1 00:00:00,907 --> 00:00:02,302 The adventure begins. 2 00:00:02,304 --> 00:00:04,240 Last season on "You Me Her"... 3 00:00:04,273 --> 00:00:06,442 You do remember we're having everybody over 4 00:00:06,475 --> 00:00:07,810 for the game tomorrow, right? 5 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:10,246 The point is... are you bringing Izzy? 6 00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:11,540 This is our choice, 7 00:00:11,542 --> 00:00:13,312 - and this is what we want. - Let's do it. 8 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:15,151 We have some very exciting news. 9 00:00:15,184 --> 00:00:17,219 We're together! We're a throuple. 10 00:00:17,253 --> 00:00:18,954 So, you quit escorting. 11 00:00:18,988 --> 00:00:20,289 For Andy. 12 00:00:20,322 --> 00:00:22,525 So, you're seriously falling for him? 13 00:00:22,558 --> 00:00:24,427 I'm scared shitless. I can't sleep. 14 00:00:24,460 --> 00:00:26,104 Think they even noticed that we left? 15 00:00:26,128 --> 00:00:28,407 Y... you don't think Emma's bi? You think she's just, like, gay? 16 00:00:28,431 --> 00:00:29,537 Are you mad? 17 00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,932 Who doesn't love a spirited public cuckolding? 18 00:00:31,934 --> 00:00:34,570 You start work in 47 minutes. That's at noon. 19 00:00:34,572 --> 00:00:36,872 You can't fulfill the duties of a skilled bartender 20 00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,583 when you're highly inebriated. 21 00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:39,909 - One more. - I'm closing. 22 00:00:39,942 --> 00:00:41,610 Wait, so this is about a job? 23 00:00:41,644 --> 00:00:43,546 Coolest firm in Seattle. Thanks so much, Kylie. 24 00:00:43,579 --> 00:00:44,990 I don't... I don't even know what to say. 25 00:00:45,014 --> 00:00:47,083 Everyone at Pinnacle is "buzzing" about me. 26 00:00:47,116 --> 00:00:49,719 Have you crossed into seriously considering this? 27 00:00:49,752 --> 00:00:51,120 So, scary Nina? 28 00:00:51,153 --> 00:00:52,855 I know it's fast, but yeah. 29 00:00:52,888 --> 00:00:54,423 I see you, Nina Martone. 30 00:00:54,457 --> 00:00:55,558 He's a love junkie. 31 00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:56,759 That... that's his shit? 32 00:00:56,792 --> 00:00:58,060 That's his shit. 33 00:00:58,094 --> 00:01:00,162 Uh, how about we start with a conversation? 34 00:01:00,196 --> 00:01:01,373 What are you guys talking about? 35 00:01:01,397 --> 00:01:02,698 We want you to have our baby. 36 00:01:03,566 --> 00:01:05,134 Like, our baby. All three of us. 37 00:01:05,167 --> 00:01:06,435 I feel like I've just been 38 00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:08,003 drifting along and playing along. 39 00:01:08,037 --> 00:01:09,972 And I woke up in the middle of my life, 40 00:01:10,005 --> 00:01:12,608 no fucking clue who I am or what I want. 41 00:01:12,641 --> 00:01:14,176 The house at Hawthorne Heights 42 00:01:14,210 --> 00:01:16,445 is always gonna just be Jack and Emma's. 43 00:01:16,479 --> 00:01:18,481 - It's ours if we want it. - No shit? 44 00:01:18,514 --> 00:01:21,684 Nobody can make this place look cooler than Emma, right? 45 00:01:21,717 --> 00:01:24,019 I'm a romantic. 46 00:01:24,053 --> 00:01:26,188 I see you, Andy Cutler. 47 00:01:26,222 --> 00:01:27,957 Wait. 48 00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,458 We have an appointment to discuss 49 00:01:29,492 --> 00:01:31,460 other options today at 4:00. 50 00:01:31,494 --> 00:01:32,995 Do you remember what you said to me? 51 00:01:33,028 --> 00:01:34,964 How you're not sure about anything in your life 52 00:01:34,997 --> 00:01:36,465 sexually, professionally, or... 53 00:01:36,499 --> 00:01:38,434 - reproductively? - Jack wants a baby. 54 00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:40,636 Jack wants a baby. 55 00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:42,180 I need you guys to want it, too. 56 00:01:42,204 --> 00:01:45,007 - 'Cause if you don't, there's no reason... - Jack. 57 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,842 I do. 58 00:02:21,410 --> 00:02:26,410 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 59 00:02:29,953 --> 00:02:31,564 _ 60 00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:40,362 Good morning. 61 00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:41,730 - Hi, Emma. - Hi. 62 00:02:41,764 --> 00:02:43,499 - Hi, Emma. - Good morning. 63 00:02:48,184 --> 00:02:49,201 Hey, Em. 64 00:02:49,205 --> 00:02:50,439 - Hi. - Good morning. 65 00:02:50,472 --> 00:02:51,473 Hello. 66 00:02:54,543 --> 00:02:57,046 - You did this, Em. - It's really happening. 67 00:02:57,079 --> 00:02:58,280 Mm-hmm. 68 00:03:15,197 --> 00:03:18,934 It was a bright and cheery spring morning in Portland, 69 00:03:18,968 --> 00:03:21,470 the perfect day for fresh starts. 70 00:03:21,503 --> 00:03:23,339 Or was it? 71 00:03:23,372 --> 00:03:25,608 For brilliant and obscenely handsome 72 00:03:25,641 --> 00:03:27,776 psychologist Jack Trakarsky, 73 00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:30,746 nothing would ever be bright and cheery again. 74 00:03:30,779 --> 00:03:32,324 That's the worst "Dateline" impression ever. 75 00:03:32,348 --> 00:03:33,625 - That was really bad, right? - Yeah. 76 00:03:33,649 --> 00:03:35,117 Okay, no peeking. 77 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:36,418 Okay. Okay. 78 00:03:42,024 --> 00:03:44,093 Okay, voÃlÃ. 79 00:03:44,126 --> 00:03:46,762 The pièce de résistance. 80 00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:48,097 Wow. 81 00:03:48,130 --> 00:03:50,299 I know it's not what she would've done, 82 00:03:50,332 --> 00:03:53,836 but, uh, I was inspired. 83 00:03:53,869 --> 00:03:55,304 I love it. 84 00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:57,806 You hate it. 85 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,642 You totally hate it, and I... I get it. 86 00:03:59,675 --> 00:04:02,077 - I went... I went far with the... with the birds... - Babe. 87 00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:04,756 - ... and the yellow and the ahh, and the... I get it. - Babe. 88 00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,382 I said I love it. 89 00:04:06,415 --> 00:04:08,083 And I love you. 90 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,154 Mm. 91 00:04:12,187 --> 00:04:14,957 Good, 'cause I couldn't take one more day 92 00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:17,459 in her house, surrounded by her shit and her friends 93 00:04:17,493 --> 00:04:20,296 with their catty little home-wrecker glares. 94 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:22,798 Maybe there's a little paranoia in play here? 95 00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:25,801 Mm, I'm acutely self-aware, so hold on... 96 00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:29,738 Nope, I'm good. 97 00:04:36,378 --> 00:04:38,347 Monday's the divorce signing, right? 98 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,416 Yep. 99 00:04:40,449 --> 00:04:43,385 Want to actually talk about it, or is that still too radical? 100 00:04:43,419 --> 00:04:45,721 For the millionth time, I'm fine, okay? 101 00:04:45,754 --> 00:04:47,690 It's water under the bridge. 102 00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:50,492 It's water off a duck's back. 103 00:04:50,526 --> 00:04:54,229 - It's water... - Oh, my God, stop. I get it. Yep. 104 00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:57,132 You're a rolling river of fineness. 105 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,743 But you have postponed the signing twice, 106 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:00,269 so it's fair of me to wonder 107 00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:01,646 if there's something else going on... 108 00:05:01,670 --> 00:05:04,373 Iz, can we literally talk about anything else? 109 00:05:04,406 --> 00:05:05,574 Please? 110 00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:07,176 Fine. 111 00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,181 What if, um... 112 00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:23,892 What if you have a substantial estate 113 00:05:23,926 --> 00:05:25,928 and we were newly married? 114 00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:27,963 But I have a secret past 115 00:05:27,997 --> 00:05:31,600 littered with rich, dead husbands? 116 00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:34,370 Which, by the way, I've never once denied. 117 00:05:34,403 --> 00:05:38,741 We're playing "Dateline" with an accent. 118 00:05:39,174 --> 00:05:40,943 First... 119 00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:46,648 I'd lull you into complacency with my insidious sexuality. 120 00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:50,552 Mm-hmm. 121 00:05:50,586 --> 00:05:52,121 Oh. 122 00:05:52,154 --> 00:05:55,958 - Cause of death... phallic hypothermia. - Oh, dear. 123 00:05:55,991 --> 00:05:59,795 Was the adoring doctoral candidate with the cold hands 124 00:05:59,828 --> 00:06:03,031 hiding an even colder heart? 125 00:06:03,065 --> 00:06:04,542 Seriously, you should see a doctor about these. 126 00:06:04,566 --> 00:06:05,834 One more word about my hands, 127 00:06:05,868 --> 00:06:08,003 and I will seriously "Dateline" you. 128 00:06:15,477 --> 00:06:16,645 Do you like the wallpaper? 129 00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:18,447 - Yeah. - Okay, good. 130 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,116 - There was wallpaper? - It was really expensive. 131 00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:23,519 I used your credit card. I hope that's okay. 132 00:06:24,686 --> 00:06:26,455 - Honey? - Yeah? 133 00:06:26,488 --> 00:06:28,157 Please tell me you hid my shirts 134 00:06:28,190 --> 00:06:30,492 like it's some sort of a fun joke to play on Dave. 135 00:06:30,526 --> 00:06:33,796 Otherwise, this is the only shirt that I have left to wear. 136 00:06:33,829 --> 00:06:35,764 Uh, crazy day yesterday. 137 00:06:35,798 --> 00:06:37,275 Honey, I need you to look at me for a second. 138 00:06:37,299 --> 00:06:38,943 Well, can I just assume that you're wearing 139 00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:41,170 a ridiculously wrinkled shirt to hammer home a point 140 00:06:41,203 --> 00:06:42,805 with your trademark subtlety? 141 00:06:42,838 --> 00:06:45,174 Okay, I cannot wear a T-shirt and blazer 142 00:06:45,207 --> 00:06:46,651 for the fourth straight day, all right? 143 00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,353 I don't want to be the T-shirt and blazer guy. 144 00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:50,555 - W... what, do I manage a band? - Say, here's an idea... 145 00:06:50,579 --> 00:06:53,148 how about this evening, when you're driving directly past 146 00:06:53,182 --> 00:06:55,126 the dry cleaners with zero screaming children in the car, 147 00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:56,995 you hang a Louie and pick up your own shirts, cool? 148 00:06:57,019 --> 00:06:59,321 Okay, the smile that launched a thousand nightmares. 149 00:06:59,354 --> 00:07:01,056 Okay, so, do it myself, 150 00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:03,025 hang a Louie, dry cleaning, got it, okay. Great. 151 00:07:03,058 --> 00:07:05,060 Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed. 152 00:07:05,093 --> 00:07:07,362 That's fine. That's fine. It's just, uh, you know, 153 00:07:07,396 --> 00:07:09,832 is it possible that the amount of whelm that you're feeling 154 00:07:09,865 --> 00:07:12,601 is due in part to the magazine thing? 155 00:07:12,634 --> 00:07:15,204 You think you can call it the magazine 156 00:07:15,237 --> 00:07:16,738 and not "the magazine thing" 157 00:07:16,772 --> 00:07:19,007 like it's super cute and not at all real? 158 00:07:19,041 --> 00:07:20,452 Are we fighting, 'cause I don't what's... 159 00:07:20,476 --> 00:07:21,844 Okay, well, let's review. 160 00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:23,512 I was feeding our two young children 161 00:07:23,545 --> 00:07:25,681 when you entered, complaining about the dry cleaning 162 00:07:25,714 --> 00:07:27,459 while wearing a shirt I've been using to clean the windows 163 00:07:27,483 --> 00:07:30,886 - for the past five years. - That explains why my chest is itchy. 164 00:07:30,919 --> 00:07:32,087 What? 165 00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:37,860 Dave, this matters to me, okay? 166 00:07:37,893 --> 00:07:40,762 It's not a full-time job, but it's not a hobby, either. 167 00:07:40,796 --> 00:07:42,931 Okay. I know. 168 00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:45,924 - And I support you 100%. - Thank you. 169 00:07:45,925 --> 00:07:46,925 Okay? 170 00:07:47,069 --> 00:07:51,106 Just that while you're doing those amazing things out in the world, 171 00:07:51,139 --> 00:07:54,776 you know, you got to also be here, you know what I mean? 172 00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:57,346 Be here? 173 00:07:57,379 --> 00:08:00,682 Yeah, metaphorically speaking. I didn't... I don't mean... 174 00:08:00,716 --> 00:08:02,293 Like, I'm not forbidding you from leaving the house. 175 00:08:02,317 --> 00:08:04,152 - Oh, no. - Not that I would do that, 176 00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:06,455 if I... if given the option. Not that I would take the... 177 00:08:06,488 --> 00:08:09,224 Okay. This is going downhill faster than an Olympic luger. 178 00:08:09,258 --> 00:08:10,659 Lugist? 179 00:08:10,692 --> 00:08:12,728 Here's what I mean. Look. 180 00:08:12,761 --> 00:08:15,330 - Be here. Nope, it still sounds douchey? - Mm, mm. 181 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,099 Okay, it sounded wise in my head, but... 182 00:08:17,132 --> 00:08:19,501 - Can't imagine why. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 183 00:08:19,535 --> 00:08:24,673 Okay, I'm gonna go pick out a T-shirt and blazer combination. 184 00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:26,141 I think that might be fun to try. 185 00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:27,843 Great. There you go. 186 00:08:29,011 --> 00:08:30,812 Okay, so far I've got 187 00:08:30,846 --> 00:08:33,582 "True Crime: Is Serial Killer The New Rock Star?" 188 00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:37,019 or "Fake News Therapy: Lie Me to Sleep." 189 00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:39,955 - Iz? - Hm? 190 00:08:39,988 --> 00:08:41,957 Hello? 191 00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:44,459 Oh. Thesis titles. 192 00:08:44,493 --> 00:08:45,794 - Yeah. - Right. 193 00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:47,229 Lay 'em on me. 194 00:08:47,262 --> 00:08:48,463 I just did. 195 00:08:48,497 --> 00:08:51,233 Then I love the middle one. 196 00:08:51,266 --> 00:08:52,935 Of... two. 197 00:08:52,968 --> 00:08:54,303 I'm sorry. 198 00:08:54,336 --> 00:08:56,638 I'm having trouble getting Jack 199 00:08:56,672 --> 00:09:00,008 to talk about Emma without using the word "fine." 200 00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:02,878 What he's really feeling is gonna fester, 201 00:09:02,911 --> 00:09:06,214 and, you know, then it's gonna turn into whatever happens 202 00:09:06,248 --> 00:09:08,417 when feelings fester. 203 00:09:08,450 --> 00:09:12,621 It's like emotional pus. 204 00:09:12,654 --> 00:09:14,690 - Thanks for that. - Sorry. 205 00:09:14,723 --> 00:09:16,491 Okay, look, dudes deal differently. 206 00:09:16,525 --> 00:09:19,494 Eventually, he's gonna get drunk and cry ugly 207 00:09:19,528 --> 00:09:21,463 and punch a wall or whatever. 208 00:09:21,496 --> 00:09:24,233 You seriously need to stop worrying about the Trakarskys 209 00:09:24,266 --> 00:09:26,969 and start sorting your own shit, specifically your thesis 210 00:09:27,002 --> 00:09:30,305 and rapidly approaching grown-up career. 211 00:09:30,339 --> 00:09:33,308 - I need a plan. - Yeah, no shit. 212 00:09:33,342 --> 00:09:38,914 Some way to get the two of them alone in an enclosed space. 213 00:09:38,947 --> 00:09:41,717 Okay. You know what? 214 00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:43,619 Think I'm just gonna... 215 00:09:43,652 --> 00:09:47,556 just get up real slow, 216 00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:51,226 walk away, see if you notice 217 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:54,162 or care at all... 218 00:09:54,196 --> 00:09:57,299 I'm just gonna go... 219 00:10:01,403 --> 00:10:03,372 - O... oww! - Same spot, every day 220 00:10:03,405 --> 00:10:07,376 - until you pitch me your thesis! - Ow! Ow! 221 00:10:07,409 --> 00:10:10,279 Your therapy techniques are fucking weird. 222 00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:15,484 Hm, this is a nice surprise. 223 00:10:15,517 --> 00:10:17,319 I wish the weather would've cooperated. 224 00:10:17,352 --> 00:10:19,888 What's with the '80s Michael J. Fox ensemble? 225 00:10:19,921 --> 00:10:22,791 Yeah, that is a story about dry cleaning, my friend. 226 00:10:22,824 --> 00:10:25,661 - You want to hear about that? - No. Actually, I'll pass. 227 00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:27,629 I got to tell you, Lori moving out 228 00:10:27,663 --> 00:10:29,798 and this Hannah person moving in has turned out to be 229 00:10:29,831 --> 00:10:32,401 the worst possible sequence of events. I mean... 230 00:10:32,434 --> 00:10:34,503 Oh, I'm sorry, am I boring you? 231 00:10:34,536 --> 00:10:36,138 No, just look how cute she is. 232 00:10:36,171 --> 00:10:38,407 - No, don't throw it again! - She's not that cute. 233 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,574 Just a regular child. 234 00:10:39,608 --> 00:10:41,043 Oh. 235 00:10:41,076 --> 00:10:43,979 Look at that. What an arm you have on you. 236 00:10:44,012 --> 00:10:45,881 Good throw. Here you go. 237 00:10:45,914 --> 00:10:48,050 Oh, you got to make sure she doesn't throw a curveball 238 00:10:48,083 --> 00:10:50,028 before high school, otherwise the tendons in the elbow 239 00:10:50,052 --> 00:10:51,653 will get all... all screwed up. 240 00:10:51,687 --> 00:10:54,856 And this one, I just want to eat her up. 241 00:10:54,890 --> 00:10:56,625 Okay, then, we're just gonna go. 242 00:10:56,658 --> 00:10:58,794 You can never be too careful, right? Stranger danger? 243 00:10:58,827 --> 00:11:00,962 I sound a little too creepy, 244 00:11:00,996 --> 00:11:02,230 - but I'm not. - Yeah. Bye. 245 00:11:02,264 --> 00:11:04,800 Make sure you clean that binky. 246 00:11:04,833 --> 00:11:07,645 - I have some wipes if you want them... - Okay, okay. All right, they're gone. 247 00:11:07,669 --> 00:11:09,471 They're gone. See how she's fleeing 248 00:11:09,504 --> 00:11:12,274 from your biological clock? 249 00:11:12,307 --> 00:11:14,309 They were... just had someplace to go. 250 00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,578 You just... you don't say, "I'm not creepy," by the way. 251 00:11:16,611 --> 00:11:18,380 That makes you sound creepy. 252 00:11:18,413 --> 00:11:20,148 Hey, speaking of fleeing from things, 253 00:11:20,182 --> 00:11:21,492 you got your divorce signing on Monday. 254 00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:22,984 You want to talk about that? 255 00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:25,620 Did Izzy get to you, too? 256 00:11:25,654 --> 00:11:26,855 No. 257 00:11:27,723 --> 00:11:29,358 - Yes. - Mm. 258 00:11:29,391 --> 00:11:32,227 But I mean, I happen to think she has a valid point in this situation. 259 00:11:33,595 --> 00:11:36,898 Okay, you know what? J... Tell her you tried. 260 00:11:36,932 --> 00:11:40,202 Nice try, but, uh... I'm good. 261 00:11:40,235 --> 00:11:41,770 Whatever, okay? 262 00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:43,372 Okay. 263 00:11:43,405 --> 00:11:46,541 - We still on for Game 1 on Saturday... - Yes. 264 00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:48,610 ... at your place with the yard 265 00:11:48,643 --> 00:11:51,122 - and the sidewalk that doesn't smell like urine? - Slight change of plans. 266 00:11:51,146 --> 00:11:53,648 I would actually like to be away from kids 267 00:11:53,682 --> 00:11:55,693 for the day, and you're the only one that doesn't have any, 268 00:11:55,717 --> 00:11:57,452 so... sorry. 269 00:11:57,585 --> 00:11:59,087 Gabe's coming, by the way. 270 00:11:59,121 --> 00:12:00,322 - Oh, I love Gabe. - Yeah. 271 00:12:00,355 --> 00:12:02,190 - Love Gabe. - Said no one ever. 272 00:12:02,224 --> 00:12:04,092 Yeah. 273 00:12:04,126 --> 00:12:05,961 Does your biological clock have an alarm? 274 00:12:05,994 --> 00:12:07,329 No, but... 275 00:12:07,362 --> 00:12:09,765 I set this for every 15 minutes, 276 00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:11,166 you know, just in case 277 00:12:11,199 --> 00:12:13,034 I need to get out of a particularly 278 00:12:13,068 --> 00:12:15,370 annoying conversation, like, you know. 279 00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:17,348 So then I can be like, "Hey, sorry, I got a place to be. 280 00:12:17,372 --> 00:12:19,441 - Got an appointment." - Yeah. 281 00:12:19,474 --> 00:12:21,042 So I do actually have something to do. 282 00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:22,310 I have an appointment. 283 00:12:22,344 --> 00:12:24,312 Oh, bravo, yeah, I get it, okay. 284 00:12:24,346 --> 00:12:25,680 - Okay. - Yeah. 285 00:12:25,714 --> 00:12:27,482 Stop conspiring with my girlfriend, okay? 286 00:12:27,516 --> 00:12:29,151 - You're heading for a fall... - Yep. 287 00:12:29,184 --> 00:12:30,995 - ... Trakarsky, that's all I'm saying. - I can't hear you. 288 00:12:31,019 --> 00:12:34,022 My biological clock is deafening. 289 00:12:39,227 --> 00:12:41,163 I'm sorry, Hannah. 290 00:12:41,196 --> 00:12:43,265 Sorry. Rough morning. 291 00:12:45,033 --> 00:12:47,469 This is still weird for me. 292 00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:48,670 How's that? 293 00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:50,439 Oh, it's, uh, Lori's house. 294 00:12:50,472 --> 00:12:53,475 It's cool now, but effortlessly cool, kind of like you. 295 00:12:53,508 --> 00:12:54,876 Ha, please. 296 00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:56,378 If you'd seen me eight hours ago, 297 00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:59,014 Swiffering, bingeing Adult Swim 298 00:12:59,047 --> 00:13:02,083 with nothing but a tumbler of micro batch bourbon 299 00:13:02,117 --> 00:13:03,652 to keep me company? 300 00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:05,554 It's like you can't even help it. 301 00:13:05,587 --> 00:13:07,222 Okay, Cal. 302 00:13:07,255 --> 00:13:09,758 Pitch me your best idea. 303 00:13:09,791 --> 00:13:11,059 Poo! 304 00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:12,661 Awesome. 305 00:13:12,694 --> 00:13:14,429 Liking it. 306 00:13:14,463 --> 00:13:16,998 What about poop? A lot of poop stories out there. 307 00:13:17,032 --> 00:13:18,376 How's this one gonna be different? 308 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,335 Just want to flush it out, get back to me? 309 00:13:20,368 --> 00:13:23,939 Yeah? Awesome. 310 00:13:23,972 --> 00:13:26,741 Okay, now about your rough morning... 311 00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:28,510 Oh, yeah, Dave was being a bit of a... 312 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,412 Oh... 313 00:13:30,445 --> 00:13:31,546 - Mm. - Damn. 314 00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,582 Damn. 315 00:13:33,615 --> 00:13:35,584 So committed. 316 00:13:35,617 --> 00:13:38,353 Oh, I think every part of you is touching every part of me. 317 00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:41,156 Mm. You know, I used to be a toe dipper. 318 00:13:41,189 --> 00:13:42,991 Now I'm a high diver. 319 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:44,826 It's in my book. 320 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,761 Jesus, you're writing a book, too? 321 00:13:46,795 --> 00:13:49,698 Mm. It's ostensibly a women's travel guide, 322 00:13:49,731 --> 00:13:51,366 but it's basically about the journey 323 00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:52,901 back to the essential you. 324 00:13:54,402 --> 00:13:57,772 Is it weird that I want to be you when I grow up? 325 00:13:57,806 --> 00:13:59,741 No, not at all. 326 00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:02,444 So, uh, who watches the boys 327 00:14:02,477 --> 00:14:05,513 when you and Rob are jetting all over the world? 328 00:14:05,547 --> 00:14:07,849 Uh, well, we have a nanny, 329 00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:10,919 like any reasonable two-career couple. 330 00:14:10,952 --> 00:14:13,455 Anyway, almost finished my review on that 331 00:14:13,488 --> 00:14:15,223 Hawthorne repertory shit show, 332 00:14:15,257 --> 00:14:17,959 an apt description, since it's at least allegedly a play. 333 00:14:17,993 --> 00:14:20,128 Um, you're shredding it? 334 00:14:20,161 --> 00:14:23,665 "Five white suburban women just discovered xenophobia 335 00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:26,401 and now they're nobly educating the rest of us." 336 00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:28,904 So, I am not saying that we have to wantonly blow 337 00:14:28,937 --> 00:14:30,505 every potential advertiser... 338 00:14:30,539 --> 00:14:32,274 Because the Heights is different, right? 339 00:14:32,307 --> 00:14:34,776 We're not just another bougie-pandering community rag. 340 00:14:34,809 --> 00:14:36,378 Fuckin' A, sister. 341 00:14:37,345 --> 00:14:38,847 However, the theater is launching 342 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,815 a huge season-pass campaign, 343 00:14:40,849 --> 00:14:43,785 so we got to go full deep throat on this one. 344 00:14:43,818 --> 00:14:46,888 There must be something positive about that play, right? 345 00:14:46,922 --> 00:14:48,890 - There were seats. - Yeah. 346 00:14:48,924 --> 00:14:51,092 - And a stage? - Ooh. 347 00:14:51,126 --> 00:14:52,560 None of the actors peed herself? 348 00:14:52,594 --> 00:14:55,163 Ah! See? That's right off the top of your head. 349 00:14:55,196 --> 00:14:58,500 You know, like Rob always says, "We... " 350 00:14:59,868 --> 00:15:03,204 What? What is that face? 351 00:15:03,238 --> 00:15:06,241 Dave bet me 50 bucks Rob's not real. 352 00:15:06,274 --> 00:15:08,176 - Speaking of Dave... - But were we? 353 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:11,813 ... have you guys talked about some version of child care? 354 00:15:11,846 --> 00:15:16,017 I'd say we're more talking about talking about it. 355 00:15:16,051 --> 00:15:18,186 Look, Carm, I sure as hell am not going to tell you 356 00:15:18,219 --> 00:15:20,288 how to run your family, but I am gonna tell you 357 00:15:20,322 --> 00:15:24,025 that we can't publish almost-finished theater reviews. 358 00:15:24,059 --> 00:15:25,527 You know what I'm saying, partner? 359 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,729 Yeah. 360 00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:51,786 May I ask why you're pretending to vomit onto your computer? 361 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,990 Andy is relentlessly posting photos of him and his dad 362 00:15:55,023 --> 00:15:57,826 having a smile-off somewhere in the woods. 363 00:15:57,859 --> 00:15:59,527 Sickos. 364 00:15:59,561 --> 00:16:01,730 Say, has anyone ever written a thesis 365 00:16:01,763 --> 00:16:04,432 about excessive cyberstalking of ex-boyfriends? 366 00:16:04,466 --> 00:16:06,310 You think there's a clinical name for that or... ? 367 00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:09,237 No, but there is a clinical name for co-workers 368 00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:11,206 who habitually say the stupidest shit 369 00:16:11,239 --> 00:16:12,974 at the worst possible moments. 370 00:16:13,008 --> 00:16:15,577 It's called missing. 371 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,979 You deal realize you don't scare me anymore, 372 00:16:18,013 --> 00:16:20,582 right, 'cause our relationship has moved way past that. 373 00:16:20,615 --> 00:16:22,350 Oh, do tell. 374 00:16:22,384 --> 00:16:25,353 Well, uh, we're best buds. 375 00:16:27,122 --> 00:16:29,224 Mejores amigos. 376 00:16:29,257 --> 00:16:30,725 Or is it mejores amigas? 377 00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:32,303 What's it when... when one bestie's female, 378 00:16:32,327 --> 00:16:34,138 - the other one's male... - Dude, get over it, okay? 379 00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:36,264 We're two humans frequently in the same structure 380 00:16:36,297 --> 00:16:38,366 at the same time who feel compelled 381 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,101 to speak to each other. 382 00:16:40,135 --> 00:16:43,138 - Well, methink the lady doth... - Men suck. 383 00:16:43,171 --> 00:16:45,040 That's my thesis. 384 00:16:45,073 --> 00:16:46,608 Oh... 385 00:16:46,641 --> 00:16:49,544 Okay, well, I recommend something a little more 386 00:16:49,577 --> 00:16:51,946 smarty-pants, and then... and then how 'bout some... 387 00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,916 some therapy? "The State of the Millennial Man." 388 00:16:54,949 --> 00:16:58,186 Hm? 20-something dates in 20-something days, 389 00:16:58,219 --> 00:17:01,923 the whole aimless, emotionally-stunted man-child thing? 390 00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:05,026 I want to know the hows, whys, and what nows. 391 00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:06,928 Mm-hmm. Okay. Jot this one down. 392 00:17:06,961 --> 00:17:10,865 Uh, we're confused. 393 00:17:10,899 --> 00:17:13,201 Thesis written. 394 00:17:13,234 --> 00:17:14,369 Huh? 395 00:17:14,402 --> 00:17:16,204 You're welcome. Next. 396 00:17:16,237 --> 00:17:17,648 So what, you're saying it's our fault? 397 00:17:17,672 --> 00:17:20,809 - Is that what you're saying? - No. T... the... 398 00:17:20,842 --> 00:17:22,710 No, how did you get that... Fuck no. 399 00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:25,022 - Hell no. All the nos. - Boom! Right there. I saw it in your eyes. 400 00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:26,848 You are definitely still scared of me. 401 00:17:28,216 --> 00:17:31,486 Could you please just... 402 00:17:31,519 --> 00:17:36,958 just clean a glass or something, you know? 403 00:17:47,469 --> 00:17:48,946 All right, I'm gonna leave you with this 404 00:17:48,970 --> 00:17:52,540 before I do both of our jobs, as usual... 405 00:17:52,574 --> 00:17:55,043 You think men have spontaneously devolved, 406 00:17:55,076 --> 00:17:57,779 but a lot has changed in the dating and mating front, 407 00:17:57,812 --> 00:17:59,447 like in leap time. 408 00:17:59,481 --> 00:18:01,158 Lines have blurred, gender roles are smeared... 409 00:18:01,182 --> 00:18:02,383 Shh. Zip it, okay? 410 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:04,352 I've got wheels turning, big things. 411 00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:07,255 "The Vexing Plight of the Millennial Male." 412 00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:10,859 That's perfect. 413 00:18:10,892 --> 00:18:12,937 That's definitely not a rephrasing of what I just said. 414 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:15,029 It's my break time. 415 00:18:15,063 --> 00:18:17,866 Good for you, you've worked hard. Thank you. 416 00:18:18,219 --> 00:18:19,954 But when you come back, you and I, 417 00:18:19,988 --> 00:18:21,265 we're gonna have a little sit down 418 00:18:21,289 --> 00:18:24,292 and talk about professional boundaries. 419 00:18:30,899 --> 00:18:34,235 - Kylie? - Up here! 420 00:18:43,978 --> 00:18:45,580 What are we celebrating? 421 00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:46,848 I mean, aside from the fact 422 00:18:46,881 --> 00:18:48,283 that we can't seem to go a week 423 00:18:48,316 --> 00:18:50,785 without closing a new project? 424 00:18:50,819 --> 00:18:52,587 Not to sound like a teenage girl, 425 00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:54,422 but it is our two-month anniversary. 426 00:18:54,456 --> 00:18:57,492 Seriously? Two months. How is that even possible? 427 00:18:57,525 --> 00:18:58,803 One month in college, one month now. 428 00:18:58,827 --> 00:19:00,495 Sue me. I'm a romantic. 429 00:19:00,528 --> 00:19:03,998 Aww, Kylie. 430 00:19:04,032 --> 00:19:06,735 Mm, how awesome are you? 431 00:19:06,768 --> 00:19:09,404 More than your mortal mind can comprehend. 432 00:19:09,437 --> 00:19:11,005 I got us into Delilah's. 433 00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:12,807 Yeah, what? Next Christmas? 434 00:19:12,841 --> 00:19:15,577 In 20 minutes by the window. 435 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:17,746 Ain't no thing. I know a guy. 436 00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:19,747 Well, that is so fucking hot. 437 00:19:19,781 --> 00:19:21,850 The things I'm gonna do to you when we get home... 438 00:19:21,883 --> 00:19:23,318 Oh, what a shame. 439 00:19:23,351 --> 00:19:25,019 I don't sleep with married women. 440 00:19:25,053 --> 00:19:27,689 - Yeah? - Strict policy. 441 00:19:27,722 --> 00:19:29,524 Oh, you sure about that? 442 00:19:29,557 --> 00:19:31,826 Oh, well, maybe it's not so much a strict policy 443 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:34,329 as a loose guideline. 444 00:19:34,362 --> 00:19:37,065 And you're single as of Monday, so... 445 00:19:39,734 --> 00:19:41,503 Sorry, sorry, I... 446 00:19:41,536 --> 00:19:43,905 That was weird, I just... I just got weird. 447 00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:48,643 We're both in uncharted waters, Em. 448 00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:50,678 You've never been in a committed relationship 449 00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:53,515 with a woman before, and I've never been with someone 450 00:19:53,548 --> 00:19:56,084 who was married to a dude for a million years. 451 00:19:56,117 --> 00:19:58,253 We're good, you're good, they're good. 452 00:19:58,286 --> 00:20:00,789 And you have nothing to feel guilty about. 453 00:20:09,898 --> 00:20:11,199 Uh... 454 00:20:11,232 --> 00:20:12,510 Actually, technically, it's your slice, 455 00:20:12,534 --> 00:20:14,169 so you're welcome to it. 456 00:20:14,202 --> 00:20:15,537 Okay. 457 00:20:15,570 --> 00:20:16,704 Wait. 458 00:20:16,738 --> 00:20:19,474 First... 459 00:20:19,507 --> 00:20:22,510 Take another look at how cute I look in my boyfriend's jersey. 460 00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:24,012 Mm-hmm. 461 00:20:24,045 --> 00:20:25,547 Look at the pizza. 462 00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:27,148 Now back up here. 463 00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:28,383 Hello. 464 00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,385 - Now back at the pizza. - Okay. 465 00:20:30,418 --> 00:20:32,987 Now know that you can only have one of these two things. 466 00:20:33,021 --> 00:20:36,357 Oof. Hmm. 467 00:20:36,391 --> 00:20:39,494 Are you sexually manipulating me over the last slice of pizza? 468 00:20:39,527 --> 00:20:44,098 Please, I have chloroformed people over the last piece of pizza. 469 00:20:44,132 --> 00:20:46,334 Fine, it's yours. 470 00:20:46,367 --> 00:20:49,470 You're the best. 471 00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:52,607 Mm. 472 00:20:54,175 --> 00:20:57,412 Jack, are you gonna answer it? 473 00:20:57,445 --> 00:21:00,148 What do you think she wants? 474 00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:02,450 Only one way to find out. 475 00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:04,719 Hey, you! 476 00:21:04,752 --> 00:21:06,454 Well, someone's perky. 477 00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:07,622 Are you high? 478 00:21:07,655 --> 00:21:10,258 Yeah, we are super high. 479 00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:13,161 Just dancing, feeding each other pizza, 480 00:21:13,194 --> 00:21:15,463 generally frolicking. 481 00:21:15,496 --> 00:21:16,965 The usge. 482 00:21:16,998 --> 00:21:19,334 Just talk like a normal person. 483 00:21:19,367 --> 00:21:20,902 Well, that's... that's awesome. 484 00:21:20,935 --> 00:21:23,571 Yeah, things are... things are great here, too. 485 00:21:23,605 --> 00:21:27,075 Um, just scored another big project. 486 00:21:27,108 --> 00:21:29,744 Got back from celebrating with Kylie at the... 487 00:21:29,777 --> 00:21:33,781 the fanciest restaurant in the Pacific Northwest, so... 488 00:21:33,815 --> 00:21:36,284 Wow, you go, girl. 489 00:21:36,317 --> 00:21:38,586 I will actually 490 00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:40,655 barf pizza all over your face. 491 00:21:40,688 --> 00:21:42,890 Uh, so, this is a bit awkward, but you 492 00:21:42,924 --> 00:21:44,726 postponed the last two scheduled signings, 493 00:21:44,759 --> 00:21:47,004 and I just want to make sure that we're still on for Monday. 494 00:21:47,028 --> 00:21:48,930 Yep, on for Monday. 495 00:21:48,963 --> 00:21:52,634 Tell Kylie and pop some corks. 496 00:21:52,667 --> 00:21:54,569 Um, well, I will see you then. 497 00:21:54,602 --> 00:21:56,971 Yep, see you then. 498 00:21:57,005 --> 00:21:58,806 Bye, Jack. 499 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,608 Bye, Em. 500 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,188 - What? - Are you serious? 501 00:22:15,990 --> 00:22:21,229 Jack, you need to stop whatever the fuck that was 502 00:22:21,262 --> 00:22:24,399 and express some actual, genuine emotions 503 00:22:24,432 --> 00:22:26,367 about how things went down. 504 00:22:26,401 --> 00:22:29,604 Emma realized she's gay. 505 00:22:29,637 --> 00:22:31,806 End of story. 506 00:22:31,839 --> 00:22:33,875 We want different things, 507 00:22:33,908 --> 00:22:35,543 and it's good that we figured that out 508 00:22:35,576 --> 00:22:37,445 before a baby came into the mix. 509 00:22:37,478 --> 00:22:40,048 And that makes you feel... ? 510 00:22:40,081 --> 00:22:41,683 Why is this only about me? 511 00:22:41,716 --> 00:22:44,185 You're... you got left, too. 512 00:22:44,218 --> 00:22:46,154 We were together for, like, a month. 513 00:22:46,187 --> 00:22:47,889 It's hardly the same thing. 514 00:22:51,192 --> 00:22:53,695 Okay, if you were counseling us, what would you say? 515 00:22:53,728 --> 00:22:55,663 - "Assface?" - What? 516 00:22:55,697 --> 00:22:58,399 - That's your da... Is that your dad? - Oh, yeah. 517 00:22:58,433 --> 00:23:00,268 Why is he suddenly calling you so much? 518 00:23:00,301 --> 00:23:02,870 Well, not really that sudden. 519 00:23:02,904 --> 00:23:04,339 Meaning? 520 00:23:04,372 --> 00:23:06,341 Meaning he started calling a year ago, 521 00:23:06,374 --> 00:23:07,618 ramped it up the last few weeks, 522 00:23:07,642 --> 00:23:08,786 and I don't want to talk about it. 523 00:23:10,078 --> 00:23:11,612 You don't want to talk about it. 524 00:23:11,646 --> 00:23:13,090 You don't see the parallels to the conversation 525 00:23:13,114 --> 00:23:14,382 we were just having? 526 00:23:14,415 --> 00:23:16,084 No. 527 00:23:16,117 --> 00:23:18,386 You're gonna get changed. 528 00:23:18,419 --> 00:23:21,723 Ben Silva's call has just shaken me in a way 529 00:23:21,756 --> 00:23:23,958 that can only remedied by sweating out vodka 530 00:23:23,991 --> 00:23:26,094 in a place that's just, like, uh, uh. 531 00:23:26,127 --> 00:23:28,062 You know, like, too loud to think. 532 00:23:28,096 --> 00:23:30,231 - Your favorite. - All right. 533 00:23:30,264 --> 00:23:32,200 Awesome, I am in. 534 00:23:32,233 --> 00:23:34,769 Let's do it. 535 00:23:34,802 --> 00:23:36,270 Again. 536 00:23:45,366 --> 00:23:46,868 Bless you. 537 00:23:46,901 --> 00:23:48,445 You look plagued, and not with concern. 538 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,872 You look like you literally have the plague. 539 00:23:50,905 --> 00:23:54,008 - The fuck ran into you? - Hey, enjoy. 540 00:23:54,042 --> 00:23:56,611 There's zero chance he's successfully eating that. 541 00:23:56,644 --> 00:23:58,780 Can't you just tell Izzy that you're too old now 542 00:23:58,813 --> 00:24:00,114 and you can't hang anymore. 543 00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:01,292 And there's no shame in that. 544 00:24:01,316 --> 00:24:02,950 I mean, we already know it. 545 00:24:02,984 --> 00:24:04,752 I can't take much more of this, you guys. 546 00:24:04,786 --> 00:24:06,688 I'm way closer to 40 than 35. 547 00:24:06,721 --> 00:24:08,423 Or 39, for that matter. 548 00:24:08,456 --> 00:24:11,259 I did shots last night that were called "Death by Dawn." 549 00:24:11,292 --> 00:24:14,362 - The title itself is its own warning. - More like a prophecy. 550 00:24:14,395 --> 00:24:16,431 She wants to have sex, like, all the time, 551 00:24:16,464 --> 00:24:19,200 sometimes fucking every day, twice a day... 552 00:24:19,233 --> 00:24:20,600 Wow, you poor man. 553 00:24:20,601 --> 00:24:23,071 I would slap your face if you didn't look contagious. 554 00:24:29,777 --> 00:24:31,412 Really going for it. 555 00:24:33,381 --> 00:24:34,991 So does this mean 556 00:24:34,992 --> 00:24:36,093 we're not coming over to watch the game? 557 00:24:36,117 --> 00:24:37,885 What? No. No. No bailing. 558 00:24:37,919 --> 00:24:39,563 We're going to your loft to watch the fucking game. 559 00:24:39,587 --> 00:24:41,089 Take it easy there, Superfan. 560 00:24:41,122 --> 00:24:42,433 It's the first game of the first round. 561 00:24:42,457 --> 00:24:45,159 You know how many butts I had to wipe to make this happen? 562 00:24:45,193 --> 00:24:47,161 Seriously hoping it's just the two. 563 00:24:47,195 --> 00:24:49,397 We're watching the game, okay? I need the distraction. 564 00:24:49,430 --> 00:24:51,070 Divorce signing thing still on for Monday? 565 00:24:51,099 --> 00:24:53,110 - Oh, buddy, is that what this is about? - Are you okay? 566 00:24:53,134 --> 00:24:54,745 - Do you want to talk about it? - Need a suit? 567 00:24:54,769 --> 00:24:57,171 You two are literally the last people in the world 568 00:24:57,205 --> 00:24:58,382 I would want to talk to about it, okay? 569 00:24:58,406 --> 00:24:59,841 - Excuse me? - What? 570 00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,310 I think Izzy must be hung over, too, right? 571 00:25:02,343 --> 00:25:04,612 I mean, she's young, but she's still human. 572 00:25:04,645 --> 00:25:07,949 - All better? - Like it never happened. 573 00:25:07,982 --> 00:25:10,918 One more, we can accidentally slide into a day rage. 574 00:25:10,952 --> 00:25:12,220 Whoo! 575 00:25:12,253 --> 00:25:14,589 Uh, no can do, sister. 576 00:25:14,622 --> 00:25:17,592 I'm enacting a devious plan. 577 00:25:17,625 --> 00:25:21,162 Um, I love devious plans even more than day raging. 578 00:25:21,195 --> 00:25:22,830 - Tell me. - I know. Okay. 579 00:25:22,864 --> 00:25:25,233 So, last night, I texted Emma 580 00:25:25,266 --> 00:25:27,301 that Jack and I would be out of the loft all day 581 00:25:27,335 --> 00:25:29,313 so she could come deal with all the shit that we've been storing. 582 00:25:29,337 --> 00:25:31,472 - I left her a key. - I'm starting to think 583 00:25:31,506 --> 00:25:33,283 you don't actually know what the word "devious" means. 584 00:25:33,307 --> 00:25:35,309 I'm not done. And then I recruited Dave... 585 00:25:35,343 --> 00:25:38,079 you know, Jack's weird friend with all the kids... 586 00:25:38,112 --> 00:25:40,915 to make sure that they would be in the loft 587 00:25:40,948 --> 00:25:43,151 watching the game. 588 00:25:43,184 --> 00:25:44,952 Get it? 589 00:25:44,986 --> 00:25:46,563 I'm getting super fucking bored over here. 590 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,890 Okay, point is, is that you know Jack. 591 00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:50,591 He gets so weird. He's like all chill 592 00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:52,636 and philosophical, but it's, like, come the fuck on, okay? 593 00:25:52,660 --> 00:25:54,462 If he doesn't let it out, he's gonna detonate. 594 00:25:54,495 --> 00:25:56,063 Like, I can hear him ticking. 595 00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:57,474 Are you sure that's the real reason 596 00:25:57,498 --> 00:25:59,300 behind your "devious plan?" 597 00:25:59,333 --> 00:26:01,302 - Nyeh. - What other motive would there be? 598 00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:04,572 Seriously? Oh, come on. 599 00:26:04,605 --> 00:26:06,707 Iz, it's me. 600 00:26:06,741 --> 00:26:09,143 Oh, you think I want to get the band back together? 601 00:26:09,177 --> 00:26:10,812 - After what she did? - Mm-hmm. 602 00:26:10,845 --> 00:26:12,313 How does that even make sense? 603 00:26:12,346 --> 00:26:14,348 Oh, it... it doesn't. And, um, 604 00:26:14,382 --> 00:26:16,326 while we're discussing the pervasive senselessness 605 00:26:16,350 --> 00:26:18,986 of your entire life, have you talked to your dad, 606 00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:21,122 who's been calling on the hour for several weeks, 607 00:26:21,155 --> 00:26:24,325 or is closure only for other people? 608 00:26:24,358 --> 00:26:26,527 You wrecked my buzz. 609 00:26:26,561 --> 00:26:29,464 Let me guess... headed to the loft? 610 00:26:29,497 --> 00:26:32,633 Oh, you're so cute when you think you know things and... 611 00:26:32,667 --> 00:26:35,470 Do not go to the loft. 612 00:26:35,503 --> 00:26:38,339 - Bye. - Bye. 613 00:26:42,443 --> 00:26:44,212 Oh, come on, Goldsby! 614 00:26:44,245 --> 00:26:46,380 I think it's time we cut you off, man. 615 00:26:46,414 --> 00:26:48,058 You're yelling at the TV like they can hear you. 616 00:26:48,082 --> 00:26:49,584 He heard me. 617 00:26:49,617 --> 00:26:51,319 Look, I managed to go an entire Saturday 618 00:26:51,352 --> 00:26:53,488 without seeing or touching a child's puke, 619 00:26:53,521 --> 00:26:55,656 so it's still a win in my books. 620 00:26:55,690 --> 00:26:57,191 So, is this ridiculously small TV 621 00:26:57,225 --> 00:26:59,660 the only thing left to you in this giant brick box? 622 00:26:59,694 --> 00:27:01,062 Okay, you know what? Unlike you, 623 00:27:01,095 --> 00:27:02,530 I have a normal, adult-sized penis, 624 00:27:02,563 --> 00:27:04,899 so I don't need a TV the size of a billboard. 625 00:27:04,932 --> 00:27:06,410 Did you steal it from the back seat of an Escalade 626 00:27:06,434 --> 00:27:07,811 from the headrest? You just... 627 00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:09,904 - and right there? - He's saying it's small. 628 00:27:09,937 --> 00:27:12,406 - It is very small. - It is. 629 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,809 Hey, Frank. Yeah, extra large for pick-up. 630 00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:16,611 Thanks. 631 00:27:24,418 --> 00:27:27,021 Hey, there, Peanut. 632 00:27:27,054 --> 00:27:30,525 You don't get to call me that anymore, Ben. 633 00:27:30,558 --> 00:27:33,728 - Come on, let's not... - Go the fuck away. 634 00:27:37,965 --> 00:27:40,067 The sad thing is, you're right. 635 00:27:40,101 --> 00:27:44,272 Now I know how Izzy felt when she was in Hawthorne Heights. 636 00:27:44,305 --> 00:27:45,940 It's just... I fucking miss the suburbs. 637 00:27:45,973 --> 00:27:48,276 It's pathetic, I know. 638 00:27:48,309 --> 00:27:50,053 It takes me, like, an hour to find a parking space 639 00:27:50,077 --> 00:27:52,451 - when I'm driving around. - That's the worst. 640 00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:53,490 You poor baby. 641 00:27:53,514 --> 00:27:55,950 Guys, we were not having this conversation, okay? 642 00:27:55,983 --> 00:27:57,385 W... what? Does she beat you? 643 00:28:16,737 --> 00:28:18,639 Hey. 644 00:28:18,673 --> 00:28:20,841 Hey. 645 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:30,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -