1
00:00:05,419 --> 00:00:08,052
? Your face ?

2
00:00:08,088 --> 00:00:12,056
? Is like a song ?

3
00:00:12,092 --> 00:00:14,125
? Your sweet eyes whisper ?

4
00:00:14,161 --> 00:00:17,095
? And I want to sing along ?

5
00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:19,664
? Your features ?

6
00:00:19,699 --> 00:00:23,735
? Are in tune ?

7
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,336
? Let's sing together ?

8
00:00:25,372 --> 00:00:28,473
? And turn every month to June ?

9
00:00:28,508 --> 00:00:31,943
? Your face hums ?

10
00:00:31,978 --> 00:00:34,646
? Makes me a happy fella ?

11
00:00:34,681 --> 00:00:37,615
? No more ?

12
00:00:37,651 --> 00:00:40,418
? Singin' a capella ?

13
00:00:40,454 --> 00:00:42,654
? No ?

14
00:00:42,689 --> 00:00:45,857
? Longer lonely ?

15
00:00:47,894 --> 00:00:50,628
? Lovin' you only ?

16
00:00:54,134 --> 00:00:56,701
? Your lips ?

17
00:00:56,736 --> 00:01:00,605
? With mine will rhyme ?

18
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,607
? And when they touch me ?

19
00:01:02,642 --> 00:01:05,643
? It's a symphony divine ?

20
00:01:05,679 --> 00:01:07,946
? Your cheeks ?

21
00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:12,116
? Your ears, your hair ?

22
00:01:12,152 --> 00:01:14,052
? Weave me a melody ?

23
00:01:14,087 --> 00:01:17,322
? A melody so rare ?

24
00:01:17,357 --> 00:01:20,792
? Your face hums ?

25
00:01:20,827 --> 00:01:23,228
? Makes me a happy fella ?

26
00:01:23,263 --> 00:01:26,397
? No more ?

27
00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:29,133
? Singin' a capella ?

28
00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:31,135
? No ?

29
00:01:31,171 --> 00:01:34,572
? Longer lonely ?

30
00:01:36,443 --> 00:01:40,845
? Lovin' you only ?

31
00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:45,898
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

32
00:01:57,063 --> 00:01:58,997
Okay, movie's over.

33
00:01:59,032 --> 00:02:01,099
The superheroes are friends
again. Let's get out of here.

34
00:02:01,134 --> 00:02:03,668
We can't leave before the
post-credits sequence.

35
00:02:03,703 --> 00:02:07,605
Why does Jeremy Renner
need two assistants?

36
00:02:07,641 --> 00:02:10,008
Shh. Here comes the sequence.

37
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:12,911
The Avengers were too
strong for us, my Lord.

38
00:02:16,249 --> 00:02:19,217
What? Who's that?

39
00:02:19,252 --> 00:02:21,185
That's Spider-Man's Uncle Ben.

40
00:02:21,221 --> 00:02:23,888
He was alive the whole time.

41
00:02:23,924 --> 00:02:25,356
And evil.

42
00:02:25,392 --> 00:02:29,260
With great power, comes
no responsibility.

43
00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:33,631
Finally.

44
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,366
What? You saw it.

45
00:02:35,402 --> 00:02:38,603
That was a mid-credit scene.
There's more.

46
00:02:41,107 --> 00:02:42,473
Who the hell are you?

47
00:02:42,509 --> 00:02:44,142
I'm assembling a team of the best

48
00:02:44,177 --> 00:02:45,810
team assemblers in the world.

49
00:02:45,845 --> 00:02:49,981
And I want you to help me
put together that team.

50
00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:52,517
Assemblers assemble!

51
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,190
_

52
00:02:57,191 --> 00:03:00,825
Time. To. Go.

53
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,594
But there's two more credit sequences.

54
00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:04,796
When I was a kid, movies
ended when they ended.

55
00:03:04,831 --> 00:03:06,631
The only reason you
stayed for the credits

56
00:03:06,666 --> 00:03:08,566
was to see who sang "The Power of Love."

57
00:03:08,602 --> 00:03:10,635
And it was usually Huey Lewis.

58
00:03:10,670 --> 00:03:12,837
I liked the first post-credit
sequence the best.

59
00:03:12,872 --> 00:03:14,505
I liked the fifth.

60
00:03:14,541 --> 00:03:16,107
Pipe down. I'm trying to listen

61
00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:18,109
to preseason minor league baseball.

62
00:03:18,144 --> 00:03:19,677
And with the last

63
00:03:19,713 --> 00:03:21,179
of the Isotopes pitchers

64
00:03:21,214 --> 00:03:24,115
receiving Tommy John
surgery on the mound,

65
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,284
that's the ball game.
Good night, everybody.

66
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:30,888
Stupid baseball traffic.

67
00:03:30,924 --> 00:03:32,890
I'm taking a shortcut home.

68
00:03:35,929 --> 00:03:39,797
Kids, look. We used to live
here before we were married.

69
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:42,000
It's the old Beef Rendering District.

70
00:03:42,035 --> 00:03:44,535
Ah, yes, Tallow-town.

71
00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:46,070
At the end of every factory tour,

72
00:03:46,106 --> 00:03:48,239
they gave you a free glass of blood.

73
00:03:48,274 --> 00:03:50,708
Huh, it's really gentrified.

74
00:03:50,744 --> 00:03:53,478
Oh, a store where you grind and flavor

75
00:03:53,513 --> 00:03:55,713
your own house made toothpaste.

76
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:57,951
_

77
00:03:57,952 --> 00:04:00,351
Ooh. Mmm. Terrible.

78
00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:02,820
There's our old building. Look.

79
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:07,458
Our fifth floor walk-up apartment.

80
00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:11,562
Dad, you walked up
five floors every day?

81
00:04:11,598 --> 00:04:13,297
No. I took the elevator

82
00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:14,932
to the top of the building next door,

83
00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:17,201
then crawled across a plank to our roof.

84
00:04:17,237 --> 00:04:19,904
Hey! I pioneered that trail!

85
00:04:19,939 --> 00:04:22,073
Yeah, great. Thank you, Kit Carson.

86
00:04:22,108 --> 00:04:24,676
Kids, you want to check
out our old apartment?

87
00:04:24,711 --> 00:04:26,444
Huh? Huh?

88
00:04:26,479 --> 00:04:29,614
I can tell from your tone
that we're going either way.

89
00:04:29,649 --> 00:04:31,549
I have one tone.

90
00:04:33,953 --> 00:04:36,954
Hi. You don't know me,
but I'm Marge Simpson.

91
00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:39,257
Oh, yeah, I recognize that name.

92
00:04:39,292 --> 00:04:41,159
In fact, we still get mail for you.

93
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:42,493
Mm.
_

94
00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:43,728
Ooh.
_

95
00:04:43,763 --> 00:04:45,396
_

96
00:04:45,432 --> 00:04:46,964
Aw.
_

97
00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,266
Oh, thank God.

98
00:04:48,301 --> 00:04:51,569
A list of 101 new choking hazards.

99
00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:54,405
Pacifiers?

100
00:04:58,812 --> 00:05:00,878
No! No.

101
00:05:00,914 --> 00:05:02,914
Maggie!

102
00:05:02,949 --> 00:05:04,415
Oh, here.

103
00:05:04,451 --> 00:05:05,616
So can I get you anything?

104
00:05:05,652 --> 00:05:06,951
Weed? Edibles?

105
00:05:06,986 --> 00:05:08,519
Pudding with a joint in the center?

106
00:05:08,555 --> 00:05:09,954
But we need you out by 7:00.

107
00:05:09,989 --> 00:05:11,789
We Airbnb this place every night

108
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:13,725
while we stay at a cheaper Airbnb.

109
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,960
Mmm. Disruptive.

110
00:05:15,995 --> 00:05:20,098
Before Homer and I got married,
we had amazing times here.

111
00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:21,799
Yeah, right.

112
00:05:21,835 --> 00:05:24,135
Like you could possibly
ever have fun without us.

113
00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:25,970
It was a wonderful time.

114
00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:28,573
- We were living the DINK life.
- Dink?

115
00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:32,009
- DINK: dual income, no kids.
- Oh, DINK.

116
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:34,312
How come you can say dink when
you're talking about your jobs,

117
00:05:34,347 --> 00:05:37,582
but I can't say dink when
I'm talking about my dingus.

118
00:05:37,617 --> 00:05:39,917
Before we had you, life was a breeze.

119
00:05:39,953 --> 00:05:41,753
We'd go to amusement parks without going

120
00:05:41,788 --> 00:05:43,588
on those stupid baby rides.

121
00:05:43,623 --> 00:05:45,923
Squeezing my butt into a little biplane

122
00:05:45,992 --> 00:05:47,925
that only goes four feet off the ground.

123
00:05:47,961 --> 00:05:51,362
Actually, Dad, it's supposed
to go 12 feet off the ground.

124
00:05:51,397 --> 00:05:53,931
- D'oh!
- It was a great life.

125
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,600
We were swimming in DINKs.

126
00:05:57,337 --> 00:06:00,605
See? That was the key to
their happiness... no kids.

127
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,340
We've been talking about
starting a family,

128
00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:04,108
but we're just not sure we're ready.

129
00:06:04,144 --> 00:06:06,677
We can't even agree on
what to name our ferret.

130
00:06:06,713 --> 00:06:08,379
Yeah, we both like Caitlin,

131
00:06:08,414 --> 00:06:10,948
but we just, we can't
agree on the spelling.

132
00:06:13,086 --> 00:06:15,620
Well, we used to be just like you.

133
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:18,856
Childless and partying every night.

134
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:32,069
Hey, check out who crashed
the party, Kent Brockman.

135
00:06:32,105 --> 00:06:36,574
Ooh, he does the animal adoption
segment on Thursday mornings.

136
00:06:36,609 --> 00:06:38,643
Eh? Eh?

137
00:06:38,678 --> 00:06:40,178
Yes, the biggest problem with winning

138
00:06:40,213 --> 00:06:42,013
a local Humane Society Golden Pig Ear

139
00:06:42,048 --> 00:06:44,515
is just staying humble.

140
00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,651
This celebrity sighting will be the lede

141
00:06:46,686 --> 00:06:49,654
for my gossip column, "Marge Madness."

142
00:06:49,689 --> 00:06:52,390
- Hmm.
- Ow. What are you doing?

143
00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:54,258
There isn't even a dartboard.

144
00:06:54,294 --> 00:06:55,560
You're Marge Bouvier?

145
00:06:55,595 --> 00:06:57,195
Oh, I read your listings every week...

146
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:59,897
correct dates, very few
typos, professional stuff.

147
00:06:59,933 --> 00:07:01,232
- Mm.
- Just steer clear

148
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:03,768
of pet shelters and fun
runs, those are my beat.

149
00:07:03,803 --> 00:07:06,237
Mr. Brockman, you're hurting my arm.

150
00:07:06,272 --> 00:07:07,872
Oh, I'm sorry.

151
00:07:07,907 --> 00:07:10,908
I just care about soft news so much.

152
00:07:10,944 --> 00:07:13,444
I had a job at a cutting
edge new company

153
00:07:13,479 --> 00:07:15,112
that would change the world.

154
00:07:15,148 --> 00:07:17,715
Homer, next week we finally
take our revolutionary

155
00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:19,350
teeth whitening strips to market.

156
00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:20,785
I couldn't have done
it without you, man.

157
00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:22,920
Together, we make an amazing team.

158
00:07:22,956 --> 00:07:25,556
Me, with my advanced degrees
in medicine, chemistry

159
00:07:25,592 --> 00:07:28,559
and business, and you, with
your gentle good humor.

160
00:07:28,595 --> 00:07:30,361
I hear that.

161
00:07:30,396 --> 00:07:31,796
I love it.

162
00:07:31,831 --> 00:07:33,264
It's like I know you're
not listening to me,

163
00:07:33,299 --> 00:07:34,565
but I'm not mad at you.

164
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:36,133
- I'm sorry, what?
- Exactly.

165
00:07:36,169 --> 00:07:38,569
Buddy, whatever I make,
you get a piece of.

166
00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:41,639
I hear that. I mean, I really hear that.

167
00:07:43,643 --> 00:07:46,978
Homer took me to the
hippest spots in town.

168
00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:02,960
Oh, Homie.

169
00:08:02,996 --> 00:08:06,397
This is the happiest I've
ever been in my life.

170
00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:07,899
Hold onto it, Marge.

171
00:08:07,934 --> 00:08:09,734
Hold on and never let go.

172
00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:11,769
- The moment?
- No, the rail!

173
00:08:29,088 --> 00:08:32,189
Oh, quit resting.

174
00:08:32,225 --> 00:08:35,126
We'd see classic movies
whenever we wanted.

175
00:09:10,263 --> 00:09:12,663
Hey, some of us are trying
to enjoy the movie.

176
00:09:12,699 --> 00:09:14,231
No, none of us are.

177
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:19,670
At least I died before I'm 30!

178
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,107
_

179
00:09:21,108 --> 00:09:24,208
Yes, he was 47 when he made this film.

180
00:09:25,845 --> 00:09:27,311
Did you two lovebirds-a know

181
00:09:27,347 --> 00:09:29,080
there's a meteor shower tonight?

182
00:09:29,115 --> 00:09:32,216
Homie. We should drive
to the desert and watch it.

183
00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:35,653
What about the kids?
Oh, right, we have none.

184
00:09:44,397 --> 00:09:46,430
So why can't you do stuff like that now?

185
00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:47,765
Why do you think?

186
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,700
It couldn't be me, Booze 'n' snooze.

187
00:09:49,736 --> 00:09:51,268
Why you little...

188
00:09:51,304 --> 00:09:54,005
Marge!

189
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,774
Pick up the narrative!

190
00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:59,910
We were having the time of our lives.

191
00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:01,314
_

192
00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:11,502
And then it came.

193
00:10:11,503 --> 00:10:12,424
_

194
00:10:12,425 --> 00:10:13,791
Have some num-num.

195
00:10:13,826 --> 00:10:15,226
Who likes num-num?

196
00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:16,594
You like num-num?

197
00:10:16,629 --> 00:10:19,563
Oh, there's a meteor shower tonight.

198
00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:20,965
We'll do the next one.

199
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,701
It's in 187 years.

200
00:10:23,736 --> 00:10:25,936
Where are they coming from, outer space?

201
00:10:25,972 --> 00:10:27,304
Have some num-num.

202
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:30,081
Who likes num-num? You like num-num?

203
00:10:31,014 --> 00:10:34,012
Where did this beautiful man go?

204
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:35,280
Dad,

205
00:10:35,315 --> 00:10:37,449
I know it was fun to be young and free,

206
00:10:37,484 --> 00:10:40,485
but how could you ever replace us?

207
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,455
Pool table, jukebox, and
a vacation to Bermuda.

208
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:45,257
Dad! Can you please get to the part

209
00:10:45,292 --> 00:10:48,126
where you reassure us how
glad you are we're here?

210
00:10:48,161 --> 00:10:50,662
Hey, as long as I'm the
pool table, I'm cool.

211
00:10:50,697 --> 00:10:52,197
Sweetie, I treasure you.

212
00:10:52,232 --> 00:10:53,465
But before you kids,

213
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,967
I used to know the names
of people in bands!

214
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,670
And not just the singer,
but the guitar guy!

215
00:10:58,705 --> 00:11:03,174
And baby Bart was the worst son
of a bitch you could imagine.

216
00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:05,944
We were the first of
our friends to have a baby,

217
00:11:05,979 --> 00:11:07,979
so we got lots of attention.

218
00:11:08,015 --> 00:11:09,981
- Aw.
- Aw.

219
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:12,951
Aw, hey, little man. Up high.

220
00:11:12,986 --> 00:11:14,686
Down low. Too slow.

221
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:19,791
Again!

222
00:11:19,826 --> 00:11:21,893
All right. Up high.

223
00:11:23,263 --> 00:11:25,397
Oh! Ow! What was that?!

224
00:11:25,432 --> 00:11:27,365
Oh, that's tangelo! Come on!

225
00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,402
That's the most acidic
of all the citrus fruits!

226
00:11:30,437 --> 00:11:33,571
I see now that even
babies don't respect you.

227
00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:37,042
Were you planning on bringing
this brat to board game night?

228
00:11:37,077 --> 00:11:38,410
Oh, sea salt!

229
00:11:38,445 --> 00:11:40,612
The biggest crystals of all!

230
00:11:41,648 --> 00:11:43,148
We don't have a sitter.

231
00:11:43,183 --> 00:11:45,016
Invitation rescinded!

232
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,719
Next, baby Bart ruined
my one shot at success,

233
00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:50,422
my only fast pass to cash mountain.

234
00:11:50,457 --> 00:11:52,090
Yes, thank you. You won't be sorry.

235
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:53,425
We're goin' places, Homer.

236
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:55,160
Soon you'll be in a higher tax bracket.

237
00:11:55,195 --> 00:11:57,829
D'oh!

238
00:11:57,864 --> 00:11:59,998
What's that thing on your shoulder?

239
00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:01,733
Uh, my son.

240
00:12:01,768 --> 00:12:03,201
You can't have a kid.

241
00:12:03,236 --> 00:12:05,637
But I have a kid.

242
00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:08,173
A kid indicates you took time
away from me to conceive.

243
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:09,975
It's like a virus. It starts spreading,

244
00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:11,943
and suddenly everyone's getting married

245
00:12:11,979 --> 00:12:13,078
when they should be working.

246
00:12:13,113 --> 00:12:14,546
Working. Always working.

247
00:12:14,581 --> 00:12:15,747
Ooh.

248
00:12:15,782 --> 00:12:17,882
I have a difficult choice here.

249
00:12:17,918 --> 00:12:20,919
You chose me over money?

250
00:12:20,954 --> 00:12:23,455
Ooh! I deserved that.

251
00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:25,790
And that. Now he's worth $10 billion.

252
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:28,360
I still have his phone number,
but I've never called it.

253
00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:29,461
Well, why not?

254
00:12:29,496 --> 00:12:30,595
He loved you before.

255
00:12:30,630 --> 00:12:32,130
You're the same guy.

256
00:12:32,165 --> 00:12:33,231
Yeah!

257
00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:35,700
Homer Simpson?

258
00:12:35,736 --> 00:12:37,235
Buddy, is that you?

259
00:12:37,270 --> 00:12:39,604
I've been expecting this call for years.

260
00:12:39,639 --> 00:12:41,139
You remember me?

261
00:12:41,174 --> 00:12:43,908
Of course. I've been waiting
to say something to you.

262
00:12:43,944 --> 00:12:45,043
Are you ready?

263
00:12:45,078 --> 00:12:46,411
I sure am.

264
00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:48,747
Good-bye

265
00:12:48,782 --> 00:12:51,383
forever.

266
00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:54,719
Oh.
_

267
00:12:57,190 --> 00:12:59,724
Closure is supposed to be a good thing.

268
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:04,062
Also, I'm afraid, a newborn and
a journalism career did not mix.

269
00:13:04,097 --> 00:13:06,765
This is terrible! I wanted
quotes from the swing set,

270
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,299
not price quotes on swing sets.

271
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:11,436
Party pics, not potty tips.

272
00:13:11,471 --> 00:13:13,238
Glitterati, not babysitterati.

273
00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:15,340
Are you getting my drift
or should I throw you an oar?

274
00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:18,476
It's important for new
parents to know this stuff.

275
00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:19,778
New parents? Eh.

276
00:13:19,813 --> 00:13:21,112
They're not the audience
for the Leisure Section.

277
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,447
All they care about are babies.

278
00:13:22,482 --> 00:13:24,249
Babies are boring. I'd
rather talk about soccer.

279
00:13:24,284 --> 00:13:25,285
And I hate soccer!

280
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,851
Marge, do you like bacon?

281
00:13:26,887 --> 00:13:28,086
Yes, ac...

282
00:13:28,121 --> 00:13:29,654
Well, you got one last
chance to save yours.

283
00:13:29,689 --> 00:13:31,456
Get me a good nightlife
story, or I'm replacing you

284
00:13:31,491 --> 00:13:34,092
with someone with a nightlife,
Barbara Rellalinsky!

285
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:36,628
I will get the scoop.

286
00:13:36,663 --> 00:13:38,296
- So,
- _

287
00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:41,299
you've moved into
painting giant schnozzes.

288
00:13:41,334 --> 00:13:43,768
Marge, the mouth has had its say.

289
00:13:43,804 --> 00:13:47,105
Now it's time to find out
what the nose knows.

290
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,607
That's a pull-quote,
if ever I heard one.

291
00:13:49,643 --> 00:13:52,143
Pretty much everything
I say is quotable.

292
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,279
Well, not that.

293
00:13:55,615 --> 00:13:57,248
What are you doing here?

294
00:13:57,284 --> 00:13:58,783
I'm so sorry, sweetie.

295
00:13:58,819 --> 00:14:00,318
I know it's my night to watch Bart,

296
00:14:00,353 --> 00:14:02,020
but he just won't stop fussing.

297
00:14:02,055 --> 00:14:04,823
Did you try driving around
to make him fall asleep?

298
00:14:04,858 --> 00:14:06,591
It only worked on me.

299
00:14:11,998 --> 00:14:15,200
Next stop: Somali Pirate Island.

300
00:14:15,235 --> 00:14:16,301
D'oh!

301
00:14:19,873 --> 00:14:22,207
Bunny!

302
00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:34,719
It's not art anymore!

303
00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:37,255
It's a misshapen lump on the floor!

304
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:39,924
Not like this masterpiece!

305
00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:42,944
_

306
00:14:42,945 --> 00:14:44,362
Marge, this photo is dynamite!

307
00:14:44,397 --> 00:14:45,432
Thank you!

308
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:46,731
Dynamite kills people!

309
00:14:46,766 --> 00:14:49,200
Thanks to your kid, we just
lost all our art advertising,

310
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,402
the art gallery and Art's Deli,
which catered the event.

311
00:14:51,438 --> 00:14:53,404
You're fired! Turn in your
press card and your fedora!

312
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,206
And I'm gonna erase your name
from this birthday card

313
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:57,142
we got for Doris.

314
00:14:57,177 --> 00:14:59,511
See? It's gone! She won't
miss it. She never liked you.

315
00:14:59,546 --> 00:15:01,713
But I still had the
greatest job in the world,

316
00:15:01,748 --> 00:15:04,149
I thought: Being a mom.

317
00:15:08,922 --> 00:15:10,255
Boy, if it wasn't for naptime,
_

318
00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:12,924
we'd have all been dead
from the stress years ago.

319
00:15:15,662 --> 00:15:16,950
_

320
00:15:18,231 --> 00:15:21,099
I didn't do it.

321
00:15:21,134 --> 00:15:23,768
You are banned forever from Gymdandee;
_

322
00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:26,571
our sister shops, Swimdandee
and Violindandee;

323
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:28,773
and all other Kid Kennel
enrichment centers

324
00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:29,941
and baby prisons.

325
00:15:31,745 --> 00:15:33,444
Hey, Homer.

326
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,113
Haven't seen you in a while.

327
00:15:35,148 --> 00:15:36,614
I switched to donuts.

328
00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:38,116
Oy.

329
00:15:38,151 --> 00:15:39,817
Our dream life crumbling,

330
00:15:39,853 --> 00:15:42,620
Homie and I sought
counseling at the church.

331
00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:44,122
_

332
00:15:44,157 --> 00:15:47,392
You were so very wise to
bring your problems here.

333
00:15:47,427 --> 00:15:49,394
Now, won't you bow your heads

334
00:15:49,429 --> 00:15:51,462
and watch this video.

335
00:15:51,498 --> 00:15:54,299
_

336
00:15:54,334 --> 00:15:57,402
_

337
00:15:57,437 --> 00:16:00,205
Hello. I'm Professor Thernstrom,

338
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,142
author of Fractured Families
and How to Heal Them.

339
00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:07,645
I think we all know who
Professor Thernstrom is.

340
00:16:07,681 --> 00:16:09,547
Play the video.

341
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:11,482
Jane was an only child.

342
00:16:11,518 --> 00:16:13,818
And science has proven
that only children

343
00:16:13,853 --> 00:16:15,286
are lonely children

344
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:18,389
and lonely children are evil children.

345
00:16:23,129 --> 00:16:26,497
Jane's problems became
the family's problems.

346
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:28,800
_

347
00:16:32,305 --> 00:16:35,006
They came to see me,
and, nine months later,

348
00:16:35,041 --> 00:16:37,275
Joe was born, and all was well.

349
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:38,943
Do not undertake procreation alone.

350
00:16:38,979 --> 00:16:40,878
Warning: second child
may cause loss of money,

351
00:16:40,914 --> 00:16:42,413
limited vacations, and reduced sleep.

352
00:16:42,449 --> 00:16:44,148
Do not have a second child
if you have heart problems,

353
00:16:44,184 --> 00:16:45,950
are pregnant, or want to
keep your spare bedroom.

354
00:16:45,986 --> 00:16:48,686
In rare cases, sibling
rivalry may occur.

355
00:16:51,658 --> 00:16:52,890
That's it, Homie!

356
00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:54,292
That's the answer!

357
00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:56,294
We're having another child.

358
00:16:56,329 --> 00:16:57,562
But just the one.

359
00:16:57,597 --> 00:16:59,197
We're not Catholics.

360
00:16:59,232 --> 00:17:01,733
And so we decided to have Lisa.

361
00:17:01,768 --> 00:17:03,401
That's what this was building to?

362
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:06,070
I thought this was the story
of how we got our furnace.

363
00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:08,606
Who would care how we got the furnace?

364
00:17:08,642 --> 00:17:09,643
I would care.

365
00:17:09,644 --> 00:17:10,942
It came with the house.

366
00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:12,844
Mystery solved!

367
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,682
_

368
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,050
Finally, he's asleep.
Let's make another.

369
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:25,052
- Mmm, mmm.
- No. Oh, not here.

370
00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,922
He might wake up. The only safe
place is out on the fire escape.

371
00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:29,523
What if firemen need it?
_

372
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:31,525
I'll be quick.

373
00:17:32,628 --> 00:17:36,163
Now Mother Nature does the rest.

374
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,800
Hmm...

375
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:44,939
Duh, girls don't like me.

376
00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:54,048
Hey! No fair!

377
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:56,050
Hey, where did he get those glasses?

378
00:17:56,085 --> 00:17:58,619
The saxophone makes sense,
but the glasses don't?

379
00:17:58,654 --> 00:18:00,154
Shut up, you!

380
00:18:00,189 --> 00:18:02,156
Shut up!

381
00:18:05,828 --> 00:18:08,929
And so after a lot
of late-night ice cream

382
00:18:08,965 --> 00:18:10,194
and pickles,

383
00:18:10,195 --> 00:18:11,532
Lisa was born.

384
00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:13,000
And the best part was

385
00:18:13,035 --> 00:18:16,203
Bart became the calmest
boy in the whole world.

386
00:18:16,238 --> 00:18:17,671
More or less.

387
00:18:17,707 --> 00:18:19,006
Why, you...

388
00:18:19,041 --> 00:18:22,476
You delightful little blessing.

389
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,448
Someone's gonna need
four months of rehab.

390
00:18:27,483 --> 00:18:29,383
Not covered by insurance.

391
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,054
So a family with kids is a
different kind of happy,

392
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:35,723
but still happy.

393
00:18:35,758 --> 00:18:38,325
Wow. Just, uh... wow.

394
00:18:38,361 --> 00:18:39,727
Hey, where's your wife?

395
00:18:39,762 --> 00:18:42,062
Uh, she left me forever
during your story.

396
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:44,331
If you look out the window,
you can probably see her.

397
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:45,733
Oh.

398
00:18:45,768 --> 00:18:47,267
Why did you leave?!

399
00:18:47,303 --> 00:18:49,937
Because I never want to be
stuck with people like you

400
00:18:49,972 --> 00:18:53,641
who stunt each other's growth
with your rampant dysfunction!

401
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:57,544
Quick. Family smile.

402
00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:59,046
Our lives are great!

403
00:18:59,081 --> 00:19:02,650
We left out the happy parts
because they were boring!

404
00:19:02,718 --> 00:19:05,019
Nothing wrong with this picture.

405
00:19:09,558 --> 00:19:10,691
Get over here, Lisa.

406
00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:12,192
The only way humanity survives

407
00:19:12,228 --> 00:19:15,596
is if people perpetuate this lie.

408
00:19:15,631 --> 00:19:17,064
Well, why is she frowning?

409
00:19:17,099 --> 00:19:19,199
Is there some unhappiness you're hiding?

410
00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:20,701
Um...

411
00:19:20,736 --> 00:19:23,604
I'm gonna stake my whole
marriage on what you do next!

412
00:19:23,639 --> 00:19:25,572
Smile. Don't be a dink.

413
00:19:25,641 --> 00:19:26,907
Mm...

414
00:19:29,045 --> 00:19:31,612
I love you, Miles!

415
00:19:35,418 --> 00:19:36,717
You did it, sweetie.

416
00:19:36,752 --> 00:19:38,585
You saved two bad marriages.

417
00:19:38,621 --> 00:19:40,921
What's the first bad marriage?

418
00:19:40,956 --> 00:19:42,189
Uh, I miscounted.

419
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:44,024
You saved one bad marriage. Just one.

420
00:19:45,128 --> 00:19:47,663
Aw, reminds me of the
first time we hugged.

421
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:48,698
Great story.

422
00:19:48,699 --> 00:19:50,030
Get out.

423
00:19:50,066 --> 00:19:52,199
Well, we may not be ethical,

424
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,934
but we're a great team.

425
00:19:53,969 --> 00:19:56,270
Just like Fred and Ethical.

426
00:19:56,305 --> 00:19:57,805
Want to tell us how Maggie was born?

427
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,273
We told you that story.

428
00:19:59,308 --> 00:20:01,608
- And how we got the dog?
- Found him at Christmas.

429
00:20:01,644 --> 00:20:04,477
- And the origin of the cat?
- Nobody cares.

430
00:20:04,992 --> 00:20:07,487
This was a nice idea, Homie.
_

431
00:20:07,717 --> 00:20:09,217
I'm glad we came back here.

432
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:10,485
Just the two of us.

433
00:20:13,022 --> 00:20:14,922
Just imagine what they'd do

434
00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:16,991
if Grampa wasn't watching them.

435
00:20:17,026 --> 00:20:19,260
I wish I'd never had kids.

436
00:20:19,295 --> 00:20:22,263
Thank God there's no munitions
left in the factory.

437
00:20:22,298 --> 00:20:23,598
Never too late for another!

438
00:20:23,633 --> 00:20:25,867
No one's made it out in a half century!

439
00:20:25,902 --> 00:20:27,902
I didn't even know
there were five of us!

440
00:20:33,443 --> 00:20:34,876
Make room! What the...?

441
00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,544
How did you get in here?

442
00:20:36,579 --> 00:20:38,179
Mind your own business.

443
00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:43,894
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