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Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

2
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- I'm a cannibal.
- I'm going to get Jasper.

3
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You knew where Jasper
was this whole time?

4
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- You know what you need to do.
- We have to kill him.

5
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I took the liberty of
cutting up some straws.

6
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Got it!

7
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I can't do...

8
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So?

9
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I did it.

10
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You killed him?

11
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Oh, yeah.

12
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I don't even remember
pulling the trigger.

13
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I mean, my back was
still to him, you know?

14
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And then I heard a popping sound.

15
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Uh, the gun must have
just discharged early.

16
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Your gun discharged early?

17
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Gail, this is not the time
for a hurtful sexual joke.

18
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We're talking about a man's life here.

19
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And Carol and I have been
working through that problem.

20
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- Yeah.
- Anyway...

21
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- So you weren't even aiming at him?
- Yeah.

22
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But, I mean, it must have
ricocheted off something

23
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and hit him, 'cause
when I turned around,

24
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he was majorly dead.

25
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You know, lower body
still relatively intact.

26
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Upper body just went full
Houdini on me, though.

27
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You know, just disappeared.
Not there anymore.

28
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Oh, you're...

29
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You're telling me. I
mean, the whole room looks

30
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like a Thanksgiving toilet
after a turkey recall.

31
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Just spattered. Warped.

32
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- Gross. Well, it just doesn't add up.
- Look, maybe it'll help

33
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if I take you through
an improvised recreation

34
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of the events.

35
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So, obviously, I opened

36
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with your standard
vase-based practice shot.

37
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Then, from the other
room, I heard Carol say...

38
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"Is it over?"

39
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- Is it over?
- To which I replied...

40
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"Practice shot. Doing it now."

41
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And then a poignant final good-bye.

42
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And then I counted off ten paces.

43
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One,

44
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two,

45
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three,

46
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four, blah, blah, blah...

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Yeah.

48
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Six,

49
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seven,

50
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eight, nine,

51
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ten.

52
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Gun went off.

53
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Thanksgiving toilet.

54
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Maybe it'll make more sense
if we go to the actual room.

55
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Come on.

56
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Oh, my God.

57
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No, we'll take your
word for it. Thank you.

58
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I killed him.

59
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? Hungry eyes ?

60
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? I see the magic
between you and I ?

61
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? Hungry eyes. ?

62
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A fitting tribute.

63
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We're gathered here today
to lay rest to most of Karl.

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As we all know, he was
a very complex person.

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So we bury him in two separate caskets

66
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as a symbol of the two
starkly contrasting sides

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of his personality.

68
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One of those sides

69
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was solid, kinda together.

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The other side was just a friggin' mess,

71
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yeah, as represented by this
loose bag of human bric-a-brac

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that we cobbled
together off the curtains

73
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and rugs and floors and such.

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Karl, we send you our thoughts

75
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and prayers as you hurtle, screaming,

76
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on your terrifying journey to Hell.

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Heck, you're probably chewing
on Bill Cosby's gallbladder

78
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right now,

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washing it down with
a warm cup of diarrhea.

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I don't know much about cannibalism.

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I assume that's how it works.

82
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Back to the matter at hand.

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Lucifer, it's me again.

84
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Please take care of our Karl.

85
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He was a gentle killer

86
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who, uh, tried very hard
not to eat his friends.

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Upside-down amen.

88
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Now, is there

89
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anything that anybody'd
like to say about Karl?

90
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Um...

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Karl,

92
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in case you need a snack

93
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on your unholy journey,

94
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I collected some of Tandy's
dandruff and foot skin flakes.

95
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I sprinkle them over you now.

96
00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:23,335
Um...

97
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I'm sorry you had to die.

98
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Um, but you are a people eater,

99
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and I couldn't risk you eating my baby.

100
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Well said, Erica.

101
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That job belongs to dingoes.

102
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National tragedy, but... it's fine.

103
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Anybody else?

104
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I'd like to say a few words.

105
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I've been thinking.

106
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For the first time since the
virus took our world away,

107
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I've been really happy.

108
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Like happy to the point

109
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that I almost forgot what life was like

110
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when there were people around.

111
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But then Karl came,

112
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and he threatened to take
all of that away from me.

113
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So I just want to say,

114
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,228
thank you, Tandy.

115
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You were right about Karl,

116
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and I was too stubborn to see it.

117
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And I just want you to know

118
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that we all owe you a debt of gratitude,

119
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and that will not soon be forgotten.

120
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- Uh, uh...
- Oh,

121
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and, you know, I just also want to say

122
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that it's really refreshing

123
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to see you listen to me

124
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and not have to just jump
right in and toot your own horn

125
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or do that dumb little
nose laugh thing you do.

126
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I don't do that.

127
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Oh, you do. Y'all just do your Tandy.

128
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What?

129
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You've really changed.

130
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So, keep it up.

131
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I don't know what to say. I, uh...

132
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Let's see what else I have here. Uh...

133
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Wouldn't you know it,

134
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on every single card, it just says,

135
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"Hey, you guys are the heroes.

136
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"I'm just a mirror

137
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:18,459
reflecting your heroism."

138
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That's what they all
say. You can read it.

139
00:06:21,899 --> 00:06:26,267
? Amazing grace ?

140
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:30,811
? How sweet the sound ?

141
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? That saved a wretch ?

142
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? Like him and him. ?

143
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Oooh.

144
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Oh my God!

145
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Oh, Carol. I mean,

146
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you saw it. She was,
like, gushing with praise.

147
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- Oh, she absolutely was.
- And I was just frozen.

148
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:52,753
I couldn't believe it. I was like...

149
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I mean, you saw it.

150
00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:57,423
I did. I was taken aback.

151
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,082
I was taken several backs.

152
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:02,041
- I was like this...
- I saw you.

153
00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:04,338
But I couldn't move. It was like...

154
00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:05,960
And I was like...

155
00:07:07,222 --> 00:07:08,709
I can't do it.

156
00:07:08,778 --> 00:07:10,711
I can't move.

157
00:07:14,180 --> 00:07:15,516
Tandy,

158
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this is a huge breakthrough.

159
00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:20,800
I don't know about that, Care Bear.

160
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I-I mean, obviously,

161
00:07:22,399 --> 00:07:24,079
the rest of the group
really admires me, but...

162
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Understatement of the century.

163
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,361
But for Gail...

164
00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:30,929
you know, I think it's still
just, like, a very deep respect.

165
00:07:30,954 --> 00:07:32,533
But, hey, I mean, that's not nothing.

166
00:07:32,568 --> 00:07:35,669
Maybe it could be not not nothing.

167
00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:37,605
You mean... something?

168
00:07:37,947 --> 00:07:39,614
You keep this up,

169
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Gail's gonna go from
being your mother-in-law

170
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to a mother-in-awe.

171
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And that would be great,

172
00:07:46,009 --> 00:07:48,411
but that's not what
this is about, Carol.

173
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This is about me being
the best Tandy I can be

174
00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:54,488
for no other reason than
it just feels really good.

175
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Aw.

176
00:07:55,591 --> 00:07:57,391
Carol, what's happening to me?

177
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You killed a man.

178
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I should murder people more often.

179
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And there we go.

180
00:08:05,829 --> 00:08:07,071
Come on, Todd.

181
00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:08,195
Just 'cause we're in a little fight

182
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,470
doesn't mean you need to sleep out here.

183
00:08:09,539 --> 00:08:12,105
Oh, this isn't for me. This is for you.

184
00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:13,963
It's the liar's couch.

185
00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:16,310
That's a chair.

186
00:08:16,379 --> 00:08:17,411
Congratulations.

187
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,522
Now you know what it
feels like to be lied to.

188
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,583
Fine, Todd.

189
00:08:21,608 --> 00:08:23,751
I am sorry I didn't
tell you about Jasper.

190
00:08:23,819 --> 00:08:25,419
Oh, she's sorry.

191
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:26,754
I made a promise to him.

192
00:08:26,822 --> 00:08:29,557
Y-You knew I was out there
looking for him, worried sick.

193
00:08:29,625 --> 00:08:31,492
I mean, when were you
planning on letting me know?

194
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Do you think I wanted
to be in this position?

195
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:35,396
Lying to everyone?

196
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:36,222
I don't know.

197
00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:37,565
All I was trying to do was to make sure

198
00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:39,600
that nine-to-11-year-old
little boy had a lifeline

199
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,535
so that we didn't lose him altogether.

200
00:08:43,539 --> 00:08:45,212
I made a promise.

201
00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:47,474
I know, and I'm-I'm...

202
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,160
Geez, I'm sorry.

203
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,579
Really, I'm-I'm sorry.

204
00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,940
I'm sorry, too.

205
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:58,519
Well, I'm glad we settled that.

206
00:08:59,157 --> 00:09:00,598
So, where is he?

207
00:09:01,069 --> 00:09:02,135
- Todd.
- What?

208
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,759
You know I can't tell you that.

209
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:04,583
Why?

210
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,594
We just went over this!

211
00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:08,395
Well, then I bid you good night!

212
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,397
Okay? Sweet nightmares!

213
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:13,334
Enjoy your chair bed!

214
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,620
Ridiculous.

215
00:09:19,163 --> 00:09:20,341
Wow.

216
00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:21,675
Oh.

217
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,311
What's going on in here?

218
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:26,046
Eh, just doing a little cleanup.

219
00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:27,781
You cleaned up this whole room?

220
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,718
Well, I had a little
help from Seņor Clean.

221
00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:33,176
Tandy Miller, what's gotten into you?

222
00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,217
It looks like the Tandy-man

223
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,417
has become the handyman.

224
00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:38,325
Hey, gals.

225
00:09:38,350 --> 00:09:39,393
Come on, cut it out.

226
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,362
We all would have done the same thing.

227
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:43,108
- It's no big deal.
- Wait.

228
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:46,467
Did you just say "no big deal"

229
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,369
instead of saying "NBD"

230
00:09:48,437 --> 00:09:50,404
or "nizzle bizzle dizzy"?

231
00:09:50,473 --> 00:09:52,406
Fresh pot of coffee on the table.

232
00:09:52,475 --> 00:09:53,641
Help yourself.

233
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,381
Um, Tandy,

234
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,042
do we have any creamer?

235
00:10:03,066 --> 00:10:04,385
Creamer?

236
00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:07,335
- No, I don't think that we do, no.
- Wait, Tandy.

237
00:10:07,456 --> 00:10:09,972
Come on. Really listen to me.

238
00:10:10,495 --> 00:10:13,460
Do we have any cream... her?

239
00:10:14,341 --> 00:10:15,253
Sorry, no.

240
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:17,253
I can pop out to the store.

241
00:10:17,278 --> 00:10:19,324
Come on, Tandy. You
know what she's saying.

242
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:20,855
Gail, set me up.

243
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,369
Erica, do we have any creamer?

244
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:23,437
Creamer? I hardly knew her.

245
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,606
Boom! Doy, duh.

246
00:10:26,238 --> 00:10:28,305
That's very funny.

247
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:30,016
But, look, I should
probably just keep focused

248
00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,274
on the task at hand.

249
00:10:31,299 --> 00:10:34,167
Oh, Gail, can you pass me that
cleaner-no-further-comment?

250
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:40,669
Thank you.

251
00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:51,622
You're going to see him, aren't you?

252
00:10:51,647 --> 00:10:54,501
- You scared me.
- Oh.

253
00:10:54,537 --> 00:10:55,669
You were scared?

254
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,411
In the... in the
comfort of your own home?

255
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:01,408
I wonder how a boy
alone in the woods feels.

256
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,343
Todd, it's 11:00 a.m.
What are you drinking?

257
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,379
Well, I wish it was poison.

258
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,517
But if you must know,
it's Bud Light Lime, rocks.

259
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,538
And I'm already two deep.

260
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,441
Ah.

261
00:11:15,584 --> 00:11:17,210
I'm coming with you.

262
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,387
We talked about this.

263
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:20,661
Melissa, look, this craziness
has gone on long enough.

264
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:23,530
I'm coming with you. I'm
not taking no for an answer.

265
00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:25,666
- No.
- Fine!

266
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,917
What are you doing?

267
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,751
Well, uh, people have been complaining

268
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:47,167
about the dirty diaper pile,

269
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:49,389
so I decided to do something about it.

270
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,591
And balloons is your answer?

271
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,392
That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

272
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:55,334
I don't know. It smells better already.

273
00:11:55,359 --> 00:11:56,648
Looks kind of fun.

274
00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,061
I'm on board.

275
00:11:58,086 --> 00:11:59,219
Thanks, G Spot.

276
00:11:59,244 --> 00:12:01,179
G Spot?

277
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:02,469
Tandy Miller, do you know

278
00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,437
they used to call me
that in high school?

279
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,372
What?

280
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:06,406
Two years ago?

281
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:10,410
Now, you're gonna make me blush.

282
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:11,568
Hey, where you going

283
00:12:11,593 --> 00:12:12,556
with that cooler, hon?

284
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:14,226
Gail, you know exactly where I'm going.

285
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:16,251
So, if you want to give
me any crap, just save it.

286
00:12:16,678 --> 00:12:17,695
Melissa?

287
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:18,753
What?

288
00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:20,792
Go to him.

289
00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,107
G Spot, you want to do one?

290
00:12:28,132 --> 00:12:30,966
- Duh.
- Well, get in here, girl.

291
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,457
No I'm being serious.

292
00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:53,999
Blue raspberry's not a real flavor.

293
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:56,251
The Pop-Tart people just made it up.

294
00:12:57,956 --> 00:12:59,454
Scored you some new comic books.

295
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,511
Thanks.

296
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,180
So, I have to tell you something.

297
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:05,031
The others found out I know.

298
00:13:05,056 --> 00:13:06,022
What?

299
00:13:06,047 --> 00:13:07,384
There was this really big emergency,

300
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,061
and this guy was trying to eat us,

301
00:13:09,086 --> 00:13:11,555
and then Tandy exploded him.

302
00:13:11,586 --> 00:13:13,157
There was blood and guts everywhere.

303
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,922
Really gross. You would have loved it.

304
00:13:15,584 --> 00:13:17,667
Anyway, I had to tell them,

305
00:13:17,691 --> 00:13:19,432
so they're all really mad at me.

306
00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:22,370
Because they just really miss you.

307
00:13:23,081 --> 00:13:25,046
Especially Todd.

308
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,305
But I won't tell them.

309
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:31,676
I won't tell them where you are
if you don't want me to. Okay?

310
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,869
Just keep bringing you Pop-Tarts.

311
00:13:38,622 --> 00:13:40,451
Such a healthy diet.

312
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:44,125
Come in.

313
00:13:48,807 --> 00:13:51,302
What are you all dressed up for?

314
00:13:51,818 --> 00:13:53,852
- I have a date.
- Oh, yeah?

315
00:13:54,197 --> 00:13:56,487
What are you getting your bad self into?

316
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,424
I'm having a drink...

317
00:13:58,665 --> 00:14:00,665
with my mother-in-law.

318
00:14:01,565 --> 00:14:03,118
What do you say, G Spot?

319
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,441
Well, hooty!

320
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,343
Yeah, let's do it!

321
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,412
- Really?
- Yeah.

322
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:19,751
- What the hell, Todd?
- Look, I can explain.

323
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,647
There he is. You want to talk
to him so bad, go talk to him.

324
00:14:22,672 --> 00:14:24,914
- No, I... I shouldn't.
- Then why did you come here?

325
00:14:24,939 --> 00:14:27,231
Look, I wanted to talk to him, okay?

326
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:29,609
But then I saw you with him,

327
00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,570
and I realized he doesn't trust me

328
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,834
like he trusts you.

329
00:14:34,514 --> 00:14:36,407
All I do is freak him out.

330
00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:39,048
And you...

331
00:14:39,935 --> 00:14:41,703
you're really good with him.

332
00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:48,865
- What?
- It's just funny, you know.

333
00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,424
I want to be a dad so bad,

334
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:53,352
but I just keep chunking it.

335
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,626
You... you hate the idea of
being a mom, but you're...

336
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,959
- Todd.
- I'm just saying.

337
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,263
- Well, don't.
- All right.

338
00:15:00,677 --> 00:15:03,067
Look, don't worry. I've
given up on being a dad.

339
00:15:03,183 --> 00:15:04,142
You have?

340
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,292
Yeah, it's just not
in the cards, you know.

341
00:15:06,293 --> 00:15:08,918
I can still be an uncle.

342
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,741
You know, uncle's not bad.

343
00:15:10,766 --> 00:15:12,032
There are some perks.

344
00:15:12,057 --> 00:15:14,963
You know? All the good stuff,
none of the responsibilities.

345
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,137
And that's enough for you?

346
00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:21,029
I guess it's gonna have to be.

347
00:15:23,375 --> 00:15:25,417
Come on, let's go.

348
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,941
You want another shot?

349
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,065
Hit me.

350
00:15:37,255 --> 00:15:38,967
Oh, boy!

351
00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:40,537
Yeah, that's fantastic!

352
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,107
G Spot represent!

353
00:15:45,265 --> 00:15:46,477
? Gary, Indiana ?

354
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:51,213
? Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana! ?

355
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,670
Hey, you know what?

356
00:15:57,717 --> 00:16:00,818
I'm having a really nice time with you.

357
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,203
Tandy, what's wrong?

358
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:11,101
That just means a lot

359
00:16:11,364 --> 00:16:13,203
to hear you say that.

360
00:16:13,228 --> 00:16:15,072
It's no secret. You and I have

361
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,142
gone through some rough
patches with our relationship.

362
00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,624
But it feels like we're in a
really good place right now,

363
00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,850
and that's important to me, you know?

364
00:16:24,328 --> 00:16:27,184
Why do you care so much what I think?

365
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,824
Guess I'm just not
used to getting praise.

366
00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:33,042
You know, growing up, my brother
always got all the attention.

367
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,834
He was a real overachiever.

368
00:16:34,942 --> 00:16:37,261
My parents just ate it up.

369
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:39,396
It's like I wasn't even there.

370
00:16:40,317 --> 00:16:42,199
So that's why, at the funeral,

371
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,234
when you told me I did good,

372
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:48,138
oh, man, it just made me feel like...

373
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:53,143
Like I finally made
the fridge, you know?

374
00:16:54,835 --> 00:16:57,561
You've come a long way since Tucson.

375
00:16:57,586 --> 00:16:59,100
And you know what?

376
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:01,245
I bet, if your parents were still alive,

377
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,959
they'd be just as proud of you as I am.

378
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,140
Your friendship means a lot to me.

379
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:07,950
Oh, come on.

380
00:17:07,975 --> 00:17:10,263
Who are we kidding? Friends?

381
00:17:10,288 --> 00:17:12,421
Oh, after all we've been through,

382
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:15,177
we're way more than just friends.

383
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,085
You get me?

384
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:22,293
Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

385
00:17:22,314 --> 00:17:23,818
Um, you know, I...

386
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:27,711
I, uh... I should, uh, probably
get back to my wife Carol.

387
00:17:27,736 --> 00:17:29,399
You don't want a little more wine?

388
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,792
Mm, I don't think that'd be a good idea.

389
00:17:44,417 --> 00:17:45,581
I'm thoroughly positive

390
00:17:45,626 --> 00:17:48,084
that Bezequille's birthmark is growing,

391
00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:50,043
but the Pilbasians always go

392
00:17:50,078 --> 00:17:51,878
through a birthmark growth phase.

393
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:54,630
Waxing during the baby phase,

394
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,585
and then waning as toddlers,

395
00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:59,702
and then really kicking into
high gear during puberty.

396
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:00,803
I see.

397
00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:02,238
Oh, Tandy.

398
00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:05,450
I was having the most
interesting chat with Gail.

399
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:06,933
And, uh, let me guess.

400
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,444
Did it happen to include

401
00:18:08,469 --> 00:18:10,747
how your mother wants
to have sex with me?

402
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:11,710
- Oh, Lord.
- What?

403
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,418
I should've seen it coming, Carol.

404
00:18:13,436 --> 00:18:15,818
I mean, that whole put-on
at the funeral was all

405
00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:18,460
just a long con to get at my dong.

406
00:18:18,489 --> 00:18:20,188
A funeral, Gail?

407
00:18:20,213 --> 00:18:22,643
That's where you like
to cruise for meat, huh?

408
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,738
Tandy, what the hell
are you talking about?

409
00:18:24,763 --> 00:18:27,235
I could ask you the same
question, couldn't I?

410
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,866
To think I used to look
at you like a mother!

411
00:18:29,935 --> 00:18:34,070
And then you started with the
innuendo and the hand play.

412
00:18:34,636 --> 00:18:37,674
Tried to take us back to the
moment where we first met.

413
00:18:37,776 --> 00:18:38,908
When the drinks were flowing

414
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,542
and skinny-dipping was
the topic of the day.

415
00:18:41,547 --> 00:18:43,813
Well, I got the skinny for you, Gail.

416
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:48,022
The dip you once knew is married.

417
00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:49,719
To your daughter!

418
00:18:49,788 --> 00:18:52,755
And there's not gonna be
any funny business between us

419
00:18:52,824 --> 00:18:54,924
'cause I haven't wanted to
see you naked for a long time,

420
00:18:55,026 --> 00:18:56,593
and dreams don't count, okay?

421
00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:58,828
You can't control those,
and I will not be held

422
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:01,864
responsible for... them, okay?

423
00:19:03,802 --> 00:19:05,768
And to think...

424
00:19:05,837 --> 00:19:07,804
I called you G Spot

425
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:12,675
when all along, I was
staring right at a b-hole.

426
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:15,738
You're such an idiot.

427
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,808
You two have fun.

428
00:19:19,253 --> 00:19:21,884
Well, uh, i-if that's
a threesome proposition,

429
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:25,050
I will never accept
without Carol's blessing!

430
00:19:25,347 --> 00:19:27,824
And I'm against you doing
a twosome with each other,

431
00:19:27,892 --> 00:19:29,592
just to be clear!

432
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:34,656
Sounds to me like you
misunderstood something.

433
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:36,561
She'll get over it, Carol.

434
00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:40,103
They always do.

435
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,617
Okay, so I've been
doing a lot of thinking,

436
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,987
and I've come to a decision.

437
00:20:00,357 --> 00:20:02,357
I want you to have a baby.

438
00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:05,662
What?

439
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:08,059
You are always gonna want to have kids,

440
00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:09,832
and I never will, so,

441
00:20:09,892 --> 00:20:13,770
if we're gonna get past this,
I'm going to have to compromise.

442
00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:16,642
I-I don't know what to say!

443
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:17,907
Well, it's a big decision,

444
00:20:17,976 --> 00:20:19,976
so there's a lot of
stuff for us to discuss.

445
00:20:20,045 --> 00:20:22,373
What's to discuss, hon? Let's do this!

446
00:20:22,398 --> 00:20:25,201
Whoa, whoa, easy there.
I'm not having a baby.

447
00:20:25,226 --> 00:20:26,882
- You... you just said that...
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

448
00:20:26,907 --> 00:20:28,828
This is your deal, okay?

449
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,788
I'm just gonna be the wife
of a guy who has a kid.

450
00:20:31,823 --> 00:20:34,791
I mean, like you said earlier,
I don't want to be the mom.

451
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:36,909
I just want to be the aunt.

452
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:39,511
Okay, well, I... I'm-I'm confused.

453
00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:41,064
I mean, there's a...

454
00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:44,293
serious biological
impediment here, you know?

455
00:20:44,888 --> 00:20:46,833
Not necessarily.

456
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,710
Thank you so much for
taking time out of your day.

457
00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:52,960
- Yeah.
- Um, the reason we are here is that we...

458
00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:54,986
Well, we have a question for you.

459
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,083
We have a question for you.

460
00:20:57,799 --> 00:21:01,799
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