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-- Addic7ed.com --

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Wow!
The Library of Congress!

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Centuries of knowledge
and progress under one rotunda!

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Special Agent Mark Branski,
Hot Streets business.

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We're here to destroy
all the knowledge and progress

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under this one rotunda.

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I don't know about this mission.

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Do we have to?

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Soo Park's orders.

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These are nursery rhymes, Branski!

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The innocent lullabies of the
young and sick, for God's sake!

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This is for God's sake.

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We're standing in the satanic
Library of Congress.

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- Gentlemen? Excuse me?
- What?!

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I just wanted to say thanks
for keeping it down.

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Sure, this is the satanic
Library of Congress,

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but rules exist for a reason.

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1x05 - Nursery Rhyme Land

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At least I saved you.

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Now, should I listen to Side A,
"Three Blind Mice,"

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or Side B, the satanic version,
"Hot Cross Buns"?

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Satanic or not, it's a terrific tune.

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What the ...

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I hope it doesn't see me!

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I hope it doesn't grab me!

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Aah!
It grabbed and saw me!

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If I were French, where would I be?

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He does love closets.

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Not here.
Case closed.

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He must be dead.
Let's go, Jen.

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I'm detecting some kind
of interdimensional energy.

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I think it has something
to do with nursery rhymes.

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That lead is as dead as French is.

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Nursery rhymes aren't real.

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Huh. Side A.

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? Three blind mice ?

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? Three blind mice ?

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Mark my words, by the time
this adventure is over,

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you'll see this isn't real.

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? They all ran after
the farmer's wife ?

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What is this place?

42
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- Some fake cartoon bullshit.
- Who are you?

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I am Flibflab,
the leader of the Oddlits.

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We reside here in Side A
of Nursery Rhyme Land.

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Ah, give me a break.

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Checks out, Uncle Mark.
I see he's got an anatomy.

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- Flibflab's real.
- Did you kill my friend?

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Where's my friend, you little
fake [bleep] Flibflab!

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To find your friend, Mr. Rabbit,

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you must see the three blind mice.

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Aah!

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Give me a real answer.
Also, I am not a rabbit.

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Mr. Rabbit, you must g...

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- Oh!
- Enough!

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Let's get the hell out of this
fictional place back to reality.

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Okay, I'm a bunny rabbit now.

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I like carrots,
and all this is real.

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Let's follow Flibflab the Oddlit
to the three blind mice

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to find French in this whimsical,

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magical kingdom of nursery rhymes.
That's right, this is real.

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- More real than that other s...
- Wait, are you okay?

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Never been better.
Jen, this is my true form.

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I know this now.
This is the real world.

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Check me out, Chubbie.
I look great!

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Oh, yeah!

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Your friend is being held captive

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by the King of Hot
Cross Buns and his pet.

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The only way to free him
is to collect the three tools

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to defeat what's holding him in
the evil B Side of our world.

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Jen, Chubbie,
it's up to us to save French.

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Lay it on us,
you cute blind bastards.

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Travel to the Eagle Lord,
complete his impossible riddle

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to gain the first Tool of Defeat,
the Shield of Knowledge.

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If an Oddlit can float at a pace
of 6 miles per hour,

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running at the same rate,

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how many miles can the Oddlit
float in 90 minutes?

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Is the answer "A," four miles,
"B," six miles,

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- or "C," nine miles?
- "C".

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Correct.
Say, is that a cheating device?

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- Because if it is, I'd be forced to ...
- No, it's part of my hand.

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Oh. Then you have earned, 100%,
the Shield of Knowledge.

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Oh, my God,
your [bleep] hand fell off!

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Travel to the Candlestick
Battlefield Memorial

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and collect your next
Tool of Defeat,

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the head of Laser Eye Lucinda.

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A woe for the one
you think a foe.

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I, Laser Eye Lucinda, a life lived

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never to gaze upon a man
without causing dismay.

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My laser eyes ask them to stay.

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But frozen in time as Lucinda, I ...

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And that's that.

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The final test is the easiest of all.

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You must gain the final Tool
of Defeat from the Teacup Saint.

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Espiritus santo,
Chubbie Webbers.

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To win the crown, pick the child
whose song is most keen.

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The other one will meet
my guillotine.

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Oh, no!

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? Pretty doggie,
don't kill me ?

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? I love life
and dreaming dreams ?

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? I am a girl
of only 3 years old ?

101
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? Dying's very scary,
and my little name is Mary ?

102
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Now don the Crown of Shame.
You've certainly earned it.

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You've successfully acquired
the tools you need ...

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the Shield of Knowledge,
the Lasers of Lucinda,

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and, of course, the final tool,

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the tool of Moral Decency,
as you, Chubbie,

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surely did not murder a child

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and did not receive
the dreaded Crown of Shame.

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Because, of course,
a decorated crown

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would be of no use in battle.

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Psst, Chubbie, you murdered a kid?

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At dawn, you shall enter the gate

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into the satanic Side B of our land,

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and it is there where the king resides

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and your friend French lays captive.
But tonight, we rest!

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Jen, would you like to rest
with the three blind mice?

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- No.
- Very well.

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That's when
the Hot Cross Buns King

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snatched my little baby
from his tree,

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and I haven't seen him since.

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They say the king turns our
young into buns and eats them!

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Flibflab, you truly are
the bravest Oddlit

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this side of the Great Goat Moat.

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- I don't know, Uncle Mark.
- It's Uncle Rabbit now.

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I don't know, Uncle Rabbit.

126
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I've heard of "Three Blind Mice,"
but these other nursery rhymes?

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I've never heard of them.
They're not ...

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- They're not what, Jen?
- Real?

129
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You see these ears?

130
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See my beautiful cotton tail?
Now tell me what's real?

131
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Why did doggie kill me?

132
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Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

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Bet you think that's all in your
head, Chubbie Webbers, but it isn't.

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Why?

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I can see her, too,
because that ghost is real.

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It's all real here.
You really killed that kid.

137
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You're a monster, Chubbie.
Now, let's get some sleep.

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In the morning,
we fight for our friend.

139
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Oh, no.
You want another sexy dance?

140
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You want it, kitty?
You can't have it.

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- Ha ha!
- Ha ha!

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Ha ha!

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Aah, aah, aah!
Take that!

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Now that you're dead,
you'll never have it.

145
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And it was good.

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It's me ... Branski.
I'm a bunny rabbit now.

147
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Chubbie killed a kid.
We're here to save you.

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Ahh.
I like you better this way.

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My fur is gorgeous.

150
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It is I,
the King of Hot Cross Buns!

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When French opened the portal,

152
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my pet took him as her plaything.
For that, I do apologize.

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Listen, I'm a reasonable guy.
I just like to eat buns.

154
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Here's the doorway
to your home.

155
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Let's part ways
and forget this ever happened.

156
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It's my fault for opening
the Side B portal

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- to Nursery Rhyme Land.
- Let's get back to reality.

158
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On behalf of all of us,
we're not going anywhere.

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- Aww.
- Ohh.

160
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This is the real world.

161
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More importantly, this is my world.
These are my people.

162
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We cannot stand by as
Nursery Rhyme Land is taken over

163
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by the evil King of Hot Cross Buns.

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We will travel the Blood Road
up to his castle

165
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and free these lands
as it has been foretold.

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Damn it!

167
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I can't believe we're doing this.

168
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None of this is real!

169
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I bet that shit feels real on you.

170
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- It's warm.
- See?

171
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Now, let's go follow
the Blood Red Road.

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Bleh!

173
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Bleh!

174
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Bleh!

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Wait a second. I don't know
why, but I look like you.

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The resemblance is uncanny.

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- Mm, hot cross buns, mm.
- Hands off those buns, King!

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I know, I know,
here to slay the evil king.

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Sure, I like eating my buns
made out of Oddlits,

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but, I mean, Chubbie Webbers
killed a child!

181
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Hell, Jen, you don't even
think this is real.

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- I don't!
- Exactly.

183
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I'm just trying to illuminate
the logic for you g...

184
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As I always say, and that's that.

185
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The three blind mice thank you

186
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for releasing this land from the king.

187
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Also, by the way,
we found the crown.

188
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We know Chubbie killed a kid.

189
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But we'll let that slide.

190
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Whew!

191
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Travel in peace, young heroes.

192
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Aww.
Can I keep him?

193
00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:56,560
I'm calling him Fronch.

194
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,330
Let's go to your new home, Fronch.

195
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,930
There's so much
I want to show you.

196
00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:05,504
- Uncle Mark!
- Uncle Rabbit. And I'm staying.

197
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,970
I know this seems real to you,
but let's go home.

198
00:10:08,005 --> 00:10:10,240
This is my home now,
where things are real.

199
00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:13,040
Someone's gonna have to start
a Hot Streets branch

200
00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:16,579
in Nursery Rhyme Land and ...
I see. Go ahead.

201
00:10:16,614 --> 00:10:18,020
Break it.
It won't change anything.

202
00:10:18,055 --> 00:10:19,484
I know what's real.

203
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:23,259
See, this is real.
I was right from the beginning.

204
00:10:23,260 --> 00:10:25,820
Nursery Rhyme Land was all fake.
Fake place.

205
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,990
Finally, back to reality.
Told you so.

206
00:10:30,935 --> 00:10:33,160
Chubbie, why?!

207
00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:34,234
Waa, waa, waa!

208
00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:40,204
It's called gravy, Fronch.
It's delicious.

209
00:10:40,205 --> 00:10:43,780
Hey, Branski!
He really loves my gravy!

210
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:45,914
Look at him go.

211
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,315
He's wacky!

212
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:56,149
-- Addic7ed.com --