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Wow! The Library of Congress!
Centuries of knowledge and progress under one rotunda!
Special Agent Mark Branski, Hot Streets business.
We're here to destroy all the knowledge and progress
under this one rotunda.
I don't know about this mission.
Do we have to?
Soo Park's orders.
These are nursery rhymes, Branski!
The innocent lullabies of the young and sick, for God's sake!
This is for God's sake.
We're standing in the satanic Library of Congress.
- Gentlemen? Excuse me? - What?!
I just wanted to say thanks for keeping it down.
Sure, this is the satanic Library of Congress,
but rules exist for a reason.
1x05 - Nursery Rhyme Land
At least I saved you.
Now, should I listen to Side A, "Three Blind Mice,"
or Side B, the satanic version, "Hot Cross Buns"?
Satanic or not, it's a terrific tune.
What the ...
I hope it doesn't see me!
I hope it doesn't grab me!
Aah! It grabbed and saw me!
If I were French, where would I be?
He does love closets.
Not here. Case closed.
He must be dead. Let's go, Jen.
I'm detecting some kind of interdimensional energy.
I think it has something to do with nursery rhymes.
That lead is as dead as French is.
Nursery rhymes aren't real.
Huh. Side A.
? Three blind mice ?
Mark my words, by the time this adventure is over,
you'll see this isn't real.
? They all ran after the farmer's wife ?
What is this place?
- Some fake cartoon bullshit. - Who are you?
I am Flibflab, the leader of the Oddlits.
We reside here in Side A of Nursery Rhyme Land.
Ah, give me a break.
Checks out, Uncle Mark. I see he's got an anatomy.
- Flibflab's real. - Did you kill my friend?
Where's my friend, you little fake [bleep] Flibflab!
To find your friend, Mr. Rabbit,
you must see the three blind mice.
Aah!
Give me a real answer. Also, I am not a rabbit.
Mr. Rabbit, you must g...
- Oh! - Enough!
Let's get the hell out of this fictional place back to reality.
Okay, I'm a bunny rabbit now.
I like carrots, and all this is real.
Let's follow Flibflab the Oddlit to the three blind mice
to find French in this whimsical,
magical kingdom of nursery rhymes. That's right, this is real.
- More real than that other s... - Wait, are you okay?
Never been better. Jen, this is my true form.
I know this now. This is the real world.
Check me out, Chubbie. I look great!
Oh, yeah!
Your friend is being held captive
by the King of Hot Cross Buns and his pet.
The only way to free him is to collect the three tools
to defeat what's holding him in the evil B Side of our world.
Jen, Chubbie, it's up to us to save French.
Lay it on us, you cute blind bastards.
Travel to the Eagle Lord, complete his impossible riddle
to gain the first Tool of Defeat, the Shield of Knowledge.
If an Oddlit can float at a pace of 6 miles per hour,
running at the same rate,
how many miles can the Oddlit float in 90 minutes?
Is the answer "A," four miles, "B," six miles,
- or "C," nine miles? - "C".
Correct. Say, is that a cheating device?
- Because if it is, I'd be forced to ... - No, it's part of my hand.
Oh. Then you have earned, 100%, the Shield of Knowledge.
Oh, my God, your [bleep] hand fell off!
Travel to the Candlestick Battlefield Memorial
and collect your next Tool of Defeat,
the head of Laser Eye Lucinda.
A woe for the one you think a foe.
I, Laser Eye Lucinda, a life lived
never to gaze upon a man without causing dismay.
My laser eyes ask them to stay.
But frozen in time as Lucinda, I ...
And that's that.
The final test is the easiest of all.
You must gain the final Tool of Defeat from the Teacup Saint.
Espiritus santo, Chubbie Webbers.
To win the crown, pick the child whose song is most keen.
The other one will meet my guillotine.
Oh, no!
? Pretty doggie, don't kill me ?
? I love life and dreaming dreams ?
? I am a girl of only 3 years old ?
? Dying's very scary, and my little name is Mary ?
Now don the Crown of Shame. You've certainly earned it.
You've successfully acquired the tools you need ...
the Shield of Knowledge, the Lasers of Lucinda,
and, of course, the final tool,
the tool of Moral Decency, as you, Chubbie,
surely did not murder a child
and did not receive the dreaded Crown of Shame.
Because, of course, a decorated crown
would be of no use in battle.
Psst, Chubbie, you murdered a kid?
At dawn, you shall enter the gate
into the satanic Side B of our land,
and it is there where the king resides
and your friend French lays captive. But tonight, we rest!
Jen, would you like to rest with the three blind mice?
- No. - Very well.
That's when the Hot Cross Buns King
snatched my little baby from his tree,
and I haven't seen him since.
They say the king turns our young into buns and eats them!
Flibflab, you truly are the bravest Oddlit
this side of the Great Goat Moat.
- I don't know, Uncle Mark. - It's Uncle Rabbit now.
I don't know, Uncle Rabbit.
I've heard of "Three Blind Mice," but these other nursery rhymes?
I've never heard of them. They're not ...
- They're not what, Jen? - Real?
You see these ears?
See my beautiful cotton tail? Now tell me what's real?
Why did doggie kill me?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Bet you think that's all in your head, Chubbie Webbers, but it isn't.
Why?
I can see her, too, because that ghost is real.
It's all real here. You really killed that kid.
You're a monster, Chubbie. Now, let's get some sleep.
In the morning, we fight for our friend.
Oh, no. You want another sexy dance?
You want it, kitty? You can't have it.
- Ha ha! - Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Aah, aah, aah! Take that!
Now that you're dead, you'll never have it.
And it was good.
It's me ... Branski. I'm a bunny rabbit now.
Chubbie killed a kid. We're here to save you.
Ahh. I like you better this way.
My fur is gorgeous.
It is I, the King of Hot Cross Buns!
When French opened the portal,
my pet took him as her plaything. For that, I do apologize.
Listen, I'm a reasonable guy. I just like to eat buns.
Here's the doorway to your home.
Let's part ways and forget this ever happened.
It's my fault for opening the Side B portal
- to Nursery Rhyme Land. - Let's get back to reality.
On behalf of all of us, we're not going anywhere.
- Aww. - Ohh.
This is the real world.
More importantly, this is my world. These are my people.
We cannot stand by as Nursery Rhyme Land is taken over
by the evil King of Hot Cross Buns.
We will travel the Blood Road up to his castle
and free these lands as it has been foretold.
Damn it!
I can't believe we're doing this.
None of this is real!
I bet that shit feels real on you.
- It's warm. - See?
Now, let's go follow the Blood Red Road.
Bleh!
Wait a second. I don't know why, but I look like you.
The resemblance is uncanny.
- Mm, hot cross buns, mm. - Hands off those buns, King!
I know, I know, here to slay the evil king.
Sure, I like eating my buns made out of Oddlits,
but, I mean, Chubbie Webbers killed a child!
Hell, Jen, you don't even think this is real.
- I don't! - Exactly.
I'm just trying to illuminate the logic for you g...
As I always say, and that's that.
The three blind mice thank you
for releasing this land from the king.
Also, by the way, we found the crown.
We know Chubbie killed a kid.
But we'll let that slide.
Whew!
Travel in peace, young heroes.
Aww. Can I keep him?
I'm calling him Fronch.
Let's go to your new home, Fronch.
There's so much I want to show you.
- Uncle Mark! - Uncle Rabbit. And I'm staying.
I know this seems real to you, but let's go home.
This is my home now, where things are real.
Someone's gonna have to start a Hot Streets branch
in Nursery Rhyme Land and ... I see. Go ahead.
Break it. It won't change anything.
I know what's real.
See, this is real. I was right from the beginning.
Nursery Rhyme Land was all fake. Fake place.
Finally, back to reality. Told you so.
Chubbie, why?!
Waa, waa, waa!
It's called gravy, Fronch. It's delicious.
Hey, Branski! He really loves my gravy!
Look at him go.
He's wacky!
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