Okay, we're moving on to item
- 129 A, Part 3. - 129 A, or are we doing B first?
We're going A. Okay.
You know, I feel like because we had a little bit of
- a hard time discussing 128 F... - Yep, we did.
Let's just discuss...
- So we can table that? Why don't we just... - The protocol for discussing...
- Okay. Cool. - 128.
We'll discuss what we'll do. we'll table that.
- We'll discuss how we discuss that. - _
_
I'll marry your ex-wife,
and then I'll divorce her,
- and make you pay for the alimony. - _
Do you understand how mad I am at you right now?
Don't ever clean my house poorly again.
_
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
God.
Nothing feels as good as an empty inbox.
Really? Have you ever had sex?
Because emptying your email inbox
actually does feel better than that.
What are you doing this weekend?
Well, I'm going on a hike
with some old college buddies on Saturday.
Then I have a Groupon for this gourmet grilled cheese place.
I have another Groupon to get an oil change.
Brunch with my stepsister, uh, I have a Groupon for that.
And, oh,
I need to get a haircut at some point.
Basically, I'm trying to cram my entire life into 48 hours,
and I won't enjoy a second of it.
What about you?
Oh, I'm gonna lie in bed depressed all weekend.
I've been looking forward to it all week.
Oh, I got Peddles a new cardboard box.
She's gonna love it so [bleep] much.
She's gonna be so [bleep] cute.
I'll hardly be able to [bleep] stand it.
I don't like the way you talk about cats.
So...
you dips coming to my house party Saturday night,
or what? I saw that you both opened,
yet did not RSVP, to my Paperless Post,
which is a real dick move.
Your only response options were, "No, I hate fun,"
or "Hells to the yeah."
I'm an eternal maybe.
I want the option to back out of a party up until the moment
I walk through the front door.
Matt, you have to come.
I'm setting you up with my friend Daphne.
She already photo-approved you.
She said you look just like her ex-boyfriend,
but with worse hair.
Really? That's sort of encouraging.
Jake, I thought about setting you up,
but then I remembered, I actually like my friends.
Oh. I totally get that.
Any plans for the weekend, Kate?
If you're not too busy, maybe we could...
I have a lot of work to catch up on this weekend.
I'll be lucky if I make my Spinlates class.
Well, don't work too hard.
You know, my therapist says that the weekends
are supposed to be for relaxation.
That's why he can never see me on Saturday.
Jake! Matt!
- So glad I caught you two. - See you Monday!
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Okay, take care, Kate. Have a good one, Grace.
Will you two agree to do a favor for me?
- Oh, um, well, you know, we... - Matt and I have
very expensive plans that can't be changed or refunded.
No, no, no, no. Come on, guys, of course not.
I would never disrupt your Friday night.
I need your help on Saturday.
I got a new antique-style grandfather clock,
and I need some assistance in moving it.
Okay.
Great, it should really only take a couple of hours.
I just emailed you my private address.
Don't share it.
And I'll see you guys tomorrow!
Wear your dungarees!
What the hell are dungarees?
This is going to ruin my next 24 hours.
Fu**!
Aw, Pebbles.
Fu**!
I always wondered what kind of freaks lived in
the apartments above outdoor malls,
and now I know. John.
Oh, look. They have a sale on lotion
at the Bath And Body sweatshop factory.
Oh, we gotta get a pretzel before we go.
They have this new pretzel
that's just a pile of butter and salt,
and there's no pretzel.
But it's the most delicious pretzel I've ever had.
Where's the music coming from?
The rocks.
Let's get this over with.
I'd rather talk to someone about
the meaning of their tattoo than do this right now.
Hey, guys!
Come on in!
Take your shoes off. Relax.
No, seriously.
Remove your shoes and put them in
the designated cubbies, please.
This place is probably really aspirational for you guys,
but if you work hard enough, one day,
you too could have a luxury pre-9/11 style
condominium with optional, built-in shelving.
- Is that the clock? - Yep, that's the one.
But, uh, before we get to that,
I would love to give you two the tour.
- Oh... - No.
This is the bedroom.
Pretty standard. Uh, I like to kind of peek out
the windows and spy on my neighbors here a little bit.
This controls the temperature in the room for the most part.
I'm sure you guys are familiar with that technology.
Where's the bed?
Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
And this is my bird room.
Hi.
Yes.
I missed you, too.
Matt, please don't do that.
You'll confuse them.
And here is the reason you're here.
Isn't she a beaut?
Wait, it's a... it's a grandfather clock
so he's a beaut. You know what, guys,
let's not gender the clock.
Okay? It's a beaut.
So where are we moving this genderless beaut?
On three... one, two, lift.
Good.
Lift with your knees, Matt.
With your knees.
Lift with your knees, please.
Please don't scratch the leather.
That is real.
Okay. Thread that needle.
Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup,
and yup.
If you guys wanna get out of the way for a second.
Ooh!
I don't know, it's a...
Slide back in for one second.
I just wanna... here.
Is that it?
I'm watching TV.
What time is it? I'm not wearing my watch.
Oh, it's 3:30.
Uh, you know what,
it's pretty helpful to see it in context.
Do, like, you're just...
it's, like, a dinner party, and you're a little tired,
and you're a vegetarian. You guys are just chatting.
It's nice being here at this dinner party,
but I guess I'm just a little tired.
I can't eat any of the meat stuff.
Mmm. So you guys came over
to watch the game.
Your team won, your team lost,
but it's just sort of something to talk about.
Well, it's great news that my team won the game.
Well, my team lost so I'm mad.
Uh, I'm on the fence.
Man, I'm pissed my team lost!
So you're at a breakfast party,
and you both want the last biscuit.
Oh, I thought that I... did you want it?
I mean, I've had a couple, but I thought...
I haven't had any biscuits thus far.
You've been waiting up all night for him to come home.
It's 2:00 a.m. and you smell like perfume.
What the hell?
I got it!
Okay, lift on three.
One, two, lift.
Yup, come on this way.
Jake, with your knees, buddy.
Turn it, turn it, turn it.
Keep going... please be careful, Matt, for God's sake.
Yeah.
Perfect.
Sometimes, you gotta go all the way around the world
to realize that home...
Is the only place you wanna be.
I got a splinter.
- Thank you guys so much. - Ow!
- I really appreciate it. - God.
Thank you for helping me out. As a thank you,
you have to let me take you to dinner.
Oh, that's really nice of you to offer,
but I'm not really much of an eater.
Yeah, I just don't eat. Don't eat.
Okay, I am taking you guys to dinner
and I will not take no for an answer.
Plus, you gotta get
your parking validated.
Not cheap.
I'll grab your shoes from the cubbies.
_
Fu**!
By the way, this restaurant
is owned by Hampton DeVille,
so if you guys brought your employee IDs,
we'll get some free apps.
All righty. Here we go!
Don't sue me.
Hey, Katherine!
I'll be right back to get your order.
Giddy up!
Giddy up.
Isn't this place fun, you guys?
It's depressing
that all these employees have to work on the weekend.
We're working right now. At least they're getting paid.
This place looks like somebody held a gun to it and said,
"Have fun or else."
I can't believe these people haven't killed themselves yet.
Their will to live is astounding.
Everyone in here looks like
they just went through a divorce.
Oh, my God! Look.
It's Kate, and a sexy, male companion friend.
Hey!
Fu**!
Matt, Jake, John.
Why are you all here together?
Are you working on the Jenson project without me?
No, no, no, no. Jake and Matt offered to help me
move my grandfather clock,
and then we just kind of mutually decided
to go to dinner together.
Kate, who's your companion?
Oh, uh, um,
that's Sonnet.
- Hi, I'm Sonnet! - Sonnet, shh!
Well, golly.
Looks like you partners all know each other.
What do you say we hitch these wagon wheels together?
Well, Sonnet, I'm honored to meet the man in Kate's life.
You must be a very special person.
Oh! No.
She ordered me through Summen.
It's an online companion service for executive ladies who just...
Sonnet! Shh! Shh!
Shh.
- We met at church. - Oh!
Okay. No appetizers.
No desserts. Just entrees.
And maybe I'll still have time to get a haircut before
we go to Grace's party.
You folks ready to order?
Slow down there, Sheriff.
I think we need at least 15 minutes to figure out
our appetizer strategy, but in the meantime,
let's do a jug of milk for the table.
Absolutely.
A little on the warmer side, too, please.
Hot milk.
- Mm-mmm! - This is pure protein goodness.
- Isn't this place great, Kate? - No.
And the fact that you suggested it
is gonna deduct two stars from your rating.
The best you can do now is a three.
Oh, man. Not my rating.
Who wants to make it better with cheddar?
Yeah, I'll do that.
Isn't your dinner cheesy enough?
I'm sorry you have to do this.
Spur my side, cowboy!
It's my pleasure.
You don't have to talk like that for our sake.
Yes, I do.
They make us wear body cams.
Everything's better with a little more cheddar!
You can tell this is
a Hampton DeVille restaurant because all the waiters act like
they're in a hostage situation.
Mmm!
Best part about this restaurant?
- Mm-hmm? - Unlimited milk refills.
John, I think milk is supposed to be for kids.
Milk boy!
Jesus Christ.
Look at this poor [bleep].
Slow down, partner.
This is your fourth refill.
Is it just me, or is the milk boy
a little mouthy tonight?
I know my limits, pal. Thanks.
We need to leave. How are we still here?
Because both of us have an underlying cowardice
that guides every decision of our lives.
- Oh. Yeah. - Great news, everybody!
All you partners just consumed more than 3,000 calories!
Why would you tell us that?
It's part of an FDA settlement.
Whoa-oh!
That cow only moves when there's a birthday in the barn!
Oh, no, there must be some mistake...
It's my birthday!
Hell yeah! Birthday! I love it!
Whoop!
Well, thank you, Sheriff.
Oh, that's why John is acting so weird.
It's his birthday.
Watch.
? When the moon rises high ?
? Way up there in the sky ?
? It's your birthday! ?
- ? It's your birthday! ? - ? It's your birthday! ?
? It's your birthday! ?
? When the cows start to prance ?
? And the horses start to dance ?
- ? It's your birthday! ? - ? It's your birthday! ?
? Help yourself to a platter ?
? Because nothing you do matters ?
- ? It's your birthday! ? - ? It's your birthday! ?
? You're haunted by regrets ?
? Whatcha doing with your life? ?
- ? It's your birthday! ? - ? It's your birthday! ?
? Another year gone by ?
? And you managed not to die ?
? It's your birthday! ?
? So have a glass of milk! ?
He got milked!
? It's your birthday! ?
Whoo! Hoo-hoo!
Whoop!
Make room, make room.
You wanna move that? Sorry. Yup. Thanks, Sonnet.
How great was that song, by the way?
It's so beautiful, yet so frantic.
John, happy birthday. This is crazy.
Oh. It's not actually my birthday. Don't be silly.
The Texas sized banana split boat is my favorite thing,
and that's the only way to get it.
I do this all the time.
Wait, so they know it's not your birthday?
Mm-hmm! But they have to do it if someone asks.
It's company policy.
Jesus Christ.
Get in there!
- Mm, mm, bananas. - Oh, yeah.
Whoa, hold up, hold up.
Okay.
I went to [bleep] Julliard.
So, what do you say we keep this party going?
There is an awesome bar right next to the Sephora.
No, thanks. I think we're just gonna
- call it an early night. - Oh.
Oh, my God, I used to work at Sephora.
So you two are definitely coming.
And I know...
We have to get to Grace's party before Daphne leaves.
Let's just say thanks and good night
and obviously do not mention Grace's party.
Got it. I'll make up an excuse.
- I did improv in college. - Stop bringing that up.
- You guys in? - Yeah, we would love to come,
it's just that we have to get going to...
Um... uh...
Uh... Think of something.
What could I be going to? A party.
Oh, Grace's party! No, don't say Grace's party.
Use your brain to think of something... Grace's party.
No, not that. Grace's party.
Grace's party.
[Bleep]. I mean, hi.
Mm-hmm. Yum-yum.
There she is.
Good. Food is up!
So, everyone dig in, okay,
before the cheese congeals.
Why the [bleep] would you bring John and Kate to my house?
Did you find out about that thing I did to you
and now you're getting revenge?
This is totally Matt's fault.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go have a terrible time.
I am so, so sorry.
Anyway, is Daphne still here?
Yes.
You should go talk to her.
But...
Mm.
Yeah, well, I don't know it that's... okay.
Okay, never mind, your hair just sucks.
Just please be normal.
Got it.
- Please. - Hiya, Grace.
Listen, I hope you don't feel awkward
about not inviting me to your party.
- I don't. - Seriously, I... I get it.
Office John would not be a lot of fun at a party.
But this... is weekend John.
Would weekend John like a drink?
Yes, please, I will take a milk.
I curate an emerging artists series,
which is basically a fancy way of saying
"garbage my arty friends make."
But...
What about you? I know you work at Hampton-DeVille.
Yeah, I'm a junior executive in training,
which is just a fancy way of saying
that I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
Come on.
I bet it's more interesting than
you're giving yourself credit for.
Walk me through your day, like, step by step.
Okay...
I get to work at, like, 9:00.
And from 9:00 to 11:00, I answer emails.
And then I go to a meeting,
where... I talk about emails.
And then I have lunch,
where I typically eat at my desk and answer emails.
Emails.
Emails. Emails.
Your entire life is answering emails.
BCC. Emails. CC. Answer the email!
Answer the emails. Answer it!
- Emails. - You're a little boy
inside of a man who answers emails
for a living. Answer the email!
I mean, there's all different types of emails,
and I, you know, put 'em in different boxes to organize 'em
- so that I can keep track... - Yeah.
The thing is, it's a good job for me.
- Right, yeah. - For me, right now,
it's a good job, and then at the end of the day...
- Mm-hmm. - I...
- answer emails. - Right.
That's quite a day.
Why are you wearing sweatpants?
I don't want to talk about it.
Oh, hey, Kate. How are you doing?
Well, I'm an adult executive
at what appears to be a college party.
Where's your date?
I fired him.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Don't be... I had a Groupon for him, anyways.
I'm actually out here hiding from John.
I've never seen a grown-up consume so much dairy.
He has the diet of a five-year-old with osteoporosis.
It's ridiculous.
- You want to hit this? - Kate, you smoke weed?
Oh, don't be so surprised.
It's the weekend.
And I'm a human being.
Aw, shit.
Well, I feel a little better.
It's slightly more tolerable to be at this party right now.
- And here's my bedroom. - Wow.
As you can see, there's nothing notable about it.
- Huh. - Okay, that's it, tour's over.
Wow. Great, concise tour, Grace.
I learned a lot.
You know, since we're getting to know each other
a bit out of the office, here's a little personal tidbit
about me: my second week at Yale,
my roommate hanged himself with my bed sheets.
And to this day, I do not sleep in a bed.
Wow, that's quite a tidbit.
Doug Feldman.
Do you know what I love about dancing?
- What? - It makes you feel like
you're experiencing something,
even though it's totally pointless.
Yeah, my body feels like it's having a good time
right now, even though I'm absolutely not.
Oh, no way!
Is this a virtual reality thingamajig?
Yeah, you should try it.
You can leave this party behind and enter a new reality.
I think we'd all like to see that.
Can you hold my milk?
Ooh. Oh, baby!
Whoa!
What?
Oh, my God, that's my arm.
Grace, is this my arm?
Think I'm gonna get a restraining order
against weekend John.
Get out of here. What is that, a bee?
Or like a bee...
That's like a full beehive or something like that.
How'd it go with Daphne?
Should have gotten that haircut.
Or developed a more dynamic personality
over the last 29 years.
Help me, please. I-I'm on a cliff right now.
G-Grace? Grace, I'm on a cliff!
Well, at least he didn't puke in my virtual reality headset.
Okay, party's over. Everyone out!
So, I actually had fun
not having fun with you at this party.
Yeah, me too.
Do you want to share an Uber?
Oh, no, thanks. I've got a ride.
Don't even tell me your name.
You, in the back. I'm driving.
How do I get that job?
This was a total waste of a Saturday.
I'm gonna have to really make up for this on Sunday.
Not a chance. Sundays are worthless.
Spend the entire day dreading Monday.
You'll be back at work before you even know...
What happened with John the other night?
He passed out, and I couldn't get him
out of my house till Sunday afternoon.
Now he wants to take me to some place called Milk Barn
for a thank-you dinner this weekend.
Oh, God, Grace, no.
Don't worry. I handled it.
If anybody asks, I'm doing Habitat for Humanity
every Saturday and Sunday until either John or I dies.
Hey, guys. Great weekend, huh?
Too bad it's Monday again.
Yeah, guess now that we're friends,
you can't boss us around anymore, huh?
Matt.
It seems like you think you're talking to weekend John.
But this is office John.
And he is not your [bleep] friend.
- Hey, Kate, how's it going? - Nothing has changed
- between us. - That's cool.
And it doesn't hurt my feelings.
_
? I love you Chuck ?
? I love you Rick ?
? I love you Daniel ?
? I'm feeling sick ?
? Sick with love ?
? From my fridge ?
Charles, I'm singing.
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com