1 00:00:00,273 --> 00:00:02,601 Previously on "Another Period"... 2 00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,741 You ordered a white heiress, right? 3 00:00:04,742 --> 00:00:05,806 Hello, little girl. 4 00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,571 Your sister's in quite a bit of trouble. 5 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,360 That's right, show daddy how pretty your dress is. 6 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:31,392 I can't believe they hacked Edison's server. 7 00:00:31,393 --> 00:00:33,432 What? Talbert, the butler? 8 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,035 Yeah, hacked him to pieces with an axe. 9 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,167 Step right up! 10 00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:38,420 A private film stolen 11 00:00:38,487 --> 00:00:42,557 from Edison Studios is now available for viewing! 12 00:00:42,624 --> 00:00:44,193 I can't wait to see it! 13 00:00:44,473 --> 00:00:46,999 I can't wait to ejaculate next to you in public. 14 00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:53,868 You've come for me! 15 00:00:53,935 --> 00:00:56,003 I knew sending daily press releases 16 00:00:56,070 --> 00:00:58,072 to every newspaper in town would eventually pay off. 17 00:00:58,140 --> 00:00:59,240 Beatrice! 18 00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:00,776 Beatrice, you're a slut. Smile. 19 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,010 - What? - Beatrice, now, 20 00:01:02,076 --> 00:01:03,811 are you a regular slut or a nasty slut? 21 00:01:03,877 --> 00:01:05,281 Excuse me, my name's Lillian. 22 00:01:05,346 --> 00:01:06,981 Yes, Beatrice, following up, I have a question: 23 00:01:07,049 --> 00:01:08,551 you're a whore. 24 00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:10,819 I'll rephrase it as a question: You're a whore? 25 00:01:10,885 --> 00:01:12,388 - I'm not a whore! - Beatrice, 26 00:01:12,454 --> 00:01:14,456 then why did you record the eroti-scope? 27 00:01:14,522 --> 00:01:15,232 What? 28 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,060 I feel scared and confused, so I'm gonna yell! 29 00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:21,996 - No, Beatrice! Beatrice! - Beatrice! 30 00:01:22,064 --> 00:01:23,198 My sister can't comment right now, 31 00:01:23,265 --> 00:01:24,832 but feel free to ask me anything. 32 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,201 Uh... 33 00:01:26,268 --> 00:01:28,436 - pack it up. - Nothing to see. 34 00:01:28,502 --> 00:01:29,320 Hello? 35 00:01:30,072 --> 00:01:31,114 I'm a whore too! 36 00:01:42,242 --> 00:01:45,375 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 37 00:01:54,129 --> 00:01:55,564 Beatrice, look on the bright side. 38 00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:57,533 This could be great for me. 39 00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:59,014 How is this great for anybody? 40 00:01:59,015 --> 00:02:01,535 Because, people are finally interested in the Bellacourts, 41 00:02:01,602 --> 00:02:03,871 so they'll be writing about the one with star quality. 42 00:02:03,939 --> 00:02:05,180 That's moi. 43 00:02:05,863 --> 00:02:08,767 Sisters. The gossip rags have arrived. 44 00:02:08,768 --> 00:02:13,013 Ooh! 45 00:02:13,081 --> 00:02:15,215 I made the cover! 46 00:02:15,283 --> 00:02:17,152 "Golden-haired Beatrice Bellacourt 47 00:02:17,772 --> 00:02:19,054 with... passerby." 48 00:02:19,477 --> 00:02:21,390 Passerby? 49 00:02:21,457 --> 00:02:22,258 Oh, no. 50 00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,850 They're not writing about me at all. 51 00:02:25,693 --> 00:02:27,101 Oh, this is so stupid! 52 00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:31,205 Why does everyone care about dumb, boring Beatrice having sex? 53 00:02:31,207 --> 00:02:32,835 People care about Beatrice 54 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,435 because she made a statement. 55 00:02:34,437 --> 00:02:37,340 But... she was also humiliated and a victim. 56 00:02:37,471 --> 00:02:40,208 She did it on purpose, but she was also tricked. 57 00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:42,644 This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 58 00:02:42,710 --> 00:02:44,045 No, this is the worst thing 59 00:02:44,112 --> 00:02:45,284 that's ever happened to me! 60 00:02:45,285 --> 00:02:46,915 Stop trying to make this all about you! 61 00:02:46,982 --> 00:02:48,268 But I'm the one in the film! 62 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,018 Don't rub it in! 63 00:03:13,308 --> 00:03:15,177 What are you looking at? 64 00:03:15,243 --> 00:03:17,279 Are those damn newspapermen still out there? 65 00:03:17,345 --> 00:03:18,845 No, we have new neighbors. 66 00:03:19,748 --> 00:03:22,517 Oh, God in heaven, they're Italian! 67 00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,838 Don't tell me those little Caesars are moving in next door. 68 00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:25,903 We're gonna have to move to France. 69 00:03:25,904 --> 00:03:29,353 Those olive gardeners are gonna drive down the value of this house. 70 00:03:29,355 --> 00:03:30,727 The sunlight is coming down 71 00:03:30,791 --> 00:03:32,260 on their black hair. It's blinding me! 72 00:03:32,327 --> 00:03:33,260 Oh, God. 73 00:03:33,327 --> 00:03:34,529 Gentlemen. 74 00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:36,196 A gift from your new neighbors. 75 00:03:36,263 --> 00:03:37,499 Olive oil? They might as well 76 00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,066 have sent us rat feces. 77 00:03:39,134 --> 00:03:41,432 They put it on their hair to make it shimmer. 78 00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:43,371 It's how they hypnotize you at the fair. 79 00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,674 Peepers, pour that down the toilet at once, 80 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:47,375 and then set fire to the toilet. 81 00:03:47,441 --> 00:03:50,244 And then dump the ashes on their yard to send a message. 82 00:03:50,311 --> 00:03:52,885 And then take a poop on that pile of ashes. 83 00:03:53,815 --> 00:03:54,917 Close the door, please. 84 00:03:54,983 --> 00:03:56,042 Don't... not with your hands. 85 00:03:56,043 --> 00:03:57,464 You've touched the olive oil. With your feet. 86 00:04:06,127 --> 00:04:08,429 Beatrice, what are you doing on the floor? 87 00:04:08,496 --> 00:04:10,496 That's what the servants eat off of. 88 00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:13,001 Mother, everyone's saying I'm a whore. 89 00:04:13,068 --> 00:04:15,370 That is because you are a whore, dear. 90 00:04:15,436 --> 00:04:16,972 It was not my fault. 91 00:04:17,037 --> 00:04:20,074 I was kidnapped and forced to have sex on camera. 92 00:04:20,141 --> 00:04:23,005 Nobody told you to get kidnapped! 93 00:04:23,466 --> 00:04:25,480 The only thing you can do now 94 00:04:25,547 --> 00:04:29,517 is make a public apology for your filthy behavior. 95 00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:31,819 No, please. Mother, that's so embarrassing. 96 00:04:31,886 --> 00:04:34,422 What's embarrassing is you, 97 00:04:34,489 --> 00:04:37,492 and your golden mane of temptation. 98 00:04:37,559 --> 00:04:39,094 Now, you go to your room 99 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,029 and stop looking at me like that. 100 00:04:41,095 --> 00:04:42,530 Like what? 101 00:04:42,597 --> 00:04:45,756 Like you're just begging to be kidnapped again. 102 00:04:50,286 --> 00:04:53,174 - Oh, work that head knot. - Oh, that's it. 103 00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:54,176 - Ooh! - Oh, my God. 104 00:04:54,242 --> 00:04:56,510 Ooh, top of the morning to ya, 105 00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:58,780 men and massage mavens. Just so you know, 106 00:04:58,847 --> 00:05:01,016 we're looking into the hack at Edison Studios. 107 00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,184 Right! Now, we think this is part 108 00:05:03,251 --> 00:05:05,886 of a much larger crime wave here in Newport. 109 00:05:05,953 --> 00:05:08,590 What... Stop that, right now. 110 00:05:08,657 --> 00:05:10,358 - A crime wave in Newport? - Aye. 111 00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:14,095 Not sure if you're aware of it, but you got some new neighbors. 112 00:05:14,162 --> 00:05:15,931 Not sure what they want to call themselves, 113 00:05:15,932 --> 00:05:18,933 but we've been calling 'em "dark-eyed sardine slingers." 114 00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:20,368 I thought a good one 115 00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:21,975 was "Arabian whites." 116 00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:23,905 Cannoli fingerers! 117 00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:24,720 Catholics! 118 00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:26,340 - Hey, hey! - Whoa, hey! 119 00:05:26,408 --> 00:05:28,443 You'll have to go to confession for that! 120 00:05:28,509 --> 00:05:28,808 Sorry. 121 00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,933 Nothing wrong with foldin' in the Mother Mary! 122 00:05:30,934 --> 00:05:32,064 Oh, Lord in heaven... 123 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,753 now, how can we protect ourselves? 124 00:05:33,754 --> 00:05:35,760 Well, the police are hiring people every day 125 00:05:35,761 --> 00:05:37,951 to deal with the crisis, so let me know 126 00:05:38,018 --> 00:05:39,187 if you know anyone interested. 127 00:05:40,722 --> 00:05:43,125 I have always dreamed of putting on a uniform 128 00:05:43,191 --> 00:05:46,595 - and then dominating strangers. - Plus, I am so bored. 129 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,530 I haven't left the house in six years. 130 00:05:49,896 --> 00:05:51,498 - We'd like to join up. - Yes. 131 00:05:51,566 --> 00:05:53,602 Oh. You look good enough. 132 00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:56,905 - I dub thee police! - Oh! 133 00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:59,101 Wait, that's it? There's no training or anything? 134 00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:03,177 Well, department had some cutbacks, so training was the first thing to go. 135 00:06:03,244 --> 00:06:04,912 And training to be a cop's 136 00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:06,713 a bit like training for brain surgery: 137 00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,108 you don't need much of it. 138 00:06:08,109 --> 00:06:10,518 Just get in there and start crackin' open skulls. 139 00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:12,534 And hey! 140 00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:14,734 Don't forget to have fun out there. 141 00:06:14,735 --> 00:06:17,358 Oh, let's get started, shall we? 142 00:06:18,727 --> 00:06:20,061 - Oh, no! - How about you? 143 00:06:20,128 --> 00:06:21,763 I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding! 144 00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:30,754 This is all. Your. Fault! 145 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:33,388 First, you got us caught in that riverboat propeller, 146 00:06:33,389 --> 00:06:34,696 and now this. 147 00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:38,045 Everyone says you're so blonde and beautiful, 148 00:06:38,112 --> 00:06:39,522 but I know the truth. 149 00:06:40,148 --> 00:06:42,047 You're evil. 150 00:06:42,449 --> 00:06:46,266 And without you, it's gonna be so much easier to hold up my head! 151 00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:06,022 I don't care what the papers are saying. 152 00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:07,710 I'm supposed to be the famous one! 153 00:07:07,712 --> 00:07:09,989 I am not going to take this lying down. 154 00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:12,531 Oh. Or maybe I will. 155 00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,404 Deadline, deadline, deadline. 156 00:07:14,405 --> 00:07:15,806 - Deadline, deadline, deadline! - Look at this. 157 00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:17,508 These serial numbers do not match. 158 00:07:17,576 --> 00:07:19,912 - Excuse me! - Check your files, twice. 159 00:07:19,977 --> 00:07:21,458 I read your article 160 00:07:21,459 --> 00:07:25,116 about Beatrice Bellacourt. And I'll have you know, 161 00:07:25,184 --> 00:07:26,619 you're barking up the wrong tree. 162 00:07:26,686 --> 00:07:28,721 It's her sister you wanna be writing about. 163 00:07:28,787 --> 00:07:31,157 - Thank you for your help. - Hortense Bellacourt? 164 00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:32,758 We write about her often. 165 00:07:32,825 --> 00:07:35,160 No, no, her other sister. Her name's Lillian Bellacourt. 166 00:07:35,227 --> 00:07:37,029 - Who? - Lillian Bellacourt. 167 00:07:37,095 --> 00:07:38,463 Okay. 168 00:07:38,530 --> 00:07:40,465 She's the type of person the public would love to hate, 169 00:07:40,532 --> 00:07:42,318 and then just love. 170 00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:44,738 I've never heard of her. Now, is she a whore, like her sister? 171 00:07:44,739 --> 00:07:45,731 That's what people wanna read about. 172 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:46,729 Oh, yes, definitely. 173 00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,740 She's a huge whore. Big, big whore. 174 00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:50,775 Much bigger whore than Beatrice Bellacourt. 175 00:07:50,842 --> 00:07:52,811 In fact, I have on good word 176 00:07:52,878 --> 00:07:55,648 that Lillian Bellacourt was recently put in the hospital 177 00:07:55,713 --> 00:08:00,851 because... her stomach was so full of... you-know-what. 178 00:08:02,435 --> 00:08:04,590 - They had to pump it. - Yes, I know, I'm sure. 179 00:08:04,657 --> 00:08:07,893 We've heard this before, madam. It was Susan B. Anthony, 180 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,361 wasn't it? And who before? 181 00:08:09,427 --> 00:08:11,029 I believe it was Sojourner Truth? 182 00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:12,997 - Sojourner Truth! - And then, 183 00:08:13,064 --> 00:08:14,848 before that, Martha Washington. 184 00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:16,167 - Martha Washington. - Please, 185 00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:17,669 you have to listen to me. 186 00:08:17,736 --> 00:08:19,571 Ma'am, we are the media. We deliver facts. 187 00:08:19,638 --> 00:08:22,241 Please be gone. Your rumors are not needed here. 188 00:08:22,307 --> 00:08:23,853 Well, this time it's true! 189 00:08:23,855 --> 00:08:25,797 Unless you can do a surgery in public 190 00:08:25,798 --> 00:08:27,078 - that proves this is true... - Oh! 191 00:08:27,145 --> 00:08:28,413 - We're not interested. - There is! 192 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,348 There's a public surgery. 193 00:08:30,415 --> 00:08:31,684 Live surgery! 194 00:08:31,750 --> 00:08:33,953 She's going to get her stomach pumped. 195 00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:37,415 - A live surgery? - Yes, a live surgery. 196 00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:41,601 Bellacourt Manor, live surgery, stomach-pumping male ejaculate. 197 00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,194 We're gonna measure those pints. 198 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:46,372 Thank you so much. If there is a live surgery, we will be there. 199 00:08:46,374 --> 00:08:47,467 All right, well, tata. 200 00:08:47,531 --> 00:08:48,800 Thank you for the tip, Lillian. 201 00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,001 - Thank you so much. - Oh, I'm not Lillian. 202 00:08:50,068 --> 00:08:51,502 I'm just a concerned citizen. 203 00:08:51,569 --> 00:08:52,737 - Right, okay. - Oh, yes, of course. 204 00:08:52,804 --> 00:08:53,838 - Concerned... - I'm from Alabama. 205 00:08:53,905 --> 00:08:55,840 Concerned Southern citizen... whore. 206 00:09:01,512 --> 00:09:03,681 Mother? I did what you asked. 207 00:09:03,748 --> 00:09:07,146 Now nobody will kidnap me. Oh, sit down! 208 00:09:07,652 --> 00:09:09,253 What have you done? 209 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,723 You can't go to your interview looking like that! 210 00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,392 Her hair won't lay properly, madam. 211 00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:15,927 Maybe a kicky hat. 212 00:09:15,993 --> 00:09:17,461 Oh, don't be grotesque, Peepers. 213 00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:19,198 Women aren't wearing hats this year. 214 00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,099 I hesitate to even suggest it, madam. 215 00:09:21,165 --> 00:09:23,968 But... maybe we should try the "Eye-talian" way. 216 00:09:24,035 --> 00:09:26,070 Forcing ourselves on our spouses? 217 00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:27,409 No! 218 00:09:28,305 --> 00:09:29,275 Olive oil. 219 00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:32,710 Oh... 220 00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:43,988 How do I look? 221 00:09:50,629 --> 00:09:51,878 Whoa there, tot. 222 00:09:52,496 --> 00:09:53,698 Why aren't you in school? 223 00:09:53,766 --> 00:09:55,835 I'm headed to work at the night factory. 224 00:09:56,602 --> 00:09:57,803 All right. Have a good day. 225 00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:58,878 Carry on. 226 00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:03,040 Excuse me, sir. Are you sleeping on the street? 227 00:10:03,107 --> 00:10:06,111 No, I just took some heroin and I'm nodding off. 228 00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,813 - It's not a crime. - Well, that's true. 229 00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:11,217 Oh, oh! Say, excuse me, sir! 230 00:10:11,283 --> 00:10:13,351 Sir! Is this woman bothering you? 231 00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:15,450 It's okay, she's my wife. 232 00:10:15,853 --> 00:10:17,555 She smiled at a dog, and there's just 233 00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:19,455 something about that I don't like. 234 00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:21,159 Well, just don't kill her. 235 00:10:23,062 --> 00:10:23,995 Come on, you! 236 00:10:24,062 --> 00:10:25,196 I'm so frustrated. 237 00:10:25,262 --> 00:10:26,931 All we've seen is a truant orphan, 238 00:10:26,998 --> 00:10:29,066 and a junkie, and a man disciplining his wife. 239 00:10:29,134 --> 00:10:31,459 - I mean, where are the crimes? - You know why 240 00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:32,871 we haven't seen any actual crimes. 241 00:10:32,938 --> 00:10:34,640 Why, because everything's basically legal? 242 00:10:34,707 --> 00:10:37,476 No, we need to go to the source. 243 00:10:37,543 --> 00:10:40,603 We need to investigate the people who actually committed the hack. 244 00:10:40,604 --> 00:10:43,261 Well, but we don't know for sure it was the Italians. 245 00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,565 Albert, police work is not about evidence. 246 00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:48,082 It's about instincts. 247 00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:51,230 And my instincts tell me that we need to go 248 00:10:51,231 --> 00:10:54,287 to Greece Town and get us some "Eye-talians." 249 00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,069 So, you want me to perform a surgery? 250 00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:01,239 Yes, doctor, I need your help. 251 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,857 The newspapers are going to be there. 252 00:11:02,858 --> 00:11:03,896 Everyone will be watching. 253 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,053 The problem is, I'm... 254 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,167 I'm not the kind of doctor you think I am. 255 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,678 Oh, no, it's okay. I know you're a bad doctor. 256 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:10,911 No, I'm not... 257 00:11:13,361 --> 00:11:15,008 I'm not a medical doctor. 258 00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:17,742 My masters is in medicine, but my doctorate... 259 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,245 is in the theater arts! 260 00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:20,902 The long and short of it is, 261 00:11:20,903 --> 00:11:23,415 I'm not qualified to conduct surgeries. 262 00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:25,600 Well, I don't really have two pints of ejaculatory fluid 263 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,814 in my stomach, so... 264 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,170 all we have to do is stage the surgery! 265 00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:32,830 Did you say "stage"? 266 00:11:36,687 --> 00:11:38,608 Phillip, extra phosphorous. 267 00:11:39,143 --> 00:11:41,621 We're competing with that orphanage fire story. 268 00:11:41,959 --> 00:11:45,799 Beatrice, thank you so much for granting me this interview. 269 00:11:46,397 --> 00:11:48,522 Now, how does it feel to be the star 270 00:11:48,523 --> 00:11:51,419 of the... the highest-grossing film of all time? 271 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:56,684 There are reports that "The Wizard of Ahhs" 272 00:11:56,685 --> 00:12:01,283 has grossed up to 1.2 hundred dollars. 273 00:12:01,706 --> 00:12:05,244 People are making money off of this? 274 00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:07,894 Beatrice, what do you have to say? 275 00:12:09,839 --> 00:12:10,773 Just that... 276 00:12:12,102 --> 00:12:13,136 I made a mistake. 277 00:12:13,756 --> 00:12:16,983 And sadly, that mistake was something the whole world saw. 278 00:12:17,155 --> 00:12:20,041 But, I'm hoping that people can find it in their hearts to... 279 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:22,969 see me for who I am, 280 00:12:23,047 --> 00:12:25,406 and not the biggest mistake I ever made. 281 00:12:27,349 --> 00:12:29,735 I wanna commend you on your honesty, 282 00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:33,229 and your brave new hairstyle. 283 00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,277 Now, is that a statement on the duality of women 284 00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:37,801 in a patriarchal society? 285 00:12:38,372 --> 00:12:38,999 No. 286 00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,690 Well, get a tintype, boys, 'cause I predict, by the spring, 287 00:12:41,691 --> 00:12:43,915 every woman's gonna have their hair styled 288 00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:45,521 in "the Beatrice"! 289 00:12:47,644 --> 00:12:50,787 Hold it for three more minutes. 290 00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:53,507 180 Mississippi. 291 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,528 179 Mississippi. 292 00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,424 178 Mississippi. 293 00:13:02,238 --> 00:13:05,342 Behold, the whore of Newport. 294 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:08,511 The daughter of Babylon, the harlot of the harbor, 295 00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:10,213 the Jezebel of the ball. 296 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,175 The patient... 297 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:15,095 shows all of the signs of the whore. 298 00:13:15,619 --> 00:13:19,757 Syphilis, genital slack, sarcasm, 299 00:13:19,823 --> 00:13:23,411 the anchovy odor of a woman of the night. 300 00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:27,731 Today, I shall perform a dangerous proto-zectomy, 301 00:13:27,798 --> 00:13:29,878 removing from the patient's gullet 302 00:13:30,134 --> 00:13:32,690 nearly a gallon of semenical fluid. 303 00:13:33,169 --> 00:13:36,039 Many of you have heard the urban legend 304 00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,360 of the woman in such a predicament. 305 00:13:38,742 --> 00:13:39,142 Ow. 306 00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:40,507 Behold. 307 00:13:41,312 --> 00:13:42,571 The whore is real. 308 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,251 ? And a two, and a three ? 309 00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,485 Wait, is that real ether? 310 00:13:48,552 --> 00:13:50,288 - It has to be... - Look over there. 311 00:13:50,353 --> 00:13:51,688 What? 312 00:13:51,755 --> 00:13:54,192 And in these moments between life and death, 313 00:13:54,257 --> 00:13:57,628 fellows... let us begin. 314 00:13:57,696 --> 00:14:00,064 We're gonna get the Pulitzer for this one. 315 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,529 I'm salivating just thinking about it. 316 00:14:02,836 --> 00:14:04,840 And all the woods of Russia, 317 00:14:05,536 --> 00:14:10,407 are trembling under the blows of the axe. 318 00:14:14,444 --> 00:14:15,445 Thank you. 319 00:14:15,512 --> 00:14:17,614 That was Doctor Astrov's monologue 320 00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:20,318 from Anton Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya." 321 00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:22,218 And now for a soliloquy from one of 322 00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:24,354 Shakespeare's least beloved plays, 323 00:14:24,422 --> 00:14:25,790 "Coriolanus." 324 00:14:25,856 --> 00:14:27,025 - No... - What's happening? 325 00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,292 Wait just a moment, just... 326 00:14:28,358 --> 00:14:30,760 My name is Caius Martius, who hath... 327 00:14:30,827 --> 00:14:32,063 - What's going on? - It looks like someone needs 328 00:14:32,129 --> 00:14:33,565 a bit more ether alcohol before we continue. 329 00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:34,999 No! Not ether. 330 00:14:35,066 --> 00:14:36,133 Just wait a moment... 331 00:14:46,709 --> 00:14:47,978 Stop it! Stop it! 332 00:14:49,712 --> 00:14:50,948 Oh, bah! 333 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,516 What's happening? 334 00:14:52,583 --> 00:14:55,585 This is not ejaculate! It's milk! 335 00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,910 Lillian Bellacourt is a liar, 336 00:14:57,911 --> 00:15:00,256 - not a whore. - And that monologue 337 00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:03,993 was absolutely incredible! I did love that monologue. 338 00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:06,029 - Yes. - He's talented. 339 00:15:06,097 --> 00:15:07,030 He's good. 340 00:15:12,702 --> 00:15:15,305 First, they besmirch the Bellacourt name, 341 00:15:15,371 --> 00:15:17,842 now they have the nerve to profit off of it? 342 00:15:17,909 --> 00:15:19,809 Well, it doesn't seem like that much money. 343 00:15:19,876 --> 00:15:21,811 You spent $100,000 on your own cloud 344 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,045 and we couldn't even find it. 345 00:15:23,046 --> 00:15:25,882 It was $300,000, but that's not the point. 346 00:15:25,949 --> 00:15:28,184 You are the one who was kidnapped. 347 00:15:28,251 --> 00:15:30,553 You're the one who fornicated. 348 00:15:30,621 --> 00:15:32,991 I'm the one who should be making money off of it. 349 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,292 What if I had sex with someone else on camera, 350 00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:36,727 and that someone else was Frederick? 351 00:15:36,794 --> 00:15:38,295 I'm not asking for your opinion. 352 00:15:38,362 --> 00:15:41,064 You've no talent, no discernible skills. 353 00:15:41,131 --> 00:15:43,400 It's a miracle you're even able to breathe! 354 00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:44,769 No, I can do it! 355 00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:50,908 Two blocks away from the abortionist 356 00:15:50,975 --> 00:15:53,244 when I went into labor. 357 00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:53,957 Hey! 358 00:15:55,078 --> 00:15:57,747 What if we sold a product with my face on it? 359 00:15:57,814 --> 00:16:00,150 Products don't have celebrities on them. 360 00:16:00,217 --> 00:16:02,745 That's what caricatures of black people are for. 361 00:16:02,746 --> 00:16:05,323 Well, it seems like we have two ideas: 362 00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:08,501 sell a product, or for me to have sex with Frederick on film. 363 00:16:09,393 --> 00:16:10,496 Okay, I'll do it. 364 00:16:12,929 --> 00:16:14,832 You know something, Beatrice? 365 00:16:15,918 --> 00:16:17,352 Your hair... 366 00:16:18,202 --> 00:16:20,904 really does look magnificent. 367 00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:31,683 Can we just barge in there? 368 00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:33,739 We haven't seen anything illegal yet. 369 00:16:34,221 --> 00:16:36,365 We can tell them to turn their music down. 370 00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:38,621 Ah, yes! If you can even call it music. 371 00:16:38,688 --> 00:16:40,256 Opera's supposed to be German. 372 00:16:40,323 --> 00:16:41,659 Can't argue with that. Let's go! 373 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,352 - Hello! - Police! 374 00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:46,431 Hello, we're in your home! 375 00:16:46,496 --> 00:16:48,064 Not again-a. 376 00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:49,866 How can we help you, officers? 377 00:16:49,933 --> 00:16:52,432 All right, sir, I'm gonna ask you to lower your voice. 378 00:16:52,433 --> 00:16:54,203 - Please. - What is this, what is this? 379 00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:55,271 What's in here? What is in here? 380 00:16:55,338 --> 00:16:56,506 - Wine. - Wine. 381 00:16:56,573 --> 00:16:57,542 - Vino. - Oh, yeah, right. 382 00:16:57,608 --> 00:16:58,842 I'm not sure about that. 383 00:16:58,909 --> 00:17:00,076 - What's this? - A plate, a simple plate. 384 00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:01,210 - Yeah? What's going on? - A napkin. 385 00:17:01,277 --> 00:17:02,579 - What do you got here? - Salad. 386 00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:03,815 What's this... what about all of this? 387 00:17:03,881 --> 00:17:06,216 - It's a couch! - It's an English thing. 388 00:17:06,283 --> 00:17:07,717 Hey, hey, she's got something under her dress, there. 389 00:17:07,784 --> 00:17:09,253 Hold on, hold on, Albert. 390 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:10,822 I think she's just a big fat woman. 391 00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,957 No, I'm not fat! I'm pregnant. 392 00:17:13,023 --> 00:17:14,292 It's a baby in here. 393 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,127 Oh, great, the Italians are multiplying. 394 00:17:16,194 --> 00:17:17,124 They could take our jobs. 395 00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:18,264 It's a bambino! 396 00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:19,896 - Oh, she's got a bomb! - She's got a bomb. 397 00:17:19,964 --> 00:17:21,398 - She's got a bomb! - No, a child! 398 00:17:21,465 --> 00:17:22,566 A child! 399 00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:24,034 Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am! Calm down! 400 00:17:24,101 --> 00:17:26,569 Everyone, calm down! Everyone, calm down! 401 00:17:26,982 --> 00:17:28,438 All right, hands up! That's it! 402 00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,507 Excuse me, sir, what is that in your hand? 403 00:17:30,573 --> 00:17:31,842 - It's a spoon, I... - That's what I thought. 404 00:17:31,909 --> 00:17:33,043 - All right. - Not again. 405 00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,044 I'm gonna have to pat you down! 406 00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:35,312 No, no, please! No. 407 00:17:35,379 --> 00:17:37,113 Giuseppe, completely submit to him. 408 00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:38,748 He's got a condition. 409 00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:39,850 Oh, he's so ticklish. 410 00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,651 Please-a, he can't be tickled. 411 00:17:41,718 --> 00:17:43,153 Look at him! 412 00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:44,955 He's laughing and laughing and laughing. 413 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,189 Albert! 414 00:17:46,256 --> 00:17:48,175 - I got something here. - What's up? 415 00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:50,087 Let me see about that. 416 00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,201 This is delicious! 417 00:18:00,271 --> 00:18:01,438 All things considered, good food, good food. 418 00:18:01,505 --> 00:18:03,974 Yeah, sit, sit. 419 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,609 All right, well, cheers, everyone. 420 00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:06,810 It's really nice to meet you. 421 00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,779 - To America! - To America! 422 00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,352 You silly-billy. 423 00:18:12,664 --> 00:18:14,785 This is my first opportunity 424 00:18:14,852 --> 00:18:16,652 to make money on my own: 425 00:18:16,719 --> 00:18:21,290 profiting off of the sexual exploitation of my daughter. 426 00:18:21,358 --> 00:18:22,693 I thought you could only use sex 427 00:18:22,759 --> 00:18:24,827 to get attention from men. I never realized 428 00:18:24,894 --> 00:18:27,163 you could use sex to get rich and famous! 429 00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,665 All this time, I was worried about 430 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:31,193 not being interesting or talented or smart, 431 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,271 but it turns out, I had everything I needed 432 00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:36,741 all along... this! 433 00:18:39,476 --> 00:18:42,013 Hello, everyone. Welcome to the launch 434 00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,748 of the Beatrice Bellacourt Feminine Hair Lubricant. 435 00:18:47,819 --> 00:18:51,155 Look how ugly this servant was before she used my product. 436 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:53,110 And look how pretty she is now. 437 00:18:56,192 --> 00:18:57,694 Those are two different people. 438 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,668 Exactly. 439 00:18:59,228 --> 00:19:00,197 Thank you. 440 00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:01,332 Since being a whore 441 00:19:01,398 --> 00:19:02,799 didn't get me any press coverage, 442 00:19:02,865 --> 00:19:04,301 the only way to get their attention 443 00:19:04,368 --> 00:19:07,116 will be to do something... illegal. 444 00:19:09,285 --> 00:19:12,205 Soon, everyone will be talking about Lillian Bellacourt. 445 00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:15,845 Oh, my God. 446 00:19:18,114 --> 00:19:20,851 Is that... is... is that... 447 00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:22,453 Oh, my God. 448 00:19:22,518 --> 00:19:25,955 I cannot bring myself to say what I see. 449 00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,323 It's... it's... 450 00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:29,293 It's a woman... 451 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,795 Wearing pants! 452 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,734 Mm, what a scandal, right? 453 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,204 - What a perversion. - Lillian! 454 00:19:40,271 --> 00:19:42,206 So, what are you gonna write about me in the press? 455 00:19:42,272 --> 00:19:43,627 We have journalistic standards. 456 00:19:43,628 --> 00:19:45,305 We are not writing about this! 457 00:19:45,306 --> 00:19:46,893 We have to draw the line somewhere. 458 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:48,643 What, so you'll... so you'll write about 459 00:19:48,644 --> 00:19:51,714 a woman having sex on film or a woman having ejaculate 460 00:19:51,782 --> 00:19:52,916 pumped from her stomach, 461 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,251 and this is where you draw the line? 462 00:19:54,317 --> 00:19:57,520 Yes, this is absolutely disgusting! 463 00:19:59,523 --> 00:20:02,326 What is wrong with me? Why won't anyone write about me? 464 00:20:02,392 --> 00:20:03,994 Beatrice is a vacant, useless whore, 465 00:20:04,061 --> 00:20:05,389 and that's all she'll ever be! 466 00:20:05,390 --> 00:20:07,197 Actually, you're wrong, Lillian. 467 00:20:07,264 --> 00:20:09,734 Whores are over. I'm a businesswoman now. 468 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,101 A businesswoman?! 469 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,837 Oh, that's worse than being a whore! 470 00:20:12,902 --> 00:20:15,605 You're just jealous because I'm a star 471 00:20:15,671 --> 00:20:16,739 and you're not. 472 00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,713 As I was saying, if you want your wife 473 00:20:23,781 --> 00:20:25,849 to look like me, there's only one way to do it. 474 00:20:25,916 --> 00:20:27,499 It's with the hair lubricant. 475 00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:34,858 Beatrice! How could you do this to me? 476 00:20:35,290 --> 00:20:37,483 I'm the one who's supposed to have a product! 477 00:20:37,484 --> 00:20:40,663 I'm the one who's supposed to have a lifestyle brand! 478 00:20:42,865 --> 00:20:44,067 When they brought out the cannoli? 479 00:20:44,134 --> 00:20:45,468 - Oh, that was so good! - Oh, my God. 480 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:46,603 - It tasted... - And the tomato sauce... 481 00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:47,970 - Shh. - What? 482 00:20:48,037 --> 00:20:50,039 - It's Lillian. - What... she's wearing pants! 483 00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:53,029 We get to make an arrest. 484 00:20:55,845 --> 00:20:57,582 Let's do it! 485 00:20:57,648 --> 00:20:59,984 - This is so rewarding! - I feel so alive.