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-- Addic7ted.com --

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Where are those guys?

3
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They should have been here
by now!

4
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Just spit-balling here, but what
if you didn't take my thr...

5
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Huh?

6
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- Now!
- Don't shoot French.

7
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Don't shoot French.
Don't shoot French.

8
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You're under arrest,
spine monster.

9
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You're doing hard time for this.

10
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Nice work, everybody.
Churros on French.

11
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Yeah, churros on me.

12
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Unh-unh!
Unh-unh!

13
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Oh, no, I left my wallet at home!

14
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Can I pay you later?

15
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I'm good for the money,
I swear to God.

16
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[Bleep] my dong.

17
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He wants me to lick his [Bleep]?

18
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[Bleep] my dong.

19
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I don't have the money, I guess
I don't really have a choice.

20
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[Bleep] my dong.

21
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1x01 - Got a Minute For Love?

22
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Apparently, it's mummy season.

23
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Mummies all over the damn place.

24
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Speaking of mummies, today is
the three-month anniversary

25
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of your dead mommy.
Weird, huh?

26
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Yeah... weird.

27
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You know, Mom loved apples.

28
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It's sad to think she'll never
see me graduate college

29
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and make a difference.

30
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That apple was not for you.
You ruined my apple!

31
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- Don't eat my apple!
- Geez, sorry.

32
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Can we just talk like
real people for a moment?

33
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So, uh, I gotta go
get those mummies.

34
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- My apple.
- Well, Chubbie Webbers,

35
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you're always here when I need you.

36
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Oh, I almost forgot.

37
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Chubbie, I need you
to help fight mummies.

38
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Here, boy.

39
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J.A.S.O.N., call Matt.

40
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J.A.S.O.N.: Calling guy
you think is your boyfriend.

41
00:02:07,862 --> 00:02:08,840
Hey!

42
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,480
Oh, Jen.
I was just about to call you.

43
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Can I come over?
I kind of need someone to talk to.

44
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Swing on by, I'm free.

45
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Uh, excuse me?
You got a minute for love?

46
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Hey, almost at your place.

47
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Oh, sorry, forgot,
I just landed in Barcelona.

48
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But you just said ...

49
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Yeah, I-I got a free trip to Barcelona.

50
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Who am I to pass up
a free trip to Barcelona?

51
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Maybe we can just talk
on the phone, then?

52
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My mom passed away recently, and ...

53
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Sorry, I can't hear you

54
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over all the bullfighting
and flamenco dancing.

55
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[Bleep]

56
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Hey, get off!

57
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I'm Donovan Kim.
Are you okay?

58
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- You just killed that guy!
- I had no choice. He had this.

59
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Yeah, I saw that.

60
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- Thanks. My name's Jen.
- I'm Donovan Kim.

61
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- "Got a minute for love"?
- Yes, I do.

62
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My first mummy case!

63
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Lucky I'm here, French,
to show you the ropes.

64
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I did my homework, Branski.

65
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My mummy detector is saying
we should drive northwest.

66
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Mummy detector?
Psh.

67
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Dogs are God's mummy detectors,

68
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,260
- ain't that right, Chubbie?
- Uh, no.

69
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Ha!
My detector found one first.

70
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In your face, God!

71
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Ugh!

72
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That's not a mummy,
that's a burn victim.

73
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Ow! You punched me
right in my burn!

74
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Wa-a-a-ah!
Help me learn about mummies.

75
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Mummies!

76
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Mummy 101 ...
track down the king mummy.

77
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Let's see where they lead us.

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"Got a minute for love"
is a charity based out of Africa.

79
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We listen to
starving people's problems.

80
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And then you feed them?

81
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:07,130
Sometimes just having someone
listen is all they really need.

82
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That's all I need.

83
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:12,370
The only family I have left is my
uncle, but he's like a brick wall.

84
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,463
Sometimes I feel like
I don't have anybody

85
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- I can really talk to.
- Well, you have me.

86
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Donovan Kim.

87
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Strange. Why are mummies
hanging out at the docks?

88
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It's actually not strange at all.

89
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Mummies love water.
They're excellent swimmers.

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- Tell me more about mummies.
- Let me see,

91
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they can disguise themselves
as regular people, also.

92
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They get drunk
when they drink orange juice.

93
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Wacky!

94
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Another interesting mummy fact?

95
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Their mummy wrap is bulletproof.

96
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Between school, Hot Streets,

97
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,979
this guy I'm kind of seeing,
it's a lot to juggle.

98
00:04:59,980 --> 00:05:01,780
I'm in a reggae band,
so I can relate.

99
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I'll never be like my mom.
She was a single mother

100
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and a Congresswoman.
She did it all.

101
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Jen, you are it all.

102
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Thanks for walking me home.

103
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It's funny, I feel like
I've known you my whole life.

104
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Uh, before anything happens,

105
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I want you to know I'm looking
for a serious commitment.

106
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I hope that doesn't scare you.

107
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It takes a lot to scare me
these days.

108
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Aah!

109
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It looks like they're swimming...

110
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- straight to Egypt!
- Damn, you let 'em get away.

111
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Mummy 102 ...
never let a mummy escape.

112
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It's my fault.

113
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Look, it's the tunnel of love!

114
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If we fly through it,
we'll be together forever.

115
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What are you doing?

116
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Ugh!
What is this?

117
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Okay, calm down.

118
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I can go to the doctor.
Wait!

119
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- Huh?
- I didn't feel anything.

120
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That's because it's indestructible.

121
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Donovan?!
What are you doing here?

122
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I know it looks like
you're growing a belly penis,

123
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but it's even better than that.

124
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My kiss gifted you
the silver cord,

125
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an umbilical cord to the heavens.

126
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You see, I'm not just
a beautiful Korean man.

127
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I'm also a beautiful
Egyptian mummy.

128
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[Bleep] hell.

129
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My father is Anubis,
the king of all mummies.

130
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He sent me to America
to find someone

131
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who could be
my mummy princess.

132
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There's a boat for Cairo
leaving in one hour.

133
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- Come with me.
- No way.

134
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You're a mummy now.

135
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You belong inside the pyramids
with your own kind.

136
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Please, be my princess.

137
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,680
Hey, Jen, I want to
talk to you about apples.

138
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Just a minute!

139
00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:16,839
- Are you pregnant?
- Yes.

140
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- Tight. Anyway, about apples...
- Uncle Mark,

141
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what would you do
if I told you I was a mummy?

142
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Jen, if you told me
you were a mummy,

143
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I would do everything
within my power... to murder you.

144
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Mummy?

145
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- Mummy.
- There's a lot going on in my life.

146
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I need to talk to somebody
about this stuff.

147
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There's stuff I want to
talk about, too, like apples.

148
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What is it with apples?!

149
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Why can't I ever have
a real conversation with you?!

150
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We can talk about apples later.

151
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Man: All aboard!
Last ship to Cairo!

152
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Well, Chubbie, looks like
we're moving to Egypt.

153
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Freeze! You're under arrest
for being a mummy.

154
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- You're gonna do hard time for this.
- Please, let me go.

155
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,870
In Egypt, there's a place for me.

156
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Mummy 102 ...
never let a mummy escape.

157
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Jen, I know you're here!

158
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And a mummy!

159
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Ugh! Ooh!

160
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Don't make me hurt you, French.

161
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Life in jail won't be so bad.

162
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I'll sneak in orange juice for you.

163
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I wish I was a mummy.

164
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We are gathered here
today in Egypt

165
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for the joining of my son,
Donovan Kim, and Jen Sanders.

166
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They shall lead
as Prince and Princess of Cairo.

167
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I can't believe I'm doing this.

168
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,700
Their cords shall be connected
irreversibly,

169
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,770
and they will forever
taste each other's food,

170
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as well as each other's poop.

171
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If anyone objects, please
sound the gong of opposition.

172
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I object, big time.

173
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- Uncle Mark?
- Not the gong of opposition.

174
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Jen, I realize I'm the real
reason you left.

175
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I pushed you away by not being
there when you needed me the most.

176
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- Do something!
- Stop!

177
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,269
- Way to save me, Jen...
- My son!

178
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- ...and lead me to the king mummy.
- Seize them!

179
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Seize... ya later.

180
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- Huh?
- What?

181
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From now on, we're talking more.

182
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We should really
get to know each other.

183
00:10:05,890 --> 00:10:07,990
You're right, Jen.
There should be no secrets

184
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between us,
which brings me to apples.

185
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What's the deal with apples?

186
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,090
Sometimes, I get real lonely.

187
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I haven't been with a woman
in 15 years.

188
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- I use apples to deal with this.
- Oh, no.

189
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:22,169
First I remove the core, put it
in the microwave for eight seconds,

190
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then I spread the innards
with apple butter.

191
00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:25,739
Do you [bleep] apples?

192
00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:27,179
The thing about apples is ...

193
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I ate an apple
you masturbated with?!

194
00:10:29,350 --> 00:10:31,710
Hold on, it's not what it looks like.

195
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:34,849
- Easy with the harsh language.
- Okay.

196
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I just wanted to say,

197
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I like to have sex with apples,
and you ate one of those apples.

198
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- Ugh!
- I know! It's really gross that you ate that.

199
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- Chubbie! Chubbie!
- It feels good letting that out.

200
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:49,100
We're really talking about things.
This is nice.

201
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- Chubbie! Chubbie! Chubbie!
- Me! Me! Me!

202
00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:56,700
- Chubbie! Chubbie!
- Me! Me!

203
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