1 00:00:00,167 --> 00:00:04,376 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:04,751 --> 00:00:07,001 _ 3 00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:12,042 Hey, Mom-Mom. 4 00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:14,792 Uh, Clem comes to you for therapy, right? 5 00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:17,585 Sweetheart, I can't reveal who my patients are. 6 00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:19,666 - Hey, Tyler. - Hi. 7 00:00:19,667 --> 00:00:20,917 Uh, Joan, I'm ready for therapy. 8 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,086 Okay. 9 00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:25,089 I still acknowledge nothing. 10 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,424 You have to help me out. 11 00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:27,859 Splitting up was a huge mistake. 12 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,061 I love Clementine, and I just want her back. 13 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:30,928 Tell her. 14 00:00:30,930 --> 00:00:31,929 I... I say that 15 00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:33,264 as your grandmother, 16 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,791 not as her therapist, 17 00:00:34,792 --> 00:00:36,875 - which I may or may not be. - I can't. 18 00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:38,603 I need to know if she still feels the same way 19 00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:39,737 before I open up. 20 00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:41,539 Don't you think it's worth a gamble? 21 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,407 I say that not as your grandmother, 22 00:00:43,409 --> 00:00:45,036 but as a gambler. 23 00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,577 Uh... 24 00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:47,879 Psst. 25 00:00:48,857 --> 00:00:51,092 I know how to solve your problem. 26 00:00:51,646 --> 00:00:53,384 Just go take a good pee. 27 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,920 What's the difference between a good pee and a bad pee? 28 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:58,389 Well, if you have to ask, you're one of the lucky ones. 29 00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,991 Just go to the bathroom. 30 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,125 I don't need to go. 31 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:02,326 You millennials think 32 00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:03,761 you always know everything. 33 00:01:03,763 --> 00:01:05,830 If I tell you to go to the bathroom, 34 00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:08,438 go to the bathroom. 35 00:01:08,579 --> 00:01:09,634 Well, you've been talking so long 36 00:01:09,635 --> 00:01:11,960 - that I kind of do have to go. - Mm-hmm. 37 00:01:17,587 --> 00:01:20,088 I know you're holding so much inside you. 38 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:21,545 Can you let it out? 39 00:01:22,815 --> 00:01:24,849 See if you can let it out, honey. 40 00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,920 I'm still struggling with our breakup. 41 00:01:30,326 --> 00:01:32,457 Tyler is my best friend. 42 00:01:32,482 --> 00:01:35,293 He's just so sweet and sensitive. 43 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,594 Yes, dear. No matter what, 44 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,753 you always keep a soft spot for your first love. 45 00:01:39,832 --> 00:01:41,132 Mine was a war criminal, 46 00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,501 and I still smile when I think about him. 47 00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:44,936 Was he nice? 48 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,971 No, dear. He was a war criminal. 49 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:49,206 Oh. The one that got away. 50 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,292 - No, he was hanged. - Oh. 51 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,810 As a war criminal. 52 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,445 Oh, but we had fun. 53 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,846 That's what I want. 54 00:01:55,848 --> 00:01:57,548 I want to have fun, but every time 55 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:59,951 I think I'm ready to move on from Tyler, I... 56 00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,731 catch a glimpse of him without his shirt on. 57 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:06,090 His body is so milky white and... 58 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,925 he's got these two new chest hairs. 59 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:11,395 Like little sexy spider legs waving hello. 60 00:02:12,577 --> 00:02:15,378 Wait till she sees number three. 61 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,170 Nobody got me a beer? 62 00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,738 How come I didn't get a beer? 63 00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,106 No, I don't want it. 64 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,041 Oh, Tim. See, look at Tyler. 65 00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:27,078 That's the same color white that I want my teeth to be. 66 00:02:27,376 --> 00:02:29,380 Oh, sorry. I was just lifting, 67 00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:31,949 and now my shirt won't fit, so... 68 00:02:31,951 --> 00:02:33,784 Why are your nipples so hard? 69 00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:34,852 Doesn't that hurt? 70 00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:36,959 - Uh... - Oh! 71 00:02:37,009 --> 00:02:38,289 Tyler. 72 00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:40,358 Here's an afghan. 73 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,494 Uh, am I still allowed to call it an afghan? 74 00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,763 Joan, could I talk to you in your office for a second? 75 00:02:45,764 --> 00:02:47,460 - Sure. - Uh, maybe 76 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,899 you should do that someplace else. 77 00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:51,751 Maybe someone goes in there to fart. 78 00:02:51,814 --> 00:02:54,105 Dad. 79 00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,409 Oh. 80 00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:00,878 I cannot believe that you told Tyler what I said. 81 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,681 What happened to doctor-patient confederacy? 82 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,149 Honey, I would never tell anything 83 00:03:05,151 --> 00:03:07,051 you told me as a patient. 84 00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:09,086 What, so it's just a coincidence that Tyler decided 85 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:10,821 to show up without his shirt on? 86 00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:12,428 God, you're so lucky you're related to him. 87 00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,469 You can probably resist it. 88 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:16,396 Yeah. 89 00:03:16,421 --> 00:03:18,025 I don't know how to explain it. 90 00:03:18,050 --> 00:03:20,083 He-he just came without his shirt. 91 00:03:28,699 --> 00:03:30,065 Tyler? 92 00:03:30,153 --> 00:03:32,106 Someone's in here. 93 00:03:33,642 --> 00:03:36,351 You know what, I still can't understand 94 00:03:36,376 --> 00:03:38,983 how Tyler overheard my therapy session. 95 00:03:38,985 --> 00:03:41,179 Well, I told him to go pee. 96 00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:42,787 You can hear through the vent. 97 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,084 You can hear my sessions through the vent? 98 00:03:45,085 --> 00:03:48,500 Yeah, uh, because I knew you couldn't tell Tyler about 99 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:51,201 Tangerine's feelings, so I did it for you. 100 00:03:51,226 --> 00:03:54,265 Because we have that unspoken agreement. 101 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,800 What agreement? 102 00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:58,169 Well, the one where you won't do things 103 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:01,338 that are against the rules, so I do 'em for you. 104 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:02,873 I don't know what you're talking about. 105 00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:04,833 The perfect crime. 106 00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,959 Honey, I know this is strange, but I need you to go 107 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,000 into the bathroom and stay there. 108 00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:14,318 Oh. I've gotten this request before. 109 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:18,322 Oh. We've got a lot of ground to cover. 110 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,160 Oh. Here's the problem, Mom-Mom. Your computer was off. 111 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,829 Oh. "Off" buttons. 112 00:04:24,834 --> 00:04:27,293 - Hmm. - Honey, while I have you, dear, 113 00:04:27,336 --> 00:04:29,736 are you still in love with Clementine? 114 00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:31,869 I think you know the answer to that. 115 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,771 I'd like to hear you say it. 116 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,206 Why? That's weird. 117 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,241 Say it, damn it. 118 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,810 I love her. I love her so much. 119 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:43,530 And you realize that you made a horrendous mistake 120 00:04:43,555 --> 00:04:46,568 and that you wish you could take it all back? 121 00:04:47,324 --> 00:04:48,590 Say it. 122 00:04:48,615 --> 00:04:50,187 Don't make me pinch you. 123 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:54,058 Okay! It was the worst mistake of my life. I'm so stupid. 124 00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,093 I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid idiot. 125 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:57,962 My dad and all my high school friends were right. 126 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,164 She was too good for me. And now I'm gonna die alone, 127 00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:01,699 and she's gonna have a million babies without me! 128 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,235 All right, all right, all right. We-we got the gist. 129 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,325 Why are you being so mean? 130 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,120 I, uh... 131 00:05:08,145 --> 00:05:10,107 I really thought she'd be here by now. 132 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:12,567 Who? Samantha? I wasn't doing anything. 133 00:05:12,592 --> 00:05:13,958 Tyler... 134 00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:17,083 I love you, too. 135 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,858 Not on the desk! 136 00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,959 _ 137 00:05:32,491 --> 00:05:36,400 Tim! Tim, you got another ticket? 138 00:05:36,402 --> 00:05:40,271 Impossible. I am nothing if not an incredibly safe driver. 139 00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:43,989 - Oh, man. - Yeah. 140 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:46,592 You always have to tell me if you have proof 141 00:05:46,617 --> 00:05:48,284 before you accuse me. 142 00:05:48,309 --> 00:05:49,490 Then that way, I don't have to lie to you. 143 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,282 Come on, babe, we've talked about this. 144 00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:54,251 We are already on my parents' car insurance, babe. 145 00:05:54,278 --> 00:05:56,620 There is nowhere for us to go after this. 146 00:05:56,622 --> 00:05:58,522 Relax. I'll do Internet traffic school. 147 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:00,191 And like everything I do online, 148 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,726 I'll bang it out in two seconds. 149 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:04,929 Well parked, young wizard! 150 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,530 On to the next magical lesson! 151 00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:07,932 Oh, I hate this. 152 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:10,067 Why is this traffic school wizard-themed? 153 00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,757 Everybody knows wizards don't drive; they ride eagles! 154 00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:16,701 How many wands away from the curb shall ye park your chariot? 155 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,918 - In inches? - How am I supposed to know? 156 00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,844 I only learned it in wands! 157 00:06:20,846 --> 00:06:22,529 It's 18 inches. 158 00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:23,893 That's as good a guess as any. 159 00:06:24,959 --> 00:06:26,925 Hey, you were right! Who told you that? 160 00:06:26,950 --> 00:06:29,883 Mergin the Driving Wizard. Aren't you listening? 161 00:06:29,908 --> 00:06:32,642 He said it when he brought that motorcycle rider back to life. 162 00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,051 Hey, you know what? 163 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,994 If you can finish this test for me, 164 00:06:36,996 --> 00:06:39,630 I just might be able to turn Tyler's old car 165 00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:41,432 into Sam's new car. 166 00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,167 What's Tyler going to use? 167 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:46,136 He's got nowhere to go. 168 00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:47,404 Yeah. 169 00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:51,609 Okay, Soph, enough with the slime. 170 00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,377 You got to get going on your homework. 171 00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:54,878 I'm having Beverly do it for me. 172 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,847 She's desperate for my approval, 173 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:59,550 and I'm embarrassed how much I've been withholding. 174 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,218 Sweetie, you can't do that. You can't just pawn 175 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,087 your work off on someone else. 176 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,155 That's what you'd think, but I saw Sam taking 177 00:07:05,157 --> 00:07:08,492 Dad's driving test for him, so I figured anything goes. 178 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,996 Okay, honey, your dad would never do that. 179 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:12,963 Of course I did that. 180 00:07:12,964 --> 00:07:14,543 - Oh, Tim! - All right, no one 181 00:07:14,584 --> 00:07:17,001 actually knows where a wizard gets his power from. 182 00:07:17,026 --> 00:07:19,270 So I guess we're gonna have to go to the dark web to find out. 183 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,205 I can't believe that you are teaching 184 00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:22,773 our daughter it's okay to cheat. 185 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,275 Well, you cheat all the time! 186 00:07:24,292 --> 00:07:25,542 - What? - Dad's just 187 00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:26,777 teaching me about priorities. 188 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,669 Don't forget about bribery, too. 189 00:07:28,694 --> 00:07:30,528 Okay, you know what, no. 190 00:07:30,958 --> 00:07:33,841 Sam, we're hypocrites, okay? 191 00:07:33,866 --> 00:07:35,753 But you're-you're better than that. 192 00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,922 You're a good kid. I know this! I read it in your diary. 193 00:07:38,924 --> 00:07:40,057 You read my diary? 194 00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:43,594 Yes. Because we are terrible people, okay? 195 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:45,529 But it's not too late for you. 196 00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:47,640 And you were right, Sam. 197 00:07:48,113 --> 00:07:50,234 Everything can change over the summer. 198 00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,459 - Mm. - Oh, my God. 199 00:07:53,238 --> 00:07:54,834 Samantha cheated, and there were no... 200 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,241 Thank you... no consequences. She's just way too young 201 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,109 to give up on having morals. 202 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,277 So I guess we're done talking 203 00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:02,157 about my grandmother's diagnosis then. 204 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,819 Heather, it's not too late to teach Samantha a lesson. 205 00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:07,366 When I was a kid, I used to swap price tags 206 00:08:07,391 --> 00:08:08,652 to get things cheaper. 207 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,454 Oh, honey, I know. But don't feel bad about that. 208 00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:12,389 You grew up in a different world. 209 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,158 I grew up in a gated community. 210 00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,933 - Oh. - I just liked the thrill 211 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,107 of stealing things. So my mom had my neighbor 212 00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:20,459 dress up like a cop to scare me straight. 213 00:08:20,769 --> 00:08:22,910 But don't you still swap price tags? 214 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,035 Yes, but only because, 215 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:26,537 on his way over to scare me, 216 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:29,106 a drug dealer thought my neighbor was a real cop 217 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:31,925 and just shot him dead. Yeah. 218 00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,626 But I really think the plan would have worked. 219 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,784 Mom, my life is over! 220 00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:40,918 What happened, sweetie? 221 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,187 Ten bucks says she's pregnant. 222 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,489 I got an e-mail from the DMV. 223 00:08:45,945 --> 00:08:48,873 Oh, did you? Hmm. 224 00:08:48,898 --> 00:08:50,394 I wonder what that said. 225 00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,296 They found out I took Dad's traffic test for him 226 00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,898 and said I can't get my license until I'm 21. 227 00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,600 Mm. Wow, that's tough. 228 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,824 I hope you learned a valuable lesson. 229 00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:00,251 - I did. - Good. 230 00:09:00,272 --> 00:09:02,673 I went right to the DMV to apologize. 231 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,004 You went to the what now? 232 00:09:04,005 --> 00:09:05,291 I had to explain what happened. 233 00:09:05,292 --> 00:09:06,751 - Oh... - I told them that Dad bribed me 234 00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,579 to take his traffic test for him. 235 00:09:08,581 --> 00:09:10,347 Oh, Samantha, I wish you wouldn't have done that. 236 00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,082 The e-mail was from me! 237 00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:13,283 You tricked me? 238 00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:17,020 Yes! Because I wanted to teach you a valuable lesson! 239 00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:19,223 Well, I guess that explains why the DMV can't spell 240 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,260 - the word "parallel." - Heather! 241 00:09:22,698 --> 00:09:25,929 Heather, I just got an e-mail from the DMV. 242 00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:28,866 They found out somehow that Samantha took the test for me, 243 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,467 and now they're suspending my license! 244 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:33,446 Don't worry, Dad, that was probably a fake e-mail from Mom. 245 00:09:33,471 --> 00:09:35,404 She's pathological. 246 00:09:35,429 --> 00:09:38,278 Heather, please tell me that e-mail was from you. 247 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:41,919 Oh, Heather! 248 00:09:42,501 --> 00:09:44,377 _ 249 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,234 Hey, guys, 250 00:09:46,235 --> 00:09:49,247 check out these vintage Jordans I got for my big job interview. 251 00:09:49,292 --> 00:09:51,274 I heard the CEO collects these. 252 00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:52,873 - Oh, yeah. - Uh-uh-uh-uh. 253 00:09:52,874 --> 00:09:55,102 No touch, okay? They're still mint. 254 00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:58,271 Yeah, I outbid a 12-year-old from Bel Air for these things. 255 00:09:58,273 --> 00:10:00,607 Are those the shoes you wanted to put in our china cabinet? 256 00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:02,434 Yeah. But then I realized 257 00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:04,592 you don't put shoes in a china cabinet. 258 00:10:07,382 --> 00:10:09,015 You know, this behavior would be understandable 259 00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:11,150 if there was any reason for it. 260 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,752 Well, he's just trying to make up for not being cool 261 00:10:12,754 --> 00:10:14,670 in high school. I think it's kind of cute. 262 00:10:14,695 --> 00:10:16,055 As long as I can ignore the fact 263 00:10:16,057 --> 00:10:17,824 that he spent our vacation money on them. 264 00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,042 He-he was cool in high school. 265 00:10:20,043 --> 00:10:22,362 Yeah, you slayed, baby. You slayed. 266 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,730 Eh, not so much, Ma. 267 00:10:23,732 --> 00:10:25,598 I was kind of an embarrassment. 268 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,500 I mean, that's why Matt wouldn't even drive me to school. 269 00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,869 Uh, I drove you to school. 270 00:10:29,871 --> 00:10:31,704 No, you didn't. You said I didn't meet 271 00:10:31,706 --> 00:10:32,906 the height requirement. 272 00:10:32,918 --> 00:10:34,415 - Ah... - The point is, 273 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,142 it took me a long time to get over 274 00:10:36,144 --> 00:10:37,911 the years of your neglect, 275 00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,012 but... 276 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,079 I'm over it. 277 00:10:40,081 --> 00:10:41,381 Totes over it. 278 00:10:44,695 --> 00:10:46,228 Over it! 279 00:10:48,542 --> 00:10:50,876 Oh, man! 280 00:10:55,648 --> 00:10:57,147 Get in. 281 00:10:59,162 --> 00:11:00,366 Yes, you. 282 00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:01,959 I feel bad about not driving you to school, 283 00:11:01,970 --> 00:11:03,636 so I'm taking you to that interview. 284 00:11:03,638 --> 00:11:06,439 You're gonna give me a ride in Blue Ferrigno? 285 00:11:06,459 --> 00:11:08,709 Man, that sound! 286 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,376 It's just like I used to hear from my bedroom 287 00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:13,042 after you would lock me in it. 288 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,083 Oh, man. 289 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:21,220 Th-This is exactly how I imagined this would be. 290 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,389 I got to be honest with you, one of the reasons I didn't take you 291 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,468 to school is because I didn't always go. 292 00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,328 - What? - I'd skip school. 293 00:11:27,329 --> 00:11:28,795 I'd drive around in this bad boy 294 00:11:28,797 --> 00:11:31,798 and pick up on the junior college transfer girls. 295 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,333 Wow. 296 00:11:33,335 --> 00:11:34,801 Hey, I got to ask. 297 00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,543 - I mean, s-since we're talking about it. - Hmm? 298 00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,272 How many girls have you been with? 299 00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:40,473 Oh, I'm not telling you. 300 00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:41,874 What? No, come on! 301 00:11:41,876 --> 00:11:43,376 No, I'm not gonna tell you. 302 00:11:43,378 --> 00:11:44,943 It's lame to talk about. I don't... 303 00:11:44,968 --> 00:11:46,168 All right, w-well, fine. 304 00:11:46,193 --> 00:11:48,247 Just, uh... just honk 305 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:49,625 how many times. 306 00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:50,585 Come on, just do it, just do it. 307 00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,085 - Uh, uh... - Code. 308 00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,019 Bro code. 309 00:11:53,021 --> 00:11:53,786 Uh-huh. 310 00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:55,666 Ah. 311 00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:59,501 Uh-huh. Oh. 312 00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:00,994 I'm gonna need two horns for this one. 313 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,125 What? 314 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,598 Okay. Stop honking. 315 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,280 Okay. I'm sorry. I was done anyway. 316 00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:09,375 - And then there was college. - That was before college?! 317 00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:12,001 Why? How many have you had? 318 00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:14,125 - Let's just listen to music, shall we? - No, no, no! 319 00:12:14,142 --> 00:12:14,974 Don't turn on the radio! 320 00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:16,098 It'll short out the... 321 00:12:24,241 --> 00:12:26,380 No, no, no, no, no. Oh, man! 322 00:12:26,405 --> 00:12:28,154 Another driver canceled. 323 00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:31,357 Great. And now I'm gonna be late for my interview. 324 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,092 Well, it's, like, ten minutes away. Let's walk. 325 00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:34,694 No, I can't walk in these shoes. 326 00:12:34,696 --> 00:12:35,728 What? 327 00:12:35,730 --> 00:12:36,863 They're mint! 328 00:12:36,865 --> 00:12:38,721 Do you know how much wear and tear 329 00:12:38,746 --> 00:12:40,378 ten minutes would do to these? 330 00:12:40,403 --> 00:12:42,135 They would plummet from "new in the box" 331 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,536 down to "very, very good." 332 00:12:43,538 --> 00:12:44,637 What do you want to do? 333 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,459 I don't know. 334 00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:49,455 Well... 335 00:12:50,278 --> 00:12:52,445 What are you doing? Dude, what are you doing? What are you... really? 336 00:12:52,459 --> 00:12:53,584 Will you give me a piggyback ride? 337 00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:54,707 - No! - Come on. 338 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:55,918 Just give me... step away from the curb. 339 00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:57,001 Get off of me. 340 00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:00,186 Do I really have to hold your hand? 341 00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:03,389 Yeah, these seat covers are slippery. 342 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,125 Why don't you just take the Jordans off? 343 00:13:06,127 --> 00:13:08,127 Well, because they make me feel good, you know. 344 00:13:08,129 --> 00:13:11,014 Not everybody has the same number of honks as you do. 345 00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:13,073 Oh, life isn't all about the honks, Gregory. 346 00:13:13,098 --> 00:13:14,634 And, besides, you probably got a couple little beeps in there. 347 00:13:14,635 --> 00:13:15,869 - Right? Yeah. - Eh, well... 348 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,303 Man, you're lucky you weren't in my car. 349 00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,939 You actually went to class, and you became this guy, you know? 350 00:13:19,941 --> 00:13:22,175 This guy who's gonna go get this job. 351 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,068 Are you saying I'm cool? 352 00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:26,797 Well, you're wearing my seat beads on your feet. 353 00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:27,939 Yeah. 354 00:13:32,236 --> 00:13:34,253 Looks like we made it. 355 00:13:34,970 --> 00:13:37,090 Hey, Matt, thanks again. 356 00:13:37,092 --> 00:13:38,224 Yeah. 357 00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:39,425 I'm gonna make you proud. 358 00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,526 Aw, Greg, 359 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,562 man, you already have. 360 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,399 Dude! 361 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:47,567 Oh! 362 00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:49,035 Dude! 363 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,436 You did that on purpose! 364 00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:51,971 What?! No, I didn't! I'm sorry! 365 00:13:51,973 --> 00:13:53,739 It's not my fault you don't have any balance! 366 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,241 Oh, forget it, man! 367 00:13:55,243 --> 00:13:57,363 I can't go in there now! 368 00:13:57,388 --> 00:14:00,256 No shoe company's gonna hire me looking like this! 369 00:14:02,887 --> 00:14:04,750 Well, now it makes sense. 370 00:14:07,751 --> 00:14:09,751 _ 371 00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:12,043 Yeah. 372 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,585 Was that great or what? 373 00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:17,502 - An old-fashioned movie night. - Yeah. 374 00:14:17,521 --> 00:14:20,858 Oh, it really brings me back to when the kids were little. 375 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,227 Yeah, I remember that. You would set us up with a movie 376 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:25,162 and then go upstairs and fold laundry. 377 00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:26,830 Yeah, that's what was going on. 378 00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:27,830 You know what? 379 00:14:27,855 --> 00:14:30,166 I think that we should do this every week. 380 00:14:30,167 --> 00:14:31,417 - Yeah. - Oh, yay. 381 00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:32,569 That'd be fun. 382 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,297 No, but-but-but-but she meant instead of brunch. 383 00:14:35,322 --> 00:14:36,521 We can do both. 384 00:14:36,546 --> 00:14:38,633 We already do, because technically, 385 00:14:38,658 --> 00:14:41,091 brunch is both breakfast and lunch. 386 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,782 Right, so we'll see you tomorrow. 387 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:49,987 Now we've got a weekly brunch and a movie night? 388 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,388 We were just here eight hours ago. 389 00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:52,341 We didn't even bother to take Lark 390 00:14:52,342 --> 00:14:53,626 out of her car seat last night. 391 00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:54,925 It's too much. 392 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:57,027 - Is that the right answer? - I mean, don't you think, Tim? 393 00:14:57,349 --> 00:14:58,562 I'm gonna wait to see how you react 394 00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,064 to her answer before I answer. 395 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,533 I have literally seen conjoined twins 396 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,735 spend less time together than this family. 397 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,137 Yeah, now that I've seen your reaction, it's sickening. 398 00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:10,007 Yeah, but isn't it, isn't it kind of sweet 399 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,587 how much they love each other? 400 00:15:12,918 --> 00:15:14,085 Because I don't think it is. 401 00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:15,084 - No. No. - Mm-mm, mm-mm. 402 00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:17,167 - You know what this is about? It's about boundaries. - Mm-hmm. 403 00:15:17,168 --> 00:15:19,183 Because if we don't fight this now, 404 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,285 we're gonna be over here every single night, 405 00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:22,709 - and we're not even blood-related. - Oh. 406 00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,583 I think they're the in-laws, 407 00:15:24,584 --> 00:15:27,999 we are the out-laws. 408 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,500 - Yeah. And we don't play... - Yeah. 409 00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:31,419 - by their rules; we make our own rules. - Yeah. That's right. 410 00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:33,606 - Rule number one: no rules. - Okay. 411 00:15:33,607 --> 00:15:35,543 - Rule number two: be courteous. - Sure. 412 00:15:35,584 --> 00:15:36,791 Rule number three: elections. 413 00:15:36,792 --> 00:15:38,001 - Hmm. - Election rule number one: 414 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,937 no rules. Election rule number two: 415 00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:41,710 - contesting elections. Now... - Okay. I don't know. 416 00:15:41,711 --> 00:15:44,742 I just don't want to be the bad guy and not show up. 417 00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:48,374 But no one will be the bad guy if we present a united front. 418 00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:50,001 - Uh-huh. - We are going to take a stand 419 00:15:50,042 --> 00:15:53,500 together. Who is with me? 420 00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:54,751 - That's you guys. You guys are with me. - Oh. 421 00:15:54,792 --> 00:15:56,034 - Do it again, do it again. - Uh, who's with me? 422 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,001 - Yeah! - We are! 423 00:15:57,026 --> 00:15:57,625 Good. 424 00:15:57,626 --> 00:15:59,085 One, two, three... 425 00:15:59,086 --> 00:16:01,917 - Outlaws! - Girls! - Outlaws! 426 00:16:02,584 --> 00:16:05,418 All right, everyone, movie night in four minutes. 427 00:16:05,459 --> 00:16:07,293 They're making a serious stand by not coming. 428 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,252 Yeah, I know it. 429 00:16:08,304 --> 00:16:10,334 But, you know, we have to support our spouses. 430 00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,236 Right. But, just to be clear, 431 00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:14,571 if-if Mom asks, we are telling her the truth, right? 432 00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:16,625 - Oh, absolutely. - Where's Jen? 433 00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:18,709 - She, uh, has a headache. - Yeah, Tim, too. 434 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,585 Yeah, he was chasing a street sweeper 435 00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:21,655 because he thought 436 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,561 it was an ice cream truck and then the lights just... 437 00:16:23,586 --> 00:16:25,015 set off a migraine. 438 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:26,750 Uh, and Colleen? 439 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,319 I guess she's sick as well? 440 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,759 Actually, Mom, she decided to stay home... 441 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:34,858 to celebrate the Mexican holiday of Adidas. 442 00:16:37,438 --> 00:16:39,229 "Surround yourself with loved ones, 443 00:16:39,250 --> 00:16:41,250 for someday they might be gone." 444 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,377 Next, on A Little Off The Nose. 445 00:16:45,393 --> 00:16:46,875 That's the same girl? 446 00:16:46,876 --> 00:16:48,085 I don't even recognize myself. 447 00:16:48,086 --> 00:16:49,173 Oh. Hi. 448 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,541 Jen, I'm worried that 449 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,575 if we don't go to movie night, 450 00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,117 John and Joan will die. 451 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:56,547 John and Joan, or John or Joan? 452 00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,216 I just got into this family. Okay? They like me still. 453 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,918 Plus, it's really good to have a white family 454 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,186 as a character witness. 455 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,587 Hey. How about this? 456 00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:05,589 We could spend our Saturday night together. 457 00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,858 You could come over, hang out, 458 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,260 sit on the floor with Lark, play with her. 459 00:17:10,262 --> 00:17:12,262 I could come in and check on you. 460 00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:13,497 So, like, babysit? 461 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,899 Well, no, you-you pay a babysitter. 462 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,801 But just-just stay united. 463 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:19,336 Okay, fine. 464 00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:22,523 I don't trust this bitch. 465 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:25,709 Mm? 466 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,611 Hi. 467 00:17:27,626 --> 00:17:29,544 - Where are you going? - Nowhere. 468 00:17:29,545 --> 00:17:31,354 - Nowhere, huh? - Nope. 469 00:17:31,375 --> 00:17:35,120 - I was just going to the horse show. - Mmm. 470 00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:36,787 She was going to movie night! 471 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:39,062 And you came over to stop her? 472 00:17:39,087 --> 00:17:41,125 Well, kind of. She called, said something 473 00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:43,865 about Chinese food, so I just hung up and rushed over here. 474 00:17:43,890 --> 00:17:46,263 Dumpling House won't deliver to me anymore. 475 00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:48,232 The story is long. 476 00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,433 You want to hear it? 477 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:50,833 No. 478 00:17:53,612 --> 00:17:55,572 Oh, this is so stupid, you guys. 479 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,041 We're doing the same thing here 480 00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,776 that we would be doing over there. 481 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,145 Okay, you're right. Let's go over. 482 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,180 No. We are not going over. 483 00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:04,948 It's the principle, okay? 484 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:06,183 It is weird that I spend more time 485 00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:07,818 with them than I do my own family. 486 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,853 Why don't you spend more time with your family? 487 00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,755 Because the Shorts are better than my family. 488 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,923 They enjoy 489 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,005 each other's company, 490 00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:16,326 they forgive each other without holding grudges. 491 00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:18,562 When they ask how your day was, it's not a trap. 492 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,764 It's all very dysfunctional. 493 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,434 I am understanding so much more about you now. 494 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,835 No, you're not. 495 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,070 Okay, I'm not. 496 00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:27,237 We need to take a vote. 497 00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:29,361 Allow me to recap the voting rules. 498 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:30,918 Rule number one: no rules. 499 00:18:30,959 --> 00:18:32,458 - Rule number two... - Wait. Look-look-look. 500 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,293 - We're just gonna stay here. - Okay. 501 00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,250 I'm gonna run to the bathroom. 502 00:18:34,251 --> 00:18:35,956 We're gonna drink some wine, we're gonna hunker down 503 00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,681 for the night. It's gonna be so fun. 504 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,183 Okay. 505 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,636 Sorry, I ate all the noodles. 506 00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,494 She's been in there kind of a long time, huh? 507 00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:52,629 Maybe she took all her clothes off to go to the bathroom. 508 00:18:52,654 --> 00:18:55,255 It's just taking a long time to put them back on. 509 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,568 Some people do that. 510 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,572 Colleen? 511 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,308 You wearing clothes? 512 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,878 Oh, come on. Ugh. 513 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,246 She went out the window. 514 00:19:09,505 --> 00:19:12,339 Do you believe that, Tim? 515 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,341 Tim? 516 00:19:16,792 --> 00:19:19,251 It's like when I was robbin' convenience stores. 517 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,084 I love him so much. 518 00:19:21,085 --> 00:19:22,493 Hi! 519 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,420 Sorry, I locked myself in my own car 520 00:19:24,422 --> 00:19:25,621 in the driveway... oops. 521 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:26,989 Well, good, you made it. 522 00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:28,726 Yes, I wouldn't miss it for the world. 523 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,318 Feliz Adidas, Colleen. 524 00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:33,917 - Say gracias. - Gracias. 525 00:19:33,918 --> 00:19:35,335 - Yup. - Oh! 526 00:19:35,366 --> 00:19:36,832 You guys'll never guess what happened. 527 00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:39,301 I was cooking myself this really healthy meal 528 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,403 of fruits and vegetables and whole grains and... 529 00:19:41,405 --> 00:19:43,072 Nobody cares. Sit down. 530 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,082 - Okay. - Hey, babe. 531 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,416 - Aw. - Hi, babe. 532 00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:47,834 - I'm so glad that you're here. - Oh. 533 00:19:47,835 --> 00:19:50,376 - Oh, you smell like Chinese food. - Shh. 534 00:19:50,414 --> 00:19:53,519 I guess, uh, Jen still has a headache. 535 00:19:53,683 --> 00:19:55,351 That's too bad. 536 00:19:55,353 --> 00:19:58,387 Movie's starting. Everybody shut up. 537 00:19:58,389 --> 00:19:59,788 Lookee here, young sportsman. 538 00:19:59,790 --> 00:20:01,423 That there's the kitchen area, 539 00:20:01,425 --> 00:20:03,035 where Ma and Pa chow down. 540 00:20:03,060 --> 00:20:05,871 This here's the TV. Two hours a day maximum, 541 00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:07,526 either-either educational 542 00:20:07,542 --> 00:20:08,705 or football so as, you know, 543 00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:10,099 you don't ruin your appreciation 544 00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:11,584 of the finer things. 545 00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:14,679 What, are you kidding? 546 00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:18,251 - We got us a family here. - Hi. 547 00:20:18,275 --> 00:20:19,441 Hi, Mommy! 548 00:20:19,443 --> 00:20:20,809 I said shut up. 549 00:20:20,811 --> 00:20:21,777 Okay. 550 00:20:22,334 --> 00:20:24,543 I'm glad your headache is gone. 551 00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:26,582 I realized headaches aren't so bad, 552 00:20:26,607 --> 00:20:29,284 even if they're twice a week. 553 00:20:29,286 --> 00:20:30,941 He's a little outlaw. 554 00:20:30,966 --> 00:20:32,287 Outlaws! 555 00:20:32,289 --> 00:20:34,356 I said no talking. Now I got to rewind 556 00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,657 the VHS, and it's gonna 557 00:20:35,659 --> 00:20:37,259 take about 20 minutes. 558 00:20:38,334 --> 00:20:39,918 - Well, should we play a game? - Ooh! 559 00:20:39,919 --> 00:20:42,898 Or should we have a separate game night for that? 560 00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:45,458 Yes! 561 00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:48,834 - We could host it at our place. - Oh, great!