1
00:00:01,490 --> 00:00:03,857
? This little light of mine ?

2
00:00:03,859 --> 00:00:05,926
? I'm gonna let it shine ?

3
00:00:05,928 --> 00:00:08,598
? Let it shine, let it shine ?

4
00:00:08,601 --> 00:00:10,289
? Let it shine ?

5
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:14,768
? Everywhere I go ?

6
00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:17,161
? I'm gonna let it shine ?

7
00:00:17,164 --> 00:00:19,902
? Everywhere I go ?

8
00:00:19,905 --> 00:00:21,317
? I'm gonna let it shine... ?

9
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,543
Well, I am happy to
report that my potato salad

10
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,314
is once again the hit of the potluck.

11
00:00:27,316 --> 00:00:28,987
- That's great, honey.
- I feel bad

12
00:00:28,990 --> 00:00:30,216
for Pam Staples.

13
00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:33,015
No one's touching her potato salad.

14
00:00:33,018 --> 00:00:35,956
If you feel bad, then
why are you smiling?

15
00:00:35,958 --> 00:00:38,890
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

16
00:00:39,924 --> 00:00:41,794
Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?

17
00:00:41,797 --> 00:00:43,664
- Pastor Jeff.
- Thank you, Pastor Jeff.

18
00:00:43,666 --> 00:00:45,365
Y'all remember my wife Selena.

19
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:46,667
- Hi, Selena.
- Oh, yeah.

20
00:00:46,669 --> 00:00:47,953
ÿQué tal?

21
00:00:47,956 --> 00:00:49,269
You're married to her?

22
00:00:49,271 --> 00:00:51,238
Why, yes, I am.

23
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,523
You can think it... You
don't need to say it.

24
00:00:53,526 --> 00:00:55,641
How are you liking Medford, Selena?

25
00:00:55,644 --> 00:00:58,378
ÿCómo te gusta Medford?

26
00:00:59,242 --> 00:01:02,081
_

27
00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,679
She likes it fine.

28
00:01:03,682 --> 00:01:04,748
Oh.

29
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,285
_

30
00:01:06,288 --> 00:01:09,256
She needs to use the little girls' room.

31
00:01:09,258 --> 00:01:11,358
Mary, could I talk to you for a second?

32
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,592
Sure.

33
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,861
Don't worry. I'll bring her right back.

34
00:01:14,863 --> 00:01:16,730
Wasn't worried, but okay.

35
00:01:16,732 --> 00:01:18,665
Okay.

36
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,637
His Spanish is terrible.

37
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,302
That's not what she said at all.

38
00:01:22,304 --> 00:01:23,403
Oh.

39
00:01:23,405 --> 00:01:25,906
I don't know if you've heard,

40
00:01:25,908 --> 00:01:27,254
but our church secretary,

41
00:01:27,257 --> 00:01:29,508
Elizabeth Sohinki, is
currently seeking treatment

42
00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:31,812
for a little problem
with... shall we say...

43
00:01:31,814 --> 00:01:33,613
Under-the-counter medications.

44
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,682
Oh. So that rumor's true.

45
00:01:35,684 --> 00:01:36,850
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, she did

46
00:01:36,852 --> 00:01:38,773
always seem extremely alert.

47
00:01:38,776 --> 00:01:40,820
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,

48
00:01:40,823 --> 00:01:43,190
we need someone to step
in and fill the position.

49
00:01:43,192 --> 00:01:45,292
I was wondering if
you might consider it.

50
00:01:46,695 --> 00:01:48,195
It's not just bookkeeping.

51
00:01:48,197 --> 00:01:51,253
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues... you know,

52
00:01:51,256 --> 00:01:53,122
plumbing, electric, what have you.

53
00:01:53,125 --> 00:01:56,427
And I'd also head the planning committee

54
00:01:56,430 --> 00:01:57,859
for all the social events,

55
00:01:57,862 --> 00:01:59,832
which, of course,
includes the big three:

56
00:01:59,835 --> 00:02:01,614
baptisms, weddings, funerals.

57
00:02:01,617 --> 00:02:04,911
And here is the cherry on top.

58
00:02:04,913 --> 00:02:08,682
The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...

59
00:02:08,684 --> 00:02:10,517
"Be an organ donor, give
your heart to Jesus"?

60
00:02:10,519 --> 00:02:11,751
Exactly.

61
00:02:11,753 --> 00:02:14,028
Guess whose job it
would be to write those.

62
00:02:14,031 --> 00:02:15,455
Yours.

63
00:02:15,457 --> 00:02:17,490
Already working on a couple.

64
00:02:17,492 --> 00:02:18,925
Listen to this.

65
00:02:21,039 --> 00:02:25,484
"The best vitamin for
a Christian is B1."

66
00:02:27,469 --> 00:02:29,002
What?

67
00:02:30,038 --> 00:02:31,438
You know, be one.

68
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:32,806
Like be a Christian.

69
00:02:32,808 --> 00:02:35,129
And also B1 the vitamin.

70
00:02:35,132 --> 00:02:37,570
Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.

71
00:02:37,573 --> 00:02:39,328
Yeah. Might be a thinker.

72
00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:42,099
But there's a lot more
where that came from.

73
00:02:43,570 --> 00:02:45,118
What about the twins?

74
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,787
Well, I'll still get 'em
off to school every day.

75
00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:49,567
And when they get home,

76
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,325
Mom can keep an eye
on 'em till I get back.

77
00:02:52,327 --> 00:02:53,710
Think she'll go for it?

78
00:02:53,713 --> 00:02:56,113
Are you kidding? She
loves 'em like crazy.

79
00:02:56,116 --> 00:02:57,497
Fat chance.

80
00:02:57,499 --> 00:02:58,835
Oh, come on.

81
00:02:58,838 --> 00:03:02,301
You come on. I'm in
the prime of my life.

82
00:03:02,304 --> 00:03:05,257
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing

83
00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:06,929
and my bowling league.

84
00:03:06,932 --> 00:03:08,741
But you love your grandchildren.

85
00:03:08,744 --> 00:03:11,278
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it

86
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,476
from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.

87
00:03:13,479 --> 00:03:15,320
Well, I'm very disappointed.

88
00:03:15,323 --> 00:03:16,822
And I'm fine with that.

89
00:03:16,825 --> 00:03:18,458
Why don't you just get a babysitter?

90
00:03:18,461 --> 00:03:21,046
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.

91
00:03:21,049 --> 00:03:21,952
Oh, yeah, right.

92
00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:23,539
All right, let's think about it.

93
00:03:23,542 --> 00:03:24,941
Georgie.

94
00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:26,143
Football practice.

95
00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:28,193
- And I don't trust him when I'm home.
- Oh.

96
00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:31,023
Okay, now, what are
we talking about here?

97
00:03:31,026 --> 00:03:34,765
Sheldon is intelligent and responsible,

98
00:03:34,768 --> 00:03:38,637
and Missy... is his sister.

99
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,473
I think they'll be fine home alone

100
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:42,909
all by themselves for a
couple hours after school.

101
00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:44,890
- You think?
- I do.

102
00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,414
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.

103
00:03:47,416 --> 00:03:49,148
These kids today are so coddled,

104
00:03:49,151 --> 00:03:51,151
I honestly think y'all are raising

105
00:03:51,153 --> 00:03:53,753
a whole generation of sissies.

106
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,690
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?

107
00:03:56,692 --> 00:03:58,405
Yes.

108
00:04:11,796 --> 00:04:18,046
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --

109
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,452
Hi.

110
00:04:22,455 --> 00:04:24,250
How'd it go with your mom?

111
00:04:24,253 --> 00:04:26,186
She's not interested in watching 'em.

112
00:04:26,188 --> 00:04:28,121
Doesn't want to give up her afternoons.

113
00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:30,273
Of course. Sorry.

114
00:04:32,796 --> 00:04:34,694
You know what, it's okay.

115
00:04:34,696 --> 00:04:35,976
The timing wasn't right.

116
00:04:35,979 --> 00:04:38,113
Maybe when the kids are older.

117
00:04:38,116 --> 00:04:40,843
Okay.

118
00:04:43,744 --> 00:04:46,144
I guess I'll go get dinner started.

119
00:04:56,451 --> 00:04:57,751
How about this?

120
00:04:57,753 --> 00:05:00,187
Go ahead and take the job.

121
00:05:00,189 --> 00:05:01,656
Yeah, if it turns out

122
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:03,323
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves

123
00:05:03,325 --> 00:05:05,171
for a couple hours after school,

124
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:08,595
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.

125
00:05:08,597 --> 00:05:09,729
Are you sure about this?

126
00:05:09,731 --> 00:05:11,637
Yeah. Actually, probably good for 'em.

127
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:13,733
Teach 'em a little responsibility.

128
00:05:13,735 --> 00:05:16,136
That's exactly what my mom said.

129
00:05:16,138 --> 00:05:17,871
Really?

130
00:05:17,873 --> 00:05:19,506
Well, I still like the idea.

131
00:05:19,508 --> 00:05:21,906
Mmm.

132
00:05:23,879 --> 00:05:26,279
Thank you, God, for this food

133
00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:28,048
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment

134
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:30,584
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.

135
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:33,353
Amen.

136
00:05:33,355 --> 00:05:34,754
So, kids,

137
00:05:34,756 --> 00:05:37,257
we have a little family
business to discuss.

138
00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:38,859
- You're pregnant?
- No.

139
00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:40,961
- We're getting a puppy?
- No.

140
00:05:40,963 --> 00:05:42,963
I'm not sure I care.

141
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:45,765
Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take

142
00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:47,989
a full-time job at the church.

143
00:05:47,992 --> 00:05:50,531
Well, who's going to take care of us?

144
00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:53,173
Well, nothing will change in the
morning... I'll make breakfast,

145
00:05:53,175 --> 00:05:55,208
take you both to school.
Then, after school,

146
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,528
you'll come home, do your homework,

147
00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:59,114
watch TV, play with your toys

148
00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:01,223
till I come home around 6:00.

149
00:06:01,226 --> 00:06:03,426
Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?

150
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,986
- 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
- George...

151
00:06:05,988 --> 00:06:07,954
You're really gonna
leave these two alone?

152
00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:09,247
Yes.

153
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:11,429
That's a brave choice.

154
00:06:11,432 --> 00:06:13,593
Look, this job is
important to your mother.

155
00:06:13,595 --> 00:06:16,029
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.

156
00:06:16,031 --> 00:06:17,797
I can do that.

157
00:06:17,799 --> 00:06:19,520
Missy?

158
00:06:19,523 --> 00:06:21,531
I'm thinking about it.

159
00:06:21,534 --> 00:06:24,168
Very brave.

160
00:06:29,292 --> 00:06:31,381
_

161
00:06:31,384 --> 00:06:33,837
Okay, let's go over it one more time.

162
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,239
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.

163
00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:40,176
There's after-school
snacks in the fridge.

164
00:06:40,178 --> 00:06:42,205
One for each of you.

165
00:06:43,244 --> 00:06:46,215
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.

166
00:06:46,217 --> 00:06:48,317
First aid kit is in the hall closet.

167
00:06:48,319 --> 00:06:50,820
And you won't be needing it,

168
00:06:50,822 --> 00:06:54,557
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.

169
00:06:54,559 --> 00:06:56,225
Ooh, that looks fun.

170
00:06:56,227 --> 00:06:59,662
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.

171
00:06:59,664 --> 00:07:02,665
It's like she can read my mind.

172
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,131
Don't worry, Mom.

173
00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:05,634
We'll make you proud.

174
00:07:05,636 --> 00:07:07,072
I know you will, baby.

175
00:07:07,075 --> 00:07:09,003
All set for your first day?

176
00:07:09,006 --> 00:07:10,624
- I believe I am.
- Mm.

177
00:07:10,627 --> 00:07:11,807
- Mwah.
- Mwah.

178
00:07:11,809 --> 00:07:12,875
Go get 'em.

179
00:07:12,877 --> 00:07:15,144
Thanks for waking me up.

180
00:07:15,146 --> 00:07:17,480
I woke you up 40 minutes ago.

181
00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:19,744
Well, you didn't do a very good job.

182
00:07:19,747 --> 00:07:22,056
Bye, y'all.

183
00:07:28,459 --> 00:07:31,697
Okay, yeah. Yeah.

184
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,300
Okay, later.

185
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:37,506
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?

186
00:07:37,509 --> 00:07:40,275
Jeff! You available?!

187
00:07:40,278 --> 00:07:41,504
On the phone.

188
00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:43,400
He's on the phone.

189
00:07:54,051 --> 00:07:57,386
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking

190
00:07:57,388 --> 00:07:59,170
by chewing that nicotine gum.

191
00:07:59,173 --> 00:08:02,291
Got some right here.

192
00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:03,659
So you do.

193
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:04,794
Come on in.

194
00:08:04,796 --> 00:08:06,258
Go on, you heard him.

195
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,732
Thank you.

196
00:08:09,734 --> 00:08:11,167
Hey, hey.

197
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:13,469
Hey, Mare.

198
00:08:13,471 --> 00:08:15,204
Uh, you finding everything you need?

199
00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:16,639
Oh, you bet.

200
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:19,508
So, I've been going over the books,

201
00:08:19,511 --> 00:08:22,084
and I think we have
enough money in our budget

202
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:24,280
to purchase a personal computer

203
00:08:24,282 --> 00:08:26,545
to handle all the church business.

204
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,694
Okay.

205
00:08:28,697 --> 00:08:30,741
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,

206
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:31,945
and I'll-I'll take a look at it.

207
00:08:31,947 --> 00:08:33,030
Of course.

208
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:34,590
That's for your perusal.

209
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,895
Everything okay?

210
00:08:39,897 --> 00:08:41,259
What?

211
00:08:41,262 --> 00:08:43,431
Yeah. Right as rain.

212
00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:44,600
All righty.

213
00:08:44,602 --> 00:08:46,735
Hey, if you have a minute,

214
00:08:46,737 --> 00:08:49,672
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.

215
00:08:49,674 --> 00:08:51,874
Yeah, sure.

216
00:09:03,855 --> 00:09:05,712
So far so good.

217
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,510
Hello?

218
00:09:27,512 --> 00:09:29,712
Anybody?

219
00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:34,142
They weren't kidding.

220
00:09:40,283 --> 00:09:42,758
Maybe I'll just have one little peek.

221
00:09:45,048 --> 00:09:47,319
How come you're not eating your snack?

222
00:09:47,322 --> 00:09:51,267
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.

223
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:53,602
You're like an old person.

224
00:09:53,604 --> 00:09:55,119
Thank you.

225
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:05,748
What's your homework?

226
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:07,268
Non-Euclidean geometry.

227
00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:08,436
How about you?

228
00:10:08,439 --> 00:10:10,805
"Symonyms."

229
00:10:10,808 --> 00:10:12,608
You mean synonyms.

230
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:15,091
I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms."

231
00:10:17,495 --> 00:10:19,205
Did you see that?

232
00:10:19,208 --> 00:10:20,884
Someone's out there.

233
00:10:22,892 --> 00:10:24,859
Oh, no. They're in the backyard.

234
00:10:24,862 --> 00:10:26,461
What do we do?

235
00:10:28,472 --> 00:10:30,038
Aah!

236
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:45,603
Would one of you please get me a towel?

237
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,073
Why were you sneaking around out there?

238
00:10:53,075 --> 00:10:54,674
Yeah, you scared us.

239
00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:57,010
I was checking up on you two.

240
00:10:57,012 --> 00:11:00,013
And in case you're
wondering, you scared me back.

241
00:11:00,015 --> 00:11:01,781
Well, why didn't you knock?

242
00:11:01,783 --> 00:11:05,385
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.

243
00:11:05,387 --> 00:11:07,119
And you don't think we can.

244
00:11:07,122 --> 00:11:08,188
Of course I do.

245
00:11:08,191 --> 00:11:09,722
I'm the one who told your mother

246
00:11:09,725 --> 00:11:11,958
that you were fine by
yourselves in the first place.

247
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,294
Then why were you checking up on us?

248
00:11:14,296 --> 00:11:16,291
That's called being two-faced.

249
00:11:16,294 --> 00:11:17,814
We'll be okay on our own.

250
00:11:17,817 --> 00:11:20,186
Yeah, we need to prove we can do this.

251
00:11:20,189 --> 00:11:22,135
All right.

252
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:24,271
I respect that.

253
00:11:24,273 --> 00:11:28,642
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.

254
00:11:28,645 --> 00:11:30,465
Really? I'm telling everyone.

255
00:11:30,468 --> 00:11:32,535
It was hilarious.

256
00:11:32,538 --> 00:11:35,672
I'm going bowling.

257
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:42,122
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.

258
00:11:42,124 --> 00:11:43,861
That's when it is wonderful.

259
00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:46,065
All the problems started
once we got married.

260
00:11:46,068 --> 00:11:48,794
Well, marriage will do
that to a relationship.

261
00:11:48,797 --> 00:11:50,405
I-I got Selena a credit card

262
00:11:50,408 --> 00:11:52,587
to make small purchases for the house.

263
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:55,691
You know... coffee maker, DustBuster.

264
00:11:55,694 --> 00:11:57,111
You know what she did?

265
00:11:57,114 --> 00:11:58,994
She went to that Sharper Image store

266
00:11:58,997 --> 00:12:00,767
and she bought a massage chair.

267
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:03,107
Oh, I sat in one of those at the mall.

268
00:12:03,110 --> 00:12:04,072
It was terrific.

269
00:12:04,075 --> 00:12:05,408
It's $2,000.

270
00:12:05,411 --> 00:12:08,812
Oh. Well, seeing as I
know how much you make,

271
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,217
you can't afford that.

272
00:12:10,219 --> 00:12:12,718
I... uh-uh.

273
00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,721
Of all the afflictions

274
00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:18,397
that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.

275
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,420
Beyond scraped knees and paper cuts,

276
00:12:21,423 --> 00:12:25,765
nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world

277
00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,627
like a splinter.

278
00:12:27,630 --> 00:12:32,505
No!

279
00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:35,509
Tell me why you were
pretending to have amnesia.

280
00:12:35,511 --> 00:12:37,210
I've got a splinter!

281
00:12:37,212 --> 00:12:38,720
So?

282
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:39,979
So, it's an emergency!

283
00:12:39,982 --> 00:12:41,081
Call Meemaw!

284
00:12:41,083 --> 00:12:42,142
Oh, calm down.

285
00:12:42,145 --> 00:12:44,784
- We can take care of this.
- No, we can't!

286
00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:47,804
Sheldon, if we can't
handle a little splinter,

287
00:12:47,807 --> 00:12:50,108
they're never gonna
leave us alone again.

288
00:12:50,111 --> 00:12:51,728
You're right.

289
00:12:51,731 --> 00:12:53,093
So, what do we do?

290
00:12:53,095 --> 00:12:54,603
Let me see it.

291
00:12:58,150 --> 00:13:00,280
Oh, boy. That's a deep one.

292
00:13:00,283 --> 00:13:02,694
Hey, it's throbbing really bad.

293
00:13:02,697 --> 00:13:04,538
Mom would take it out with tweezers.

294
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,706
Well, where would we find tweezers?

295
00:13:06,708 --> 00:13:08,408
Let's see what we got.

296
00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:09,764
Band-Aids...

297
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:11,478
cotton balls.

298
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,596
What's "gowz"?

299
00:13:13,599 --> 00:13:15,866
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that

300
00:13:15,869 --> 00:13:17,551
is not filling me with hope.

301
00:13:18,820 --> 00:13:21,188
Where would Mom keep the tweezers?

302
00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,723
- Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters.
- No.

303
00:13:23,725 --> 00:13:26,326
No needles. Anything but needles.

304
00:13:26,328 --> 00:13:29,162
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.

305
00:13:29,164 --> 00:13:30,964
She plucks her eyebrows with them.

306
00:13:30,966 --> 00:13:33,541
And sometimes her mustache.

307
00:13:39,408 --> 00:13:40,774
Anything?

308
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:41,975
Nope.

309
00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:43,610
Wait.

310
00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:45,212
Maybe they're in her room.

311
00:13:45,214 --> 00:13:47,681
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.

312
00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:50,217
Want me to get the needle?

313
00:13:52,141 --> 00:13:54,334
Let's make this quick.

314
00:13:54,337 --> 00:13:55,989
Why are you whispering?

315
00:13:55,991 --> 00:13:58,425
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.

316
00:13:58,427 --> 00:13:59,459
I wouldn't know.

317
00:13:59,461 --> 00:14:01,087
I'm naughty all the time.

318
00:14:09,204 --> 00:14:11,204
You're really not coming in?

319
00:14:11,206 --> 00:14:13,322
No. But you're doing great.

320
00:14:18,845 --> 00:14:20,580
What's wrong?

321
00:14:20,582 --> 00:14:22,616
This really is naughty.

322
00:14:22,618 --> 00:14:24,451
I told you.

323
00:14:28,957 --> 00:14:30,423
I don't see anything.

324
00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:32,234
There's just a Bible and a flashlight.

325
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,895
What do I do?

326
00:14:35,897 --> 00:14:38,150
Answer it but sound calm.

327
00:14:41,503 --> 00:14:42,836
Hello.

328
00:14:42,838 --> 00:14:43,970
Hey, it's Dad.

329
00:14:43,972 --> 00:14:45,071
How you guys doing?

330
00:14:45,073 --> 00:14:46,273
We're great.

331
00:14:46,275 --> 00:14:47,774
Glad to hear it.

332
00:14:47,776 --> 00:14:49,233
I'm watching TV,

333
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,181
and Sheldon's reading quietly.

334
00:14:52,219 --> 00:14:53,446
I knew you could handle this.

335
00:14:53,448 --> 00:14:55,249
- I'm proud of you.
- You know what?

336
00:14:55,252 --> 00:14:56,816
I'm proud of us, too.

337
00:14:56,818 --> 00:14:58,551
Uh... Okay, baby doll,

338
00:14:58,553 --> 00:14:59,853
I'll be home in a couple hours.

339
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,888
Stay out all night. We got this.

340
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:04,424
Wha... Love you, too.

341
00:15:06,662 --> 00:15:08,569
That was intense.

342
00:15:08,572 --> 00:15:11,331
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.

343
00:15:12,901 --> 00:15:14,668
You answer it this time.

344
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:17,003
I can't, I'm supposed
to be reading quietly.

345
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,438
Answer it, Sheldon.

346
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,207
Well, I'm not going in there.

347
00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:23,584
Hello. Cooper residence.

348
00:15:23,587 --> 00:15:25,045
Sheldon speaking.

349
00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:26,413
Hey, Shelly.

350
00:15:26,415 --> 00:15:27,580
Oh, hello, Mom.

351
00:15:27,582 --> 00:15:29,382
How's your day going?

352
00:15:33,155 --> 00:15:38,558
Shelly? Shelly? You there?

353
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,527
Yes, I'm here.

354
00:15:40,529 --> 00:15:42,429
She wants to know how my day's going.

355
00:15:42,431 --> 00:15:43,596
Say it's going good.

356
00:15:43,598 --> 00:15:44,631
I can't say that.

357
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:45,444
Why not?

358
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:46,368
It's bad grammar.

359
00:15:46,371 --> 00:15:47,616
How are you supposed to say it?

360
00:15:47,619 --> 00:15:48,968
"It's going well."

361
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,428
Oh, that's nice.

362
00:15:50,431 --> 00:15:52,280
I've got to get back to work,

363
00:15:52,283 --> 00:15:55,642
but I love you and miss you very much.

364
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:57,377
Okay.

365
00:15:57,379 --> 00:16:00,439
I handled that really well.

366
00:16:03,552 --> 00:16:04,651
Got a minute?

367
00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:06,619
Sure, come on in.

368
00:16:06,621 --> 00:16:09,048
I just wanted to apologize.

369
00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:12,436
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.

370
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,127
Here it is, your first day and all.

371
00:16:14,129 --> 00:16:15,161
Oh, that's fine.

372
00:16:15,163 --> 00:16:16,627
Always happy to lend an ear.

373
00:16:16,630 --> 00:16:18,764
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.

374
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:21,212
Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.

375
00:16:21,215 --> 00:16:23,233
This morning, while
Selena was in the shower,

376
00:16:23,236 --> 00:16:25,638
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.

377
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,407
- Oh, my.
- Now,

378
00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:30,491
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?

379
00:16:30,494 --> 00:16:33,213
You know, saving us from
bankruptcy and whatnot?

380
00:16:33,215 --> 00:16:37,016
Wow. Um, yeah, that's complicated.

381
00:16:37,018 --> 00:16:40,592
Um... going through her
purse... Probably wrong,

382
00:16:40,595 --> 00:16:43,055
but on the other hand...

383
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:44,491
well, there is no other hand.

384
00:16:44,493 --> 00:16:46,103
You can't be doing things like that

385
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,594
and have a healthy marriage.

386
00:16:47,596 --> 00:16:48,995
Why don't you just talk to her?

387
00:16:48,997 --> 00:16:50,964
Explain your financial situation?

388
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,556
That...

389
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:56,970
Oh, we're closing the door now, okay.

390
00:16:56,972 --> 00:17:00,140
That's not so easy.

391
00:17:00,142 --> 00:17:02,409
Because of the language barrier?

392
00:17:02,411 --> 00:17:05,378
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,

393
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:08,581
that I was... well-to-do.

394
00:17:08,583 --> 00:17:11,717
Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that?

395
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,086
You saw her.

396
00:17:13,088 --> 00:17:14,545
Uh, she is the kind of woman

397
00:17:14,548 --> 00:17:17,490
that can make a man do bad things.

398
00:17:17,492 --> 00:17:22,353
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.

399
00:17:23,462 --> 00:17:25,799
Maybe you ought to pray on it.

400
00:17:25,801 --> 00:17:27,434
You're right.

401
00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:30,203
You're absolutely right.

402
00:17:30,205 --> 00:17:31,371
I'll do that now.

403
00:17:31,373 --> 00:17:32,639
I'll do the same.

404
00:17:32,641 --> 00:17:33,807
Thank you.

405
00:17:40,081 --> 00:17:42,452
God, please give me the strength

406
00:17:42,455 --> 00:17:45,452
to not spread this juicy
gossip about Pastor Jeff.

407
00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:46,853
Amen.

408
00:17:48,111 --> 00:17:49,355
What are you doing?

409
00:17:49,357 --> 00:17:52,859
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.

410
00:17:54,396 --> 00:17:55,595
Found 'em.

411
00:17:55,597 --> 00:17:57,124
The tweezers?

412
00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:59,466
Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.

413
00:17:59,468 --> 00:18:01,000
Absolutely not.

414
00:18:01,002 --> 00:18:02,669
Let me at least try.

415
00:18:02,671 --> 00:18:03,703
No.

416
00:18:03,705 --> 00:18:05,371
You're being a baby.

417
00:18:05,373 --> 00:18:07,774
Nothing you can say will change my mind.

418
00:18:07,776 --> 00:18:09,476
What if it gets infected and turns green

419
00:18:09,478 --> 00:18:11,298
and they have to cut it off?

420
00:18:13,013 --> 00:18:15,150
I think it's numb.

421
00:18:15,153 --> 00:18:16,683
Great, put your hand out.

422
00:18:18,954 --> 00:18:21,921
Wait, how do you plan on
sterilizing the needle?

423
00:18:21,923 --> 00:18:24,190
Mom uses a lit match.

424
00:18:24,192 --> 00:18:26,226
We're not allowed to play with matches.

425
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:27,627
What else would work?

426
00:18:27,629 --> 00:18:29,523
Alcohol.

427
00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:39,632
Stick your finger in there.

428
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:40,801
I'll do the needle.

429
00:18:40,804 --> 00:18:44,244
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.

430
00:18:44,247 --> 00:18:45,598
How long till you're sterile?

431
00:18:45,601 --> 00:18:46,494
I don't know,

432
00:18:46,497 --> 00:18:48,063
but I'm getting lightheaded.

433
00:18:50,585 --> 00:18:53,648
No matter what happens, hold still.

434
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,263
I can't do it.

435
00:19:03,265 --> 00:19:05,064
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

436
00:19:05,066 --> 00:19:06,109
Just let me get it.

437
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,067
What if you slip and stab me in the eye?

438
00:19:08,069 --> 00:19:09,569
I'm not gonna slip.

439
00:19:09,571 --> 00:19:11,638
Who always wins when we play...

440
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:13,673
Be right back.

441
00:19:17,945 --> 00:19:21,942
In 1989 the Milton Bradley Company

442
00:19:21,945 --> 00:19:25,018
had dozens of board games on the market,

443
00:19:25,020 --> 00:19:30,323
but only one where you were the doctor.

444
00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:34,750
Operation came complete

445
00:19:34,753 --> 00:19:36,796
with a red light-up nose,

446
00:19:36,798 --> 00:19:40,435
13 plastic body parts
for players to remove

447
00:19:40,438 --> 00:19:45,696
and, most importantly, one
pair of genuine tweezers.

448
00:19:50,855 --> 00:19:54,123
My sister performed a
medical procedure using

449
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:55,868
a children's board game,

450
00:19:55,871 --> 00:19:58,712
while I bravely sat very still.

451
00:20:10,198 --> 00:20:14,477
I guess you could say there
were two heroes that day.

452
00:20:17,702 --> 00:20:19,468
Gee, how do you suppose that happened?

453
00:20:21,196 --> 00:20:23,651
- Hello?
- In here.

454
00:20:23,653 --> 00:20:26,721
Why does the kitchen smell like whiskey?

455
00:20:26,723 --> 00:20:28,743
Ask her.

456
00:20:28,746 --> 00:20:30,545
Oh, dear Lord!

457
00:20:32,305 --> 00:20:34,912
Wait till you hear what I did to Meemaw.

458
00:20:34,915 --> 00:20:37,719
Our show came at number one.

459
00:20:37,722 --> 00:20:41,781
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
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