1
00:00:00,002 --> 00:00:01,870
Hey, Phil.

2
00:00:01,905 --> 00:00:03,203
Jay, where are you? What are you doing?

3
00:00:03,272 --> 00:00:06,433
- I'm just walking into my house.
- Stop! Don't you take another step!

4
00:00:06,468 --> 00:00:07,935
What the hell are you talking about?

5
00:00:07,970 --> 00:00:10,049
Claire just told me your
Valentine's plans for Gloria.

6
00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:11,274
You're walking into a buzz saw!

7
00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,340
Get in.

8
00:00:18,279 --> 00:00:19,878
What am I looking at here?

9
00:00:19,947 --> 00:00:21,085
- Nothing.
- Oh, it's a role-playing thing

10
00:00:21,110 --> 00:00:23,155
we do on Valentine's.
It bumps the lovemaking up a notch.

11
00:00:23,180 --> 00:00:25,450
- Phil, why?
- Gloria is mad at you.

12
00:00:25,554 --> 00:00:27,053
If you walk in there
with some lame gift,

13
00:00:27,122 --> 00:00:29,089
she will bite your head
right off, mister.

14
00:00:29,157 --> 00:00:31,524
Well, you worried for nothing.
I bought her a nice cookie,

15
00:00:31,593 --> 00:00:33,994
and the biggest Mylar balloon
they sold at the grocery store.

16
00:00:34,062 --> 00:00:35,896
Wake up, man! You're losing her!

17
00:00:35,964 --> 00:00:38,732
- When did you talk to Gloria?
- This afternoon.

18
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,734
I'm just taking Claire up
to the overlook on Mulholland

19
00:00:40,802 --> 00:00:42,636
for a little old-school make-out sesh.

20
00:00:42,704 --> 00:00:43,937
Oh, Phil.

21
00:00:44,006 --> 00:00:46,373
You're so good at Valentine things...

22
00:00:46,441 --> 00:00:49,876
unlike some ungrateful, selfish men

23
00:00:49,945 --> 00:00:53,546
that don't appreciate women!

24
00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:54,681
You need to step it up tonight.

25
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,815
How?

26
00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,684
By dressing up in costumes like weirdos?

27
00:00:57,753 --> 00:00:59,419
It's not weird, Dad. It's fun.

28
00:00:59,488 --> 00:01:01,454
Yeah. Tonight, we get to be 17 again,

29
00:01:01,523 --> 00:01:02,722
when we were just a couple of innocent,

30
00:01:02,791 --> 00:01:04,824
wide-eyed virgins.

31
00:01:04,893 --> 00:01:06,126
Shut up.

32
00:01:06,194 --> 00:01:07,627
I'm not doing it.

33
00:01:07,696 --> 00:01:10,063
Today, when Gloria found out
what we were doing, she said,

34
00:01:10,132 --> 00:01:11,798
"Damn it, Phil.
You are so good at Valentine's.

35
00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:13,566
I wish Jay was as sexy as you."

36
00:01:13,635 --> 00:01:14,668
She never said that.

37
00:01:14,736 --> 00:01:15,769
I'm paraphrasing.

38
00:01:15,835 --> 00:01:16,836
Okay, call Gloria,

39
00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:18,038
tell her to meet you at a hotel bar,

40
00:01:18,106 --> 00:01:20,807
and then you show up
as some romantic character.

41
00:01:20,876 --> 00:01:22,309
- Who would I be?
- Anybody.

42
00:01:22,377 --> 00:01:24,044
Think of the most exotic person you can.

43
00:01:24,112 --> 00:01:26,680
General Eisenhower,
the father of the American freeway.

44
00:01:26,748 --> 00:01:28,848
You're gonna want to think
a little sexier than that.

45
00:01:28,917 --> 00:01:30,951
You have not seen the right photos.

46
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:42,247
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

47
00:01:44,933 --> 00:01:46,699
What are you doing? I thought
he was taking you out to dinner.

48
00:01:46,768 --> 00:01:49,168
I'm pre-eating
so I don't look like a pig.

49
00:01:49,237 --> 00:01:50,769
Oh, please tell me
you don't eat on dates.

50
00:01:50,838 --> 00:01:52,304
Who's the lucky guy?

51
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:55,140
Oh, this professor from Alex's college.

52
00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:57,176
Normally, I wouldn't go out
with a guy like that,

53
00:01:57,245 --> 00:01:59,111
but there's something about him.

54
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:01,714
"Something about him"? He's a genius.

55
00:02:01,782 --> 00:02:03,949
He's one of the most respected
minds on campus,

56
00:02:04,018 --> 00:02:05,351
who also happens to look like
the protagonist

57
00:02:05,419 --> 00:02:06,919
from a Jane Austen novel.

58
00:02:06,988 --> 00:02:08,854
He's totally out of your league.

59
00:02:08,923 --> 00:02:10,522
Oh, well, now you're being crazy.

60
00:02:10,591 --> 00:02:11,857
Are you into him or something?

61
00:02:11,926 --> 00:02:13,325
No! I'm just genuinely concerned

62
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,394
you're going to embarrass
yourself or me.

63
00:02:15,463 --> 00:02:17,830
At least look up the difference
between astrology and astronomy.

64
00:02:17,899 --> 00:02:19,098
Okay, alls I know is,

65
00:02:19,166 --> 00:02:21,367
is that you're being
a real Capricorn right now.

66
00:02:21,435 --> 00:02:24,036
The sun revolves around the Earth,
and not you.

67
00:02:25,706 --> 00:02:27,572
I cannot believe we got
into this restaurant.

68
00:02:27,583 --> 00:02:28,634
I know. Oh, you know what?

69
00:02:28,643 --> 00:02:30,743
Let's take a picture and use Facebook
the way it was intended.

70
00:02:30,811 --> 00:02:32,978
Oh, to find out how racist
our high-school friends are?

71
00:02:33,047 --> 00:02:35,948
No, to make people in our lives
feel worse about their lives.

72
00:02:36,017 --> 00:02:37,516
Hey!

73
00:02:37,578 --> 00:02:38,651
Gentlemen.

74
00:02:38,719 --> 00:02:40,185
Your table's being set up right now.

75
00:02:40,254 --> 00:02:41,887
Okay.

76
00:02:41,956 --> 00:02:43,501
- Oh, my G... No.
- What?

77
00:02:43,536 --> 00:02:44,957
- Th-That's Luke.
- No. We ca...

78
00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,558
- No, we can't sit next to...
- We can't sit there. I'm s...

79
00:02:46,627 --> 00:02:47,927
Can we have a...
Can we have a different table?

80
00:02:47,995 --> 00:02:49,595
- I'm sorry, not tonight.
- Um...

81
00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:52,665
If you guys don't want it,
I have 10 other people who do.

82
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:54,433
Okay. You know what?

83
00:02:54,502 --> 00:02:56,235
Tonight was supposed to be
a romantic night.

84
00:02:56,304 --> 00:02:57,469
I-I don't want to watch him

85
00:02:57,538 --> 00:03:00,439
make his sweaty moves
on his conquest of the week.

86
00:03:00,508 --> 00:03:02,708
And some of them buy it.
Under what gas leak is

87
00:03:02,777 --> 00:03:04,677
he finding these brain-dead bimbos?

88
00:03:04,745 --> 00:03:06,445
And have you heard how mean he's gotten?

89
00:03:06,514 --> 00:03:07,880
The other day, he called us "catty."

90
00:03:07,949 --> 00:03:09,214
- He called us catty?
- Yeah.

91
00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,816
You sure he wasn't talking
about the dead cat on his head

92
00:03:10,885 --> 00:03:12,351
- he calls a haircut?
- Oh, my...

93
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:13,786
Hey, guys!

94
00:03:13,854 --> 00:03:15,854
- Hi!
- Hey, Luke! What a coincidence.

95
00:03:15,923 --> 00:03:18,390
I think it's nice that we're helping out

96
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:19,825
Dad and Gloria tonight.

97
00:03:19,894 --> 00:03:20,993
I know. I'm just a little bummed

98
00:03:21,062 --> 00:03:22,928
that we're stuck here, watching Joe,

99
00:03:22,997 --> 00:03:25,164
when we could be messing around
in a Trans Am.

100
00:03:25,232 --> 00:03:29,001
Or... did we just
take it up a notch, huh?

101
00:03:29,070 --> 00:03:31,603
I'm the foxy babysitter.
The kid's asleep.

102
00:03:31,672 --> 00:03:33,439
You are the foxy bad boy

103
00:03:33,507 --> 00:03:36,075
who sneaks over
with some wine coolers...

104
00:03:36,143 --> 00:03:37,743
Oh, radical.

105
00:03:37,812 --> 00:03:40,179
Now that I'm six, I like girls,

106
00:03:40,247 --> 00:03:42,915
but I love two girls...

107
00:03:42,984 --> 00:03:45,217
The Little Mermaid and Claire.

108
00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:50,756
Oh. Joe. W-What are you doing up?

109
00:03:50,825 --> 00:03:53,692
Hello, Claire. I made this for you.

110
00:03:53,761 --> 00:03:55,027
Oh, my goodness.

111
00:03:55,096 --> 00:03:57,396
Look, it's a Valentine.

112
00:03:57,465 --> 00:03:59,498
It's two love bugs.

113
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:01,200
Aww.

114
00:04:01,268 --> 00:04:02,568
Two love bugs.

115
00:04:02,636 --> 00:04:04,269
Three's a crowd.

116
00:04:04,338 --> 00:04:05,738
Hmm.

117
00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:12,044
Hey, how can I help you?

118
00:04:12,113 --> 00:04:14,646
I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman.

119
00:04:14,715 --> 00:04:18,517
Life has tried to break me,
but it has only teach me.

120
00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:20,419
So, you want a drink?

121
00:04:20,488 --> 00:04:23,389
The lady will have Campari and soda.

122
00:04:23,457 --> 00:04:24,990
Hello, sir.

123
00:04:25,059 --> 00:04:26,925
I have never had that drink.

124
00:04:26,994 --> 00:04:29,328
Well, no one "Camparis" to you.

125
00:04:29,397 --> 00:04:31,397
Very clever.

126
00:04:31,465 --> 00:04:33,599
I am Gigi DeLaroca, businesswoman.

127
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,601
I am Raoul Matadore.

128
00:04:35,669 --> 00:04:37,002
I own this hotel. May I?

129
00:04:37,071 --> 00:04:38,971
Of course, Mr. Matadore.

130
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:40,733
Like Andy Garcia in "Ocean's Eleven."

131
00:04:40,741 --> 00:04:41,774
I don't think you have to explain.

132
00:04:41,842 --> 00:04:43,108
Right. Um, you talk.

133
00:04:43,177 --> 00:04:45,010
No, I mean, um... Thank you.

134
00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:46,645
Tell me about you.

135
00:04:46,714 --> 00:04:48,947
What business are you in? Bueno.

136
00:04:49,016 --> 00:04:50,215
Well, let's just say,

137
00:04:50,284 --> 00:04:53,018
I'm just a lady that works
in the evening.

138
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:55,287
But I am not available to any man.

139
00:04:55,356 --> 00:04:57,990
So charm me, Mr. Matadore.

140
00:04:58,059 --> 00:04:59,625
This hotel...

141
00:04:59,693 --> 00:05:02,127
has the finest closets in all the land.

142
00:05:02,196 --> 00:05:05,864
We have lighted rods
and soft-close doors.

143
00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:07,399
I was once married to a man

144
00:05:07,468 --> 00:05:10,035
that endlessly talked about closet.

145
00:05:10,104 --> 00:05:12,204
You're boring me very much.

146
00:05:12,273 --> 00:05:13,472
Okay, well, um...

147
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:16,141
Um...

148
00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:17,943
I need one secondo, huh?

149
00:05:18,012 --> 00:05:19,678
Hotel businesso, huh?

150
00:05:19,747 --> 00:05:20,846
Bueno.

151
00:05:22,049 --> 00:05:23,682
Mmm.

152
00:05:25,886 --> 00:05:26,919
Oh, my goodness.

153
00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:28,454
The waitress... She left a menu here.

154
00:05:28,522 --> 00:05:29,688
Now, I'm wondering
if we should have got...

155
00:05:29,757 --> 00:05:32,958
Oh, my God! Where's his date?
Do you think he got stood up?

156
00:05:33,027 --> 00:05:34,726
- Let me see that.
- Right here.

157
00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:36,829
It's so embarrassing.
What do we even say?

158
00:05:36,897 --> 00:05:39,965
They're not soundproof menus.
Yeah. She's standing me up.

159
00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:41,467
Women are impossible, you know?

160
00:05:41,535 --> 00:05:42,535
For us, they are.

161
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,369
Well, now I made it work once,

162
00:05:44,438 --> 00:05:47,039
although there was a-a Rob Lowe
poster behind her.

163
00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,340
You know what? I say to heck to heck

164
00:05:48,409 --> 00:05:49,541
- with this gal.
- Mm-hmm.

165
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,477
- Get back out there, go to a bar!
- Yes!

166
00:05:51,545 --> 00:05:52,845
I hear that.

167
00:05:52,913 --> 00:05:54,446
- A guy like you, great head of hair...
- Yep.

168
00:05:54,515 --> 00:05:56,448
Nah, I'm too depressed.

169
00:05:56,517 --> 00:05:59,318
Besides, I prepaid for my meal.
I guess I'll order.

170
00:05:59,386 --> 00:06:02,154
Just forget I'm here.

171
00:06:02,223 --> 00:06:04,323
Anyway... happy Valentine's Day.

172
00:06:04,391 --> 00:06:05,791
- Thanks.
- You look so handsome.

173
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,826
Ugh! This sucks.

174
00:06:09,898 --> 00:06:12,998
I can't believe I let you talk
me into doing this crap.

175
00:06:13,037 --> 00:06:14,899
- I need help!
- It's okay.

176
00:06:14,968 --> 00:06:16,968
Underneath it all,
it's just you and your wife.

177
00:06:17,036 --> 00:06:18,169
That's the problem.

178
00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:19,904
I don't know how I got her
to begin with.

179
00:06:19,973 --> 00:06:21,839
And I'm starting to feel
if I can't pull this off,

180
00:06:21,908 --> 00:06:24,041
she's gonna figure out
she got duped the first time.

181
00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:26,744
Let me start by saying "thank you"
for being so vulnerable with me.

182
00:06:26,813 --> 00:06:27,878
I hate you.

183
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,680
Also, I'm no expert at this,

184
00:06:29,749 --> 00:06:32,416
but I have a friend here who is.

185
00:06:32,485 --> 00:06:35,386
Clive Bixby here.
How can I make your night sexier?

186
00:06:35,455 --> 00:06:37,421
If I can't role-play with her,
I'm not doin' it with you.

187
00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:38,556
Whatevs, Daddio.

188
00:06:38,625 --> 00:06:40,158
I'm gonna give the phone back to Philip.

189
00:06:40,226 --> 00:06:41,492
Phil here. Listen.

190
00:06:41,561 --> 00:06:43,594
It's all about
commitment and confidence.

191
00:06:43,663 --> 00:06:44,862
What's... What's your character?

192
00:06:44,931 --> 00:06:47,632
Raoul Matadore, hotel owner,
like Andy Garcia...

193
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,967
In "Ocean's Eleven"...
I love this for you!

194
00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:51,435
Did you go with the timepiece?

195
00:06:51,504 --> 00:06:53,504
Yeah, I thought at some moment,
I'd pull it out,

196
00:06:53,573 --> 00:06:54,939
smash it on the bar, and say,

197
00:06:55,008 --> 00:06:57,341
"I want to remember the exact
moment I fell in love."

198
00:06:58,812 --> 00:07:00,044
- I'm an idiot!
- No.

199
00:07:00,113 --> 00:07:02,413
That silence is me picking
my jaw up off the floor.

200
00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:04,382
We're all walking,
and you're flying, mister.

201
00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,550
Seriously? You think so?

202
00:07:05,618 --> 00:07:08,219
1,000%! But don't take it from me.

203
00:07:08,288 --> 00:07:09,420
Clive again.

204
00:07:09,489 --> 00:07:12,156
Mr. Matadore, I tip my turtleneck to ya.

205
00:07:13,326 --> 00:07:14,358
Hello?

206
00:07:14,427 --> 00:07:15,726
All right, no peeking.

207
00:07:15,795 --> 00:07:17,228
Oh, no peeking.

208
00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:19,197
I hope you're not disappointed.

209
00:07:19,265 --> 00:07:22,266
Wow! It's so pretty!

210
00:07:22,335 --> 00:07:23,568
You know what else is pretty?

211
00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:25,236
Oh! Stop.

212
00:07:25,305 --> 00:07:26,337
Oh.

213
00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:27,939
Well, I was going to say "Venus."

214
00:07:28,007 --> 00:07:30,575
But sure, let's go with you.

215
00:07:30,643 --> 00:07:31,709
Come on, have a look.

216
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:34,445
Ooh!

217
00:07:34,514 --> 00:07:36,113
Nope.

218
00:07:36,182 --> 00:07:37,682
- Oh! Okay.
- Yep.

219
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,116
Wow!

220
00:07:39,185 --> 00:07:41,285
Yeah, there's a new moon,
so it's the perfect night

221
00:07:41,354 --> 00:07:43,521
to observe faint star clusters.

222
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:44,789
And... And right in the middle,

223
00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:46,891
there's a variable star
that I discovered.

224
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,793
It's right next to a white dwarf.

225
00:07:48,862 --> 00:07:50,094
Oh, I don't think you're allowed

226
00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:52,063
to say that anymore.

227
00:07:52,131 --> 00:07:53,598
Yes, tricky times we live in.

228
00:07:53,666 --> 00:07:55,333
Wow, this is so cool.

229
00:07:55,401 --> 00:07:57,068
Right. Have a...
Have a think about this...

230
00:07:57,136 --> 00:08:01,539
There is a theory that suggests
the universe is so large

231
00:08:01,608 --> 00:08:05,509
that everything that can happen
is happening all the time.

232
00:08:05,578 --> 00:08:07,345
Do you smoke weed?

233
00:08:07,413 --> 00:08:09,046
Oh. No.

234
00:08:09,115 --> 00:08:11,749
Sor... Sorry, I'm a little
obsessed with space.

235
00:08:11,818 --> 00:08:15,086
I-I built my first Dobsonian telescope
when I was 10.

236
00:08:15,154 --> 00:08:17,054
You made a telescope?

237
00:08:17,123 --> 00:08:20,057
The only thing I've ever made
was an ashtray for my mom

238
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:21,926
that says, "Rub your butt here."

239
00:08:21,995 --> 00:08:23,761
Oh, like cigarette butt.

240
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:24,862
Yeah.

241
00:08:24,931 --> 00:08:27,465
What are you doing next August 27th

242
00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:29,300
at, uh, 8:00 p.m.?

243
00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:31,402
I have no idea. Why?

244
00:08:31,471 --> 00:08:34,338
NASA is giving me an award
for a radiation shield,

245
00:08:34,407 --> 00:08:36,440
- and...
- NASA's giving you an award?

246
00:08:36,509 --> 00:08:38,209
I need a date. There's no pressure.

247
00:08:38,278 --> 00:08:41,412
But it saved the lives
of a bunch of astronauts.

248
00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:43,614
Wow, you've done a lot.

249
00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:47,051
Well, I'm... I'm sure you've had
your share of accomplishments.

250
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,220
Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course.

251
00:08:49,289 --> 00:08:51,389
Let's see. There was, um...

252
00:08:51,457 --> 00:08:52,924
college...

253
00:08:52,992 --> 00:08:54,191
Uh-huh.

254
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,893
Nope. Nope. That is a...

255
00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:57,361
That is a bad road.

256
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,196
Well, uh, uh, okay, so professionally,

257
00:08:59,265 --> 00:09:01,432
I've been kind of sort of
dabbling in, like,

258
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:02,733
a lot of different... Pass.

259
00:09:02,802 --> 00:09:07,238
Um... I-I-I-I once flew
next to the bass player of The Killers.

260
00:09:07,307 --> 00:09:08,839
Uh, you know, it just kind of
looked like him.

261
00:09:08,908 --> 00:09:11,042
Is there a bathroom?
Here, I'm just gonna find it myself.

262
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,644
No big deal. I'm fine.
I'm... I'm great. I...

263
00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:18,449
So, are you seeing anybody new?

264
00:09:18,518 --> 00:09:21,552
No, I didn't even make my mom
a Valentine's card this year.

265
00:09:21,621 --> 00:09:23,154
It's alarming that I asked about dating,

266
00:09:23,222 --> 00:09:24,455
and you went right to your mother.

267
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,927
Hello?

268
00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:30,928
Alex, it's Professor Fennerman.

269
00:09:30,997 --> 00:09:32,797
I'm sorry to bother you on Valentine's.

270
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,565
Uh, it's okay. Uh...

271
00:09:34,634 --> 00:09:36,000
Have you heard from Haley?

272
00:09:36,069 --> 00:09:38,189
- Isn't she with you?
- She was...

273
00:09:38,214 --> 00:09:39,904
and then she suddenly ran off.

274
00:09:39,973 --> 00:09:41,572
I think... I think I may have bored her

275
00:09:41,641 --> 00:09:42,974
to the point of fleeing.

276
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,642
You could never bore anyone.

277
00:09:44,711 --> 00:09:46,544
You know who's boring?
Professor Schaeffer.

278
00:09:46,612 --> 00:09:48,012
Agreed. He's insufferable.

279
00:09:48,081 --> 00:09:49,413
He never stops droning on.

280
00:09:49,482 --> 00:09:51,849
He's like the cosmic
microwave background radiation.

281
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,687
Because he's the constant noise
you can't get rid of!

282
00:09:56,756 --> 00:09:58,589
Thank God somebody gets me tonight.

283
00:09:59,993 --> 00:10:01,525
You know, I think
it might have been a bad idea,

284
00:10:01,594 --> 00:10:03,627
bringing her to the observatory.

285
00:10:03,696 --> 00:10:05,296
I probably should have set
my sights on someone

286
00:10:05,365 --> 00:10:06,764
with whom I have more in common.

287
00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:08,299
Do you know what I mean?

288
00:10:08,368 --> 00:10:09,967
I... think I do?

289
00:10:10,036 --> 00:10:12,136
Anyway, I think I'll wait here
a little longer,

290
00:10:12,205 --> 00:10:15,139
take in the stars,
just in case she shows up.

291
00:10:15,208 --> 00:10:17,274
Maybe she will.

292
00:10:17,343 --> 00:10:18,576
Thanks, Alex.

293
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:21,545
Oh, my God.

294
00:10:21,614 --> 00:10:22,747
- What?
- Haley blew him off.

295
00:10:22,815 --> 00:10:25,816
I think he wants me to come
to the observatory to be with him.

296
00:10:25,885 --> 00:10:26,984
You have feelings for this guy?

297
00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:28,119
Who wouldn't?!

298
00:10:28,187 --> 00:10:29,453
I mean, do you know how hard it is

299
00:10:29,522 --> 00:10:31,088
to find a good-looking genius?

300
00:10:31,157 --> 00:10:33,124
There's him, and when I put in
a little effort, me!

301
00:10:33,192 --> 00:10:34,392
Then go.

302
00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:35,793
I will.

303
00:10:35,862 --> 00:10:37,895
Yeah, you will, a-and I'm gonna make
a Valentine for my mom.

304
00:10:37,964 --> 00:10:40,331
They're not the same!

305
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:41,932
Okay, open... open mine first.

306
00:10:42,001 --> 00:10:43,367
- Oh.
- It's... It's a kimono.

307
00:10:43,436 --> 00:10:46,270
- I took an online origami class.
- Okay.

308
00:10:46,339 --> 00:10:48,039
- It's a haiku.
- Oh!

309
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:49,807
"Friend, lover, husband.

310
00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:51,642
My life started when we met.

311
00:10:51,711 --> 00:10:53,044
You're my everything."

312
00:10:53,112 --> 00:10:54,245
- Aww.
- You are.

313
00:10:54,313 --> 00:10:56,380
Ooh, let's see what you wrote in yours.

314
00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:58,315
Aww. It's a tandem bicycle.

315
00:10:58,384 --> 00:10:59,817
- Yeah.
- It's so cute.

316
00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:02,787
"Happy V-Day. Love, M."

317
00:11:02,855 --> 00:11:04,555
And I thought my date was cold.

318
00:11:04,624 --> 00:11:07,425
What? No. Cam knows what I mean.

319
00:11:07,493 --> 00:11:09,060
Cam knows you are mean?

320
00:11:09,128 --> 00:11:10,528
You were more effusive
about tonight's menu

321
00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:11,896
than you were in my card.

322
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:14,432
"The molten chocolate cake looks
slutty and delicious."

323
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:15,800
Would it kill you to say that about me?

324
00:11:15,868 --> 00:11:18,335
What the hell? Amanda was here.

325
00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:19,637
This picture you posted
on Facebook...

326
00:11:19,705 --> 00:11:22,807
She's right behind you.
Why would she just leave?

327
00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:26,010
Tonight was supposed to be
a romantic night.

328
00:11:26,079 --> 00:11:27,845
I don't want to watch Luke
make his sweaty moves

329
00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:28,979
on his conquest of the week.

330
00:11:29,048 --> 00:11:30,748
Yeah, and some of them buy it.

331
00:11:30,817 --> 00:11:34,018
Under what gas leak is
he finding these brain-dead bimbos?

332
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:35,586
I know what happened.

333
00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:37,755
She walked in,
saw me for the first time,

334
00:11:37,824 --> 00:11:39,156
and thought I was hideous.

335
00:11:39,225 --> 00:11:41,125
I've really been struggling
with my hair lately.

336
00:11:41,194 --> 00:11:43,227
No, no, stop it. You have great hair.

337
00:11:43,296 --> 00:11:45,329
If it worked for Sheena Easton,
it can work for you.

338
00:11:45,398 --> 00:11:46,864
We spent all this time texting.

339
00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:48,566
I thought we had a real connection,

340
00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:50,334
like, really got each other.

341
00:11:51,571 --> 00:11:53,104
We couldn't let him blame himself.

342
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,039
But, uh...he took it pretty well.

343
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:56,874
You catty bitches!

344
00:11:56,943 --> 00:12:00,244
Luke, we love you,
but ever since you hit puberty,

345
00:12:00,313 --> 00:12:02,513
- you've been... a little disgusting.
- A little disgusting.

346
00:12:02,582 --> 00:12:04,048
Don't you think I know that?!

347
00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:05,816
She was my chance to turn it around.

348
00:12:05,885 --> 00:12:07,384
Okay, you know what? Call her.

349
00:12:07,453 --> 00:12:09,120
We'll get on the phone,
we'll clear the whole thing up.

350
00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:10,855
I called her. She's not picking up.

351
00:12:10,923 --> 00:12:12,389
We're going to her apartment.

352
00:12:12,458 --> 00:12:14,358
We messed this up, we'll fix it.

353
00:12:14,427 --> 00:12:15,726
Before the cake arrives?

354
00:12:15,795 --> 00:12:17,928
I've been wanting to bury
my face in that all night long.

355
00:12:17,997 --> 00:12:20,064
How can you not hear this?

356
00:12:20,133 --> 00:12:22,233
Okay, Joey, it's getting late.

357
00:12:22,301 --> 00:12:24,201
It's time to get you up to bed.

358
00:12:24,270 --> 00:12:26,904
Can you do a quick monster check first?

359
00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:28,973
Yes, I can.

360
00:12:31,644 --> 00:12:34,278
Phil, I can't sleep
without my teddy bear,

361
00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:36,247
and I left him in my wagon.

362
00:12:36,315 --> 00:12:38,482
Can you get him? I'm afraid of the dark.

363
00:12:38,551 --> 00:12:41,252
You got it, buddy.

364
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:46,323
Joe? What are you doing?

365
00:12:46,392 --> 00:12:48,125
Open the door.

366
00:12:48,194 --> 00:12:49,927
Fulgencio Joseph Pritchett!

367
00:12:49,996 --> 00:12:51,095
Open the door!

368
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:54,698
You let me in right now, young man.

369
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,835
Not cool, Joe!

370
00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:05,576
Joe, what is going on with this music?

371
00:13:05,645 --> 00:13:06,777
My God.

372
00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:08,746
Oh. Where's Phil?

373
00:13:08,814 --> 00:13:10,981
Who knows with that guy?

374
00:13:13,419 --> 00:13:14,852
Honey, what happened?

375
00:13:14,921 --> 00:13:16,787
Mini Casanova locked me out.

376
00:13:16,856 --> 00:13:18,956
What? That is enough.

377
00:13:19,025 --> 00:13:20,824
Joe, you are a little boy,

378
00:13:20,893 --> 00:13:23,127
and you're going to bed right now.

379
00:13:23,196 --> 00:13:25,529
You're a bad Valentine!

380
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,433
Oh, no.

381
00:13:29,502 --> 00:13:30,968
I feel like the rest
of the Breakfast Club

382
00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:32,603
when they realized Judd Nelson was

383
00:13:32,672 --> 00:13:35,239
- more vulnerable than they thought.
- I...

384
00:13:35,308 --> 00:13:38,309
My hotel in Ibiza was my favorite.

385
00:13:38,377 --> 00:13:39,944
I used to hang out with Telly Savalas,

386
00:13:40,012 --> 00:13:41,312
Lyle Waggoner,

387
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:43,380
but the scenery here

388
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:45,249
makes me like this one
mucho more.

389
00:13:45,318 --> 00:13:46,750
You don't have to impress me

390
00:13:46,819 --> 00:13:50,554
with money or name-dropping, I think.

391
00:13:50,623 --> 00:13:51,889
I like you.

392
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,224
Don't tell this to my madam,

393
00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:55,759
but I cannot accept any money from you.

394
00:13:55,828 --> 00:13:58,362
Excuse me, ma'am.
Can I talk with you for a moment?

395
00:14:01,934 --> 00:14:03,067
Yes?

396
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,602
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now.

397
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,636
Huh?

398
00:14:05,705 --> 00:14:07,004
The hotel owner is very strict

399
00:14:07,073 --> 00:14:09,773
about women who do what you do.

400
00:14:09,842 --> 00:14:12,543
Ooh, you're gonna take me to a room

401
00:14:12,612 --> 00:14:14,511
where the hotel owner
is going to give me

402
00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:17,548
a very tough, sexy talking to?

403
00:14:17,617 --> 00:14:20,050
No, you're gonna leave,
or we're gonna call the police.

404
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:21,218
- Yes, call the police.
- Gloria...

405
00:14:21,287 --> 00:14:23,654
I've been a very, very bad girl.

406
00:14:23,723 --> 00:14:25,422
This is not a part of it.

407
00:14:25,491 --> 00:14:28,926
Sir, she is not a prostitute.

408
00:14:28,995 --> 00:14:30,361
This is my wife.

409
00:14:30,429 --> 00:14:31,462
That's what they all say.

410
00:14:31,530 --> 00:14:32,830
Please.

411
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,499
Yep, that's probably what
I would've said.

412
00:14:37,429 --> 00:14:39,295
Here she is. Ciconi.

413
00:14:40,497 --> 00:14:41,497
What do you want?

414
00:14:41,565 --> 00:14:44,099
- Oh, hi!
- Hey! Wow.

415
00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:45,534
You're actually hotter
than your picture.

416
00:14:45,603 --> 00:14:47,903
You know, let us talk. Hi! So, we're...

417
00:14:47,972 --> 00:14:49,305
- we're Luke's uncles.
- We're Luke's uncles.

418
00:14:49,373 --> 00:14:50,673
- You're his uncles?
- Uh-huh.

419
00:14:50,741 --> 00:14:53,409
And you said he put sweaty moves
on brain-dead bimbos?

420
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:55,177
Okay, hadn't heard the specifics.

421
00:14:55,246 --> 00:14:56,545
Okay, you know... you know what?

422
00:14:56,614 --> 00:14:58,013
We d... We didn't mean any of that.

423
00:14:58,082 --> 00:15:00,015
We're gay, and gays are snarky.

424
00:15:00,084 --> 00:15:01,183
It's a cultural thing.

425
00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:02,685
You know how, like, you're Italian?

426
00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:04,620
Italians talk
a lot with their hands, right

427
00:15:04,689 --> 00:15:05,754
and are much looser

428
00:15:05,823 --> 00:15:06,889
than one would imagine for Catholics.

429
00:15:06,958 --> 00:15:08,023
Okay, okay. Let me talk right now.

430
00:15:08,092 --> 00:15:10,893
Okay, Amanda, Luke's an amazing guy.

431
00:15:10,962 --> 00:15:12,294
Why would I believe
what you're saying now

432
00:15:12,363 --> 00:15:13,462
and not what you said before?

433
00:15:13,531 --> 00:15:14,830
I don't know. I don't know.

434
00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:16,598
You know, maybe we were
just being snarky

435
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,233
- because we were jealous of you guys.
- Yeah.

436
00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:19,935
I mean, seeing Luke all dressed up,

437
00:15:20,004 --> 00:15:21,704
getting ready for a first date, the...

438
00:15:21,772 --> 00:15:24,206
the excitement of being
young and in love.

439
00:15:24,275 --> 00:15:26,041
- Mm.
- Easy.

440
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:27,943
I-I remember when I first met Cam...

441
00:15:28,012 --> 00:15:29,278
- I'm Cam.
- This is Cam.

442
00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:31,013
I knew I had met the person

443
00:15:31,082 --> 00:15:32,781
I was gonna spend
the rest of my life with.

444
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:35,884
That's what I want, too...
a relationship,

445
00:15:35,953 --> 00:15:37,319
someone who's gonna be there for me.

446
00:15:37,388 --> 00:15:38,620
Luke feels the same way.

447
00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:41,523
I mean, this is a guy
who is ready for commitment.

448
00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:42,958
We've really only texted.

449
00:15:43,027 --> 00:15:44,193
Okay, well, when I say...

450
00:15:44,261 --> 00:15:45,527
when I say to give Luke a chance,

451
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:48,097
it's because I-I know
what's at stake for you.

452
00:15:48,165 --> 00:15:50,265
I-I mean, you think it's amazing now?

453
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:53,469
You can't even imagine
what it could grow into.

454
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,738
If you guys have
even the smallest chance

455
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,874
of having what we have...
you have to go for it.

456
00:15:58,943 --> 00:16:00,209
Oh, my God, Mitchell.

457
00:16:00,277 --> 00:16:02,111
That is the Valentine's Day card
I've always wanted.

458
00:16:02,179 --> 00:16:04,046
Aww.

459
00:16:04,115 --> 00:16:05,814
That was sweet.

460
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:07,216
But Luke's gone.

461
00:16:07,284 --> 00:16:08,984
Drive until you hear a party.

462
00:16:09,053 --> 00:16:10,552
Okay. Well, you know what?
Good luck, honey.

463
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,588
- Bye, then. Yeah, take care.
- Okay.

464
00:16:12,656 --> 00:16:16,892
You see, we have the same address
and the same last name.

465
00:16:16,961 --> 00:16:18,694
I was just pretending to be a prostitute

466
00:16:18,763 --> 00:16:21,563
because my husband has a thing
for Jane Fonda in "Klute."

467
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,733
The body was crazy,
unfortunately, so were the politics.

468
00:16:24,802 --> 00:16:26,702
Well, I guess you didn't do
anything wrong by hotel rules,

469
00:16:26,771 --> 00:16:29,204
but based on my personal
belief system...

470
00:16:29,273 --> 00:16:31,240
We're not looking for any input.
Thank you.

471
00:16:31,308 --> 00:16:33,642
I can't believe I took
romantic advice from Phil,

472
00:16:33,711 --> 00:16:37,946
a grown man I've seen in
lederhosen at least three times.

473
00:16:38,015 --> 00:16:40,282
Phil told you to do the role play?

474
00:16:40,351 --> 00:16:42,484
Yeah, he said you were mad this morning

475
00:16:42,553 --> 00:16:44,586
because I always drop the ball
on days like this.

476
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,256
I wasn't mad at you. I was mad at Joe

477
00:16:47,324 --> 00:16:48,690
because he didn't make me a Valentine.

478
00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:50,292
So your 6-year-old kid

479
00:16:50,361 --> 00:16:52,127
doesn't give you a card, you get so mad,

480
00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:54,063
you throw a tire iron
through the windshield.

481
00:16:54,131 --> 00:16:55,597
It's got to be deeper than that.

482
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,166
Manny, for the first time ever,

483
00:16:57,234 --> 00:16:59,001
didn't make me a Valentine's, either.

484
00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:00,402
That's not deeper.

485
00:17:00,471 --> 00:17:03,238
That's just doubling down
on the same disturbing thing.

486
00:17:03,307 --> 00:17:04,673
Disturbing?

487
00:17:04,742 --> 00:17:06,341
When Manny was 5 years old,

488
00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:08,977
he told me that he would
forever be my Valentine's.

489
00:17:09,046 --> 00:17:11,947
Promises were made.
I will not be ignored!

490
00:17:13,217 --> 00:17:15,784
Okay, yeah. That sounded weird.

491
00:17:15,853 --> 00:17:18,220
But the point is that I know

492
00:17:18,289 --> 00:17:20,155
that you're not good at romantic things,

493
00:17:20,224 --> 00:17:22,157
- and I'm fine with it.
- Don't let me off the hook.

494
00:17:22,226 --> 00:17:25,527
If I did more, you wouldn't depend
on your kids for those things.

495
00:17:25,596 --> 00:17:27,162
And if I learned anything

496
00:17:27,231 --> 00:17:28,564
from trying to pick you up tonight,

497
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,499
it's how lucky I was to get you
in the first place.

498
00:17:30,568 --> 00:17:31,867
I've got to do better.

499
00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:33,936
And I didn't think anyone

500
00:17:34,004 --> 00:17:37,739
could get any sexier
than Raoul Matadore.

501
00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:42,644
I want to remember the exact moment

502
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,813
I fell in love with you all over again.

503
00:17:47,451 --> 00:17:49,818
What the hell have you done?

504
00:17:49,887 --> 00:17:51,954
That was my father's watch!

505
00:17:53,591 --> 00:17:55,891
Poor little Joe.

506
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,826
You don't think I led him on, do you?

507
00:17:57,895 --> 00:17:59,495
No, no.

508
00:17:59,563 --> 00:18:00,896
I am not doing this.

509
00:18:00,965 --> 00:18:02,664
Women always blame themselves.

510
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,967
Well, I'm sorry, Joe.
I don't owe you anything.

511
00:18:05,035 --> 00:18:07,636
You know what?
I-I think I'll handle this.

512
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,240
Hey, buddy.

513
00:18:11,308 --> 00:18:13,575
Are you gonna yell at me, too?

514
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,043
Listen.

515
00:18:15,112 --> 00:18:16,712
The reason Claire was yelling at you

516
00:18:16,780 --> 00:18:19,014
was to protect my feelings.

517
00:18:19,083 --> 00:18:20,649
She knows I can't compete with you,

518
00:18:20,718 --> 00:18:22,384
which is, um...

519
00:18:22,453 --> 00:18:25,454
which is why I have to ask you
a really big favor.

520
00:18:25,523 --> 00:18:27,489
Can you pick another girl?

521
00:18:27,558 --> 00:18:29,191
I mean, you can have anyone you want,

522
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,160
but... Claire's all I've got.

523
00:18:31,228 --> 00:18:32,728
I'd be lost without her.

524
00:18:32,796 --> 00:18:34,463
I don't even know how I got her
in the first place.

525
00:18:34,532 --> 00:18:36,498
You are pretty silly.

526
00:18:36,567 --> 00:18:40,669
What do you say?
Dude to dude, will you back off?

527
00:18:42,273 --> 00:18:43,705
Okay.

528
00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:46,341
Is Haley seeing anyone?

529
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:47,442
Easy.

530
00:18:59,456 --> 00:19:01,790
How'd I get back to Arvin? I don't know.

531
00:19:01,859 --> 00:19:03,458
I was just looking for the parking lot

532
00:19:03,527 --> 00:19:05,227
when I came to a fork in the path.

533
00:19:05,296 --> 00:19:06,728
Had I taken the other path,

534
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:10,098
I would've just gotten in my car
and gone home.

535
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:11,667
Instead...

536
00:19:13,103 --> 00:19:15,037
You came back!

537
00:19:15,105 --> 00:19:17,206
Damn it, I did!

538
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:19,875
Why did you run off? What did I do?

539
00:19:19,944 --> 00:19:22,044
Everything. And I've done nothing.

540
00:19:22,112 --> 00:19:23,845
I-I feel like a loser.

541
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:25,614
You feel like a loser?

542
00:19:25,683 --> 00:19:28,917
Why do you think I went on about
myself so appallingly?

543
00:19:28,986 --> 00:19:30,085
Ooh, look at me.

544
00:19:30,154 --> 00:19:32,120
I won the Von Snootington Award

545
00:19:32,189 --> 00:19:34,056
for Applied Astro-Doofinomics.

546
00:19:34,124 --> 00:19:36,725
You won another award?
How is this helping?

547
00:19:36,794 --> 00:19:39,995
Haley... I like you.

548
00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:44,132
You are formidable in a way that's...

549
00:19:44,201 --> 00:19:47,436
that's different and exciting to me.

550
00:19:47,504 --> 00:19:49,238
Yeah, well, same,

551
00:19:49,306 --> 00:19:51,406
but it just doesn't make sense.

552
00:19:51,475 --> 00:19:53,475
I love things that don't make sense.

553
00:19:53,544 --> 00:19:55,077
That's my gig.

554
00:19:55,145 --> 00:19:56,912
Let's figure this out together.

555
00:19:56,981 --> 00:19:58,313
Come on.

556
00:19:58,382 --> 00:19:59,748
What can I do?

557
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,223
That helps.

558
00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:16,331
Oh, it's so weird to think that
if I had taken another path,

559
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,267
I could be heading home right now.

560
00:20:18,335 --> 00:20:20,669
Wait a minute.
It's like what you said before.

561
00:20:20,738 --> 00:20:24,206
In a different universe,
you could be with someone else.

562
00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:37,099
Um, could we...
could we change this song?

563
00:20:37,134 --> 00:20:40,440
The poppy cadence is throwing off
my more bluesy lovemaking style.

564
00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:42,428
Oh!

565
00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:43,703
- Aw, geez!
- Dios mio!

566
00:20:43,738 --> 00:20:44,863
Don't you ever knock?!

567
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:47,806
This is my bedroom!
I can't believe this is happening again!

568
00:20:47,841 --> 00:20:49,095
- Again?
- Oh.

569
00:20:49,130 --> 00:20:50,920
I wish I had gotten arrested!

570
00:20:50,955 --> 00:20:53,167
Mom, where are you?
I made you a Valen...

571
00:20:55,806 --> 00:20:58,691
Okay, what kind of freak show
goes on here when I'm not around?

572
00:20:58,716 --> 00:21:03,716
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