1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,572 Morty?! 2 00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:06,240 Morty! - Rick? 3 00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:08,709 - Hey, Morty?! - Rick? 4 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,412 Are you far away, or are you inside something? 5 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,081 Is this a camera? 6 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,648 Is everything a camera? 7 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,317 Morty, the garage, Morty. 8 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,319 Come to the garage! 9 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,387 Morty? 10 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,021 Rick? W-where are you? 11 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,423 On my work bench, Morty. 12 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,201 Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? 13 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,226 Flip the pickle over. 14 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,727 What, I'm gonna touch it, 15 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,572 and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something. 16 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,098 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. 17 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:33,033 You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. 18 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,236 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 19 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,438 Boom! Big reveal... I'm a pickle. 20 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,706 What do you think about that? 21 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,574 I turned myself into a pickle! 22 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,610 W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. 23 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,178 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 24 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,513 And? And? 25 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,115 What more do you want tacked on to this? 26 00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,883 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job. 27 00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,519 Was it? Who cares, Morty? 28 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,130 Global acts of terrorism happen every day. 29 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,194 Uh, here's something that's never happened before... 30 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:56,557 I'm a pickle. 31 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,959 I'm Pickle Rick! 32 00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,565 Are you going to, I mean, you know, 33 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,500 is this the first part of some magic trick? 34 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,669 I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. 35 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,771 One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner. 36 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,773 Well, can you move? Can you fly? 37 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,184 I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could. 38 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:50,344 All right, well, do pickles live forever or... 39 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:53,514 Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. 40 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,015 I'm a pickle. I-I'm just trying 41 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,750 to figure out why you would do this... 42 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,152 why anyone would do this. 43 00:01:58,186 --> 00:02:00,754 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, 44 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,856 which they can't, would be because they could, 45 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,358 which they can't. 46 00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:06,102 Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. 47 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,828 Where's your grandpa? Right here, sweetie. 48 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,697 I'm a pickle! What?! 49 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:10,964 Why would you... ugh! 50 00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,542 Look, we're running late. We have to go. 51 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,701 Where are you guys going? 52 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,103 We have an appointment downtown 53 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,207 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, 54 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,541 including you. 55 00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:23,311 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. 56 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:25,546 Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. 57 00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,315 I mean, I don't know if I can... ooh, geez. 58 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:30,484 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? 59 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,952 - Morty! - It's okay, Beth. 60 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,387 I understand Morty's suspicion. 61 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:34,822 I've misled him before. 62 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,958 Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact. 63 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,395 Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way 64 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,531 to get out of family therapy. 65 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,366 I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent 66 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,734 the perception of my air quotes. 67 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,578 Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? 68 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:49,670 Great question, Summer. 69 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:50,904 The unfortunate answer is 70 00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,673 I did this to challenge myself. 71 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,242 And it could take hours or even days 72 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,744 before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. 73 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,679 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me 74 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,281 in a purse or a pocket, you know, 75 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,425 if she really needs me to go. 76 00:03:01,449 --> 00:03:03,651 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it's fine. 77 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,094 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out 78 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,754 how to stop being a pickle, okay? 79 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,723 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid 80 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,158 hanging directly over you? 81 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,727 Also, why is the string attached to it running through 82 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:15,529 a pair of scissors attached to a timer? 83 00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,731 And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, 84 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:21,101 exactly when we would have left for therapy? 85 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:23,371 Well, Morty, if you know must know, 86 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,839 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, 87 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,108 and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. 88 00:03:28,141 --> 00:03:30,944 Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. 89 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:32,680 W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? 90 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,282 What are you doing there, sweetie? 91 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,092 Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle 92 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,761 full of liquid unrelated to your situation. 93 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:38,786 How's that gonna help? 94 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:39,920 Can't argue with that. 95 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,054 Great. We'll see you later. 96 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,623 Hey, hey, be careful with that. 97 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:43,957 It's for something else. 98 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,559 It's really important, 99 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,295 so don't break it. 100 00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:50,097 Okay, I may have fucked up here. 101 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:54,234 Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. 102 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,803 T-t-tah, tah. 103 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:08,716 Oh, great. 104 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,318 Stupid cat. 105 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,497 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like 106 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,988 to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! 107 00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,900 I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared 108 00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,835 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. 109 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,428 I'm not a snake! 110 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,995 I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! 111 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:22,896 Whoa! 112 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:25,265 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 113 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:30,304 Oh, crap, that sun is bright. 114 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:31,572 Okay, come on. 115 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,916 This can't really be the way I go out. 116 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,508 This is the mega-genius equivalent 117 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:37,478 of dying on the toilet. 118 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:40,514 So hot. 119 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:43,717 This is how I'm gonna die. 120 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,794 Oh, God, moisture. 121 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:56,597 Oh, God, the moisture... Dial it back, God. 122 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,466 Dial it back a little bit here! 123 00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,767 Oh! Oh. 124 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,538 Oh, God! 125 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,340 Perpendicular, perpendicular! 126 00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,208 Oh, shit! 127 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,243 Oh! Oh! 128 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,921 Oh! 129 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,797 Come on. That's it. 130 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,565 Come get this delicious brine. 131 00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,733 Aah! 132 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,070 Come on! Come on, mother-fucker. 133 00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,539 Come on! 134 00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,194 Yes! 135 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,431 How is this even family therapy 136 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,033 if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? 137 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,201 Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? 138 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,438 It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. 139 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:13,173 The family was told to get counseling by your principal, 140 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,075 even though it's not the family that was 141 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:17,277 huffing pottery glaze in the art room 142 00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,246 and desk wetting in history class. 143 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,348 Oh, the Smith family, 144 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,616 minus a dad. 145 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,284 You're patients of Dr. Wong, too? 146 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,286 Temporarily... By order of the school. 147 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,957 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 148 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,560 We... have never... 149 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:33,594 eaten poop. 150 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,262 Uh, me, neither. 151 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,865 Say, where did my family get off to? 152 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,468 Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. 153 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,836 Come on in. 154 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,809 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? 155 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,211 He got wrapped up in an experiment. 156 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,813 He's a scientist. 157 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,082 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, 158 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,717 sci-fi level. His work is very... 159 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:57,990 He turned himself into a pickle. 160 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,621 Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry. 161 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:02,155 I suppose that's a good segue 162 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,391 into our little discipline cases here. 163 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,160 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? 164 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:10,263 What?! No! What kind of question is that? 165 00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:13,166 The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. 166 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,569 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. 167 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:19,239 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. 168 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,341 He's unpredictable and eccentric. 169 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,911 The whole family is. Speaking of which... 170 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,847 Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, 171 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,582 and let me ask this. 172 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:32,185 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? 173 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,864 Wow. Ugh! 174 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,936 Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. 175 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,880 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back 176 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:55,042 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them. 177 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,610 You are one driven rat. 178 00:07:56,644 --> 00:08:00,714 Could you be a little more driven? 179 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,884 To the right. 180 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,152 Yes, yes, yes! 181 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,521 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! 182 00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,322 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? 183 00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:13,360 Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb fucking rat. 184 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,649 Oh, yeah! 185 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,674 Aaaah! 186 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:02,442 I didn't say my father is perfect, 187 00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,777 I said his work is important. 188 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,278 And she's saying what's important is 189 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,681 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here. 190 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:08,782 Oh, he did not! 191 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:10,117 Let's do an experiment here. 192 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,285 I get the impression this family values science. 193 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,855 So raise your hand if you feel certain 194 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,257 you know what was in the syringe. 195 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,193 Raise your hand if you know for certain 196 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:23,831 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum. 197 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,767 Beth, your hand did a little thing there. 198 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,377 Do you really not see what's happening here? 199 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,937 Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong... 200 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,404 by the way, racist name... 201 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,807 obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your 202 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:36,043 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run 203 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,411 around what was supposed to be their therapy. 204 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,980 Oh, I think this pickle incident 205 00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,581 is a better path than any other 206 00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:43,550 to the heart of your family's dysfunction. 207 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,619 I think it's possible that you and your father 208 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,121 have a very specific dynamic. 209 00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,156 I don't think it's one 210 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:50,824 that rewards emotion or vulnerability. 211 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,292 I think it may punish them. 212 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:54,728 I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, 213 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,797 and is infecting your kids with a tendency 214 00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:59,566 to misdirect their feelings. 215 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,668 Fuck you. 216 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:01,669 - Mom! - Mom! 217 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,003 Fuck both of you, too. 218 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,683 By the way, you might notice that in spite of 219 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,942 your numerous distinctive features, 220 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:12,646 I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. 221 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,782 That's because, to me, you aren't special. 222 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,084 You were special to rats. Now they're dead. 223 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,419 I guess it was me you should have impressed. 224 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,989 God damn it, I love myself. 225 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,067 Pickle Rick! 226 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,549 Get that parkour. 227 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,218 Get that parkour! 228 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,723 Hey, it's cool. 229 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,000 Just need to find the nearest exit. 230 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,658 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out. 231 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,129 Whoa! 232 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,065 Who in the fuck"s toilet is this? 233 00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,040 What is it? 234 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,408 A pickle? A rat? Both. 235 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,077 It says it's a scientist. 236 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,411 Where is it? 237 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:20,313 It seems to be using the air ducts 238 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,082 and the mail tubes to get around. 239 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,517 It's been gathering office supplies, we think, 240 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,753 to build weaponry. 241 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,988 But look what it did on the mezzanine. 242 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:32,425 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin. 243 00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,929 Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us. 244 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,431 We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? 245 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,333 32 armed guards. 246 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,202 He killed two. 247 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,703 It's on the phone. 248 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,173 Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. 249 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,875 Hello. 250 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,710 Hi, um, can you, uh, please let me out. 251 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,379 Your mere presence in this building 252 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,081 violates international law. 253 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,050 I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men. 254 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:59,619 You should know those men killed themselves. 255 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,088 And how is that? 256 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,090 They didn't let me out. 257 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,124 Solen'ya. 258 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,725 Shut your mouth and do your jobs, 259 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,927 you fucking children! 260 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,728 Uh, is this not a good time or...? 261 00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:11,731 Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya"... 262 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,768 the Pickle Man, an old wives tale. 263 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,569 He crawls from bowls of cold soup 264 00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,705 to steal the dreams of wasteful children. 265 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,240 That'd be a lucky break for you. 266 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,243 Go, shoot to kill. 267 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,113 Aaah! 268 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,624 We got him. 269 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:38,758 - Ah. - Ah. 270 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,093 Because this pickle 271 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,429 doesn't care about your children. 272 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,931 And I'm not gonna take their dreams. 273 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,934 I'm gonna take their parents. 274 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,518 Solen'ya! He's coming! 275 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:08,288 It's because I threw half-way my sandwich! 276 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,123 He's just a pickle! 277 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,291 He's a monster. 278 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,994 He's not the only one. 279 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,939 You can stay, dead to the world and die in this room. 280 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:30,010 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom. 281 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:34,347 There is no freedom while you're leader breathes. 282 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,449 Our country is a prison. 283 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,018 Then Catarina is a prisoner. 284 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:40,820 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. 285 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:44,391 She lives, Jaguar. 286 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,826 Where is this pickle? 287 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,162 What do you think is in the syringe, Beth? 288 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,698 You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me. 289 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,242 - Anti-pickle serum. - It's anti-pickle serum. 290 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,336 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum. 291 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:59,907 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 292 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,209 They're just angry at me for divorcing their father. 293 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,843 I never said I was angry at you. 294 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,046 That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. 295 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,015 You do it so you don't have to say 296 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,816 "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. 297 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,351 Oh, my God! Oh, there... 298 00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,686 there's pictures of people eating poop in there! 299 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,224 It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. 300 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,993 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, 301 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,362 you could ask him... He won't have to ask for it, okay? 302 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,363 He won't need it. 303 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,697 He'll just make more. 304 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,366 He doesn't need anything from anyone. 305 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,736 You admire him for that. 306 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,504 It's better than making your problems 307 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,772 other people's problems. 308 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,724 Oh, come on! 309 00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:05,272 Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal! 310 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,739 You should know that isn't original. 311 00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,075 They have my daughter. 312 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,943 There's nothing I won't do to see her again. 313 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,579 Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, 314 00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,147 but killing you gets me to her quicker 315 00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,416 than your derivative bullshit. 316 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:22,889 I never bullshit, Pickle Man. 317 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,258 This can only end with one of us dead, 318 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:26,793 and I have never died. 319 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,595 That will be your downfall, Jaguar, 320 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,664 not being open to new experiences. 321 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,311 Is it done? 322 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,945 Jaguar?! 323 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,115 Jaguar couldn't make it. 324 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,016 Do it. 325 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,418 Okay, you win, Pickle Man. 326 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,752 I'm unsealing the building. 327 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,988 No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. 328 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:57,957 Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds 329 00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,459 in a safe on level two. 330 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,660 I'll give you the combination. 331 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,395 That money belongs to the people. 332 00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:04,464 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! 333 00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:05,965 Do we have a deal?! 334 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,967 Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter 335 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:08,968 when you set her free. 336 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,303 Or I'll be visiting you. 337 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,971 Jaguar's daughter is dead. 338 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,340 Huh, so you're a liar. 339 00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,674 Jaguar was an animal. 340 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,476 You're an intelligent pickle. 341 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,810 We can do business. 342 00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,646 I don't think so. See you soon. 343 00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,148 - Is the helicopter here? - Yes. 344 00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,649 And the police are on the way. 345 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:23,816 What do we tell them? 346 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,984 Ooh! Aah! 347 00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,020 Tell them we were robbed. 348 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,560 Hey! Hey, what are you doing?! 349 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,163 I'm right here! 350 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,212 Farewell, Solen'ya. 351 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,417 F-15s are scrambled. 352 00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:00,019 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes. 353 00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,888 Well, my daughter is about five away, 354 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,256 and I've got about eight to live. 355 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,758 Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter 356 00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,160 I love her, but not for you. 357 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,695 Oh, well, uh, she knows. 358 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,506 I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, 359 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,332 to the extent that love is an expression 360 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,001 of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines 361 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,536 precludes the necessity of attachment. 362 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:19,106 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters 363 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,349 in an alternate version of earth 364 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,110 that was taken over by mutants. 365 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,278 Okay. Good luck with that. 366 00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:27,747 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 367 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,850 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. 368 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,720 Nope, just me. 369 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,555 Yeesh! 370 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,791 I... 371 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:40,527 am... 372 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,061 afraid... 373 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,563 that my kids will get expelled. 374 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,365 Good. Summer, you go. 375 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,567 I am mad... 376 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,402 that I can't huff enamel 377 00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:52,572 without people assuming it's because my family sucks. 378 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:56,042 I hope to be seen one day 379 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,586 as someone that just likes getting high. 380 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,878 Good job. 381 00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,980 Morty, do you have an "I" statement? 382 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:04,251 I am sad... 383 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,485 that I peed. 384 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:09,156 I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. 385 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:12,325 Look at this family go. You guys are pros. 386 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,795 What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 387 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,866 Ugh. 388 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,807 You must be Rick. Mm-hmm. 389 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,742 I've heard a lot about you today. 390 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,578 Your family is crazy about you. 391 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,513 Your daughter holds you in very high regard. 392 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,847 You're a lucky fella. 393 00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:36,625 Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still 394 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,286 happen to have that syringe in your purse? 395 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,790 Dad... 396 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:48,261 I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. 397 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:52,465 It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. 398 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,502 I have had a rough day. 399 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,805 And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. 400 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,874 I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. 401 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:05,278 By changing you from a pickle to a human. 402 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,313 Yes. 403 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,482 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? 404 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,117 So I wouldn't have to come here. 405 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,552 Why didn't you want to come here? 406 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,288 Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. 407 00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,032 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy 408 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:18,701 for a living, and when I don't like something 409 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,327 about the world, I change it. 410 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,505 And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall 411 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,397 to listen to some agent of averageness 412 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,132 explain which words mean which feelings 413 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,667 has ever helped anyone do anything. 414 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,512 I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable 415 00:19:29,536 --> 00:19:31,471 and stop panicking, which is a state of mind 416 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,340 we value in the animals we eat, 417 00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:35,141 but not something I want for myself. 418 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,343 I'm not a cow. 419 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,578 I'm a pickle... when I feel like it. 420 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,180 So... you asked. 421 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,483 Rick, the only connection between 422 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,718 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness 423 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,688 destroying your family is that everyone in your family, 424 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:52,158 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. 425 00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:55,027 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind 426 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,865 as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. 427 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:00,333 And I think it's because the only 428 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,535 truly unapproachable concept for you 429 00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:05,204 is that it's your mind within your control. 430 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,241 You chose to come here, you chose to talk 431 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:12,078 to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. 432 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,414 You are the master of your universe, 433 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:17,216 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. 434 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,353 Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. 435 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,189 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless 436 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,958 by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth 437 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,226 and wipe my ass. 438 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,128 Because the thing about repairing, 439 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:32,699 maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. 440 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,101 There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. 441 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,969 It's just work. 442 00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,405 And the bottom line is, 443 00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,408 some people are okay going to work, and some people... 444 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,776 well, some people would rather die. 445 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,646 Each of us gets to choose. 446 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:50,249 That's our time. 447 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,951 I'm going to give you guys my card 448 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,386 and hope to hear from you again. 449 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,997 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop 450 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,757 and would like to stop, give them my number. 451 00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:02,061 I, um... 452 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,096 I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. 453 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,565 I... I shouldn't lie to you. 454 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,766 Oh, it's fine. 455 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,601 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. 456 00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:10,403 But I hope you know that's not what 457 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,104 that session was supposed to be. 458 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:14,407 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants 459 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,509 and Summer snorting glue or whatever... 460 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,513 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. 461 00:21:20,547 --> 00:21:22,027 Well, there was so much more at stake. 462 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:27,286 I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. 463 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,422 Are we gonna go back? 464 00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:31,491 Sweetie, could I get... get that syringe now? 465 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,993 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. 466 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,862 Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. 467 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:38,865 Eh. 468 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,104 Jesus. 469 00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:48,708 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man. 470 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,042 Weird breed. 471 00:21:50,076 --> 00:21:51,978 Man, I missed having hands... 472 00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,947 and blood and a stomach. 473 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:56,115 We should get a drink. 474 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,650 Really? Like, go somewhere? 475 00:21:57,684 --> 00:22:00,152 Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. 476 00:22:00,186 --> 00:22:02,655 Absolutely. 477 00:22:02,689 --> 00:22:04,557 I... I liked her. 478 00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:07,660 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? 479 00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:08,661 Maybe Shoney's? 480 00:22:08,695 --> 00:22:10,830 Yeah, either one. Either one. 481 00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:45,197 You'll never get away with this, Concerto. 482 00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:47,366 That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez. 483 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,203 This shall be my greatest performance of all time! 484 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,107 This is it, Morty. We're goners. 485 00:22:55,141 --> 00:22:56,452 We're not getting out of this one. 486 00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,044 After everything we've been through, 487 00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,045 this is how we're gonna die. 488 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:00,346 Make peace with your god. 489 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,682 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! 490 00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:05,685 And now for the E-splat! 491 00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:09,589 Jaguar! 492 00:23:12,925 --> 00:23:14,794 Who? Who was that, Rick? 493 00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:17,830 That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.