Do you hope to make a difference with this new trauma centre?
We work in high-pressure environments
and your choices can save lives in the moment.
- Erm... - But do you enjoy it?
Erm... Sometimes.
Er... Of course every day brings new challenges.
You never know what's going to walk through the door.
CREDITS
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm... Dan.
I'm here for the suit.
Er... Sorry, I don't know...
I work with er... Oxfam. Dan Bowker.
Er... Your dad said I should come round and pick it up.
Sorry.
He's giving his suit to charity.
OK. Erm... He's not here.
He...
Er... Has he left it out, or...?
He didn't mention anything about it.
Oh, right.
Er...
Well, I'll... I'll give him a... I'll give him a call.
Erm...
Sorry.
Sorry about this.
Erm...
It's ringing.
- You must be... - Alana.
- His daughter. - Yeah.
He's proud of you. He mentioned you.
Ah, voicemail.
Hi, Jon. Dan Bowker.
I'm at your house now for the suit.
Your daughter doesn't seem to know anything about it.
Erm...
If you get a chance, could you give me a call back? Bye.
Well, hopefully he'll call back.
Perhaps he's forgotten, or left it somewhere. I hope he's not wearing it!
He can take a while to get back.
I came round here especially, so...
Yeah.
OK.
It's OK. I'll wait here, and... when he calls back I can just ring the bell again.
Do you know which one it is?
Er... He was wearing it last time we met. A check pattern.
He said he'd gone off it, so he was going to
have it dry-cleaned and then give it to us.
You'd recognise it?
I might.
OK. Er...
Do you want to come in and have a look?
- You're probably busy. - No worries.
- Well, would that be...? - Sure.
Thank you.
Nice place!
Yeah, they've been here a while. Done a lot to it.
- It must cost a bit. - Oh, I suppose.
- You haven't looked it up on the Internet? - What?
I bet your dad has. That's what men do.
They obsess about property prices.
I don't think he's got time for that. And he loves this place.
- I bet. - Wouldn't want to move. Up here.
Yeah.
Well, hopefully he'll... he'll call back while I'm still here.
I mean, I could be making all this up.
You don't want to let some weird bloke remove one of your dad's suits.
Weren't lying. Look at these!
Wow.
Er... So are you at university, then?
School. Just doing my A levels.
And then you'll... you'll go after that?
I might do a gap year first with my girlfriend.
Gap year. That's a great idea.
That's what I did.
Yeah.
Africa, then across to... Thailand, Indonesia.
Little bit of charity work, but mainly just travelled.
Best thing I ever did.
This one.
Oh. Oh, right.
Oh, makes sense. He's had that ages.
Yeah, we'll get quite a bit for that. It's quality.
- Erm... What time does he normally come back? - Oh, not till late today.
Right.
Er... I don't want to just want to take it.
Dad doesn't think I should do the gap year.
Sorry?
He's always said I should go straight to medical school.
- Oh, you're going to be a doctor? - Hope so.
- Same as him? - Yeah.
And that's what you want to do, is it?
Yeah.
Well, what's the...
Sorry, I...
- It's nothing to do with me. - What?
Well, I was... I was just going to ask what the hurry was.
If you're going to train to be a doctor, that's not going away.
- Erm... What, you're 18? - 17. 18 next month.
Well... you've got plenty of time.
I wish you'd tell him that!
What about your girlfriend? What does she want to do?
Er... Art. She's into art.
My dad...
he used to...
he used to control my life.
I think that's why I went away.
Sorry, I'm not saying that's what yours is doing.
I'm sure, since you're an adult, you can make your own choices.
Yeah.
But it got to a point with my dad, one of the best moments of my life,
he was really getting at me, going at me,
telling me what to do, treating me like a child.
And I turned round and I just told him to eff off.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Stopped him in his tracks.
- Everything changed. - Right.
You see, at your age, you've got to claim... your independence.
It's not going to be given to you. You have to... take it.
Actually, he... he did mention your girlfriend.
- Kate. - Kate, right.
Saying what?
No, he doesn't have a problem with her, or anything like that.
But he has got a concern that maybe she's exerting an...
an influence over you.
- Maybe taking you off track. - Why? Because she's a girl?
No, I think it's the art thing.
And he also mentioned that...
.. she called him by his first name when they first met.
Er... She...
Well, what is she supposed to call him? "Sir"?
I just think he thought it was too soon.
A bit forward.
And that's made him concerned that she might be... leading you off track a bit.
Yeah, well, she's not.
Er... He's just concerned, I think.
He doesn't even know you, and he's...
I shouldn't have said anything.
Do you know what? He is... He is a great man.
And... I bet he's a great dad.
Yeah, sometimes. He's just...
Yeah, he can be a bit controlling.
That's why he's not into Kate, cos it wasn't what was in his head.
Sorry. It's just annoying!
Not your problem.
Has he texted back?
Er...
No.
Shall I try calling him? He normally answers with me, if he can.
- Oh, well, if you don't mind? - Yeah, no problem.
I...
Where did I...?
What?
Going mental.
Must have left it somewhere.
- What are you doing? - I've got your phone.
What?
I picked it up when we came in.
I'm sorry.
Well, can I have it back, then?
Sorry.
Shit.
OK. Er... What's going on?
What do you want?
I just want it to be fair.
- Denise? - Yeah.
Can you cancel the last one for today?
- Cancel it? But you... - I'm not feeling very well.
Oh. Yeah, OK.
Hey. Are you OK?
Yes, fine. Shall we go?
Oh. Er... I'm sorry. I've literally just been called back.
- You said you'd have some time. - Yeah, I thought I would, but you know how it is.
Right.
What? What's wrong?
Are you happy?
Well, yes.
With me? With us?
Of course. Has something happened?
I don't know.
- Sorry. Jon? - Er... Yes.
Yeah. Listen, we'll talk tonight, OK? Whatever it is, we'll sort it out.
- Yeah, it's fine. I'll see you later. - OK.
Love you.
Mr Bowker?
I'm sorry to come to your house. I know how this must look. I-I...
I really need to talk to somebody.
Right. Sorry, but how did you get my address?
It's listed on the company's website.
It's... It's your correspondence address.
I don't see people here. You'll... You'll have to make an appointment at the office.
My wife has left me.
That must be very distressing.
I know this must seem...
.. dangerous.
Whatever.
Oh, God, you're freaked out. Of course you are. God, I...
Mistake.
Sorry, I'll... I'll go.
Daniel... Are you all right?
I was walking over the bridge on the way here,
you know, the one over the main road,
and I wanted to jump in front of the traffic.
But I thought: No, I'm going to come here, and you...
Oh, it doesn't matter. Forget it.
My daughter... My daughter's away this evening.
So if you come in... we can talk for half an hour.
Would that be all right?
Thank you.
Nice place.
Coffee?
- Yeah, that would be great. Thanks. - Would you like to sit down?
OK.
I'm like, "You're saying it wrong. It's satsu-maah."
Sat... Satsu-maah? You mean sats-u-ma.
I just learnt it wrong as a kid.
Satsu-maah.
But now I'm realising every time I've said it for the last 35 years,
people must have been like, "What's wrong with her?"
- Well, it is a bit thick. - I know!
- How did you get through medical school? - You must have things like that?
- Er... Nope. - You do!
I really do not.
- Do you want a drink tonight? - Sorry?
When we clock off, do you want to go for a drink?
- You mean...? - An alcoholic liquid.
- Are you going with friends? - No.
Well, I...
Well, I probably should get back, you know.
- See how you feel. - We're working late.
Everything all right?
- Jon? - Erm...
It's a family er... crisis. You...
- Find someone to cover. - Of course. What's happened?
'Hi. This is Lisa Allerton. Please leave a message.'
What happened?
Well, I told you that I was attracted to other people.
And since we met I've been thinking about it, and...
Sorry. That light fitting, I was looking at it just now.
It's amazing.
Was it expensive?
I'm... I'm not sure what we paid for it.
This is such a nice house.
Thank you.
It must be worth so much money.
Do you want to go back and tell me about your wife?
Yeah.
Well, the sex didn't work.
I wasn't in a good place.
Since we last spoke I've lost my job.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- You said it was a coffee shop. - Yeah.
It was working out well, and then they took me to one side
and said, as my probation period is coming to an end...
- .. they didn't need me any more. - Did they give a reason?
Yeah, they gave me three reasons -- all bullshit.
- I know the real reason. - What?
- £15,000 pounds. - I'm sorry?
I was watching a programme on TV about building really expensive houses,
and these people had a... a light fitting like that made especially, bespoke,
and it cost about...£15,000.
As I say, I er... I don't remember.
You don't remember that much money?
What was the reason, Dan... that you lost your job?
So, yeah, the sex wasn't working.
And she just had enough.
And she left me.
Did she take the children?
Your daughter.
Is she your only child?
Did I mention that I had a daughter?
You said she was away.
Right.
And...
Right.
I was picked on. That's why I lost my job. I was bullied.
By who?
Your husband is a doctor?
You know that as well?
Yeah.
Dan, did you send me some photos earlier on today?
I just wanted you to know the truth.
I didn't have to hang around long before I... I saw them together.
And then I spoke to one of his colleagues,
and they said, "Yeah, everybody knows about their flirting."
Your husband.
Do you trust him?
Of course.
Even now?
We're married.
Right.
We're going to finish now.
It's a shock...
to think that he might have been with another woman,
because he's always been so reliable.
Have you ever thought that he might not be the person that you think he is?
I know things have been difficult for you at the moment...
.. and you've developed some interest in me.
So I'm going to ask you to leave now.
I haven't finished my coffee.
If you don't leave now, Dan...
.. I'm going to call the police.
And given everything that's gone on, I really don't think you need that.
It's not there.
No.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
You don't need that for me to listen to you.
I sent you that text message... earlier.
Your daughter was here.
She listened.
'Hi. This is Lisa Allerton.'
Where is she?
Is she OK?
Is she all right?!
Come on, come on, come on, come on. Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
Where is she?
She's upstairs.
Come down.
I told her not to make any noise... or I'd hurt you.
I wanted to speak to you first, find out whether you trusted your husband.
You don't. Come down.
In there.
- Mum. - It's OK.
No. No.
- Whatever this is about... - Don't you talk to your husband?
Mum, he said his son was dead.
It's all right. This... This is Dan Bowker.
He came and had his first session with me last week.
- His son died of cancer. - He didn't.
- He... - He died. Wasn't cancer.
His name... was Alex.
- You're looking down on me, pitying. - No.
You reckon that people like me, with less money and more problems,
that we bring it all upon ourselves.
- No, that is absolutely not the case. - Mum...
Please, please let my daughter go. She has nothing to do with this.
How do you know? You don't know what this is about.
Because your husband is not honest!
My husband?
This is about... j-justice, consequences.
- And your whole family needs to understand. - No!
- What? - No! No, please!
Tell me about him.
This man you've been married to for all these years.
Where did you meet?
We er... We trained together.
And what did you like about him?
He was er... He was handsome.
He was... He was kind.
- Honest? - Always.
- You still think that? - Yes.
Even now you know that he's sleeping with somebody else?
- Mum? - It's all right. It's OK.
I don't believe he is sleeping with anybody else.
Yes, you do. I saw it in your face, just now.
And now that you know that he's got one secret...
- .. what else has he been hiding from you? - What does he mean?
- Show her the photos. - No.
- No, she doesn't need to see... - Show her.
So, if that woman came on to him, what do you think he would say?
- I'm not doing this. - Yes, you are!
He'd say, "I'm... I'm married."
- And then? - What do you want?
What happened?
To Alex.
Alex...
.. was stabbed.
And I've done research.
And people that are stabbed, and they're alive
when they get to the hospital, like Alex was,
most of them don't die.
Alex should still be here.
Your dad made a mistake, and he knows it.
Why do you think that?
Because, otherwise, why would he have lied?
When did he lie?
He told me he'd had a few drinks for his birthday.
Now, his birthday was the night that it happened.
And later, when I asked him about it, he changed his story.
OK. Yeah.
It's not too late.
You can put the knife down.
Walk away. Like...
.. grieve for Alex.
We'll all understand... and forget it happened.
Right, Mum? He does have that option.
Yes. Yes.
Absolutely.
You hate this, don't you?
So just... stop.
Dad?
OK?
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
- What are you doing? - You took away all my options.
- You had me fired. - No, no, they said they were going to move you.
Jon, who is he?
Let them leave and we can talk.
I don't want to talk.
OK, OK. OK.
I want you to know how it feels to have your child...
.. about to die.
Stab wound, under the ribs, left-hand side.
- Jon... - Wait, wait.
You fail to protect her.
You watch another man kill her.
Then you will know what it feels like.
I did everything I could for Alex.
You'd been drinking that night.
One drink, much earlier.
"A few drinks", you said, for your birthday.
An expression. It was only one.
No, Jon. It was more than that.
Lisa...
I think it's really important to him that we tell him the truth.
And I was there.
- I'm sure he... - I'm sure what's important to Daniel
is that no-one withholds anything from him.
Yes? Because he'd be able to tell.
You had more than one glass of wine, but that does not mean you made a mistake.
Because you would know, right?
Let my daughter go.
And, what, you want me to say the right words?
OK, I can do that.
I don't want you to say them,
I want you to MEAN them!
You think you're a good man.
You're arrogant,
and it is very, very important that you realise that.
You don't need to do this.
You don't! You wouldn't need to do this!
If it happened to you, you'd just lawyer up!
Spend thousands suing or campaigning.
I don't have any money or time.
I need to work.
And so, instead, I have to just do what everybody else does --
I have to make a complaint and go to the authorities.
And every time I get a door slammed in my face!
Dan...
Dan, the truth is, in that moment...
Stop using that voice!
You keep saying the same thing again and again!
I know you made a mistake.
I saw your eyes. I can see your eyes now.
I know what you're hiding.
What do you think? You're a psychiatrist.
Do you think he's telling the truth?
I trust him.
Well...
Ha! I think we've established that you don't.
- Show him. - M-Mum?
Oh, God! Oh, God!
- No, no! No, no, no. - Get off me!
Stop! Stop!
- OK. - Open the door.
Alana, it's going to be OK. It's going to be fine.
Alana, it's going to be all right. Dan, wait. Dan.
Dan! Dan! Look, we're not that... We're not that different.
If the purpose of this is to make me understand
what it feels like to lose a child, then I get it.
- I really do. It's every parent's nightmare. - It's not a nightmare.
It's your life. It's a haunting.
And we're not the same.
I started with nothing, but I try to do the right thing.
- I-I go to work every day. - Me too.
Faithful to my wife.
- I don't try and control my kids like you do... - No, Dad.
- Wait, wait, wait! - .. do with yours!
- Just stop. - Jon, do something!
Dan... Dan, you don't want to do this.
This is nothing like you, right? Right? Put it down.
Jon, is he right? Is there something you're hiding?
- No! - None of that would matter!
I feel mad!
But I'm not!
- Am I? - Jon!
- Am I? - Please, please, stop! Please!
OK! OK! OK. Yes.
Yes, I er...
I don't know if it was the drink or not, but I...
.. I made... I made a mistake.
And... And now I will tell you exactly what I did if... if you stop.
Please.
Alana! Alana, go inside.
Call the police.
Sweetheart.
You're not what she thought you were.
Come on.
You've lost her.
Tell me what happened.
Those final moments with Alex, you were there, you were with him.
Tell me... what he went through.
Tell me what you did.
The ventricle was damaged.
It's an established technique to insert a catheter,
inflate the balloon and pull it back to block the hole.
But when I pulled on it...
.. I pulled too hard...
.. too quickly.
I made the hole much wider.
I knew straight away what I'd done.
I'd hoped it would be all right, but then...
.. a few minutes later...
he was dead.
They would never be able to pick up on exactly what happened.
That it was me.
But I know.
And then, for whatever reason...
.. I didn't say anything.
Not in the moment, not later to you.
And when you asked me about the drink, directly at the funeral,
when everyone was listening, I didn't see the point in getting into it.
So I lied.
Shall I tell you why you lied?
Because I know you now.
It wasn't to protect your professional reputation.
It was because of what other people would think of you.
The daily admiration, colleagues, your wife.
And particularly your daughter.
Because if she knew what you did, she wouldn't look up to you any more.
And that is exactly what has happened.
I work every day to save people's lives. Long hours.
But when your son is stabbed, instead of blaming the person who did it,
you chase ME, who happened to make a mistake.
I'd have understood the mistake.
But not the lie.
Your lifestyle...
have you got any idea how obscene this all looks?
You think it makes you look like you've done well, but...
but really it's just compensation for your huge ego.
No, this is not ego.
We've earned this!
But you want to break it because you...
You're resentful.
You're not content, and you blame society,
you blame economics, you blame politics.
But it's not any of that. This... This is you and your problems.
Most people would not do what you've done today!
Yeah. Yeah, come on. You want to kill me.
You've threatened my daughter. You come here and threaten her!
- Pick it up. Pick it up! Use it! - For goodness sake!
- Come on, pick it up! - No.
You know you want to use it. Pick it up.
Come on, pick it up. Pick it up. You want to pick up the knife.
- Come on, use the knife! Use it! - I'm not going... No, no.
Come on, show me the real you!
Forget your daughter, Jon.
You've lost her.
- Dad, stop! - Oi!
Catherine came second in the hundred metres.
Mark...
.. drew you a picture...
.. of a cow.
Don't know why.
Thank you.
What for?
Not leaving me.
- I married you. - Yeah, but still...
Yeah.
Do you want me to be here when he comes?
No.
You don't have to do this.
It's OK.
I'll be back.
Mum's bringing the kids.
Thank you for agreeing to see me.
Can I...?
OK.
I told the police I didn't want to press charges.
Me too.
My psychologist said it was important I say sorry.
Go on, then.
I'm suspended.
Pending a formal investigation.
I'll be sent for supervised retraining and...
.. allowed back, probably.
They need doctors.
I am good at my job.
I help people every day.
I was putting them first.
So it was a choice to lie, not pride.
It was a decision.
That doesn't sound like an apology.
It was a mistake.
But over a professional lifetime, it's bound to happen.
You lied.
I lied because it was best for you and for your family.
Surgeons lie all the time.
"Did my husband suffer before he died?"
"Would it have made a difference if the ambulance had got there quicker?"
We lie to avoid unnecessary suffering.
We make that judgment. It's our job.
And that is what I did.
You're not sorry.
Does knowing what happened really make a difference?
It makes a difference for Alex.
That we know the truth.
All right.
Bye.
She's er... just getting the last of it.
- Are you giving her a lift, or...? - Yeah. Well, no.
I offered, but she's getting a taxi.
- Is this it? All she...? - All... All she wants for now.
- You need a hand? - It's OK.
Are you sure about this?
- And Kate's family, they're OK with it? - Yeah.
She's got the top floor of the house. It's like a flat, so... we'll have space.
Well, if you need anything at all, you know, you could...
- Right, well, let's get you... - It's OK.
You can come home whenever you want, any time.
Thanks.
Well...
- Sweetheart, you really don't... - Yeah. Sorry.
Better get the taxi. They charge you for waiting.
OK.
Bye.
CREDITS