1
00:00:01,776 --> 00:00:04,516
All right, everybody, start to shut up.

2
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,589
Let's go ahead and wrap
up your current sentences

3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,240
and get yourselves to a quiet place.

4
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:09,658
Mr. Griffin, Dan is in my seat.

5
00:00:09,659 --> 00:00:10,993
Okay, I didn't even know it was his.

6
00:00:10,994 --> 00:00:12,494
You added me to this weird class,

7
00:00:12,495 --> 00:00:13,870
and now I don't know what's going on.

8
00:00:13,871 --> 00:00:15,247
Calm down, calm down.

9
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,415
Let's don't be so rule-minded.

10
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,000
No point in your adult lives

11
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:19,334
will you ever have assigned seats.

12
00:00:19,335 --> 00:00:21,587
- Besides airplanes.
- And jury duty.

13
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,922
If I've already undercut
myself, don't add to it.

14
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,508
'Kay? As you all know, this week we are

15
00:00:26,509 --> 00:00:30,220
devoting our attention to
the psychological dismantling

16
00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:33,181
of my academic rival, Miles Leonard.

17
00:00:33,182 --> 00:00:34,933
Miles happens to be British.

18
00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,436
He also happens to be... adopted.

19
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:41,106
So this week we will
practice and perfect

20
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,234
British accents. And whosever is best

21
00:00:44,235 --> 00:00:47,446
will call him, posing as
his biological birth mother

22
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,073
who he's never met, and
tell him some sort of

23
00:00:50,074 --> 00:00:51,783
devastating secret.

24
00:00:54,704 --> 00:00:56,913
- Any questions?
- Mr. Griffin,

25
00:00:56,914 --> 00:00:59,291
are you seriously never
gonna teach us biology at all?

26
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,585
Sure, Sarika. Maybe, uh,

27
00:01:01,586 --> 00:01:03,628
Pablo Picasso can come
in and teach driver's ed.

28
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:06,757
Guys, I am a published
Harvard philosophy professor.

29
00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,258
I've no interest whatsoever

30
00:01:08,259 --> 00:01:10,093
in teaching biology to you people, okay?

31
00:01:10,094 --> 00:01:12,596
So drop it. It's a pretty
sweet deal on the table...

32
00:01:12,597 --> 00:01:14,431
play ball, get an A. Come
on, let's make this easy.

33
00:01:14,432 --> 00:01:16,558
I'm just trying to cope
through a year in Toledo

34
00:01:16,559 --> 00:01:18,894
with its miserable excuse for espresso.

35
00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:22,105
Put your hand down.

36
00:01:22,106 --> 00:01:25,317
Next words I hear outta you
better be in a British accent.

37
00:01:25,318 --> 00:01:27,235
The bookstore at the mall

38
00:01:27,236 --> 00:01:30,656
has good espresso... m'lord.

39
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,492
Hey, not bad! Looks like Anthony's out

40
00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:35,494
to an early lead. Nice.

41
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,497
Let's open it up. And
remember... British.

42
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,457
Female.

43
00:01:40,458 --> 00:01:42,501
Hurtful. Go.

44
00:01:44,796 --> 00:01:47,172
The mocha latte...

45
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:50,008
- I abandoned you in the loo.
- Okay, what is this class?

46
00:02:14,158 --> 00:02:16,077
Ahh...

47
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:19,955
This is my sanctuary.

48
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:27,379
Wha...

49
00:02:33,636 --> 00:02:35,053
It's fine.

50
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:36,722
Ah, it's fine.

51
00:02:40,059 --> 00:02:41,351
Nope.

52
00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:46,189
I was kicked outta the bookstore.

53
00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:48,734
Tried to explain to the
manager that their staff "pick"

54
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,194
was feel-good soft-core nonsense.

55
00:02:51,195 --> 00:02:53,572
Yeah, I happened to
gesture with my coffee hand,

56
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,824
you know, splashed a couple
measly drops on the guy.

57
00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,909
He starts throwing the word scalded
around... "You've scalded me!"

58
00:02:58,110 --> 00:03:01,913
Next thing I know, this large-calfed
tyrant has his troop of baboons

59
00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:05,250
forcibly eject me. So... new plan.

60
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,252
British accents weren't
exactly taking off anyway.

61
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:10,422
We will now focus on taking
down the Miles display.

62
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:13,049
You will infiltrate the
store by getting jobs there

63
00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:15,427
and changing the staff
pick, thereby giving me

64
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,053
some semblance of sanctuary

65
00:03:17,054 --> 00:03:19,347
in this chili dump of a town.

66
00:03:19,348 --> 00:03:20,932
Did Miles do something to you?

67
00:03:20,933 --> 00:03:22,267
Did he get you fired from Harvard?

68
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,479
No, Miles just has this, um...

69
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,814
You know, he... he's like...
You know those people that...

70
00:03:27,815 --> 00:03:30,108
He wears scarves. Indoors,
you know what I mean?

71
00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,777
When he smiles it's
like, "Ehh..." You know?

72
00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:34,446
You just wanna... It's just ehh...

73
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:36,239
You know, he's like one of those people.

74
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,782
Look, do I need to go on,
or are you guys getting this?

75
00:03:37,783 --> 00:03:39,117
Couldn't you just find a sanctuary

76
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,702
in a different part of the store?

77
00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:42,078
That seems easier than lashing out.

78
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:43,622
Does everyone hear him the way I do?

79
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,790
The grating tone? That's gonna be fatal

80
00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:47,125
in a job interview, bud.

81
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,586
Mr. Griffin, we can't get jobs.

82
00:03:49,587 --> 00:03:51,963
Yes, you can! Look, it's easy.

83
00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:53,965
Couple of you get in, you flip the pic,

84
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:55,800
and then quit, for all I care.

85
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:57,594
I mean, look, it's a minimum wage job.

86
00:03:57,595 --> 00:03:59,721
These things are designed
to be revolving door.

87
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:03,642
So... who here has ever
been on a job interview?

88
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,144
Once my grandma asked me

89
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,439
to help her dig onions in the yard.

90
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:11,483
Okay. We're gonna need some practice.

91
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,327
- Hello?
- Hey, sorry to interrupt you.

92
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:26,081
It's, uh, Principal Durbin from work.

93
00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:28,166
I was hoping to see you

94
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,668
in my office when you have a moment?

95
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,087
- How's now?
- How's...

96
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:33,755
Well, you're teaching a class.

97
00:04:33,756 --> 00:04:34,798
You can't literally mean now.

98
00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:36,925
I'm on my way.

99
00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,677
Well, you...

100
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,638
Heather, I want you to
take over for me, okay?

101
00:04:41,639 --> 00:04:43,306
I want you to mock
interview all these people.

102
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,934
You guys are gonna do great.
Just need a little work.

103
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,228
It's gonna work.

104
00:04:48,229 --> 00:04:51,022
That's your signature
scent. She can't...

105
00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:52,691
Ah... pffft! She can't
take that away from you.

106
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,775
Now, scoot.

107
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,944
Sorry, the kids come first.

108
00:04:55,945 --> 00:04:57,863
- You're Jack, right?
- Yes.

109
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,490
H.H. DeMarcus. I go by Helen.

110
00:05:00,491 --> 00:05:02,367
How was Harvard?

111
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,994
How was all of Harvard?

112
00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:05,370
Uh...

113
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,330
let's go with good.

114
00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:09,040
If Durbin's available
now, I'd love to just...

115
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:11,334
The annual bake sale is coming up,

116
00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:13,503
and all teachers have
to bring a baked good.

117
00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:16,548
I do cream puffs, and
people love 'em a lot.

118
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,049
But the most important part

119
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,218
is that we're raisin'
money for the school.

120
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,512
And I'm gonna write down "Raisin' Money"

121
00:05:22,513 --> 00:05:24,055
as a good cookie name.

122
00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,224
I write them down when they come to me.

123
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,059
Now, you're getting off
easy because you're new,

124
00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,103
so I'm just gonna give
you chocolate chip.

125
00:05:30,104 --> 00:05:31,688
I should have stopped
you so much earlier.

126
00:05:31,689 --> 00:05:33,315
Why would I ever do that?

127
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:34,733
To show us how much Ram pride ya got!

128
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,067
Oh, I see. No, we're on the same page.

129
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:37,736
Put me down as a definite no.

130
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,238
You haven't gotten
bitten by the Ram yet.

131
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,240
- Guess not.
- Pam the Ram's comin' at ya.

132
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,409
- Get ready!
- Oh, the ram's name is Pam?

133
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,578
All rams are male.

134
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,079
Pam's a trans ram.

135
00:05:49,707 --> 00:05:51,416
Yeah.

136
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,418
Okay.

137
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,754
Jack comin' in!

138
00:05:57,882 --> 00:05:59,925
Time to pay the piper, Jack.

139
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,886
Wha... I love whatever this is.

140
00:06:02,887 --> 00:06:04,554
Is it something from a movie?

141
00:06:04,555 --> 00:06:06,765
It's a Mercedes ad. Print.

142
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,017
"Never compromise."

143
00:06:09,018 --> 00:06:10,936
Ah! Well, you are nailin' it.

144
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,896
So I'm all ears.

145
00:06:12,897 --> 00:06:15,106
You gotta replace the school
sign that you wrecked, homeboy.

146
00:06:15,107 --> 00:06:17,442
Right? It was granite, very intricate,

147
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,444
very expensive work on the ram.

148
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:24,115
Jack, this is on you, and I never...

149
00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,451
compromise.

150
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,453
It's funny... I've been
meaning to bring this up myself.

151
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:31,623
See, my lawyers were asking
if the sign was far enough back

152
00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,792
from the road, legally speaking.

153
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:37,462
And my neck has... really been hurting.

154
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,422
You see, the thing is...

155
00:06:39,423 --> 00:06:41,591
I also never compromise.

156
00:06:41,592 --> 00:06:45,220
And as... a man who does not compromise,

157
00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,471
I have to respect that.

158
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,473
And, um, I'm sure I can

159
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,642
trim some fat from the budget

160
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:53,353
and maybe find some
folks who, unlike us,

161
00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:56,481
- are willing to compromise.
- Ah.

162
00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,650
Ahh! Look alive, Whitlock!

163
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,361
Durbin's on the warpath!

164
00:07:01,153 --> 00:07:02,612
All right, class,

165
00:07:02,613 --> 00:07:04,322
I'm back, so start to shut...

166
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,534
up.

167
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,412
Hmm.

168
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,290
Heather, you, uh, finish
those job interviews?

169
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:16,668
Yeah? Who'd ya hire?

170
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:19,671
Somebody had a lotta great
references maybe, huh?

171
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,590
Maybe the boss' nephew.

172
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,345
Yeah.

173
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,097
That's what I thought.

174
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,599
These damn textbooks!

175
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,144
You should all take a page
from how cool Dan Decker is.

176
00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:35,395
You're not gonna see him

177
00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:36,479
thumbing through a biology textbook.

178
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,273
Nobody gave me one yet.

179
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,984
Nobody even gave him
one. How cool is that?

180
00:07:40,985 --> 00:07:42,652
You know what?

181
00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:44,362
Line up with your books
over here. Come on.

182
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,780
Line up with your books, let's go.

183
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,657
Now, you see all these open windows?

184
00:07:47,658 --> 00:07:50,160
Aaaaanybody wanna
guess what happens next?

185
00:07:50,161 --> 00:07:52,036
Mr. Griffin, we can't
throw out our books.

186
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,455
What about the AP test?

187
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:55,123
Oh, can we not throw out the books?

188
00:07:55,124 --> 00:07:56,624
Let's go.

189
00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:58,710
Toss 'em, guys, toss 'em.

190
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,133
Sarika Sarkar, you gonna be okay?

191
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:07,261
Not without my book, no.

192
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,972
Whaaaaah!

193
00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,390
- How'd you know?
- I didn't.

194
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,642
I didn't... Hand to God, I did not know.

195
00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:16,269
Oh, man, I coulda really...

196
00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:17,437
I coulda really hurt you.

197
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:19,856
Whoo! Oh, man.

198
00:08:19,857 --> 00:08:21,483
All right, I was gonna start
in on the interview prep,

199
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,067
but I don't think I can do it, man.

200
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,195
But I could get arrested for
something like that, dude.

201
00:08:27,239 --> 00:08:30,074
Coach. Coach Novak, I need to, uh,

202
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:32,869
talk to you about the budget.

203
00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:35,038
I need to you, uh...

204
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:38,082
I need you to cut down on field chalk.

205
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,543
Can't be, you know,
touching that up every day.

206
00:08:40,544 --> 00:08:42,754
I'm not gonna compromise.

207
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,756
I get it. We're on the same team.

208
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,091
Bu... R... really?!

209
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,592
But while we're talkin' budget,

210
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,385
I need a new P.E. parachute.

211
00:08:49,386 --> 00:08:51,387
The old one got snagged
on a kid's belt buckle.

212
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:53,056
He got whipped across the room,

213
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:56,392
and his buckle gutted
that chute like a trout.

214
00:08:56,393 --> 00:08:58,395
"Never compromise."

215
00:09:00,147 --> 00:09:01,648
First off, I need to know

216
00:09:01,649 --> 00:09:03,358
when students get
whipped across the gym.

217
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:06,694
And secondly, I'm in cutting mode, so...

218
00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:08,613
Oh, I see. You headed
straight to P. E., huh?

219
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,115
Bottom of the totem pole.

220
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,784
Dick, I understand how crucial P.E. is.

221
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,370
You know what I do here?
I tire out the boys!

222
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,580
You realize what a
bunch of hopped-up boys

223
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:20,458
who had full energy
would do to this school?

224
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,460
I'll get you the parachute.

225
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:25,088
Find a way to fix it.

226
00:09:26,715 --> 00:09:28,424
If I didn't tire out the boys,

227
00:09:28,425 --> 00:09:31,094
this school would be rubble by lunch!

228
00:09:31,095 --> 00:09:33,721
Remember, people, this is
for the bookstore interview.

229
00:09:33,722 --> 00:09:35,807
Posture. Eye contact.

230
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,600
And if I get the sense
you're not really trying,

231
00:09:37,601 --> 00:09:39,185
you get an F.

232
00:09:39,186 --> 00:09:43,023
I like big books, and I cannot lie.

233
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,317
I have a 4.125 GPA.

234
00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:48,111
Never talk about grades. No one cares.

235
00:09:48,112 --> 00:09:49,988
They have no impact on life.

236
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:50,989
Next!

237
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,615
And greatest weakness?

238
00:09:52,616 --> 00:09:54,617
- My neck.
- Very literal.

239
00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:58,329
I couldn't even hold my head
up until I was five years old.

240
00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,789
The only job I've ever had

241
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:01,916
was babysitting my little brother.

242
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,501
Look, you guys are trying to
make a good impression here,

243
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:05,128
so you're gonna have to straight-up lie.

244
00:10:05,129 --> 00:10:07,338
If you don't, someone
else will, so it's fine.

245
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:09,174
It's called holistic consequentialism:

246
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,676
the consequences are the
same either way, so...

247
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,595
lying. Go!

248
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,305
My dad is author Stephen King.

249
00:10:15,306 --> 00:10:17,307
I have a normal-strength neck.

250
00:10:17,308 --> 00:10:19,100
If I hear something behind me,

251
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,144
I turn and look without effort.

252
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,146
Well, I hope you're
all inheriting money,

253
00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:24,856
because you're completely unhirable.

254
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,608
I have no choice but to
take a run at this myself,

255
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,485
so get the hell outta my sight.

256
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,379
Now we don't have books?

257
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,383
We might lose a whole academic year.

258
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,260
- We have to do something.
- But what?

259
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,804
He has all the power.

260
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,639
We should all show up at his house,

261
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,224
ambush him, and refuse to leave

262
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:42,934
until he gives us our books back.

263
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,227
- Who's in?
- I'm in.

264
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,978
I wanna see a professor's house.

265
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,981
I bet it's like the library
from "Beauty and the Beast."

266
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,817
We should ask Dan Decker.

267
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:53,487
He's scary, but Mr. Griffin likes him.

268
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:04,372
_

269
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,457
Where is that son of a...

270
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,505
Jack, you are squeezing
that pen so hard.

271
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,631
What are you working on?

272
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,842
- Revenge.
- Oh ho ho ho.

273
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,426
- "Revenge"!
- Somebody call Shonda!

274
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,136
- Revenge!
- Little too dramatic.

275
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,429
"Shonda"...

276
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,973
There he is!

277
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:23,933
Oh, God, not now, Helen, please.

278
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,352
I... I'm working on a writing
project of great importance.

279
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,855
Exactly. You're a big
brainiac with these

280
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,524
big thoughts, and there's no
room in your head for cookies.

281
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,484
That's why I made it even easier for ya.

282
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,861
You know,

283
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,321
I'm not some absentminded
nutty professor

284
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,824
who's baffled by baking.
I simply don't wanna do it.

285
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:43,369
"Nutty Professor" is the
perfect name for your cookies!

286
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,162
That maniac doesn't care

287
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,372
about first impressions at all.

288
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,458
Okay. What? Iron out your panties, Jack.

289
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,210
- Listen...
- Yes, Batman?

290
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,546
I do not bake cookies...

291
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,172
and I will never waver on that.

292
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,884
- Look at his nostrils.
- Girl, they are flaring.

293
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,010
- Has anyone seen my mug?
- Which one.

294
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,386
My Michelle mug.

295
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,221
It's got my name on it, Michelle?

296
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,726
Thank you for calling
Bartholemew's Bookstore.

297
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,061
We appreciate your call.

298
00:12:14,278 --> 00:12:17,071
What is time? Why are we here?

299
00:12:17,072 --> 00:12:18,448
- I'm Miles Leonard...
- No.

300
00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:19,949
- Representative!
- Philosopher

301
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,409
- and MacArthur Genius.
- Representative!

302
00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:22,785
"The Question IS the Answer."

303
00:12:22,786 --> 00:12:25,121
What is time?

304
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:27,332
Why are we here?

305
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,125
I'm Miles Leonard, philosopher

306
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:31,210
- and MacArthur Genius.
- Representative!

307
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:32,920
"The Question IS the Answer."

308
00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:36,257
What is time? Why are we here?

309
00:12:36,258 --> 00:12:38,092
I'm Miles Leonard, Philosopher...

310
00:12:38,093 --> 00:12:40,720
- Oh, shut up!
- My book, "The Question

311
00:12:40,721 --> 00:12:42,096
IS the answer."

312
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:48,311
Representative!

313
00:12:48,312 --> 00:12:51,564
Let's go around back.

314
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:53,399
Hello? Bartholemew's. Kyle speaking.

315
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,068
Hold on, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!

316
00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,069
Hello?

317
00:12:57,154 --> 00:12:58,613
What do you mean, you don't get involved

318
00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,281
in regional staff pics? What if Cliff

319
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:01,991
and his underlings picked "Mein Kampf"?

320
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,661
You've never heard... Well,
it's Adolf Hitler's manifesto.

321
00:13:04,662 --> 00:13:06,537
You might wanna look it up.

322
00:13:06,538 --> 00:13:08,998
"Mein" is spelled like chow mein,

323
00:13:08,999 --> 00:13:10,833
"Kampf" is spelled
like camp. but with a K,

324
00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:12,251
and stick an F at the end.

325
00:13:12,252 --> 00:13:14,170
No, no, no, no, no, do-do-don't...

326
00:13:14,171 --> 00:13:16,130
What is time? Why are we here?

327
00:13:16,131 --> 00:13:17,840
I'm Miles Leonard.

328
00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:20,760
We should leave. This
feels like an intrusion.

329
00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:23,096
Are you kidding? We can use this.

330
00:13:23,097 --> 00:13:25,473
- Ah!
- New plan. If this guy's

331
00:13:25,474 --> 00:13:27,684
gonna teach us, we need to help him.

332
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:30,019
We can't take advantage of whatever...

333
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,354
this is.

334
00:13:34,191 --> 00:13:35,608
Where are you going?

335
00:13:35,609 --> 00:13:37,276
Stick with the plan. He's vulnerable!

336
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:40,863
You guys are wimps! I
should have brought girls.

337
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:42,741
Waaaah!

338
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,380
Okay, here he comes.

339
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:49,715
Everybody remember, be gentle.

340
00:13:49,716 --> 00:13:51,050
This is a man on the edge.

341
00:13:51,051 --> 00:13:53,010
All right, everybody, pipe down.

342
00:13:53,011 --> 00:13:55,138
This plan's on life-support.

343
00:13:58,683 --> 00:14:00,017
Is this a Mormon school?

344
00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:02,019
No, silly!

345
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:04,647
We're doing more interview
prep today, right, Sarika?

346
00:14:04,648 --> 00:14:06,774
Yeah. I'm psyched about it.

347
00:14:06,775 --> 00:14:10,027
We made official resumes.

348
00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:12,446
I watched "Working Girl" last night.

349
00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:15,699
Guys, this is a massive
improvement in attitude.

350
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,786
- Ha.
- This is much more interesting than biology.

351
00:14:18,787 --> 00:14:21,038
Thank you. I... I hate knowledge.

352
00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:22,957
Don't imply that I hate knowledge,

353
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:25,834
but, uh, yeah, why don't we
jump into some interview prep?

354
00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:29,047
Right off the bat, I am
seeing way too many bolo ties.

355
00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:33,467
Durbin Outfitters!

356
00:14:33,468 --> 00:14:35,719
- Durbin Outfitters!
- Hel-lo!

357
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,888
We heard you're giving out money...

358
00:14:37,889 --> 00:14:39,723
No! Who told you that? Is
that what people are saying?

359
00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:42,226
My kids need a monitor
for presentations.

360
00:14:42,227 --> 00:14:45,229
Mine need a microphone
also for presentations.

361
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:47,064
And my kids need this technology

362
00:14:47,065 --> 00:14:49,316
where song lyrics pop up
at the bottom of the screen

363
00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:51,235
and there's like a waterfall
and a woman riding a horse.

364
00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:52,736
A... a karaoke machine?

365
00:14:52,737 --> 00:14:54,154
I can't buy you a karaoke machine!

366
00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:55,739
I'm looking for cuts!

367
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,742
Come on, Durbs. The
staff karaoke machine

368
00:14:58,743 --> 00:15:01,495
has been broken for the
last three semesters.

369
00:15:01,496 --> 00:15:03,414
I know there's a song in you.

370
00:15:03,415 --> 00:15:05,874
I do a pretty good...

371
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,584
"Thriller," along with
the Vincent Price part.

372
00:15:07,585 --> 00:15:08,836
Yes!

373
00:15:08,837 --> 00:15:11,964
I knew it!

374
00:15:11,965 --> 00:15:13,632
Gotta do it... I love it!

375
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:14,675
All right.

376
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:23,893
Oh, crud, I just bought
a karaoke machine.

377
00:15:29,274 --> 00:15:33,068
Oh, geez. There's my sad little guy!

378
00:15:33,069 --> 00:15:34,445
Oh...

379
00:15:34,446 --> 00:15:36,864
- Whooooh!
- Oh, my God, what is this?

380
00:15:36,865 --> 00:15:38,902
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm tapped into your kids, Jack.

381
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:41,352
They told me what happened...

382
00:15:41,453 --> 00:15:44,621
how you microwaved that
fast food taco with lettuce.

383
00:15:44,622 --> 00:15:45,956
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

384
00:15:45,957 --> 00:15:47,875
- The kids were at my house?
- Yeah.

385
00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:50,461
They saw you drinking
and practicing punching,

386
00:15:50,462 --> 00:15:52,921
and they were worried you were having

387
00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:55,174
some kinda breakdown, so they
wanted to do something for you.

388
00:15:55,175 --> 00:15:56,717
That's the reason they went along

389
00:15:56,718 --> 00:15:58,135
with everything I said
today... out of pity?

390
00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:59,803
No. Ram pride!

391
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:01,805
When one of our own has their horns

392
00:16:01,806 --> 00:16:04,308
stuck in that fence, we're there

393
00:16:04,309 --> 00:16:06,310
to pull 'em by the
caboose, and that is why

394
00:16:06,311 --> 00:16:08,145
you are off cookie duty.

395
00:16:08,146 --> 00:16:10,147
Because you're just
under too much strain.

396
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,649
I'm under no strain at
all... my life is great, okay?

397
00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:14,485
And there is absolutely
nothing difficult

398
00:16:14,486 --> 00:16:15,986
about baking cookies.

399
00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:18,238
Sorry, pal, because it's a no.

400
00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:19,990
They would be blood cookies,

401
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:21,992
paid for with your sanity.

402
00:16:21,993 --> 00:16:24,453
You're a ridiculous
person. I'm gonna go.

403
00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,497
Okay.

404
00:16:26,498 --> 00:16:28,999
I was pitied by a pack of dweebs?

405
00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:36,715
Dan Decker. Are you part
of that dork recon team

406
00:16:36,716 --> 00:16:38,842
that's peeping in my windows?

407
00:16:38,843 --> 00:16:40,260
No.

408
00:16:40,261 --> 00:16:42,931
No one really loops me in on anything.

409
00:16:48,269 --> 00:16:50,187
You, uh...

410
00:16:50,188 --> 00:16:52,523
always come out here and
eat lunch by yourself?

411
00:16:52,524 --> 00:16:54,358
Thought you'd be like on a team

412
00:16:54,359 --> 00:16:56,319
or part of a bully crew or something.

413
00:16:57,695 --> 00:17:01,198
Come on, man. What's the deal?

414
00:17:01,199 --> 00:17:03,158
I moved here from
Florida like a year ago,

415
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:06,703
and I'm kinda not that
great at making friends.

416
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:08,790
Can't even talk to the A. P. Bio kids.

417
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:12,376
Is that Heather from class
and the body of Wonder Woman?

418
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:13,544
No, no.

419
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:15,045
It...

420
00:17:15,046 --> 00:17:16,755
You just gotta give
them something they want.

421
00:17:16,756 --> 00:17:19,091
You probably just have to
say the word "Dumbledore,"

422
00:17:19,092 --> 00:17:21,051
and they'd all high-five
each other and go nuts.

423
00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:24,221
But that's not really the path
I like for you anyway, man.

424
00:17:24,222 --> 00:17:26,640
I see you more as like a lone wolf.

425
00:17:26,641 --> 00:17:29,560
I mean, sure, people try to
rope you into their bake sales,

426
00:17:29,561 --> 00:17:31,812
but... take it from this guy.

427
00:17:31,813 --> 00:17:33,981
The life of a lone wolf
can be pretty sweet.

428
00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,024
Dude, I don't wanna be like you.

429
00:17:36,025 --> 00:17:37,360
Your life's a mess.

430
00:17:39,237 --> 00:17:41,238
My life's a mess?

431
00:17:41,239 --> 00:17:44,075
Y... you chose to eat next to trash!

432
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:13,118
Hey, where do you think
you're going with that?

433
00:18:13,785 --> 00:18:15,452
Hey... hey!

434
00:18:47,986 --> 00:18:49,695
This is a croquembouche.

435
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,781
much like your cream
puffs, but more impressive.

436
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:56,660
It is you who will have
the mental breakdown, Helen.

437
00:18:56,661 --> 00:18:59,830
This is a one-time exception.
Write down everything I say

438
00:18:59,831 --> 00:19:02,791
right now. First, never
dress like this again.

439
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,461
Second, I took down
the Miles cutout myself.

440
00:19:05,462 --> 00:19:07,546
I've been banned from
the bookstore for life,

441
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,381
but... that's okay.

442
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,050
The only true sanctuary
I'll have in this town

443
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:13,343
is between these two ears right here.

444
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:16,513
Third, and finally, never pity me.

445
00:19:16,514 --> 00:19:18,390
Did any of you go to Harvard?

446
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:21,018
Have any of you slept with 24 women?

447
00:19:21,019 --> 00:19:23,854
What you saw when you
trespassed on my property

448
00:19:23,855 --> 00:19:25,022
was a man who eats what he wants,

449
00:19:25,023 --> 00:19:26,190
drinks what he wants,

450
00:19:26,191 --> 00:19:29,401
wears... what he wants.

451
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,154
It is a lifestyle most high
school kids would kill for.

452
00:19:32,155 --> 00:19:35,240
It's sad to me that you can't see that.

453
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,367
The only embarrassing part of my day

454
00:19:37,368 --> 00:19:40,746
is the 55 minutes I have to spend here.

455
00:19:45,877 --> 00:19:48,253
One more thing, though.

456
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:51,090
Does anyone have anything to say about

457
00:19:51,091 --> 00:19:52,758
Dumbledore?

458
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,761
- Well, actually...
- Dumbledore was clearly...

459
00:19:58,014 --> 00:19:59,598
Pipe down! Stop!

460
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,725
Stop. Pipe down, pipe down.

461
00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:04,311
One at a time. Let's start with... Dan.

462
00:20:04,312 --> 00:20:05,939
You have the floor.

463
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:18,450
If you're so embarrassed
to teach this class,

464
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,952
Miles is probably the last person

465
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,703
you want getting that picture.

466
00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:24,916
He won't, if you give
the bio textbooks back.

467
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:29,294
Like you said: Give them what they want.

468
00:20:32,882 --> 00:20:35,051
Ha.

469
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,971
One chapter. Of my choosing.

470
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,973
From the middle of the book.

471
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,224
- All right, Dan!
- Way to go, Dan!

472
00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:45,937
- Yeah, Dan!
- All right, Dan.

473
00:20:48,439 --> 00:20:50,816
You're rooted. You're rooted, okay?

474
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,652
No compromise.

475
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,822
Hey, Jack, I am done compromising.

476
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,283
Now, we have blown way
past the sign on this one.

477
00:20:59,284 --> 00:21:01,410
Your class's lab equipment
is due to be upgraded,

478
00:21:01,411 --> 00:21:03,453
but you're just gonna
have to do without.

479
00:21:03,454 --> 00:21:05,747
- Sounds good.
- Sounds g... Really?

480
00:21:05,748 --> 00:21:07,958
You can do that, and you're not
gonna shortchange the students?

481
00:21:07,959 --> 00:21:10,169
Won't affect the lesson plan at all.

482
00:21:17,635 --> 00:21:19,971
Never compromise.

483
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:26,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
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