Previously, on Let's Get Physical.
I'm donating your eight million dollar inheritance to the
winning gym of the Competitive Aerobics Championship.
- What? - Our bodies our temples.
My body's a dive bar.
- You're saying your gym can beat my gym? - It's time for a rematch.
The Craigslist ad is live, we're going to be
swimming in spandex women.
To the best friends a guy could ever have.
- Yeah. - I could not
have taken on Barry without you.
To staying positive and
Testing negative!
Who wants a whiskey shot? Whiskey shot, whiskey shot, whiskey shot,
whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
Bar car, enhance drunk times.
Whiskey body please,
thank you.
You're so great bar car, you're the best.
You're the best.
I bet Barry doesn't have a bar car,
probably has a kale car, or protein mobile.
Oh, I know.
End sleep cycle.
Hello, who is this, it's 3:00 a.m.
Yeah, this is Gary Maldinado
from the, uh, local national observer.
Do you care to comment on the recent murder?
What, who-who got murdered?
You did bitch in front of your minions, Joe Force is back!
- ? Let's get physical, physical ? - Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
You have left me quite a task.
Hard to believe that our son has gotten even dumber.
Do you remember when we first met,
oh I was just a young Brit,
poised to win my first international beauty competition.
When a young, strapping, left-handed knocked on my door.
You told me what Mary Kate Murray had done,
to make up for that appalling Copacabana dance she did,
you know with the ridiculous fruity hat.
Did we panic?
No.
Oh no, we fell in love.
Trying to find another way to win, we always won.
We were a team, we did it together,
I was a young girl full of dreams.
But when they placed that tiara on my head,
I became a woman with a vision.
Do any of you remember what happened after 3:00 a.m.?
Now... now I'm sure you all have a lot of questions
twirling in your minds.
Did last night's celebration turn into an orgy,
with your best friends mother?
When Joseph finds out do you think he might want to
murder you all with a cinder block?
Or is today the day the Guns Van Bovi officially breaks up?
The answer to all three is a resounding yes.
Well I'm going to make sure that Joseph fulfills his destiny
as head of the family and I am not going to let any of you
disgusting freeloaders get in his way.
And by the way, you came too quick.
You were limp, until Gout took his clothes off,
and you have an innie penis, and none of you made me squeal
so I suggest you all leave quickly, quicker than you came.
_
Uh Clarence, Snacks, that was fantastic.
Sorry about the music, my band's supposed
to be here but they're running late.
They're running alright.
Ah, you guys seem like a real team,
how long you been together?
Uh, we met out in the parking lot.
Wow that is impressive.
I'd love to see you in some spandex and show you some moves.
You better slow down because you can't hire them
until we've reviewed their applications.
Clarence Carter, mmm, age 30-ish,
email, ihadfiveonitindoweed@clarence69.com
Oh, it says here that your last employment was as a
line cook at the Norfolk Institution for Men?
That's right ma'am I did a short stint for check fraud okay,
but ever since then I've been a law abiding Craig head.
Ex-con and a drug addict, no you may go.
No Mom-Mom, Craig head, uh, it's Craigslist,
he found our ad on Craigslist.
Uh, yeah, it's fine.
Uh, Snacks, uh, you only wrote down Snacks.
- Mmm. - See, when I was just a little man,
you know my mom couldn't afford a sitter,
you know what I'm saying, so she used to
leave me in a room with a bowl of water on the floor and...
and a box of snacks.
Oh my, that's so horrible, I'm so sorry.
I'm playin' with you man, come on man.
I robbed my high school snack shop, you know what I'm sayin'
started my own mobile shop baby, self-made, come on.
Well you can leave now and make sure you don't
steal anything on your way out.
Whoa, hold up, hold up.
Let me popcorn shrimp this for you right quick.
- Excuse me, you're going to what? - Ah...
Explain myself lady.
Look Metrix is handing out a month-long membership
to every dancer in town.
Now Snacks and I, we're pretty much a package deal right.
- Fact. - So,
not only we the best dancers you're going to see today
we are probably the only dancers you're going to see today.
Well let me give you a kernel of popcorn shrimp,
Fitness by Force has never hired criminals for their team
and we're not about to start now, so
I suggest you leave now.
What are you doing?
If we hired them, we'd be one girl short of a full team.
Well once I assemble a team that is not comprised of delinquents,
we're going to have to train everyday
and we're going to have to start crafting a press campaign
that supports your comeback.
Approaching this like a stupid pageant
is exactly how we lose.
Didn't you witness my comeback last night?
That was amazing and unexpected.
And that's how we win dad's money,
with unexpected dancers like those two.
When your father was coaching our teams,
they were training a year in advance.
Now, regionals, only a month away
and I need aerobic athletes to coach.
Oh, you're never going to be the coach of this team.
The mascot maybe, the Jumping Janet, or the Raging Queen.
No, now look I am not your help or your mascot, I am your mother,
and your coach. Where are you going?
I'm going to find out where my band is drinking
and then I'm going to the Metrix to steal some of Barry's dancers,
'cause screw him!
Remember my fellow aerobians, there is no judgment here.
- Don't do that, don't do that. - Uh-huh.
We breathe as one, we work as one.
That's amazing-ly annoying to look at.
_
Eliminated, please go home.
Eliminated, dimples uneven.
No, please Mr. Cross don't cut me.
I've wanted this my whole life.
We just started the team last night.
Okay, I wanted this since last night.
Aerobics judges look for symmetry not this...
Picasso thing you got going on here, respectfully.
Alright, rhythmic monkey claps, five, six, seven, eight.
Clap clap, clap clap clap. Clap clap, up.
This place is packed for tryouts.
They can't use everyone,
we'll just wait for a good reject, like me.
Bingo, a crying girl, my specialty.
Only one person can make someone cry like this.
Barry Cross, trust me.
Dear, what happened?
He said my dimples were uneven.
Honey, I used to compete in pageants
and I can tell you without a doubt that your smile would win them all.
Unless of course I was competing, in which case,
runner-up is nothing to be ashamed of.
Hey your crying, which means you have emotions.
- So I know you're not a Metrix robot. - Mmm.
Why don't you dance for us?
She can't, she works for us.
Oh, what are you worried about?
You think my son's too fat and lazy to win anyway.
I'm not..
I'm chubby and tired.
How can you be sweating just standing there?
I'm wearing a jean jacket.
Why don't you come and dance for us,
we will offer you a salary, stock options...
Uh no, everyone who tried out with us signed a non-compete clause
so no one here can legally dance with you.
You should go get ready for your shift. Choo choo.
Look you can keep your pretty little internet minions,
but every great dancer was once an underdog
that needed to be discovered.
Great, why don't you go discover someone else to harass.
Come on, Mom.
I'm so glad we broke up.
Bye!
My lioness.
I love watching you track and hunt our prey,
- it gets me so turned on. - Mmm.
Well, the last one to the office, is the bottom.
Oh no, my shoes are untied I have to run slowly
'cause I'm going to be a bottom when I have sex with my wife!
_
- _ - Hey Joe, it's Gout.
Me and the band got your messages sorry we've been ghosting you.
As you probably know, we were on our way back
to McDappy's when your mom told us what happened.
We just couldn't believe it,
we've even pulled over to figure it out.
I smelled Rick's dick, Rick smelt my dick,
then Andre smelt both of our dicks, and we smelled his.
Uh, it got real confusing so we just went to IHOP.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is...
we think we all banged your mom
and we're sorry that we're mother (BLEEP)ers.
You f(BLEEP)ed my band?
The whole band?
Andre, Rick and Gout?
His name is Gout!
Oh yes, I remember Gout. He was very aggressive.
Do you know what they've done on Kid Rock cruises?
I had to get rid of them so you could focus on winning our money.
Mom, you don't have to f(BLEEP) people to get rid of them.
Oh, well, with those buffoons around,
there was no way in the world that you were ever going to win.
I already am a winner.
Well, here's another way of looking at it.
Are you?
I swear that by the time this is over,
I will return our family to glory again.
Great. So you can be in charge of glory,
and I will assemble the team and I will coach them to victory.
Why? So you can bang them too?
No, no, no, no. I will assemble the team,
and I will coach us to victory.
You can't even assemble a sandwich.
You watch, by the end of today, I will have assembled a team
and they will be eating sandwiches, that I made!
Woo. Looking for dancers. Do you dance?
- Do you want to dance? No, okay. - Go away.
Maybe somebody else will.
- Oh, do you dance? - Huh?
No, no.
You don't have to wad it up.
- I want Navy Seal knees. - _
And Jane Fonda arms.
I want fab foxy hands.
And Richard Simmons ass.
Hey, want a beef stick?
- Eww. - No, I want you to dance for a beef stick,
like an actual beef stick. Okay, fine.
Are you dancers? Do you dance?
- Ah! Ah, come on, - Get lost, buddy.
just say no.
The movie is called "Perfect" for a reason.
Become one with these Jamie Lee Curtis pelvic thrusts.
Looking for dancers. Do you dance?
Hey, I'm talking to you!
Feel that control.
Feel that raw sexuality.
Here you go, sonny.
Hey baby, you dance?
_
Good natural intracellular viscosity.
Oh, Barry...
Just a second, babe. I'm just finishing up a jiggle test.
Very little rippling. Very good, Okay.
I'm going to review your soft spots report,
and I'll have an answer for you in the morning.
- Thank you very much. - You have perfect breasts
and a perfect buttocks.
She is perfect for mixed pairs.
Baby, how is it that you can finish a class,
and still smell even better than you did before?
I mean, your... your sexy sweat pheromones have
my alpha-wolf senses jacked to the max.
That's a f(BLEEP)ing great name for a supplement.
Alpha-Wolf Max. Let's write that down.
You see, this... this rivalry with Joe has my primal instincts renewed.
What's the matter? Something's wrong.
My instincts tell me something's wrong.
I'm an intuitive man, something's wrong. Oh, wait a minute.
Honey, we haven't done our DOD boards today. I'm so sorry, I...
No, no. It's not about that.
- That's what it is. I'm an idiot. - No.
I've been so up in my own head. Okay,
Cross Control, pull up our Devotion of the Day boards.
Devotion of the Day.
Look into your partner's eyes, and share what scares you the most.
Ready? One, two, three.
- Simple sugars. - Being replaced.
Wait, what?
Yeah, you wouldn't get it.
Um, I'm going to go take a shower.
Alone.
You smell good.
_
What are you doing here?
I just wanted to meet the team you assembled
- and give them my blessing. - Ah, well,
they're out on a 5K run. Coaches orders.
Oh, so your, uh, training meal-plan
is to feed them fast food after the run?
Yup. It's a new weight loss technique from Iceland.
It's all the rage.
Fine, there's no team.
So, are you ready for some help?
Yeah.
Good, well then, come with me.
I need to show you something.
- Can I eat? - No.
Well, I'm definitely going to change.
- Come on, I'm hungry. - I told you.
Come on.
Oh, thank you, Mary.
Oh, just such wonderful service.
That's why I always love coming here.
Whatever, lady.
- Mmm. - Is this what you wanted to show me?
Booze-less coffee and a dying waitress?
Do you know who that waitress is?
Don't tell me that's my real mother.
Good god, no.
My hips ache every time I look at your swollen ham head.
No, no, that was my old rival.
My Barry Cross.
Her name is Mary Kate Murray.
Mom, what did you do to her?
Cut her brake lines, spent two months in the hospital.
And now you come here in a disguise and make her serve you fruit cups?
Mom, that's horrible.
Unlike this cantaloupe, victory has no expiration date.
I mean, look at her...
that's what losing looks like.
And this is what winning tastes like.
Mmm.
See that bitch over there?
She comes in here once a week in that Audrey Hepburn get up
and she thinks I don't recognize her.
And every week I hock a loogie in her goddamn cantaloupe.
Ugh.
I get it, I will work with you.
But I will never forgive you for sleeping with my band.
Oh, Joseph, you've got so much to learn.
Did you think that I cut her brakes,
do you think that I had carnal knowledge with your band or...
do you think that those were all lies for the greater purpose?
Are you saying that you didn't have sex with my band?
Yes, Joseph, that's exactly what I'm saying.
I so want to be mad at you now,
but I can't because I'm impressed.
Oh, we're going to be a team together,
we need to trust each other, hmm?
No more lies.
Fine, okay, you find a girl, I'll get two more dancers
and then we'll meet back at Fitness by Force.
Did you really believe that your band would nail your Mummy?
Are you kidding, they'd get into a fist fight
for a back alley blow job from Mary.
_
We now have finalists in every category.
_
Minor's team.
Finalists for the trios.
I, of course, will crush Fat Joe in the individual's competition.
Now the only other category
that's set in stone is mixed pairs.
Oh, I'm flattered.
That would be a lot of fun actually
but you need to focus on winning,
and I will focus on managing, okay?
Like that sexy Gerard Butler movie,
you run the empire while I go off to war.
Yeah.
You think they CGI'd his abs?
Oh, definitely, those are not real.
Yeah, just think, you just go to the gym, do the work, but no...
Cross Control, foreplay of the day.
- Foreplay of the day. - That's not a program.
Beta testing. Log data.
Look into your partner's eyes, and verbally arouse them.
Oh, I wanna...
snort branched chain amino acids off your gluteus Maximus
and blow on your love bean.
I wanna... I wanna pluck out your mustache hairs
- and choke you out with my thighs. - Oh...
I...
I want to...
bench press your toned body
and play Beethoven's Fifth on your pubic patch.
Oh my god, baby.
I want to suck your eyeballs out
and spit them into a f(BLEEP)ing dirty martini.
Data log complete. I got to go.
Suck my eyeballs out, that would kill me.
_
Good Tina, so I want you to start today.
- Perfect. - Good. We can...
The crying car girl?
Her name is Tina, and I just hired her to be
our new office manager and your mixed pairs partner.
Oh, what about the non-compete clause?
After I got cut, I kind of freaked out
and choked Mr. Cross in his office.
I have a bit of a temper. Usually I have it under control,
but stress and emotional situations
can trigger another Tina, a darker Tina.
I like you.
But then he fired me and wiped away all of my records from the Metrix.
So, who did you hire?
Joe mother(BLEEP)ing Force.
The dancing criminals, absolutely not.
Oh, so Snack stole some candy bars and he can't be apart of the team.
But you cut a woman's brakes and that's okay?
- Mom, we're all criminals. - Hey, hey, hey, check it out Judge Moody,
after you kicked us out we spent an entire day
watching aerobics videos on YouTube.
- Re-re-re-re-re-research! - Re-re-research!
They worked, Mom.
Hi, I'm Geoff with a G,
and I'm stepping hot for the Myrtle Beach per minute.
I like tight clothes and fast cars.
I'm Larry from Las Vegas Legwarmers,
- I like slots by day and squats by night. - Let me try.
Hi, I'm Tina and I have hairless rescue cat
and I've only had two sexual partners.
Damn it, Tina, you're making me look bad.
Are we really going to rely on that?
Hey, Mom, it's trust, teamwork and a whole lot of flare.
Fine, they can join the team.
But can you lead them?
Can I lead them, watch this!
- Ready, guys? - Yeah.
- What-what? - Yeah. Hell, yeah.
Here we go, and five, six, seven, eight.
Fist pump, fist pump, jumping jacks,
grape vine to the right, jump, grape vine to the left,
jump and twist and ribs.
All right, let's try that again, are you ready?
- Yeah! Yeah! - Here we go,
and five, six, seven, eight.
On the next Let's Get Physical.
My dad left us something in a safe deposit box.
- What is this? - What's in the box?
You don't want to play hardball with me.
Hardball, Foosball.
If I could guarantee that you walk away
with four million dollars, no matter what.
No, no!
The never before seen aerobics move that I want to share with...
Yes!
Grandma's House
Sync & corrections by PetaG - www.addic7ed.com -