1
00:00:04,891 --> 00:00:06,974
_

2
00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:10,223
Moving day. Boy, I'm really
gonna miss this house.

3
00:00:10,248 --> 00:00:11,426
Thank you so much, Mom and Dad.

4
00:00:11,451 --> 00:00:14,176
I don't know what we
would've done without you. Oh.

5
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,865
- Thanks, Dad.
- Oh, well, you would've stayed

6
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:19,333
in a hotel with the insurance
money allocated for that purpose.

7
00:00:19,335 --> 00:00:21,135
Oh, no, this worked out way better.

8
00:00:21,137 --> 00:00:23,430
And to show you our
appreciation, I want you to be

9
00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:24,417
on the lookout for a little

10
00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:26,345
- special delivery thank you gift.
- Mmm.

11
00:00:26,370 --> 00:00:28,448
Oh, you guys not moving back in's

12
00:00:28,479 --> 00:00:29,720
all the thanks we need.

13
00:00:29,745 --> 00:00:31,501
Very funny, Dad.

14
00:00:31,526 --> 00:00:32,735
It's John.

15
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,948
Right. John. Right.

16
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:35,683
Miss you guys.

17
00:00:35,685 --> 00:00:37,402
Bye, Poop-Poop.

18
00:00:37,427 --> 00:00:39,193
Who taught you that?

19
00:00:43,985 --> 00:00:45,567
- Hey.
- Hi.

20
00:00:45,569 --> 00:00:46,735
What's in the box?

21
00:00:46,737 --> 00:00:48,437
Uh, the new toilet you ordered.

22
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,607
Oh, I didn't order that.

23
00:00:50,632 --> 00:00:54,301
Oh! That might be a present
from my stupid son-in-law.

24
00:00:54,326 --> 00:00:57,045
That makes sense. He's put
a lot of miles on our toilet.

25
00:00:57,047 --> 00:00:59,014
Well, he must like you.

26
00:00:59,016 --> 00:01:01,250
It's one of those fancy
Japanese electric deals.

27
00:01:02,820 --> 00:01:05,254
Ah, that reminds me of a joke.

28
00:01:05,256 --> 00:01:07,466
- Are you Japanese?
- I am.

29
00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:09,658
Then never mind.

30
00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:14,796
Oh, what, no, don't be afraid.

31
00:01:14,798 --> 00:01:16,198
This is Tomo.

32
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,433
Tomo, this is Joanie.

33
00:01:18,435 --> 00:01:20,102
Joan-nee.

34
00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:24,840
Must everything be robotic?

35
00:01:24,842 --> 00:01:28,177
Please, get this out of the
house before it drowns us all.

36
00:01:28,179 --> 00:01:30,245
But this was a thank-you
gift from Tim and Heather.

37
00:01:30,247 --> 00:01:32,848
It took me five hours
to sync up our phones.

38
00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,883
You gave this my number?

39
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:37,098
I don't want a toilet calling me.

40
00:01:37,123 --> 00:01:38,020
Oh, she won't.

41
00:01:38,022 --> 00:01:40,822
Um, but she will warm your butt cheeks.

42
00:01:40,824 --> 00:01:43,292
While she's reading you a book.

43
00:01:43,294 --> 00:01:45,027
Hop on.

44
00:01:45,029 --> 00:01:47,262
She's on the second
chapter of Mockingjay.

45
00:01:47,264 --> 00:01:49,665
I will not "hop on"

46
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:53,168
You know how I feel about
peeing on something with a name.

47
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,213
Oh, come on, Joanie. Give Tomo a chance.

48
00:01:55,238 --> 00:01:57,439
Just one little tinkle,
that's all I ask.

49
00:01:57,441 --> 00:02:00,342
I tinkle on my terms.

50
00:02:03,556 --> 00:02:05,320
Aw.

51
00:02:05,345 --> 00:02:07,549
I'm sorry, Tomo. She'll come around.

52
00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:09,608
But, in the meantime...

53
00:02:10,254 --> 00:02:13,922
I got a little something
special for you.

54
00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:16,225
Hey, you ordered those
bobbleheads of our family

55
00:02:16,227 --> 00:02:18,060
as a thank-you gift
for my parents, right?

56
00:02:18,062 --> 00:02:19,628
Yeah, I worked really hard
on the one for your dad...

57
00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:21,363
I'm sorry, Mr. Short...

58
00:02:21,365 --> 00:02:23,820
But I'm sure he's gonna hate
it just like he hates me.

59
00:02:23,845 --> 00:02:26,702
No! I can't hold anymore.

60
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:29,202
When I buy myself a
$2000 Japanese toilet,

61
00:02:29,227 --> 00:02:31,206
you'd think they'd have
better customer service.

62
00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:33,408
You spent $2000 on a toilet?

63
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:35,777
Well, yeah, people spend half
their lives on the toilet.

64
00:02:35,779 --> 00:02:38,080
No, babe, that's just you.

65
00:02:42,946 --> 00:02:45,920
Oh. Hey, Da... I mean, John.

66
00:02:45,945 --> 00:02:47,823
Oh. Tim, thank you for my present.

67
00:02:47,825 --> 00:02:50,195
It's taught me so much about myself.

68
00:02:50,220 --> 00:02:52,294
- It came already? Man, that was fast.
- Mm-hmm.

69
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:54,863
Hey, what did you think of the
"John?" It looks perfect, right?

70
00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:56,798
Are you kidding? It's more than perfect.

71
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,767
Joanie's a little afraid of it, though.

72
00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,202
She thinks it's out to get her.

73
00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:01,891
It's that lifelike?

74
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:03,672
It's like it has a soul.

75
00:03:03,674 --> 00:03:07,313
I felt so elated when I sat on it.

76
00:03:08,024 --> 00:03:09,378
- Oh.
- Yeah.

77
00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,046
Cool, yeah, well, whatever.

78
00:03:11,048 --> 00:03:12,347
I'm sure Joanie's gonna love it too,

79
00:03:12,349 --> 00:03:14,513
once I convince her to sit on it.

80
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:18,754
You know, deep down I always
knew she was a little freaky.

81
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:24,926
Oh.

82
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,231
Oh, no.

83
00:03:32,056 --> 00:03:33,837
Is that Vivaldi?

84
00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:41,176
Ooh. Mmm.

85
00:03:43,678 --> 00:03:46,559
Hey, I just got off the phone
with the delivery company,

86
00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,841
and they said my
toilet was shipped here.

87
00:03:48,866 --> 00:03:51,682
Duh. I already thanked you for that.

88
00:03:51,707 --> 00:03:55,058
In fact, I just got off a
30 minute wash and wax. Whoo.

89
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,192
Oh, no, John, that
toilet wasn't meant f...

90
00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:00,442
John. I just tried the super-toilet.

91
00:04:00,732 --> 00:04:03,378
And you were right.

92
00:04:03,403 --> 00:04:04,417
I feel warm

93
00:04:04,442 --> 00:04:06,136
and I feel loved in a way

94
00:04:06,138 --> 00:04:08,790
that nobody's ever loved me.

95
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,941
Wait. B-But Joan, you don't understand.

96
00:04:10,943 --> 00:04:14,877
No, I didn't, but now, I do.

97
00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:17,614
Arigato.

98
00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:20,083
Oh, Joanie, you can't make
jokes like that anymore.

99
00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:22,216
You can always stay here,

100
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:25,210
anytime your house burns down.

101
00:04:32,698 --> 00:04:34,231
Hey, John.

102
00:04:34,233 --> 00:04:35,498
Please.

103
00:04:36,098 --> 00:04:37,267
Call me Dad.

104
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,569
- Really?
- Yeah.

105
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:43,039
Okay. Well, Dad, here's the thing, uh...

106
00:04:43,041 --> 00:04:44,507
Mm-hmm?

107
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,244
You're welcome.

108
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,179
Just use it in good health.

109
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,065
Well, thank you.

110
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,617
Look, uh, a bunch of
bobbleheads came today.

111
00:04:53,619 --> 00:04:55,752
Um, did you order these,

112
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:58,204
or did I piss off another gypsy?

113
00:04:58,229 --> 00:04:59,789
Oh, tho... no, those
are creepy, you know.

114
00:04:59,814 --> 00:05:01,760
I don't know what those are,
but I'll... you know what?

115
00:05:01,785 --> 00:05:03,093
Just give them to me,
I'll throw them in the...

116
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:04,294
No, it's all right. I'll take them out

117
00:05:04,296 --> 00:05:06,029
to the trash. You...

118
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:20,243
God, you're a sexy bitch.

119
00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:27,665
_

120
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,522
Oh, hey, sweetie. How was school?

121
00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:34,791
Well, my most basic childhood instinct

122
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,926
is urging me to say "fine"

123
00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:38,800
but if I'm being honest,

124
00:05:38,825 --> 00:05:41,425
I had an emotionally rich day.

125
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:43,706
Wow. I wasn't ready for that.

126
00:05:43,731 --> 00:05:44,714
What happened today?

127
00:05:44,739 --> 00:05:46,169
Well, a bunch of my friends were talking

128
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,971
about how they shaved their legs

129
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,604
and how that changed their lives.

130
00:05:49,629 --> 00:05:51,408
But then Jared Shuman

131
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:53,143
had a seizure in computer lab

132
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:56,112
and ruined $50,000 worth of equipment.

133
00:05:56,114 --> 00:05:57,781
Oh, my God.

134
00:05:57,783 --> 00:06:00,116
Girls in your class
are shaving their legs?

135
00:06:00,118 --> 00:06:04,471
Yup. They said it cut their
sleeping bag entry time in half.

136
00:06:04,496 --> 00:06:06,423
I think I'm gonna go
start shaving mine, too.

137
00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:08,992
Uh, whoa, hey. Yeah, not
in my house, you're not.

138
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,027
Well, what about Mom-Mom
and Pop-Pop's house?

139
00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:14,164
Pop-Pop has a toilet
that plays "Let It Go"

140
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,920
Yeah, nobody's house. Okay?

141
00:06:15,945 --> 00:06:16,951
You're just way too young.

142
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,735
But everyone's gonna make fun of me.

143
00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:21,102
I'm gonna be the hairiest kid in school.

144
00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:24,223
No.That is so not true.
What about that sixth grader

145
00:06:24,248 --> 00:06:26,248
with the sideburns that
go all the way down?

146
00:06:26,273 --> 00:06:27,744
They connect with his beard.

147
00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:30,180
Chewbacca? The lunch...
That's the lunch lady.

148
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,181
Oh.

149
00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,315
Come on, Mom.

150
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:33,783
You are still way too young

151
00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,151
to shave your legs.

152
00:06:35,153 --> 00:06:37,536
End of story.

153
00:06:38,504 --> 00:06:39,551
Fine.

154
00:06:41,559 --> 00:06:44,448
That is incredibly sweet
that you still bring Tyler

155
00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:47,197
a cup of coffee even after your breakup.

156
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,332
- Well, some couples like to
keep things fresh. - Mmm.

157
00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:51,301
We just like to keep them confusing.

158
00:06:51,719 --> 00:06:54,286
Okay.

159
00:06:55,307 --> 00:06:57,807
What's with the jeans under the dress?

160
00:06:57,809 --> 00:06:59,542
Is that some sort of
weird gender statement?

161
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,118
Please help me before
I say the wrong thing.

162
00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:04,280
I think you've already
said the wrong thing.

163
00:07:04,282 --> 00:07:06,569
I'm just trying to avoid the ridicule

164
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,727
of my freshly-shaven peers.

165
00:07:08,752 --> 00:07:10,076
Oh. See you after school,

166
00:07:10,101 --> 00:07:12,055
if I'm not shoved in a locker.

167
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:13,857
Okay.

168
00:07:15,679 --> 00:07:17,994
Hey, how old were you
when you started shaving?

169
00:07:17,996 --> 00:07:20,497
Oh, I'm just naturally
hairless from the neck down.

170
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,546
Oh. Mm-hmm.

171
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,308
Get out.

172
00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:29,547
- Sophia?!
- Over here, Sophia's mom!

173
00:07:29,572 --> 00:07:31,001
Oh, God.

174
00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,976
Oh, honey! What happened? Are you hurt?

175
00:07:32,978 --> 00:07:36,133
Do I need to threaten to sue the
school again? 'Cause I'll do it.

176
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,847
Beverly here. Team manager.

177
00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:39,182
Nice to meet you, ma'am.

178
00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:40,683
Yeah, hi.

179
00:07:40,685 --> 00:07:43,535
Looks like we got a
classic case of overheating.

180
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,232
The orange slice is on the way.

181
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,137
Okay, good. Well, you know what,

182
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:49,659
you can't play soccer in your jeans.

183
00:07:49,661 --> 00:07:51,895
- Can I shave my legs then?
- No.

184
00:07:51,897 --> 00:07:54,230
Well, then it looks like Beverly
and I are gonna be spending

185
00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:56,965
a lot more time together this season.

186
00:07:56,990 --> 00:07:57,934
Yes!

187
00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,436
Mm.

188
00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:02,434
Oh!

189
00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,878
Honey, don't you want to take those off?

190
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,447
Nobody here's gonna judge you, okay?

191
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,916
I think the denim is
really weighing you down.

192
00:08:12,918 --> 00:08:14,684
It's just the weight of my leg hair.

193
00:08:14,686 --> 00:08:16,286
Oh, Sophia.

194
00:08:17,377 --> 00:08:18,662
Besides...

195
00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:22,125
this is what Pop-Pop wears to swim.

196
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:23,503
Right, Pop-Pop?

197
00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:26,594
It's easier than putting on sunscreen.

198
00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:30,110
Hey. Can I come in?

199
00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:32,769
Sure.

200
00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:38,374
Oh, those are still fully wet.

201
00:08:38,376 --> 00:08:40,810
Pop-Pop said it's best
to let them dry on you,

202
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,079
so that they form a casing. Mm.

203
00:08:43,081 --> 00:08:46,184
Yeah. Okay, listen, sweetie.

204
00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:49,085
As hard as it is for me to watch
my little girl become a woman,

205
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:51,588
it is so much harder for
me to watch you suffer.

206
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:54,790
So... you can shave your legs.

207
00:08:54,815 --> 00:08:56,559
- Really?
- Yeah.

208
00:08:56,561 --> 00:08:58,528
- Thanks, Mom!
- Oh. Mm.

209
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:00,797
All right, come on, let's go. I'll
show you how to do it in the bathtub.

210
00:09:00,799 --> 00:09:02,832
Uh, that's okay. I can do it myself.

211
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,701
Oh, no, no, no. We are
gonna go in there and make

212
00:09:04,703 --> 00:09:06,669
some very beautiful mother-daughter
memories together, okay?

213
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,569
So, let's get those pants off.

214
00:09:08,594 --> 00:09:10,807
Yeah, I'm cool. Maybe later.

215
00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:13,221
Sophia. Take your pants off.

216
00:09:13,246 --> 00:09:15,250
Let's go. I'm gonna
teach you how to shave.

217
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,485
No.

218
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:19,115
- Take your pants off, Sophia.
- No.

219
00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:20,416
- Why won't you take your...
- No!

220
00:09:20,418 --> 00:09:21,584
- No, no, no.
- I'm your... Yes. I am gonna

221
00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:23,186
teach you how to shave your legs.

222
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:24,420
- Jeans off.
- No, thank you.

223
00:09:24,422 --> 00:09:26,207
- Why won't you take your pants off?
- Mother!

224
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,457
Because...

225
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:30,126
I already shaved.

226
00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:32,903
Oh! With what?! A machete?

227
00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:34,884
No. Dad's back razor.

228
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:37,433
That's why I've been wearing the jeans.

229
00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:40,027
- It was a bloodbath, Mom.
- Ugh.

230
00:09:40,052 --> 00:09:42,029
You're lucky I'm still standing.

231
00:09:42,054 --> 00:09:44,841
And before you get upset,
just know that I never want

232
00:09:44,843 --> 00:09:47,498
to shave again, so you win.

233
00:09:47,523 --> 00:09:50,446
Besides, I mean, my hair was
pretty blonde to begin with.

234
00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:54,495
Oh. Hmm. Sophia, don't you know
that once you start shaving,

235
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:57,957
your hair comes back darker and thicker?

236
00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:58,788
What?

237
00:09:58,790 --> 00:10:00,597
Yeah. Look at this.

238
00:10:00,622 --> 00:10:02,458
I just shaved at lunch.

239
00:10:02,638 --> 00:10:03,826
No.

240
00:10:03,828 --> 00:10:05,867
Welcome to womanhood, honey.

241
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,695
_

242
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,710
- Greg.
- Don't answer it.

243
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,082
It's that crazy guy Finn,

244
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,398
the guy who tried to kill
Old Lady Halperin's dog.

245
00:10:20,423 --> 00:10:24,255
The only thing crazy is you
referring to Mrs. Halperin

246
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,593
as "Old Lady Halperin."

247
00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:28,523
What are you, in a Grimms' fable?

248
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:29,685
Hi!

249
00:10:29,687 --> 00:10:30,912
- Hey!
- Hi!

250
00:10:30,937 --> 00:10:34,467
We have a big announcement!

251
00:10:34,492 --> 00:10:36,402
You're having a baby?

252
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,859
No! We're having a party.

253
00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:39,661
You know I don't like
babies, and the fact

254
00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:42,164
that I can't have them fits
perfectly into that plan.

255
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,298
- Right.
- It's a little get-together

256
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:44,194
tomorrow afternoon,

257
00:10:44,219 --> 00:10:46,371
and we want you to be there.

258
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,999
Oh! Uh, yeah, no, we can't make it,

259
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,623
because we're, are, um...

260
00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:53,173
we're going to San
Diego for the weekend.

261
00:10:53,198 --> 00:10:53,993
Right, Jen?

262
00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:55,839
For, uh, your, uh, lawyer thing?

263
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,630
Right. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

264
00:10:57,632 --> 00:11:01,300
We are. We are going to... Lawyer-Con.

265
00:11:01,302 --> 00:11:04,971
Which is like Comic-Con,
except everyone is normal

266
00:11:04,973 --> 00:11:08,041
on the outside and
monsters on the inside.

267
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:10,243
Hmm... We should just cancel
our party and go to that.

268
00:11:10,245 --> 00:11:11,644
God, we could Airbnb it. Just take

269
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:14,871
- the Surfliner down. Yes!
- Oh! We could all go together!

270
00:11:14,911 --> 00:11:15,785
Just kidding!

271
00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:17,350
- It sounds genuinely horrible!
- Ugh!

272
00:11:17,352 --> 00:11:19,352
We would never do that!

273
00:11:19,354 --> 00:11:20,783
God, we're gonna miss you guys

274
00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:21,539
- at the party though,
- Yes.

275
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:22,855
Because when we get
there, it's like, oh...

276
00:11:22,857 --> 00:11:24,891
And we're doing the... And one of these.

277
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,565
Yeah, okay, bye!

278
00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:28,327
Greg, what are you doing?

279
00:11:28,329 --> 00:11:30,663
- He was in the middle of talking.
- Oh. Was he?

280
00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:33,199
Yes. And when someone's in the
middle of talking, you don't just...

281
00:11:33,201 --> 00:11:35,968
Better go lock the back door.

282
00:11:38,373 --> 00:11:40,208
? Hey, hey, hey, hey... ?

283
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,608
What? Finn and Dianna got an outdoor bar

284
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,310
and a taco truck?

285
00:11:44,335 --> 00:11:45,645
Greg!

286
00:11:45,647 --> 00:11:47,180
I want to go!

287
00:11:47,182 --> 00:11:49,128
No, no, Jen, get down from there!

288
00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:50,116
If they see us, they're gonna know

289
00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:51,517
that we lied to them!

290
00:11:51,519 --> 00:11:53,853
Ugh. Fine.

291
00:11:53,855 --> 00:11:55,154
So we're trapped.

292
00:11:55,156 --> 00:11:56,522
Yeah. But it'll be all right,

293
00:11:56,524 --> 00:11:58,091
as long as we don't make too much noise.

294
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,667
Greg? Jen?

295
00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:01,461
It's Mom!

296
00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:04,734
Jen? Is Greg okay?

297
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:06,532
It's your parents. We can't let them in.

298
00:12:06,534 --> 00:12:09,320
Well, maybe they're in
the bedroom making love.

299
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:12,004
Wishful thinking, Joanie.

300
00:12:12,006 --> 00:12:12,905
Hey!

301
00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:14,336
Old!

302
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,141
And Older!

303
00:12:15,143 --> 00:12:16,342
I'm gonna have to ask you to step away

304
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:17,777
from my friends' door.

305
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,445
Oh, we're visiting our son.

306
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,013
Well, I think if he was your son,

307
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,915
then you'd know that he's not in town.

308
00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:25,685
No... I'm telling you,
we're visiting our son.

309
00:12:25,687 --> 00:12:27,720
Get away from my neighbors' house!

310
00:12:27,722 --> 00:12:29,722
- We're here! We're here!
- Oh!

311
00:12:29,724 --> 00:12:30,623
- We're here!
- Oh!

312
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,557
We're home.

313
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,326
I thought you guys were in San Diego.

314
00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:36,496
Oh, yeah, you know what, uh,
Lawyer-Con was-was canceled.

315
00:12:36,498 --> 00:12:38,998
- Yeah.
- Yeah. A lawyer slipped and fell,

316
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,167
and then everyone
started suing everybody.

317
00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:42,935
- It was a whole situation.
- Mm.

318
00:12:42,937 --> 00:12:44,709
- So you know these people?
- Yes!

319
00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:47,006
- Yes, I know them. They are my parents.
- Yes. Yeah.

320
00:12:47,008 --> 00:12:48,241
- Ah! Oh!
- Oh!

321
00:12:48,243 --> 00:12:49,976
Guys, what are you doing here?

322
00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,778
Your father wanted to talk to Lark.

323
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,347
He doesn't like the
way she says his name.

324
00:12:56,085 --> 00:12:58,014
Hi, Poop-Poop!

325
00:12:58,039 --> 00:12:59,752
She's doing that on purpose.

326
00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:02,255
How would you like it
if I called you Clark?

327
00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:04,937
You did, for the first year of her life.

328
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:07,426
Poop-Poop has feelings, you know.

329
00:13:07,428 --> 00:13:08,928
I'm so glad you came home.

330
00:13:08,930 --> 00:13:10,730
I wanted to apologize.

331
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:14,214
I am so sorry that I locked
you in the trunk of my car.

332
00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:15,835
Well, I-I wasn't in your trunk.

333
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,136
I was with you when you yelled

334
00:13:17,138 --> 00:13:18,538
at the old lady with the barking dog.

335
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,632
Right. Dog guy.

336
00:13:20,657 --> 00:13:21,929
- You're not trunk guy.
- Yeah. You look like...

337
00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:24,069
I am so sorry about that.

338
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,429
Okay? I was dealing with
a lot of social anxiety.

339
00:13:26,454 --> 00:13:28,711
- And I took some drugs that...
- Yeah.

340
00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:29,999
- Put an edge on me.
- Mm-hmm.

341
00:13:30,024 --> 00:13:30,783
But he went to rehab.

342
00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:31,784
- He made a new friend.
- Mm-hmm.

343
00:13:31,786 --> 00:13:32,819
They got really close.

344
00:13:32,821 --> 00:13:33,886
But I'm told it didn't go further

345
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:35,188
than friendship, so...

346
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,989
Well, that's good. For both of you.

347
00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:38,594
- Yeah, it's a crazy nine days, you know?
- Yeah.

348
00:13:39,294 --> 00:13:40,293
So, clean start?

349
00:13:40,295 --> 00:13:41,994
Yeah. Sure, man.

350
00:13:41,996 --> 00:13:43,996
What a relief! Yes!

351
00:13:43,998 --> 00:13:45,932
Because at rehab, they say I
got to be spending more time

352
00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:48,401
around good, honest
people like you, Greg.

353
00:13:48,403 --> 00:13:49,669
And I don't think it's an accident

354
00:13:49,671 --> 00:13:52,038
that Lawyer-Con got
canceled and this happened.

355
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,423
You know, the... the thing is, uh...

356
00:13:55,448 --> 00:13:58,411
The truth, Finn, is that, uh,
Lawyer-Con wasn't cancelled

357
00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,502
because there's no such
thing as-as Lawyer-Con.

358
00:14:01,527 --> 00:14:02,816
- It doesn't exist. We...
- Yup.

359
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,004
We just made it up

360
00:14:04,029 --> 00:14:04,895
because we felt weird

361
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,520
- about going to your party, so... sorry.
- Yeah.

362
00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:08,955
You lied to me?

363
00:14:08,957 --> 00:14:10,189
Uh...

364
00:14:10,191 --> 00:14:11,991
I mean, I got angry and
yelled at an old lady

365
00:14:11,993 --> 00:14:13,993
'cause I smoked a little
crack. I didn't lie to you.

366
00:14:13,995 --> 00:14:15,261
Sorry. What? You smoked what, now?

367
00:14:15,263 --> 00:14:17,094
- I smoked some crack.
- Okay.

368
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:19,198
- And that can explain my behavior.
- Uh-huh.

369
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,967
Greg, are you smoking crack right now?

370
00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:22,935
Uh, uh, uh, uh, no,

371
00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:25,671
- but I-I do take an allergy medication.
- Mm-hmm.

372
00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:29,442
Oh, I'm burning up right now.
I don't know how to calm down.

373
00:14:29,444 --> 00:14:31,444
Okay. Yeah, okay, let's go. Yeah.

374
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:32,645
Pretend they're not here.

375
00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:33,908
Congrats on your sobriety.

376
00:14:34,972 --> 00:14:36,813
_

377
00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:38,688
Are you really sure

378
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:42,079
that a holistic fertility
consultant is necessary?

379
00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,399
Well, I thought we said
we were gonna commit

380
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,439
to doing whatever it
takes to get pregnant.

381
00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,945
Yeah! I just... I thought
that meant having a lot of sex.

382
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,170
Well, me, too, but we need more help,

383
00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:52,239
and we are running out
of affordable options.

384
00:14:52,241 --> 00:14:55,320
IVF can take up to $20,000.

385
00:14:55,345 --> 00:14:56,476
Do you have that?

386
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:59,045
I mean, yesterday, you tipped
the barista with a button.

387
00:15:00,782 --> 00:15:02,129
Okay, there he is.

388
00:15:02,154 --> 00:15:04,417
Let's just keep an open mind
and see what he has to say.

389
00:15:04,419 --> 00:15:05,752
- Okay.
- Okay.

390
00:15:06,927 --> 00:15:07,831
Hi!

391
00:15:07,856 --> 00:15:09,129
Hey.

392
00:15:09,154 --> 00:15:11,891
- You must be Matt, and you, Colleen.
- Mm-hmm.

393
00:15:11,893 --> 00:15:13,860
Come in, come in, come in.

394
00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,029
Now, in order to get Matt's seedlings

395
00:15:16,031 --> 00:15:18,098
to grow into a mighty
oak, it's important

396
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,151
you get yourself into
a position for success.

397
00:15:21,176 --> 00:15:23,970
Have you been coming in
through the back door?

398
00:15:23,972 --> 00:15:25,863
- Excuse me?
- What? I know it's weird,

399
00:15:25,888 --> 00:15:28,406
but I truly believe in
the powers of feng shui.

400
00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:29,743
- Feng shui.
- Shv-Shwing...

401
00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,495
- It's feng shui. Feng shui.
- Feng shui.

402
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,870
Yes, that's the one. Mm-hmm, yeah.

403
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,290
So if you're not entering your house

404
00:15:34,292 --> 00:15:36,058
through the front door, you should.

405
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,493
Where did you find this guy?

406
00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:39,532
Jen said that he was "the best."

407
00:15:39,557 --> 00:15:41,530
But she's very sarcastic.
I can never tell with her.

408
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:45,601
What you eat is essential
for your fertility.

409
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,968
Might be looking after
your bodies more than

410
00:15:47,993 --> 00:15:49,617
you're looking after this fridge.

411
00:15:49,642 --> 00:15:51,442
Is this how you treat your swimmers?

412
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:53,174
Oh! That's not a specimen.

413
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:54,677
No, no, no. No, that's coleslaw.

414
00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:56,578
I... Uh, look, uh, it could be confusing

415
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,088
because it's in a specimen
cup, but it-it's coleslaw.

416
00:15:59,113 --> 00:16:00,685
You seem nervous.

417
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,410
Part of your charm, I suppose?

418
00:16:02,412 --> 00:16:03,978
Are you, uh, hydrating?

419
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,513
- Mm-hmm.
- You keeping off the alcohol?

420
00:16:05,515 --> 00:16:07,081
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Off the caffeine?

421
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,645
Can't you tell? I'm, like, barely alive.

422
00:16:11,077 --> 00:16:13,187
Matt, you're supposed
to tell me I look pretty.

423
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,056
You're so pretty.

424
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,759
That's embarrassing. Don't.
Not in front of a guest.

425
00:16:18,319 --> 00:16:20,786
While you drink the fertility teas...

426
00:16:20,811 --> 00:16:22,730
- Yeah.
- I will prepare the

427
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,333
homemade conception chimes.

428
00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:27,738
Now, we need to get rid
of all the bad energy.

429
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:31,439
You'll feel the energy. The aura
will pass through the chimes.

430
00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,508
And then, how do we
get the bad energy out?

431
00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:36,768
I suck it out. I need a
very tight seal, actually,

432
00:16:36,793 --> 00:16:39,614
so our mouths will really connect.

433
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,016
Who wants to go first?

434
00:16:42,018 --> 00:16:44,079
Well, I would say "not me,"
but I know that that means

435
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,953
that you're going to kiss my wife.

436
00:16:45,955 --> 00:16:47,889
It's not a kiss. It's a suck.

437
00:16:47,891 --> 00:16:51,159
- Mm.
- So I guess... I'll suck your wife?

438
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,849
No. No. We were...

439
00:16:54,874 --> 00:16:58,319
We were saying that we
will do whatever it takes.

440
00:16:58,344 --> 00:16:58,944
So...

441
00:16:58,969 --> 00:17:02,503
Yeah, no, I know, and I-I
really, really want this, but...

442
00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,311
Do you really want it?!

443
00:17:04,336 --> 00:17:06,240
You really want a baby very badly?

444
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,341
- Yeah, well, yeah.
- Very. Very badly.

445
00:17:07,343 --> 00:17:10,545
Well, then why do I have this?

446
00:17:10,858 --> 00:17:14,115
- A little tiny car?
- That is, yes. It's the wrong pocket.

447
00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:17,788
This is for my son, who
I'm hoping to meet today.

448
00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:20,555
Why do I have this?!

449
00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:22,643
Pain relievers from
your medicine cabinet!

450
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:25,359
Guys, you can't be on
medication of any kind!

451
00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:26,710
Did you go through our medicine cabinet?

452
00:17:26,735 --> 00:17:28,132
Yes! A little bit.

453
00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:30,998
Any other skeletons in
your medicine... closet?

454
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,134
- No. Nope.
- Clean as a whistle. Mm-hmm.

455
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,936
Wonderful! Then you're both on your way

456
00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:36,737
to becoming great parents.

457
00:17:36,762 --> 00:17:37,831
Yay.

458
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:40,675
Speaking of which, what
do 22-year-old boys like?

459
00:17:40,677 --> 00:17:42,510
I'm just worried the
car won't be enough.

460
00:17:42,512 --> 00:17:44,078
- Oh, yeah, no, that's not gonna be enough.
- It's not.

461
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,714
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm
just gonna cancel again.

462
00:17:46,716 --> 00:17:47,982
Mm-hmm.

463
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:51,484
Oh.

464
00:17:51,509 --> 00:17:53,654
Thank you so much for seeing me, Joan.

465
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,189
I lied to Matt.

466
00:17:55,191 --> 00:17:57,124
No. Dear, I have patients.

467
00:17:57,126 --> 00:17:58,770
In two hours, I'll be completely free.

468
00:17:58,795 --> 00:18:01,020
Oh, good. I'll be done by then.

469
00:18:01,045 --> 00:18:03,264
So, we're trying to get
pregnant, and that means

470
00:18:03,266 --> 00:18:04,699
going off all of our meds.

471
00:18:04,701 --> 00:18:06,567
But I haven't gone off
my mood stabilizers,

472
00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:08,035
and Matt doesn't know that.

473
00:18:08,037 --> 00:18:09,370
Does your doctor know?

474
00:18:09,372 --> 00:18:11,806
Oh, no. No, I don't
need to go see a doctor.

475
00:18:11,808 --> 00:18:13,841
My mom sends me all of
my pills from Mexico.

476
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,476
Have I ever told you about my mom?

477
00:18:15,478 --> 00:18:17,983
- Oh...
- No. Um, dear, if you stay here,

478
00:18:18,008 --> 00:18:19,741
you're going to have couple's therapy

479
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,180
with a complete stranger.

480
00:18:21,205 --> 00:18:23,876
Oh, that's okay. I love strangers.

481
00:18:25,047 --> 00:18:26,655
Okay, so here's the deal:
Colleen doesn't know that

482
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,523
I've been taking
finasteride for hair loss.

483
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:31,111
Now I really want to have
a kid, but I love my hair,

484
00:18:31,136 --> 00:18:33,206
and I don't want to look
like some bald loser.

485
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,462
Oh, none taken.

486
00:18:34,464 --> 00:18:35,663
Could finasteride really be hurting

487
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,098
our chances of getting pregnant?

488
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,733
Honestly, going off it might just be

489
00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:41,502
the kick in the balls your balls need.

490
00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:43,371
All right, I got to get into surgery.

491
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,619
- All righty. Thanks, Tim.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

492
00:18:45,644 --> 00:18:47,308
- I already scrubbed up.
- Can't be too careful.

493
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,791
- All right, see you, brother.
- All right.

494
00:18:48,816 --> 00:18:50,567
Hey, Gerald! All right.

495
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,752
Colleen?

496
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,384
I have something to tell you.

497
00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:04,642
- Okay.
- Um, I lied to you. I'm so sorry.

498
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,845
I have secretly been
taking hair loss medication.

499
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,181
Okay. So is that why when
we go to the pharmacy,

500
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,250
- you tell me to wait in the car?
- Oh, no.

501
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,285
That's because you like to
try to play with all the canes.

502
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,642
No, no, no, no. I get
the pills in the mail.

503
00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,634
Oh. Okay, well, then Matt,

504
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:19,423
I have something that
I need to tell you.

505
00:19:19,448 --> 00:19:20,383
Okay.

506
00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:23,517
I have been on mood stabilizers
since we started dating.

507
00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:25,080
So you're saying that I'm
the reason you take them?

508
00:19:25,105 --> 00:19:26,674
Oh, no! No, no, no, lots
of different reasons.

509
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:27,947
But the main one is just because

510
00:19:27,972 --> 00:19:28,893
when I'm not on them,

511
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,276
I am one moody bitch.

512
00:19:31,278 --> 00:19:32,780
Honey, I am so okay with that.

513
00:19:32,812 --> 00:19:33,567
Okay.

514
00:19:33,592 --> 00:19:35,246
I mean, how moody could
we even be talking?

515
00:19:35,271 --> 00:19:36,546
- Why does that even matter?
- It doesn't.

516
00:19:36,571 --> 00:19:37,716
It doesn't even matter a little bit.

517
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:38,755
I'm just really worried that

518
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,106
you're not gonna love me off my meds.

519
00:19:40,131 --> 00:19:41,052
Oh, Colleen,

520
00:19:41,077 --> 00:19:43,188
I will always love you, no matter what.

521
00:19:44,591 --> 00:19:46,858
You are so good to me. Oh.

522
00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,663
- Mmm.
- Is that another woman I smell on you?

523
00:19:51,665 --> 00:19:53,834
- No, honey, you're smelling yourself.
- You're so smart.

524
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,700
I can't believe you lied to me.

525
00:19:55,725 --> 00:19:56,765
- So sorry.
- But I love you so much,

526
00:19:56,790 --> 00:19:57,804
and I want you to be the father

527
00:19:57,829 --> 00:19:59,871
- of my baby.
- Great. So...

528
00:19:59,873 --> 00:20:01,539
how long have you been off the meds?

529
00:20:01,541 --> 00:20:03,593
Oh. I'm going off of 'em tonight.

530
00:20:03,701 --> 00:20:05,801
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