1
00:00:00,297 --> 00:00:02,257
So, Michael, you're saying there's

2
00:00:02,282 --> 00:00:05,023
a new angle I should
consider in this case?

3
00:00:05,094 --> 00:00:07,395
Love that. Major drama.

4
00:00:07,429 --> 00:00:09,597
Spill the tea, sweetheart.

5
00:00:09,632 --> 00:00:11,311
The premise of our system

6
00:00:11,366 --> 00:00:14,168
is that a person's score
during her time on Earth

7
00:00:14,202 --> 00:00:16,937
is final and inarguable,

8
00:00:16,972 --> 00:00:20,007
but because of my accidental experiment,

9
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,543
these four humans got better

10
00:00:22,577 --> 00:00:24,278
after they died.

11
00:00:24,312 --> 00:00:26,246
That's not supposed to be possible.

12
00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:28,916
Over and over again, I watched
as they became

13
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:31,051
thoughtful and generous and caring.

14
00:00:31,086 --> 00:00:32,920
And think about where they started.

15
00:00:32,954 --> 00:00:35,556
Uh, Jason, growing up in Jacksonville,

16
00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:38,192
what did you do for fun
after school every day?

17
00:00:38,226 --> 00:00:40,427
Me and my friends whipped
empty spray paint cans

18
00:00:40,462 --> 00:00:41,895
at flamingos.

19
00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:43,964
And now he's so much better.

20
00:00:43,999 --> 00:00:44,965
I was already pretty good.

21
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,200
When I was six,

22
00:00:46,234 --> 00:00:47,634
I hit one right on the button.

23
00:00:47,669 --> 00:00:49,403
Okay, let the immortal
beings talk, darling.

24
00:00:49,437 --> 00:00:51,305
So they got better in
your little pretend world.

25
00:00:51,339 --> 00:00:52,873
That doesn't prove anything

26
00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:54,441
about what they were like on Earth.

27
00:00:54,476 --> 00:00:57,144
No, see, I think it
does prove something.

28
00:00:57,178 --> 00:01:01,715
If I'm right, the system
by which we judge humans...

29
00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:06,220
the very method we use
to deem them good or bad...

30
00:01:06,254 --> 00:01:10,224
is so fundamentally flawed
and unreasonable

31
00:01:10,258 --> 00:01:12,326
that hundreds of millions of people

32
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,894
have been wrongly condemned

33
00:01:13,928 --> 00:01:17,097
to an eternity of torture.

34
00:01:18,266 --> 00:01:20,601
Damn! That was intense!

35
00:01:20,635 --> 00:01:22,069
Look at my arm, y'all.

36
00:01:22,103 --> 00:01:24,338
Look, I got goosebumps.

37
00:01:24,372 --> 00:01:25,272
Huh, yeah.

38
00:01:25,306 --> 00:01:26,940
Doesn't happen very often.

39
00:01:26,975 --> 00:01:31,691
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

40
00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:36,417
Wow, so you saw your
parents in the test?

41
00:01:36,451 --> 00:01:37,584
Yes.

42
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:40,320
And I immediately fell
right back into my old pattern,

43
00:01:40,355 --> 00:01:42,356
desperately trying to impress them

44
00:01:42,390 --> 00:01:44,191
and earn their admiration.

45
00:01:44,225 --> 00:01:46,260
Then I heard this
little voice in my head

46
00:01:46,294 --> 00:01:49,596
saying, "Tahani, don't do this."

47
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:51,765
The little voice in your head
sounds like the old lady

48
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,167
from "Downton Abbey."

49
00:01:53,201 --> 00:01:55,836
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Maggie Smith is my godmother.

50
00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:58,772
Anyway, I took a deep breath,

51
00:01:58,807 --> 00:02:01,041
told them I ate a Cheeto,

52
00:02:01,076 --> 00:02:02,376
and walked away.

53
00:02:02,410 --> 00:02:03,377
Man.

54
00:02:03,411 --> 00:02:05,779
You have made so much progress.

55
00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:08,882
I'm proud of you, hot stuff.

56
00:02:08,917 --> 00:02:12,052
Whatever progress I have made,

57
00:02:12,087 --> 00:02:14,488
it's because you and I
have become mates.

58
00:02:15,323 --> 00:02:16,890
That's British for "friends."

59
00:02:16,925 --> 00:02:18,592
No, I know.

60
00:02:19,828 --> 00:02:21,295
Man.

61
00:02:21,329 --> 00:02:23,230
Think about everything that's
happened to us.

62
00:02:23,264 --> 00:02:25,499
We died, Michael tortured us,

63
00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:27,634
we teamed up with him, we escaped,

64
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,903
we went through the Portal,
The Judge ruled against us,

65
00:02:29,938 --> 00:02:31,472
then Michael showed up.

66
00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:35,042
This has been one of
the craziest years of my life.

67
00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:36,376
One of?

68
00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:38,312
Yeah, I'm not sure what I would do

69
00:02:38,346 --> 00:02:41,815
if one more insane thing happened.

70
00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:43,817
Hi, Jason. I love you.

71
00:02:43,852 --> 00:02:45,719
Oh, word?

72
00:02:45,753 --> 00:02:47,087
Word.

73
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:48,489
I've been avoiding telling you.

74
00:02:48,523 --> 00:02:51,058
My excuse was that I needed
time to evaluate

75
00:02:51,092 --> 00:02:53,660
my complex feelings, but that
was just a rationalization.

76
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:57,164
This might be the last time
I ever get to talk to you,

77
00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:58,999
so there it is... I love you.

78
00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,602
And I hereby stop avoiding this topic

79
00:03:01,636 --> 00:03:05,172
and rationalizing by saying
the situation is complicated.

80
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:06,673
Or that my brain is grinding

81
00:03:06,708 --> 00:03:09,877
like a fork in a garbage disposal.

82
00:03:09,911 --> 00:03:11,578
All right. Whatever.

83
00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:14,448
You're not really a part of this, Chidi.

84
00:03:14,482 --> 00:03:18,952
Hey, guess what.
I think I love you too, girl.

85
00:03:18,987 --> 00:03:20,220
I'm not a girl.

86
00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:21,955
I'm also not just a Janet anymore.

87
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:23,290
I don't know what I am.

88
00:03:26,794 --> 00:03:29,029
Hey, man. What's up?

89
00:03:37,772 --> 00:03:40,741
Hot diggity dog.

90
00:03:40,775 --> 00:03:42,209
Oh, no!

91
00:03:42,243 --> 00:03:43,477
Now the thing I said
right after we kissed

92
00:03:43,511 --> 00:03:45,412
will always be "hot diggity dog."

93
00:03:45,446 --> 00:03:46,813
Whatever.

94
00:03:46,848 --> 00:03:48,415
It was an honest reaction.
I stand by it.

95
00:03:48,449 --> 00:03:50,784
Hi, guys. Couple quick announcements.

96
00:03:50,818 --> 00:03:53,220
Would anyone eat chips and guac
if I put it out?

97
00:03:53,254 --> 00:03:55,923
It's good. It's homemade. No takers?

98
00:03:55,957 --> 00:03:57,391
A'ight. Second thing:

99
00:03:57,425 --> 00:03:59,393
we figured out a plan
to save your souls.

100
00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:02,095
For the time being,
The Judge is gonna put you

101
00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:04,331
in your own medium places,

102
00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:05,732
like Mindi St. Clair.

103
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,167
And while you're there,
I'll keep working

104
00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:08,769
every angle I can think of

105
00:04:08,803 --> 00:04:11,238
to get you guys into
the Good Place, for real.

106
00:04:11,272 --> 00:04:13,173
This is great. So we'd all be together?

107
00:04:13,208 --> 00:04:15,576
Oh, no, that's the thing
about Medium Places...

108
00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:18,612
it has to be tailored to what's
medium for the individuals.

109
00:04:18,646 --> 00:04:21,315
So if you're all together,
it ain't medium.

110
00:04:21,349 --> 00:04:23,483
How much time will we be alone?

111
00:04:23,518 --> 00:04:26,420
Hard to say. Uh, could be a month.

112
00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,288
Could be a million years.

113
00:04:28,323 --> 00:04:29,856
So, between a month and a million years.

114
00:04:29,891 --> 00:04:32,192
- Yeah, give or take.
- Yeah? Somewhere in there.

115
00:04:32,227 --> 00:04:35,095
Come on, you guys, I know
this isn't perfect,

116
00:04:35,129 --> 00:04:36,663
but I need more time to build my case,

117
00:04:36,698 --> 00:04:40,000
and it's either this
or back to the Bad Place.

118
00:04:40,034 --> 00:04:41,635
Yeah.

119
00:04:41,669 --> 00:04:43,036
I'll say it.

120
00:04:43,071 --> 00:04:44,504
Both those options suck.

121
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:46,106
Okay, I'm sorry if that's
blunt, Your Honor,

122
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:47,641
but it's true.

123
00:04:47,675 --> 00:04:50,010
Also, Chidi just laid one
on me, so I'm kinda dizzy.

124
00:04:50,044 --> 00:04:53,213
You two kissed? Hot diggity dog!

125
00:04:53,248 --> 00:04:54,615
That's what I said!

126
00:04:54,649 --> 00:04:56,883
The point is, we've all gotten better.

127
00:04:56,918 --> 00:04:59,486
Why should we have to go
live alone in a boring void

128
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,288
because of a messed-up system?

129
00:05:01,322 --> 00:05:03,457
- How is that justice?
- Okay.

130
00:05:03,491 --> 00:05:06,727
Slow your roll there, Erin Brockovich.

131
00:05:06,761 --> 00:05:07,694
First of all,

132
00:05:07,729 --> 00:05:10,297
y'all didn't get good enough
to pass the tests

133
00:05:10,331 --> 00:05:11,798
I just gave you.

134
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:14,635
Second, I still believe
that the only reason

135
00:05:14,669 --> 00:05:17,204
that you improved in Michael's
fake neighborhood

136
00:05:17,238 --> 00:05:20,140
is because you thought
there was a reward

137
00:05:20,174 --> 00:05:21,541
at the end of the rainbow.

138
00:05:21,576 --> 00:05:23,410
You're supposed to good things

139
00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:24,811
because you're good!

140
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,981
Not because you're seeking moral desert.

141
00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:29,349
And I still believe

142
00:05:29,384 --> 00:05:31,151
that they would've become good people

143
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:33,153
if they'd just gotten a...

144
00:05:36,190 --> 00:05:38,191
A push...

145
00:05:38,226 --> 00:05:40,227
in the right direction.

146
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:42,663
Oh, no.

147
00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:44,731
Nope, nope. Absolutely not.

148
00:05:44,766 --> 00:05:47,000
- It's a little crazy...
- A little bit crazy?

149
00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:48,402
It's Looney Tunes.

150
00:05:48,436 --> 00:05:49,670
- What are they talking about?
- No idea.

151
00:05:49,704 --> 00:05:51,438
It sets a very dangerous precedent.

152
00:05:51,472 --> 00:05:53,006
It's only four people.

153
00:05:53,041 --> 00:05:56,076
And it's clearly the best way
to see if bad people

154
00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:58,345
can become good without knowing
anything about

155
00:05:58,379 --> 00:05:59,913
what's waiting for them
in the afterlife.

156
00:05:59,947 --> 00:06:01,682
Shotgun. Whatever they're talking about,

157
00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:03,183
if there's a shotgun, I call shotgun.

158
00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:04,284
It's never gonna work, man.

159
00:06:04,319 --> 00:06:05,285
If it doesn't, then they go

160
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,520
right back to the Bad Place.

161
00:06:06,554 --> 00:06:08,221
No one gets hurt.

162
00:06:08,256 --> 00:06:09,690
Except them, forever.

163
00:06:09,724 --> 00:06:13,327
And me, I assume, also. Forever.

164
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:18,965
Mmm, mmm, mmm...

165
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,600
- okay, let's do it.
- Yes!

166
00:06:20,635 --> 00:06:21,635
Ha!

167
00:06:21,669 --> 00:06:23,203
I don't know why.
I'm just feeling kinda funky.

168
00:06:23,237 --> 00:06:24,738
But there have to be strict rules.

169
00:06:24,772 --> 00:06:27,240
Otherwise, the results will be tainted,

170
00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:30,377
and I reserve the right
to change my mind

171
00:06:30,411 --> 00:06:32,332
- at any point.
- About what?!

172
00:06:32,357 --> 00:06:34,128
Would someone who's not an eternal being

173
00:06:34,153 --> 00:06:36,116
please explain to me what the f...

174
00:06:38,261 --> 00:06:40,153
Why are you like this?

175
00:06:40,188 --> 00:06:42,556
Excuse me? Why am I like this?

176
00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:45,892
You don't know me, dude.
You don't know what I'm like.

177
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,161
Look what you made me do, jagoff.

178
00:06:49,263 --> 00:06:50,297
Look out!

179
00:06:50,331 --> 00:06:51,898
Uh-oh.

180
00:07:05,498 --> 00:07:07,199
Holy crap.

181
00:07:07,515 --> 00:07:08,982
I just almost died.

182
00:07:10,070 --> 00:07:12,304
She needs to know what was said.

183
00:07:14,797 --> 00:07:17,181
God, Eleanor, take longer next time.

184
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:19,323
Oh, you look like crap.

185
00:07:19,932 --> 00:07:22,066
I was outside the supermarket
arguing with

186
00:07:22,091 --> 00:07:24,179
that little environmental twerp...

187
00:07:24,204 --> 00:07:25,872
- Ugh, I hate that guy.
- Really?

188
00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:28,841
That skinny little hippy body
kinda turns me on.

189
00:07:28,876 --> 00:07:30,543
- Gross.
- Guys, listen.

190
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:34,747
I dropped the margarita mix,
and when I went to pick it up,

191
00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:36,682
a bunch of shopping carts
came right at me,

192
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,251
and I was just frozen.

193
00:07:38,285 --> 00:07:40,920
And then someone pushed me
out of the way,

194
00:07:40,954 --> 00:07:44,557
and the carts got, like, demolished

195
00:07:44,591 --> 00:07:45,892
by a truck.

196
00:07:45,926 --> 00:07:47,693
I mean, I could've died.

197
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,228
- Oh, my God.
- Wow.

198
00:07:49,263 --> 00:07:50,963
That's crazy.

199
00:07:51,965 --> 00:07:54,066
So is the margarita mix, like, gone?

200
00:07:54,101 --> 00:07:56,269
I had a near death experience recently.

201
00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:57,904
You know that old warehouse
that burned down last month

202
00:07:57,938 --> 00:07:59,405
and, like, four people died?

203
00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:03,009
That building is, like,
right by my old dentist.

204
00:08:03,043 --> 00:08:04,577
If I still went to that dentist

205
00:08:04,611 --> 00:08:06,245
and I had an appointment that day,

206
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,247
I would've been like...

207
00:08:08,282 --> 00:08:09,749
right near there.

208
00:08:09,783 --> 00:08:12,585
I was in Syracuse, New York,

209
00:08:12,619 --> 00:08:15,955
like two weeks before 9/11.

210
00:08:15,989 --> 00:08:18,591
- No way!
- Yeah, 14 days.

211
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:20,760
I can't believe we all almost died.

212
00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:23,729
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop,

213
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,399
and I think I might be a monster.

214
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,034
I'm rude, I'm selfish,

215
00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:31,737
I cyberbullied Ryan Lochte
until he quit Instagram,

216
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,105
but something happened to me today,

217
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:34,874
and from now on, I'm gonna try

218
00:08:34,908 --> 00:08:37,643
to become a better, kinder,

219
00:08:37,678 --> 00:08:39,779
more generous person.

220
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:44,450
Hey, can I use your credit card?

221
00:08:44,484 --> 00:08:45,985
You know what? Yes, you can.

222
00:08:46,019 --> 00:08:48,521
Cool. It's for porn. I already used it.

223
00:08:58,932 --> 00:09:01,234
Hey. You look happy.

224
00:09:01,268 --> 00:09:05,071
You get laid last night?
I didn't. Tried. Hard.

225
00:09:05,105 --> 00:09:07,607
This chick that I met after I
followed her into a yoga class,

226
00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:08,975
but she wasn't into it.

227
00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:10,810
Maced me. Right in the eyes.

228
00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:12,678
Stung like hell.

229
00:09:12,713 --> 00:09:14,146
What was I saying?

230
00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:15,648
Oh, yeah. Hey.

231
00:09:15,682 --> 00:09:17,917
Listen, dude. What you're doing here...

232
00:09:17,951 --> 00:09:21,187
selling fake medicine
to people, tricking them...

233
00:09:21,221 --> 00:09:23,155
is wrong.

234
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:24,323
Yeah. And?

235
00:09:24,358 --> 00:09:25,825
I can't be a part of it anymore.

236
00:09:25,859 --> 00:09:27,093
I'm trying to become a better person,

237
00:09:27,127 --> 00:09:28,494
and as long as I work here...

238
00:09:28,528 --> 00:09:30,997
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever,
you quit, who cares?

239
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:32,465
Give me your company ID.

240
00:09:33,533 --> 00:09:36,168
Thank you. And your parking pass.

241
00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:38,771
- And your panties, please.
- Dude.

242
00:09:38,805 --> 00:09:40,339
What? Come on. I had to try.

243
00:09:40,374 --> 00:09:42,775
By the way, technically,
that is not sexual harassment,

244
00:09:42,809 --> 00:09:44,277
because she doesn't work here anymore.

245
00:09:44,311 --> 00:09:45,278
You're wearing a wire?

246
00:09:45,312 --> 00:09:47,680
Yeah. Company's being
investigated for fraud,

247
00:09:47,714 --> 00:09:49,548
so I'm helping the feds
bring everyone down.

248
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:50,950
Good timing on your part.

249
00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:52,051
Dude, get help.

250
00:09:52,085 --> 00:09:53,786
I'm becoming a better person.

251
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,354
You should, too.

252
00:09:55,389 --> 00:09:58,024
Hey, Eleanor, do you want to
come to Lauren's baby shower?

253
00:09:58,058 --> 00:10:00,526
Do you want to chew on my ass...

254
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,696
sortment of brownies that I
will be bringing

255
00:10:03,730 --> 00:10:05,665
to Lauren's baby shower?

256
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:07,233
S-sure.

257
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:08,734
Hi there, do you have
a second to talk about

258
00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:10,236
the environment?

259
00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:11,170
Hey. Remember me?

260
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:12,872
Ah! Don't hurt me. My bones are brittle.

261
00:10:12,906 --> 00:10:14,040
I have a calcium deficiency.

262
00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:15,474
No, I'm not gonna hurt you, man.

263
00:10:15,509 --> 00:10:17,810
I came to apologize.

264
00:10:18,712 --> 00:10:20,880
There. I did it. I apologized.

265
00:10:20,914 --> 00:10:23,015
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did, assface.

266
00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:25,885
Nope. You're right. I didn't.

267
00:10:25,919 --> 00:10:28,754
I apologize for being mean to you

268
00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:31,057
like a thousand times.

269
00:10:31,091 --> 00:10:33,693
There's really no excuse.

270
00:10:33,727 --> 00:10:35,661
Thanks.

271
00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,129
Apology accepted.

272
00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:40,333
Uh, what's happening? I'm scared.

273
00:10:40,367 --> 00:10:43,202
Hey, I'm on kinda like
a self-improvement kick.

274
00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:44,737
Do you think you could help me out,

275
00:10:44,771 --> 00:10:47,239
teach me to get all horny
for the environment

276
00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:49,108
or whatever?

277
00:10:49,142 --> 00:10:51,410
Hey, everyone. This is Eleanor.

278
00:10:51,445 --> 00:10:52,445
She's joining the team.

279
00:10:53,613 --> 00:10:54,847
Hi, welcome.

280
00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:56,682
Nice to meet you. Hi.

281
00:11:01,421 --> 00:11:03,389
All right, Eleanor.

282
00:11:43,830 --> 00:11:45,798
Mm, babes, get in on these nachos.

283
00:11:45,832 --> 00:11:47,099
- They're delish.
- Mmm, mm-hmm.

284
00:11:47,134 --> 00:11:48,601
I'm actually trying to eat vegetarian.

285
00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:50,236
Ew! Why?

286
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:52,671
Is it because you feel bad
for all the widdle animals

287
00:11:52,706 --> 00:11:54,073
with their cute widdle faces

288
00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:55,174
because people stuff them
into tiny cages

289
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:57,109
just so that we can eat them?

290
00:11:57,144 --> 00:11:58,944
Yeah. That's exactly why.

291
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:01,180
Okay, guys, um,

292
00:12:01,214 --> 00:12:02,515
can I say something for a second?

293
00:12:02,549 --> 00:12:04,483
- I love you.
- Aww.

294
00:12:04,518 --> 00:12:06,852
I do. I mean, I went through
a really rough time

295
00:12:06,887 --> 00:12:08,454
last year with the whole
Dress Bitch thing

296
00:12:08,488 --> 00:12:10,156
and people selling T-shirts
with my face on them,

297
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:12,491
but you two stuck by me.

298
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:14,827
- I love you, you dumb sluts!
- Awww.

299
00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:16,495
Come on.

300
00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:18,664
Okay, there's probably
something we should tell you.

301
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:22,001
Or not. We could also not.

302
00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:24,570
We have to. It's the right thing to do.

303
00:12:26,506 --> 00:12:29,141
I tore your dress, and then
I lied about it.

304
00:12:29,176 --> 00:12:30,776
And then Brittany and I were the ones

305
00:12:30,811 --> 00:12:32,945
who made and sold the T-shirts.

306
00:12:32,979 --> 00:12:34,980
But, we did not keep the money.

307
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,616
Yes, we did. We kept all the money.

308
00:12:37,651 --> 00:12:40,352
And I'm really sorry.

309
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:41,520
Okay.

310
00:12:41,555 --> 00:12:44,123
That took a lot of courage

311
00:12:44,157 --> 00:12:46,025
- for you to admit that...
- Mm-hmm.

312
00:12:46,059 --> 00:12:49,662
And I admire your honesty.

313
00:12:49,696 --> 00:12:53,299
You stupid skank!
How could you do that to me?!

314
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:55,634
I hate you! You're both disgusting hogs,

315
00:12:55,669 --> 00:12:58,737
and I want you to move out
of my apartment forever

316
00:12:58,772 --> 00:13:01,106
literally starting right now!

317
00:13:03,176 --> 00:13:05,344
I'm still really glad we told the truth.

318
00:13:05,378 --> 00:13:07,379
Cool.

319
00:13:08,715 --> 00:13:09,682
Okay.

320
00:13:09,716 --> 00:13:11,550
Steamed vegetable medley

321
00:13:11,585 --> 00:13:12,885
and ice water.

322
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:14,887
Can I just get the check?

323
00:13:14,921 --> 00:13:17,490
And can you throw these
plants in the trash?

324
00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:52,591
Damn it.

325
00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:00,533
They're suing you?!

326
00:14:00,567 --> 00:14:02,434
This chick is claiming she has whiplash.

327
00:14:02,469 --> 00:14:04,803
She wasn't in the car when I hit it!

328
00:14:04,838 --> 00:14:06,305
This is on you.

329
00:14:06,339 --> 00:14:07,773
You should've pretended
like you didn't see it

330
00:14:07,807 --> 00:14:10,643
and walked away, like
everyone else does.

331
00:14:10,677 --> 00:14:12,144
I know! I've hit your car

332
00:14:12,178 --> 00:14:13,779
like six times and never said anything.

333
00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:15,948
But I'm trying to be good!

334
00:14:17,951 --> 00:14:20,452
How is that working out for you?

335
00:14:28,719 --> 00:14:31,119
It's open, dummy.

336
00:14:32,774 --> 00:14:34,541
Eleanor, where have you been?

337
00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:35,928
Oh, hey, man.

338
00:14:35,953 --> 00:14:38,888
Sorry, it's been a crazy month.

339
00:14:38,922 --> 00:14:40,248
You know, moving was a hassle,

340
00:14:40,273 --> 00:14:41,592
and I'm in the middle of a lawsuit,

341
00:14:41,646 --> 00:14:43,793
and I ate vegetables for the first time,

342
00:14:43,827 --> 00:14:45,828
and I got diarrhea for, like, a week.

343
00:14:45,863 --> 00:14:47,463
Uh, I know we don't pay a lot,

344
00:14:47,498 --> 00:14:48,664
but this is a job,

345
00:14:48,689 --> 00:14:50,166
and we need to know we can count on you.

346
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,601
We're meeting tonight to
discuss long-term strategy

347
00:14:51,635 --> 00:14:53,402
for the organization. I really think...

348
00:14:53,437 --> 00:14:54,937
Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.

349
00:14:54,972 --> 00:14:56,572
Oh, sorry to interrupt whatever

350
00:14:56,607 --> 00:14:57,969
boring crap this is,

351
00:14:58,032 --> 00:14:59,809
but dude, you need to get dressed.

352
00:14:59,843 --> 00:15:02,478
I got tickets to Taylor Splift.

353
00:15:02,513 --> 00:15:04,407
The Taylor Swift reggae cover band.

354
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,380
They're terrible. It's gonna be amazing.

355
00:15:07,849 --> 00:15:08,916
Mmm.

356
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,251
Yeah, that sounds like more fun.

357
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,318
- I'ma do that.
- Eleanor!

358
00:15:11,353 --> 00:15:13,821
What?! What, dude?

359
00:15:13,855 --> 00:15:15,656
I've been nothing but good
for, like, six months,

360
00:15:15,691 --> 00:15:18,725
and all I have to show for it
is this crummy apartment,

361
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,696
a lawsuit, a loose caboose,
and an overdrawn bank account.

362
00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:23,525
Being good is for suckers.

363
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,094
What do you even get out of it?

364
00:15:25,128 --> 00:15:28,664
A feeling of fulfillment in your soul.

365
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:31,400
Gross.

366
00:15:31,434 --> 00:15:33,102
That's the grossest sentence

367
00:15:33,136 --> 00:15:34,570
I've ever heard, okay?

368
00:15:34,604 --> 00:15:37,406
I quit. Eat my farts,
Benedict Cumberbatch.

369
00:15:38,775 --> 00:15:41,210
Oof! I still think he's kinda hot.

370
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:44,213
I guess. In like a sick
Victorian boy kind of way.

371
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,615
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where we, like, feed him soup.

372
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:48,717
So tell me about the new business.

373
00:15:48,752 --> 00:15:50,886
We sell classes at
a for-profit university,

374
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,722
and the classes train people
how to sell supplements.

375
00:15:53,757 --> 00:15:56,225
So it's a Ponzi scheme
within a Ponzi scheme?

376
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,560
- That sounds kinda dicey.
- Oh, it's super dicey.

377
00:15:58,595 --> 00:16:00,562
But I'm in witness protection,
so technically,

378
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:02,598
I can't be convicted of any crime.

379
00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:04,900
Well, that's definitely not
true, but I also don't care.

380
00:16:04,934 --> 00:16:06,635
Which one's my desk?

381
00:16:08,772 --> 00:16:11,440
You realize what the problem is, right?

382
00:16:11,474 --> 00:16:13,542
Yes, but there's no way to help.

383
00:16:17,814 --> 00:16:19,314
I'm only giving that guy three stars

384
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,416
because he didn't let me stick
my head out the moon roof.

385
00:16:21,451 --> 00:16:22,785
Yeah!

386
00:16:22,819 --> 00:16:24,419
Dude, my boyfriend just texted.

387
00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,655
His wife's out of town,
so I'm gonna head over there.

388
00:16:26,689 --> 00:16:28,791
- Mwah!
- What? That's lame.

389
00:16:28,825 --> 00:16:31,927
- Boo!
- Happy birthday!

390
00:16:31,961 --> 00:16:35,464
Hello, bartender.
One alcohol drink, please.

391
00:16:35,498 --> 00:16:37,933
It's my birthday, if you want
to give it to me for free.

392
00:16:39,002 --> 00:16:41,036
I always say that, but it
actually is my birthday.

393
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:43,605
- Hmm.
- Last year on my birthday,

394
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,541
I almost died,

395
00:16:45,575 --> 00:16:48,477
and then I did a bunch of stuff

396
00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:51,213
that was good, but weird.

397
00:16:51,247 --> 00:16:53,215
And then I stopped.

398
00:16:53,249 --> 00:16:55,050
And now I'm here.

399
00:16:55,084 --> 00:16:57,786
Sounds like you had a pretty crazy year.

400
00:16:57,821 --> 00:16:59,955
- Hm.
- Wanna talk about it?

401
00:17:01,424 --> 00:17:03,325
And in the end, Anthony Anderson

402
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:06,695
and Jerry O'Connell start
a successful shampoo company

403
00:17:06,729 --> 00:17:08,630
and you see the kangaroo

404
00:17:08,665 --> 00:17:10,399
jumping around Australia.

405
00:17:11,835 --> 00:17:16,471
That is the plot
of the movie "Kangaroo Jack."

406
00:17:16,506 --> 00:17:19,474
- Why did I tell you that?
- It's unclear.

407
00:17:19,509 --> 00:17:21,810
You know the thing is,
the problem really,

408
00:17:21,845 --> 00:17:23,846
with being a do-gooder?

409
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,381
- What's that?
- No one cares.

410
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:28,317
I mean, some people care a little bit.

411
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:31,420
The twerpy little twerps from
the environmental place,

412
00:17:31,454 --> 00:17:33,655
they care, but I was a good person

413
00:17:33,690 --> 00:17:35,524
for six months.

414
00:17:35,558 --> 00:17:39,494
That's like five years,
and it felt okay,

415
00:17:39,529 --> 00:17:42,164
but not as good as I thought it would.

416
00:17:42,198 --> 00:17:44,333
And what did I get for it?

417
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:47,669
Ah, see, now you're talking
about moral desert.

418
00:17:47,704 --> 00:17:50,172
Exactly.

419
00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:51,373
Wait, I am? What?

420
00:17:51,407 --> 00:17:52,908
Moral desert is the concept

421
00:17:52,942 --> 00:17:55,244
that if you act with virtue,

422
00:17:55,278 --> 00:17:57,012
you deserve a reward.

423
00:17:57,046 --> 00:17:59,748
Right. If I'm not gonna
get rewarded somehow,

424
00:17:59,782 --> 00:18:03,886
like a tiara or one of those
diagonal award belts...

425
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,087
- Sash.
- Sure.

426
00:18:05,121 --> 00:18:07,556
Then why should I do good things?

427
00:18:08,157 --> 00:18:09,625
You know, I had a friend that said

428
00:18:09,659 --> 00:18:12,194
whenever she was doing something bad,

429
00:18:12,228 --> 00:18:15,097
she'd hear this...
this little voice in her head,

430
00:18:15,131 --> 00:18:17,766
distant little voice,
saying, "Oh, come on now.

431
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,301
You know this is wrong."

432
00:18:19,335 --> 00:18:22,905
And then when she
started doing good things,

433
00:18:22,939 --> 00:18:24,439
that voice went away.

434
00:18:24,474 --> 00:18:25,741
It was a relief.

435
00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:27,876
Your friend sounds like she's

436
00:18:27,911 --> 00:18:31,280
one pick short of a... pickle party.

437
00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:33,982
She's a little rough around the edges,

438
00:18:34,017 --> 00:18:37,152
but she was also a really good person,

439
00:18:37,186 --> 00:18:38,387
when she tried.

440
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,455
See, I think that little voice

441
00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:41,823
was her conscience,

442
00:18:41,858 --> 00:18:44,259
trying to guide her in
the right direction.

443
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,896
I gotta go home. What do I owe ya?

444
00:18:47,931 --> 00:18:50,899
The real question, Eleanor,

445
00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:53,468
is what do we owe to each other?

446
00:18:53,503 --> 00:18:55,904
What? Did I sell you a drink?

447
00:18:55,939 --> 00:18:58,173
Am I a bartender?

448
00:18:58,207 --> 00:19:00,409
Drinks are on me.

449
00:19:00,443 --> 00:19:01,710
Good luck.

450
00:19:06,556 --> 00:19:07,921
Ow.

451
00:19:13,043 --> 00:19:15,129
Anybody notice I was gone?

452
00:19:15,161 --> 00:19:17,429
Nope.

453
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,339
What do we owe to each other?

454
00:19:36,371 --> 00:19:38,972
That is the question Tim Scanlon asked

455
00:19:39,007 --> 00:19:40,474
decades ago,

456
00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:43,310
and it is a question
I will try to answer

457
00:19:43,344 --> 00:19:44,845
over the next three hours.

458
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,513
Ugh. No thanks.

459
00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:48,415
We all have a voice in our head.

460
00:19:48,449 --> 00:19:51,652
That voice doesn't tell us
what to do or not do,

461
00:19:51,686 --> 00:19:55,971
but it does warn us when we do
things that don't feel good

462
00:19:55,996 --> 00:19:57,159
or right.

463
00:19:57,184 --> 00:19:58,809
The difference between...
the term "reasonable,"

464
00:19:58,834 --> 00:19:59,827
what does it mean

465
00:19:59,870 --> 00:20:01,971
to be a reasonable person?

466
00:20:01,996 --> 00:20:04,331
I may have a different
definition of reasonable...

467
00:20:04,365 --> 00:20:05,766
...so why do it then?

468
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:07,853
Why choose to be good every day

469
00:20:07,878 --> 00:20:11,138
if there is no guaranteed
reward we can count on,

470
00:20:11,172 --> 00:20:13,071
now or in the afterlife?

471
00:20:13,110 --> 00:20:14,983
I argue that we choose to be good

472
00:20:15,008 --> 00:20:16,923
because of our bonds with other people

473
00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:20,727
and our innate desire
to treat them with dignity.

474
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,696
Simply put, we are not in this alone.

475
00:20:25,499 --> 00:20:27,767
Hey, dong bait,
didn't you get my message?

476
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,969
Let's go. Time is booze.

477
00:20:30,004 --> 00:20:31,404
Yeah, no thanks.

478
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:32,939
I'm...

479
00:20:32,973 --> 00:20:35,141
going somewhere else.

480
00:20:40,714 --> 00:20:42,115
G'day. Where you headed?

481
00:20:42,149 --> 00:20:43,616
St. John's University, please.

482
00:20:43,651 --> 00:20:44,984
No worries.

483
00:20:58,332 --> 00:20:59,833
- Hi.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

484
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:01,100
Office hours are on Tuesday.

485
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,335
Oh, I... I'm not a student.

486
00:21:02,369 --> 00:21:05,638
Are you Chidi Ana... kendrick?

487
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:07,207
Anagonye, and yes.

488
00:21:07,241 --> 00:21:08,775
From the long, nerdy video

489
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,310
about the little voice
that tells you to be good?

490
00:21:10,344 --> 00:21:11,678
From the Cassat Foundation
lecture series

491
00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:13,971
on the practical applications
of ethical theory.

492
00:21:13,996 --> 00:21:15,348
- Yes.
- Great.

493
00:21:15,382 --> 00:21:17,517
Hi. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.

494
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:20,253
Can we talk?

495
00:21:22,723 --> 00:21:24,691
Okay.

496
00:21:24,725 --> 00:21:26,250
Here we go.

497
00:21:26,274 --> 00:21:28,274
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com