1 00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:03,872 Cheers! 2 00:00:05,499 --> 00:00:06,674 Hey, Ronnie. 3 00:00:07,532 --> 00:00:08,498 Ronnie! 4 00:00:09,031 --> 00:00:10,711 Oh, hey, what is it, Artem? 5 00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:12,393 I'm not very happy right now. 6 00:00:12,752 --> 00:00:15,320 If I were an emoji, I would be frown face. 7 00:00:15,355 --> 00:00:17,388 Oh, if this is about your cologne, I already told you, 8 00:00:17,424 --> 00:00:18,857 you can't bring that stuff on board, 9 00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:20,325 they use it in explosives. 10 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,727 No, that's a separate infuriating issue. 11 00:00:22,992 --> 00:00:24,358 This is about luggage. 12 00:00:24,394 --> 00:00:28,296 Now Jackpot charge ten dollars for carry-on. 13 00:00:28,364 --> 00:00:30,898 This fee is no good for gambling profit. 14 00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:32,233 I know, it sucks. 15 00:00:32,268 --> 00:00:34,302 It's just Jackpot following the other airlines' lead. 16 00:00:34,337 --> 00:00:36,304 They're squeezing out every dollar they can. 17 00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:38,940 It's better than when they tried charging for overhead bassinets. 18 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,464 I still have nightmares about the babies I didn't catch. 19 00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:47,481 Oh. 20 00:00:47,644 --> 00:00:49,344 Well, I'm outraged. 21 00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:52,266 I'm gonna give this flight zero stars on Airbnb. 22 00:00:52,267 --> 00:00:54,928 Okay. Wait, um, how about I let you 23 00:00:54,953 --> 00:00:56,754 use the beverage cart, 24 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,101 so you can make that weird tomato juice iced tea thing 25 00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,425 you're always talking about? 26 00:01:00,465 --> 00:01:03,065 I can finally make an Artem Palmer? 27 00:01:03,101 --> 00:01:04,502 You have deal, Ronnie. 28 00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:05,993 Oh. If I were emoji now, 29 00:01:06,029 --> 00:01:09,334 I would be smiley face or lady in the bathtub. 30 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,379 Because I pamper myself. 31 00:01:12,419 --> 00:01:15,005 Have to admit, pretty impressive how you handled that. 32 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,576 I was expecting cologne to start exploding any minute. 33 00:01:18,027 --> 00:01:20,279 I know how to manage my passengers. 34 00:01:20,311 --> 00:01:23,100 It's my job to know what they need. They're my people. 35 00:01:23,486 --> 00:01:24,818 Like, uh, like that guy. 36 00:01:24,854 --> 00:01:27,154 That's James. He always shows up for his flight 37 00:01:27,179 --> 00:01:29,230 so drunk, he forgets the name of his hotel. 38 00:01:29,239 --> 00:01:31,640 So, I write it down for him. Hey, James. 39 00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:32,974 - Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 40 00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:35,193 Ooh, the Wynn. 41 00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:37,882 Sober me must be doing pretty good. 42 00:01:38,633 --> 00:01:40,671 And that's Ben. 43 00:01:40,696 --> 00:01:42,128 He says he's here visiting family, 44 00:01:42,164 --> 00:01:43,864 but I'm pretty sure he's just stalking Nichole. 45 00:01:43,899 --> 00:01:46,105 - Stalking Nichole? - Oh, he's harmless. 46 00:01:46,614 --> 00:01:49,410 It's her other stalker, Kristen, we really have to worry about. 47 00:01:50,509 --> 00:01:51,708 And that's Dean. 48 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,869 He's always one of the first to board, 49 00:01:54,104 --> 00:01:55,426 orders his coffee black, 50 00:01:55,427 --> 00:01:57,093 two sugars, and every week, 51 00:01:57,128 --> 00:01:59,037 flies with his lovely, lovely wife... 52 00:02:00,832 --> 00:02:04,133 ...who is suddenly blonde and 20 years younger. 53 00:02:08,106 --> 00:02:09,171 Jackpot Airlines. 54 00:02:09,207 --> 00:02:11,107 Northeast-bound to Las Vegas. 55 00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:18,080 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 56 00:02:18,116 --> 00:02:20,082 I got it, I got it. 57 00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:23,590 Oh. 58 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:26,962 You have to pay to open it now. 59 00:02:27,405 --> 00:02:29,493 Oh, I see. So they're holding my biography 60 00:02:29,494 --> 00:02:31,018 of Patty Hearst hostage up there. 61 00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:32,238 Well, it could be worse. 62 00:02:32,263 --> 00:02:33,896 I heard VegasAir has a staircase fee 63 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,352 just to get off the plane. 64 00:02:36,926 --> 00:02:38,059 This is your captain here 65 00:02:38,094 --> 00:02:39,493 with a little reminder. 66 00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:41,495 Now that marijuana's legal in Vegas, 67 00:02:41,531 --> 00:02:43,979 you deserve to treat yourself to a little puff, 68 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,168 a Korean massage and a sandwich. 69 00:02:47,203 --> 00:02:50,237 So head on down to Kim Bong Dill's Dispensary, 70 00:02:50,273 --> 00:02:52,321 Spa and Deli. 71 00:02:52,508 --> 00:02:55,342 Supreme leader says, "It's the bomb." 72 00:02:55,378 --> 00:02:58,212 Jackpot 529, winds 280 at ten. 73 00:02:58,281 --> 00:02:59,747 Should be a smooth flight. 74 00:03:00,675 --> 00:03:02,951 It is now that I'm talking to you, Gwen. 75 00:03:02,985 --> 00:03:04,984 Always the charmer, Captain Dave. 76 00:03:05,039 --> 00:03:07,873 Once you get to Vegas, feel free to buzz my tower and say hi. 77 00:03:08,437 --> 00:03:12,168 Will do. I'll be the handsome brunette flying a plane. 78 00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:16,794 I think ATC Gwen likes you. 79 00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:18,662 Nah, she's just a flirt, that one. 80 00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,565 I don't know, she doesn't talk to other pilots like that. 81 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:22,966 You should ask her out. 82 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:24,139 Yeah, right. 83 00:03:24,493 --> 00:03:26,960 A pilot dating an air traffic controller? 84 00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:29,631 Can you imagine? 85 00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:33,033 Yeah. It wasn't that hard. 86 00:03:36,724 --> 00:03:39,325 Hey, as a frequent flyer, I'm used to this plane 87 00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:41,367 being a capitalist hell state, 88 00:03:41,377 --> 00:03:44,611 but I'm swiping my credit card and my seat won't recline. 89 00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:48,264 Oh, it looks like the guy behind you paid double 90 00:03:48,265 --> 00:03:49,864 to keep yours in the upright position. 91 00:03:49,899 --> 00:03:51,332 Well, in that case, how much would it cost 92 00:03:51,368 --> 00:03:52,734 to scream into a pillow? 93 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:57,143 Um... Nothing to scream, but a pillow is ten dollars. 94 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,073 Oh! I take it back, screaming is five. 95 00:03:59,109 --> 00:04:01,909 I'll pay $50 for a drinks cart to block my view of those two. 96 00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:05,580 You want to know the most disgusting part about them? 97 00:04:05,648 --> 00:04:08,383 I saw it. He touched his armrest, then touched her face. 98 00:04:08,418 --> 00:04:10,786 Best she can hope for now is debilitating pink eye. 99 00:04:10,811 --> 00:04:13,418 No. That guy's cheating on his wife, and that poor girl 100 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,351 probably has no idea. 101 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,485 He's not wearing his wedding ring. 102 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,087 Wedding rings don't mean anything. 103 00:04:17,122 --> 00:04:19,022 Rock Hudson had one, and I had Rock Hudson. 104 00:04:19,184 --> 00:04:20,426 How old are you? 105 00:04:20,481 --> 00:04:22,251 Nichole, you're a woman. Back me up here. 106 00:04:22,287 --> 00:04:24,821 Your generation is so obsessed with labels. 107 00:04:24,856 --> 00:04:26,322 But, yes, as a cis female 108 00:04:26,357 --> 00:04:29,621 polyamory-tolerant monogamist, I find cheating repulsive. 109 00:04:29,796 --> 00:04:32,728 But, as a stripper, cheating is the backbone of my industry, 110 00:04:32,764 --> 00:04:34,640 and mama can recline her chair all she wants. 111 00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,561 - This whole thing is disgusting. - Thank you. 112 00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:39,386 They make you pay now just to recline your seat. 113 00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:41,455 Back in the old days, we'd carve our complimentary roast beef 114 00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:42,723 right in the aisle. 115 00:04:42,758 --> 00:04:44,524 I'm losing track of this conversation. 116 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,173 Let's everybody go around and say what we're angry about. 117 00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:51,211 So far, I've got cheating, gender labels and roast beef. 118 00:04:51,212 --> 00:04:53,208 - Yes. - Okay, good to know. 119 00:04:55,874 --> 00:04:56,961 Hey, Ronovan. 120 00:04:58,451 --> 00:05:00,402 - Can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm. 121 00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:04,188 Let's say there's a woman I know, professionally, 122 00:05:04,257 --> 00:05:07,358 and... wanted to ask her out. 123 00:05:07,393 --> 00:05:09,026 - That'd be okay, right? - No. 124 00:05:09,062 --> 00:05:10,928 Let's say it was okay. 125 00:05:10,964 --> 00:05:13,931 How would I, you know, do that? 126 00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:15,766 - Do what? - Ask her out. 127 00:05:16,970 --> 00:05:18,936 I'm about to be brave 128 00:05:18,972 --> 00:05:20,793 and tell you something personal here. 129 00:05:21,615 --> 00:05:24,083 You see, I haven't asked a woman out on a date 130 00:05:24,119 --> 00:05:25,452 since my last divorce. 131 00:05:25,487 --> 00:05:28,188 Oh, you're a good person to ask about this. 132 00:05:28,223 --> 00:05:30,123 Didn't all your ex-wives cheat on you? 133 00:05:30,352 --> 00:05:31,586 Yes, that's right. 134 00:05:31,587 --> 00:05:34,328 So, if there had been someone to expose the situation, 135 00:05:34,369 --> 00:05:36,203 that would've been a good thing, right? 136 00:05:36,346 --> 00:05:39,747 Well, yeah, that's why for number three, I hired a P.I. 137 00:05:39,783 --> 00:05:41,649 But he just got himself in on the action. 138 00:05:41,685 --> 00:05:42,917 This is helpful. Thanks, Dave. 139 00:05:42,953 --> 00:05:44,528 Wait, we never talked about me. 140 00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:46,633 Oh, you having trouble 141 00:05:46,658 --> 00:05:48,856 tricking woman into love. 142 00:05:48,892 --> 00:05:49,857 Listen. 143 00:05:49,893 --> 00:05:51,220 Here's what you say: 144 00:05:51,221 --> 00:05:54,454 "I spend most of my time in the clouds, but you are real angel." 145 00:05:54,608 --> 00:05:56,342 I'm not taking love advice 146 00:05:56,377 --> 00:05:59,146 from someone who mixes tomato juice and iced tea. 147 00:05:59,521 --> 00:06:01,045 I don't mix. 148 00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:03,571 I stir with a tiny sword. 149 00:06:03,751 --> 00:06:04,817 So you're just gonna walk right up 150 00:06:04,852 --> 00:06:06,318 to that girl and tell her he's married? 151 00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,220 Have you considered she might already know and doesn't care? 152 00:06:08,255 --> 00:06:09,254 Oh, now you're being rational? 153 00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:10,656 Last week, you tried to get someone 154 00:06:10,691 --> 00:06:12,491 kicked off the plane for watching La La Land. 155 00:06:12,526 --> 00:06:15,227 I don't need Ryan Gosling to whitesplain jazz to me. 156 00:06:15,262 --> 00:06:17,162 I'm overhearing all this. I'm not eavesdropping. 157 00:06:17,198 --> 00:06:19,565 You're both screaming, and it all sounds terrible. 158 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,033 Okay, intervening in other people's lives 159 00:06:21,068 --> 00:06:24,503 is such a poor idea, I'm actually ignoring my own advice 160 00:06:24,538 --> 00:06:26,171 to intervene and tell you that. 161 00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:29,041 How come when I butt into other people's lives, I'm nosy, 162 00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:30,542 but when Bernard does it, he's charming? 163 00:06:30,578 --> 00:06:32,077 Well, it's just a likability issue. 164 00:06:32,113 --> 00:06:34,046 Look, I know you think you're being helpful, 165 00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:36,181 but it's not your place to tell this woman anything. 166 00:06:36,217 --> 00:06:38,306 You're her flight attendant, not her friend. 167 00:06:38,337 --> 00:06:42,321 Up here, I'm friend, bartender, human rights champion. 168 00:06:42,356 --> 00:06:44,590 That African-American man wanted to sit in the back row. 169 00:06:44,625 --> 00:06:46,358 He was with his friends. 170 00:06:46,394 --> 00:06:48,660 Look, this girl deserves to know what she's getting involved in. 171 00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:50,229 I'm trying to help her. 172 00:06:50,264 --> 00:06:53,932 Just watch, I'm gonna save her 20s without her even noticing. 173 00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:55,100 No, Ro... 174 00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:59,171 Hi, let me know if you guys need anything. 175 00:06:59,206 --> 00:07:01,707 Oh, that's a nice shirt. Did your wife get that for you? 176 00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:05,210 Did you see that? 177 00:07:05,246 --> 00:07:07,279 I just lit the fuse on a ticking time bomb. 178 00:07:07,314 --> 00:07:08,881 If it's a time bomb, it wouldn't have a fuse. 179 00:07:08,916 --> 00:07:10,182 Yeah, I believe it would have a timer. 180 00:07:10,217 --> 00:07:12,220 Okay, then I lit the timer. Who cares? Just watch. 181 00:07:17,458 --> 00:07:18,624 Looks like the fuse went out. 182 00:07:18,692 --> 00:07:20,192 We just agreed it didn't have a fuse. 183 00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:22,512 Perhaps we should all stop talking about bombs? 184 00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:24,486 - What? - Yeah. 185 00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,458 Okay, that's enough screen time for you. 186 00:07:30,724 --> 00:07:32,980 Hey there, JP 529. 187 00:07:33,325 --> 00:07:34,624 Hey, Gwen. 188 00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:35,690 Where you been? 189 00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:38,204 Cheating on me with other planes? 190 00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:39,572 No way. 191 00:07:39,573 --> 00:07:40,972 You know I'm a Jackpot girl. 192 00:07:41,007 --> 00:07:43,007 I bet you say that to all the airlines. 193 00:07:45,541 --> 00:07:48,541 I'm gonna need you to turn right heading 060. 194 00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:50,875 As you wish. 195 00:07:51,211 --> 00:07:54,512 Anyway, I was thinking, and call me a relief pitcher, 196 00:07:54,548 --> 00:07:57,248 because this is coming out of left field... 197 00:07:58,084 --> 00:08:00,000 ...I spend all my time 198 00:08:00,056 --> 00:08:02,954 with angels in the clouds... 199 00:08:02,989 --> 00:08:04,189 Anyway, nothing. 200 00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,776 Did you just have a stroke? 201 00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:11,486 You're not supposed to be in here, 202 00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,479 so let's make this quick. 203 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,546 I just need you to help me ask out Gwen. 204 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,656 Okay. You do like this: 205 00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,315 "Gwen, I'm not a man 206 00:08:19,340 --> 00:08:21,844 who easily says feelings. 207 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,997 "But when that flying love baby hits you, 208 00:08:24,998 --> 00:08:26,563 "you have to answer the call. 209 00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:29,305 "I believe the airplane gods 210 00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,337 connected us for a purpose, 211 00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:35,042 and that purpose is for the making of love." 212 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,729 Hey, Gwen. 213 00:08:38,764 --> 00:08:40,931 This is Jackpot Five-Two-Niner, 214 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,934 just letting you know that I'm not a guy who opens up easily, 215 00:08:44,227 --> 00:08:48,005 but when you're shot by Cupid's arrow, you have to act. 216 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,773 "Cupid." That is name. 217 00:08:49,809 --> 00:08:52,443 I think this universe put us on this radio for a reason. 218 00:08:52,478 --> 00:08:55,054 And that reason is to take you out 219 00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:57,209 for a steak dinner tonight. 220 00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:59,994 You don't have to answer right now, just think about it. 221 00:09:02,696 --> 00:09:03,989 How does it feel? 222 00:09:04,014 --> 00:09:05,117 Feels good. 223 00:09:06,355 --> 00:09:08,055 In fact, it feels real good. 224 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:11,564 Okay, because you just said that to the whole plane. 225 00:09:12,194 --> 00:09:13,427 - _ - DAVE : ...is to 226 00:09:13,462 --> 00:09:15,663 take you out for a steak dinner tonight. 227 00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:18,350 You don't have to answer right now, just think about it. 228 00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:21,006 You can get out now. 229 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:24,769 Please, can I stay until a bird explodes on the windshield? 230 00:09:24,804 --> 00:09:25,825 Get out. 231 00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:27,641 Come on, Dave. 232 00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:29,846 We talked about this. No passengers in the cockpit. 233 00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:32,939 I guess I'm wrong. 234 00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,972 Maybe she does already know he's married. 235 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,310 Or maybe she had earbuds in and didn't even hear me. 236 00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:41,379 - I have another chance. - Oh, please don't. 237 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,215 Secondhand embarrassment kills 13 Englishmen a year. 238 00:09:44,471 --> 00:09:47,506 So what? I'm just supposed to sit back and do nothing, 239 00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:50,133 while that poor, naive girl falls deeper into love? 240 00:09:50,134 --> 00:09:51,766 With no idea that the reason 241 00:09:51,802 --> 00:09:54,436 her name is "IKEA" in that guy's phone is not a cute reference 242 00:09:54,504 --> 00:09:55,904 to where they first had sex, 243 00:09:55,939 --> 00:09:57,872 but to hide her from his chiropractor wife, 244 00:09:57,908 --> 00:10:00,041 and by the way, if he ever thinks 245 00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:01,609 he's getting his Jethro Tull T-shirt back, 246 00:10:01,645 --> 00:10:03,044 he's out of his mind. 247 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,079 Excuse me. 248 00:10:04,114 --> 00:10:05,455 Oddly specific. 249 00:10:06,308 --> 00:10:07,491 Who was he? 250 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,037 His name was Eric. 251 00:10:09,099 --> 00:10:11,299 I met him in junior college in Bakersfield. 252 00:10:11,335 --> 00:10:13,269 He was older. Swept me off my feet. 253 00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:15,232 Vacations, fancy dinners. 254 00:10:15,257 --> 00:10:17,691 Those movies where the actors are, like, right there. 255 00:10:17,726 --> 00:10:18,991 You know they're called plays. 256 00:10:19,015 --> 00:10:20,448 Anyway, I dropped out of school, 257 00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:21,983 and moved to L.A. to be with him, 258 00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:23,608 only he was a little too busy... 259 00:10:24,266 --> 00:10:25,377 with his wife. 260 00:10:26,618 --> 00:10:28,022 Do you know what I would've given 261 00:10:28,058 --> 00:10:29,991 to have someone who could've warned me? 262 00:10:31,119 --> 00:10:33,743 I feel terrible that that happened to you, 263 00:10:33,949 --> 00:10:35,816 but even if this were any of our business... 264 00:10:35,851 --> 00:10:38,118 Which again, to be clear, it's absolutely not... 265 00:10:38,153 --> 00:10:39,820 This is hardly the time or the place 266 00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:41,847 to be delivering such delicate news. 267 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,834 I mean, for God's sake, we're three feet away 268 00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,337 from a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator. 269 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:48,673 For legal purposes, 270 00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:50,942 I'm just a "gender-fluid rum pirate." 271 00:10:50,977 --> 00:10:52,977 Fine. God, I liked you better when you kept 272 00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:54,846 your rational ideas to yourself. 273 00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:58,182 Okay, so from my experience, 274 00:10:58,218 --> 00:10:59,650 the way to get a woman's attention 275 00:10:59,686 --> 00:11:01,319 is to completely ignore her. 276 00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:02,553 Or buy her an island. 277 00:11:02,589 --> 00:11:03,821 Like a kitchen island? 278 00:11:03,857 --> 00:11:05,323 No, like an island island. 279 00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:07,634 Like, "Treasure" or "Long." 280 00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:11,201 Vegas approach, Jackpot 529, level 15,000. 281 00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:14,633 Wait, no, this is your chance. Just play it cool, don't answer. 282 00:11:14,668 --> 00:11:16,264 Jackpot 529? 283 00:11:16,928 --> 00:11:18,717 529, can you hear me? 284 00:11:19,692 --> 00:11:21,946 529, are you there? 285 00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:25,604 Dave? Dave. 286 00:11:25,842 --> 00:11:28,838 Oh, my God. We've lost comm with Jackpot 529. 287 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:31,334 No, we're here. 288 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,522 We're fine. 289 00:11:32,694 --> 00:11:35,094 JK, JK. 290 00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:36,938 What the hell is going on there? 291 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,162 Why did you answer? 292 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,568 You totally had her. 293 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:43,004 You know we're charging to lower tray tables now? 294 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,211 They've taken all the dignity out of flying. 295 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:46,838 Judy Garland once said 296 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,617 she had the best bowel movement of her life 297 00:11:48,671 --> 00:11:51,327 after eating a salmon mousse on a TWA flight to Paris. 298 00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:52,882 Now look what we've become. 299 00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:55,534 Excuse me. 300 00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:57,498 Oh, hi. 301 00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,500 This is embarrassing to ask, but... 302 00:11:59,867 --> 00:12:01,702 am I doing something wrong? 303 00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:03,437 Wow. Okay. 304 00:12:03,506 --> 00:12:04,824 I-I mean, 305 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,786 I know that it's not really my place to say anything, 306 00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,552 but I know when it happened to me, I blamed myself 307 00:12:10,567 --> 00:12:11,800 for a really long time. 308 00:12:11,835 --> 00:12:14,725 So I guess my question is, 309 00:12:14,975 --> 00:12:16,395 how much do you know? 310 00:12:17,841 --> 00:12:20,375 I know that the little slide says "vacant," 311 00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:21,943 but I can't get the door open. 312 00:12:21,978 --> 00:12:23,678 Am I, am I doing something wrong? 313 00:12:23,714 --> 00:12:25,213 Oh. No, yeah. 314 00:12:25,248 --> 00:12:26,948 I mean... well, I mean, no, you're not, you're not. 315 00:12:26,983 --> 00:12:28,650 It's... we, um, we're just... we're charging 50 cents 316 00:12:28,685 --> 00:12:29,818 to use the bathroom now. 317 00:12:29,853 --> 00:12:32,487 Or you could get a potty pass for $9.99. 318 00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:34,989 But you know what? This one, um... 319 00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:36,739 - This is on me. - Thank you. 320 00:12:36,764 --> 00:12:39,227 - Yeah. - Wait. I'm sorry. 321 00:12:39,611 --> 00:12:41,262 What did you think I was talking about? 322 00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,001 What's that? 323 00:12:44,634 --> 00:12:46,568 - This is decaf, right? - Sure. 324 00:12:47,664 --> 00:12:49,671 Before you judge me, I'm gonna start at the end. 325 00:12:49,672 --> 00:12:51,805 She is so happy I said something. 326 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,269 Something to who about what? 327 00:12:53,279 --> 00:12:55,212 Dyana, the mistress. I told her Dean is married. 328 00:12:55,247 --> 00:12:57,513 And then, we planned a lunch, but I'm probably gonna cancel. 329 00:12:57,549 --> 00:12:58,748 You told her? 330 00:12:58,783 --> 00:13:00,250 Didn't we agree that was a bad idea? 331 00:13:00,285 --> 00:13:01,484 It just happened. 332 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,419 We had this delightful bathroom misunderstanding, 333 00:13:03,455 --> 00:13:05,221 and we started talking, and then we were hugging, 334 00:13:05,257 --> 00:13:06,789 and then she got mascara on my shoulder, 335 00:13:06,825 --> 00:13:09,158 which I said don't worry about, but it does kind of bother me. 336 00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:10,793 "Mascara on my Shoulder." 337 00:13:10,829 --> 00:13:13,196 Isn't that the title of a Joan Collins memoir? 338 00:13:13,231 --> 00:13:15,198 Now, is that a real question, or a burn? 339 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:17,111 I honestly have no idea with him. 340 00:13:17,112 --> 00:13:19,812 She was upset, yes, but she was also so sweet, 341 00:13:19,847 --> 00:13:21,280 and so grateful to know the truth, 342 00:13:21,315 --> 00:13:23,149 and maybe I will do that lunch with her. 343 00:13:23,217 --> 00:13:25,251 And you're okay being trapped with these people 344 00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:27,653 in an enclosed space 20,000 feet up? 345 00:13:27,688 --> 00:13:29,655 She promised that she wouldn't say anything until we landed, 346 00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,524 and she'd totally leave me out of it. 347 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,392 You're married? You son of a bitch! 348 00:13:33,495 --> 00:13:34,527 What? 349 00:13:34,562 --> 00:13:36,295 - Who told you that? - Her. 350 00:13:39,188 --> 00:13:42,201 Well, that lunch is totally off. 351 00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:44,719 I have no idea what she's talking about. 352 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,024 Oh, really? Why would she lie to me? 353 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,458 I have no... I don't know. 354 00:13:47,865 --> 00:13:50,161 Hey, Kelly. Gary. Anything to drink? 355 00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:52,188 Okay. 356 00:13:52,522 --> 00:13:53,988 Artem. You want some pretzels? 357 00:13:54,024 --> 00:13:56,057 Hey, I'm sorry, Ronald, but I would prefer you stay out 358 00:13:56,092 --> 00:13:57,759 of my personal business, okay? 359 00:13:57,794 --> 00:13:59,394 Are pretzels that personal? 360 00:13:59,429 --> 00:14:01,357 Yeah, the way I eat them, they are. Oh, yes. 361 00:14:04,217 --> 00:14:05,400 What's going on? 362 00:14:05,435 --> 00:14:07,168 All the passengers are acting so weird. 363 00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:08,903 Can you blame them? They just saw what happens 364 00:14:08,939 --> 00:14:10,638 when you let Hurricane Ronnie into your life. 365 00:14:10,674 --> 00:14:13,641 No, I was trying to help. Nichole, you get that, right? 366 00:14:13,677 --> 00:14:16,010 Please don't tell my dad I strip at Grapefruits. 367 00:14:16,046 --> 00:14:17,845 Also, don't tell Grapefruits I love my dad. 368 00:14:17,881 --> 00:14:19,480 It's a real bummer for customers. 369 00:14:19,516 --> 00:14:22,150 No, I... I thought I was doing something good. 370 00:14:22,185 --> 00:14:24,608 I love my passengers. They're my people. 371 00:14:24,861 --> 00:14:27,585 I mean... look. James, hey, 372 00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:29,571 I-I wrote down the name of your hotel again 373 00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:30,752 in case you lost the first one. 374 00:14:30,753 --> 00:14:32,709 I don't want it. Take this. 375 00:14:33,057 --> 00:14:35,117 It's a note for you to give to sober me, 376 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,526 telling drunk me not to let you give me notes anymore. 377 00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,565 Hey there, Jackpot, 378 00:14:42,599 --> 00:14:44,366 you're cleared I-L-S two-eight right for landing. 379 00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:47,202 Copy that, and can I just add congratulations 380 00:14:47,237 --> 00:14:49,438 on being a strong woman in the workplace? 381 00:14:49,473 --> 00:14:51,077 Aw, thanks. 382 00:14:51,742 --> 00:14:54,246 So, I guess it's time to sign off? 383 00:14:54,878 --> 00:14:58,213 Come on, Captain, ask her out. She's your sky-mate. 384 00:15:01,986 --> 00:15:04,798 Captain Dave likes you and he wants to ask you out. Bye. 385 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:06,866 Sorry, Jackpot, could you repeat? 386 00:15:07,825 --> 00:15:10,222 Uh, yeah, Gwen. 387 00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:14,907 There's a bar in terminal "C" next to the noodle place 388 00:15:14,908 --> 00:15:16,079 with the great... 389 00:15:16,518 --> 00:15:17,666 Noodles. 390 00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,945 Would you want to go 391 00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:24,189 and grab a drink with me when we land? 392 00:15:24,869 --> 00:15:26,657 It's about time you asked. 393 00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:30,196 Copy that. And prepare for landing. 394 00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:34,167 Hey! Captain Dave! 395 00:15:34,202 --> 00:15:35,902 I knew you had it in you. 396 00:15:35,938 --> 00:15:37,971 Hey, I've been out of the game for a minute. 397 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,641 How far do people go on first dates these days? 398 00:15:41,710 --> 00:15:43,910 I've heard butts are very popular right now. 399 00:15:43,946 --> 00:15:45,337 Still here, Jackpot. 400 00:15:48,083 --> 00:15:50,717 Thank you. Thank you for flying Jackpot. 401 00:15:50,752 --> 00:15:53,814 I'm still your friend... you can trust me with your secrets. 402 00:15:57,385 --> 00:15:59,885 Hey. Black coffee, two sugars to go? 403 00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,442 I don't know who the hell you think you are, 404 00:16:01,478 --> 00:16:03,778 but what I do is none of your business. 405 00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:06,027 What? You think just because we fly on the same plane, 406 00:16:06,062 --> 00:16:09,063 that you have this unique insight into our lives? 407 00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:10,865 That's pathetic. You are a nobody 408 00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,667 to the people on this plane. 409 00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:15,403 And when we want something from you, we'll hit the call button. 410 00:16:15,438 --> 00:16:17,071 I'm sorry, is there a problem? 411 00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:18,206 Stay out of it, Frenchie. 412 00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:19,266 Frenchie? 413 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:23,322 Hey. Hey, hey. Um, you all right? 414 00:16:23,353 --> 00:16:26,288 Mm-hmm. Yeah, oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. 415 00:16:26,356 --> 00:16:27,589 I just... 416 00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:29,661 You were right, I was really stupid 417 00:16:29,686 --> 00:16:31,194 to get involved is all, I... 418 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:33,152 Excuse me. 419 00:16:36,219 --> 00:16:37,908 Oh, my God. 420 00:16:45,958 --> 00:16:49,360 Um, hi. Excuse me. Uh, yeah, you. 421 00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:51,462 Um, I don't know exactly what it is you said 422 00:16:51,497 --> 00:16:53,297 to that flight attendant back there, 423 00:16:53,332 --> 00:16:55,299 but she's pretty shaken up, so I think... 424 00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:56,967 What is it with all you people? 425 00:16:57,003 --> 00:16:59,470 Why can't anybody on that plane mind their own business? 426 00:16:59,505 --> 00:17:01,405 Hey, buddy, I'm the lord chancellor 427 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,358 of "mind your own business," but that woman you accosted, 428 00:17:04,429 --> 00:17:05,743 she is my business. 429 00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,319 So, if you were any kind of man, you would go back in there 430 00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:09,933 and you'd apologize. 431 00:17:09,967 --> 00:17:11,967 Oh, I will show you exactly what kind of man I am 432 00:17:12,002 --> 00:17:14,742 if you don't get out of my face, Gérard Depardieu. 433 00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,344 Gérard Depar... I'm clearly English. 434 00:17:17,646 --> 00:17:20,376 You, on the other hand, you're a bully and a philanderer. 435 00:17:21,653 --> 00:17:23,483 I really wish you didn't just poke me. 436 00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:24,785 Why? What are you gonna do? 437 00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:25,953 You gonna hit me? 438 00:17:25,988 --> 00:17:27,782 No, I'm gonna detain you. 439 00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:32,157 You have no idea who you're dealing with, buddy. 440 00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:33,891 Whoa, what's going on? 441 00:17:34,148 --> 00:17:35,962 Did Frenchie do something wrong? 442 00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:37,920 What? I'm the one being assaulted. 443 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,590 Yeah, by an air marshal. 444 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,058 Wait, you're an air marshal? 445 00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,328 Yes. And that woman I've been flying out with every week 446 00:17:44,719 --> 00:17:46,195 was my trainee. 447 00:17:46,371 --> 00:17:48,397 Dyana is my girlfriend. 448 00:17:48,782 --> 00:17:49,867 Huh. 449 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:51,702 Oh, my God, that is the first time 450 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,382 you called me your girlfriend. 451 00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:55,362 Well, that's what you are, baby. 452 00:17:57,349 --> 00:17:58,782 Aw, that's nice. 453 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,447 I have a date tonight, too. 454 00:18:07,035 --> 00:18:09,502 So, the good news is they're letting you go 455 00:18:09,537 --> 00:18:10,970 with a stern warning. 456 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,605 Bad news is, we have definitely 457 00:18:12,641 --> 00:18:14,582 ruined the start of Dean's vacation. 458 00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:17,083 You know, as I sit here, rapidly losing feeling in my hands, 459 00:18:17,117 --> 00:18:18,617 It does occur to me: 460 00:18:18,652 --> 00:18:20,719 shouldn't you know the air marshals on board? 461 00:18:20,754 --> 00:18:22,687 They stopped telling me and Bernard a while ago 462 00:18:22,723 --> 00:18:24,556 because we were abusing the system. 463 00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:26,959 Can I have a coffee and a water? 464 00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:29,761 Hey, Air Marshal, you need to tase this bitch. 465 00:18:31,098 --> 00:18:32,898 For what it's worth, thank you 466 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,437 for sticking up for me like that. 467 00:18:34,772 --> 00:18:36,905 It was kind of badass hearing you be all like, 468 00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,440 "She is my business." 469 00:18:38,476 --> 00:18:40,476 - Wait, what accent is that? - French. 470 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,954 Clearly. 471 00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:44,589 But really, I appreciate it. 472 00:18:44,767 --> 00:18:47,535 Especially since I alienated everyone else on the plane. 473 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,289 So much for saying they're my people. 474 00:18:49,506 --> 00:18:52,666 Well, if it's any consolation, I'm still your people. 475 00:18:55,596 --> 00:18:59,141 Anyway, consider confronting that air marshal as my apology 476 00:18:59,189 --> 00:19:01,657 on behalf of men everywhere for Eric, 477 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,563 the chiropractor's husband. 478 00:19:03,564 --> 00:19:06,181 Well, in a way, Eric did me a favor. 479 00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:09,571 If I hadn't followed him to L.A., I probably would have just 480 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,674 stayed in Bakersfield, married a guy with a neck tattoo, 481 00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:15,110 who eventually gets pinched for driving the getaway car 482 00:19:15,145 --> 00:19:16,678 in an avocado heist. 483 00:19:16,703 --> 00:19:18,068 Again, oddly specific. 484 00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:19,611 His name was Randall. 485 00:19:19,646 --> 00:19:20,671 Yes. 486 00:19:26,863 --> 00:19:28,053 Is she here yet? 487 00:19:28,078 --> 00:19:30,554 I don't know. I have no idea what she looks like. 488 00:19:30,575 --> 00:19:32,374 Hey, wait, are you allowed to be back there? 489 00:19:32,399 --> 00:19:34,899 Jill loves it when I sling. Don't you, Jill? 490 00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:40,805 Excuse me, are you Captain Dave Pratman? 491 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,473 What?! You've been catfished. 492 00:19:43,495 --> 00:19:46,945 Listen, I've been on both sides catfish many times. 493 00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:50,338 But... remember, this man is hurting more than you. 494 00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:53,918 No. I'm Gwen's supervisor from air traffic control. 495 00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:55,820 Gwen's not gonna make it tonight. 496 00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:59,090 Oh, my God, was she on her way here, but then got hit by a car 497 00:19:59,125 --> 00:20:00,325 and was horribly disfigured, 498 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:01,993 and is now too embarrassed to see him? 499 00:20:02,028 --> 00:20:04,929 That's so romantic. Tell her to come, he'll love her anyway. 500 00:20:04,965 --> 00:20:07,165 Whoa, not so fast. 501 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,000 Just how broken is her face, Doc? 502 00:20:09,035 --> 00:20:10,535 What is wrong with you people? 503 00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:11,803 She was not in an accident. 504 00:20:11,838 --> 00:20:13,705 Gwen's filling out citation paperwork. 505 00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:16,152 Your conduct today was thoroughly unprofessional. 506 00:20:16,187 --> 00:20:17,520 A lot of people were on that channel. 507 00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:18,554 What were you thinking? 508 00:20:18,589 --> 00:20:20,256 We were thinking this is still a world 509 00:20:20,291 --> 00:20:22,124 where true love exists, you bastard. 510 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:23,225 It's okay. 511 00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:24,824 She's getting off with a warning. 512 00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:28,541 But from now on, that radio is just for ATC guidance only. Understand? 513 00:20:28,542 --> 00:20:29,622 I do. 514 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,901 That's the end for Gwen and Captain Dave. 515 00:20:33,216 --> 00:20:35,520 It was beautiful while it lasted. 516 00:20:35,618 --> 00:20:38,464 Turns out, we were just two planes crossing in the night. 517 00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:41,355 Or, just call her on the phone like a normal person. 518 00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:44,091 Here's her number. Stop being a weirdo. 519 00:20:45,430 --> 00:20:46,696 See you tonight, Nichole. 520 00:20:46,732 --> 00:20:49,399 Bye, Lewis. Remember to eat a light dinner! 521 00:20:49,611 --> 00:20:51,644 Well, look at that. 522 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:55,483 Turns out old Captain Dave's still got it. 523 00:20:56,477 --> 00:20:57,896 - So, when do I call? - Right now. 524 00:20:57,927 --> 00:20:59,684 - 20 days. - Never. I still think catfish. 525 00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:06,396 What's going on? 526 00:21:06,427 --> 00:21:07,693 Oh, you got your wish. 527 00:21:07,728 --> 00:21:09,227 Jackpot had so many complaints, they're getting rid of 528 00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:10,629 all the credit card swipers. 529 00:21:10,664 --> 00:21:12,597 Plus, everyone's identities were stolen. 530 00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:15,400 Well, at least they brought some of the dignity back to flying. 531 00:21:15,436 --> 00:21:17,202 Yeah, they found another way to make money. 532 00:21:17,783 --> 00:21:20,517 For a small fee, Jackpot passengers can now purchase 533 00:21:20,518 --> 00:21:21,750 in-flight flu shots.