1
00:00:11,514 --> 00:00:13,349
You all right there, chief?

2
00:00:13,396 --> 00:00:15,818
You look like you lost your
lucky bookmark or something.

3
00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:17,663
Oh, no. Did I?

4
00:00:18,631 --> 00:00:20,956
It's fine. Got it right here.

5
00:00:21,038 --> 00:00:24,540
It's just that now that we're
actually on the train,

6
00:00:24,575 --> 00:00:26,576
heading to Bad Place Headquarters,

7
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,895
this plan is starting
to feel slightly...

8
00:00:29,075 --> 00:00:30,847
completely insane.

9
00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:32,996
This is the only way
to get to the Judge?

10
00:00:33,021 --> 00:00:34,551
I'm afraid so. Yes.

11
00:00:34,583 --> 00:00:37,346
See the Judge exists
in a sort of neutral zone,

12
00:00:37,378 --> 00:00:39,713
separate from the Good Place
and the Bad Place.

13
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:42,174
The only things there are
the Judge's quarters,

14
00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:45,650
the accounting department,
and the Janet warehouse.

15
00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:48,028
There's also an IHOP.

16
00:00:48,056 --> 00:00:50,757
Oh! I'm gonna order the
Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity!

17
00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:53,727
No. Sorry. In this realm,
IHOP stands for

18
00:00:53,761 --> 00:00:56,263
"Interdimensional Hole of Pancakes."

19
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:58,947
You don't really eat these pancakes.

20
00:00:59,096 --> 00:01:00,763
It's more like they eat you.

21
00:01:00,916 --> 00:01:02,717
Okay. I'll get eggs, then.

22
00:01:02,742 --> 00:01:05,444
So the only way to get to the Judge

23
00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:08,122
is through a portal, which is
smack-dab in the middle

24
00:01:08,156 --> 00:01:10,652
of the main office at
Bad Place Headquarters.

25
00:01:10,746 --> 00:01:13,527
And the only way through the
portal is with one of these.

26
00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:15,296
What is that? Is that jewelry?

27
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:18,666
Not that it matters. It's just
some jewelry I don't have.

28
00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:21,761
- Can I have it?
- These pins are very hard to come by.

29
00:01:21,786 --> 00:01:23,971
Only upper management types have them.

30
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,741
So you guys will lay low
while I get us four more.

31
00:01:26,775 --> 00:01:29,377
Janet doesn't need one, because
for portals,

32
00:01:29,411 --> 00:01:31,045
she counts as a carry-on.

33
00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,680
I'm luggage.

34
00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:35,816
I had Janet make you
each a Bad Place disguise.

35
00:01:35,851 --> 00:01:37,885
And everyone who worked
in the neighborhood

36
00:01:37,919 --> 00:01:40,021
has been sent back to their
previous department.

37
00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:42,923
So the chances of you being
recognized are very small.

38
00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:45,926
I don't know. This plan
seems complicated.

39
00:01:45,961 --> 00:01:49,163
To be fair, you also once
said that about an orange.

40
00:01:49,197 --> 00:01:52,733
They don't make sense.
Apples, you eat their clothes.

41
00:01:52,768 --> 00:01:55,836
But oranges you don't? Forget this plan!

42
00:01:55,871 --> 00:01:57,671
I say we just huck a Molotov cocktail

43
00:01:57,706 --> 00:01:59,507
and... run through the portal.

44
00:01:59,541 --> 00:02:01,842
I think we should go
with Michael's plan.

45
00:02:01,877 --> 00:02:04,178
I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work.

46
00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:06,948
Any time I had a problem,
and I threw a Molotov cocktail,

47
00:02:06,973 --> 00:02:08,017
boom!

48
00:02:08,042 --> 00:02:10,518
Right away, I had a different problem.

49
00:02:10,552 --> 00:02:12,586
He makes a strong case.

50
00:02:12,621 --> 00:02:17,388
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

51
00:02:20,128 --> 00:02:22,797
Okay, now, you're all going
to need aliases.

52
00:02:22,831 --> 00:02:25,800
Cool. I'm gonna be Diana Tremaine.

53
00:02:25,834 --> 00:02:28,035
That was the name on my fake ID
in high school.

54
00:02:28,070 --> 00:02:30,738
Her address was 123 Whatever Street,

55
00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:32,606
Canada City, Canada.

56
00:02:32,641 --> 00:02:34,475
Arizona bouncers are the best.

57
00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:36,577
Character work! Such fun.

58
00:02:36,611 --> 00:02:39,880
I actually dabbled in a bit
of acting after university.

59
00:02:39,915 --> 00:02:42,283
Although mostly I just stood
around while Baz Luhrmann

60
00:02:42,317 --> 00:02:43,918
just threw glitter on me.

61
00:02:43,952 --> 00:02:46,620
Ooh, I shall be Rhonda Mumps.

62
00:02:46,655 --> 00:02:48,456
And I work down at the hot dog factory.

63
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:49,990
You need to be more specific.

64
00:02:50,025 --> 00:02:51,992
There are nine hot dog
torture departments.

65
00:02:52,027 --> 00:02:55,229
Making people into,
stuffing people with...

66
00:02:55,263 --> 00:02:57,098
Ooh, stuffing people sounds fun.

67
00:02:57,132 --> 00:03:00,167
Is that like shoving them into
the throats of vegans?

68
00:03:00,202 --> 00:03:02,570
Yes. Throats.

69
00:03:02,604 --> 00:03:04,405
I know what my secret identity is.

70
00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:06,073
You cannot be Blake Bortles.

71
00:03:06,108 --> 00:03:09,110
- Fine. Then I'll be Jake...
- Don't say Jortles.

72
00:03:09,144 --> 00:03:12,113
Jortles! And I work in the
Molotov cocktail department.

73
00:03:12,147 --> 00:03:13,747
Boy, you know, I thought you guys

74
00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:15,116
would be more worried about this.

75
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:16,617
We've been knee-deep in demons

76
00:03:16,651 --> 00:03:18,085
for, like, 800 reboots now.

77
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:22,289
Lying about who we are is second nature.

78
00:03:22,324 --> 00:03:23,924
Chidi?

79
00:03:23,959 --> 00:03:25,759
I hate this. I hate lying.
It's not permissible.

80
00:03:25,794 --> 00:03:27,628
- I can't do this.
- Oh, boy.

81
00:03:29,030 --> 00:03:31,699
Jeez Louise! Looks like Chidi

82
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,702
has a real case of the
Mondays, am I right?

83
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,805
Hey, pass the NASCAR ketchup.

84
00:03:39,641 --> 00:03:41,809
Hey, buddy.

85
00:03:41,843 --> 00:03:43,811
Look if you don't want
to lie because it conflicts

86
00:03:43,845 --> 00:03:47,014
with your moral principles, I get it.

87
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:48,516
No one's gonna be mad at you.

88
00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:50,818
- Really?
- No, dumbass!

89
00:03:50,852 --> 00:03:52,887
I'm lying to you to
make you feel better.

90
00:03:52,921 --> 00:03:54,688
See? Sometimes lying is awesome.

91
00:03:54,723 --> 00:03:57,725
Plus I said dumbass. Oh, cursing.

92
00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,193
How I've missed you.

93
00:03:59,227 --> 00:04:01,295
Look, Eleanor, our goal
here is to appear

94
00:04:01,329 --> 00:04:04,298
in front of a judge who
is going to judge us.

95
00:04:04,332 --> 00:04:06,667
What if I lie down here
and I lose 12 points,

96
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:09,370
and then we get in front of the
Judge, and I'm 12 points short?

97
00:04:09,404 --> 00:04:12,373
Or what if the Judge won't
even take our case at all

98
00:04:12,407 --> 00:04:13,674
because we lied to get there?

99
00:04:13,708 --> 00:04:15,709
Kant says that lying is always wrong,

100
00:04:15,744 --> 00:04:17,144
and I follow that maxim.

101
00:04:17,179 --> 00:04:19,046
So you can't even lie to demons?

102
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,348
They're trying to torture us,
man. We're behind enemy lines!

103
00:04:21,383 --> 00:04:23,317
Well, principles aren't principles

104
00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:26,053
when you pick and choose when
you're going to follow them.

105
00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:29,657
I won't lie about who I am.

106
00:04:29,691 --> 00:04:35,429
Okay. I understand,
and I'm cool with it.

107
00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:36,997
You're lying right now, aren't you?

108
00:04:37,032 --> 00:04:38,465
Yes. I want to strangle you.

109
00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,338
What even is this thing?

110
00:04:44,372 --> 00:04:46,006
I hate suits.

111
00:04:46,041 --> 00:04:48,943
They remind me of court
and going to court

112
00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:50,344
and being my own lawyer

113
00:04:50,378 --> 00:04:52,846
against the advice of the judge in court

114
00:04:52,881 --> 00:04:55,015
and getting immediately
convicted in court.

115
00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:56,717
I think you look nice.

116
00:04:56,751 --> 00:04:58,886
I think you look sexy.

117
00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:02,356
Here, I got you this
to help your disguise.

118
00:05:02,390 --> 00:05:04,925
Whoa, a briefcase?

119
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,227
Take my credit card to the hedge fund.

120
00:05:06,261 --> 00:05:08,229
I'll meet you at the martini store.

121
00:05:08,263 --> 00:05:09,797
Oh, you're gonna get caught.
Give me the briefcase back.

122
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,365
- Thanks.
- Aww.

123
00:05:11,399 --> 00:05:14,034
Janet, you need to get in character too.

124
00:05:14,069 --> 00:05:15,970
Now I know you look like a Bad Janet,

125
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,404
but can you act like one?

126
00:05:17,439 --> 00:05:19,306
I have gained a lot of
new skills recently.

127
00:05:19,341 --> 00:05:21,308
For example, I learned how
to be passive-aggressive.

128
00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:23,544
Totally fine that you
guys haven't noticed.

129
00:05:23,578 --> 00:05:26,280
- Oh!
- Let's practice.

130
00:05:26,314 --> 00:05:28,449
I'm going to make a simple
request, and you're going to

131
00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:30,818
give me that patented
Bad Janet attitude.

132
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,286
Can I have a glass of water?

133
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,621
Here you go!

134
00:05:33,655 --> 00:05:36,724
Nope. Let's try again. Be mean.

135
00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:39,426
Bad Janet, can I have a glass of water?

136
00:05:39,461 --> 00:05:45,933
No. I would never give
you that, you dumb person.

137
00:05:45,967 --> 00:05:47,134
Janet, what's that behind your back?

138
00:05:47,168 --> 00:05:48,569
- Nothing.
- Give it to me.

139
00:05:48,603 --> 00:05:50,771
It's a glass of water.

140
00:05:50,805 --> 00:05:53,641
And a back-up glass. Oh, boy.

141
00:05:53,675 --> 00:05:57,411
It's okay. We'll keep working.

142
00:05:57,445 --> 00:05:59,113
We're here.

143
00:06:00,715 --> 00:06:04,084
All trains today are delayed
by three hours,

144
00:06:04,119 --> 00:06:06,420
just like they are every day.

145
00:06:06,454 --> 00:06:08,756
All passengers,

146
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:10,991
you all suck, and you're ugly.

147
00:06:11,026 --> 00:06:15,529
Keep walking. Keep your heads down.

148
00:06:15,563 --> 00:06:19,300
- And you are ugly.
- Just act unnatural.

149
00:06:21,136 --> 00:06:23,170
Hey, guys. Sorry, you wait here,

150
00:06:23,204 --> 00:06:25,005
while I go get us
some more of these pins.

151
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,674
But what is this place?

152
00:06:26,708 --> 00:06:29,610
It's just a place.
You know. An area or location.

153
00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:32,313
- It's pretty straightforward.
- The Museum of Human Misery?

154
00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:35,282
Oh, yeah. Okay. It's a torture museum.

155
00:06:35,317 --> 00:06:37,351
Famous examples of bad behavior,

156
00:06:37,385 --> 00:06:39,687
and explanations of
the torture they earned.

157
00:06:39,721 --> 00:06:41,388
Is there a gift shop?

158
00:06:41,423 --> 00:06:43,891
Jason, this is Hell.
Of course there's a gift shop.

159
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,193
It's the least horrifying room.

160
00:06:46,227 --> 00:06:50,397
It's the Hall of Low-Grade Crappiness.

161
00:06:50,432 --> 00:06:54,902
First person to floss
in an open plan office?

162
00:06:57,439 --> 00:07:00,207
Well, she deserves to be
tortured. She's a monster.

163
00:07:00,241 --> 00:07:02,142
This was the safest place
I could think of.

164
00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:03,977
No one ever comes in here.

165
00:07:04,012 --> 00:07:07,014
Guys, if you do leave this
room, you're gonna see things

166
00:07:07,048 --> 00:07:09,983
that will haunt you for eternity.

167
00:07:10,018 --> 00:07:11,719
Okay. Back soon. Bye!

168
00:07:11,753 --> 00:07:15,823
Hey! Hey! Be careful, okay?

169
00:07:15,857 --> 00:07:17,825
Be careful?

170
00:07:17,859 --> 00:07:19,159
Yeah.

171
00:07:19,194 --> 00:07:23,330
Oh. Eleanor, are you worried about me?

172
00:07:23,365 --> 00:07:24,765
Yeah. I'm worried.

173
00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:27,167
I mean 'cause you're our
ticket out of here, genius.

174
00:07:27,202 --> 00:07:29,169
Don't go getting all goopy on me.

175
00:07:29,204 --> 00:07:30,738
Worry about them. I'll be fine.

176
00:07:30,772 --> 00:07:32,906
Okay.

177
00:07:36,478 --> 00:07:39,046
"First man to send an
unsolicited picture

178
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,682
of his genitals."

179
00:07:47,389 --> 00:07:50,457
"First waiter to approach a
diner with an empty plate

180
00:07:50,492 --> 00:07:55,195
and sarcastically say,
'I guess you hated it.'"

181
00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:57,564
"First white person to grow dreadlocks."

182
00:07:57,599 --> 00:08:01,368
And "First person to call
Ultimate Frisbee 'Ultimate.'"

183
00:08:01,403 --> 00:08:02,436
This dude rules!

184
00:08:02,470 --> 00:08:05,305
All right, everyone.
We've got a lot of work to do.

185
00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:08,308
Why don't you set up the
bar over by that wall?

186
00:08:08,343 --> 00:08:10,377
Why don't you roll off your mom

187
00:08:10,412 --> 00:08:13,147
and do it yourself, you fat dink?

188
00:08:16,251 --> 00:08:19,052
Set up more of those tables.
We're expecting a big crowd.

189
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:23,090
You got it, you piece of butt.

190
00:08:23,124 --> 00:08:24,725
Son of a bitch!

191
00:08:24,759 --> 00:08:26,393
Still happy I can swear now,

192
00:08:26,428 --> 00:08:29,296
but everything else about
this is very bad!

193
00:08:32,819 --> 00:08:34,753
Hey, boss. I'm back.

194
00:08:34,787 --> 00:08:36,621
Welcome home. Axe up.

195
00:08:37,192 --> 00:08:40,766
Oh! New scent! "Transformers!"

196
00:08:40,827 --> 00:08:42,298
Yes. It makes you smell the way

197
00:08:42,323 --> 00:08:44,186
"Transformers" movies make you feel.

198
00:08:44,231 --> 00:08:46,681
Still can't believe those
jagoffs got away from us.

199
00:08:46,757 --> 00:08:48,911
- Really zips my tip.
- Yeah.

200
00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:51,879
Anyway I drew up some extradition papers

201
00:08:51,914 --> 00:08:53,099
to get them back from Mindy's.

202
00:08:53,124 --> 00:08:55,583
I think I'll take a few of my
most trusted staff,

203
00:08:55,617 --> 00:08:58,786
hop in the portal,
file those with the Judge,

204
00:08:58,821 --> 00:09:02,123
quick stop for pancakes,
and then I'll head on back.

205
00:09:02,157 --> 00:09:05,893
By the way, I'm gonna need
four pins for my crew.

206
00:09:05,948 --> 00:09:09,745
This is very thorough. However...

207
00:09:09,998 --> 00:09:13,456
Is that where we're putting
top priority files nowadays?

208
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,169
We won't need extradition papers.

209
00:09:15,204 --> 00:09:17,438
Plans are already in motion
to get the humans

210
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,841
back in a different way.

211
00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:21,142
Ah.

212
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:27,448
Oh, man. This is not good.

213
00:09:27,490 --> 00:09:30,575
This is not good!

214
00:09:30,622 --> 00:09:33,356
All right. Well, we can't
just stand here in a group.

215
00:09:33,381 --> 00:09:34,489
It looks too conspicuous.

216
00:09:34,514 --> 00:09:36,708
I'll go with Tahani.
Chidi, go with Jason.

217
00:09:36,849 --> 00:09:38,659
That way, Jason's unearned confidence

218
00:09:38,694 --> 00:09:40,962
lets him do all the talking,
and you don't have to lie.

219
00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,130
Okay?

220
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:44,031
Come on, Diana, let's hit the bar.

221
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:46,601
I'm gonna get me a tall glass
of piping hot corn syrup

222
00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:49,437
and a scooter, so I can roll
around the mall.

223
00:09:49,471 --> 00:09:51,105
- That's really good.
- Thank you.

224
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,673
Hors d'oeuvre?

225
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,142
Oh, what do you got?

226
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,644
Soul food from Maine,
bagels from Arkansas,

227
00:09:56,678 --> 00:09:58,312
Hawaiian pizza of course,

228
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:02,784
and egg salad from a hospital
vending machine in Azerbaijan.

229
00:10:02,818 --> 00:10:04,652
Have a terrible evening.

230
00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:07,488
No way! Trent, is that you?

231
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,690
Who else could it be?

232
00:10:09,725 --> 00:10:14,662
Come on, dab it out.
Boom boom! 'Sup? I'm Chet.

233
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:17,565
Jake is my name,
Molotov cocktail is my game.

234
00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:20,501
I think school is lame,
I got a tattoo of David Blaine.

235
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:23,738
- What?
- Ooh! Tight! Ball tap!

236
00:10:23,772 --> 00:10:26,040
Oh, dude. Ball tap!

237
00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:28,810
Oh! That was a firm ball tap, bro.

238
00:10:28,844 --> 00:10:30,878
Anyway, your boy Trent and I

239
00:10:30,913 --> 00:10:32,880
worked together in
partial decapitations.

240
00:10:32,915 --> 00:10:35,316
When'd you leave decap? 800 years ago?

241
00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,651
Something like that.

242
00:10:36,685 --> 00:10:38,319
I just joined a new department.

243
00:10:38,353 --> 00:10:41,355
Toxic Masculinity. We torture
internet trolls, frat dudes.

244
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,925
Actually started as a training
program to prep for when

245
00:10:43,959 --> 00:10:45,493
the "Girls Gone Wild" dude gets here.

246
00:10:45,527 --> 00:10:46,928
- Joe Francis.
- The one.

247
00:10:46,962 --> 00:10:47,995
Legend!

248
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:51,165
Bro-hams! Get over here
and meet my top dog Trent.

249
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,901
Dude's a straight beast
when it comes to torture.

250
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,903
- 'Sup, bro?
- It's actually pretty choice

251
00:10:55,938 --> 00:10:57,872
that we're running into you right now.

252
00:10:57,906 --> 00:11:00,208
My top dog Dirk here,
he got stuck with a new case.

253
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:03,244
He can't crack it.
Hit them with it, D-Money.

254
00:11:03,278 --> 00:11:05,112
So I'm trying to torture
this guy, right? Brant?

255
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:07,715
Brant was a total lord.
He got kicked off

256
00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:09,116
of Rob Gronkowski's party cruise

257
00:11:09,151 --> 00:11:10,785
for throwing a lobster at a stripper.

258
00:11:10,819 --> 00:11:12,854
And then he died doing a keg stand

259
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:14,388
in the back of a moving Jeep Wrangler.

260
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,124
Anyways, we run a couple
hundred torture scenarios.

261
00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:18,960
None of them seem quite right, you know?

262
00:11:18,994 --> 00:11:20,628
Think we can get you to crack this nut?

263
00:11:20,662 --> 00:11:22,563
Well, I mean, how could I say no?

264
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,899
We all know how I would say no.

265
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:26,767
You know I'd be all like, "No!"

266
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:29,203
- But you know I can't.
- So weird, Trent, man.

267
00:11:29,238 --> 00:11:32,240
You're always so weird.
Love that about you.

268
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:35,743
Don't get me wrong, I love
shoving hot dogs into people,

269
00:11:35,777 --> 00:11:37,445
but once you've dogged every hole,

270
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:39,247
you just start to feel like
you're repeating yourself.

271
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:41,215
I hear that, sister.
I'm gonna go take a dump.

272
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,150
- You want me to grab you one?
- No, I'm good. Thanks.

273
00:11:43,185 --> 00:11:45,086
- Not even a little nug?
- Nah, I'm a'ight.

274
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:45,987
A'ight.

275
00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:47,421
Damn, you're good at this.

276
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,090
Well, hang out with
Johnny Depp long enough,

277
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:51,058
and you become pretty good at lying.

278
00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:54,228
Like, "No, you're whole thing
isn't exhausting at all."

279
00:11:54,263 --> 00:11:58,566
Hi there, you big stinky poop face guys.

280
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,167
Ugh. It's me, Good Janet.

281
00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:01,969
I'm sorry I called you big
stinky poop face guys.

282
00:12:02,004 --> 00:12:04,272
That's okay. Janet, can
you dig around a little bit

283
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:08,075
and find out what this event is
and how long it's gonna last?

284
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:12,513
I'd love to... punch your teeth.

285
00:12:12,547 --> 00:12:14,782
Hey. Hi. Teeth.

286
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,185
What's all this?

287
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:19,954
Well, I was going to try
to get the humans back

288
00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:21,856
by going through the proper channels,

289
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:25,293
but then I remembered,
I'm a naughty bitch.

290
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:29,630
So I sent a black ops team
to Mindy's to extract them.

291
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,866
Nobody from the Bad Place is allowed

292
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,768
in Mindy's neighborhood.
You can't do that, Shawn.

293
00:12:33,802 --> 00:12:35,303
It's illegal!

294
00:12:35,337 --> 00:12:37,638
Oh, no. Guys, Michael
says this is illegal.

295
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:40,041
I hadn't thought of that.

296
00:12:41,376 --> 00:12:43,444
That was sarcasm. I had thought of that.

297
00:12:43,478 --> 00:12:45,479
Listen. Your experiment
blew up in our faces.

298
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:47,348
The example I made out of
Vicky ensured that everybody

299
00:12:47,382 --> 00:12:48,883
from the neighborhood
has kept their mouths shut.

300
00:12:48,917 --> 00:12:50,184
But we're not out of the woods

301
00:12:50,218 --> 00:12:51,819
until those four are back in custody.

302
00:12:51,853 --> 00:12:53,788
So I rounded up some loyal friends

303
00:12:53,822 --> 00:12:55,323
and took matters into my own hands.

304
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,992
Relax, Mike. This will all be over soon,

305
00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:01,128
and we can all head down to the Museum.

306
00:13:01,163 --> 00:13:03,364
- The Museum?
- Yes. Your neighborhood...

307
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:07,635
Our neighborhood is being
immortalized for its success.

308
00:13:07,669 --> 00:13:09,028
It's all going to work out.

309
00:13:09,053 --> 00:13:10,981
I took the form of a
45-year-old white man

310
00:13:11,006 --> 00:13:13,483
for a reason. I can only fail up.

311
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,044
The team is in place. Let's do this.

312
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:20,452
Hey. Hi. So, um, those
bro demons over there

313
00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:21,929
think I'm some kind of great torturer.

314
00:13:21,954 --> 00:13:24,019
And they want my advice on
how to torture someone.

315
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:27,315
Jason is stalling by ranking
MMA ring girls with them,

316
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:28,630
but I have to do something.

317
00:13:28,658 --> 00:13:31,040
Eleanor, you're wearing
glasses now. Help me!

318
00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:33,677
You know the answer, dude.
Lie your ass off.

319
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,421
If Rhonda can do it, you can.

320
00:13:35,455 --> 00:13:38,124
You know once I shoved a hot
dog right down the throat

321
00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:40,726
of the legendary John Wayne.

322
00:13:40,761 --> 00:13:42,228
She even name drops in Hell.

323
00:13:42,262 --> 00:13:43,929
No! I told you lies have consequences!

324
00:13:43,964 --> 00:13:46,232
I will have contributed to
someone's eternal torture

325
00:13:46,257 --> 00:13:49,444
because I disobeyed a basic
Kantian moral principle!

326
00:13:49,503 --> 00:13:51,937
I'm gonna be sick, and I don't
want to go back to the bathroom

327
00:13:51,972 --> 00:13:53,319
because they put mirrors in the toilet,

328
00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,710
and that makes you really
confront what you're doing!

329
00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:56,976
Okay. Okay. Sit down.

330
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,444
Take a breath.

331
00:13:58,478 --> 00:14:01,113
Rub your lucky bookmark. Hear me out.

332
00:14:01,148 --> 00:14:05,117
What if lying is ethical
in this situation?

333
00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:08,861
What if certain actions aren't
universally good or bad?

334
00:14:08,885 --> 00:14:12,855
- Like Jonathan Dancy says.
- Jonathan Dancy?

335
00:14:12,889 --> 00:14:14,857
Are you talking about
moral particularism?

336
00:14:14,891 --> 00:14:19,040
We never even covered that.
You read on your own?

337
00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:20,860
You think just because
I'm a straight hottie

338
00:14:20,885 --> 00:14:22,865
I can't read philosophy for fun?

339
00:14:22,899 --> 00:14:27,569
Look. Moral particularism
says there are no fixed rules

340
00:14:27,604 --> 00:14:29,296
that work in every situation.

341
00:14:29,321 --> 00:14:31,306
Like, let's say you promised your friend

342
00:14:31,341 --> 00:14:32,483
you'd go to the movies.

343
00:14:32,508 --> 00:14:34,877
But then your mom suddenly
gets rushed to the ER.

344
00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:38,313
Your boy Kant would say
never break a promise.

345
00:14:38,348 --> 00:14:39,748
Go see "Chronicles of Riddick."

346
00:14:39,773 --> 00:14:41,353
Doesn't matter if your mom gets lonely

347
00:14:41,378 --> 00:14:43,446
and steals a bucket of Vicodin
from the nurse's closet.

348
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:44,916
- Real example?
- Yep!

349
00:14:44,941 --> 00:14:48,345
But a moral particularist
like me... I'm one now;

350
00:14:48,379 --> 00:14:52,215
I just decided... would say
there's no absolute rule.

351
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,917
You have to choose your actions

352
00:14:53,951 --> 00:14:55,886
based on the particular situation

353
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,889
and right now, we are in a
pretty bonkers situation.

354
00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:02,559
I don't think I can change
what I believe just like that!

355
00:15:02,593 --> 00:15:04,861
And I didn't think I would
ever be at a cocktail party

356
00:15:04,896 --> 00:15:08,331
in literal Hell,
lecturing my teacher/ex-lover

357
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,599
about moral particularism,

358
00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:11,368
but life throws you curveballs, bro!

359
00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:14,004
And need I remind you
it was doing things your way

360
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,939
that made you end up here.

361
00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:19,042
Man, get back over there, dog.

362
00:15:19,076 --> 00:15:21,578
Damn, you got that good stank.

363
00:15:21,612 --> 00:15:23,246
Thanks. Right back at you, bud.

364
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:26,349
Smash you later. Let's roll.

365
00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:37,060
Hey, butt ass. Butt ass.

366
00:15:37,094 --> 00:15:39,596
How long is this stupid event
supposed to last, anyway?

367
00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:41,431
They're unveiling
the exhibit in ten minutes,

368
00:15:41,465 --> 00:15:42,732
then everyone will get drunk

369
00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:44,100
and poke each other with hot sticks,

370
00:15:44,135 --> 00:15:45,735
and then it'll be over.

371
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:47,404
Farts.

372
00:15:51,008 --> 00:15:52,442
Uh-oh.

373
00:15:52,476 --> 00:15:56,613
Bad Janet, walkie-talkie mode.

374
00:15:56,647 --> 00:15:58,481
Now entering Mindy St. Claire's house.

375
00:15:58,516 --> 00:15:59,950
This is so exciting!

376
00:15:59,984 --> 00:16:01,651
I hope everyone gets hurt!

377
00:16:01,686 --> 00:16:03,420
Living room's clear.
Entering the bedroom.

378
00:16:03,454 --> 00:16:05,622
- Oh, yeah!
- Ow.

379
00:16:05,656 --> 00:16:08,959
Oh, God! This feels so weird!

380
00:16:08,993 --> 00:16:10,393
Here we go!

381
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:12,062
Oh, do some coke off my butt.

382
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,430
Wait! What... whoa, whoa, whoa!
Who are you guys?

383
00:16:13,464 --> 00:16:15,165
Oh, friends! Hi, I'm Derek!

384
00:16:15,199 --> 00:16:18,602
Where are the humans? And who is Derek?

385
00:16:18,636 --> 00:16:20,637
Me is Derek. These are my wind chimes.

386
00:16:20,671 --> 00:16:22,072
Uh-oh!

387
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,740
My wind chimes like you.

388
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,575
The only people here
are Mindy St. Claire

389
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,143
and an unknown male with
a genital deformity.

390
00:16:27,178 --> 00:16:29,279
The four humans are not here.

391
00:16:31,349 --> 00:16:32,816
Where is Michael?

392
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,484
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

393
00:16:34,518 --> 00:16:36,653
- Hey there, Mike!
- Hey, Lance.

394
00:16:36,687 --> 00:16:38,421
Looking good, buddy.
You lose some weight?

395
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,823
I wish.

396
00:16:39,857 --> 00:16:41,324
Listen up, people.
We need to find Michael,

397
00:16:41,359 --> 00:16:42,993
and we need to be discreet.

398
00:16:43,027 --> 00:16:44,829
You, search from the spastic
dentistry department

399
00:16:44,854 --> 00:16:46,154
down through disembowelment.

400
00:16:46,179 --> 00:16:47,764
You, cover children's dance recitals

401
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,667
through holiday weekend IKEA. Go.

402
00:16:50,701 --> 00:16:54,671
Hey, hey! Found him!
Just bird-dogging some tail.

403
00:16:54,705 --> 00:16:57,507
What you got for me, Trent?

404
00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:59,776
Well, peep this, dog.

405
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,646
You really want to torture this dirtbag?

406
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,615
You give him books. I'm serious.

407
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:09,486
This one time I was
assigned this... a chick

408
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:13,156
that I had to torture, and I
just couldn't figure it out.

409
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,725
And then I realized she hated books,

410
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,295
so I just gave her mad
books to read, round the clock.

411
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:21,498
Books like exploded?

412
00:17:21,532 --> 00:17:23,533
No, no, no. They were just you know

413
00:17:23,567 --> 00:17:25,201
regular moral philosophy books.

414
00:17:25,236 --> 00:17:27,303
You know everyone hates
moral philosophers.

415
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,571
That is true.

416
00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,473
And I know it's wild, but you know

417
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,342
sometimes you gotta think
outside the bun.

418
00:17:32,376 --> 00:17:34,878
- Ah! Sick Taco Bell ref.
- Very nice.

419
00:17:34,912 --> 00:17:36,379
But I don't know, man.

420
00:17:36,414 --> 00:17:39,849
Sounds kind of lame.
This guy's the best, really?

421
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:43,086
Yeah, maybe I don't know what
I'm talking... ball tap!

422
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,421
- Oh!
- Oh!

423
00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:46,723
Ohh! That's what you get

424
00:17:46,757 --> 00:17:49,893
for questioning Trent,
the torture master!

425
00:17:49,927 --> 00:17:51,361
He got you so bad!

426
00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:53,763
Yeah, he did. He did. Nice job, bro.

427
00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:57,867
All right, you've convinced me.
I'll give him books.

428
00:17:57,902 --> 00:18:01,771
Hey, you two. Get your ugly
necks over here.

429
00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:03,907
Guys, I found something very bad.

430
00:18:03,941 --> 00:18:05,842
We have to get out of here right now.

431
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,577
All right, everybody.
Gather 'round. Gather 'round.

432
00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:09,079
This is the moment we've
all been waiting for.

433
00:18:09,113 --> 00:18:10,747
- What do we do?
- Just don't draw attention.

434
00:18:10,781 --> 00:18:12,248
Whatever this is,
it'll be over in a second,

435
00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:13,683
and we can sneak out the door.

436
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,218
Feast your eyes on the newest exhibit

437
00:18:15,252 --> 00:18:16,853
here at the Museum of Human Misery!

438
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:21,391
The residents of neighborhood 12358W!

439
00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,029
Oh no!

440
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,864
Is that what they think
my hair looks like?

441
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:31,201
This game-changing
experiment chose four humans

442
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,436
and had them torture each other.

443
00:18:33,471 --> 00:18:36,206
It's already led to major breakthroughs

444
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,807
in the future of our industry.

445
00:18:37,842 --> 00:18:40,610
Now, obviously, we couldn't
get the actual four idiots

446
00:18:40,644 --> 00:18:42,045
as they're off being tortured,

447
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:44,447
so we cooked up the next best thing.

448
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:46,116
- Want to meet them?
- Yes!

449
00:18:46,150 --> 00:18:49,786
I'm Tahani Al-Jamil, a
vainglorious attention seeker

450
00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:53,623
with enough jealousy to power
Elon Musk's underwater mansion,

451
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:55,391
which I've been to, by the way.

452
00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:58,962
I have, actually. It's remarkable.

453
00:18:58,996 --> 00:19:00,463
It's remarkable!

454
00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:05,135
I'm Chidi Anagonye, or maybe I'm not.

455
00:19:05,169 --> 00:19:06,603
I can't decide anything.

456
00:19:06,637 --> 00:19:11,174
Or maybe I can. Aww. I can't decide.

457
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,243
My stomach hurts.

458
00:19:15,679 --> 00:19:17,313
What? They kind of nailed it.

459
00:19:17,348 --> 00:19:18,782
I've heard you say all that stuff.

460
00:19:18,816 --> 00:19:21,584
I'm Eleanor Shellstrop. I mock others

461
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:24,754
to distract myself from the
emptiness inside me.

462
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,189
That's fair. That's a fair hit.

463
00:19:26,223 --> 00:19:31,127
I'm Jason Mendoza. Duh...

464
00:19:31,162 --> 00:19:33,296
That's me.

465
00:19:33,330 --> 00:19:34,798
Hey. Where have you been?

466
00:19:34,832 --> 00:19:37,634
Oh, how do you smell loud and confusing?

467
00:19:37,668 --> 00:19:39,335
No time to explain. We gotta go.

468
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:40,804
I got the travel pins!

469
00:19:40,838 --> 00:19:42,839
Yo! That looks like my boy Trent!

470
00:19:42,873 --> 00:19:44,674
And isn't that Rhonda Mumps?

471
00:19:44,708 --> 00:19:46,476
- Come on!
- There he is.

472
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:48,845
And he's got the humans with him.

473
00:19:48,879 --> 00:19:50,380
All right, let's just back up here.

474
00:19:50,414 --> 00:19:52,982
- What do we do?
- This!

475
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,092
Jortles!

476
00:19:59,223 --> 00:20:01,482
Go!

477
00:20:02,178 --> 00:20:03,529
Hey, Eleanor. Thanks for the advice.

478
00:20:03,548 --> 00:20:04,727
It was really helpful,
even though I had to say

479
00:20:04,752 --> 00:20:05,772
a lot of words I don't like,

480
00:20:05,797 --> 00:20:06,789
like douche, and chick, and peep this...

481
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:08,523
Okay, great! No problem,
I'm just kind of focused

482
00:20:08,548 --> 00:20:09,656
- on running right now.
- Right, sorry!

483
00:20:14,498 --> 00:20:16,412
Here. Put the pins on your lapels.

484
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,143
Okay, okay.

485
00:20:18,178 --> 00:20:19,918
You didn't give me a pin,
man. I don't have one!

486
00:20:20,004 --> 00:20:22,372
- Okay. Okay. Hang on. Hang on!
- Wait. Where's Janet?

487
00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:25,675
No time to wait for her.
You three go now. Now!

488
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:34,851
Portals!

489
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:37,500
- Any day now, man.
- Hey!

490
00:20:39,056 --> 00:20:41,460
Hey, guess what?

491
00:20:41,759 --> 00:20:44,260
I just solved the trolley problem.

492
00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:47,136
Remember? The thought experiment where

493
00:20:47,161 --> 00:20:48,691
you're driving the trolley,

494
00:20:48,716 --> 00:20:50,833
and you can either plow
into a group of people

495
00:20:50,868 --> 00:20:54,604
or turn and hit one person? I solved it.

496
00:20:54,638 --> 00:20:56,205
That's really great. But I
don't think now's the time.

497
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,775
See, the trolley problem
forces you to choose between

498
00:20:58,809 --> 00:21:01,523
two versions of letting
other people die.

499
00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:04,719
And the actual solution is very simple.

500
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:08,636
- Sacrifice yourself.
- What does that mean?

501
00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:12,255
You look after the others.

502
00:21:12,289 --> 00:21:14,026
- They need you.
- No.

503
00:21:14,051 --> 00:21:15,605
Step away from the portal!

504
00:21:15,630 --> 00:21:17,956
- Good-bye, Eleanor.
- No, no. Wait, wait!

505
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,889
Hey, boss. What's up?

506
00:21:25,914 --> 00:21:27,528
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com