1 00:00:01,141 --> 00:00:04,319 ? Crazy is when I go off the rails ? 2 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:07,578 ? This is what you've done to me ? 3 00:00:07,580 --> 00:00:09,714 ? Crazy is how your loving makes me feel ? 4 00:00:09,716 --> 00:00:13,328 ? This is what I always want to be ? 5 00:00:13,353 --> 00:00:16,320 ? I like it when a girl gets crazy in bed ? 6 00:00:16,322 --> 00:00:19,423 ? Don't mess with the bitch who's crazy in the head ? 7 00:00:19,425 --> 00:00:21,926 - ? You do ? - ? You don't ? 8 00:00:21,928 --> 00:00:23,427 ? Want to be crazy ? 9 00:00:23,429 --> 00:00:25,129 - ? And you don't ? - ? You do ? 10 00:00:25,131 --> 00:00:26,430 ? Want to be crazy ? 11 00:00:26,432 --> 00:00:30,234 ? To clarify, yes, no on the crazy ? 12 00:00:30,236 --> 00:00:33,571 ? We hope this helps. ? 13 00:00:34,595 --> 00:00:35,905 What? 14 00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:37,540 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 15 00:00:37,565 --> 00:00:39,446 Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend... 16 00:00:39,471 --> 00:00:40,837 Maybe having a baby 17 00:00:40,862 --> 00:00:41,829 started out as a whim, 18 00:00:41,854 --> 00:00:43,961 but it's what I want for my life now. 19 00:00:43,986 --> 00:00:45,218 And you don't want a baby. 20 00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:47,087 Oh, wait, so this is... ? 21 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,421 Yeah, I guess it is. 22 00:00:48,446 --> 00:00:50,890 Why are you making me move? 23 00:00:50,892 --> 00:00:52,092 I don't want to move. 24 00:00:52,094 --> 00:00:53,760 I'm just going through a tough time. 25 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,173 - Too much change. - Josh is the worst. 26 00:00:56,205 --> 00:00:58,304 You know, I can't even book another wedding because of him. 27 00:00:58,329 --> 00:01:00,841 His jilting you has completely ruined my business. 28 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,999 Can I help you, ma'am? 29 00:01:03,024 --> 00:01:04,898 Me and Ally? I wish. 30 00:01:04,923 --> 00:01:07,257 I don't have a shot. I mean, look at her. 31 00:01:07,259 --> 00:01:08,658 There's no baby. 32 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:11,194 It is really expensive to buy those huevos. 33 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,896 I can only do it, like, once a year. 34 00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:14,164 The way I am with Nathaniel 35 00:01:14,166 --> 00:01:16,595 is nothing like the way I was with Josh. 36 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:19,202 But doesn't it feel like you're repeating some old patterns? 37 00:01:19,774 --> 00:01:20,904 Rebecca, what's wrong? 38 00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,872 I have to do something I've never done before. 39 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:26,157 What? 40 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:28,729 Come on in. 41 00:01:29,142 --> 00:01:30,513 You look upset. 42 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,117 So, you said you wanted to do something 43 00:01:34,119 --> 00:01:35,345 you'd never done before. 44 00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:37,336 What is it, like a sex thing? 45 00:01:37,735 --> 00:01:39,856 I mean, I don't know what else is still on the table for us. 46 00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:42,325 Oh, God, please don't make me laugh. 47 00:01:43,345 --> 00:01:45,400 Oh, it's only gonna make it more difficult. 48 00:01:45,876 --> 00:01:47,263 What do you mean? 49 00:01:47,265 --> 00:01:50,204 Okay. Okay, so here's the thing. 50 00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:53,136 I don't know how to like someone 51 00:01:53,138 --> 00:01:54,204 without being obsessed with them. 52 00:01:54,206 --> 00:01:55,472 Okay? So... 53 00:01:55,474 --> 00:01:57,256 it happened with Josh 54 00:01:57,281 --> 00:01:58,475 and now it's starting to happen with you, 55 00:01:58,477 --> 00:01:59,843 and I can't go down that road again. 56 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:00,810 It's a nightmare. 57 00:02:00,812 --> 00:02:02,779 Okay, well, I'm not Josh. 58 00:02:02,781 --> 00:02:04,681 Okay? 59 00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:05,982 This isn't bad obsessed. 60 00:02:05,984 --> 00:02:07,150 This is good obsessed. 61 00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:08,318 I-I-I like it. 62 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,519 I-I find it flattering. 63 00:02:09,521 --> 00:02:10,787 No, no, but, Nathaniel, 64 00:02:10,789 --> 00:02:12,689 think about all the stuff I did just in the last few days. 65 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:13,690 I mean, really, 66 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,183 I-I hounded your father. 67 00:02:15,208 --> 00:02:17,427 I insisted you had a secret sibling. 68 00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:20,196 I stole your shirt so I could wear it all day and smell it. 69 00:02:20,198 --> 00:02:22,332 Look, we talked about all that. 70 00:02:22,334 --> 00:02:23,497 It's in the past. 71 00:02:23,668 --> 00:02:25,368 And I didn't know about the shirt thing, 72 00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:27,103 but, again, kind of cute. 73 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,805 Okay, cute, yes, it starts out as cute, 74 00:02:28,807 --> 00:02:30,106 but then it escalates. 75 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,508 It escalates to-to bad things, 76 00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:33,543 like-like burning down houses 77 00:02:33,545 --> 00:02:35,725 and abducting some people's moms 78 00:02:35,750 --> 00:02:37,614 and sleeping with other people's dads. 79 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,250 - Whoa, what? - Not your dad. 80 00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:41,117 Although, I mean, he does have kind of 81 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,419 like a silver fox thing going on. 82 00:02:42,421 --> 00:02:43,420 He's very neggy, which I like. 83 00:02:43,422 --> 00:02:45,922 Point is, the point is... 84 00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:51,227 I-I just can't be with you right now... or anyone. 85 00:02:51,229 --> 00:02:52,662 Okay, look, I-I don't want to get in the way 86 00:02:52,664 --> 00:02:54,197 of your therapy thing, but isn't the whole point 87 00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:55,965 of all this to be happy? 88 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:57,967 We're happy. That's what matters. 89 00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,095 I'm happy, but it's not real. 90 00:03:00,799 --> 00:03:03,540 It's... it's a high. 91 00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:05,542 - It's infatuation. - Wait. 92 00:03:05,682 --> 00:03:09,913 Are... are you breaking up with me right now? 93 00:03:09,915 --> 00:03:11,681 No. No, no, no, no, no. 94 00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:13,479 I'm just saying that we... 95 00:03:15,158 --> 00:03:18,488 ... I'm just saying that we can't be together or go out 96 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:22,192 or talk on the phone or have sex 97 00:03:22,194 --> 00:03:26,296 or... kiss or snuggle or cuddle. 98 00:03:26,572 --> 00:03:28,398 Um... 99 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:29,532 so, I'm sorry. 100 00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:30,733 I have to, I have to, I have to go. 101 00:03:30,735 --> 00:03:31,734 No, no, no, wait, Rebecca. 102 00:03:31,736 --> 00:03:33,329 You can't just... 103 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,930 The hell just happened? 104 00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:44,013 So, I can't do anything. 105 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,182 I can't be in a romantic relationship 106 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:48,952 because I'm literally incapable of it. 107 00:03:48,954 --> 00:03:51,153 And I'm not ready to go back to work, 108 00:03:51,178 --> 00:03:53,178 so I got nothing to do all day. 109 00:03:54,035 --> 00:03:55,792 You know what I did yesterday? 110 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:57,760 I-I threw out all my old spices and bought new ones. 111 00:03:57,762 --> 00:03:58,895 I don't even cook. 112 00:03:58,897 --> 00:04:00,130 I just smelled them all 113 00:04:00,132 --> 00:04:01,731 and I tried to smoke the marjoram. 114 00:04:01,733 --> 00:04:05,068 Rebecca, you made a hard choice ending your relationship. 115 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,769 Now you have some time on your hands. 116 00:04:07,105 --> 00:04:09,139 It's a good opportunity to maybe 117 00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:11,085 fill in some of these gaps in your life. 118 00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:12,796 Find meaning in new ways. 119 00:04:12,821 --> 00:04:14,328 You know, some of my patients 120 00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:17,719 find meaning by giving back to the community, helping others. 121 00:04:17,744 --> 00:04:20,516 - Hmm. Like volunteer stuff? - Yeah, it can be very therapeutic 122 00:04:20,541 --> 00:04:21,789 and rewarding. 123 00:04:21,814 --> 00:04:24,571 I have this one patient who volunteered at a library, 124 00:04:24,596 --> 00:04:26,524 then started a book exchange program, 125 00:04:26,549 --> 00:04:28,250 then ended up writing a book about that. 126 00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:30,289 Then she donated the proceeds of the book... 127 00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,304 Okay, we get it. She's your favorite patient. 128 00:04:32,329 --> 00:04:34,719 - You want to kiss her. La, la, la. - Yeah, you got me. 129 00:04:34,744 --> 00:04:37,696 She's my favorite patient and I want to kiss her, la, la, la. 130 00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:39,009 Rebecca. 131 00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:42,179 Think of all the time and energy you spend in your life 132 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,480 on romantic relationships. 133 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,457 I have clocked a lot of hours. 134 00:04:45,482 --> 00:04:48,896 Okay. You can take that passion, that intensity, 135 00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:52,356 and focus and redirect it into more productive endeavors. 136 00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,597 Huh. 137 00:04:55,349 --> 00:04:57,249 God, I've never thought of that before. 138 00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,316 Maybe you're right. 139 00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:12,876 ? 10,000 hours in anything ? 140 00:05:12,878 --> 00:05:15,379 ? Makes you an expert ? 141 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:20,117 ? And I've spent way more time than that frettin' over guys ? 142 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:24,187 ? I've got a BFA, an MFA ? 143 00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:26,657 ? And a PhD in obsession ? 144 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,126 ? And now I find myself ? 145 00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:32,496 ? Wondering why ? 146 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:37,267 ? I could have used that time to cure leukemia ? 147 00:05:37,269 --> 00:05:41,638 ? I could have used that time to clean the seas ? 148 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:46,253 ? I could have taught some teens awareness of bulimia ? 149 00:05:46,278 --> 00:05:50,981 ? I could have saved the pandas, whales and bees ? 150 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:54,751 ? Without love, you can save the world ? 151 00:05:56,188 --> 00:06:00,524 ? Put those hours to good use instead ? 152 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:03,760 ? Without love, you can save the world ? 153 00:06:05,043 --> 00:06:07,464 ? Sing out, branch out ? 154 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:09,966 ? Get out of your own head... ? 155 00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:11,601 Hey, guys. 156 00:06:11,603 --> 00:06:13,236 - Peace. - Peace and love. 157 00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:14,705 But not love. 158 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,040 ? Love's a real time suck ? 159 00:06:17,042 --> 00:06:19,242 ? It really gets your mind stuck ? 160 00:06:19,244 --> 00:06:21,912 ? On things that, later on, you'll be like ? 161 00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,531 ? Why? ? 162 00:06:23,882 --> 00:06:26,149 ? Like when's he gonna text? ? 163 00:06:26,151 --> 00:06:28,385 ? Or when will I see him next? ? 164 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:31,455 ? Then suddenly the lakes have all gone dry ? 165 00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,889 ? And it's all your fault ? 166 00:06:32,891 --> 00:06:34,091 ? Without love ? 167 00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:36,259 ? You can save the world ? 168 00:06:36,261 --> 00:06:37,661 ? Save the world ? 169 00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:41,098 ? Clear space in your brain for better things ? 170 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,299 ? Better things ? 171 00:06:42,301 --> 00:06:43,567 ? Without love ? 172 00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,635 ? You can save the world ? 173 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,471 ? Save the world ? 174 00:06:47,473 --> 00:06:49,473 ? Not being tied to a bed ? 175 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,408 ? Can really give you wings ? 176 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:54,044 ? Conserve your mental energy ? 177 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,747 ? To research conserving energy ? 178 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:57,881 ? Don't raise hell ? 179 00:06:57,883 --> 00:06:59,383 ? Raise money for local schools ? 180 00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,451 ? Now that you've got time ? 181 00:07:01,453 --> 00:07:03,520 ? Take the leash off your hog ? 182 00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:05,989 ? And use that leash to walk rescue dogs ? 183 00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:07,324 ? Love is blind ? 184 00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,358 ? But without love ? 185 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,927 ? You can actually help the blind ? 186 00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,829 ? It's an asexual utopia ? 187 00:07:12,831 --> 00:07:14,131 ? Without love ? 188 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,966 ? You can save the world ? 189 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,134 ? Save the world ? 190 00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:18,769 ? Forget who you did ? 191 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,537 ? Think about what you can do ? 192 00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:21,938 ? What you can do ? 193 00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:25,242 ? Without love, you can save the world ? 194 00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,977 ? Save the world ? 195 00:07:26,979 --> 00:07:28,779 ? Change doesn't start with him ? 196 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,248 ? Change starts ? 197 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:35,452 ? With you ? 198 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:40,056 ? It starts with you ? 199 00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,258 ? Not who you screw ? 200 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,728 ? Not who you screw ? 201 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:49,633 ? It starts with you ? 202 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:53,275 ? Without love. ? 203 00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:13,123 So, Darryl and I agreed that we should be friends, 204 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,625 but then I've texted him a couple times 205 00:08:15,627 --> 00:08:17,594 and he hasn't texted me back all day. 206 00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:19,896 I just... I... I feel like friends 207 00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:20,997 should text friends back. 208 00:08:20,999 --> 00:08:23,800 Sure, but you guys are not friends. 209 00:08:23,802 --> 00:08:25,168 He just dumped you, dude. 210 00:08:25,170 --> 00:08:26,403 What are you talking about? 211 00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,694 I didn't get dumped. 212 00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:29,840 It was mutual. 213 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:32,008 Yeah, right. Mutual. 214 00:08:32,010 --> 00:08:33,877 You take back those air quotes. 215 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,011 Okay. 216 00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:36,546 - Joshua. - Dude. 217 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:38,977 Everyone knows there's no such thing as a mutual breakup. 218 00:08:39,002 --> 00:08:40,550 Yes, there is. 219 00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:42,652 Okay, so, maybe he said the words technically 220 00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:45,121 before I said the words, but it's like when 221 00:08:45,123 --> 00:08:46,623 you're on the phone and you're having a conversation, 222 00:08:46,625 --> 00:08:48,381 and you want that conversation to end, 223 00:08:48,406 --> 00:08:49,826 someone has to say the word "good-bye" 224 00:08:49,828 --> 00:08:51,094 before the other person says good-bye, 225 00:08:51,096 --> 00:08:52,128 but you're doing it together. 226 00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:53,196 Who talks on the phone? 227 00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,197 What, are you like a hundred? 228 00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:55,298 Oh, my God. 229 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,933 Thank you. 230 00:08:56,935 --> 00:08:57,901 Oh, I-I got it. 231 00:08:57,903 --> 00:08:59,002 Dude, what's that? 232 00:08:59,004 --> 00:09:02,105 Uh... oh. Since when do you have money? 233 00:09:02,107 --> 00:09:03,373 I got a job. 234 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:04,941 Doing what? 235 00:09:06,454 --> 00:09:09,279 I'm... a... fireman. 236 00:09:09,633 --> 00:09:11,948 A volunteer fireman. 237 00:09:11,950 --> 00:09:15,151 Wait, so you get paid to volunteer? 238 00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:18,955 Yeah, I save lives for money and I got to go, so good... 239 00:09:18,957 --> 00:09:20,290 Good-bye. 240 00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:21,820 See? We just did it. 241 00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,378 Mutual. 242 00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,970 There he is. 243 00:09:33,972 --> 00:09:35,639 Get in here. 244 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,008 Oh, that's what I need. A big old Paula hug 245 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:41,111 because... Because your fertilization didn't take again? 246 00:09:41,451 --> 00:09:43,947 Another wasted egg. I'm sorry. 247 00:09:43,949 --> 00:09:44,981 Now, how did you know that? 248 00:09:44,983 --> 00:09:46,249 I just found out myself. 249 00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:48,084 - Mrs. Hernandez. - What? 250 00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:50,153 She listens in on all the Whitefeather calls 251 00:09:50,155 --> 00:09:51,521 like an old-timey operator. 252 00:09:51,523 --> 00:09:53,456 I call her Mrs. Hearnandez. 253 00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:56,693 But she's right. I mean, my sperm is just way too active. 254 00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,929 I have a medical condition called super sperm. 255 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,031 Who named that condition? A ten-year-old doctor? 256 00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:03,166 My sperm is just too strong. 257 00:10:03,168 --> 00:10:04,401 I mean, it gets in the Petri dish 258 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,503 and it just whizzes around going, Aah! 259 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:07,504 Banging into the glass. 260 00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,205 It's like a bird flying into a window 261 00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:10,373 over and over. 262 00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:12,642 Okay, no, you have weird goop. I get it. 263 00:10:12,644 --> 00:10:14,144 And I can't afford another egg. 264 00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:15,378 They're so expensive. 265 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:18,181 I've already sold my whole Southwestern collection. 266 00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:20,317 I considered moving onto my Southeastern collection, 267 00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,319 but that's really just a Miami Vice T-shirt 268 00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:24,154 and a stuffed moccasin snake. 269 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,488 Well, you have other stuff to sell. 270 00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:26,656 What about your above-ground pool? 271 00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:27,991 Oh, it's riddled with spiders. 272 00:10:27,993 --> 00:10:29,793 - Calf-massager ottoman? - Broke months ago. 273 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,829 - Electric soft-bonnet hair dryer? - I can't get rid of that. 274 00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:34,831 I mean, how do you expect me to have this shine, 275 00:10:34,833 --> 00:10:37,801 this volume, this lustrous texture? 276 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,035 - Darryl? - Hmm? 277 00:10:39,037 --> 00:10:40,136 I know you. 278 00:10:40,318 --> 00:10:44,387 And if you want this, you will find a way. 279 00:10:48,688 --> 00:10:49,913 Hey, guys, guess what. 280 00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:54,150 Maya had a three-way and Tim's mother has diabetes. 281 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:57,253 Are you sick of limp, dull hair? 282 00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:59,723 Because if you are, all you need is the trusty... 283 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,257 soft-bonnet hair dryer. 284 00:11:01,259 --> 00:11:05,395 And it can be yours for just $500. 285 00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:06,463 No, thanks. 286 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,164 Oh, please? I am so desperate for cash. 287 00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:11,227 Sorry. I need to get back to work. 288 00:11:12,871 --> 00:11:13,937 Hey. 289 00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:15,705 - Hey. Psst, hey. - Turn around. 290 00:11:15,707 --> 00:11:17,540 - Psst. Come here. Over here. - Hey. Hey. 291 00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:18,908 - Come talk to us. Psst. - Hey. Hey. Psst. 292 00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:20,710 - Hey. - Psst. Hey. 293 00:11:20,712 --> 00:11:22,579 Heard you're looking for a little cheese? 294 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,447 Oh, I never want just a little cheese. 295 00:11:24,449 --> 00:11:25,749 I mean, I get a muenster open, 296 00:11:25,751 --> 00:11:27,851 and I'll just finish the whole thing. 297 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,052 - What? - What? 298 00:11:29,054 --> 00:11:31,953 The red hat dance is at midnight. 299 00:11:32,624 --> 00:11:33,456 Huh? 300 00:11:33,458 --> 00:11:35,759 Meet us here at 2:00 a.m. 301 00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:36,793 But you said midnight. 302 00:11:36,795 --> 00:11:37,827 That's an expression. 303 00:11:37,829 --> 00:11:38,895 And bring two bills. 304 00:11:38,897 --> 00:11:39,796 What? 305 00:11:39,798 --> 00:11:40,764 20 Hamiltons? 306 00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:41,898 Oh, God. 307 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,733 We're playing poker tomorrow night at 2:00 a.m. 308 00:11:43,735 --> 00:11:45,135 Bring $200. 309 00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:46,236 Yeah. 310 00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:47,704 You can try to win some of the money Tim needs 311 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:48,938 for his big old dying mom. 312 00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,607 We play for keeps. 313 00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,263 For keeps... 314 00:11:55,074 --> 00:11:56,707 I'm in. 315 00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,517 So I was thinking that I could volunteer at a soup kitchen, 316 00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,102 but you know how I feel about soup. 317 00:12:02,127 --> 00:12:03,753 Then, I was thinking adult literacy, 318 00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:05,522 but if they can't read by the time they're adults, 319 00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:06,790 I mean, there's something else going on there, 320 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:07,924 and I cannot take that on. 321 00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:09,059 Then, I thought I could sort clothes 322 00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,460 at a donation center. 323 00:12:10,462 --> 00:12:13,396 Eh... if I see one crusty stain, I'm not eating for weeks. 324 00:12:13,398 --> 00:12:14,831 Wow, your altruism is really incredible. 325 00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:15,932 Thank you. 326 00:12:15,934 --> 00:12:17,033 Hola, chicas. 327 00:12:17,035 --> 00:12:18,737 Thanks for letting me use your Internet. 328 00:12:18,762 --> 00:12:20,904 - Mm-hmm. - Can you believe that coffee shop? 329 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,739 I need to buy something? 330 00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:23,873 (A) I don't have any money. 331 00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:24,974 (B) I don't have any money. 332 00:12:24,976 --> 00:12:27,110 (C) How many times do I need to say it? 333 00:12:27,135 --> 00:12:28,167 No money. 334 00:12:28,192 --> 00:12:30,215 I cannot buy your eight-dollar scones. 335 00:12:30,615 --> 00:12:32,782 Wait, I thought you booked that engagement party. 336 00:12:32,784 --> 00:12:34,788 I did, but it's pretty low-budg, 337 00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,686 and I don't get all my money until it's over. 338 00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:38,822 So, I have to do everything by myself. 339 00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:40,390 I have no help. 340 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:42,892 This party-planning business, it's not exactly thriving. 341 00:12:42,894 --> 00:12:45,328 And you refuse to do anything for free. 342 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,496 Yeah, I suck. 343 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:48,031 Wait, you're looking for help? 344 00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,099 You need free help? 345 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,833 So you're looking for a volunteer. 346 00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:53,303 Um, I'll do it. 347 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,138 Yes. Hooray. 348 00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,005 Get excited. 349 00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:57,640 This is kismet, this is bashert. 350 00:12:57,642 --> 00:13:00,009 That's Jew for kismet. I'm in! 351 00:13:00,011 --> 00:13:01,377 I'll do it! I'll help! 352 00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:02,812 What are we doing again? 353 00:13:12,185 --> 00:13:13,872 Uh... 354 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:15,564 Who ordered these for me? 355 00:13:15,617 --> 00:13:17,583 I did not order them. 356 00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:20,056 I mean... 357 00:13:20,058 --> 00:13:21,457 Well, now... 358 00:13:21,459 --> 00:13:23,493 that I've coughed on 'em, I should probably just... 359 00:13:23,495 --> 00:13:25,091 eat 'em. 360 00:13:30,117 --> 00:13:31,182 I'm not eating fries. 361 00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,317 Oh, God. Me neither. 362 00:13:32,319 --> 00:13:34,319 Yuck. I said celery. 363 00:13:34,321 --> 00:13:36,054 The service here is wack! 364 00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:37,388 How have you been? 365 00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:41,059 Haven't seen you around the office since you, uh, got dumped. 366 00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:43,132 Dumped? Who said that? Was it Mrs. Hernandez? 367 00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:46,326 She's a filthy liar. No. No, it was mutual. 368 00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:48,995 That is a thing. You know? A mutual breakup. 369 00:13:48,997 --> 00:13:50,963 Oh, you don't have to explain that to me. 370 00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:53,066 I'm going through the same thing right now with Rebecca. 371 00:13:53,068 --> 00:13:55,201 A mutual... parting. 372 00:13:55,203 --> 00:13:56,736 See? You know what I'm talking about. 373 00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,338 And also, as if someone like Rebecca 374 00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,039 would be the one to break up with someone like you. 375 00:14:00,041 --> 00:14:02,809 I mean, you're you and she's... her. 376 00:14:02,811 --> 00:14:04,744 The same, if-if not more so about you. 377 00:14:04,746 --> 00:14:05,945 I mean... 378 00:14:05,947 --> 00:14:07,213 As if Darryl... 379 00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,010 Darryl. Yeah. 380 00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:10,483 Darryl? 381 00:14:10,485 --> 00:14:12,385 - Darryl. - Okay, I did date him. 382 00:14:12,387 --> 00:14:15,955 I-I'm just saying that he's in no position to turn you down. 383 00:14:15,957 --> 00:14:18,825 - At all. - Um, excuse me, did one of you guys 384 00:14:18,827 --> 00:14:21,160 call one of my servers wack? 385 00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:22,606 Hmm? 386 00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:24,988 Yes... 387 00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:26,599 So, A) What decade are we in? 388 00:14:26,601 --> 00:14:28,601 And B) You did not order celery, 389 00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:30,837 you literally ordered fries. 390 00:14:30,839 --> 00:14:32,472 And so did you. 391 00:14:32,474 --> 00:14:35,475 I... Do you need me to rewind the security camera footage? 392 00:14:35,477 --> 00:14:37,510 No. No, thank you. 393 00:14:37,512 --> 00:14:39,412 - Okay. - Sorry. 394 00:14:39,414 --> 00:14:40,880 Okay. 395 00:14:40,882 --> 00:14:43,182 So we ordered fries. You know? 396 00:14:43,184 --> 00:14:44,384 Yeah. So, you know, 397 00:14:44,386 --> 00:14:46,486 despite the, uh, mutual-ness of our breakups, 398 00:14:46,488 --> 00:14:48,421 we were still feeling a little bit down. 399 00:14:48,423 --> 00:14:49,756 You know? We're only human. 400 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:51,553 Are we, though? 401 00:14:51,578 --> 00:14:54,594 I mean, people like you and me, we don't eat disgusting food 402 00:14:54,596 --> 00:14:56,262 to make ourselves feel better. 403 00:14:56,264 --> 00:14:57,563 It doesn't even work, anyway. 404 00:14:57,565 --> 00:14:59,465 You know, you're right. It doesn't work. 405 00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:01,000 You feel worse. 406 00:15:01,002 --> 00:15:03,736 You feel like a worthless, pathetic, 407 00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:05,772 flabby little fat kid who's running around the playground, 408 00:15:05,774 --> 00:15:07,106 and all the kids are screaming at him 409 00:15:07,108 --> 00:15:08,274 and pointing at him and chasing him 410 00:15:08,276 --> 00:15:10,143 and calling him the Tubby Tubster tel the time. 411 00:15:10,878 --> 00:15:12,712 That didn't happen to me. 412 00:15:12,714 --> 00:15:14,247 I heard a story about that. 413 00:15:14,249 --> 00:15:16,616 Ah. You know what? I have an idea. 414 00:15:16,618 --> 00:15:17,817 I have this new in-home 415 00:15:17,819 --> 00:15:20,153 gym system called the ShredFlex. 416 00:15:20,155 --> 00:15:22,155 - It's the newest, latest model... - Wait, wait, wait. 417 00:15:22,157 --> 00:15:24,290 - The ShredFlex 5000? - Mm-hmm. 418 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:25,792 Okay. I have been trying to get this in my gym 419 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,334 and it has been on back-order forever. 420 00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:28,858 Well, I have it. 421 00:15:28,883 --> 00:15:30,216 In matte black. 422 00:15:30,365 --> 00:15:31,964 Like the Batmobile? 423 00:15:31,966 --> 00:15:35,134 Yes. Let's do this, man. Let's do a seven-day cleanse 424 00:15:35,136 --> 00:15:37,837 and shred and flex our way into the best shape of our lives. 425 00:15:37,839 --> 00:15:39,305 Yeah. That'll make us feel great. 426 00:15:39,307 --> 00:15:40,540 It'll make us feel amazing. 427 00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:41,774 - Mm-hmm. - I love where your head's at, man. 428 00:15:41,776 --> 00:15:43,843 - Yeah. - Yeah. Let's O.D. on endorphins, bro! 429 00:15:43,845 --> 00:15:45,011 - Yeah! - Okay. 430 00:15:46,114 --> 00:15:47,246 Hey! Idiots! 431 00:15:47,248 --> 00:15:48,347 - Yep. So sorry. - Yeah, you're right. 432 00:15:48,349 --> 00:15:49,549 - Let's clean that up. - Good call. 433 00:15:49,551 --> 00:15:51,050 Oh. We shouldn't have done that. 434 00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,853 Hey, hey! 435 00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:55,188 You'll never believe this. 436 00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:56,322 I balanced your books. 437 00:15:56,324 --> 00:15:57,123 And you were right. 438 00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:58,724 You only have about $800... 439 00:15:58,726 --> 00:16:00,993 Or 100 scones... Left in the bank. 440 00:16:00,995 --> 00:16:01,994 And after I balanced your books, 441 00:16:01,996 --> 00:16:03,596 I balanced my own checkbook. 442 00:16:03,598 --> 00:16:07,433 And I only have about 30 scones left in the bank. 443 00:16:07,435 --> 00:16:11,737 It turns out, I spent tens of thousands of dollars on Josh. 444 00:16:11,739 --> 00:16:14,307 Anyway, water under the bridge. What can I do for you next? 445 00:16:14,309 --> 00:16:17,143 Well, I have a meeting with the bride and groom now. 446 00:16:17,145 --> 00:16:19,445 Great. I will come as your assistant. It'll be perfect. 447 00:16:19,447 --> 00:16:21,214 I will take notes, I will interrupt you 448 00:16:21,216 --> 00:16:23,015 with fake appointments to make you look cool, 449 00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:23,883 I will interrupt 450 00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:25,184 with fake phone calls... oh. 451 00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,420 Uh, Ms. Perez, I have Susan Faludi on line one. 452 00:16:27,422 --> 00:16:28,588 Yeah. Who? 453 00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:31,157 Susan Faludi. She wrote Backlash. It was seminal. 454 00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:32,158 Anyway... please? 455 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,526 I want to be helpful and productive. 456 00:16:33,528 --> 00:16:34,694 Look how snappy I look. 457 00:16:35,563 --> 00:16:36,629 Hmm. 458 00:16:36,631 --> 00:16:39,365 An assistant would make me look fancy. 459 00:16:40,435 --> 00:16:41,501 Okay, sure. 460 00:16:41,503 --> 00:16:42,468 Let's do it. 461 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:44,437 Do it! Do it! 462 00:16:44,439 --> 00:16:46,305 Come on, five more. You got this. 463 00:16:46,307 --> 00:16:48,341 Oh, my arms are starting to burn. 464 00:16:48,343 --> 00:16:50,109 Yeah. That's just the fat crying out in pain. 465 00:16:50,111 --> 00:16:52,245 Come on, you fat little boy. 466 00:16:52,247 --> 00:16:54,447 You pudgy little blubber ball. 467 00:16:54,449 --> 00:16:56,749 Mr. Tubby Tubster! 468 00:16:56,751 --> 00:16:59,118 - That is so mean! - Yeah. Three, 469 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:03,256 - two... one! Come on! - Ah... 470 00:17:03,258 --> 00:17:04,924 - Impressive. - Oh, my God. 471 00:17:04,926 --> 00:17:06,158 Oh, thanks, man. 472 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,927 Get in there. 473 00:17:07,929 --> 00:17:08,895 Here we go. 474 00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,364 What do the spikes do, exactly? 475 00:17:11,366 --> 00:17:13,099 Well, they scare the fat out of your body. 476 00:17:13,101 --> 00:17:14,767 Ah. 477 00:17:14,769 --> 00:17:17,136 There we go. 478 00:17:17,138 --> 00:17:19,138 - Two. - Come on, man. Come on. 479 00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:21,607 - Three. - Attaboy. Looking good. 480 00:17:22,348 --> 00:17:23,843 Big push. 481 00:17:25,713 --> 00:17:27,035 Go! Go! Go! 482 00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:28,960 You call that effort, daddy's boy? 483 00:17:28,962 --> 00:17:31,145 Maybe if you burn off some of that disgusting, 484 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,672 white jiggly fat, your father will finally love you! 485 00:17:36,603 --> 00:17:37,936 There we go. There we go. 486 00:17:38,606 --> 00:17:40,419 You're good. 487 00:17:40,444 --> 00:17:42,311 Thanks. 488 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,564 Hello. 489 00:17:46,005 --> 00:17:48,239 Rebecca? What are you doing here? 490 00:17:48,286 --> 00:17:49,685 Hey. You-you guys know each other? 491 00:17:49,687 --> 00:17:51,120 Yeah. Oh, Marty and I go way back. 492 00:17:51,122 --> 00:17:53,493 He works at the market, dusting potatoes. 493 00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:54,461 Not anymore. 494 00:17:54,486 --> 00:17:56,594 I'm a produce manager now. 495 00:17:56,664 --> 00:17:59,227 I like to say I'm a producer. 496 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:01,897 Ooh. Rebecca. 497 00:18:01,899 --> 00:18:04,016 This is Ally. 498 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,734 Oh, my God... You're marrying Ally? 499 00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,136 I heard you were in love with her, 500 00:18:07,138 --> 00:18:08,604 but she was into that rude grocery clerk. 501 00:18:08,606 --> 00:18:10,072 The one who came to my party. 502 00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:12,308 I'm not gonna say it, but the one with, you know. 503 00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,677 Brody. Yeah. We broke up. 504 00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:16,445 And Marty was there. 505 00:18:16,447 --> 00:18:17,580 So here we are. 506 00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:18,847 Isn't that a great story? 507 00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:20,683 Oh, I love when you tell it. 508 00:18:20,685 --> 00:18:22,117 Mwah. 509 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,453 Sorry to hear about you and Josh, by the way. 510 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:26,789 Mrs. Hernandez said it didn't work out. 511 00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:28,591 You know Mrs. Hernandez? 512 00:18:28,593 --> 00:18:31,585 She comes in on Thursdays, buys a single peach. 513 00:18:31,929 --> 00:18:33,162 Strange woman. 514 00:18:33,164 --> 00:18:35,331 So, anyway, back to me and my business. Yes. 515 00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,466 And your engagement party. 516 00:18:37,468 --> 00:18:38,934 Yeah, we're on a budget. 517 00:18:38,936 --> 00:18:41,036 I mean, I'm the bread manager at the market, 518 00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,538 so I make more than Marty. 519 00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:44,255 So you're the breadwinner. 520 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,375 No. I'm the bread manager. 521 00:18:46,377 --> 00:18:48,247 Between us, we don't have that much dough. 522 00:18:50,514 --> 00:18:51,847 That's funny. 523 00:18:51,849 --> 00:18:53,349 How is that funny? 524 00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:54,850 I think it's a bummer. 525 00:18:54,852 --> 00:18:55,918 Don't you worry. 526 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,086 Your budget is not an issue, 527 00:18:57,088 --> 00:18:59,188 because we can do the event economically 528 00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:00,522 right here at Home Base. 529 00:19:00,524 --> 00:19:01,390 I call it 530 00:19:01,392 --> 00:19:03,158 Beer and Brats at the Base. 531 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,056 A SoCal Oktoberfest without the nasty Germans. 532 00:19:06,081 --> 00:19:08,063 Oktoberfests are very trendy right now. 533 00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:10,232 I heard that Prince Harry and his Northwestern 534 00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:12,067 theater major fiancée love a good O-fest. 535 00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:13,235 Yeah. 536 00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:15,170 That sounds really great. 537 00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:16,238 Uh... 538 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,940 What do you think, Ally? 539 00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:19,108 Sure. 540 00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:20,442 If that's what we can afford. 541 00:19:20,444 --> 00:19:23,078 I mean, it's not like either of us manages the meat. 542 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,180 So neither of you brings home the bacon? 543 00:19:25,182 --> 00:19:28,150 No. I don't like bacon, so he doesn't bring it home. 544 00:19:28,152 --> 00:19:29,852 Oh, lady, you're killing me. 545 00:19:29,854 --> 00:19:31,887 Babe, as long as we're celebrating our love, 546 00:19:31,889 --> 00:19:33,789 I don't care where we are. 547 00:19:33,791 --> 00:19:36,759 I just want everyone to know we found each other. 548 00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:39,405 - Mmm... - Mmm... 549 00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,063 Okay. People are watching. 550 00:19:41,065 --> 00:19:43,699 Oh. That's enough. 551 00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:48,303 Excellent. Great. We'll keep in touch. 552 00:19:48,305 --> 00:19:49,872 We will. I'm excited. Bye, guys. 553 00:19:49,874 --> 00:19:51,874 Okay. Bye. 554 00:19:52,677 --> 00:19:53,909 Okay. What are we gonna do? 555 00:19:53,911 --> 00:19:55,878 - Uh... ? - We can't plan that party. 556 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,413 That is a pass. It's a clear pass. 557 00:19:57,415 --> 00:19:58,647 What are you talking about? 558 00:19:58,649 --> 00:20:02,017 Eh, Valencia, did you not see them and their whole dynamic? 559 00:20:02,019 --> 00:20:03,886 I mean, she's only marrying him as some kind of rebound 560 00:20:03,888 --> 00:20:05,187 or consolation prize. 561 00:20:05,189 --> 00:20:07,723 All I know is she does not love Marty. 562 00:20:07,725 --> 00:20:09,291 First, I didn't notice that. 563 00:20:09,293 --> 00:20:11,660 But even if you're right, then I hope they get married 564 00:20:11,662 --> 00:20:12,795 and we do their wedding, 565 00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:13,862 and then we do 566 00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:15,064 their ironic divorce parties, and then 567 00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:16,265 their second weddings. 568 00:20:16,267 --> 00:20:17,566 That's how you build a business. 569 00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:19,802 Oh, wha... I... I cannot believe you right now. 570 00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:21,270 Really. I can't believe, that, considering 571 00:20:21,272 --> 00:20:22,438 what you and I have been through with men, 572 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:24,139 specifically Josh Chan, 573 00:20:24,141 --> 00:20:26,608 you would let someone marry a person that does not love them 574 00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:28,744 and might, oh, I don't know, leave them at the altar? 575 00:20:28,746 --> 00:20:29,845 That is not on us. 576 00:20:29,847 --> 00:20:31,046 Not at all. 577 00:20:31,048 --> 00:20:32,481 All right. You know what? I signed up to do good 578 00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:33,582 and to help people. 579 00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:35,906 And Marty needs my help now. 580 00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:37,381 Where are you going? 581 00:20:37,406 --> 00:20:38,831 I am going to warn Marty, 582 00:20:38,856 --> 00:20:40,756 the way that I wish someone had warned me. 583 00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:42,958 Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. 584 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,426 You move, you die. 585 00:20:44,428 --> 00:20:46,263 Also, everyone warned you. 586 00:20:46,951 --> 00:20:48,330 Okay? Please. 587 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,294 This is my last shot to keep this business afloat. 588 00:20:51,621 --> 00:20:54,989 You wanted to help me, please help me. 589 00:21:01,145 --> 00:21:02,911 Of course he won, he's got God on his side. 590 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,179 Mm-hmm. 591 00:21:05,716 --> 00:21:06,849 Is this the poker game? 592 00:21:06,851 --> 00:21:08,952 I wore a red hat as requested. 593 00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:10,452 Red hat was a code. 594 00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:11,882 Not a dress code? 595 00:21:11,907 --> 00:21:14,341 - No. - Oops. 596 00:21:16,135 --> 00:21:17,803 Okay. 597 00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:22,531 I would like to turn this money into more money, please. 598 00:21:22,533 --> 00:21:23,632 I'll take that. 599 00:21:23,634 --> 00:21:25,267 - Thank you. - Yeah. 600 00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:26,502 Let's do this. 601 00:21:26,504 --> 00:21:28,237 Mama needs some new insulin. 602 00:21:28,973 --> 00:21:29,972 Actually, she really does. 603 00:21:29,974 --> 00:21:31,606 Her blood sugar is all over the place. 604 00:21:31,631 --> 00:21:33,965 Okay, belly up to the bar, boys. 605 00:21:35,012 --> 00:21:36,812 Oh, I'm so scared, Father. 606 00:21:36,814 --> 00:21:38,747 Oh, I am not Father tonight. 607 00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:41,747 Tonight you will call me Daddy. 608 00:21:48,872 --> 00:21:50,597 - Okay. You ready? - Ooh. Okay. 609 00:21:50,622 --> 00:21:52,605 Day seven. Time to face the music. 610 00:21:52,630 --> 00:21:53,763 Yeah. I'm ready. 611 00:21:53,765 --> 00:21:55,331 All right. 612 00:21:57,456 --> 00:21:59,422 Time to measure that body fat. 613 00:22:01,114 --> 00:22:02,705 - Oh, my God. - What? 614 00:22:02,707 --> 00:22:04,841 - This is insane. - What do we got? 615 00:22:04,843 --> 00:22:07,027 You're down 1.2%. 616 00:22:07,052 --> 00:22:08,711 - What? Whoa! That is crazy. - Yeah. 617 00:22:08,713 --> 00:22:10,113 That's like Efron territory. 618 00:22:10,115 --> 00:22:11,910 That's like Baywatch Efron. 619 00:22:11,935 --> 00:22:14,169 Not-not High School Musical dough-boy Efron. 620 00:22:14,171 --> 00:22:15,504 No. 621 00:22:15,506 --> 00:22:17,005 - Okay. All right. My turn. - Yeah. 622 00:22:17,007 --> 00:22:18,240 Here we go. 623 00:22:18,242 --> 00:22:19,341 Here we go. Yep. 624 00:22:19,343 --> 00:22:20,408 - Oh, I'm nervous. - Okay. 625 00:22:20,410 --> 00:22:22,277 No, you got this. 626 00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:25,113 - Oof. - What? 627 00:22:25,115 --> 00:22:27,549 - Sorry, dude. - Damn it! 628 00:22:27,551 --> 00:22:29,117 I ate a banana. 629 00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:30,952 Why do they put bananas in the fruit section? 630 00:22:30,954 --> 00:22:32,454 They should be in the candy section. 631 00:22:32,456 --> 00:22:33,922 I'm a candy-eating child. 632 00:22:33,924 --> 00:22:36,124 Yeah, no, this is bad. 633 00:22:36,126 --> 00:22:39,327 You're only down 1.3%. 634 00:22:39,329 --> 00:22:40,929 - What? Really? - Yeah! 635 00:22:40,931 --> 00:22:42,163 - Yes, dude. - You were, you were kidding just now? 636 00:22:42,165 --> 00:22:43,398 I was kidding just now! 637 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,633 - Come on! - Yeah! 638 00:22:44,635 --> 00:22:46,968 That means that we both beat our personal records. 639 00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:47,769 Yes, we did! 640 00:22:47,771 --> 00:22:49,070 Yeah! 641 00:22:49,072 --> 00:22:50,772 You know what we should do? We should get out there. 642 00:22:50,774 --> 00:22:51,973 We should go get hit on. 643 00:22:51,975 --> 00:22:53,575 Yeah, we should. We should. 644 00:22:53,577 --> 00:22:56,177 We can't keep this chiseled perfection locked away in here. 645 00:22:56,179 --> 00:22:57,512 Mm-mm. No, we should take these sculptures out 646 00:22:57,514 --> 00:22:58,847 on a walking tour. 647 00:22:58,849 --> 00:23:01,416 Better yet, let's take these sculptures to a museum, 648 00:23:01,418 --> 00:23:03,118 put 'em on display. 649 00:23:04,087 --> 00:23:05,887 We're talking about going to a bar, right? 650 00:23:05,889 --> 00:23:07,956 No, I thought we'd go to an actual museum, 651 00:23:07,958 --> 00:23:09,424 maybe take an audio tour, 652 00:23:09,426 --> 00:23:11,092 swing by the gift shop, buy a book, or something. 653 00:23:11,094 --> 00:23:12,694 - Really? - Yeah, no, I'm talking about a bar. 654 00:23:12,696 --> 00:23:14,462 - Oh. - Come on. Let's go, you sexy dum-dum. 655 00:23:14,464 --> 00:23:15,564 Okay. 656 00:23:16,533 --> 00:23:17,532 Eyes up! 657 00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:18,800 Foul ball! 658 00:23:18,802 --> 00:23:21,169 Ally's so cold and distant. 659 00:23:21,171 --> 00:23:23,038 It's like she's got one foot out the door. 660 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,773 And have you noticed how Marty always texts us back, 661 00:23:24,775 --> 00:23:26,975 like, right away, but Ally only texts back things 662 00:23:26,977 --> 00:23:28,743 like busy or K 663 00:23:28,745 --> 00:23:31,179 or L, which I think is just a typo for K. 664 00:23:31,181 --> 00:23:32,147 So what? 665 00:23:32,149 --> 00:23:33,348 Valencia. 666 00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:34,616 I just have a gut feeling. 667 00:23:34,618 --> 00:23:35,850 Stop it, please. 668 00:23:35,852 --> 00:23:38,019 This is all you've talked about for the past week. 669 00:23:38,021 --> 00:23:39,387 Yeah, but I've only aired my doubts to you; 670 00:23:39,389 --> 00:23:40,589 I haven't said anything to Marty. 671 00:23:40,591 --> 00:23:42,257 Because they are not real. 672 00:23:42,259 --> 00:23:43,558 And even if they were, 673 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,926 I don't care. 674 00:23:45,442 --> 00:23:46,761 Now they're here. 675 00:23:46,848 --> 00:23:48,691 Pull yourself together. 676 00:23:52,869 --> 00:23:55,704 Well, slap me with a schnitzel. 677 00:23:55,706 --> 00:23:57,472 This looks amazing. 678 00:23:57,474 --> 00:23:59,107 Valencia, you outdid yourself. 679 00:23:59,109 --> 00:23:59,874 Ah. 680 00:23:59,876 --> 00:24:03,111 Didn't she, Ally? 681 00:24:03,590 --> 00:24:05,914 Sorry, it's the beverage manager. 682 00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:08,383 He's kind of funny, but it's like, Why are you texting me? 683 00:24:08,385 --> 00:24:10,318 I'm engaged. 684 00:24:10,988 --> 00:24:12,687 Uh... Wow. 685 00:24:15,058 --> 00:24:16,925 Say nothing. 686 00:24:18,061 --> 00:24:19,260 Okay. 687 00:24:23,433 --> 00:24:26,968 So I told WiJo I was a volunteer fireman, but that's a lie. 688 00:24:26,970 --> 00:24:28,628 You're not? 689 00:24:29,006 --> 00:24:31,306 I'm not totally a fireman. 690 00:24:31,308 --> 00:24:33,341 Okay, so you're a, you're a partial fireman? 691 00:24:33,343 --> 00:24:36,344 Josh... what job do you have? 692 00:24:36,346 --> 00:24:38,813 Wha... it's not about the job, it's about my future. 693 00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:41,457 - What do you mean? - I mean... 694 00:24:43,035 --> 00:24:45,186 everyone around me seems to know what they want to be, 695 00:24:45,188 --> 00:24:46,348 and I don't. 696 00:24:47,591 --> 00:24:49,168 It makes me feel so bad. 697 00:24:49,721 --> 00:24:53,461 So, whenever I'm at my job, which, again, is somewhat 698 00:24:53,463 --> 00:24:55,697 but not completely like being a fireman... 699 00:24:55,699 --> 00:24:56,998 Uh-huh. 700 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,237 ... I feel so sorry for myself. 701 00:25:00,003 --> 00:25:01,836 Like, I want to cry. 702 00:25:01,838 --> 00:25:05,607 Okay. Well, there's nothing wrong with crying, man. 703 00:25:05,609 --> 00:25:07,409 Especially for someone in your situation, 704 00:25:07,411 --> 00:25:09,344 which, you know, as I understand it, 705 00:25:09,346 --> 00:25:12,313 is being kind of sort of a paid volunteer fireman... 706 00:25:12,315 --> 00:25:13,148 Mm-hmm. 707 00:25:13,150 --> 00:25:15,283 ... things can get really rough. 708 00:25:15,285 --> 00:25:16,254 Yeah. 709 00:25:17,054 --> 00:25:18,853 - Yeah, they are. - Yeah. 710 00:25:19,183 --> 00:25:20,989 Thanks. You get it. 711 00:25:20,991 --> 00:25:22,891 Yeah. And, dude, whatever you're doing, 712 00:25:22,893 --> 00:25:24,125 you look great. 713 00:25:24,127 --> 00:25:26,261 Like, any actual fireman would be super happy 714 00:25:26,263 --> 00:25:27,696 to have your body. 715 00:25:27,698 --> 00:25:29,397 Thanks. It's hard to look this good. 716 00:25:29,399 --> 00:25:30,699 Uh-huh. 717 00:25:39,142 --> 00:25:40,241 Whoa. 718 00:25:40,243 --> 00:25:41,876 - Lot of dudes at this place. - Yeah. 719 00:25:41,878 --> 00:25:43,078 - Some are kissing. - That's cool. 720 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:44,512 Oh, yeah, no, it's a gay bar. 721 00:25:44,514 --> 00:25:46,681 Which is great for me, but it's also actually great for you, 722 00:25:46,683 --> 00:25:48,783 'cause bachelorette parties, girls' nights out, 723 00:25:48,785 --> 00:25:51,319 girls who like to dance in a circle. 724 00:25:51,321 --> 00:25:52,754 I don't know. They're all here. 725 00:25:53,724 --> 00:25:55,123 Oh, yeah, look at this, huh? 726 00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,892 - Cool. - No. Not cool. It's actually horrible. 727 00:25:57,894 --> 00:26:00,242 Straight girls are ruining the best part about being gay. 728 00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:02,067 This used to be the one place that belonged to us, 729 00:26:02,069 --> 00:26:03,135 but whatever. 730 00:26:03,137 --> 00:26:05,771 Tonight... it works for both of us. 731 00:26:05,773 --> 00:26:07,039 So, uh, come on. 732 00:26:07,041 --> 00:26:08,607 - Let's do this. - Okay. 733 00:26:10,778 --> 00:26:12,044 Ooh! 734 00:26:12,046 --> 00:26:14,313 Ante, ante, show your fanny, 735 00:26:14,315 --> 00:26:16,718 make that money and turn it into honey. 736 00:26:16,743 --> 00:26:18,509 We're not ante-ing, idiot. 737 00:26:18,534 --> 00:26:20,167 Dude, you won last week. 738 00:26:20,621 --> 00:26:22,621 - Should've just called it a day. - Yeah, also, 739 00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:24,123 if you act like that, no one's gonna feel bad 740 00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:25,324 about taking your money. 741 00:26:25,326 --> 00:26:26,658 Oh, you're just sore, because last week, 742 00:26:26,660 --> 00:26:28,160 I won a K and a G, 743 00:26:28,162 --> 00:26:30,529 and some soon-to-be, God willing, Tubmans. 744 00:26:30,531 --> 00:26:32,064 And this week I'm gonna 745 00:26:32,066 --> 00:26:33,249 double and triple that. 746 00:26:33,274 --> 00:26:34,807 Papa needs a baby. 747 00:26:34,820 --> 00:26:36,788 Someone is gonna knife you in the parking lot. 748 00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:40,161 Okay. Aces are up, deuces are wild. 749 00:26:40,186 --> 00:26:42,074 Give me some money to buy my child! 750 00:26:43,144 --> 00:26:44,543 That did not come out right. 751 00:26:44,545 --> 00:26:47,116 I would never purchase a child. 752 00:26:47,141 --> 00:26:50,175 I think that trafficking is society's greatest scourge. 753 00:26:51,319 --> 00:26:52,451 Read 'em and weep. 754 00:26:52,453 --> 00:26:53,452 Sevens and fives. 755 00:26:56,210 --> 00:26:57,556 I got a flush. 756 00:26:57,558 --> 00:26:59,525 Oh! 757 00:26:59,527 --> 00:27:02,328 Oh. 758 00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:04,163 Damn her and her lucky peach. 759 00:27:04,165 --> 00:27:05,831 My egg money. 760 00:27:05,942 --> 00:27:07,679 Oh, no. 761 00:27:18,980 --> 00:27:20,412 I wrote a song for you. 762 00:27:20,414 --> 00:27:21,847 It's called Punch 763 00:27:21,849 --> 00:27:23,682 the Time Card of My Heart. 764 00:27:23,684 --> 00:27:26,752 Awesome. I'd love to read it later. 765 00:27:26,754 --> 00:27:28,187 Oh, I was gonna sing it. 766 00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:29,555 Honey, 767 00:27:29,557 --> 00:27:31,041 there are people here. 768 00:27:33,627 --> 00:27:36,462 I hate how much I'm pulling this look off. 769 00:27:36,464 --> 00:27:37,663 Wait, what are you doing? 770 00:27:37,665 --> 00:27:39,465 You're supposed to be passing out the wieners. 771 00:27:39,467 --> 00:27:40,799 Wieners. 772 00:27:40,801 --> 00:27:43,068 But, so I'm the only one working? 773 00:27:43,070 --> 00:27:44,503 I know, I... 774 00:27:44,505 --> 00:27:46,739 My services are needed elsewhere right now. 775 00:27:46,741 --> 00:27:48,874 Rebecca. What are you doing? 776 00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:50,976 Slap on a smile and pass out those sausages. 777 00:27:50,978 --> 00:27:53,879 I see some frauleins and herrs without food. 778 00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,528 Don't mess this up for me. 779 00:27:56,115 --> 00:27:58,090 Later, hosen. 780 00:28:02,380 --> 00:28:04,423 - I'll be right back. - Okay. 781 00:28:35,956 --> 00:28:38,691 You're late. 782 00:28:38,693 --> 00:28:40,344 When are you getting here? 783 00:28:40,661 --> 00:28:42,961 Bring someone, so it doesn't look suspicious. 784 00:28:52,133 --> 00:28:53,699 Dude. 785 00:28:53,701 --> 00:28:55,328 That guy you were dancing with is hot. 786 00:28:55,352 --> 00:28:56,585 Yeah! Yeah. 787 00:28:56,587 --> 00:28:58,921 - And your girl. - Oh. 788 00:28:58,923 --> 00:29:01,123 - Smoking. - They want to go home with us. 789 00:29:01,125 --> 00:29:02,591 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, they do. 790 00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:04,850 - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. Yep. 791 00:29:07,664 --> 00:29:08,730 So why don't I want to? 792 00:29:08,732 --> 00:29:11,466 I don't know. I don't want to, either. 793 00:29:12,531 --> 00:29:15,904 Do you think it's because of our completely mutual breakups? 794 00:29:18,075 --> 00:29:19,790 Who are we kidding, dude? 795 00:29:22,019 --> 00:29:23,579 We got dumped. 796 00:29:24,315 --> 00:29:25,714 Yeah. 797 00:29:25,716 --> 00:29:27,516 We did. 798 00:29:28,071 --> 00:29:29,751 Ugh. 799 00:29:29,753 --> 00:29:30,953 Yeah. 800 00:29:31,095 --> 00:29:32,727 Onion rings? 801 00:29:32,839 --> 00:29:34,071 Hundo P. 802 00:29:34,191 --> 00:29:35,224 Hi. 803 00:29:35,226 --> 00:29:38,026 Marty and Ally. 804 00:29:38,028 --> 00:29:39,126 At long last, 805 00:29:39,151 --> 00:29:42,782 your epic love story has reached fruition. 806 00:29:44,196 --> 00:29:46,134 Fruit, produce? 807 00:29:46,136 --> 00:29:48,003 Grocery store... okay. No? 808 00:29:48,005 --> 00:29:49,137 Too smart? All right. 809 00:29:49,139 --> 00:29:53,575 To continue, um, Ally, once you were mine, 810 00:29:53,662 --> 00:29:56,173 and then Marty here came and took you away, 811 00:29:56,475 --> 00:29:57,456 with his... 812 00:29:57,481 --> 00:30:01,316 weird songs and his big hair, I guess? 813 00:30:01,318 --> 00:30:03,852 I mean, nobody gets it, right? 814 00:30:03,854 --> 00:30:06,343 But I think the important thing is that 815 00:30:06,368 --> 00:30:08,724 I had a very big part 816 00:30:08,726 --> 00:30:10,893 in your love story, and so I kind of feel like... 817 00:30:10,895 --> 00:30:12,494 I don't understand. 818 00:30:12,496 --> 00:30:13,662 What am I telling people? 819 00:30:13,664 --> 00:30:15,197 Just act like you're my date. 820 00:30:15,199 --> 00:30:16,798 That's what I'm paying you for. 821 00:30:16,823 --> 00:30:18,851 What is this venue? 822 00:30:21,077 --> 00:30:22,938 It's like a sad restaurant attached to a batting cage? 823 00:30:22,940 --> 00:30:25,807 But they say love's a lot like a pretzel. 824 00:30:25,809 --> 00:30:28,243 You know? It's twisty and it's turny, and... 825 00:30:28,245 --> 00:30:30,512 once the salt's gone, it's pretty bland. 826 00:30:30,514 --> 00:30:32,781 So, good luck, guys. Anyways, 827 00:30:32,783 --> 00:30:35,751 speaking of Oktoberfest, who here loves Angela Merkel, huh? 828 00:30:35,753 --> 00:30:37,786 Chancellor? I hardly know her. 829 00:30:39,089 --> 00:30:40,789 Anyway, I'm single. 830 00:30:40,791 --> 00:30:43,425 ? ? 831 00:30:45,162 --> 00:30:46,828 Those onion rings were disgusting. 832 00:30:46,830 --> 00:30:48,030 Yeah. 833 00:30:48,032 --> 00:30:50,232 Being dumped sucks, man. 834 00:30:51,340 --> 00:30:54,503 Worse than your pecs feel after, like, 50-pound flyes. 835 00:30:54,505 --> 00:30:56,104 Oh, to me, it's more like how you feel 836 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:58,106 after a one-rep squat PR. 837 00:30:58,108 --> 00:30:59,174 Mm. 838 00:30:59,176 --> 00:31:00,742 - Yep. - Yep. 839 00:31:00,744 --> 00:31:03,011 Excuse me? Hi! 840 00:31:03,013 --> 00:31:05,247 Can you guys be sad somewhere else? 841 00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:07,115 Hi. This is my girl Sherry. 842 00:31:07,117 --> 00:31:08,550 She's wearing Spanx tonight 843 00:31:08,552 --> 00:31:11,086 'cause we is out on the town. All right? 844 00:31:11,088 --> 00:31:12,888 And me, I'm getting married, 845 00:31:12,890 --> 00:31:15,023 if you want to buy me a dranky-drank-drank-drank. 846 00:31:15,025 --> 00:31:18,205 So, yeah, you guys are killing the vibe in here. 847 00:31:18,696 --> 00:31:22,264 This bar is not for you, there are straight bars everywhere! 848 00:31:22,266 --> 00:31:24,466 Yeah, they're called bars. 849 00:31:24,468 --> 00:31:27,002 Uh, God, what's their problem? 850 00:31:27,004 --> 00:31:29,338 They don't have problems. 851 00:31:29,340 --> 00:31:31,239 Do you see how hot they are? 852 00:31:31,241 --> 00:31:32,541 Guys like this 853 00:31:32,543 --> 00:31:35,110 don't have real problems. Mm. 854 00:31:39,550 --> 00:31:43,085 - No one understands. - No one understands. 855 00:31:55,466 --> 00:31:57,899 - ? One ? - ? Two ? 856 00:31:57,901 --> 00:32:00,435 ? One, two, three, four ? 857 00:32:07,811 --> 00:32:10,712 ? We know what people think when they see us ? 858 00:32:10,714 --> 00:32:13,315 ? That we're so hot, it's insane ? 859 00:32:13,317 --> 00:32:14,616 ? Ayne, ayne, ayne ? 860 00:32:14,618 --> 00:32:16,485 ? When we exit a pool ? 861 00:32:16,487 --> 00:32:18,387 ? We do it in slow motion ? 862 00:32:18,389 --> 00:32:22,090 ? But that don't mean we can't complain ? 863 00:32:22,092 --> 00:32:26,228 ? 'Cause fit, hot guys have problems, too ? 864 00:32:26,230 --> 00:32:27,529 ? Don't look at us ? 865 00:32:27,531 --> 00:32:29,274 ? We're not dancing for you ? 866 00:32:29,787 --> 00:32:33,902 ? This is our quiet, personal time to reflect ? 867 00:32:33,904 --> 00:32:36,397 ? Flect, flect, flect ? 868 00:32:37,141 --> 00:32:40,575 ? We both have almost no body fat ? 869 00:32:40,577 --> 00:32:44,479 ? But we're too bummed out to talk about that ? 870 00:32:44,481 --> 00:32:46,314 ? I know we look ? 871 00:32:46,316 --> 00:32:48,250 ? So much better than you ? 872 00:32:48,252 --> 00:32:51,887 ? But fit, hot guys have problems, too ? 873 00:32:51,889 --> 00:32:54,556 ? Uh! ? 874 00:33:00,264 --> 00:33:03,498 ? Everyone is at our sexual mercy ? 875 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:05,634 ? Be them a mister ? ? Or miss ? 876 00:33:05,636 --> 00:33:06,935 ? Miss, miss, miss ? 877 00:33:06,937 --> 00:33:08,937 ? But when we're down on our knees ? 878 00:33:08,939 --> 00:33:10,672 ? No one has sympathy ? 879 00:33:10,674 --> 00:33:13,442 ? Because they only see this ? 880 00:33:13,444 --> 00:33:15,510 - ? And this ? - ? And this ? 881 00:33:15,512 --> 00:33:16,678 ? And this ? 882 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:17,872 ? And this ? 883 00:33:17,897 --> 00:33:20,064 ? But what about this? ? 884 00:33:20,089 --> 00:33:23,952 ? 'Cause fit, hot guys have problems, too ? 885 00:33:23,954 --> 00:33:25,687 ? Don't look at us ? 886 00:33:25,689 --> 00:33:27,566 ? We're not dancing for you ? 887 00:33:27,864 --> 00:33:29,858 ? It's just hard ? 888 00:33:29,860 --> 00:33:32,794 ? To process emotions with our clothes on ? 889 00:33:32,796 --> 00:33:35,430 ? Clothes on, clothes on, clothes on ? 890 00:33:35,432 --> 00:33:39,000 ? Our pecs are perfect, but we have bad days ? 891 00:33:39,002 --> 00:33:40,502 ? So don't objectify us ? 892 00:33:40,504 --> 00:33:42,604 ? With your male and female gaze ? 893 00:33:42,606 --> 00:33:44,840 ? We have childhood traumas ? 894 00:33:44,842 --> 00:33:46,675 ? Just like you ? 895 00:33:46,677 --> 00:33:50,045 ? 'Cause fit, hot guys have problems, too ? 896 00:33:50,047 --> 00:33:51,613 ? Uh... ? 897 00:33:51,615 --> 00:33:54,149 Give us back our shirts, you monsters. 898 00:33:54,151 --> 00:33:55,650 Yeah, what's wrong with you?! 899 00:33:55,652 --> 00:33:57,586 - Come on, guys. - Who's got it? 900 00:34:01,422 --> 00:34:03,592 Uh, Josh? 901 00:34:04,586 --> 00:34:05,380 No. 902 00:34:05,405 --> 00:34:07,430 Hold on, are you, are you actually here? 903 00:34:07,455 --> 00:34:09,064 Like, in reality? 904 00:34:09,066 --> 00:34:11,266 Uh, yeah. 905 00:34:11,268 --> 00:34:13,668 This is my new job. 906 00:34:13,670 --> 00:34:15,971 I'm a go-go dancer at this club. 907 00:34:15,973 --> 00:34:18,473 That's what you meant by volunteer fireman. 908 00:34:18,475 --> 00:34:20,041 Okay, got it. 909 00:34:20,043 --> 00:34:22,377 You want to join our imaginary song and dance? 910 00:34:23,699 --> 00:34:25,136 Sure. 911 00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:32,687 ? 'Cause fit, hot guys have problems, too ? 912 00:34:32,689 --> 00:34:33,889 ? Don't look at us ? 913 00:34:33,891 --> 00:34:36,424 ? We're not dancing for you ? 914 00:34:36,426 --> 00:34:37,959 ? Leave us alone ? 915 00:34:37,961 --> 00:34:40,595 ? We have to twerk out our sad ? 916 00:34:40,597 --> 00:34:42,597 ? Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad ? 917 00:34:42,599 --> 00:34:43,598 ? Sad, sad ? 918 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,200 ? We're expressing our pain ? 919 00:34:45,202 --> 00:34:47,135 ? Through the art of dance ? 920 00:34:47,137 --> 00:34:49,371 ? But we'll express so much better ? 921 00:34:49,373 --> 00:34:51,039 ? Without these pants ? 922 00:34:51,041 --> 00:34:53,241 ? There's so much pressure ? 923 00:34:53,243 --> 00:34:56,878 ? When you're a fit, hot guy ? 924 00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,154 ? So just let us ugly cry... ? 925 00:35:04,621 --> 00:35:07,122 ? Let us ugly cry. ? 926 00:35:10,404 --> 00:35:12,827 Oh, God! Oh! 927 00:35:28,956 --> 00:35:30,580 Hey, have you seen Ally? 928 00:35:31,151 --> 00:35:34,519 Seen? Is that supposed to be an eye joke? 929 00:35:35,021 --> 00:35:36,557 No. 930 00:35:50,830 --> 00:35:52,362 Ahem. 931 00:35:54,878 --> 00:35:57,178 Oh, yeah, it's classic drywall. 932 00:35:57,705 --> 00:35:59,480 It's flat. It's dry. 933 00:35:59,482 --> 00:36:01,690 Uh... it's a wall. 934 00:36:02,799 --> 00:36:04,886 What is wrong with you? 935 00:36:04,888 --> 00:36:07,722 Why are you cheating on the person you're about to marry? 936 00:36:07,724 --> 00:36:10,193 God, you don't even seem to like him. 937 00:36:10,527 --> 00:36:12,584 He doesn't deserve this. He's a person. 938 00:36:12,896 --> 00:36:14,279 I just want to be married. 939 00:36:14,304 --> 00:36:15,833 All my friends are married. 940 00:36:15,858 --> 00:36:17,591 I'm not ready for commitment. 941 00:36:18,248 --> 00:36:20,969 Okay, that's it. I'm putting a stop to this. 942 00:36:24,608 --> 00:36:25,974 Dude. 943 00:36:26,224 --> 00:36:28,743 Why didn't you tell me you were working the pole? 944 00:36:28,745 --> 00:36:29,777 I'm not a stripper. 945 00:36:29,779 --> 00:36:30,979 I'm a go-go dancer. 946 00:36:30,981 --> 00:36:32,480 There's no pole. 947 00:36:32,482 --> 00:36:33,748 Actually, I wish there was. 948 00:36:33,750 --> 00:36:35,483 It would make the whole fireman thing a whole lot better. 949 00:36:35,573 --> 00:36:37,652 Hmm. I-I was embarrassed. 950 00:36:37,654 --> 00:36:39,988 I-I didn't want to ruin your opinion of me. 951 00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:43,391 You guys put me up on a pedestal and think I'm perfect. 952 00:36:43,393 --> 00:36:45,126 No, no. No one thinks that. 953 00:36:45,128 --> 00:36:46,227 Hey, Josh. 954 00:36:46,229 --> 00:36:48,029 Josh, this is Mona. 955 00:36:48,031 --> 00:36:49,631 We know each other from Stanford. 956 00:36:49,633 --> 00:36:51,032 Isn't that an amazing coincidence? 957 00:36:51,034 --> 00:36:52,700 She's here with her old sorority sisters 958 00:36:52,702 --> 00:36:54,369 doing a little scavenger hunt. 959 00:36:54,371 --> 00:36:56,388 Seriously, they should just burn all these places down. 960 00:36:56,413 --> 00:36:57,579 Hi, Joshes. 961 00:36:57,604 --> 00:36:59,003 Nat, I'm gonna go say bye to my friends, okay? 962 00:36:59,028 --> 00:37:00,361 Okay. 963 00:37:03,273 --> 00:37:06,108 You, uh, you going home with her? 964 00:37:06,485 --> 00:37:08,616 Yeah. I figured why not? 965 00:37:08,618 --> 00:37:09,918 You know? 966 00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,753 I already gave her my boxers for the scavenger hunt, 967 00:37:11,755 --> 00:37:12,787 so I'm halfway there. 968 00:37:12,789 --> 00:37:14,155 Yeah. 969 00:37:14,157 --> 00:37:15,423 You going home? 970 00:37:15,425 --> 00:37:17,626 Uh... yeah. 971 00:37:17,651 --> 00:37:18,860 Yeah, I'm good. 972 00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:20,128 You sure? You don't want 973 00:37:20,130 --> 00:37:21,462 to go back inside and find someone, too? 974 00:37:21,464 --> 00:37:22,563 Oh, yeah, totally. 975 00:37:22,565 --> 00:37:23,965 This place doesn't just have hot girls. 976 00:37:23,967 --> 00:37:26,457 It also has tons of gay guys. 977 00:37:27,939 --> 00:37:29,839 Huh? 978 00:37:35,949 --> 00:37:37,545 Now let's hear 979 00:37:37,547 --> 00:37:38,980 from Marty's grandmother. 980 00:37:38,982 --> 00:37:40,915 Aw. Yay. 981 00:37:43,292 --> 00:37:44,658 All right, give me that, Grandma. 982 00:37:44,683 --> 00:37:47,322 Hey, come on. 983 00:37:47,324 --> 00:37:48,756 But that's my grandma. 984 00:37:48,758 --> 00:37:51,059 Oh, you know what, you should thank me. 985 00:37:51,061 --> 00:37:52,126 She was gonna rap. 986 00:37:52,128 --> 00:37:53,298 Oh, no. 987 00:37:53,323 --> 00:37:54,689 Ally. 988 00:37:54,714 --> 00:37:56,280 This toast is from me. 989 00:37:56,305 --> 00:37:58,305 Sit your ass down, bitch. 990 00:38:13,134 --> 00:38:14,667 What's wrong? 991 00:38:15,970 --> 00:38:18,017 I'm here today... 992 00:38:20,446 --> 00:38:22,642 ... to talk about love. 993 00:38:23,450 --> 00:38:25,684 Love, uh... 994 00:38:26,999 --> 00:38:28,758 can be an amazing thing. 995 00:38:29,124 --> 00:38:31,651 And when you're in it, 996 00:38:32,022 --> 00:38:34,320 it's the most wonderful feeling in the world. 997 00:38:34,322 --> 00:38:36,789 I've been doing a lot of thinking 998 00:38:36,791 --> 00:38:38,368 about love in general lately. 999 00:38:38,530 --> 00:38:39,893 Uh... 1000 00:38:40,266 --> 00:38:42,161 And, ah, screw it. 1001 00:38:42,163 --> 00:38:43,329 I tried, Valencia. I'm sorry. 1002 00:38:43,331 --> 00:38:45,331 Okay, Marty, Ally's cheating on you. 1003 00:38:45,333 --> 00:38:46,432 She's cheating on you with that guy 1004 00:38:46,434 --> 00:38:48,668 over there, and it's very obvious, 1005 00:38:48,670 --> 00:38:50,637 so it's a little on you for not noticing, 1006 00:38:50,639 --> 00:38:52,238 but, Marty, I can't have this happen to you 1007 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,007 'cause it happened to me and no one warned me. 1008 00:38:54,009 --> 00:38:55,208 Um, everyone warned her. 1009 00:38:55,210 --> 00:38:56,309 Like, everyone. 1010 00:38:56,311 --> 00:38:58,011 Okay, just... Marty, I know this is a shock, 1011 00:38:58,013 --> 00:39:00,993 and you love her, and that feels wonderful, 1012 00:39:01,018 --> 00:39:03,750 and we tell ourselves that that feeling is some higher calling, 1013 00:39:03,752 --> 00:39:06,419 but the truth is, Marty, love can hurt you 1014 00:39:06,634 --> 00:39:08,688 and it can be very, very dangerous. 1015 00:39:09,649 --> 00:39:12,438 My obsession with love almost cost me my life. 1016 00:39:12,961 --> 00:39:15,204 So, I know this... I know it hurts. 1017 00:39:15,229 --> 00:39:17,229 But, Marty, I just freed you. 1018 00:39:17,662 --> 00:39:19,299 You're free. 1019 00:39:19,301 --> 00:39:21,506 The rest of your life begins now. 1020 00:39:21,703 --> 00:39:24,037 Rebecca, I already knew about BevBro. 1021 00:39:24,319 --> 00:39:27,173 I-I've written 12 songs about it. 1022 00:39:27,175 --> 00:39:29,809 They include Two-Liter Two-Timer, 1023 00:39:29,811 --> 00:39:33,131 Six Pack of Pain, and A Carbonated Crime. 1024 00:39:33,179 --> 00:39:34,979 I don't care. 1025 00:39:35,004 --> 00:39:36,537 I love her. 1026 00:39:37,217 --> 00:39:38,895 I'll take what I can get. 1027 00:39:40,325 --> 00:39:42,231 She makes me happy... 1028 00:39:43,887 --> 00:39:45,636 and that's all that matters. 1029 00:39:46,756 --> 00:39:48,872 And it's none of your business. 1030 00:39:58,478 --> 00:39:59,981 It's okay. 1031 00:40:09,145 --> 00:40:10,383 Oh, hey, Darryl. 1032 00:40:10,511 --> 00:40:11,877 Oh, hey, Rebecca. 1033 00:40:11,902 --> 00:40:13,856 You're eating a plain cake donut? 1034 00:40:13,881 --> 00:40:15,788 - Oh. - What's wrong? 1035 00:40:15,790 --> 00:40:17,023 I don't deserve sprinkles. 1036 00:40:17,025 --> 00:40:19,392 - What? - I gambled all my money away. 1037 00:40:19,394 --> 00:40:21,094 Oh. 1038 00:40:21,317 --> 00:40:23,296 You know why they call it beginner's luck? 1039 00:40:23,298 --> 00:40:25,957 Because it doesn't work the second time you try it. 1040 00:40:27,613 --> 00:40:28,768 What's up with you? 1041 00:40:28,770 --> 00:40:29,936 You don't look so hot yourself. 1042 00:40:29,938 --> 00:40:31,504 It's the usual. 1043 00:40:31,506 --> 00:40:33,324 I'm just, I'm broken and terrible. 1044 00:40:34,409 --> 00:40:37,010 It turns out I'm not only good at ruining my own life, 1045 00:40:37,012 --> 00:40:40,279 I'm really good at... ruining other people's lives. 1046 00:40:40,281 --> 00:40:41,581 Oh. 1047 00:40:41,583 --> 00:40:42,749 I tried to help Valencia 1048 00:40:42,751 --> 00:40:44,929 with her new business and I just... 1049 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,919 I royally screwed up. 1050 00:40:46,921 --> 00:40:48,154 And she said she forgives me, 1051 00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:49,444 but... 1052 00:40:50,812 --> 00:40:53,926 she's had to forgive me so many times at this point. 1053 00:40:55,856 --> 00:40:57,230 I really am the worst. 1054 00:40:57,232 --> 00:40:59,265 What? No, you're not. You're no such thing. 1055 00:40:59,267 --> 00:41:00,800 You're actually one of my favorite people. 1056 00:41:00,981 --> 00:41:02,969 - Thank you. - Top five. 1057 00:41:02,971 --> 00:41:04,645 Oh, Darryl. 1058 00:41:05,540 --> 00:41:07,387 You always make me feel better. 1059 00:41:08,929 --> 00:41:11,730 The first second I came here, you've been so nice to me. 1060 00:41:12,603 --> 00:41:13,768 I'd do anything for you. 1061 00:41:13,793 --> 00:41:14,959 You know that, right? 1062 00:41:17,223 --> 00:41:18,751 Hey... 1063 00:41:18,753 --> 00:41:20,053 Wow, really? 1064 00:41:20,055 --> 00:41:22,555 You're donating an egg to Darryl? 1065 00:41:22,557 --> 00:41:25,324 That's... huge. 1066 00:41:25,326 --> 00:41:26,379 Is it, though? 1067 00:41:26,594 --> 00:41:28,061 They're just gonna pop out one of my eggies, 1068 00:41:28,063 --> 00:41:29,362 put it in someone else's oven, 1069 00:41:29,364 --> 00:41:30,797 someone else will raise it. 1070 00:41:30,799 --> 00:41:32,866 It's a lot easier than teaching a poor person to read. 1071 00:41:32,891 --> 00:41:34,300 I mean, I don't mean poor. Sorry. 1072 00:41:34,302 --> 00:41:36,369 - I mean dumb. - Right. 1073 00:41:36,371 --> 00:41:38,071 Rebecca, I-I know you want to help Darryl, 1074 00:41:38,073 --> 00:41:39,539 but how is this gonna affect your therapy? 1075 00:41:39,541 --> 00:41:41,774 Have you talked to Dr. Shin or your group? 1076 00:41:41,776 --> 00:41:43,543 And is now the time to be shooting up hormones? 1077 00:41:43,545 --> 00:41:45,745 I mean, your regular period is like the Northridge earthquake. 1078 00:41:46,383 --> 00:41:49,816 Lots of screaming and crying and broken dishes. 1079 00:41:49,818 --> 00:41:52,151 Paula, I hear your questions and concerns, 1080 00:41:52,454 --> 00:41:55,288 but I promise you, I have thought this through. 1081 00:41:55,290 --> 00:41:56,255 Have you, though? 1082 00:41:56,257 --> 00:41:57,457 No, not at all. 1083 00:41:57,482 --> 00:42:00,516 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com --