1
00:00:00,752 --> 00:00:02,718
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Hi.

2
00:00:02,787 --> 00:00:03,886
Max, how'd you sleep?

3
00:00:03,954 --> 00:00:06,355
Oh, I love crashing here!

4
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,431
This is just like college...

5
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,284
staying up too late,
passing out on the couch,

6
00:00:11,319 --> 00:00:13,238
mean Asian chick down the hall.

7
00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:14,559
Yeah. Where is Lily?

8
00:00:14,594 --> 00:00:16,315
I don't know. S-School, maybe?

9
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,035
- I'm right here.
- Oh.

10
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,503
We met Max in Amsterdam
on what we thought

11
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:24,372
was a tour of pottery cafes, so...

12
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,708
I don't remember much about it,
but I do remember thinking

13
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,010
he was the funniest person
I've ever met.

14
00:00:29,048 --> 00:00:30,982
And we told him
if he ever came into town,

15
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:34,785
that he had to stay with us.
And I-I-I'm so glad he said yes

16
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:37,106
because I remember
being really, uh, paranoid

17
00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:38,146
that he didn't like me.

18
00:00:39,099 --> 00:00:40,899
You two, get out of here.

19
00:00:40,968 --> 00:00:42,234
I'm gonna whip us up some breakfast.

20
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,735
Oh!

21
00:00:43,804 --> 00:00:45,037
Oof.

22
00:00:45,105 --> 00:00:47,906
Whoo! My head feels like the Hindenburg.

23
00:00:47,975 --> 00:00:50,676
Oh, come on!

24
00:00:50,744 --> 00:00:52,622
I feel like he was funnier in Europe.

25
00:00:52,647 --> 00:00:54,713
Yeah.

26
00:00:54,782 --> 00:00:56,248
Mitchell! Look!

27
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:58,183
Our crazy-expensive bottle of wine?

28
00:00:58,252 --> 00:01:00,619
I... uh, we were saving this for the
perfect occasion.

29
00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:04,389
Okay, well, he must've drank it
after we went to bed. Who does that?

30
00:01:04,458 --> 00:01:07,859
Just drinks somebody's most
expensive bottle of wine without asking?

31
00:01:07,928 --> 00:01:09,461
- Okay, it's a hate crime.
- How is it a hate crime?

32
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:10,896
Because I hate him.

33
00:01:10,965 --> 00:01:13,398
I ca... I can't
believe it's almost gone.

34
00:01:13,467 --> 00:01:15,867
Look, you know, I've only ever
considered opening that twice...

35
00:01:15,936 --> 00:01:17,169
once early
on election night

36
00:01:17,237 --> 00:01:18,971
and then when we thought
"La La Land" won Best Picture.

37
00:01:19,039 --> 00:01:21,306
- I know. It's been a rough year.
- MAX: Breakfast!

38
00:01:23,610 --> 00:01:25,310
No, no.

39
00:01:25,379 --> 00:01:26,379
Is that our caviar?

40
00:01:26,447 --> 00:01:29,514
Yeah! Lucky I found it.
It was hiding in the back of the fridge.

41
00:01:29,583 --> 00:01:31,049
For a special occasion.

42
00:01:31,118 --> 00:01:33,185
- Something wrong?
- Yeah... yeah.

43
00:01:33,253 --> 00:01:35,420
Uh, first you open up
our $400 bottle of wine,

44
00:01:35,489 --> 00:01:37,856
now it's our $200 tin of caviar.

45
00:01:37,925 --> 00:01:39,591
- We were saving those.
- For what?

46
00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:41,126
A celebration, like...

47
00:01:41,195 --> 00:01:42,627
What about when
"Moonlight" won the Oscar?

48
00:01:42,696 --> 00:01:44,663
Okay, it was a big moment
for the community, yes...

49
00:01:44,732 --> 00:01:47,599
Okay, you know what? Look.
I'm gonna go, okay?

50
00:01:47,668 --> 00:01:51,003
But, guys, don't defer enjoyment,

51
00:01:51,071 --> 00:01:53,538
'cause you never know when
you're gonna bite it.

52
00:01:53,607 --> 00:01:56,641
I say, make every night special.

53
00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:58,977
Okay, well, that's a...
that's a fun philosophy,

54
00:01:59,046 --> 00:02:00,312
but not everyone can follow that, okay?

55
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:02,114
'Cause... 'Cause we have
responsibilities.

56
00:02:02,182 --> 00:02:05,150
We have... We have budgets.
We have a daughter, you know.

57
00:02:05,219 --> 00:02:06,385
Where is our daughter?

58
00:02:06,453 --> 00:02:08,053
- I don't know. Backyard, maybe?
- Maybe.

59
00:02:15,472 --> 00:02:20,472
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

60
00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:25,370
Earl Chambers, my former business
partner-turned dumbass nemesis,

61
00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:27,372
bought the old horizontal wardrobe.

62
00:02:27,441 --> 00:02:30,075
For you closet non-pros,
that means he died.

63
00:02:30,144 --> 00:02:34,179
Then last week, I received
this urn and this note.

64
00:02:34,248 --> 00:02:38,283
"You know what to do with my ashes.
Follow the path."

65
00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:40,419
What the hell does that mean?

66
00:02:40,487 --> 00:02:43,121
You think you can drive me nuts,
but you can't.

67
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:45,657
He can't actually hear you
unless you open the lid.

68
00:02:45,726 --> 00:02:47,893
I still can't figure out
the meaning of "Follow the path!"

69
00:02:47,961 --> 00:02:49,361
I'm gonna need you to call Shirl

70
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,530
and find out why her father's
been torturing me.

71
00:02:51,598 --> 00:02:53,331
- You call her!
- That's not an option.

72
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,600
She's a greasy slimebucket,
just like her father,

73
00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:57,269
and for some reason,
she doesn't like me.

74
00:02:57,337 --> 00:02:59,504
Hmm... I'll see what I can do.

75
00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:08,413
Oh...

76
00:03:08,482 --> 00:03:10,415
Hey, Manny! What's up?

77
00:03:10,484 --> 00:03:11,917
I'm not here! Everything's fine!

78
00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:14,386
- Super-dupes.
- Okay, I'll... I'll... I'll talk.

79
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:17,289
Luke and I went to a sketchy
neighborhood for tacos last night,

80
00:03:17,357 --> 00:03:19,424
and he disappeared,
and I haven't seen him since.

81
00:03:19,493 --> 00:03:21,126
What? Where did you see him last?

82
00:03:21,195 --> 00:03:22,360
He went off with this girl.

83
00:03:22,379 --> 00:03:23,395
- With a girl?
- Yeah.

84
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,530
Manny.

85
00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:27,766
Let me tell you a little
something about Dunphy men.

86
00:03:27,835 --> 00:03:29,534
When we come into contact with a lady,

87
00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:31,236
we leave her with a burning sensation.

88
00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:32,704
Let me try that again.

89
00:03:32,773 --> 00:03:35,707
Um... when a Dunphy man
sees a sexy skirt,

90
00:03:35,776 --> 00:03:36,942
he's just gotta get in it.

91
00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:38,243
- No!
- I get the point.

92
00:03:38,312 --> 00:03:39,978
Look, I'm just glad you came to me...

93
00:03:40,047 --> 00:03:41,580
I didn't. You caught me here.

94
00:03:41,648 --> 00:03:43,949
...'cause I don't want Claire
freaking out about this.

95
00:03:44,017 --> 00:03:46,051
Luke's phone is going
straight to voicemail.

96
00:03:47,187 --> 00:03:49,054
Someone's got a sock
on the digital doorknob.

97
00:03:49,123 --> 00:03:51,289
I really think you should be
a little worried about this.

98
00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:52,557
Worried?!

99
00:03:52,626 --> 00:03:54,092
Let me tell you something
about Dunphy men.

100
00:03:54,161 --> 00:03:56,595
Phil, this was
a pretty rough neighborhood.

101
00:03:56,663 --> 00:03:58,897
Tell you what,
if it makes you feel better,

102
00:03:58,966 --> 00:04:00,465
we'll go down there
and look around for him.

103
00:04:00,534 --> 00:04:03,001
We're gonna need backup...
serious backup.

104
00:04:05,005 --> 00:04:06,605
Okay, be cool.

105
00:04:06,673 --> 00:04:08,206
I used to live in this neighborhood.

106
00:04:08,275 --> 00:04:10,542
If you act tough,
nobody will mess with you.

107
00:04:11,945 --> 00:04:12,945
MAN: Hey!

108
00:04:14,615 --> 00:04:15,714
Would you like to try

109
00:04:15,782 --> 00:04:17,949
a cruelty-free
alkaline-water snow cone?

110
00:04:18,018 --> 00:04:19,518
- What?
- Free sample.

111
00:04:19,586 --> 00:04:21,086
You can get a larger one
down at our stand.

112
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,287
We also refurbish tubas.

113
00:04:22,356 --> 00:04:23,855
No, thank you.

114
00:04:23,924 --> 00:04:25,624
What happened to my neighborhood?

115
00:04:25,692 --> 00:04:27,392
Have the best day.

116
00:04:28,428 --> 00:04:31,563
White people with beards...
they ruined everything.

117
00:04:31,632 --> 00:04:34,032
Why would you even say that
this place was dangerous?

118
00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:36,801
It was a lot scarier at dark.
There was jazz.

119
00:04:38,972 --> 00:04:40,338
Luke's still not answering.

120
00:04:40,407 --> 00:04:41,907
We're gonna find him, Phil.

121
00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:43,675
Oh, I-I'm not worried. I've been there.

122
00:04:43,744 --> 00:04:45,877
Meet a girl, you lose track
of place and time,

123
00:04:45,946 --> 00:04:47,546
not just 'cause your
compass watch is missing,

124
00:04:47,614 --> 00:04:49,514
and suddenly her cousin Rodney
has the exact same watch

125
00:04:49,583 --> 00:04:50,815
but swears it was always his.

126
00:04:50,884 --> 00:04:53,185
Oh, look! Mario's Bodyshop.

127
00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:55,720
At least one thing is still the same.

128
00:04:55,791 --> 00:04:57,491
There's nothing that happens
in this street

129
00:04:57,559 --> 00:04:59,159
that Mario doesn't know about.

130
00:04:59,228 --> 00:05:00,528
Let's go over there.

131
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:04,767
So, red lights are flashing,
alarms are blaring.

132
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:08,204
We're about 10 seconds
from a meltdown so hot

133
00:05:08,272 --> 00:05:11,140
it's gonna turn Belgium
into a pool of hot chocolate.

134
00:05:11,209 --> 00:05:12,842
And I suddenly realize,

135
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:15,478
they haven't properly accounted
for the relativistic distort...

136
00:05:15,546 --> 00:05:16,912
Hey, what's this building's number?

137
00:05:16,981 --> 00:05:18,747
- I'm trying to Postmates a smoothie.
- Shh!

138
00:05:18,765 --> 00:05:22,667
I quickly do a few multi-dimensional
tensor calculations in my head,

139
00:05:22,736 --> 00:05:26,804
I push this crying guard to one side
and adjust the synchrotron.

140
00:05:27,181 --> 00:05:29,214
I look up at the countdown clock.

141
00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:30,416
5...

142
00:05:30,484 --> 00:05:31,617
4...

143
00:05:35,156 --> 00:05:37,990
You, with the phone!

144
00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:39,958
- What's your name?
- Alex Dunphy.

145
00:05:40,027 --> 00:05:42,461
Ms. Dunphy, is my story
of saving the world

146
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:46,798
whilst accidently creating
three new elements boring you?

147
00:05:46,808 --> 00:05:49,208
Uh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm so sorry, Professor.

148
00:05:49,277 --> 00:05:50,810
Nothing you could say
would ever bore me.

149
00:05:50,879 --> 00:05:52,045
I revere you.

150
00:05:52,113 --> 00:05:54,113
I actually went as you
last year for Halloween.

151
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,849
Okay, it's my phone.
Don't blame my sister.

152
00:05:56,918 --> 00:05:59,585
Hey, Chelsea.
Gonna have to call you back.

153
00:05:59,654 --> 00:06:02,121
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up!

154
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,123
Excuse me, Chelsea's friend.

155
00:06:04,192 --> 00:06:06,092
Y-You don't look like
one of my students.

156
00:06:06,161 --> 00:06:08,628
Oh, thank you! That is so sweet.

157
00:06:08,697 --> 00:06:10,396
No. Why are you here?

158
00:06:10,465 --> 00:06:12,265
Oh, I have a really big
job interview today,

159
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:14,367
and I need someone
to look over what I wrote for my...

160
00:06:14,436 --> 00:06:16,703
Yeah, we're going.
I'm taking her out. I am so sorry.

161
00:06:16,771 --> 00:06:19,541
What? He asked. You're being rude.

162
00:06:19,808 --> 00:06:20,808
Ohh!

163
00:06:20,875 --> 00:06:22,875
Ooh.

164
00:06:22,944 --> 00:06:24,444
- Very revealing.
- Get out.

165
00:06:25,974 --> 00:06:27,543
Claire, I'm so glad
you called.

166
00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:29,106
How come we've never
done this before?

167
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:30,464
Because we were born
into a feud.

168
00:06:30,584 --> 00:06:32,794
Hatfields and McCoys,
the Sharks and Jets,

169
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:36,072
the... the closet lunatic
and the closet idiot.

170
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,513
By the way, I'm really
sorry about your dad.

171
00:06:38,538 --> 00:06:39,563
Thanks.

172
00:06:39,632 --> 00:06:42,486
Do you have any idea why he
had his ashes sent to my dad?

173
00:06:42,521 --> 00:06:44,803
- Probably to drive him bonkers.
- Well, it's working.

174
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,137
That would've made him happy.

175
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:49,451
Let's make a pact...
to never be like them.

176
00:06:49,486 --> 00:06:50,777
- I am in.
- Mm-hmm.

177
00:06:50,812 --> 00:06:52,928
We are two women in
a male-dominated industry.

178
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:54,351
We should help each other.

179
00:06:54,386 --> 00:06:58,002
Actually, do you have any sources
for antique pineapple knobs?

180
00:06:58,037 --> 00:06:59,816
We're doing this whole colonial line...

181
00:06:59,851 --> 00:07:02,215
Ooh, I bet you Lazlo would know.
He's our lead designer.

182
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:04,929
Everybody knows who Lazlo is.
He's a legend.

183
00:07:04,964 --> 00:07:06,837
Yeah, and my only employee worth a damn.

184
00:07:06,872 --> 00:07:08,922
Robot workers. Now, that's the future.

185
00:07:08,957 --> 00:07:10,743
Right! They work 24/7,

186
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,766
and you don't have to
buy them a birthday cake.

187
00:07:12,801 --> 00:07:14,235
Yeah, and as they become more human,

188
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,266
you can be like, "Hey, you,
come into my office",

189
00:07:16,301 --> 00:07:18,948
- and then you just go to town on them.
- Yeah.

190
00:07:20,412 --> 00:07:22,813
What the hell?

191
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,581
What happened to the bodyshop?

192
00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:25,982
Oh, we just kept the sign.

193
00:07:26,051 --> 00:07:28,218
Oh, uh, so... so no M-Mario?

194
00:07:28,287 --> 00:07:30,520
Mnh-mnh. We're an artist collective.

195
00:07:30,589 --> 00:07:31,888
Jillian works in yarn,

196
00:07:31,957 --> 00:07:35,592
Mumford sculpts with Lego,
Duncan is a painter.

197
00:07:35,661 --> 00:07:36,661
May I write you a poem?

198
00:07:36,728 --> 00:07:39,429
- Are you kidding me?
- I told you it was a career.

199
00:07:39,511 --> 00:07:42,979
Um, any chance that
you have, uh, seen my son?

200
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,280
No, I'm sorry.

201
00:07:44,349 --> 00:07:46,315
Oh, okay. He... He was
around here last night.

202
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:48,342
He apparently wentoff with a girl
from this neighborhood.

203
00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,877
We just haven't been able
to reach him since.

204
00:07:49,945 --> 00:07:53,013
- Do you know the girl's name?
- No. Uh, something Latin-y.

205
00:07:53,082 --> 00:07:56,049
What happened to you?
You used to be Latin-y.

206
00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:59,652
- Can you describe her?
- Brown hair, high cheekbones...

207
00:07:59,732 --> 00:08:03,100
What is he gonna do,
build her out of Legos?

208
00:08:04,570 --> 00:08:07,471
Huh, that is surprisingly effective.

209
00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:09,540
Wait a minute. I know that girl.

210
00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:11,442
I think she works at a cupcake shop.

211
00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:13,043
Great. Where is it?

212
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,000
Well, I'm not sure which one
because we have four.

213
00:08:15,069 --> 00:08:17,069
There's Cupcakes! with
an exclamation point,

214
00:08:17,137 --> 00:08:18,870
there's vegan cupcakes at Cupfakes,

215
00:08:18,939 --> 00:08:20,872
there's Pupcakes,
which sells cupcakes for dogs,

216
00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:22,876
and then there's Rick's VCR Repair.

217
00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:25,072
Oh, they make the best cupcakes.

218
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:27,377
Stupid Max, forcing us to eat our caviar

219
00:08:27,446 --> 00:08:29,212
on a regular Friday morning.

220
00:08:29,281 --> 00:08:30,847
I can't even enjoy
the symphony of flavors,

221
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:32,882
or the... or the way
that it melts in my mouth.

222
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:35,051
Why don't you just wash it down
with whatever wine's left.

223
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,120
Yeah, why don't I.

224
00:08:36,188 --> 00:08:37,353
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

225
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:40,622
Mmm, and, of course, you know what?

226
00:08:40,691 --> 00:08:42,123
It pairs perfectly.

227
00:08:42,192 --> 00:08:45,427
I-I cannot believe I'm having one of the
best meals of my life

228
00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:46,795
and we're not even celebrating anything.

229
00:08:46,863 --> 00:08:47,996
Yeah, thanks, Max!

230
00:08:48,065 --> 00:08:49,631
- Thank you, Max.
- Thank you, Max.

231
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:51,901
Mmm...

232
00:08:54,137 --> 00:08:56,071
Cam, is it... is it... is it possible

233
00:08:56,139 --> 00:08:57,806
that we're actually enjoying ourselves

234
00:08:57,874 --> 00:08:59,540
and... and that Max was right?

235
00:08:59,584 --> 00:09:01,050
Maybe we do defer enjoyment.

236
00:09:01,119 --> 00:09:03,019
All those unspent frequent flyer miles,

237
00:09:03,088 --> 00:09:04,654
the boots that
I have waited so long to wear

238
00:09:04,722 --> 00:09:05,988
that they're no longer in style,

239
00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:08,057
the... the... the surfboards

240
00:09:08,159 --> 00:09:09,849
that we've never used because it just

241
00:09:09,874 --> 00:09:11,494
"had to be the perfect beach day".

242
00:09:13,098 --> 00:09:14,464
What are you doing?

243
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:16,212
- Mitchell...
- I'm lighting it.

244
00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:17,800
- No!
- I'm lighting it!

245
00:09:17,835 --> 00:09:19,235
No, that is our
monogrammed wedding candle,

246
00:09:19,304 --> 00:09:20,603
and we're supposed to save it.

247
00:09:20,672 --> 00:09:22,705
For what, Cam?

248
00:09:22,774 --> 00:09:24,107
- I don't know!
- You don't know.

249
00:09:24,175 --> 00:09:25,675
- I don't.
- You don't know.

250
00:09:25,744 --> 00:09:28,211
Ohh... look at it.

251
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,579
Smells like eternal love.

252
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,268
- Aww...oh.
- O-kay.

253
00:09:35,031 --> 00:09:36,880
Why are you always in my office?

254
00:09:36,949 --> 00:09:38,815
I do my best work in here.

255
00:09:38,884 --> 00:09:40,917
I've been trying to get into his head.

256
00:09:40,986 --> 00:09:42,586
I even brought his favorite lunch...

257
00:09:42,655 --> 00:09:44,687
shrimp cocktail and bourbon.

258
00:09:44,722 --> 00:09:46,789
Or that's just what you have for
lunch every day.

259
00:09:46,824 --> 00:09:48,328
That's another thing Earl stole from me!

260
00:09:48,363 --> 00:09:49,764
What did you find out?

261
00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:52,328
First of all, Shirl doesn't
know anything about the ashes.

262
00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:54,676
And second, we're not gonna be
a part of your little feud anymore.

263
00:09:54,745 --> 00:09:56,845
- We're gonna be friends.
- She's playing you!

264
00:09:56,914 --> 00:09:58,480
- No...
- Let me ask you a question.

265
00:09:58,549 --> 00:10:01,185
Did you tell her we're
bidding on Belmont Gardens?

266
00:10:01,210 --> 00:10:02,270
No. Why?

267
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:04,219
Because 15 minutes ago,
I got a phone call

268
00:10:04,288 --> 00:10:06,470
saying just out of the blue,

269
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:09,557
Closets Closets Closets Closets
is bidding against us.

270
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,451
Did she see your proposal?

271
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,481
Yes, Dad! I'm quite sure

272
00:10:13,516 --> 00:10:15,566
she rifled through my bag
when I was in the bathroom.

273
00:10:15,601 --> 00:10:17,744
You went to the bathroom? Why don't
you just give her the company?!

274
00:10:17,769 --> 00:10:18,941
Oh, God.

275
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,625
- Bingo! Ketchup!
- What does that prove?

276
00:10:22,694 --> 00:10:25,328
- Did she have ketchup for lunch?
- She had... French fries.

277
00:10:25,397 --> 00:10:26,863
There's your smoking gun.

278
00:10:26,932 --> 00:10:30,544
Margaret? I'm gonna need fries
and ketchup to get in Shirl's head.

279
00:10:30,579 --> 00:10:31,915
No! No, Shirl wouldn't have done this.

280
00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:33,075
Um, bad news.

281
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,404
Uh, we finally tracked down
those pineapple knobs,

282
00:10:35,475 --> 00:10:37,215
but they were all
just bought up by Closets...

283
00:10:37,244 --> 00:10:38,244
- No.
- ...Closets...

284
00:10:38,311 --> 00:10:40,911
- No, Margaret!
- ...Closets Closets.

285
00:10:42,282 --> 00:10:43,881
Shirl screwed me.

286
00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:45,350
You know what you have to do?

287
00:10:45,418 --> 00:10:46,651
You've got to hit her where it hurts.

288
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,921
- What does she value most?
- Lazlo.

289
00:10:50,478 --> 00:10:53,645
I don't think you understand
how humiliating that was for me.

290
00:10:53,714 --> 00:10:55,848
There are parts of me
that will never uncringe.

291
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:59,251
Oh, my God!
So I interrupted some boring story.

292
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,488
Dr. Arvin Fennerman
is a two-time Vanderkoff Grant winner...

293
00:11:02,556 --> 00:11:04,523
one for philosophy
and one for geometry.

294
00:11:04,592 --> 00:11:05,809
You can't put him into a box because...

295
00:11:05,834 --> 00:11:07,364
Could you please just read my sample?

296
00:11:07,399 --> 00:11:11,116
This job is important to me.
This is my one shot at a real career.

297
00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:12,731
Fine, I'll read it. And "real career"?

298
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,090
I've seen
this NERP business.

299
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,008
Nicole Rosemary Page seems bonkers.

300
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,936
Didn't she get in trouble
for cannibalism?

301
00:11:18,971 --> 00:11:21,544
No. Turns out there are no laws against

302
00:11:21,579 --> 00:11:24,923
eating your own appendix,
and it does help with fine lines.

303
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:28,496
But she's a success story.
Child star, Bond girl,

304
00:11:28,499 --> 00:11:31,257
indie darling before she lost all her
money to a Fonzie scheme.

305
00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:33,887
- Don't you mean Ponzi scheme?
- Sadly, no.

306
00:11:33,922 --> 00:11:36,437
So, out of desperation,
she invented NERP,

307
00:11:36,472 --> 00:11:38,697
and next thing you know... boom! Empire.

308
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,187
I just want to be
a part of something great.

309
00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:43,149
Well, if I'm being honest, your
writing sample's actually pretty good.

310
00:11:43,205 --> 00:11:44,371
Really?! Thank you.

311
00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:45,805
Oh, my God. It's Dr. Fennerman.

312
00:11:45,874 --> 00:11:47,512
Don't think, don't breathe,
keep your head down.

313
00:11:47,537 --> 00:11:48,537
O-kay.

314
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,346
Hello.

315
00:11:53,415 --> 00:11:54,881
Sorry! Hello, Doctor.

316
00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:57,484
- Would you like down sit?
- What?

317
00:11:57,552 --> 00:11:59,719
Kind, that's very you of, Alex.

318
00:12:01,257 --> 00:12:03,758
Um... tell me again,
why were you in my class?

319
00:12:03,826 --> 00:12:05,326
I have a very big interview

320
00:12:05,394 --> 00:12:07,128
with Nicole Rosemary Page,
and she was just...

321
00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:08,996
Ugh! You know she's a snake oil
salesman, right?

322
00:12:09,065 --> 00:12:10,331
Yes, I know.

323
00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:11,999
People complain about
the diarrhea all the time,

324
00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:13,033
but that is the point.

325
00:12:13,102 --> 00:12:15,369
Her science is utter nonsense.

326
00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:17,359
I mean, space stickers
that give you energy,

327
00:12:17,428 --> 00:12:21,263
and crystals that absorb Wi-Fi,
and seriously... $1,200 socks?

328
00:12:21,332 --> 00:12:22,731
Those sheep eat nothing but sushi.

329
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,500
- Are we done here?
- Surprisingly, not.

330
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:28,003
This might sound crazy, but...

331
00:12:28,072 --> 00:12:30,201
- I'm going to marry you.
- What?!

332
00:12:30,226 --> 00:12:33,007
I'm sorry, first time
talking to a real girl?

333
00:12:33,065 --> 00:12:35,299
No, l-l-listen. I-I-I don't get it.

334
00:12:35,367 --> 00:12:38,836
Uh, frankly, it boggles the mind,
but I've been running

335
00:12:38,904 --> 00:12:42,272
dozens of probability scenarios
in my head since we met,

336
00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:44,742
and... and they all end with us...

337
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,310
... together.

338
00:12:46,378 --> 00:12:48,678
I have heard some lame
pickup lines in my day, but...

339
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:49,975
Oh, I have plenty of those.

340
00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:51,743
Um, are you a neuro-electrical current

341
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,046
because you've been running
through my mind all day?

342
00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:55,314
But th-th-that's not what this is.

343
00:12:55,382 --> 00:12:57,583
This is going to happen, Haley Dunphy.

344
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,885
- Ew, how do you know my name?
- I know everything.

345
00:12:59,954 --> 00:13:01,853
Also, your pass has
your name written on it.

346
00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:03,288
I think I'm gonna pass out.

347
00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:06,892
Right, I've just air-dropped
my contact info to your phone.

348
00:13:06,961 --> 00:13:09,394
Um, you just tap to accept it.

349
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:12,018
Uh, yeah, not gonna... tap that.

350
00:13:12,087 --> 00:13:13,320
I think you will.

351
00:13:14,256 --> 00:13:18,258
Haley, there are forces in the universe
that we don't understand...

352
00:13:18,327 --> 00:13:21,761
measurable forces that...
can't be explained,

353
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:24,998
but cannot be denied...

354
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,900
and that's... that's what this is.

355
00:13:28,036 --> 00:13:31,137
I don't get it, but...
I know that it's real.

356
00:13:32,841 --> 00:13:34,841
Wow!

357
00:13:34,910 --> 00:13:36,476
That was so dumb!

358
00:13:36,545 --> 00:13:37,811
What? No, it wasn't.

359
00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:39,079
You're... You're dumb.

360
00:13:39,147 --> 00:13:41,548
That's gonna stick.
I'm... I'm in your head.

361
00:13:41,617 --> 00:13:42,749
- Okay.
- You'll see.

362
00:13:42,818 --> 00:13:44,484
Sure, buddy. Now try and walk away cool.

363
00:13:44,553 --> 00:13:46,019
- Oh, I will.
- Okay.

364
00:13:49,889 --> 00:13:51,155
We were standing right here making out.

365
00:13:51,224 --> 00:13:53,054
All of a sudden, he said,
"I'll be right back",

366
00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:55,463
and that was the last I saw of him.

367
00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:57,455
You guys, my break is over,
but I hope you find him.

368
00:13:57,524 --> 00:13:58,823
Thank you for your help,

369
00:13:58,892 --> 00:14:01,192
and the cupcakes are delicious,
by the way.

370
00:14:01,261 --> 00:14:03,094
- Those are for dogs.
- Oh, no.

371
00:14:03,163 --> 00:14:05,030
Ay, Phil, are you okay?

372
00:14:05,098 --> 00:14:06,398
Yeah, yeah.

373
00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:08,633
I'm sure there's a perfectly
reasonable explanation

374
00:14:08,702 --> 00:14:11,236
why Luke would abandon
a make-out session.

375
00:14:11,304 --> 00:14:14,739
No, there isn't.
A Dunphy man would never do that.

376
00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:17,492
We walk away from fights,
we walk away from spiders,

377
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:20,194
but never a super-cute girl
who smells like frosting!

378
00:14:20,263 --> 00:14:21,529
You have to stay positive.

379
00:14:21,598 --> 00:14:24,932
Nothing bad ever happens
this close to a Pottery Barn.

380
00:14:24,966 --> 00:14:27,399
I've been putting on a brave face
to squash the darkness inside of me,

381
00:14:27,468 --> 00:14:29,702
but what if the worst has happened?
How will I tell Claire? I won't.

382
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,770
I'll have to smother her with a pillow
to spare her the pain,

383
00:14:31,839 --> 00:14:34,206
but then Jay will have lost a
daughter. I'll have to smother him, too.

384
00:14:34,275 --> 00:14:36,175
That's two pillows from the
same set. It's a pattern.

385
00:14:36,244 --> 00:14:38,911
- The police are after me!
- Get ahold of yourself!

386
00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:40,779
- Ay!
- Ow! What the hell?

387
00:14:40,893 --> 00:14:43,093
It wasn't me. Look, I'm still cocked!

388
00:14:43,162 --> 00:14:44,594
It was a shoe.

389
00:14:44,663 --> 00:14:46,163
Wait, that's...

390
00:14:46,231 --> 00:14:48,065
that's Luke's.

391
00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:49,399
LUKE: Hey!

392
00:14:49,468 --> 00:14:51,868
Luke! You're okay!

393
00:14:51,937 --> 00:14:53,837
I got stuck on the roof.

394
00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:55,505
I'm so relieved!

395
00:14:55,574 --> 00:14:57,707
I don't have to kill your mother!

396
00:14:58,811 --> 00:15:00,343
Turns out,
Luke had to go to the bathroom.

397
00:15:00,412 --> 00:15:01,678
Someone told him it was upstairs,

398
00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:03,080
so he walked all the way up to the roof

399
00:15:03,148 --> 00:15:04,614
and locked himself out.

400
00:15:04,683 --> 00:15:06,483
His phone was dead,
and he... he lost his voice

401
00:15:06,552 --> 00:15:08,919
trying to scream over
the street musicians.

402
00:15:08,987 --> 00:15:11,922
I was so relieved, I ran up there and
gave him a big kiss.

403
00:15:12,664 --> 00:15:14,598
PHIL: Gloria!

404
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:16,399
Hi. We're stuck.

405
00:15:16,468 --> 00:15:19,102
Could you pop on up and open the door?

406
00:15:19,171 --> 00:15:20,837
Dunphy men.

407
00:15:24,543 --> 00:15:26,176
Hello, Lazlo.

408
00:15:26,245 --> 00:15:29,612
- It's pronounced "Lazlo".
- That's what I said.

409
00:15:29,757 --> 00:15:31,457
Thank you so much for meeting with us.

410
00:15:31,525 --> 00:15:33,125
Have you had a chance
to consider our offer

411
00:15:33,194 --> 00:15:34,326
to join Pritchett's Closets?

412
00:15:34,395 --> 00:15:36,829
I'm intrigued,
but I have a list of demands.

413
00:15:36,897 --> 00:15:39,498
Ah, yes, of course.

414
00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:40,833
We have, uh...

415
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:43,102
...uh, "Two turquoise bowls
of white Chiclets,

416
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,404
an empty office
with a drain in the floor..."

417
00:15:45,473 --> 00:15:47,773
- What's a "scream room"?
- I think that's self-explanatory.

418
00:15:47,842 --> 00:15:49,208
- Hmm.
- SHIRL: Pritchett!

419
00:15:49,276 --> 00:15:50,509
Girl Earl!

420
00:15:50,578 --> 00:15:54,446
You're actually trying
to poach Lazlo from me?

421
00:15:54,589 --> 00:15:55,955
I thought we were friends.

422
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:58,157
We were, and then you bought
all my pineapple knobs.

423
00:15:58,226 --> 00:15:59,859
- As a gift!
- What?

424
00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:01,427
- I had them sent to you.
- You did?

425
00:16:01,495 --> 00:16:04,830
Don't listen to her.
This is all part of some sick plan.

426
00:16:04,846 --> 00:16:08,647
Stealing Claire's proposals,
Earl's urn to get in my head.

427
00:16:08,716 --> 00:16:10,516
But your little games
are not gonna work.

428
00:16:10,585 --> 00:16:12,084
Yeah. Yeah, how do you explain

429
00:16:12,153 --> 00:16:14,720
the red ketchup stains
on my proposal, French Fries?

430
00:16:14,789 --> 00:16:16,422
I never use ketchup.

431
00:16:16,491 --> 00:16:18,958
I like my fries the way
I like my Lazlo...

432
00:16:19,026 --> 00:16:20,860
undressed.

433
00:16:20,928 --> 00:16:22,747
Twiddle-Dee.

434
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,105
You guys have a really
complicated relationship.

435
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:27,229
And what's that red stain?

436
00:16:31,005 --> 00:16:32,438
Shrimp cocktail sauce, uh-oh.

437
00:16:32,506 --> 00:16:33,606
Dad!

438
00:16:33,674 --> 00:16:34,807
- Shirl...
- Save it.

439
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:37,142
We could have been friends.
Well, forget it.

440
00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,844
Game on.

441
00:16:39,747 --> 00:16:40,980
Shirl...

442
00:16:41,048 --> 00:16:42,448
What is she up to?

443
00:16:42,516 --> 00:16:46,022
No, no. Your crazy conspiracy theories
just cost me a friend.

444
00:16:46,057 --> 00:16:48,921
I thought I'd finally found
an... an ally in this industry,

445
00:16:48,956 --> 00:16:51,712
somebody to... to climb the hill with.

446
00:16:51,747 --> 00:16:54,644
Up the hill! Oh, my God! That's it!

447
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:57,334
No, no, you do not get to have an
epiphany right now!

448
00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:59,058
I am furious at you!

449
00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:01,760
The answer is...yes.

450
00:17:02,617 --> 00:17:04,357
People say that NERP

451
00:17:04,426 --> 00:17:05,792
is nothing more than a con job,

452
00:17:05,861 --> 00:17:08,695
a cash-grab vanity project
from a kooky actress.

453
00:17:08,764 --> 00:17:09,996
Ugh.

454
00:17:10,065 --> 00:17:12,051
Oh, I'm sorry. Was that a question?

455
00:17:12,086 --> 00:17:13,184
- No.
- Oh, okay.

456
00:17:13,219 --> 00:17:14,219
But...

457
00:17:14,306 --> 00:17:15,659
is it true?

458
00:17:15,694 --> 00:17:18,071
- They don't tell me things.
- Who's "they"?

459
00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:21,721
See, I don't see NERP
as, like, a business.

460
00:17:21,789 --> 00:17:24,390
- It's more, like, a kind of...
- Like a way of life! Me too!

461
00:17:24,459 --> 00:17:27,951
Walt Disney once... envisioned...

462
00:17:27,986 --> 00:17:29,554
a magical world...

463
00:17:29,564 --> 00:17:31,764
...and people told him he was mad.

464
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:33,666
They called it "Walt's Folly."

465
00:17:33,735 --> 00:17:36,537
- But you know what that place became?
- Disneyland.

466
00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:39,531
- That was not a question.
- Oh, I... I'm sorry.

467
00:17:41,990 --> 00:17:44,723
That place is Disneyland.

468
00:17:44,758 --> 00:17:47,613
What?! That's crazy.
Didn't see it coming.

469
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,133
I want to turn NERP

470
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,670
into the next
Disney-Facebook-Tesla-Botox.

471
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:56,140
It's a world changer.
It's a road map to the future.

472
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,078
- That was a question!
- Oh...uh...uh...

473
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:02,780
Alright, listen.

474
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:05,950
I really liked
your writing sample, it's true.

475
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,219
But...

476
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,288
...we have a lot of candidates

477
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:13,858
with more experience
and famous-er parents, so...

478
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,126
fly away, little birdie.

479
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,845
Flap. Flap, flap.

480
00:18:22,816 --> 00:18:24,115
Okay, thank you.

481
00:18:26,953 --> 00:18:28,753
Nicole?

482
00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:30,955
You and me... this is gonna happen.

483
00:18:31,024 --> 00:18:32,356
Excuse me?

484
00:18:32,425 --> 00:18:35,293
There are forces in the universe that
we don't understand.

485
00:18:35,361 --> 00:18:37,695
They can't be explained,
but they cannot be denied,

486
00:18:37,764 --> 00:18:39,363
and that is what this is.

487
00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:42,767
I don't... I don't get it,
but I know that it's real.

488
00:18:42,836 --> 00:18:44,302
Oh, my God!

489
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,273
That is just what I said
to all of those haters

490
00:18:47,308 --> 00:18:49,825
who told me that
my crystal energy stickers

491
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:51,354
did not improve your colon health.

492
00:18:51,389 --> 00:18:52,539
- Uh!
- Crazy.

493
00:18:52,574 --> 00:18:54,245
- They do if you, you know...
- Yeah.

494
00:18:54,314 --> 00:18:57,681
So, um, does that mean that I will see
you Monday morning?

495
00:18:57,732 --> 00:18:58,898
Let's make it Tuesday

496
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:01,167
'cause I like to spend
Mondays in a flotation tank.

497
00:19:03,371 --> 00:19:06,906
JAY: As young men, we'd hike this
path up to an old oak tree,

498
00:19:06,975 --> 00:19:09,809
where we'd brainstorm how
to conquer the closet universe.

499
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:13,113
We foolishly thought that
we knew everything back then.

500
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:16,382
But hopefully, I've learned
a few things through the years.

501
00:19:19,121 --> 00:19:23,423
Like, live today as if
there's no tomorrow...

502
00:19:23,492 --> 00:19:26,593
that it's not
too late to right past wrongs,

503
00:19:26,661 --> 00:19:30,129
and when things are
looking down, look up...

504
00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:34,100
...or take chances you never
imagined you would.

505
00:19:36,465 --> 00:19:37,715
_

506
00:19:41,042 --> 00:19:45,278
"You stupid softy, I knew you'd do it.

507
00:19:45,347 --> 00:19:47,914
Did you try to do something special?

508
00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:50,083
Was it at sunset?

509
00:19:50,152 --> 00:19:52,118
It was at sunset, wasn't it?

510
00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:56,289
Sucker. I win.

511
00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:58,124
See you in hell."

512
00:20:00,595 --> 00:20:02,695
I look forward to that.

513
00:20:16,738 --> 00:20:17,753
- Whoo!
- Whoo!

514
00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:20,050
- Whoo!
- Ohh, this is amazing!

515
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,007
I know! We should have
done this years ago.

516
00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:23,633
Whoa. I'm a little cold.
Are you a little cold?

517
00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:25,474
Yeah, the parts of
me that I can still feel sure are.

518
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:27,806
Oh, look at those suckers
on their way home from work.

519
00:20:28,109 --> 00:20:29,920
Enjoy the rat race!

520
00:20:29,945 --> 00:20:32,378
- Don't forget to pay your taxes!
- Yeah!

521
00:20:32,403 --> 00:20:36,105
Hey, did you see the story
about that, um, dinosaur fish?

522
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:39,204
It said it had the head of...
a head of a snake or something.

523
00:20:39,229 --> 00:20:40,582
- Yeah, 16 rows of teeth, uh-huh.
- Yeah.

524
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:44,700
Hey, do you think that we look like
seals from underneath?

525
00:20:44,725 --> 00:20:47,156
- Mitchell, w-what are we doing?
- What are we...

526
00:20:47,181 --> 00:20:49,948
We're living our lives,
is what we're doing.

527
00:20:49,973 --> 00:20:54,194
Yeah, but I, uh, I'm just asking,
but was imagining it more fun?

528
00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:55,451
Well, it was warmer.

529
00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:58,291
You know, I like
looking forward to things.

530
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,464
Carly Simon's big hit
was "Anticipation",

531
00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:02,611
not "Remember That Cool Thing We Did".

532
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,129
Hey, I have an idea. L-Let's go back,

533
00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:06,926
we'll buy a bottle of
wine that we'll never open

534
00:21:06,951 --> 00:21:08,336
and a candle that we'll never light,

535
00:21:08,361 --> 00:21:10,320
- call it a day, huh?
- That sounds wonderful.

536
00:21:10,345 --> 00:21:12,502
- Okay, but stop touching my feet.
- I didn't touch you.

537
00:21:12,527 --> 00:21:15,303
- I didn't touch you.
- You didn't...

538
00:21:15,328 --> 00:21:17,669
- Dinosaur fish! Dinosaur fish!
- Dinosaur fish! Dinosaur fish!

539
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:21,138
Mitchell!
Mitchell, do not leave me alone!

540
00:21:21,163 --> 00:21:26,163
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com