1
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Aah!

2
00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:25,103
D'oh!

3
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Is she gonna be okay, Doc?

4
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She's just fine.

5
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- And here's the baby.
- Oh...

6
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I know how to hold one of these.

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D'oh!

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- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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00:00:51,532 --> 00:00:53,265
You're watching The Learning Network,

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00:00:53,334 --> 00:00:54,466
where minds grow.

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Stay tuned for...

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Apocalypse Week,

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Ebola Meteor,

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Nukes of Hazard,

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Jesus Christ Superstorm,

16
00:01:03,059 --> 00:01:07,013
But first... Nostradamus: The
man who saw the future.

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00:01:09,064 --> 00:01:12,365
The following film, made in 1982,

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was thought to be lost forever.

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Actually, it was misplaced in a box

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for the comedy Doctor Detroit.

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But its predictions are
more terrifying than ever.

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Hello, I'm Orson... Welles,

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director of Citizen Kane...

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Boring.

25
00:01:28,517 --> 00:01:30,283
as well as the lower left-hand square

26
00:01:30,352 --> 00:01:31,618
on Hollywood Squares.

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Ooh, right next to Ruth Buzzi.

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In 1555, the prophet Nostradamus

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foretold a terrifying series
of predictions,

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all of which came to pass.

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First, his own death. Second,

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large wars in Europe,
similar to the large wars

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he observed in Europe.

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And the breakup of Fleetwood Mac.

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But Nostradamus's
final quatrain contained

36
00:01:55,877 --> 00:01:58,812
one more prediction yet to come:

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00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,415
that shortly after the
Antichrist becomes president...

38
00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:06,893
A Flaming mushroom
spreads across the sky.

39
00:02:08,357 --> 00:02:09,990
This champagne is terrible.

40
00:02:10,058 --> 00:02:12,092
It tastes like dryer sheets.

41
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,161
But what does said mushroom signify?

42
00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:18,765
Nothing less than World War III.

43
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Ugh, who'd fall for this malarkey?

44
00:02:21,370 --> 00:02:23,336
Smithers, I'm scared.

45
00:02:23,405 --> 00:02:25,839
Release the comforting hounds.

46
00:02:27,342 --> 00:02:29,109
Oh, excellent. Now, make them into rugs.

47
00:02:30,579 --> 00:02:34,614
Anyone left alive will surely
find themselves envying...

48
00:02:34,683 --> 00:02:36,683
Who? Who could we possibly envy?

49
00:02:36,718 --> 00:02:38,685
- the dead.
- Aah!

50
00:02:38,754 --> 00:02:40,854
Smithers, the end is nigh,
and we must prepare.

51
00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:43,256
Round up this town's greatest minds.

52
00:02:43,325 --> 00:02:44,958
- Should I order pizza?
- Uh-huh.

53
00:02:45,027 --> 00:02:47,027
One large cheese, double-cut.

54
00:02:50,932 --> 00:02:52,298
Attention, fellow members
_

55
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:54,934
of the Springfield chapter of Mensa.
_

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Mr. Burns has called us here

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to solve an unknown problem
of global importance.

58
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But first, Tri-Ominoes!

59
00:03:04,146 --> 00:03:06,179
I say we write and solve
our own acrostics.

60
00:03:06,248 --> 00:03:08,181
Yes, after we recite all the words

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00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,883
in the Declaration of Independence

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00:03:09,951 --> 00:03:11,451
in alphabetical order.

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00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,854
A, A, A, A, A, A.

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00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:18,558
Abdicated. Abolish. Abolishing.

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Absolute. Absolved.

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00:03:20,295 --> 00:03:22,062
Silence, you thinkertons.

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I summoned you here because
the world is about to end.

68
00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:26,633
No, it isn't. What are you afraid of?

69
00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:28,835
Global warming?

70
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,871
A.I.? Some sort of plague?

71
00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:37,410
As smarty-pantalones,
I am asking you to help with

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00:03:37,479 --> 00:03:39,846
the Montgomery Burns Doomsday Ark.

73
00:03:39,881 --> 00:03:42,382
This space vehicle will lead
humanity's best and brightest

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00:03:42,451 --> 00:03:45,585
to a better life under my stern rule.

75
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Oh, gee heavens.

76
00:03:47,823 --> 00:03:50,256
Will there be someone for
your more personal needs?

77
00:03:50,292 --> 00:03:52,926
Concubines. Many concubines.

78
00:03:52,994 --> 00:03:54,294
I'll work my way in.

79
00:03:54,362 --> 00:03:56,196
I need you to tell me who is worthy

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00:03:56,264 --> 00:03:58,465
of surviving the apocalypse with me.

81
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:02,035
I only want the sharpest razors
in this town's Halloween candy.

82
00:04:02,104 --> 00:04:05,071
Oh, don't worry, Mr. Burns,
this is what Mensa does best...

83
00:04:05,107 --> 00:04:06,973
make everyone else feel stupid.

84
00:04:07,042 --> 00:04:08,775
The only word in English

85
00:04:08,844 --> 00:04:11,578
with three consecutive
double letters is...

86
00:04:11,646 --> 00:04:12,714
- Oh, um...
- Um...

87
00:04:12,715 --> 00:04:13,813
Um, "gooseberry."

88
00:04:13,882 --> 00:04:15,582
No, "coffee." Coffee-oo.

89
00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:18,118
- Uh, balloon-an-ing.
- Bookkeeper.

90
00:04:18,186 --> 00:04:19,486
- Damn it.
- Ha!

91
00:04:19,521 --> 00:04:21,387
It's simple. All we need to do is

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00:04:21,456 --> 00:04:23,756
give everyone in town an IQ test.

93
00:04:23,825 --> 00:04:25,592
The highest scores get on the ark...

94
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:27,627
Mensa members grandfathered in.

95
00:04:27,696 --> 00:04:29,028
Sounds good to me.

96
00:04:29,064 --> 00:04:30,330
Grandfathered!

97
00:04:30,398 --> 00:04:32,966
Not so fast. Flavin.

98
00:04:33,034 --> 00:04:35,568
Being intelligent people,
I am quite sure

99
00:04:35,637 --> 00:04:36,936
that you will take this well.

100
00:04:37,005 --> 00:04:39,139
IQs are meaningless.

101
00:04:39,207 --> 00:04:40,240
Heresy!

102
00:04:40,308 --> 00:04:42,175
I have the ultimate test

103
00:04:42,244 --> 00:04:45,211
that measures something
far more significant:

104
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,848
your overall worth as a human.

105
00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,116
Impossible.

106
00:04:50,185 --> 00:04:51,985
Intelligence is the only quotient

107
00:04:52,053 --> 00:04:53,820
that tells you how important you are.

108
00:04:53,889 --> 00:04:57,524
Ask any of us who did well on
a test we took when we were six.

109
00:05:00,228 --> 00:05:03,363
Well, you may be the brightest,
but you are not the best.

110
00:05:03,431 --> 00:05:06,933
Your worthiness as a human being
is best measured, people,

111
00:05:06,968 --> 00:05:10,904
by the Personal Value Quotient.
That's P.V.Q.

112
00:05:10,972 --> 00:05:13,439
Oh! Ow! All right,
enough with the pelting

113
00:05:13,508 --> 00:05:15,508
and the bonking
and the compass in my neck.

114
00:05:15,577 --> 00:05:17,377
Garvik. In order to defuse

115
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your obvious hostilities,

116
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I will make my presentation
entertaining, all right?

117
00:05:21,583 --> 00:05:25,318
With a one, and a two, and a 3.14159.

118
00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:28,922
Forgive me if it seems like
I'm attacking,

119
00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:32,392
but I find the old IQ test
badly lacking.

120
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:35,395
If you want to find out
just what someone can do,

121
00:05:35,463 --> 00:05:40,233
you need to learn that subject's P.V.Q.

122
00:05:42,337 --> 00:05:45,305
? It tests for ?

123
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:48,975
? Sympathy and empathy ?
? and group collaboration ?

124
00:05:49,010 --> 00:05:52,579
? Artistry and neatness ?
? and complex socialization ?

125
00:05:52,614 --> 00:05:56,049
? And every single aspect ?
? of a personality ?

126
00:05:56,117 --> 00:05:58,151
? Hey, the P.V.Q. ?

127
00:05:58,220 --> 00:06:02,222
? Is A.O.K. with me ?

128
00:06:04,726 --> 00:06:07,727
? It tests for sarcasm and prudence ?

129
00:06:07,796 --> 00:06:09,896
? Not if you're Isaac Newton ?

130
00:06:09,965 --> 00:06:11,431
? Confidence, ambition ?

131
00:06:11,499 --> 00:06:13,233
? And the teams for whom ?
? you're rootin' ?

132
00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:15,368
? So it's all the little foibles ?

133
00:06:15,437 --> 00:06:17,003
? That can make a person whole ?

134
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,205
? Trust the P.V.Q. ?

135
00:06:19,274 --> 00:06:23,142
? The yardstick for the soul ?

136
00:06:30,318 --> 00:06:32,418
? Now, people, you're all geniuses ?

137
00:06:32,487 --> 00:06:34,187
- Oh, please...
- My, my, well, thank you.

138
00:06:34,256 --> 00:06:36,122
? You can see this is no lark ?

139
00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:39,525
? Emotional intelligence ?
? is needed for the ark ?

140
00:06:39,594 --> 00:06:41,327
- Uh-huh.
- Hmm...

141
00:06:49,504 --> 00:06:51,537
? You mean earnestness and ego ?

142
00:06:51,606 --> 00:06:53,439
? And if they make a mean burrito ?

143
00:06:53,508 --> 00:06:55,241
? And the social grace to know ?

144
00:06:55,277 --> 00:06:57,443
? When not to wear a Speedo ?

145
00:06:57,512 --> 00:07:00,480
? Every trait that integrates ?
? a winning personality ?

146
00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:02,448
? Yes, the P.V.Q. ?
_

147
00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:06,085
? Is what we'll do to find out who ?

148
00:07:06,154 --> 00:07:08,187
? Will see us through ?

149
00:07:08,256 --> 00:07:10,023
? Yes, the P.V.Q. ?

150
00:07:10,058 --> 00:07:12,759
? Is A.O.K. ?

151
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:15,962
? With me... ?

152
00:07:17,866 --> 00:07:19,032
Oivik!

153
00:07:19,067 --> 00:07:21,301
Anyone have a song in rebuttal?

154
00:07:21,369 --> 00:07:24,070
? You got to have hear... ?

155
00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,471
Oh, balderdash.

156
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:26,906
We're going with this man's test.

157
00:07:26,975 --> 00:07:29,008
- Oh, wonderful.
- To determine who is worthy

158
00:07:29,077 --> 00:07:30,743
of a seat on my ark.

159
00:07:30,812 --> 00:07:32,812
Uh, but, sir, how do we
get everyone in town

160
00:07:32,881 --> 00:07:35,148
to take a test without
telling them what it's about?

161
00:07:35,611 --> 00:07:36,884
_

162
00:07:36,885 --> 00:07:39,252
Mandatory test.

163
00:07:39,321 --> 00:07:41,087
Mandatory test!

164
00:07:41,156 --> 00:07:44,524
Mandatory for everyone
not ringing a bell.

165
00:07:47,095 --> 00:07:48,528
What's the point of this test again?

166
00:07:48,563 --> 00:07:50,196
The way I look at it, the more things

167
00:07:50,265 --> 00:07:52,632
secret corporations know
about us, the better, huh?

168
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,500
I like when drones show up
bringing me things

169
00:07:54,569 --> 00:07:56,169
I needed but didn't know.

170
00:07:56,204 --> 00:07:58,137
Hmm.

171
00:07:58,206 --> 00:07:59,939
Wow, I am out of deodorant.

172
00:08:00,008 --> 00:08:01,140
We all knew.

173
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:03,309
Remove all stray marks.

174
00:08:03,345 --> 00:08:05,511
Number two pencil only.

175
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:07,647
And for God's sake, relax!
_

176
00:08:07,716 --> 00:08:10,383
This question asks about
the price of underwear,

177
00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:13,286
as if I were some landed aristocrat.

178
00:08:13,355 --> 00:08:15,221
Hey, can I copy off you?

179
00:08:15,290 --> 00:08:16,489
Be my guest.

180
00:08:20,061 --> 00:08:23,796
"Day is to night as early is to..."

181
00:08:23,865 --> 00:08:26,165
Late. Booyah!

182
00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,236
Booyah!

183
00:08:32,974 --> 00:08:34,574
Booyah!

184
00:08:37,245 --> 00:08:40,446
The one test I don't bring my earmuffs.

185
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:41,810
The results are in.
_

186
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:43,583
The newest and most accurate measure
_

187
00:08:43,651 --> 00:08:46,386
of our intelligence on a
scale from one to 500...

188
00:08:46,454 --> 00:08:48,388
500 being best.

189
00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:50,890
- Boring.
- Don't shut it off.

190
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:52,392
I need my score.

191
00:08:54,562 --> 00:08:56,195
Thank you.

192
00:08:56,264 --> 00:08:58,731
Now we'll run everyone's scores
past the screen really fast,

193
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,400
from best to worst,
trusting that you'll pause

194
00:09:00,468 --> 00:09:02,368
at only your name.

195
00:09:03,638 --> 00:09:05,972
Pause it!

196
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,108
475, my sweet spot. Excellent.

197
00:09:09,177 --> 00:09:10,777
But room to improve.

198
00:09:12,514 --> 00:09:16,182
What?! I am one below Ralph? Ralph?

199
00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,885
Honey, it doesn't mean
Ralph's smarter than you.

200
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,522
It just means he's
a more valuable person.

201
00:09:22,557 --> 00:09:25,091
- Ralph?
- Keep scrolling.

202
00:09:26,161 --> 00:09:28,594
Ooh, 311.

203
00:09:28,663 --> 00:09:31,230
Above average, but not
enough to make people mad.

204
00:09:31,299 --> 00:09:34,700
And, it's the number you call
to complain about potholes.

205
00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:38,604
Ooh. "H. Simpson: 265."

206
00:09:38,673 --> 00:09:40,306
Exactly the number of days in a year.

207
00:09:41,843 --> 00:09:43,810
Well, that's good.
Let's change the channel.

208
00:09:43,878 --> 00:09:45,378
But we don't know your score.

209
00:09:45,413 --> 00:09:47,780
Like I said, that's good.

210
00:09:47,816 --> 00:09:51,017
Hmm, not there. Not there. Not there.

211
00:10:00,929 --> 00:10:03,162
I don't need any test.

212
00:10:03,231 --> 00:10:05,031
I'm street-smart.

213
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:07,767
Haw-haw!

214
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,006
I refuse to accept that
my little guy has no future.

215
00:10:13,007 --> 00:10:15,422
He can learn how to
put in adding machine tape.

216
00:10:15,423 --> 00:10:17,189
That's how I got through the Depression,

217
00:10:17,224 --> 00:10:19,658
and letting the FBI know
which bugle boys

218
00:10:19,727 --> 00:10:21,693
were about to turn boogie-woogie.

219
00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:23,562
We're not giving up on Bart.

220
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:25,430
And I'm not giving up on you, Homer.

221
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:27,499
What, you're still trying? In what way?

222
00:10:27,534 --> 00:10:30,302
My will is 38 pages
of me yelling at you.

223
00:10:30,337 --> 00:10:32,037
Ooh, I'm in the will.

224
00:10:35,442 --> 00:10:38,009
Charles. Listen to me, Charles.

225
00:10:38,078 --> 00:10:39,711
Not now, Satan.

226
00:10:39,780 --> 00:10:42,013
I'm not Satan, I'm Orson Welles.

227
00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:45,150
Satan would sell wine before its time.

228
00:10:45,219 --> 00:10:48,820
Yes. Now, have you taken
my warning seriously?

229
00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:50,822
Oh, but I did.
I've already started the ark.

230
00:10:50,891 --> 00:10:52,390
Very good. Now I must go.

231
00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:54,693
God commissioned me to direct a rainbow,

232
00:10:54,762 --> 00:10:56,895
and I've spent half my budget on indigo.

233
00:10:56,964 --> 00:10:59,731
The only answer is to play "red" myself.

234
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:01,487
Smithers.

235
00:11:01,537 --> 00:11:03,535
Speed up production on the ark.
Put everyone on it.

236
00:11:03,604 --> 00:11:06,104
Ply them with all the rum
and salt it takes.

237
00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:15,618
Eh, there's no nap like a scaffold nap.

238
00:11:17,785 --> 00:11:19,584
Hey, what do you think
we're building, anyway?

239
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:21,753
I'm betting it's a new
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

240
00:11:21,822 --> 00:11:23,655
Maybe this one will keep somebody out.

241
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:27,025
How can Ralph score higher than me?

242
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:29,194
That's-that's just wrong.

243
00:11:29,263 --> 00:11:31,963
But all my self-esteem comes from tests.

244
00:11:32,032 --> 00:11:35,700
Should I really be pulling
on this string?

245
00:11:35,769 --> 00:11:37,602
I am not worse than Ralph!

246
00:11:39,773 --> 00:11:42,234
- Hi, Ralph.
- Hi, Ralph.

247
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,075
- Hi, Ralph.
- Hi, Ralph.

248
00:11:44,144 --> 00:11:46,912
I miss the string through my ears.

249
00:11:48,515 --> 00:11:49,614
All right, Lisa.

250
00:11:49,683 --> 00:11:52,083
Watch, do not judge.

251
00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:55,287
What makes him superior?
_

252
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:59,591
Whee!

253
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:01,259
I'm okay.

254
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,530
You have reached the Wiggum residence.

255
00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:08,300
If Ralph is stuck in
something, press one.

256
00:12:08,368 --> 00:12:11,069
If something is stuck in
Ralph, press two.

257
00:12:11,138 --> 00:12:14,639
If this is Ralph, Daddy
is not in the phone.

258
00:12:14,708 --> 00:12:17,609
Do not open the phone looking for me.

259
00:12:17,678 --> 00:12:18,910
What are you doing?

260
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,145
The only thing I'm good at.

261
00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:21,246
Nothing.

262
00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:22,581
That tears it.

263
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,349
We're going to see Professor Frink,

264
00:12:24,384 --> 00:12:27,285
and find out exactly
what happened on that test.

265
00:12:27,354 --> 00:12:28,687
Got a little present for you, Bart.

266
00:12:28,755 --> 00:12:32,123
It's called The Bible For The Slow. Mm?

267
00:12:32,192 --> 00:12:33,525
He's not going to take it.
_

268
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,360
Okily-dokily.

269
00:12:35,395 --> 00:12:38,864
Professor Frink, your stupid
test ruined my son's life.

270
00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,832
Hey, that test is like a son to me.

271
00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:42,801
I raised it from a quiz.

272
00:12:42,870 --> 00:12:44,502
I've known my son since he was born,

273
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:46,938
and he's not anywhere near as stupid

274
00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:48,840
as your stupid test says he is.

275
00:12:48,909 --> 00:12:53,044
And if you think so,
you're stupid, stupid, stupid!

276
00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:54,679
Wow, Marge.

277
00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:56,882
You really love Bart.

278
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,284
All right, all right, let me recheck it.

279
00:12:59,353 --> 00:13:01,119
Uh, rechecking, rechecking.

280
00:13:01,188 --> 00:13:02,487
Put-upon sigh.

281
00:13:02,556 --> 00:13:03,622
Oivik.

282
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,790
Rechecking... ah, here we are.

283
00:13:05,859 --> 00:13:07,158
Uh, Simpson, B.

284
00:13:07,194 --> 00:13:10,829
That's not a "B."

285
00:13:10,898 --> 00:13:12,330
Well, yes, it is, you see, the two...

286
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:13,932
oh, my garvik!

287
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,967
There was a mistake. Well, your son

288
00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:17,869
has above-average intelligence.

289
00:13:17,938 --> 00:13:19,204
You did it, boy.

290
00:13:19,273 --> 00:13:20,505
No, that just looks like a "B."

291
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:23,008
The real unfortunate is H. Simpson.

292
00:13:23,076 --> 00:13:24,976
I mean, what a clod!

293
00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:28,113
Worst handwriting and brain in town.

294
00:13:28,181 --> 00:13:29,114
- D'oh!
- Hey!

295
00:13:29,149 --> 00:13:30,515
I'm H. Simpson.

296
00:13:30,584 --> 00:13:32,250
Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you.

297
00:13:32,319 --> 00:13:33,485
Would you like some water?

298
00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:34,519
- Smartwater?
- No.

299
00:13:36,897 --> 00:13:38,463
- Homie, aren't you coming?
- Bye-bye.

300
00:13:38,499 --> 00:13:41,590
I can't. I'll be a laughing
stock when everyone finds out

301
00:13:41,591 --> 00:13:43,223
I'm the stupidest man in town.

302
00:13:43,292 --> 00:13:44,458
How are they gonna find out?

303
00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:45,993
I just tweeted it.

304
00:13:46,062 --> 00:13:48,929
Marge, you have to get ahead
of these stories.

305
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:53,069
_

306
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:55,536
I'm sorry, sir, you belong here.

307
00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:57,538
Oh! Oh.
_

308
00:13:57,833 --> 00:14:00,086
_

309
00:14:00,087 --> 00:14:02,946
_

310
00:14:03,446 --> 00:14:04,678
Look thou be true.
_

311
00:14:04,747 --> 00:14:06,213
Do not give dalliance.

312
00:14:06,248 --> 00:14:08,349
Too much of the rein.

313
00:14:10,553 --> 00:14:13,153
Why does Oscar skate in his trash can?
_

314
00:14:13,222 --> 00:14:14,488
It makes no sense!

315
00:14:16,759 --> 00:14:18,559
I'll cheer up here.
_

316
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:19,628
_

317
00:14:19,629 --> 00:14:21,996
One "stupid," please?

318
00:14:22,064 --> 00:14:23,831
Okay, you gave me $40.

319
00:14:23,899 --> 00:14:25,232
Here's two dollars back.

320
00:14:25,301 --> 00:14:27,267
Unless you want splash insurance.

321
00:14:27,303 --> 00:14:29,069
- How much is that?
- Another ten.

322
00:14:29,105 --> 00:14:30,270
Uh, here's $20.

323
00:14:30,339 --> 00:14:32,206
And two more for you.

324
00:14:37,549 --> 00:14:39,684
Insurance doesn't cover
entryway splashes.

325
00:14:39,685 --> 00:14:41,196
D'oh!

326
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:43,917
Hey, Homer, uh, we was watching
Jeopardy!, but, uh,

327
00:14:43,986 --> 00:14:46,954
tell you what, we'll just talk
about shapes and colors now.

328
00:14:47,023 --> 00:14:49,189
I like blue rectangles.

329
00:14:49,258 --> 00:14:51,025
Rectangles. You know, Homer.

330
00:14:51,093 --> 00:14:53,293
The ones with four sides.

331
00:14:53,329 --> 00:14:54,895
Listen, you.

332
00:14:54,964 --> 00:14:57,731
I've known my shapes since I was 16!

333
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,768
Put him down, Homer,
and I'll give you a cookie.

334
00:15:00,836 --> 00:15:02,469
That's a coaster.

335
00:15:02,538 --> 00:15:04,104
Ooh! Dummy's wising up.

336
00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:06,140
I'll take the cookie.

337
00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:10,144
I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm too depressed for Moe's.

338
00:15:16,452 --> 00:15:17,651
Heya, Homer.

339
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,888
I'm sorry. I know I'm taking up
too much of the bed.

340
00:15:20,956 --> 00:15:22,823
Oh, sweetie.

341
00:15:22,892 --> 00:15:26,126
What the entire world thinks
doesn't affect how I see you.

342
00:15:26,195 --> 00:15:27,961
Well, how do you see me?

343
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:31,732
The hair and body
of a dashing Friar Tuck.

344
00:15:31,801 --> 00:15:34,735
Ooh.

345
00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:36,336
But what about my brains?

346
00:15:36,405 --> 00:15:38,739
My favorite character
in The Wizard of Oz

347
00:15:38,808 --> 00:15:41,708
was always the Scarecrow.

348
00:15:41,777 --> 00:15:43,343
I knew it. Thanks to that test,

349
00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,279
you see me as stupid first
and Homer third.

350
00:15:45,347 --> 00:15:46,647
I mean, second.

351
00:15:46,682 --> 00:15:47,714
I know second.

352
00:15:47,783 --> 00:15:48,982
I won't let you give up.

353
00:15:49,051 --> 00:15:51,218
We're going to start improving you.

354
00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,187
Oh, Marge. No one ever did
anything useful

355
00:15:53,255 --> 00:15:54,822
after the age of 39.

356
00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,657
George W. Bush sobered up.

357
00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:58,158
And became president.

358
00:15:58,227 --> 00:15:59,760
Two huge mistakes.

359
00:15:59,829 --> 00:16:01,462
Homie, this whole mix-up happened

360
00:16:01,530 --> 00:16:03,597
because of your sloppy handwriting.

361
00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:06,467
We'll start with that,
improving your handwriting.

362
00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:10,270
Right now, my hand just wants
to crawl in my pocket and cry.

363
00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:13,507
Now this hand is jealous.

364
00:16:13,542 --> 00:16:14,875
Mwah.

365
00:16:14,944 --> 00:16:16,643
I know where this is going.

366
00:16:16,712 --> 00:16:20,514
Um, I do, too, but you say it first.

367
00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:22,116
Snuggling.

368
00:16:22,184 --> 00:16:23,650
Ooh.

369
00:16:25,621 --> 00:16:27,187
_

370
00:16:27,223 --> 00:16:30,657
What is his secret? What is his secret?!

371
00:16:30,726 --> 00:16:32,893
I'm going to Dizzyland.

372
00:16:32,928 --> 00:16:37,098
_

373
00:16:40,402 --> 00:16:42,503
Want to see me do a cartwheel?

374
00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:44,404
- No! No, no, no!
- Good point.

375
00:16:44,473 --> 00:16:47,241
On the other hand, whee!

376
00:16:48,978 --> 00:16:51,011
Don't worry, Lou,
I've seen that in cartoons.

377
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,014
Swee'Pea, Mr. Magoo, they were fine.

378
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,582
What about Sylvester the Cat?

379
00:16:55,651 --> 00:16:57,818
Never be a cat in a cartoon, Lou.

380
00:16:57,853 --> 00:16:59,019
Never.

381
00:17:05,761 --> 00:17:07,427
The beam must have
a fulcrum I can move to

382
00:17:07,496 --> 00:17:08,595
that would stabilize it.

383
00:17:08,664 --> 00:17:10,797
Think, Lisa, think.

384
00:17:14,236 --> 00:17:15,536
Oh!

385
00:17:20,075 --> 00:17:22,042
Two for two.

386
00:17:23,979 --> 00:17:27,347
Young man, didn't I tell you
to sit and stay in that house?

387
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,349
I thought you were talking to the dog.

388
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:30,784
We don't have a dog.

389
00:17:30,853 --> 00:17:32,719
Then what's been pooping in my bedroom?

390
00:17:32,755 --> 00:17:36,790
Professor, how on Earth did he
get a higher score than me?

391
00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:40,661
Okay, Lisa, I am going
to give you ten more points

392
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:43,063
for one of the most important
skills of all:

393
00:17:43,132 --> 00:17:46,700
discovering huge flaws in
my test without telling anyone.

394
00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:51,138
You mean, after all this,
after all I've gone through,

395
00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:54,908
you're just gonna fudge my score
and I should be happy?

396
00:17:54,977 --> 00:17:57,244
Well, after all,
that's how I got into, uh...

397
00:17:57,313 --> 00:17:58,979
Oh, I can't say it.

398
00:17:59,014 --> 00:18:00,347
The lowest of the Ivys.

399
00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:01,982
Oh, God, help me... Cornell!

400
00:18:02,051 --> 00:18:03,150
Cornell! God!

401
00:18:03,219 --> 00:18:04,318
It's okay, you're fine.

402
00:18:04,353 --> 00:18:05,986
Oh, gloyvik.

403
00:18:06,055 --> 00:18:07,854
Okay, Homie, buckle up.

404
00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:11,391
Because there's no limit to how
neat your handwriting can get.

405
00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:12,759
Marge, I don't know.

406
00:18:12,828 --> 00:18:14,861
You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

407
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:19,600
I'll help you.

408
00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:27,341
Lisa, turn off that oldies station!

409
00:18:40,225 --> 00:18:46,578
_

410
00:18:51,867 --> 00:18:53,600
Dearest Marjorie,

411
00:18:53,636 --> 00:18:56,470
what words are adequate
to describe your beauty?

412
00:18:56,538 --> 00:18:59,806
Like, a bowling ball,
fresh out of a polisher.

413
00:18:59,842 --> 00:19:00,974
Oh.

414
00:19:01,043 --> 00:19:02,409
I've always dreamed

415
00:19:02,478 --> 00:19:06,313
Homie would write me
cursive love letters.

416
00:19:11,687 --> 00:19:15,222
You are as beautiful
as your sisters are hideous.

417
00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:17,491
Oh...

418
00:19:23,465 --> 00:19:25,332
Oh, Homie.

419
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,967
Mwah. Oh.

420
00:19:27,036 --> 00:19:29,403
I'm married to a writer.

421
00:19:29,438 --> 00:19:30,737
I really am.

422
00:19:36,319 --> 00:19:37,885
Welcome, all of you.

423
00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:39,854
You are the chosen people.

424
00:19:39,923 --> 00:19:42,390
Chosen to be my slaves.

425
00:19:42,459 --> 00:19:44,358
I am no one's slave.

426
00:19:44,427 --> 00:19:45,626
Well, doesn't matter what you think.

427
00:19:45,695 --> 00:19:46,928
The doors are sealed.

428
00:19:46,996 --> 00:19:49,163
Not this one.

429
00:19:49,232 --> 00:19:52,166
Wait, wait, you haven't heard
about the retirement plan.

430
00:19:52,202 --> 00:19:54,502
There isn't one.

431
00:19:54,571 --> 00:19:55,837
Fine, I don't need them.

432
00:19:55,905 --> 00:19:57,572
I don't need anyone.
_

433
00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:04,378
Oh. Why did you have me go back
for your slippers?

434
00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:06,781
How could you turn on me so quickly?

435
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:12,190
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