1 00:00:00,117 --> 00:00:02,515 As you all know, profits for Hampton DeVille 2 00:00:02,546 --> 00:00:04,162 are at an all-time high. 3 00:00:04,203 --> 00:00:07,138 Unfortunately, the well-being of our employees 4 00:00:07,139 --> 00:00:09,041 is at an all-time low. 5 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:13,178 Let's take a look at the average Hampton DeVille employee. 6 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:15,947 The average life expectancy for a Hampton DeVille employee 7 00:00:15,948 --> 00:00:18,416 is 57.1 years. 8 00:00:18,417 --> 00:00:20,519 - They get 5.2 hours of sleep a night... - I'm so tired. 9 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,022 I wish I could be asleep all the time. 10 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,955 You just described death. 11 00:00:23,956 --> 00:00:26,023 Hmm. Yeah, I guess I want to be dead. 12 00:00:26,024 --> 00:00:27,159 I can't wait to die. 13 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,495 It sounds so relaxing. 14 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:31,496 The average employee is half man, half woman. 15 00:00:31,497 --> 00:00:32,965 They have one testicle, 16 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,735 one breast, and half a vagina. 17 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:38,470 Every year, the average employee consumes 18 00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:41,005 561 cups of coffee... 19 00:00:41,006 --> 00:00:42,807 I feel nothing when I drink coffee. 20 00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:43,842 Coffee is a scam. 21 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,077 Be an adult. Take an Adderall. 22 00:00:45,078 --> 00:00:46,679 The average Hampton DeVille employee 23 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,249 strongly agrees with the following phrase. 24 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:51,651 "If I see a pill, I eat a pill." 25 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:55,286 They smoke 275 cigarettes annually, 26 00:00:55,287 --> 00:00:57,089 97 marijuana cigarettes, 27 00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,825 and due to some statistical outliers, 28 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,226 the average employee does heroin. 29 00:01:02,227 --> 00:01:04,163 I would never do heroin. 30 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:05,763 Unless I was dying, 31 00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:07,298 or someone just offered it to me. 32 00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:09,435 I don't have a 401(K), so as of now, 33 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,470 my retirement plan is to overdose on drugs. 34 00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,470 Smart. 35 00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:13,572 The average employee 36 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,941 has 7.8 suicidal thoughts per day, 37 00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:19,444 18 panic attacks a year, 38 00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:22,348 and wonders once an hour, every hour, 39 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,482 why this is happening to them. 40 00:01:24,483 --> 00:01:26,485 And that concludes my presentation 41 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,286 on how Hampton DeVille employees 42 00:01:28,287 --> 00:01:30,422 cope with the pain of being alive. 43 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,760 Okay. Thank you, Grace. 44 00:01:35,761 --> 00:01:37,396 Should we talk next steps? 45 00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,765 First step: let us never speak of this again. 46 00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,166 Yes, that's right. 47 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,667 That's really the only step. 48 00:01:57,773 --> 00:02:03,612 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 49 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:28,048 You've heard of enhanced interrogation, right? 50 00:02:28,049 --> 00:02:29,881 - Yeah. - Well, it's like that, 51 00:02:29,882 --> 00:02:31,382 - but with acupuncture. - Ah. 52 00:02:31,383 --> 00:02:33,986 I know a masseuse who does this amazing thing 53 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,423 where she wraps her hands around your neck 54 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:39,457 and just oh-so-subtly suffocates you. 55 00:02:39,458 --> 00:02:41,593 - Is that Matt? - Oh, no. 56 00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:44,064 Finding a dead body is one of my top 25 fears. 57 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,066 He has a neck pillow. 58 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,903 He died in his sleep. 59 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:53,772 Oh! 60 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,607 - Hi, Matt. - Oh, my... 61 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:56,608 - God! - Ah! 62 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:57,708 - John. - Ah! 63 00:02:57,709 --> 00:02:59,511 - What? - What? 64 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:02,081 Matt, the fact that you have been sleeping in your car 65 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,917 means we have not been challenging you enough. 66 00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:06,818 But that's about to change. 67 00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,453 We need you to digitize 68 00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:11,356 all the employee injury and death reports 69 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,923 from the past 50 years. 70 00:03:12,924 --> 00:03:14,092 I'm gonna be honest with you, 71 00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:15,528 it's an upsetting amount of work. 72 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,962 It sucks. 73 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,763 I'm sorry, but how does digitizing old files 74 00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,733 fit into my job description? 75 00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:25,369 I'm gonna lose my mind if I don't get my nap. 76 00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,539 I don't know what I'm gonna do. 77 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,839 Wow, Matt. That sounds awful. 78 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,677 Almost as bad as having spinal surgery! 79 00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:32,812 Because the chairs here 80 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,848 don't provide lumbar support! 81 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,450 But let's get back to how you're a victim. 82 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,785 Jake, buddy! 83 00:03:40,786 --> 00:03:43,355 It is so good to see you back in the office, man. 84 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:44,890 The place wasn't the same without you. 85 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,224 I brought you these. 86 00:03:46,225 --> 00:03:47,693 Wow, thanks, Baron. 87 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,128 I kind of thought you hated me 88 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,928 'cause you've said that to my face many times. 89 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,034 Uh, so anyway, um... 90 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:57,803 what'd they give you to manage the pain? 91 00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:59,438 Must be some serious stuff. 92 00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:01,373 They gave me hydrocodone, oxycodone, 93 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,707 lorazepam, Diazepam. 94 00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:03,976 You know, I get, um, 95 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,779 uh, retinal pain from staring at screens all day, 96 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,315 so if you have any leftover pills, 97 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,284 remember who brought you flowers 98 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:15,419 when you were down and out... 99 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:17,523 and in need of a friend. 100 00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:22,195 There's a Benji in the card. 101 00:04:24,062 --> 00:04:26,032 Wow, that was pretty blatant. 102 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,498 I've been dealing with this all morning. 103 00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:30,536 Turns out painkillers are pretty valuable currency. 104 00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,573 Jake, heard about your back. 105 00:04:35,574 --> 00:04:37,409 That sucks, man. 106 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,877 Quick question, though. 107 00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:40,947 What kind of pills are you taking? 108 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:44,116 Hey, Jake. 109 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,717 - Hey, Jake. - Jake. 110 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:46,952 Jake! 111 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,286 Jim, buddy. 112 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:50,555 I am so sorry to hear about your back. 113 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,892 I can only imagine the pain you're in. 114 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:53,893 You are a hero. 115 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,060 What'd they give ya? 116 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:56,794 What was it, Norcos, Vals, Vics? 117 00:04:56,795 --> 00:04:58,363 You are not supposed to take all of 'em. 118 00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,765 That would be dangerous. 119 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:02,135 My carpal tunnel's been really acting up. 120 00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,469 This weekend, I have to meet my mom's new boyfriend. 121 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,671 That's not good. 122 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:06,971 He used to be my boyfriend. 123 00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,741 I'm just really bored. 124 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:09,742 I'm a drug addict. 125 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,377 I would be so grateful. 126 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,844 If you love me, you'll give me the pills. 127 00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,579 I'll give you something; you give me something. 128 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:16,014 - I need the pills. - Just give them to me. 129 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:17,416 Please. 130 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,118 Don't act like you're the only one in pain! 131 00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:20,820 And that would really help me out, man. 132 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,587 What's in it for me? 133 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,188 Is that a new suit? 134 00:05:57,189 --> 00:05:58,757 Yeah, I got it from Hank in accounting. 135 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,494 His in-laws are visiting this weekend. 136 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:06,231 Is that a Kandinsky? 137 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,501 Here's another batch. 138 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,270 Well, now I really want to be dead. 139 00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:17,409 Hi, Matt. You look like you're dying. 140 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,709 Thanks, Grace. 141 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:19,777 Jake. 142 00:06:19,778 --> 00:06:21,046 Oh, hi, Grace. 143 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,414 Let me guess, you want to exploit our friendship 144 00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:23,481 for some pain pills. 145 00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,118 What? No. 146 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,919 I just brought you these balloons 147 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,489 because I care about you. 148 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,157 That's so sweet, Grace. 149 00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:34,525 You're such a good person. 150 00:06:34,526 --> 00:06:37,930 Yes. I am good. 151 00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:42,268 [Bleep], [Bleep], [Bleep]. 152 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:49,673 God, I need a nap. 153 00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:56,147 Matt, we know you need sleep, 154 00:06:56,148 --> 00:06:57,849 - but we're counting on you. - You're young. 155 00:06:57,850 --> 00:06:59,618 You're not allowed to sleep until you're dead. 156 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,609 I don't think employees are allowed to smoke in here. 157 00:07:25,610 --> 00:07:26,844 What are you gonna do, fire me? 158 00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,212 No, it's just that... 159 00:07:28,213 --> 00:07:30,282 cigarettes are bad for you. 160 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,116 Cigarettes can't kill me. 161 00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:33,385 Why not? 162 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,719 Because I'm a [Bleep] ghost! 163 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,822 Hey, Matt! 164 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,490 Ooh. 165 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,527 I thought you were dead, but turns out 166 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,127 you're just sleeping on the toilet, 167 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,729 which is somehow worse. 168 00:08:01,913 --> 00:08:04,248 Good morning, Matt! 169 00:08:04,249 --> 00:08:07,486 I'm gonna show you how I get through my day... 170 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,020 without falling asleep on the toilet. 171 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,421 John, how is waking up at 6:00 a.m. 172 00:08:10,422 --> 00:08:11,890 to play basketball gonna help me? 173 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,390 - God. - Endorphins. 174 00:08:13,391 --> 00:08:14,558 Intense physical activity 175 00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,962 floods your brain with endorphins. 176 00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:18,263 You don't need sleep 177 00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,233 when you can trick your body into thinking 178 00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:21,799 that you're constantly 179 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,770 - in a life-threatening situation. - John. 180 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,808 With endorphins, 181 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,845 you can power your way through any obstacle. 182 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,846 Oh! 183 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,781 Foul. 184 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,585 With adrenaline in your veins, 185 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,186 nothing can get in your way! 186 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,221 Oh, Jesus. 187 00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:44,656 That's a goal-tend. 188 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:49,428 Okay, nothing can get in my way. 189 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:50,728 Gotcha! 190 00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:51,963 Oh, gotcha, big man. 191 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,433 Let me get it! 192 00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:58,870 You're a filthy, scumbag, dirty-ass... 193 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:01,305 - I get it. - Trifling player. 194 00:09:01,306 --> 00:09:03,708 And you're always gonna be a dirty player. 195 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:04,976 Let's go! 196 00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,812 With endorphins... 197 00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:08,415 everything is possible! 198 00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:10,515 Oh! 199 00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:11,450 What? 200 00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:14,019 How? 201 00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,721 Ow! 202 00:09:17,722 --> 00:09:20,324 So there was an incident 203 00:09:20,325 --> 00:09:22,861 on the basketball court this morning 204 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,631 involving two Hampton DeVille employees. 205 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,098 You and me. 206 00:09:28,099 --> 00:09:31,002 And I think what we've learned 207 00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,871 is that people... 208 00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:35,240 me and you... 209 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,842 make mistakes. 210 00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,213 And nobody is really at fault here. 211 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,348 Okay? 212 00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:45,317 Yeah, it's okay. 213 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,550 Good. 214 00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:47,552 Good meeting... 215 00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,189 and great game. 216 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,093 You ever have one of those dreams 217 00:09:56,094 --> 00:09:58,696 that are so vivid, you'd swear it's real? 218 00:09:58,697 --> 00:09:59,965 All the time, man. 219 00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:02,634 Who are you? 220 00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,269 I'm Kevin. 221 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,971 I've been hitting the drugs pretty hard since my dog died, 222 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,941 so I traded my office to Jake for painkillers. 223 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:09,976 Oh. 224 00:10:11,309 --> 00:10:13,178 How are you? 225 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:15,179 I'm having a little bit of a rough day, 226 00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,581 but I'm okay. 227 00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:17,682 How are you? 228 00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,384 Good. I'm on drugs. 229 00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,053 No, don't do that. 230 00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:22,221 Do what I said. 231 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,755 Trust me, if you saw how I look, 232 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:24,756 you would do what I said. 233 00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:25,757 Can I help you? 234 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:26,924 Come on, this is ridiculous. 235 00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:29,294 Um, I just came to talk to Jake. 236 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,295 Do you have an appointment with Mr. Levinson? 237 00:10:31,296 --> 00:10:32,697 It's okay, Jane. 238 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:35,066 Tell him to wait a minute, and we'll grab some grub. 239 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,601 Mom, how many times do I have to tell you 240 00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:38,004 he's not hot enough for you? 241 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,305 You're an amazing woman, and you deserve the hottest. 242 00:10:41,306 --> 00:10:42,774 Thanks for picking up lunch, Grace. 243 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,308 That's what friends do: 244 00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:48,011 give each other stuff that makes their bodies feel good. 245 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,986 So, Jake, how many pills do you have left? 246 00:10:55,987 --> 00:10:58,255 I blew a bunch on a key to the 49th floor vending machine, 247 00:10:58,256 --> 00:11:00,859 but I've got enough left for one big trade. 248 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:04,728 Ooh, and I think I know what it's going to be. 249 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:08,933 A car? 250 00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,102 No, I want that parking spot. 251 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,169 It's right by the elevator, 252 00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:13,471 no cars on either side. 253 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:14,773 It's convenient, but more importantly 254 00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,408 a real status symbol. 255 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,510 Uh, there's no chance you're gonna get that spot. 256 00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:21,145 It belongs to Peg Peterson. 257 00:11:21,146 --> 00:11:23,981 She's the most well-balanced person I've ever met. 258 00:11:23,982 --> 00:11:26,518 I don't think she's been sad a day in her life. 259 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,422 Okay, well, it was good hearing from you. 260 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:30,954 Yeah. Have a great day, Todd. 261 00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:31,990 Okay. 262 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,158 Oh, hello. 263 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,859 I'm sorry, that was a telemarketer. 264 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,294 What can I help you with? 265 00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:38,362 I'm sorry, but I was walking by your office, 266 00:11:38,363 --> 00:11:41,298 and I couldn't help but notice that your name is Peg Peterson. 267 00:11:41,299 --> 00:11:42,634 This is a long shot, 268 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:45,636 but do you happen to know a Lenny Peterson? 269 00:11:45,637 --> 00:11:46,771 Uh, I don't think so. 270 00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,139 Well, he's great, 271 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,808 and it's great to meet another Peterson. 272 00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,241 Anyway, how are you? 273 00:11:51,242 --> 00:11:53,745 I'm doing really well, thank you for asking. 274 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,112 And how are you? 275 00:11:55,113 --> 00:11:57,314 Um, what's that back brace for? 276 00:11:57,315 --> 00:11:58,448 Oh, this old thing? 277 00:11:58,449 --> 00:11:59,884 I just had a little spinal surgery. 278 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,153 Don't worry about me. 279 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,355 Yeah, it hurts a little bit, 280 00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:04,957 but everyone has pain, right? 281 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,290 Right, Peg? 282 00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:08,125 I'm sorry to hear about your spine, 283 00:12:08,126 --> 00:12:10,328 but you know what always makes me feel better 284 00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:11,730 is a candy cane. 285 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,432 Candy, huh? 286 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,100 Ever had this kind of candy, Peg? 287 00:12:17,202 --> 00:12:20,138 Are those prescription painkillers? 288 00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,473 These make everybody feel better about everything. 289 00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:23,908 I could give you the rest of the bottle, 290 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,845 but I'm gonna need more than a candy cane, Peg. 291 00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,880 Maybe your parking spot? 292 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,750 Oh, it's 2:00. 293 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,885 It's time for my afternoon treat. 294 00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:36,721 Ice cream sandwiches are the only drug I need. 295 00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:43,996 Bonne nuit. 296 00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:46,732 Buenas noches. 297 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,971 What? 298 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,467 Hey, ghost? 299 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,869 What are you typing? 300 00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,272 I have to finish these bullshit reports. 301 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,010 Hey, ghost? 302 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,712 What's it like being dead? 303 00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:37,215 Being dead is great in theory. 304 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:38,449 You know? 305 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,516 You don't feel any pain. 306 00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:41,385 You can have sex without condoms. 307 00:13:41,386 --> 00:13:43,855 But the problem is, you just get used to it, you know? 308 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:47,225 And then being dead just sucks as much as being alive. 309 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:49,662 It's like, there's no greener grass. 310 00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,795 There's just more grass. 311 00:13:51,796 --> 00:13:54,432 [Bleep], you just made me type "grass"! 312 00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,136 Paper cuts! 313 00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,803 - Oh! - Hi, Matt. 314 00:13:59,804 --> 00:14:02,608 Did you know this is the women's restroom? 315 00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,645 And also you're asleep on a toilet. 316 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,251 What's wrong, Matt? 317 00:14:14,252 --> 00:14:15,620 I don't know, Kevin. 318 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,924 These death records are giving me weird nightmares. 319 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:21,759 Madeline? 320 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,629 Smoker, foul-mouthed, 321 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:26,030 died of an amphetamine overdose. 322 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,031 Oh, my God. 323 00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:29,768 She's real. 324 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,035 Who's real? 325 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,403 The ghost from my dreams. 326 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:33,571 Wait, no, I'm sorry. 327 00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,307 I don't believe in ghosts. 328 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,308 I do. 329 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,309 If ghosts aren't real, 330 00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,376 how do you explain 331 00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:41,480 the existence of ghosts? 332 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:42,614 - Huh? - You're right. 333 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,015 - You can't explain it. - No. 334 00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,418 I listen to ghost hunting podcasts while I work, 335 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,287 and they all say that if you meet a ghost, 336 00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:49,888 you're supposed to find where they died 337 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,792 so they can be released to the afterlife. 338 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:55,827 It says she died on floor 33. 339 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:58,596 I know all about floor 33. 340 00:14:58,597 --> 00:14:59,864 It's abandoned. 341 00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:02,734 Supposed to be pretty spooky. 342 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,369 I'll go get my ghost rods. 343 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:05,569 Thanks, Kev. 344 00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:11,675 Are you gonna go get your rods? 345 00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:13,044 - Oh! - Yeah. 346 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,448 Yeah, right, ghost rods. Right. 347 00:15:19,017 --> 00:15:20,985 What's wrong? 348 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,920 No ice cream sandwiches? 349 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:26,158 Someone threw them into the sink and smashed them. 350 00:15:27,825 --> 00:15:29,461 Oh, no. 351 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,529 I guess the world is cruel. 352 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,097 Right, Peg? 353 00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,533 Lucky for you... 354 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:36,703 I have these. 355 00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:39,703 You know what? 356 00:15:39,704 --> 00:15:41,139 I think I'm gonna treat myself 357 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,908 to a walk in the park. 358 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:44,510 Why don't you come join me? 359 00:15:57,555 --> 00:15:59,790 Why'd they shut this floor down? 360 00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,226 It wasn't wheelchair accessible, 361 00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,227 and they didn't want to pay to install a ramp. 362 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:05,395 Oh. 363 00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,463 Spider! 364 00:16:06,464 --> 00:16:07,731 Oh, don't. 365 00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:13,169 Oh, my God. Kevin, it's her office. 366 00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,838 Oh, man. 367 00:16:14,839 --> 00:16:16,640 My rods are really starting to [Bleep] out. 368 00:16:16,641 --> 00:16:17,976 Uh, maybe we should go back to the office 369 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,845 and take some pain pills and forget about this. 370 00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:21,779 No, I'm going in. 371 00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,283 Matt! Matt, no! 372 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:37,694 It says "deceased found on couch." 373 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,466 Oh, my God, we found her final resting place. 374 00:16:41,467 --> 00:16:43,233 Now she can be released. 375 00:16:43,234 --> 00:16:44,402 Kev? 376 00:16:47,138 --> 00:16:51,675 Huh. Resting place. 377 00:16:51,676 --> 00:16:52,843 Look, Jake, 378 00:16:52,844 --> 00:16:54,645 it's not like I don't understand 379 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:56,646 that there's darkness in life. 380 00:16:56,647 --> 00:16:58,148 Okay, let me tell you a story. 381 00:16:58,149 --> 00:17:00,417 So when I was a kid, my parents were divorced, 382 00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,252 and I lived with my mother. 383 00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:03,820 And one night, we woke up, 384 00:17:03,821 --> 00:17:05,222 and the house was on fire. 385 00:17:05,223 --> 00:17:06,391 So we ran out, 386 00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:09,860 and my mother ran back in to save my dog, 387 00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:12,864 and that's when my father kidnapped me. 388 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,901 Because it turns out that he had started the fire 389 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,937 to get back at my mother, so... 390 00:17:17,938 --> 00:17:19,671 anyway, three months later, 391 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,471 the FBI found us 392 00:17:21,472 --> 00:17:24,108 and shot my father through the brain 393 00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,542 right in front of me. 394 00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:28,246 But on the way to the police station, 395 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,781 a federal agent handed me an ice cream sandwich. 396 00:17:31,782 --> 00:17:32,884 So yeah, 397 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,818 I could easily 398 00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:35,920 look back at what happened 399 00:17:35,921 --> 00:17:37,587 and focus on the negative. 400 00:17:37,588 --> 00:17:41,058 Or I could remember that no matter how bad things get, 401 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,559 there's always an ice cream sandwich 402 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,995 around the corner. 403 00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:46,731 I just want to take a minute 404 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,266 to deeply apologize 405 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,968 for throwing away your ice cream sandwiches. 406 00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,804 There's just one more thing I want to show you. 407 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,841 Well... 408 00:17:57,842 --> 00:17:59,210 you released me. 409 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:01,212 So now I get to move on. 410 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:02,379 To hell. 411 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,248 - Oh, I'm sorry. - It's fine. 412 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,052 I was a terrible person, so it doesn't matter. 413 00:18:06,053 --> 00:18:08,219 Hell's better than working at Hampton DeVille, right? 414 00:18:08,220 --> 00:18:09,854 Yeah, I'm not cut out for working here. 415 00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,489 No one is. 416 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,991 You just find your way to cope, and you just keep going. 417 00:18:13,992 --> 00:18:15,292 So is that it? 418 00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,528 Yeah. 419 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,828 Unless you want to make out. 420 00:18:18,829 --> 00:18:20,298 Do you want to make out? 421 00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:21,400 Yeah, whatever. 422 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,533 I mean, I'm a ghost. Who cares? 423 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:25,671 Oh! 424 00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:34,112 You know, Jake, I really do believe 425 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,046 that putting positivity into the world 426 00:18:36,047 --> 00:18:38,281 is kind of its own reward. 427 00:18:38,282 --> 00:18:40,684 That's why I'm giving you my parking space. 428 00:18:40,685 --> 00:18:42,587 Wow. Peg. 429 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,155 Thank you. 430 00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:46,289 But after all you've been through, I feel kind of bad 431 00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,192 taking your parking spot. 432 00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,461 I definitely still will, 433 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,862 but I feel bad. 434 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,629 Don't worry about me. 435 00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:53,998 Oh, and remember, 436 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,231 always look on the bright... 437 00:18:55,232 --> 00:18:57,935 ? Nothing is good enough ? 438 00:18:57,936 --> 00:19:01,105 ? For people like you ? 439 00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:05,308 ? Who have to have someone take the fall ? 440 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,514 ? And something to sabotage ? 441 00:19:10,515 --> 00:19:15,485 ? Determined to lose it all ? 442 00:19:15,486 --> 00:19:18,588 ? Nothing is ? 443 00:19:18,589 --> 00:19:21,358 ? Good enough ? 444 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:30,367 John told me to drop these off here. 445 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,404 Whoa! 446 00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:34,806 You're the ghost. 447 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:36,909 I found out where you died and took a nap there. 448 00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,343 What are you talking about? 449 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,609 Oh. 450 00:19:39,610 --> 00:19:41,412 I guess that was a dream. 451 00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,981 Gross. Don't dream about me. 452 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,448 Oh, no, it wasn't you. 453 00:19:44,449 --> 00:19:46,618 You were a dream ghost, and I released you to hell. 454 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,885 And then we made out, 455 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:48,886 but it was your idea. 456 00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:49,921 I... listen. 457 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,323 I'm not explaining this well. 458 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,158 Here's the thing. I'm a good guy. 459 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,326 And if we got to know each other, 460 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,429 we'd laugh about this, and, uh... 461 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,931 if we hung out, uh, we'd probably become friends. 462 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,165 I know that this is a weird situation. 463 00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:03,635 We all know that, both of us, 464 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,202 and, uh, I just want you to know 465 00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,304 that I'm with you on this. 466 00:20:07,305 --> 00:20:08,841 Bottom line, I need you to trust me 467 00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:10,173 that I'm a good person. 468 00:20:10,174 --> 00:20:11,408 That's it. 469 00:20:11,409 --> 00:20:12,777 Don't ever talk to me again. 470 00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,012 Okay. 471 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:17,749 I hate all men. 472 00:20:25,204 --> 00:20:29,079 _ 473 00:20:30,628 --> 00:20:31,628 Hey, Grace. 474 00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:32,629 Here you go, kiddo. 475 00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:34,831 Jake! 476 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:39,003 Man, Kevin, 477 00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:40,337 it's been so much easier to get my work done 478 00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:42,272 now that I found my new napping place. 479 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:43,808 Who's Kevin? 480 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,944 Jake? But what happened to... 481 00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,646 was Kevin a ghost? 482 00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:51,249 No, I just gave him his office back. 483 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,517 Oh. 484 00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:54,018 That makes sense. 485 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,221 There's a spider on your shoulder. 486 00:21:00,249 --> 00:21:01,682 Wow, buddy. 487 00:21:02,793 --> 00:21:03,795 You play dirty. 488 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,797 Filthy. 489 00:21:06,798 --> 00:21:08,000 I like that. 490 00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,535 I like that, buddy. 491 00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:11,536 Let's go! 492 00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:15,218 Foul.