1
00:00:06,512 --> 00:00:10,389
_

2
00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:06,836
Oh, Matt, that banana
has brown spots on it.

3
00:01:06,904 --> 00:01:08,939
What? Oh.

4
00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:11,374
Ew.

5
00:01:23,938 --> 00:01:29,772
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

6
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,564
Who do you think designs
these coffee cups?

7
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:36,833
A failed art student in a
massive amount of college debt.

8
00:01:36,901 --> 00:01:39,403
Feel like I never use
my communications degree.

9
00:01:39,469 --> 00:01:41,505
I mean, I guess I'm talking right now.

10
00:01:41,571 --> 00:01:43,407
So that's something.

11
00:01:43,472 --> 00:01:45,041
I majored in English,
and that should be illegal.

12
00:01:45,109 --> 00:01:46,877
Hey, guys.

13
00:01:46,944 --> 00:01:48,244
Want to see the latest nightmare
I've been living?

14
00:01:48,312 --> 00:01:49,647
I'd love to.

15
00:01:49,712 --> 00:01:51,448
This is HD-Whistle.

16
00:01:51,515 --> 00:01:54,451
It's an anonymous whistle
blowing app developed by HR.

17
00:01:54,517 --> 00:01:55,952
If you see someone doing something bad,

18
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:59,457
you find the appropriate
category, like embezzlement,

19
00:01:59,522 --> 00:02:02,225
and click "whistle."

20
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:03,794
And then an upsetting amount
of paperwork

21
00:02:03,861 --> 00:02:06,130
magically appears on my desk.

22
00:02:06,195 --> 00:02:07,497
Why does it have to make that sound?

23
00:02:07,563 --> 00:02:08,865
I don't know.

24
00:02:08,932 --> 00:02:10,867
It reminds me of
walking by a construction site,

25
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:12,836
or any other place men are.

26
00:02:12,903 --> 00:02:15,505
Last night I had a dream.

27
00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:19,142
Christian was giving me
a performance review.

28
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:21,145
And at the end, he fired me.

29
00:02:21,212 --> 00:02:22,512
You're fired.

30
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:24,615
Then crushed my skull
with his bare hands.

31
00:02:27,151 --> 00:02:28,919
I was terrified.

32
00:02:28,986 --> 00:02:32,323
But honored to be killed
by someone I respect so much.

33
00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:34,991
Yeah. Christian can be
a little intimidating.

34
00:02:35,057 --> 00:02:36,659
Talking to him is like...

35
00:02:36,726 --> 00:02:40,163
talking to a gun with
an Ivy League education.

36
00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:41,598
Clean as a whistle.

37
00:02:41,664 --> 00:02:43,833
Christian is approaching
at a tremendous velocity.

38
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:49,172
Oh, no. He's probably in a bad mood.

39
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,475
John?

40
00:02:51,541 --> 00:02:54,211
Kate, call everyone
into the conference room.

41
00:02:54,277 --> 00:02:55,878
I've got great news.

42
00:02:55,945 --> 00:02:59,448
There's going to be a war.

43
00:02:59,516 --> 00:03:01,685
Oh. It's a war.

44
00:03:03,087 --> 00:03:05,256
What a relief.

45
00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:07,658
The CIA is backing a military coup

46
00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:09,293
to overthrow the Bolivian president.

47
00:03:09,359 --> 00:03:10,728
And we have the chance
to pitch ourselves

48
00:03:10,795 --> 00:03:13,530
as the exclusive weapons supplier.

49
00:03:13,597 --> 00:03:16,832
Hampton DeVille has never landed
a full-scale war before...

50
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:18,902
well, unless you count
the Falkland Islands.

51
00:03:18,968 --> 00:03:20,069
But who does?

52
00:03:22,272 --> 00:03:25,309
Wow. 10:00 a.m. Monday morning
and there's already a war.

53
00:03:25,375 --> 00:03:27,277
I was really hoping
to ease into this week.

54
00:03:27,343 --> 00:03:28,978
Wars are good. They create jobs,

55
00:03:29,045 --> 00:03:31,381
prevent overpopulation, and
benefit the rich and powerful,

56
00:03:31,449 --> 00:03:32,582
which I plan to be one day.

57
00:03:33,818 --> 00:03:35,351
Did you just report somebody?

58
00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:36,719
That guy took his shoes off
in a meeting.

59
00:03:36,787 --> 00:03:39,022
Who does that?

60
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,356
Why would you get someone
in trouble for that?

61
00:03:40,424 --> 00:03:42,892
- That guy is a racist.
- He is?

62
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,696
I mean, he's a white guy
over the age of 50, so probably.

63
00:03:46,764 --> 00:03:48,832
Do you think we'll be racist
when we're 50?

64
00:03:48,898 --> 00:03:50,800
Of course.

65
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:53,436
Wow. That's a tough one to swallow.

66
00:03:53,504 --> 00:03:56,005
I'm still haunted by the Iraq war.

67
00:03:56,073 --> 00:03:58,575
Stockheed Barton stole that contract

68
00:03:58,642 --> 00:04:00,344
right out from underneath us.

69
00:04:00,409 --> 00:04:03,313
And for 15 years, I've had to
watch the Middle East

70
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:06,283
be destabilized by another man's bombs.

71
00:04:06,349 --> 00:04:09,919
But this is our chance for redemption.

72
00:04:09,986 --> 00:04:13,390
Now I've already written a proposal.

73
00:04:13,455 --> 00:04:17,561
All I need is for someone
to turn it into a PowerPoint.

74
00:04:17,628 --> 00:04:19,597
I'm actually really good at PowerPoints.

75
00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:21,230
Here's my impression of a lost person.

76
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:22,900
"I'm actually really good
at PowerPoint."

77
00:04:22,967 --> 00:04:24,534
You're damaging my self-esteem.

78
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,369
- Good.
- Which one of you

79
00:04:26,436 --> 00:04:28,838
will rise to the challenge?

80
00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:33,310
- What are you doing?
- You don't get it.

81
00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:35,444
In high school,
I was the PowerPoint guy.

82
00:04:35,512 --> 00:04:37,415
Everyone would look forward
to my PowerPoints.

83
00:04:37,481 --> 00:04:39,883
Anybody?

84
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:42,919
Oh, come on, people.

85
00:04:50,527 --> 00:04:53,130
Are you PowerPoint proficient?

86
00:04:53,197 --> 00:04:54,598
I'm more than proficient.

87
00:04:54,664 --> 00:04:56,900
I listed it as a special skill
on my resume

88
00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:59,103
right next to Microsoft Word
and clarinet.

89
00:05:00,104 --> 00:05:01,438
Okay.

90
00:05:01,505 --> 00:05:04,575
I'm putting my trust in you.

91
00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:06,310
Don't let me down.

92
00:05:06,376 --> 00:05:08,178
Yes, sir.

93
00:05:10,813 --> 00:05:13,383
I am going to crush this PowerPoint.

94
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:15,217
In 11th grade, I did a PowerPoint

95
00:05:15,284 --> 00:05:18,354
about the Triangle Shirtwaist
Factory that was so good

96
00:05:18,421 --> 00:05:20,022
a girl gave me my first real hand job.

97
00:05:20,089 --> 00:05:22,325
Look, Karen's picking her nose.

98
00:05:22,392 --> 00:05:24,827
Big mistake, Karen.

99
00:05:24,894 --> 00:05:25,996
This app is amazing.

100
00:05:26,063 --> 00:05:27,698
I spent so much time at this company

101
00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:29,467
trying to build myself up,
when all along,

102
00:05:29,532 --> 00:05:31,902
I should've just been
tearing other people down.

103
00:05:31,969 --> 00:05:35,940
Matt, it was so brave of you
to volunteer in there.

104
00:05:36,005 --> 00:05:39,075
Like a Kamikaze pilot
that wasn't asked to fly.

105
00:05:39,142 --> 00:05:40,644
Everything you need is on this.

106
00:05:42,746 --> 00:05:44,013
Oh, and Matt, please stop

107
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,682
throwing away bananas in the break room.

108
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:58,095
- ? Free ?
- ? Life is a war ?

109
00:05:58,162 --> 00:06:01,298
- ? Every day you gotta fight ?
- ? Free ?

110
00:06:01,364 --> 00:06:02,732
? You gotta fight real hard ?

111
00:06:02,799 --> 00:06:04,533
? 'Cause you don't wanna
lose the fight ?

112
00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:06,101
? Free ?

113
00:06:06,169 --> 00:06:10,241
? Here we go, you gotta fight
in the war to win ?

114
00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:12,074
Wait a second. What am I doing?

115
00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,577
This is terrible.

116
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:15,812
- ? Said hey ?
- There we go.

117
00:06:15,878 --> 00:06:17,547
Perfect.

118
00:06:17,613 --> 00:06:23,320
? You're the good guy
so you get to win ?

119
00:06:23,387 --> 00:06:27,658
- ? You gotta win, believe ?
- ? Hey ?

120
00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:32,362
Whoa. Watch
where you're going, Levinson.

121
00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:34,998
Sorry, Baron.

122
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:42,640
? You're the good guy
so you get to win ?

123
00:06:42,705 --> 00:06:44,741
? A war is a fight
and you gotta win the fight ?

124
00:06:44,808 --> 00:06:46,909
? Believe in yourself and you'll
make it through the fight ?

125
00:06:46,976 --> 00:06:50,747
? Oh, yeah ?

126
00:06:50,813 --> 00:06:52,081
At a certain point, I realized

127
00:06:52,149 --> 00:06:53,651
I wasn't making conscious decisions.

128
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,585
The font choices were
just flowing out of me,

129
00:06:55,652 --> 00:06:57,721
and, uh, I wasn't even controlling it.

130
00:06:57,787 --> 00:06:58,922
Matt, we've been looking for you.

131
00:06:58,988 --> 00:07:00,390
We just reviewed your PowerPoint.

132
00:07:00,457 --> 00:07:02,291
Okay, keep in mind it was a first draft,

133
00:07:02,359 --> 00:07:03,894
and I'm open to any changes.

134
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,128
We loved it.

135
00:07:05,195 --> 00:07:07,565
Your PowerPoint is art.

136
00:07:07,630 --> 00:07:10,500
Your decision to use bullets
as bullet points...

137
00:07:10,566 --> 00:07:12,568
Genius.

138
00:07:12,635 --> 00:07:14,003
Oh, I'm so glad.

139
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:16,205
I mean, it felt right, you know?
But you never know.

140
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:18,174
We're going to lunch
with Christian and we want you

141
00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:19,742
to be there to present your work.

142
00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:23,313
Oh, yeah, I-I love lunch,
so that totally works on my end.

143
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,382
And Jake, you need to go to HR.

144
00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:28,318
Somebody reported you
for abusing the HD-Whistle app.

145
00:07:30,154 --> 00:07:32,923
You can't report us
for telling you that.

146
00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:37,093
You just told them you love lunch.

147
00:07:37,161 --> 00:07:38,596
I do love lunch.

148
00:07:40,464 --> 00:07:42,799
Yes, I'll have the lobster roulade

149
00:07:42,866 --> 00:07:46,169
and a bottle of Chateau Montrose
for the table.

150
00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:48,671
And for you, sir?

151
00:07:48,738 --> 00:07:51,741
I'll have the...

152
00:07:51,808 --> 00:07:53,576
- Sheep labia?
- Excellent choice.

153
00:07:53,642 --> 00:07:55,645
- You're gonna love that.
- It tastes just like chicken.

154
00:07:55,712 --> 00:07:58,582
Except it's the genitals
of another animal.

155
00:07:58,649 --> 00:08:00,317
So...

156
00:08:00,383 --> 00:08:05,722
Let's see this PowerPoint
everyone is raving about.

157
00:08:08,125 --> 00:08:10,760
Who blew the whistle on me, Grace?

158
00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,263
Who's the rat? Tell me.

159
00:08:13,329 --> 00:08:15,464
Tell me! Tell me.

160
00:08:15,531 --> 00:08:18,167
Telling you would violate
my oath as an administrator

161
00:08:18,235 --> 00:08:22,305
of Human Resources,
and I would never do that

162
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:25,909
For less than $20.

163
00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:31,213
There. Now who was it?

164
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,916
- It was me.
- Grace, why?

165
00:08:33,983 --> 00:08:36,218
Because you're creating
a ton of work for me.

166
00:08:36,285 --> 00:08:38,521
You blew the whistle
on 23 people yesterday.

167
00:08:38,587 --> 00:08:41,224
Well, I'm sorry for exposing
the truth like Edward Snowden.

168
00:08:41,292 --> 00:08:44,128
Please. You're nothing
like Edward Snowden.

169
00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:46,563
You lack his bravery, his integrity,

170
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,566
his raw sexuality.

171
00:08:48,631 --> 00:08:50,400
- God, he's so hot.
- God, he's so hot.

172
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:52,336
- I just wanna lick his glasses.
- Wanna hack into his mainframe.

173
00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:54,337
I just wanna spoon him
in the cold, Russian night.

174
00:08:54,404 --> 00:08:58,575
Anyway, this company does
reprehensible things every day.

175
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,943
If you actually care,

176
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:02,145
find a real problem
to blow the whistle on.

177
00:09:02,212 --> 00:09:04,146
Okay but what if I don't actually care?

178
00:09:04,213 --> 00:09:05,681
As you can see,

179
00:09:05,749 --> 00:09:08,919
Hampton DeVille blows
the competition away.

180
00:09:08,986 --> 00:09:12,456
And star wipe... The end.

181
00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:16,360
God damn it. Now that...

182
00:09:16,427 --> 00:09:18,395
is a PowerPoint.

183
00:09:18,462 --> 00:09:19,862
Thank you.

184
00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:21,364
You know, I promised myself
I would crush this,

185
00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:23,866
- and I did.
- And the bullet bullet points,

186
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:26,337
brilliant. Um...

187
00:09:26,403 --> 00:09:28,571
I'm sorry, remind me.
What's your name again?

188
00:09:28,638 --> 00:09:31,441
Oh, shit. Here comes Stockheed.

189
00:09:40,417 --> 00:09:43,520
Christian, so nice to see you.

190
00:09:43,587 --> 00:09:48,191
Been a long time, Arthur.
Surprised you're still alive.

191
00:09:48,257 --> 00:09:51,026
Surprised you can afford to eat here.

192
00:09:51,093 --> 00:09:52,294
What do you have there?

193
00:09:52,361 --> 00:09:53,896
Oh, this is the sheep labia.

194
00:09:53,963 --> 00:09:57,099
It's nothing. Just a little PowerPoint.

195
00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:58,935
Ah, top secret.

196
00:09:59,001 --> 00:10:01,837
I wonder if it's for the CIA.

197
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,508
You know, you're not the only company

198
00:10:05,574 --> 00:10:08,477
to pitch the Bolivia contract.

199
00:10:08,544 --> 00:10:10,279
You may have won Iraq,

200
00:10:10,347 --> 00:10:13,417
but your prices are as bloated
as your prostate.

201
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,117
You won't win Bolivia.

202
00:10:15,184 --> 00:10:18,020
The CIA will never deal
with Hampton DeVille.

203
00:10:18,087 --> 00:10:21,891
Your products are not tested
on the battlefield.

204
00:10:21,957 --> 00:10:23,659
Nice font, kid.

205
00:10:23,726 --> 00:10:25,227
- Oh, thanks, I...
- Not.

206
00:10:25,294 --> 00:10:28,899
Not... Not... Not...

207
00:10:28,965 --> 00:10:33,003
Think I'll leave you
to your sheep labia.

208
00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:37,975
This font is all wrong.

209
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,842
This whole PowerPoint is a mess.
God damn it.

210
00:10:39,909 --> 00:10:42,980
? Okay ?

211
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:45,916
? You're a loser ?

212
00:10:45,982 --> 00:10:48,617
? Because you lost the fight ?

213
00:10:48,684 --> 00:10:49,986
As you can see,

214
00:10:50,053 --> 00:10:53,056
Hampton DeVille
blows the competition away.

215
00:10:53,122 --> 00:10:55,758
And star wipe... The end.

216
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:58,762
So what'd you think? Christian's
crazy not to use this, right?

217
00:10:58,828 --> 00:11:00,329
- Uh...
- Uh...

218
00:11:00,396 --> 00:11:02,498
The only slide
I'm worried about is this one.

219
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:03,967
I mostly used Helvetica Neue,

220
00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:05,534
but I tried mixing in some Palatino

221
00:11:05,601 --> 00:11:07,703
just to get some serifs in there.

222
00:11:07,770 --> 00:11:09,505
- Does that work?
- Yeah.

223
00:11:09,573 --> 00:11:11,908
I think the fonts are fine.

224
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,479
My big note is that this...

225
00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:17,948
- is a war crime.
- I agree.

226
00:11:18,015 --> 00:11:19,850
And also, mixing those fonts
did not work for me.

227
00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:22,586
You made a PowerPoint that is evidence

228
00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:25,921
of the government colluding
with a corporation

229
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,824
to start an illegal war.

230
00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:29,893
How could you do this?

231
00:11:29,959 --> 00:11:32,761
Um, honestly, I was pretty
focused on the fonts.

232
00:11:32,828 --> 00:11:35,130
But now that
you're pointing it out, wow.

233
00:11:35,198 --> 00:11:37,768
Good note, Grace, and thank you
for the constructive criticism.

234
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,235
See, this is the type of thing

235
00:11:39,302 --> 00:11:40,637
that you should be whistle-blowing.

236
00:11:40,703 --> 00:11:42,771
That's a great idea.
We should leak this.

237
00:11:42,838 --> 00:11:44,207
The fallout would be huge.

238
00:11:44,274 --> 00:11:45,741
Top executives could get fired,

239
00:11:45,808 --> 00:11:47,309
and then we could fill those spots.

240
00:11:47,376 --> 00:11:50,346
Yeah it's great how stopping
a war would benefit you.

241
00:11:50,413 --> 00:11:52,249
Exactly, Grace. Matt, who do we know

242
00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:54,917
who could anonymously leak this?
Matt? Matt?

243
00:11:54,985 --> 00:11:58,255
Oh, sorry, I was just thinking
about fonts again.

244
00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:01,491
Okay, so we're in a parking garage.

245
00:12:01,558 --> 00:12:03,460
Why'd you bring me here?

246
00:12:03,525 --> 00:12:04,995
Well, we know that you're into, like,

247
00:12:05,062 --> 00:12:08,265
the Internet and stuff, and,
um, we were just wondering...

248
00:12:08,331 --> 00:12:11,500
Are you in Anonymous?

249
00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:13,403
Before I answer that question,

250
00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:16,340
I'm gonna need to make sure
you're not wearing a wire.

251
00:12:23,947 --> 00:12:25,816
Satisfied?

252
00:12:29,352 --> 00:12:31,420
Just taking my clothes off
in a parking garage.

253
00:12:31,487 --> 00:12:33,890
- Good.
- See? No wire.

254
00:12:33,956 --> 00:12:35,993
Just two perfectly average-sized dicks.

255
00:12:37,928 --> 00:12:40,764
Blackmail. All right.

256
00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:42,632
So you are in Anonymous, right?

257
00:12:42,698 --> 00:12:44,199
Of course I'm in Anonymous,
everybody knows that.

258
00:12:44,266 --> 00:12:45,967
Okay, well, hypothetically,

259
00:12:46,034 --> 00:12:47,502
if we had some sensitive documents

260
00:12:47,569 --> 00:12:50,372
involving Hampton DeVille and the CIA,

261
00:12:50,439 --> 00:12:51,808
could you help us leak them?

262
00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:55,011
That is within my powers, yes.

263
00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,312
Everything you need is on this,

264
00:12:56,379 --> 00:12:58,313
including a very exceptional PowerPoint

265
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,716
that I worked very hard on

266
00:12:59,783 --> 00:13:01,385
that you will want
to feature prominently.

267
00:13:03,052 --> 00:13:04,788
Okay, I'll check it out.

268
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:07,690
If it's all good, I'll release
it tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.

269
00:13:07,757 --> 00:13:09,191
- Why 11:00 a.m.?
- By 11:00 a.m.,

270
00:13:09,259 --> 00:13:11,027
everyone's at work, bored,
surfing the Internet,

271
00:13:11,093 --> 00:13:13,664
looking for something
to be outraged about.

272
00:13:13,730 --> 00:13:14,965
Someone's coming!

273
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:19,568
That's my car.

274
00:13:19,635 --> 00:13:22,206
Sorry, just having a secret meeting.

275
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:26,809
No, no, no, this is all wrong.

276
00:13:26,876 --> 00:13:29,212
Try Marker Felt.

277
00:13:30,347 --> 00:13:33,350
Oh, looks terrible. Okay, um...

278
00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:35,284
Do Bookman Old Style.

279
00:13:35,351 --> 00:13:38,188
- Old style?
- Old style.

280
00:13:38,255 --> 00:13:39,856
- No, too old.
- Too old.

281
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:41,356
- Ancient.
- It's ancient.

282
00:13:41,424 --> 00:13:43,760
- Papyrus.
- Delicious.

283
00:13:43,827 --> 00:13:47,429
Oh, God, no. Try... Wingdings.

284
00:13:47,496 --> 00:13:49,098
A classic.

285
00:13:49,165 --> 00:13:51,334
Oh, no, wait, we already tried this one.

286
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,702
- Oh, Jesus.
- Christian.

287
00:13:53,770 --> 00:13:56,005
I don't think the font is the problem.

288
00:13:56,073 --> 00:13:58,308
Stockheed was just trying
to get in your head.

289
00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:01,711
- It was psychological warfare.
- Fair enough.

290
00:14:01,778 --> 00:14:04,714
But Stockheed is right about
our products being untested.

291
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,150
No, if we want to start a war,

292
00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:10,587
we're going to need
more than a PowerPoint.

293
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:16,526
We're going to need soldiers.

294
00:14:22,398 --> 00:14:25,601
Okay, you ready to change the world?

295
00:14:25,669 --> 00:14:27,937
Yeah.

296
00:14:28,004 --> 00:14:29,239
Okay, we did it.

297
00:14:29,305 --> 00:14:30,473
And you're positive they won't be able

298
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,275
- to trace this back to us?
- Not to you.

299
00:14:32,342 --> 00:14:34,376
But they'll definitely
trace it back to Jake.

300
00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:36,346
- What?
- Oh, yeah.

301
00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:37,914
They'll track
your computer's IP address.

302
00:14:37,981 --> 00:14:39,649
They're really fast
with that these days.

303
00:14:39,716 --> 00:14:41,017
You're gonna want to leave the country.

304
00:14:41,083 --> 00:14:42,385
There's a ticket
to the Ukraine waiting for you

305
00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:45,722
at the airport
under the name Ralph Schnader.

306
00:14:45,789 --> 00:14:47,624
You can reimburse me on Bitcoin.

307
00:14:47,689 --> 00:14:49,224
Good luck.

308
00:14:52,062 --> 00:14:53,930
Matt, there's so many things

309
00:14:53,996 --> 00:14:55,899
I never got the chance to say to you,

310
00:14:55,966 --> 00:14:57,734
but they're pretty mean, so I won't.

311
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,669
Feed my cat.

312
00:14:59,736 --> 00:15:02,404
Hey, Matt, great news.
Christian changed his mind.

313
00:15:02,472 --> 00:15:04,140
He wants to use your PowerPoint.

314
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,775
We're all about to leave
for the CIA Blacksite,

315
00:15:05,842 --> 00:15:07,010
so grab your stuff, let's go.

316
00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:08,912
Have fun at the pitch.
See you guys later.

317
00:15:08,978 --> 00:15:11,547
Actually, Jake, Christian
wants you at the meeting too.

318
00:15:11,615 --> 00:15:12,914
Christian wants me at the meeting?

319
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:15,485
He asked for you both
by physical description.

320
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:19,055
Two white guys with no other
discernible features.

321
00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:25,060
So you want to go to war.

322
00:15:25,127 --> 00:15:29,832
But you don't want it to cost
an arm and a leg.

323
00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:39,942
This is Hampton DeVille.

324
00:15:40,009 --> 00:15:43,111
Those competitors that say
size doesn't matter?

325
00:15:43,178 --> 00:15:45,314
It does.

326
00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:49,185
Cost-effective carnage.
What more needs to be said?

327
00:15:52,221 --> 00:15:54,657
Creatively evading
the Geneva Convention.

328
00:15:54,723 --> 00:15:58,494
Who wants to worry about
all those persnickety laws?

329
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,029
All you need to remember
is we are the good guys,

330
00:16:01,097 --> 00:16:03,400
and you get to win.

331
00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,501
First, I just want to say
you guys all look great.

332
00:16:05,568 --> 00:16:07,068
Black is such a slimming color.

333
00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,438
You look so handsome and beautiful.

334
00:16:09,505 --> 00:16:12,341
You get twice the destruction
at half the price.

335
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:15,378
And we will match
any competitor's blast radius.

336
00:16:15,444 --> 00:16:17,946
That is a Hampton DeVille guarantee.

337
00:16:21,049 --> 00:16:22,751
And as you can see,

338
00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:27,255
Hampton DeVille
blows the competition away.

339
00:16:27,323 --> 00:16:30,092
And star wipe.

340
00:16:30,159 --> 00:16:32,128
The end.

341
00:16:35,398 --> 00:16:38,034
I loved the bullet bullet points.

342
00:16:38,101 --> 00:16:40,370
Before we finish, I'd like to invite up

343
00:16:40,437 --> 00:16:42,973
two of Hampton DeVille's
most valued employees.

344
00:16:51,214 --> 00:16:54,384
This is Tom.

345
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:57,386
And this is Jerry.

346
00:16:57,454 --> 00:17:00,557
And we're going to do
a little demonstration for you.

347
00:17:00,623 --> 00:17:03,659
Why should you trust a company
whose weapons are completely

348
00:17:03,726 --> 00:17:06,195
untested on the battlefield?

349
00:17:06,262 --> 00:17:10,066
Because at Hampton DeVille,
we believe in our products.

350
00:17:10,132 --> 00:17:13,236
Now these vests use half the Kevlar

351
00:17:13,303 --> 00:17:15,371
of normal bulletproof vests
which allows us

352
00:17:15,438 --> 00:17:19,042
to keep costs down
and pass the savings on to you.

353
00:17:19,108 --> 00:17:23,346
This is also an opportunity to
show off our HD200 sniper rifle

354
00:17:23,412 --> 00:17:25,347
with optional laser sights.

355
00:17:25,415 --> 00:17:29,351
We made the barrel 60% thinner
than our leading competitor.

356
00:17:29,418 --> 00:17:31,053
It dramatically reduces the costs

357
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,589
with only a minimal decrease
in accuracy.

358
00:17:33,656 --> 00:17:37,460
These men believe in Hampton DeVille.

359
00:17:37,526 --> 00:17:41,264
And after this demonstration,
I know you will too.

360
00:17:41,331 --> 00:17:43,733
Mr. DeVille, I don't think
this is necessary.

361
00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:45,434
Ready...

362
00:17:45,502 --> 00:17:46,503
They're gonna call our bluff, right?

363
00:17:46,570 --> 00:17:48,038
Christian promised they would,

364
00:17:48,103 --> 00:17:50,438
but God damn it, I hope they don't.

365
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:51,608
Aim...

366
00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,176
All right, you've convinced us.

367
00:17:53,242 --> 00:17:54,744
Which eye do you close?

368
00:18:08,123 --> 00:18:09,858
Honestly, I can't help but feel

369
00:18:09,926 --> 00:18:11,027
that I deserve this.

370
00:18:11,092 --> 00:18:12,829
I am so sorry. I don't know how

371
00:18:12,896 --> 00:18:16,465
to turn off Facebook
notifications on this phone.

372
00:18:16,532 --> 00:18:18,199
Oh, good lord.

373
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:21,169
Hampton DeVille has been hacked!

374
00:18:21,236 --> 00:18:23,907
This entire PowerPoint is on Facebook.

375
00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:26,242
Ah, man, this sucks.

376
00:18:26,309 --> 00:18:29,746
Now everybody knows
about our secret war!

377
00:19:09,919 --> 00:19:11,920
Oh, look, he's awake.

378
00:19:11,987 --> 00:19:14,489
I gotta get outta here.
They're gonna be coming for me.

379
00:19:14,556 --> 00:19:16,925
No, Jake, I hid your IP address.

380
00:19:16,993 --> 00:19:18,427
They'll never be able
to trace this back to you.

381
00:19:18,494 --> 00:19:19,963
Then why did you tell me they would?

382
00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,598
Because you reported me on HD-Whistle,

383
00:19:21,663 --> 00:19:23,398
you power hungry psycho weasel.

384
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:24,501
How did you find out?

385
00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:26,401
Just paid Grace 10 bucks.

386
00:19:26,468 --> 00:19:29,972
- You made me pay 20.
- Learn to negotiate.

387
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:31,507
You two better watch what you say.

388
00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:33,976
Because if anyone ever connects
this leak back to me,

389
00:19:34,043 --> 00:19:35,311
you're going viral.

390
00:19:35,378 --> 00:19:37,112
Wow, if you put
the two of those together,

391
00:19:37,179 --> 00:19:38,715
they'd make one great dick.

392
00:19:38,781 --> 00:19:40,784
The good news is
that because of the leak,

393
00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:44,254
there's no way the CIA is gonna
go through with the war.

394
00:19:44,321 --> 00:19:48,189
Great news. There's going to
be several wars.

395
00:19:48,256 --> 00:19:50,893
Countries who thought they
couldn't afford to go to war

396
00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:54,197
saw our PowerPoint
and now realize they can.

397
00:19:54,263 --> 00:19:58,467
Huh. So I prevented a war
but caused multiple wars?

398
00:19:58,534 --> 00:20:01,603
Yeah, but it seems like a lot
of people liked your PowerPoint.

399
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:04,439
And those people are terrorists.

400
00:20:04,506 --> 00:20:06,508
And the best part is, because
the CIA called off the coup,

401
00:20:06,575 --> 00:20:08,777
we [Bleep] blocked
those Stockheed assholes.

402
00:20:08,844 --> 00:20:11,547
This is a big win for everyone
at Hampton DeVille.

403
00:20:11,613 --> 00:20:14,182
But I'll never forget the names
of the people

404
00:20:14,249 --> 00:20:16,719
who helped me the most.

405
00:20:18,353 --> 00:20:21,557
Anonymous.

406
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,562
_

407
00:20:51,593 --> 00:20:55,133
_

408
00:21:01,030 --> 00:21:02,498
Garamond Bold.

409
00:21:02,564 --> 00:21:06,068
- I love a good Garamond.
- Damn it, that looks terrible.

410
00:21:06,136 --> 00:21:08,871
No, okay, um... Calibri.

411
00:21:08,938 --> 00:21:11,841
- Ah, very nice.
- No. No, no, no, no.

412
00:21:11,908 --> 00:21:14,960
- Sucks.
- Century Gothic Bold.