1
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:07,628
You walk down a hallway
and come to a wooden chest.

2
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:10,083
Lord Gray Matter, what do you do?

3
00:00:10,352 --> 00:00:13,529
I poke it with my dagger
to see if there are any traps.

4
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:15,713
There are no traps.

5
00:00:16,036 --> 00:00:18,152
Fire Beak, what do you do?

6
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:20,752
- Billy?
- What?

7
00:00:21,106 --> 00:00:22,505
You are Fire Beak.

8
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:24,345
Okay.

9
00:00:25,529 --> 00:00:27,242
So what do you do?

10
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:30,524
I'm Fire Beak.

11
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:33,536
Hey, guys, I brought snacks.

12
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,166
Thanks, Mom.

13
00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,328
What are y'all playing,
Chutes and Ladders?

14
00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:39,737
Tam is teaching us Dungeons & Dragons.

15
00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:41,226
Oh.

16
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:45,111
We're on a quest to find the pitchfork
of a devil named Baalzebul.

17
00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:46,490
I'm Fire Beak.

18
00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:48,955
And is this the devil?

19
00:00:48,991 --> 00:00:51,392
No, he's just a monster
who doesn't wear pants.

20
00:00:51,438 --> 00:00:52,839
Oh, I see.

21
00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,586
Yes, oh, he's just hanging
right out there, isn't he?

22
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,726
Okay, well...

23
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:01,192
You kids have fun.

24
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,028
My mother didn't believe in elves,

25
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,787
fairies, or dragons.

26
00:01:05,823 --> 00:01:06,856
George!

27
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:09,434
But she did believe in the devil.

28
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,568
And she did not view him

29
00:01:10,603 --> 00:01:13,171
as an appropriate playmate for her son.

30
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,238
George!

31
00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:32,428
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:35,824 --> 00:01:36,941
I'm worried.

33
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:40,387
There are incantations in this
book to summon actual demons.

34
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:42,645
Is that how we wound up with you?

35
00:01:43,441 --> 00:01:45,044
That's a good one.
I'm gonna give you that.

36
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,281
This is not a joke.

37
00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:48,084
This is one of the children's games

38
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,386
we were warned about in church.

39
00:01:49,422 --> 00:01:51,236
Then tell him to stop playing.

40
00:01:51,272 --> 00:01:52,396
It's not that easy.

41
00:01:52,432 --> 00:01:54,199
He's finally got a couple of friends.

42
00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:55,705
I don't want to scare them off.

43
00:01:55,806 --> 00:01:58,107
Well, when you're ready to scare kids,

44
00:01:58,143 --> 00:02:00,069
you got this face locked and loaded.

45
00:02:00,358 --> 00:02:02,009
All right, the other one was funny,

46
00:02:02,045 --> 00:02:03,557
now you're just being a jackass.

47
00:02:05,229 --> 00:02:06,994
I'm glad you're both amused,

48
00:02:07,030 --> 00:02:09,457
but our little boy's soul
may be at stake.

49
00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:10,467
Come on.

50
00:02:10,503 --> 00:02:12,837
When I was a kid, we were
listening to Black Sabbath,

51
00:02:12,873 --> 00:02:14,151
all that devil music.

52
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,984
Didn't hurt me.
Satan didn't get my soul.

53
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,888
What happened to it?
You trade it for some donuts?

54
00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,840
You had that one coming.

55
00:02:33,901 --> 00:02:35,735
Hello? Mr. Sparks?

56
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:37,228
- Oh, hello, Mary.
- Got a minute?

57
00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:38,418
Sure, what's up?

58
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:42,542
Um, I was just concerned about a
game that the boys were playing

59
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:44,638
and was wondering if you and
your wife knew about it.

60
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:45,672
A game?

61
00:02:45,747 --> 00:02:48,223
Yes, a very disturbing one.

62
00:02:48,259 --> 00:02:49,705
Well, what're we talking about?

63
00:02:49,741 --> 00:02:51,475
Did you catch those boys
playing grab ass?

64
00:02:51,511 --> 00:02:55,588
No. Dungeons & Dragons.

65
00:02:55,624 --> 00:02:57,357
So everybody's got their trousers up?

66
00:02:57,392 --> 00:02:59,282
- Yes.
- What's the problem?

67
00:02:59,727 --> 00:03:01,595
The game contains demonology,

68
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:04,193
which goes against
the teachings of the church.

69
00:03:04,229 --> 00:03:06,168
But nobody's touching nothing, right?

70
00:03:06,204 --> 00:03:07,234
No.

71
00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,306
Well, then I don't quite know
what you're worried about.

72
00:03:09,342 --> 00:03:10,675
- You don't?
- Nope.

73
00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,205
I'm just thankful Billy
found some friends

74
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,675
and he ain't eating dirt
and crabgrass any more.

75
00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,611
Some point, he just got a taste for it.

76
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:20,639
On an unrelated note, uh,

77
00:03:20,675 --> 00:03:22,175
you doing something new with your hair?

78
00:03:22,211 --> 00:03:24,178
It looks, uh, real pretty.

79
00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:26,920
No, but thank you.

80
00:03:27,455 --> 00:03:29,322
Okay, well, I'm gonna leave you to it.

81
00:03:29,357 --> 00:03:31,540
- Smells good, too.
- All right. Bye-bye.

82
00:03:31,576 --> 00:03:33,026
Hey, you want chicken for dinner?

83
00:03:33,061 --> 00:03:34,928
I'll slaughter a big one
for you right now.

84
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:36,022
I'm good.

85
00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:38,226
I'll kill one in case
you change your mind.

86
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,618
Now which one of you's
tired of this life?

87
00:03:44,239 --> 00:03:45,313
You.

88
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,714
Excuse me, Mr. Nguyen?

89
00:03:54,749 --> 00:03:55,654
Yes?

90
00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:57,990
Hi, you don't know me.
I'm Sheldon's mother.

91
00:03:58,019 --> 00:03:59,352
Ah, the smart boy.

92
00:03:59,387 --> 00:04:01,200
Yes, the smart boy.

93
00:04:01,236 --> 00:04:02,532
You are lucky.

94
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:04,802
To have a smart son is a great joy.

95
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,227
I do not have that joy.

96
00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:10,031
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

97
00:04:10,471 --> 00:04:12,499
Listen, are you aware
that Tam and Sheldon

98
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,794
are playing Dungeons & Dragons?

99
00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:16,263
Dungeons & Dragons?

100
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:20,006
Yes, and it's filled with
demons and satanic images.

101
00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:23,209
_

102
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:25,667
_

103
00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:27,608
_

104
00:04:27,823 --> 00:04:29,697
_

105
00:04:30,346 --> 00:04:32,696
So what is the problem with this game?

106
00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:35,922
The problem is, it goes against
the teachings of the church.

107
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:36,890
All right.

108
00:04:36,925 --> 00:04:38,367
Listen to me.

109
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,782
A problem is starving to death
in a Communist reeducation camp.

110
00:04:41,818 --> 00:04:43,444
A problem is not seeing your family

111
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,098
for many years while
you remove land mines

112
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:46,705
from the Ho Chi Minh trail.

113
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,736
A game boys play with
make-believe demons,

114
00:04:49,771 --> 00:04:50,942
not a problem.

115
00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:55,542
Well... I think they
can all be problems.

116
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:58,526
_

117
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,272
I'm sorry, I agree with you.

118
00:05:01,308 --> 00:05:02,474
I will talk to Tam.

119
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:04,800
Oh, good. Thank you.

120
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:07,637
Well, bye. Nice meeting you.

121
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:11,233
Five dollars.

122
00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,405
So, Pastor...

123
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:25,219
How's things going at the church?

124
00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,218
Please, call me Jeff.

125
00:05:27,296 --> 00:05:30,944
And everything's going great
'cause I have the coolest boss.

126
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:34,570
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
having a hard time

127
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,917
feeling the Holy Spirit
calling you Jeff.

128
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:40,135
I'm-I'm gonna stick with Pastor.

129
00:05:40,321 --> 00:05:41,456
Sure.

130
00:05:41,894 --> 00:05:43,519
Thank you, Pastor.

131
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,927
Yeah, that feels better.

132
00:05:46,210 --> 00:05:49,602
So nice of you to
come over, Pastor Jeff.

133
00:05:49,638 --> 00:05:51,080
He prefers Jeff.

134
00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,966
I'm sticking with Pastor.

135
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:56,220
Wait, I changed my mind.
I'm going with PJ.

136
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:59,680
Brings to mind pajamas,
but that's fine, too.

137
00:06:00,157 --> 00:06:03,343
Anyway, I'm sorry to drag you into this,

138
00:06:03,378 --> 00:06:05,877
but it is demons,
so it's in your purview.

139
00:06:05,913 --> 00:06:06,946
It is indeed.

140
00:06:06,981 --> 00:06:09,049
In fact, at a recent Young
Baptist Leaders Conference,

141
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:12,341
I attended a seminar on
satanic leisure activities.

142
00:06:12,377 --> 00:06:13,453
And?

143
00:06:13,488 --> 00:06:15,121
And the important lesson is,

144
00:06:15,156 --> 00:06:17,757
rather than have a parent
or authority figure

145
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,659
take the offending game away,

146
00:06:19,694 --> 00:06:22,711
let God remove it, root and stem.

147
00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:26,867
Question, PJ. Uh, how's
the big guy do that?

148
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,803
Simple, Sheldon needs to start
attending Sunday school.

149
00:06:29,838 --> 00:06:32,467
If he likes books
with demons and devils,

150
00:06:32,537 --> 00:06:35,141
I've got one that will blow his mind.

151
00:06:35,652 --> 00:06:37,025
What book is that?

152
00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:38,460
The Bible, George.

153
00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:39,729
Sure, yeah.

154
00:06:40,215 --> 00:06:42,382
I think that's a wonderful idea.

155
00:06:42,418 --> 00:06:43,982
Although, I am concerned

156
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:46,658
that we may get a little
pushback from Sheldon.

157
00:06:47,369 --> 00:06:48,621
A little?

158
00:06:49,087 --> 00:06:50,411
No, I won't go.

159
00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:52,135
I don't believe in God.

160
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:55,381
Well, now, what you
believe in is not the point.

161
00:06:55,417 --> 00:06:57,296
Mary, if I may...

162
00:06:57,332 --> 00:07:00,240
Sheldon, I understand you hope
to be a scientist someday.

163
00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:01,367
Yes, sir.

164
00:07:01,542 --> 00:07:02,775
Well, let me ask you a question.

165
00:07:02,872 --> 00:07:04,339
You say you don't believe in God,

166
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,272
but what kind of scientist
comes to a conclusion

167
00:07:06,307 --> 00:07:08,213
without first doing the research?

168
00:07:09,173 --> 00:07:10,698
A bad scientist.

169
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,694
That's right.

170
00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,879
So I'll see you Sunday morning at 8:00.

171
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:15,674
No, you won't.

172
00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:19,212
I cast a second level spell
of invisibility on myself.

173
00:07:22,921 --> 00:07:25,389
Well, that game isn't
making him any smarter.

174
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,895
Shelly, why aren't you asleep?

175
00:07:40,317 --> 00:07:42,692
I'm studying for Sunday school.

176
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:44,527
You're reading the Bible?

177
00:07:44,562 --> 00:07:46,343
That's wonderful.

178
00:07:46,765 --> 00:07:48,098
I do have a question.

179
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:49,633
Sure, what?

180
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:52,802
Is there anyone in our town
from the Amalek tribe?

181
00:07:53,163 --> 00:07:54,608
I don't know, why?

182
00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:59,042
If there is, we're supposed
to kill them and their cows.

183
00:07:59,308 --> 00:08:01,873
Well, no. There's no Amaleks.

184
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,592
Told you.

185
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:09,886
And lead us not

186
00:08:09,921 --> 00:08:11,855
into temptation,

187
00:08:11,890 --> 00:08:14,691
but deliver us from evil.

188
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,096
For thine is the kingdom

189
00:08:17,132 --> 00:08:19,646
and the power and the glory

190
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:21,498
forever and forever.

191
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:22,777
And ever. Amen.

192
00:08:22,813 --> 00:08:24,977
- Amen!
- Very good.

193
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,870
Now before we get started this morning,

194
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:29,306
I want to introduce two new students,

195
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:30,874
Sheldon and Missy Cooper.

196
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:32,309
Let's give them a warm welcome.

197
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:37,867
Yes, Billy?

198
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:39,045
I know them.

199
00:08:40,004 --> 00:08:41,046
Thank you, Billy.

200
00:08:41,082 --> 00:08:42,861
You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.

201
00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:45,889
Now, uh, last week,

202
00:08:45,924 --> 00:08:48,758
we started talking
about the Gospel of John.

203
00:08:48,793 --> 00:08:50,560
Does anybody have a notion

204
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:53,135
as to what God's getting
at in that passage?

205
00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:54,883
Yes, Sheldon?

206
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,033
Chapter one, verse one states,

207
00:08:57,068 --> 00:08:58,702
"In the beginning was the Word,

208
00:08:58,737 --> 00:09:01,781
and the Word was with God
and the Word was God."

209
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,277
Well done.

210
00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:06,776
Thank you. I read
the gospels last night.

211
00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:07,846
Suck up.

212
00:09:08,208 --> 00:09:10,424
Did you know when
the Bible says "the Word,"

213
00:09:10,460 --> 00:09:12,848
they're translating the
Greek expression "logos,"

214
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,551
and logos means knowledge.

215
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,861
Sounds like someone has
a noggin full of "logos."

216
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,340
Yes, Billy?

217
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:20,886
They live on my block.

218
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:22,877
Terrific.

219
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,129
...as Ellis will come in to punt.

220
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:29,228
Five kicks, 38-yard average

221
00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:31,201
I can't believe he's reading the Bible.

222
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:32,802
I know.

223
00:09:32,837 --> 00:09:35,205
I'm actually grateful to that
Dungeons & Dragons game.

224
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,507
It helped lead him to God.

225
00:09:38,476 --> 00:09:40,676
Ixnay on the Odskay.

226
00:09:43,982 --> 00:09:44,981
I'm done.

227
00:09:45,477 --> 00:09:46,887
You finished it?

228
00:09:47,191 --> 00:09:50,120
All of it. Ask me which
birds are kosher.

229
00:09:50,602 --> 00:09:52,555
I'll bite. Which birds are kosher?

230
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:55,625
Chickens, yes. Quail, yes.

231
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,492
Owls, surprisingly no.

232
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,276
Well, there ain't a lot of meat
on them anyway.

233
00:10:00,312 --> 00:10:01,279
Shelly,

234
00:10:01,315 --> 00:10:04,000
I'm so happy you're taking
an interest in religion.

235
00:10:04,035 --> 00:10:05,201
I am.

236
00:10:05,236 --> 00:10:08,371
And I've decided
to explore other religions, too.

237
00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:10,095
What's this, now?

238
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:11,741
Pastor Jeff encouraged me

239
00:10:11,776 --> 00:10:13,610
to approach religion scientifically,

240
00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:16,535
so it only makes sense
to enlarge my database.

241
00:10:16,571 --> 00:10:17,781
No, your database

242
00:10:17,816 --> 00:10:20,322
is Baptist. That's all
the data you need.

243
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,575
Baptist data.

244
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,421
What other religions you considering?

245
00:10:25,176 --> 00:10:26,222
Buddhist, Jewish,

246
00:10:26,257 --> 00:10:28,411
Hindu, Catholic, all of them.

247
00:10:28,447 --> 00:10:29,497
Nope. Nope.

248
00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:30,676
That's not happening.

249
00:10:30,979 --> 00:10:34,615
Well, why? As an American, don't
I have freedom of religion?

250
00:10:35,949 --> 00:10:37,139
Um...

251
00:10:37,702 --> 00:10:39,536
Those dungeons and dragons
are looking pretty good

252
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:41,237
right now, aren't they?

253
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,604
I'm also looking into voodoo.

254
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:51,527
Tam, you're Catholic, right?

255
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:52,415
Yes.

256
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:53,983
Explain it to me.

257
00:10:55,073 --> 00:10:56,085
Explain what?

258
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,887
Well, for starters, who do you pray to?

259
00:10:58,748 --> 00:11:01,658
I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.

260
00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:03,760
Jesus isn't God?

261
00:11:03,795 --> 00:11:05,383
No, he's his son.

262
00:11:05,586 --> 00:11:07,641
But you do eat him, and drink his blood.

263
00:11:08,321 --> 00:11:10,308
Oh, there's also a ghost,

264
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:11,734
but not the scary kind.

265
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,436
Like Casper?

266
00:11:13,471 --> 00:11:14,552
Exactly.

267
00:11:15,607 --> 00:11:17,073
And how does the pope work?

268
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,241
Well,

269
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:19,802
the pope lives in Italy.

270
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:23,006
He has a special car,
and a big pointy hat.

271
00:11:23,577 --> 00:11:25,170
It's a wonderful hat.

272
00:11:25,454 --> 00:11:27,521
And is there anything else
I should know about?

273
00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:28,868
Every once in a while,

274
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,740
you have to confess your sins
to a priest.

275
00:11:30,776 --> 00:11:32,789
Not me, I don't have any sins.

276
00:11:32,824 --> 00:11:34,490
Then you have the sin of pride.

277
00:11:36,069 --> 00:11:38,361
Your religion is making me feel bad.

278
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,200
That's how you know it's working.

279
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,267
Ms. Hutchins, what's your religion?

280
00:11:44,545 --> 00:11:46,035
I'm a Mormon, why?

281
00:11:46,070 --> 00:11:48,271
I'm conducting a research project.

282
00:11:48,306 --> 00:11:50,306
Can you tell me about being a Mormon?

283
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:53,109
Well, it started in New York,

284
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:56,206
when a man found gold plates
buried underground.

285
00:11:56,292 --> 00:11:57,512
The plates said that,

286
00:11:57,548 --> 00:12:00,149
when we die, we get to
go to our own planet.

287
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:02,068
Unless you're a woman,

288
00:12:02,104 --> 00:12:04,231
then you have to go
to your husband's planet.

289
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:07,056
But that won't be a problem for me.

290
00:12:07,236 --> 00:12:08,836
I don't have a husband.

291
00:12:08,872 --> 00:12:10,906
All I have is a cat.

292
00:12:10,942 --> 00:12:13,143
A big, mean cat.

293
00:12:13,179 --> 00:12:14,097
Oh...

294
00:12:14,132 --> 00:12:16,432
Maybe I'll get to go to his planet.

295
00:12:18,539 --> 00:12:21,171
Lonely Cheryl on Planet Cat.

296
00:12:22,888 --> 00:12:24,660
I like her. She's funny.

297
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:28,745
You're gonna love Ira.

298
00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,146
He's a great guy.

299
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:31,800
Is he your boyfriend?

300
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:34,284
Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.

301
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:38,230
- Hey.
- Is this a good time?

302
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:40,182
Absolutely. Come in, come in.

303
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:42,158
Ira, this is my grandson Sheldon.

304
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:44,632
Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.

305
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:46,162
- Hello.
- Howdy.

306
00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,974
So Meemaw tells me you're Jewish.

307
00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:51,146
Right to it, huh?

308
00:12:51,334 --> 00:12:53,703
All right, let's do this.
Please, sit down.

309
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,751
Thank you so much for helping out.

310
00:12:55,787 --> 00:12:57,841
Aw, Connie, you know, anything for you.

311
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,646
So, Sheldon,

312
00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:00,782
you hungry?

313
00:13:00,818 --> 00:13:01,978
You want a nosh?

314
00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:04,330
I don't know, I've never eaten a nosh.

315
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:06,482
Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing,

316
00:13:06,517 --> 00:13:07,584
it's a... never mind.

317
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:10,320
Um, would you care for some hard candy?

318
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,312
Are they kosher?

319
00:13:12,348 --> 00:13:13,556
Who are you, my mother?

320
00:13:14,592 --> 00:13:16,326
All right, so what can I do for you?

321
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:19,379
What's it like to be Jewish?

322
00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:21,431
Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.

323
00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:23,327
- Why?
- Well, for starters,

324
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:26,605
your life is hemmed in
by ancient, pointless rules.

325
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:29,005
There's a lot of yelling, and, uh,

326
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:31,741
you're probably not gonna get
into a good country club.

327
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:33,807
What about God?

328
00:13:33,843 --> 00:13:34,809
What about him?

329
00:13:35,095 --> 00:13:37,095
Does he play a part in your life?

330
00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:40,428
Well, historically, he's gotten
a kick out of punishing us.

331
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:42,602
What about Jesus?

332
00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:44,036
He was Jewish.

333
00:13:44,071 --> 00:13:45,605
Oh, we've got a lot of celebrities.

334
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,541
Uh, we've got, uh,
we got William Shatner,

335
00:13:48,576 --> 00:13:49,976
and Leonard Nimoy...

336
00:13:50,011 --> 00:13:52,011
Kirk and Spock?

337
00:13:52,046 --> 00:13:53,713
I want to be Jewish.

338
00:13:53,748 --> 00:13:55,381
Hold on a second.

339
00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:57,150
Hold... I got a question
for you, Sheldon.

340
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,447
When you grow up, are you
planning on living in Texas?

341
00:14:01,255 --> 00:14:02,522
Probably.

342
00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:05,224
Then I strongly advise you
to stay Baptist.

343
00:14:05,588 --> 00:14:07,515
Maybe even wear a cross.

344
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,229
Why did you move to Texas?

345
00:14:10,264 --> 00:14:11,464
Well, that's simple.

346
00:14:11,499 --> 00:14:14,567
Medford had no Jews,
so there was an opening for one.

347
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:17,524
And you got it? Good for you.

348
00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:20,490
I love this kid.

349
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:22,014
Me, too.

350
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,665
Mwah.

351
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:33,519
Hey.

352
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:34,954
How's it going?

353
00:14:34,989 --> 00:14:39,091
Good. Did you know that
Zoroaster believed in two gods?

354
00:14:39,126 --> 00:14:40,432
No, I did not.

355
00:14:40,612 --> 00:14:42,595
And the Taoists don't
believe in God at all.

356
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:44,597
They believe in a principle of harmony.

357
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:45,998
How very nice for them.

358
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,301
Shelly, I understand
you enjoy researching things.

359
00:14:48,336 --> 00:14:49,569
Love it.

360
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:52,305
But it's important to keep in mind

361
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,774
that there is only one true God.

362
00:14:54,809 --> 00:14:56,776
That's called monotheism.

363
00:14:56,811 --> 00:14:59,646
I have a book about it
if you're interested.

364
00:15:00,481 --> 00:15:03,750
That's okay, I have the book about it.

365
00:15:05,485 --> 00:15:08,931
Would you be angry with me
if I don't pick your religion?

366
00:15:10,491 --> 00:15:12,658
I could never be angry with you.

367
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:16,764
You be a seeker of your own truth.

368
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:20,333
Thanks, Mom.

369
00:15:24,104 --> 00:15:26,037
And if the truth turns out to be Satan,

370
00:15:26,073 --> 00:15:28,374
I will do battle with him.

371
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:51,775
Welcome, Sheldon.

372
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,268
We've been waiting for you.

373
00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:57,870
Are you the Ten Commandments?

374
00:15:57,905 --> 00:15:59,038
No.

375
00:15:59,073 --> 00:16:00,373
We are one.

376
00:16:00,408 --> 00:16:02,141
And zero.

377
00:16:02,176 --> 00:16:03,943
We are the binary code

378
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:06,025
that underlies the universe.

379
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:09,096
The ten thing is a common mistake.

380
00:16:09,627 --> 00:16:11,984
I want to understand God.

381
00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:13,386
Can you help me?

382
00:16:13,421 --> 00:16:15,388
Did you not hear what we just said?

383
00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,024
It's a binary universe.

384
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:19,458
God is yes and no.

385
00:16:19,493 --> 00:16:20,893
Left and right.

386
00:16:20,928 --> 00:16:22,161
On and off.

387
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:23,629
Something and nothing.

388
00:16:23,664 --> 00:16:25,002
Positive and negative.

389
00:16:25,038 --> 00:16:26,666
Male and female.

390
00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:27,967
Light and dark.

391
00:16:28,002 --> 00:16:30,706
But why is there evil and suffering?

392
00:16:30,742 --> 00:16:32,805
Well, without evil and suffering,

393
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,674
there is no good and happiness.

394
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:37,054
Oh, sure. Binary.

395
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:40,680
Shall we give him the
final piece of information

396
00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:43,322
that unlocks the secret of the universe?

397
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,052
Why not?

398
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,683
At least one human being should
know the reason for everything.

399
00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:49,443
Sheldon,

400
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:52,826
before the universe began...

401
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:55,789
Hey, dummy.

402
00:16:55,825 --> 00:16:57,859
You're drooling all over your books.

403
00:16:57,895 --> 00:16:58,918
Huh?

404
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:00,499
No.

405
00:17:00,534 --> 00:17:03,536
Zero was about to tell me
the secret and you ruined it.

406
00:17:04,939 --> 00:17:07,856
I never heard from One and Zero again.

407
00:17:08,036 --> 00:17:11,777
Although, I was once visited
by Nine when I had chickenpox.

408
00:17:11,812 --> 00:17:15,196
He was a lot less funny
than he thought he was.

409
00:17:16,733 --> 00:17:20,553
Okay, "What God means to me."

410
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:22,493
Who'd like to go first?

411
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:23,616
Billy.

412
00:17:23,652 --> 00:17:25,185
I'd like to go third.

413
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:27,560
All righty.

414
00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:28,961
Who's feeling brave?

415
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,666
Missy.

416
00:17:30,702 --> 00:17:31,968
I'll go second.

417
00:17:32,241 --> 00:17:34,967
Great. Does anybody want to go first?

418
00:17:35,002 --> 00:17:36,002
I'll go.

419
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:38,955
Okay. Come on up here, Sheldon.
Let's hear what you got.

420
00:17:41,292 --> 00:17:44,610
I've spent the last week
studying what people believe,

421
00:17:44,645 --> 00:17:46,312
and I've come to a conclusion.

422
00:17:46,347 --> 00:17:47,713
And what's that?

423
00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:50,395
- I'm starting my own religion.
- I'm sorry, what?

424
00:17:50,651 --> 00:17:52,585
I'm calling it Mathology.

425
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:55,087
It's based on a universal binary system.

426
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:58,090
That's terrific, Sheldon, but
this is a Baptist Sunday school.

427
00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:00,626
I know, I'm here to convert everybody.

428
00:18:00,661 --> 00:18:02,346
- Any takers?
- Okay.

429
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,040
Let's go have a talk with your mom.

430
00:18:04,298 --> 00:18:07,249
The only sin in Mathology
is being stupid.

431
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:15,578
Welcome to the Church of Mathology.

432
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,447
Today, I'd like to talk about prime
numbers, and why they bring us joy.

433
00:18:19,602 --> 00:18:21,369
Hallelujah!

434
00:18:24,814 --> 00:18:28,814
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