1
00:00:00,047 --> 00:00:02,796
- Previously on Mom...
- I was thinking I could stay

2
00:00:02,821 --> 00:00:05,498
an extra night for the express
purpose of taking you out.

3
00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:07,189
I'd really like that. Oh, great.

4
00:00:07,191 --> 00:00:09,692
Are you kidding me? You can't
go out with Adam's brother.

5
00:00:09,953 --> 00:00:12,812
And yet I've got my good bra
on and I'm headed out the door.

6
00:00:12,814 --> 00:00:15,030
Yeah, but I actually have
to get back home tomorrow.

7
00:00:15,343 --> 00:00:16,565
I'm gonna miss you.

8
00:00:17,203 --> 00:00:20,069
You think we should try
the long-distance thing?

9
00:00:20,071 --> 00:00:21,390
I'm game.

10
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:26,564
But while I've got you here...

11
00:00:29,171 --> 00:00:32,248
- _
- You ready for your coffee, babe?

12
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:33,415
No, thanks.

13
00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:35,615
Starting today, I am giving it up.

14
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,919
Seriously?

15
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,388
Coffee is your only source of water.

16
00:00:39,390 --> 00:00:41,841
When did water become such a big thing?

17
00:00:41,843 --> 00:00:44,727
Isn't it enough that I bathe in it?

18
00:00:45,343 --> 00:00:47,980
- Where did all this come from?
- I read it on Facebook.

19
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:50,266
"Five Things You Should
Give Up for a Happier Life."

20
00:00:50,268 --> 00:00:52,156
Was number one Facebook?

21
00:00:53,571 --> 00:00:56,822
Hey, how come you guys
didn't wake me up for school?

22
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,023
'Cause you're not seven.

23
00:00:59,078 --> 00:01:01,694
I wish I was. I liked living alone.

24
00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:05,612
- You want a bagel?
- Thanks, but all I need is coffee.

25
00:01:05,637 --> 00:01:09,139
How sad to be so dependent.
I remember those days.

26
00:01:10,254 --> 00:01:12,654
She gave up coffee 30 seconds ago.

27
00:01:12,679 --> 00:01:15,457
Good for you. You're a dead man.

28
00:01:15,459 --> 00:01:17,960
She's just kidding.

29
00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:19,461
Help me.

30
00:01:20,598 --> 00:01:22,381
Oh, damn.

31
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,550
I just missed another
phone call from Patrick.

32
00:01:24,664 --> 00:01:27,445
How does this happen? I was
holding my phone in my hand.

33
00:01:27,772 --> 00:01:29,805
Why do you hate love?

34
00:01:29,807 --> 00:01:31,473
Why don't you stop playing phone tag

35
00:01:31,475 --> 00:01:33,726
and just drive down to
Santa Cruz to see him?

36
00:01:33,728 --> 00:01:37,279
When? We have totally
opposite schedules.

37
00:01:37,411 --> 00:01:39,198
Relationships are torture.

38
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,232
Like water-boarding with sex.

39
00:01:42,216 --> 00:01:44,653
That's the sort of comment
that used to bother me

40
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:47,489
when I was under the
thumb of the brown god.

41
00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:54,775
This long-distance thing
is just so frustrating.

42
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,833
I'm not sure Patrick
and I can make it work.

43
00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:00,970
For what it's worth, I
hope you guys figure it out.

44
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:05,203
Oh, my God, I just
missed his call again!

45
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:07,039
How, how, how?!

46
00:02:08,846 --> 00:02:10,367
I'll see ya later.

47
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:13,432
Boy, I do not miss dating,
you know what I mean?

48
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:15,601
Take a sip of your coffee and kiss me.

49
00:02:20,942 --> 00:02:24,410
Hey, Patrick, sorry I
missed your call, yet again.

50
00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:25,945
I dropped my phone in the fountain

51
00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:27,246
in front of the library.

52
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,664
I was making a wish.

53
00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:30,916
Actually, I was wishing
you would call me.

54
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:32,368
Ironic, right?

55
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:34,003
Is it ironic?

56
00:02:34,005 --> 00:02:35,754
That's a word I should
probably stay away from

57
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,707
until I figure out what it really means.

58
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,426
Anyway, my phone still works, so...

59
00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:44,645
hit me back, as the kids say.

60
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:46,371
Yikes.

61
00:02:46,456 --> 00:02:49,507
Oh, by the way, this is Christy.

62
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,221
I should've stopped at
"Sorry I missed your call."

63
00:02:53,278 --> 00:02:55,224
Excuse me.

64
00:02:55,434 --> 00:02:58,027
Don't I know you from that
time we slept together?

65
00:02:58,302 --> 00:02:59,645
Hi, Cooper.

66
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,530
Sorry, I've been meaning
to catch up with you.

67
00:03:01,653 --> 00:03:03,899
Oh, now's your chance.
You mind if I sit?

68
00:03:04,403 --> 00:03:07,036
Kind of a bad time;
I-I really got to study.

69
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:10,539
Got it. I won't say a word.

70
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,211
Mm.

71
00:03:16,213 --> 00:03:17,604
Mm.

72
00:03:24,486 --> 00:03:26,403
"Bonjour.

73
00:03:27,963 --> 00:03:31,343
You are the hottest girl
in the student center."

74
00:03:32,895 --> 00:03:34,573
Cooper, seriously?

75
00:03:34,598 --> 00:03:36,598
It's not me. He has a mind of his own.

76
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,395
"And I cannot get you off of it."

77
00:03:39,341 --> 00:03:40,736
Very funny.

78
00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:43,655
"I am not trying to be
funny, I am trying to be sexy.

79
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,107
Hon, hon, hon."

80
00:03:45,302 --> 00:03:46,942
By being lame?

81
00:03:46,944 --> 00:03:48,277
"Oh, that depends.

82
00:03:48,279 --> 00:03:50,411
Is it working, Mon
petit ketchup packet?"

83
00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:57,096
"That was fantastique."

84
00:03:57,621 --> 00:03:59,768
It worked; knock it off.

85
00:04:06,193 --> 00:04:09,541
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

86
00:04:25,823 --> 00:04:27,439
Hey.

87
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:29,575
Oh, geez, you scared me!

88
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:31,860
I thought you gave up coffee.

89
00:04:31,862 --> 00:04:34,196
My head is pounding,
my colon's in gridlock,

90
00:04:34,198 --> 00:04:37,518
and I winged a butter plate at
Adam, so I'm back on the bean.

91
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:42,112
Yeah, yeah, good for you.
I had sex with Cooper.

92
00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:44,930
I'm sorry, what?

93
00:04:44,955 --> 00:04:46,989
I know. I feel so guilty.

94
00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:49,835
- Why?
- Because I'm seeing someone.

95
00:04:49,837 --> 00:04:52,671
Patrick? Oh, come on, you
haven't even slept with him.

96
00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:54,256
Believe me, I want to,

97
00:04:54,258 --> 00:04:56,961
but our genitals are
never in the same Zip Code.

98
00:04:57,311 --> 00:04:59,561
And that's not gonna
change anytime soon,

99
00:04:59,563 --> 00:05:01,430
so you're free to do whatever you want.

100
00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:04,530
It's like prison. Nobody's
married, nobody's gay.

101
00:05:07,359 --> 00:05:09,226
Whoa, Mom.

102
00:05:09,656 --> 00:05:11,456
You actually made me feel better.

103
00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:12,657
Thank you.

104
00:05:12,659 --> 00:05:14,218
You act like it's the first...

105
00:05:14,243 --> 00:05:15,860
You're welcome.

106
00:05:17,562 --> 00:05:20,214
Ugh, please don't tell Adam.

107
00:05:20,216 --> 00:05:22,108
Why would I tell him you're
cheating on his brother?

108
00:05:22,195 --> 00:05:25,146
He would see it that way.
I don't. Keep hugging.

109
00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:30,735
Ah...

110
00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:35,290
You never know how much you love
something until you give it up.

111
00:05:35,983 --> 00:05:39,160
You realize you're talking
to a table full of addicts?

112
00:05:39,623 --> 00:05:41,319
I don't see the connection.

113
00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:44,416
So, Christy, I'm confused.

114
00:05:44,418 --> 00:05:46,751
At your age, it's only gonna get worse.

115
00:05:48,277 --> 00:05:50,463
Are you and Cooper dating again?

116
00:05:50,488 --> 00:05:53,168
No. It was just a one-time thing.

117
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:56,344
Well, a two-time thing.

118
00:05:56,574 --> 00:05:58,621
I swung by on the way over here.

119
00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:00,949
Oh, look at you having it all.

120
00:06:00,974 --> 00:06:03,738
If you get a bladder infection,
I'm gonna be so proud.

121
00:06:05,154 --> 00:06:06,820
So you like this boy.

122
00:06:06,845 --> 00:06:09,060
No, I like Patrick.

123
00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:11,051
I'm just having fun with Cooper.

124
00:06:11,053 --> 00:06:14,338
Be careful, with your
bladder and your heart.

125
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,286
I'm fine.

126
00:06:19,318 --> 00:06:22,101
Guys do this stuff all
the time. Why can't I?

127
00:06:22,126 --> 00:06:25,445
Because you can't be intimate
without getting attached.

128
00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:26,886
Just 'cause I'm sober?

129
00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:28,945
No, because you're you.

130
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,187
I can do it, Bonnie can do it...

131
00:06:31,212 --> 00:06:33,828
Can do it blindfolded, and have.

132
00:06:34,743 --> 00:06:36,148
I'm doing it right now.

133
00:06:36,505 --> 00:06:39,156
He's an anesthesiologist.
I feel nothing.

134
00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:41,875
I'm sure he doesn't either.

135
00:06:48,686 --> 00:06:50,819
- Where you headed?
- Cooper's.

136
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,207
Dressed like that?

137
00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:54,168
That's the beauty of this thing.

138
00:06:54,193 --> 00:06:56,747
It requires virtually no effort.

139
00:06:57,270 --> 00:06:59,153
I text two words: "You up?"

140
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:00,911
And bam, it's on.

141
00:07:01,524 --> 00:07:05,777
One time it auto-corrected to
"Soup?" but it still happened.

142
00:07:07,666 --> 00:07:09,216
Hey, where you off to?

143
00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:12,153
Uh... to the store.

144
00:07:12,486 --> 00:07:15,403
Not the close one, the one
across town with the olive bar.

145
00:07:15,553 --> 00:07:17,220
God, I love olives.

146
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:20,180
Anyway, I might be a while.

147
00:07:20,299 --> 00:07:22,129
Would you mind picking up some coffee?

148
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,692
Your mom's blowing through a bag a day.

149
00:07:27,286 --> 00:07:29,440
- Sure.
- Well, as long as

150
00:07:29,965 --> 00:07:32,916
you're going... to the store...

151
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:35,637
... could you pick up some soup?

152
00:07:37,506 --> 00:07:41,758
Everybody loves a nice,
hot, sexy bowl of soup.

153
00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:44,404
Yeah, soup would be great.

154
00:07:46,355 --> 00:07:49,262
Got it. Coffee and soup.

155
00:07:50,394 --> 00:07:53,848
She's the best.
My brother does not deserve her.

156
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,005
Aw, that's sweet.

157
00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:56,813
You should've told her
that before she left.

158
00:08:03,699 --> 00:08:05,910
Oh, my God, it gets better every time.

159
00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:08,302
Sure does.

160
00:08:08,327 --> 00:08:10,906
- I got to go.
- Wait. Wait.

161
00:08:10,969 --> 00:08:13,553
Why are you always in
such a hurry to leave?

162
00:08:13,876 --> 00:08:16,918
Well, I'm busy, you're busy.

163
00:08:16,943 --> 00:08:18,226
Busy, busy, busy.

164
00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:21,002
Yeah, but this is working, right?

165
00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:23,217
Works for me.

166
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:24,635
I'm free Tuesday at 5:00,

167
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,104
as long as I'm back
in my car by 20 after.

168
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:28,700
Christy, come on.

169
00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:31,634
This isn't just hooking up anymore.

170
00:08:32,005 --> 00:08:33,610
It isn't?

171
00:08:33,612 --> 00:08:34,700
No.

172
00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:38,106
I am totally falling in love with you.

173
00:08:46,201 --> 00:08:47,567
Yup.

174
00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:51,844
? Falling in love with you. ?

175
00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:55,751
But you're a
24-year-old guy.

176
00:08:55,997 --> 00:08:58,547
24-year-old guys
don't fall in love.

177
00:08:58,549 --> 00:09:00,666
My mom says I'm an old soul.

178
00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:05,087
Well, I am a much older soul.

179
00:09:05,089 --> 00:09:07,840
And I have a lot of baggage.

180
00:09:07,842 --> 00:09:09,642
Lots and lots of baggage.

181
00:09:09,644 --> 00:09:11,942
Then let me help you carry it.

182
00:09:12,984 --> 00:09:14,705
Holy cow.

183
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:22,021
Cooper, look, I just don't
have the same feelings for you.

184
00:09:23,252 --> 00:09:24,471
Oh.

185
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:27,344
Well, now I'm a little embarrassed.

186
00:09:27,369 --> 00:09:29,369
I booped your nose and everything.

187
00:09:30,119 --> 00:09:32,837
I thought we were just
gonna keep it casual,

188
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,549
you know, having a good time.

189
00:09:34,997 --> 00:09:38,628
- You mean just sex?
- Exactly.

190
00:09:38,653 --> 00:09:41,070
I assumed we were on the same page.

191
00:09:41,978 --> 00:09:45,049
Well, we were not.

192
00:09:49,279 --> 00:09:53,969
So, just to be clear,
Tuesday at 5:00 not happening?

193
00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,574
Bonnie, Bonnie, wake up. Bonnie.

194
00:10:01,563 --> 00:10:04,652
It's sleepy time. I'll throw
you one in the morning.

195
00:10:04,654 --> 00:10:06,657
Bonnie. Bonnie.

196
00:10:06,682 --> 00:10:09,549
Okay, fine, but it's not
gonna be the Fourth of July.

197
00:10:09,821 --> 00:10:13,219
- I don't want to have sex.
- Why not? What's wrong with me?

198
00:10:13,576 --> 00:10:16,027
I'm worried about Christy; she
never came home from the store.

199
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:18,461
- Oh.
- Yeah.

200
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,548
Well, she takes forever.

201
00:10:21,573 --> 00:10:25,399
She walks down every
aisle, she talks to people,

202
00:10:25,424 --> 00:10:27,341
then she has to find someone tall

203
00:10:27,343 --> 00:10:29,426
to get stuff off the
top shelf. It's a circus.

204
00:10:29,946 --> 00:10:32,730
Why am I more worried
about your kid than you are?

205
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:36,149
God, now you sound like the
lady from Child Services.

206
00:10:36,563 --> 00:10:39,320
- What if she got in an accident?
- I think you're overreacting.

207
00:10:39,322 --> 00:10:41,196
I think you're under-reacting.
I'm gonna call the police.

208
00:10:41,221 --> 00:10:42,634
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

209
00:10:42,659 --> 00:10:45,860
Plunkett family rule
number one: no cops, ever.

210
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:48,112
What is wrong with you?

211
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:50,247
You know what? You're right.

212
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,782
I'm gonna text her.

213
00:10:52,514 --> 00:10:54,547
Oh. She actually texted me.

214
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:59,790
Uh, "Ran into Wendy.
She's having a crisis.

215
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,009
What else is new? Be home late."

216
00:11:02,011 --> 00:11:05,212
Huh. Well, that made
me horny. How 'bout you?

217
00:11:12,077 --> 00:11:14,772
Oh, hey, you're still up.

218
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,616
Yeah. How's Wendy?

219
00:11:16,892 --> 00:11:18,192
Wendy?

220
00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:20,361
Yeah, your mom said
she was having a crisis.

221
00:11:21,085 --> 00:11:23,731
Oh, yes. Wendy's crisis.

222
00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:25,921
So bad.

223
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:29,614
We ate your soup and drank your coffee.

224
00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:35,743
Sorry to hear that. What's wrong?

225
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,078
Ugh, I can't really talk about it.

226
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,155
It's an A.A. thing. It's a lady thing.

227
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:42,166
It's an A.A. lady thing.

228
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,412
Got it.

229
00:11:43,604 --> 00:11:45,687
Well, glad you made it home safe.

230
00:11:45,712 --> 00:11:47,095
I was a little worried.

231
00:11:47,686 --> 00:11:49,412
Oh.

232
00:11:49,604 --> 00:11:51,187
Thanks.

233
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:52,673
Night.

234
00:11:52,698 --> 00:11:53,981
Night.

235
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,399
Oh, damn it.

236
00:12:03,319 --> 00:12:05,105
Adam, I lied.

237
00:12:05,107 --> 00:12:07,537
I wasn't with Wendy.

238
00:12:07,562 --> 00:12:09,229
I was with a guy.

239
00:12:09,569 --> 00:12:11,328
A guy?

240
00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:13,715
A guy who isn't your brother.

241
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,098
Oh.

242
00:12:18,778 --> 00:12:21,255
Yeah, I've been seeing Patrick,

243
00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:25,028
but I've also been doing
this other thing, and...

244
00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:29,721
... I guess I'm kind of embarrassed.

245
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:32,347
Okay.

246
00:12:33,174 --> 00:12:36,551
Well, um, not proud of it, but...

247
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:41,123
there's a part of me that's...

248
00:12:41,148 --> 00:12:43,815
kind of laughing at
my brother right now.

249
00:12:45,059 --> 00:12:48,511
Tempted to call him up and
rub his nose in it.

250
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:50,200
You can't.

251
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,402
I won't. I-I won't.

252
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,737
Good, 'cause I really like him.

253
00:12:56,798 --> 00:12:58,408
I made a mess, didn't I?

254
00:12:58,433 --> 00:13:01,267
Like a dog after he ate a can of chili.

255
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,080
My dog did that once.

256
00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,428
We had to burn the carpet...

257
00:13:09,645 --> 00:13:12,196
I hope you don't think less of me.

258
00:13:13,404 --> 00:13:17,321
Christy, your life is your
life, but I got to tell you,

259
00:13:17,346 --> 00:13:19,913
all this, lying and sneaking around,

260
00:13:19,938 --> 00:13:21,354
it doesn't sound like you.

261
00:13:21,356 --> 00:13:23,022
Sounds more like your mom.

262
00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:26,976
Oh, my God, that's the
worst thing you could say.

263
00:13:27,134 --> 00:13:30,436
I'm sorry. I just mean
you're better than she is.

264
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,668
She knows. I told her.

265
00:13:34,662 --> 00:13:36,772
So...

266
00:13:37,289 --> 00:13:40,047
who is this guy who's not my brother?

267
00:13:41,314 --> 00:13:43,439
Just someone from school.

268
00:13:43,566 --> 00:13:45,983
It was supposed to be casual.

269
00:13:46,008 --> 00:13:48,208
My attempt at being a dude.

270
00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:51,318
But then he went and screwed
it up by having feelings for me.

271
00:13:51,484 --> 00:13:53,984
Hold on. Did you set
up the ground rules?

272
00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:56,593
No, I just assumed we
were on the same page.

273
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:58,117
Ooh, rookie mistake.

274
00:13:59,134 --> 00:14:01,010
Listen, if you're gonna act like a dude,

275
00:14:01,012 --> 00:14:02,540
you got to set up the rules.

276
00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:05,616
You got to say things like "I'm
not looking for a relationship,

277
00:14:05,641 --> 00:14:07,424
"I'm not built for a relationship,

278
00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:10,700
I'm not a relationship kind
of guy," that type of nonsense.

279
00:14:10,756 --> 00:14:13,212
Oh, you're right.

280
00:14:13,237 --> 00:14:15,370
Guys do say that.

281
00:14:15,705 --> 00:14:17,905
Guess I never really heard
it because at that point

282
00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,680
I'm always thinking, "I can change you,

283
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:21,622
I can change you, I can change you."

284
00:14:21,647 --> 00:14:25,482
When will women learn
they can't change men?

285
00:14:26,685 --> 00:14:29,911
Says the man who put a
ring on my mom's finger

286
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,936
and now listens to Adele.

287
00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:35,732
Son of a bitch.

288
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,647
Okay, how does this sound?

289
00:14:41,146 --> 00:14:42,552
"Dear Cooper... "

290
00:14:42,554 --> 00:14:43,693
Bad.

291
00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:46,186
It's a text, not a letter from camp.

292
00:14:46,822 --> 00:14:48,419
Don't send anything.

293
00:14:48,758 --> 00:14:50,925
But I need him to forgive me.

294
00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:53,115
How many times have you apologized?

295
00:14:53,402 --> 00:14:54,651
Four...

296
00:14:54,972 --> 00:14:56,888
teen.

297
00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:59,427
Did you try an Edible Arrangement?

298
00:14:59,452 --> 00:15:02,662
She's apologizing for
an "edible arrangement."

299
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,420
I am wasted on all of you.

300
00:15:09,414 --> 00:15:12,873
It's horrible. I can't eat, can't sleep.

301
00:15:12,898 --> 00:15:15,278
This is what I was worried about.

302
00:15:15,303 --> 00:15:16,502
You developed feelings.

303
00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:18,304
Oh, I get it.

304
00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:19,576
"Edible."

305
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,927
Cooper developed the stupid feelings.

306
00:15:23,929 --> 00:15:25,428
I was the dude.

307
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:26,896
If you were really the
dude, you wouldn't care.

308
00:15:26,934 --> 00:15:28,350
You would ride off on your motorcycle

309
00:15:28,375 --> 00:15:30,158
and go shoot pool, maybe a bear.

310
00:15:30,716 --> 00:15:33,349
I'm not even listening to her anymore.

311
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:35,507
Honey, you're just gonna
have to live with the fact

312
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:37,816
that there's somebody out
there who doesn't like you.

313
00:15:37,841 --> 00:15:40,141
"Doesn't like you"? He hates her guts.

314
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,782
And FYI, he's not alone.

315
00:15:42,521 --> 00:15:44,330
I'm just saying

316
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:46,950
that it's not fair for
you to continue hurting him

317
00:15:46,952 --> 00:15:48,623
just to make yourself feel better.

318
00:15:49,436 --> 00:15:51,219
She's so wise.

319
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:53,661
And yet she thought a
purple velor tracksuit

320
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,102
was a good idea.

321
00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:57,844
Fine.

322
00:15:57,846 --> 00:16:00,302
- I'll leave Cooper alone.
- Good.

323
00:16:00,715 --> 00:16:02,631
Now, who else hates me?

324
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:04,546
Greg at the Thursday night meeting.

325
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:08,573
- Who's Greg?
- The guy you always call Scott.

326
00:16:09,662 --> 00:16:12,725
Oh, my God, Scott hates me?

327
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,010
Hi.

328
00:16:37,669 --> 00:16:39,828
Oh, God, when do you graduate?

329
00:16:42,742 --> 00:16:45,675
Look, I know I already said I was sorry,

330
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:49,235
but I just need you to know
that I'm really, really sorry.

331
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:52,042
I just don't get it, Christy.

332
00:16:52,067 --> 00:16:54,367
I mean, it would be one thing
if there was another guy.

333
00:16:54,392 --> 00:16:56,078
Ooh, there is!

334
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,852
There's totally another guy.

335
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,166
Does that help?

336
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:02,563
Not as much as I hoped.

337
00:17:03,098 --> 00:17:06,695
What I mean is if I was
able to actually see him,

338
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,320
I wouldn't have needed you.

339
00:17:09,636 --> 00:17:11,419
Oops, that came out a little harsh.

340
00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:13,794
Everything you say
comes out a little harsh.

341
00:17:14,913 --> 00:17:17,630
I just mean that it's
a long-distance thing,

342
00:17:17,655 --> 00:17:19,988
and I was frustrated
because it was so complicated

343
00:17:20,013 --> 00:17:21,463
and you were so easy.

344
00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,821
Your apology is making
me want to kill myself.

345
00:17:25,034 --> 00:17:29,006
- That's not what I want.
- Okay, then what do you want?

346
00:17:30,761 --> 00:17:33,338
I guess I want to be with the other guy.

347
00:17:33,363 --> 00:17:34,221
Then go.

348
00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:40,521
"Okay. Well, perhaps
you will take comfort

349
00:17:40,546 --> 00:17:43,463
"in the fact that I
will die long before you.

350
00:17:45,304 --> 00:17:46,853
Au revoir."

351
00:17:57,467 --> 00:17:59,300
Marjorie said moderation is key,

352
00:17:59,302 --> 00:18:02,327
so I'm just gonna have
one cup of coffee a day.

353
00:18:03,022 --> 00:18:04,772
I can live with that.

354
00:18:06,059 --> 00:18:07,859
You must have been a fun drunk.

355
00:18:07,861 --> 00:18:11,155
I had a small but
fervent cult following.

356
00:18:16,903 --> 00:18:20,071
Wow. Christy's driving down
to Santa Cruz to see Patrick.

357
00:18:20,073 --> 00:18:23,074
She said she's either gonna make
it work or get her heart broken.

358
00:18:23,317 --> 00:18:25,577
I can't believe she's that
crazy about my brother.

359
00:18:25,579 --> 00:18:27,212
He's kind of a tool.

360
00:18:27,536 --> 00:18:29,414
We are so lucky to have each other.

361
00:18:29,416 --> 00:18:31,523
Yeah, we are. And, hey, you don't ever

362
00:18:31,548 --> 00:18:33,665
have to worry about me cheating on you.

363
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:35,637
I wasn't, but go on.

364
00:18:35,639 --> 00:18:37,338
I mean, juggling girlfriends,

365
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,924
trying to remember which lie
you told who, sneaking around.

366
00:18:39,926 --> 00:18:42,093
Being with you is so much less trouble.

367
00:18:42,095 --> 00:18:44,535
Look at you, writing your vows already.

368
00:18:45,178 --> 00:18:46,648
No, no, you know what I meant.

369
00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:48,766
I do. And you know if
you ever did cheat on me,

370
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:50,185
I would take the wheels off your chair

371
00:18:50,187 --> 00:18:51,236
and leave you in the woods.

372
00:18:51,238 --> 00:18:53,021
I do.

373
00:18:56,629 --> 00:18:59,021
It's just kind of wonderful
that Christy's racing

374
00:18:59,046 --> 00:19:02,650
down the highway, wind in her
hair, all in the name of love.

375
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:05,047
? I'm so excited ?

376
00:19:05,564 --> 00:19:08,277
? And I just can't hide it ?

377
00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:12,500
? I know, I know, I know,
I know, I know ?

378
00:19:12,525 --> 00:19:14,318
? I want you, I want you. ?

379
00:19:14,342 --> 00:19:18,164
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --