1
00:00:14,599 --> 00:00:16,412
Hey, Matt.

2
00:00:16,452 --> 00:00:18,756
Got your email with the report.
Thanks so much for sending.

3
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:21,078
Question: did you CC John on that?

4
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:22,813
Uh, yes. I believe I did.

5
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,782
Oh, that's interesting,
'cause I'm looking

6
00:00:24,783 --> 00:00:27,118
at that email right now, and you didn't.

7
00:00:27,119 --> 00:00:28,119
Oh.

8
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,587
You BCC'd me.

9
00:00:29,588 --> 00:00:31,389
Oh. Uh...

10
00:00:31,390 --> 00:00:33,090
You still got the email then, right?

11
00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:34,188
- I did.
- Look.

12
00:00:34,213 --> 00:00:35,586
I know you're new around here,
so I just want to

13
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:37,829
make sure that you understand
the email protocol.

14
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:41,497
You always CC both John and I
on all work emails,

15
00:00:41,498 --> 00:00:44,101
'cause if you BCC him,
then I can't check

16
00:00:44,102 --> 00:00:46,204
to make sure that you CC'd him, hmm?

17
00:00:46,205 --> 00:00:47,238
Got it.

18
00:00:47,239 --> 00:00:48,839
- I made a mistake.
- Great.

19
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,774
Question: why did you make that mistake?

20
00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:53,511
Um...

21
00:00:53,512 --> 00:00:55,345
I guess I'm a little tired this morning.

22
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,347
- Aww, gosh.
- Uh-huh.

23
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,514
Why are you so tired?

24
00:00:58,515 --> 00:01:01,184
I have anxiety that sometimes
keeps me up at night.

25
00:01:01,185 --> 00:01:03,119
What causes this anxiety?

26
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,788
I guess sometimes
I feel like this can be

27
00:01:04,789 --> 00:01:06,923
sort of a confrontational
work environment.

28
00:01:06,924 --> 00:01:08,592
Hey, bud, Hampton DeVille encourages

29
00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,261
aggressive confrontational criticism.

30
00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:12,029
Why don't you like confrontation?

31
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,031
Defend your position.

32
00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,464
Oh. Uh...

33
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,699
No, I mean, I think
confrontation is a good thing.

34
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,101
It's just sometimes confrontation

35
00:01:18,102 --> 00:01:19,268
hurts my job performance

36
00:01:19,269 --> 00:01:21,404
and damages my personal wellbeing.

37
00:01:21,405 --> 00:01:22,639
Uh-oh; well, if you can't

38
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,307
manage your emotions, Matt,

39
00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:25,842
what makes you think you're qualified

40
00:01:25,843 --> 00:01:27,610
to manage people at this company?

41
00:01:27,611 --> 00:01:29,213
Honestly, I don't know.

42
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:30,214
Oh.

43
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,650
I never really saw myself here.

44
00:01:31,651 --> 00:01:34,585
I mean, after college,
I volunteered for a program

45
00:01:34,586 --> 00:01:38,088
teaching underprivileged kids
because I wanted to help people,

46
00:01:38,089 --> 00:01:40,324
but then one of the students stabbed me,

47
00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:42,326
and the school was pretty dirty

48
00:01:42,327 --> 00:01:44,595
and I just realized
I wasn't cut out for it.

49
00:01:44,596 --> 00:01:47,330
So I moved back in with my parents,

50
00:01:47,331 --> 00:01:49,733
which, I'm pretty sure
led to them getting a divorce,

51
00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:52,504
because that's what
they told me happened.

52
00:01:52,505 --> 00:01:56,507
Then I worked a series of jobs
that eventually landed me here,

53
00:01:56,508 --> 00:01:57,809
where I'm just a cog

54
00:01:57,810 --> 00:02:00,043
in a soulless corporate machine,
and I'm not...

55
00:02:00,044 --> 00:02:01,880
Okay, well, just make sure that you CC

56
00:02:01,881 --> 00:02:03,781
both John and I on all work emails.

57
00:02:03,782 --> 00:02:05,048
It's a simple mistake,

58
00:02:05,049 --> 00:02:06,283
but it's just important
to follow protocol.

59
00:02:06,284 --> 00:02:07,418
Yes.

60
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:09,352
Jake, question:

61
00:02:09,353 --> 00:02:10,555
why do you think it's okay

62
00:02:10,556 --> 00:02:12,290
to come in to work
with your shirt untucked?

63
00:02:12,291 --> 00:02:15,059
Because life is meaningless,
and nothing we do matters.

64
00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:16,425
Okay, great.

65
00:02:16,426 --> 00:02:18,062
- Have a great day, you two.
- Thanks, guys.

66
00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:39,357
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

67
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:42,754
Hampton DeVille has emerged
as one of the largest,

68
00:02:42,755 --> 00:02:45,656
most profitable corporations
in the world,

69
00:02:45,657 --> 00:02:48,826
with over 300,000 employees
internationally,

70
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:51,661
their footprint
stretches across the globe.

71
00:02:51,662 --> 00:02:54,497
Under the leadership
of their CEO Christian DeVille,

72
00:02:54,498 --> 00:02:56,633
they've become market leaders
in everything

73
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,970
from agricultural goods
to pharmaceuticals,

74
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:03,607
from household appliances
to industrial weaponry.

75
00:03:03,608 --> 00:03:05,542
You've probably heard their slogan.

76
00:03:05,543 --> 00:03:08,412
Hampton DeVille: we make everything.

77
00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:10,380
But now they are attempting
to muscle their way

78
00:03:10,381 --> 00:03:15,084
up the highly competitive tech industry.

79
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,721
Today marks the launch of the Obelisk,

80
00:03:17,722 --> 00:03:20,055
Hampton DeVille's touch screen tablet

81
00:03:20,056 --> 00:03:21,292
which boasts a screen

82
00:03:21,293 --> 00:03:24,061
eight times the size of the iPad.

83
00:03:24,062 --> 00:03:27,632
But that launch may be in jeopardy

84
00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:29,701
after an insensitive tweet was sent out

85
00:03:29,702 --> 00:03:32,470
from Hampton DeVille's
twitter account earlier today.

86
00:03:32,471 --> 00:03:35,640
As Hurricane Letisha continues
to devastate the Gulf Coast,

87
00:03:35,641 --> 00:03:37,174
Hampton DeVille tweeted,

88
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:40,378
"Was your house blown away
by Hurricane Letisha?

89
00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:43,313
"Pick up the Obelisk
to follow hurricane news.

90
00:03:43,314 --> 00:03:45,715
You'll be blown away by the size."

91
00:03:45,716 --> 00:03:47,751
In response to the offensive tweet,

92
00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:51,221
the Internet is calling for
a boycott of the Obelisk.

93
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,341
Do you think we're gonna
get to eat anything today?

94
00:04:11,342 --> 00:04:12,543
Don't count on it.

95
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,545
There's a rigid food hierarchy here.

96
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,781
Executives get first pick,
then junior executives,

97
00:04:16,782 --> 00:04:18,582
then us, the junior executives
in training.

98
00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:20,450
$500 billion corporation.

99
00:04:20,451 --> 00:04:22,353
and they never have enough
bagels for everyone.

100
00:04:22,354 --> 00:04:23,954
Why didn't you eat breakfast
before work?

101
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:25,189
I didn't have time.

102
00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:27,457
I hit the snooze button
15 times this morning,

103
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:30,627
which is a new record that
I'm actually kind of proud of.

104
00:04:30,628 --> 00:04:31,661
Did you eat anything?

105
00:04:31,662 --> 00:04:32,762
No.

106
00:04:32,763 --> 00:04:33,863
I'm trying to watch my figure.

107
00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:35,365
I want to have a hot body

108
00:04:35,366 --> 00:04:36,966
'cause I'm tired of
developing my personality.

109
00:04:36,967 --> 00:04:38,435
Yeah, I've been there.

110
00:04:38,436 --> 00:04:39,969
Yum.

111
00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:41,137
I love eclairs.

112
00:04:41,138 --> 00:04:43,307
Oh, my God. This is so good.

113
00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:46,642
I'm gonna take two.

114
00:04:46,643 --> 00:04:47,743
Aggressive.

115
00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:49,279
Confident.

116
00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:51,949
I like that you're not afraid
to take what you want.

117
00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,954
Damn it. There's only two bagels left.

118
00:04:56,955 --> 00:04:59,021
Whoa, have you seen this tweet
the company sent out?

119
00:04:59,022 --> 00:05:00,591
The Internet is freaking out about it.

120
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:02,827
"You'll be blown away by the size"?

121
00:05:02,828 --> 00:05:04,094
Jesus Christ.

122
00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:05,428
We're living inside of a nightmare.

123
00:05:09,801 --> 00:05:11,702
Why in the [Bleep]

124
00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:14,004
is everyone
standing around eating bagels

125
00:05:14,005 --> 00:05:16,274
while we are being crucified
on the Internet?

126
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:18,375
Spit out those bagels!
We have work to do!

127
00:05:23,515 --> 00:05:24,949
No!

128
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:26,149
Sorry.

129
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:29,286
Everyone in this room,

130
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,056
look to your left.

131
00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,625
Now...

132
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,961
look to your right.

133
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,964
100% of those people

134
00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:44,334
are ruining my [Bleep] day.

135
00:05:44,335 --> 00:05:46,235
Look, that one over there's still good.

136
00:05:46,236 --> 00:05:47,637
I'm gonna get it after the meeting.

137
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,473
Yeah, but there's no cream cheese.

138
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,476
On the wall over there.

139
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:52,908
Into developing the Obelisk,

140
00:05:52,909 --> 00:05:55,144
and now its success is being threatened

141
00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:56,814
by a [Bleep] tweet.

142
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:00,584
[Bleep] you.

143
00:06:02,587 --> 00:06:04,322
I wish I could be more like Christian.

144
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,423
Why? He acts like a complete psychopath

145
00:06:06,424 --> 00:06:07,490
and nobody stands up to him.

146
00:06:07,491 --> 00:06:08,591
Exactly.

147
00:06:08,592 --> 00:06:09,694
He fought his way to the top,

148
00:06:09,695 --> 00:06:10,995
and now he gets to treat people

149
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,529
like they're his personal service dogs.

150
00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:14,264
If I ever get to the top,
I'm gonna at least

151
00:06:14,265 --> 00:06:16,199
make sure everyone gets a goddamn bagel.

152
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,233
Don't worry.

153
00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:18,368
You'll be corrupted by power.

154
00:06:18,369 --> 00:06:19,435
That's part of growing up.

155
00:06:19,436 --> 00:06:21,171
I want to tell you a story.

156
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,772
It's about a shepherd.

157
00:06:23,773 --> 00:06:26,209
One day, he lost his entire flock.

158
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:28,447
I mean, every single sheep took off

159
00:06:28,448 --> 00:06:30,214
except one.

160
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:33,117
So there he is, out in the middle

161
00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:35,353
of this open field with just one sheep,

162
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,021
and what do you think he did?

163
00:06:39,056 --> 00:06:42,625
He pulled out a gun,
and he blew its brains out.

164
00:06:42,626 --> 00:06:45,795
Then he went out
and got himself a real job,

165
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,464
because being a shepherd

166
00:06:47,465 --> 00:06:50,466
pays shit.

167
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:53,137
Well, people, that ain't me.

168
00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:55,639
Because we are in cattle country,

169
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,141
and I am Ben Cartwright,

170
00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:59,476
and this is [Bleep] "Bonanza!"

171
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:09,418
So how bad is this?

172
00:07:09,419 --> 00:07:11,454
We ran the numbers,
and more people are outraged

173
00:07:11,455 --> 00:07:13,423
about the tweet than they are
about the hurricane.

174
00:07:13,424 --> 00:07:15,259
Comparatively, people like the hurricane

175
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,759
more than they like the tweet.

176
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,062
Jesus Christ.

177
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,964
We have got to distract people
from this tweet.

178
00:07:19,965 --> 00:07:21,497
So what are our options?

179
00:07:21,498 --> 00:07:23,267
Can we start a different hurricane?

180
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,502
Have we finished building
that hurricane machine yet?

181
00:07:25,503 --> 00:07:27,603
Uh...

182
00:07:27,604 --> 00:07:29,038
Sir, I...

183
00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:31,776
I believe I speak for everyone...

184
00:07:31,777 --> 00:07:33,444
Bruce?

185
00:07:33,445 --> 00:07:34,945
When I say we thought you were joking

186
00:07:34,946 --> 00:07:36,346
when you asked us to do that.

187
00:07:36,347 --> 00:07:40,283
I would never joke about hurricanes.

188
00:07:40,284 --> 00:07:42,151
That's what got us into this mess.

189
00:07:42,152 --> 00:07:43,420
Does it ever bother you

190
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,057
that the corporation we work for
is, like, evil?

191
00:07:46,058 --> 00:07:47,457
Every corporation is evil.

192
00:07:47,458 --> 00:07:49,260
- At least we get health benefits.
- Yeah.

193
00:07:50,361 --> 00:07:51,795
Wait. You get health benefits?

194
00:07:51,796 --> 00:07:53,262
Sir,

195
00:07:53,263 --> 00:07:55,232
they're turning you
into a meme on the Internet.

196
00:08:01,371 --> 00:08:03,572
We'll see who has a small penis

197
00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:06,909
once I have my hurricane machine.

198
00:08:06,910 --> 00:08:09,180
And you two need to find out who
wrote that tweet and fire them.

199
00:08:09,181 --> 00:08:10,314
We're on top of it, sir.

200
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,848
We will handle it personally.

201
00:08:11,849 --> 00:08:13,251
You two need to find out

202
00:08:13,252 --> 00:08:14,919
who wrote that tweet and fire them.

203
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,453
Thought you guys said you would do it.

204
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,188
Telling you to do it is doing it.

205
00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:19,924
Yeah, you guys should be excited.

206
00:08:19,925 --> 00:08:22,760
We want to use you as our tools
in this situation.

207
00:08:22,761 --> 00:08:24,594
Yes, think of yourself as tools.

208
00:08:24,595 --> 00:08:25,864
You guys are tools.

209
00:08:27,264 --> 00:08:28,766
I don't know if I can fire someone.

210
00:08:28,767 --> 00:08:30,199
I hate confrontation.

211
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,635
When I first met my brother-in-law,

212
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,770
he thought my name was Mark,
and I never corrected him.

213
00:08:33,771 --> 00:08:35,771
So now I just don't go to
Thanksgiving anymore.

214
00:08:35,772 --> 00:08:37,473
Dude, you don't get it. This is big.

215
00:08:37,474 --> 00:08:38,809
Getting to fire someone

216
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,777
is like when a mafia don
sends you on your first hit.

217
00:08:40,778 --> 00:08:42,612
- It means we're in.
- What if I don't want to do it?

218
00:08:42,613 --> 00:08:43,613
Then we get whacked.

219
00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:44,815
I think if I was in the mafia,

220
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:45,949
I would just be the guy

221
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:47,383
who stayed home and made spaghetti.

222
00:08:47,384 --> 00:08:49,353
This is the first time
in five years of working here

223
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,954
that I've been given any sort of power.

224
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:53,224
And I'm going to abuse it
for all that it's worth.

225
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,227
Can I tell you something else?

226
00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:59,396
The idea of firing someone
kind of turns me on.

227
00:08:59,397 --> 00:09:01,464
- Your sexuality worries me.
- Me too.

228
00:09:01,465 --> 00:09:03,367
I don't understand
the porn I'm into these days.

229
00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,536
Jake, please don't tell me
what kind of porn you watch.

230
00:09:05,537 --> 00:09:06,770
Tentacle porn?

231
00:09:06,771 --> 00:09:08,371
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've watched that.

232
00:09:08,372 --> 00:09:10,105
But honestly, nowadays, my ideal porn

233
00:09:10,106 --> 00:09:11,641
would just be all of my ex-girlfriends

234
00:09:11,642 --> 00:09:13,444
saying sorry to me at the same time.

235
00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:15,713
That already exists.
It's called apology bukaki.

236
00:09:15,714 --> 00:09:16,946
Hey, Grace.

237
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,549
Hi, guys. What's up?

238
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,952
We need to know who runs the
Hampton DeVille twitter account.

239
00:09:20,953 --> 00:09:22,286
Okay.

240
00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:24,054
Looks like that would be Baron.

241
00:09:24,055 --> 00:09:26,622
He's our social media "guru."

242
00:09:26,623 --> 00:09:28,624
Wait. Is this about that tweet?

243
00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:31,326
Yeah, John and Kate said we
have to fire whoever wrote it.

244
00:09:31,327 --> 00:09:33,464
They're finally
letting you guys fire someone?

245
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,431
Congratulations.

246
00:09:35,432 --> 00:09:36,999
Who's gonna pull the trigger?

247
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,002
I am.

248
00:09:38,003 --> 00:09:40,335
He's just gonna watch.

249
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:45,309
Look at these people.

250
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:47,777
Is everyone at this company
clinically depressed?

251
00:09:47,778 --> 00:09:49,313
Everyone here is hanging by a thread.

252
00:09:49,314 --> 00:09:51,082
They could snap at any moment.

253
00:09:51,083 --> 00:09:52,983
These were all children once.

254
00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:54,917
Happy, innocent children.

255
00:09:54,918 --> 00:09:56,920
And now look at them.
How did this happen?

256
00:09:56,921 --> 00:09:58,955
They're all just trying
to fill the void.

257
00:09:58,956 --> 00:09:59,956
The void?

258
00:09:59,957 --> 00:10:01,291
You know,

259
00:10:01,292 --> 00:10:04,094
the emptiness
that exists inside all of us.

260
00:10:04,095 --> 00:10:05,329
Oh, right. Of course.

261
00:10:06,763 --> 00:10:08,098
The void.

262
00:10:18,609 --> 00:10:19,743
Watch this.

263
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,512
I'm gonna take this guy out.

264
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:25,815
Hey, Baron.

265
00:10:25,816 --> 00:10:27,417
Listen up.

266
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,118
We know you wrote that tweet.

267
00:10:29,119 --> 00:10:31,554
You're a bad employee,
an even worse person,

268
00:10:31,555 --> 00:10:33,223
and even bigger loser.

269
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:35,725
Your only job is to tweet,

270
00:10:35,726 --> 00:10:37,795
yet you still managed
to ruin the reputation

271
00:10:37,796 --> 00:10:41,131
of the entire company, so guess what.

272
00:10:41,132 --> 00:10:42,331
You're fired.

273
00:10:45,134 --> 00:10:46,170
What's your name?

274
00:10:46,171 --> 00:10:47,637
Jake Levinson.

275
00:10:47,638 --> 00:10:50,140
You know what's cool about
the Internet, Jake Levinson?

276
00:10:50,141 --> 00:10:51,842
It keeps a record of
pretty much everything

277
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:53,776
you ever say or do.

278
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:55,212
For example, I just found this video

279
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:56,414
of the punk band
you sang for in college.

280
00:10:56,415 --> 00:10:57,815
Oh, no.

281
00:10:57,816 --> 00:11:00,215
? Don't get a job,
fight the government ?

282
00:11:00,216 --> 00:11:03,087
? Steal from the rich,
punch the president ?

283
00:11:03,088 --> 00:11:04,688
And what's your name?

284
00:11:04,689 --> 00:11:06,089
I'm not going to tell you,
because I never figured out

285
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:08,491
how to deactivate my LiveJournal
from high school.

286
00:11:08,492 --> 00:11:10,495
Listen up, you spineless yuppies!

287
00:11:10,496 --> 00:11:12,496
I [Bleep] own the Internet.

288
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:15,400
You remember that, uh,
Egyptian revolution in 2011?

289
00:11:15,401 --> 00:11:17,834
I started that shit
with a single hashtag.

290
00:11:17,835 --> 00:11:19,502
I can't point Egypt out on a map,

291
00:11:19,503 --> 00:11:22,004
but I toppled a dictatorship
that ruled for decades

292
00:11:22,005 --> 00:11:24,007
because I was bored.

293
00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:25,242
So don't come in here

294
00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:27,877
pretending like you're in control of me.

295
00:11:27,878 --> 00:11:29,246
[Bleep] you, Mom!

296
00:11:29,247 --> 00:11:33,383
I'm a social media guru.

297
00:11:33,384 --> 00:11:36,185
And you will bow down before me.

298
00:11:36,186 --> 00:11:37,787
Also I didn't tweet it.

299
00:11:37,788 --> 00:11:40,223
It was Richard.

300
00:11:40,224 --> 00:11:43,826
I will not be a slave
to the corporate system.

301
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,796
Hi, Richard, I'm Matt. This is Jake.

302
00:11:46,797 --> 00:11:48,464
We're junior executives in training.

303
00:11:48,465 --> 00:11:49,465
Whoa, executives?

304
00:11:49,466 --> 00:11:50,467
That's cool.

305
00:11:50,468 --> 00:11:51,768
Yes, it is cool.

306
00:11:51,769 --> 00:11:53,103
So, Richard, we understand
you're in charge

307
00:11:53,104 --> 00:11:54,371
of the Hampton DeVille twitter account.

308
00:11:54,372 --> 00:11:55,905
Yep. I get paid to tweet all day.

309
00:11:55,906 --> 00:11:57,306
My job's awesome.

310
00:11:57,307 --> 00:11:59,242
So then you tweeted
the blown away tweet.

311
00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:01,411
Yeah, it seems like people
are really upset about it,

312
00:12:01,412 --> 00:12:03,814
but I think it's really clever,
'cause, see, like,

313
00:12:03,815 --> 00:12:06,815
people were blown away
by Hurricane Letisha,

314
00:12:06,816 --> 00:12:09,919
and I said, "blown away by the size."

315
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:10,920
It's a pun.

316
00:12:10,921 --> 00:12:11,921
People just don't get it.

317
00:12:11,922 --> 00:12:13,323
No, I think everyone got it.

318
00:12:13,324 --> 00:12:14,624
Speaking of getting it,

319
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:15,992
you might want to bite down
on that fork,

320
00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:17,328
because what I'm
about to say is gonna hurt.

321
00:12:17,329 --> 00:12:18,661
Hold on a second.

322
00:12:18,662 --> 00:12:19,963
Where are you getting
all of that cake from?

323
00:12:19,964 --> 00:12:24,001
Oh, you guys want to see something cool?

324
00:12:24,002 --> 00:12:25,401
I don't know if you're interested,

325
00:12:25,402 --> 00:12:27,003
but I keep track of
all the cakes in the building.

326
00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:29,004
Today's a big one: 19 cakes.

327
00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:31,141
We can hit 'em all,
but we gotta move fast.

328
00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:33,609
You guys hungry?

329
00:12:36,947 --> 00:12:39,715
First, we'll hit
Ron's 53rd birthday, floor 67.

330
00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:41,184
Congrats! Come on in.

331
00:12:41,185 --> 00:12:43,954
This is Jake and Matt.
We're here for some cake.

332
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:45,555
Mmm!

333
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:48,425
Then Tina's baby shower.

334
00:12:48,426 --> 00:12:50,459
So who's the father?
Do you know who the father is?

335
00:12:50,460 --> 00:12:52,195
Then Bill Peterson's successful

336
00:12:52,196 --> 00:12:54,497
gastric bypass surgery, floor 11.

337
00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:56,166
I love your hair. You look fantastic.

338
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,137
Oh, my God, this is the best
thing I've ever tasted.

339
00:13:02,138 --> 00:13:04,074
Just a few more parties,
then we have to fire him.

340
00:13:05,976 --> 00:13:07,776
Colin, Michael, Jessica, Erin.

341
00:13:07,777 --> 00:13:09,244
Jessica, Erin, Colleen...

342
00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:11,281
You're not Colleen, obviously.
You're a man.

343
00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:19,021
Happy [Bleep] birthday!

344
00:13:19,022 --> 00:13:20,523
- Whoo!
- Richard's great.

345
00:13:20,524 --> 00:13:22,725
This company would be better
if more people were like him.

346
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:24,294
He's just filling his void with sugar.

347
00:13:24,295 --> 00:13:25,697
He clearly has an eating disorder.

348
00:13:25,698 --> 00:13:27,230
Let's do shots.

349
00:13:40,744 --> 00:13:41,744
I love you, Richard.

350
00:13:41,745 --> 00:13:42,746
I love this guy.

351
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,116
I know we work for a big corporation,

352
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:47,351
but it's not that bad.

353
00:13:47,352 --> 00:13:48,618
The people here are great.

354
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:49,786
Feels like a family.

355
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,720
- And we got health benefits.
- Yeah.

356
00:13:51,721 --> 00:13:53,556
Wait, you get health benefits?

357
00:13:53,557 --> 00:13:55,291
So where are we going next?

358
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,792
Next we're gonna go to the bathroom,

359
00:13:56,793 --> 00:13:57,960
because I have to throw up.

360
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,068
God, I feel like garbage.

361
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:06,103
I can't party the way I used to.

362
00:14:06,104 --> 00:14:07,970
Matt. Jake.

363
00:14:07,971 --> 00:14:10,473
The fact that you're sitting
around covered in cake frosting

364
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,941
means you must have found the person

365
00:14:11,942 --> 00:14:13,810
responsible for that tweet
and fired them.

366
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,277
So, who was it?

367
00:14:15,348 --> 00:14:17,851
Well, uh, we have some great news.

368
00:14:17,879 --> 00:14:19,680
We found the guy
responsible for the tweet,

369
00:14:19,681 --> 00:14:21,080
and he's a great guy.

370
00:14:21,081 --> 00:14:22,415
We totally lectured him about

371
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:23,917
how it's bad that he did that,

372
00:14:23,918 --> 00:14:26,019
so now he knows not to do it again.

373
00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:29,223
And anyway, we like him a lot,
and we think he's a total pro.

374
00:14:29,224 --> 00:14:31,191
Phew! Let me tell you something.

375
00:14:31,192 --> 00:14:32,758
Best thing about cake,

376
00:14:32,759 --> 00:14:34,860
it tastes just as good coming back up.

377
00:14:34,861 --> 00:14:37,931
Oh, I should tweet that.

378
00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:39,599
Oh! Hi, I'm Richard.

379
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,267
Hey, Richard. We're executives.

380
00:14:41,268 --> 00:14:42,936
Wow. More executives.

381
00:14:42,937 --> 00:14:43,970
This is cool.

382
00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:45,272
Yes, it is cool.

383
00:14:45,273 --> 00:14:48,242
Question: did you write that
blown away tweet?

384
00:14:48,243 --> 00:14:49,776
Yeah. That was me.

385
00:14:49,777 --> 00:14:50,978
- Whoops.
- Okay, great.

386
00:14:50,979 --> 00:14:51,978
You're fired.

387
00:14:51,979 --> 00:14:53,979
Please report to HR immediately.

388
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:54,980
What?

389
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,649
And you two, question.

390
00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:58,618
How could you do this to us?

391
00:14:58,619 --> 00:15:00,720
We used you as our tools,

392
00:15:00,721 --> 00:15:02,388
and this is how you repay us?

393
00:15:02,389 --> 00:15:03,723
We'll deal with you later.

394
00:15:03,724 --> 00:15:05,026
But in the meantime,

395
00:15:05,027 --> 00:15:07,127
I suggest you start
working on your résumés.

396
00:15:09,297 --> 00:15:10,831
This is company property.

397
00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,066
Well, that's it. We're dead.

398
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:15,101
So, wait.

399
00:15:15,102 --> 00:15:16,537
You guys knew I was getting fired,

400
00:15:16,538 --> 00:15:17,903
and you used me to get cake?

401
00:15:17,904 --> 00:15:19,572
No, Richard, it's not like that.

402
00:15:19,573 --> 00:15:21,574
If it were up to us,
you'd get to keep your job.

403
00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:23,176
Yeah, but it's not up to you.

404
00:15:23,177 --> 00:15:24,676
You guys are just tools.

405
00:15:24,677 --> 00:15:26,180
Exactly. We're tools.

406
00:15:26,181 --> 00:15:27,983
So [Bleep] you.

407
00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:31,984
[Bleep] all of you!

408
00:15:31,985 --> 00:15:35,120
You're all just corporate drones!

409
00:15:35,121 --> 00:15:37,257
[Bleep] Hampton DeVille!

410
00:15:37,258 --> 00:15:39,792
[Bleep] the Internet!

411
00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,863
And [Bleep] birthdays!

412
00:15:44,597 --> 00:15:45,633
[Bleep] your meeting!

413
00:15:47,467 --> 00:15:49,036
[Bleep] you, Angela!

414
00:15:53,207 --> 00:15:54,941
Do you think Richard's okay?

415
00:15:54,942 --> 00:15:58,311
How can you think about other
people at a time like this?

416
00:16:07,220 --> 00:16:08,821
Maybe getting fired is a good thing.

417
00:16:08,822 --> 00:16:10,056
I could finally pursue my dream

418
00:16:10,057 --> 00:16:11,990
of starting my own craft brewery.

419
00:16:11,991 --> 00:16:13,527
Or just go to law school.

420
00:16:13,528 --> 00:16:14,896
Applying to law school in your late 20s

421
00:16:14,897 --> 00:16:16,397
is a major sign of depression.

422
00:16:16,398 --> 00:16:18,532
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.

423
00:16:18,533 --> 00:16:21,734
Working here was my plan B,
and now I'm getting fired,

424
00:16:21,735 --> 00:16:24,137
so I guess it's time for plan C.

425
00:16:24,138 --> 00:16:25,537
Suicide?

426
00:16:25,538 --> 00:16:26,907
Yes. You already knew.

427
00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:28,074
That's why we're friends.

428
00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,243
Hey, guys, did you fire Richard?

429
00:16:30,244 --> 00:16:32,013
'Cause he never showed up to HR.

430
00:16:34,081 --> 00:16:35,482
There is an Internet campaign

431
00:16:35,483 --> 00:16:37,417
to boycott all Hampton DeVille products

432
00:16:37,418 --> 00:16:39,753
unless you apologize for the tweet.

433
00:16:39,754 --> 00:16:41,187
Will you apologize?

434
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:44,257
Look, I refuse to negotiate
with the Internet.

435
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,926
That tweet was the act
of one rogue employee.

436
00:16:46,927 --> 00:16:48,928
And I would like to state for the record

437
00:16:48,929 --> 00:16:52,131
that I love hurricane victims,

438
00:16:52,132 --> 00:16:53,733
and anyone who knows me can verify...

439
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:55,936
Excuse me, Christian, I'm
gonna have to interrupt you.

440
00:16:55,937 --> 00:16:57,603
We're getting a breaking tweet.

441
00:16:59,706 --> 00:17:01,375
A new tweet has been issued
from Hampton DeVille...

442
00:17:01,376 --> 00:17:03,109
Ugh, Richard's not here.

443
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:04,743
"My name is Richard.

444
00:17:04,744 --> 00:17:07,380
"I wrote the blown away tweet,
got fired,

445
00:17:07,381 --> 00:17:09,715
"and now I'm going to kill myself

446
00:17:09,716 --> 00:17:12,218
by being blown away off of a building."

447
00:17:12,219 --> 00:17:13,919
Oh, my God,
Richard's gonna kill himself.

448
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,554
He stole my idea.

449
00:17:15,555 --> 00:17:16,889
Jake, we have to help him.

450
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:17,992
Ugh. Fine.

451
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,994
Richard, question.

452
00:17:21,995 --> 00:17:23,730
Why are you doing this?

453
00:17:23,731 --> 00:17:26,499
Because I don't have any friends!

454
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,671
So I go to birthday parties of
people I don't even know

455
00:17:29,672 --> 00:17:31,870
and binge eat to try to fill

456
00:17:31,871 --> 00:17:35,809
the bottomless void
of loneliness inside me.

457
00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:36,911
Okay!

458
00:17:36,912 --> 00:17:37,911
Great.

459
00:17:37,912 --> 00:17:39,646
Thanks.

460
00:17:39,647 --> 00:17:41,180
Thanks for agreeing to help us, Baron.

461
00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:42,648
I'm not doing this for you, assholes.

462
00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:43,917
I'm doing this for Richard,

463
00:17:43,918 --> 00:17:45,084
because he gives me cake.

464
00:17:45,085 --> 00:17:46,552
So really I'm doing it for me.

465
00:17:46,553 --> 00:17:47,753
So here's what I think you should tweet.

466
00:17:47,754 --> 00:17:49,289
Stop.

467
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,425
You wouldn't tell Shakespeare
how to write a sonnet,

468
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,926
and you don't tell a social media guru

469
00:17:53,927 --> 00:17:55,928
how to get a hashtag trending, okay?

470
00:17:55,929 --> 00:17:57,532
So step back.

471
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:18,251
It's beautiful.

472
00:18:30,398 --> 00:18:32,000
It's in the Internet's hands now.

473
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:36,503
Richard, I know
where you're coming from.

474
00:18:36,504 --> 00:18:38,672
I was wait-listed at Yale.

475
00:18:38,673 --> 00:18:40,006
But then I got in.

476
00:18:40,007 --> 00:18:41,773
We have a plan. Let us talk to Richard.

477
00:18:41,774 --> 00:18:44,511
Give us a chance to prove
that we can be your tools.

478
00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,113
That's actually a really good idea.

479
00:18:46,114 --> 00:18:48,283
When he jumps,
we'll just pin the blame on you.

480
00:18:50,184 --> 00:18:52,417
Richard, don't do this.

481
00:18:52,418 --> 00:18:54,754
Yeah, Richard, don't jump or whatever.

482
00:18:54,755 --> 00:18:56,188
Just stay back!

483
00:18:56,189 --> 00:18:57,690
I'm gonna kill myself.

484
00:18:57,691 --> 00:18:59,859
Richard, we all want to kill ourselves.

485
00:18:59,860 --> 00:19:00,926
But you can't.

486
00:19:00,927 --> 00:19:02,795
Because the Internet cares about you.

487
00:19:02,796 --> 00:19:04,930
The top trending hashtag
on twitter right now

488
00:19:04,931 --> 00:19:06,698
is "Save Richard."

489
00:19:06,699 --> 00:19:09,535
Really?

490
00:19:09,536 --> 00:19:11,236
It's actually second under hashtag

491
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,304
"You know you're single when."

492
00:19:12,305 --> 00:19:13,340
Shut up.

493
00:19:13,341 --> 00:19:14,942
Richard, all across the world,

494
00:19:14,943 --> 00:19:17,643
millions of faceless, nameless strangers

495
00:19:17,644 --> 00:19:20,315
who will forget about you
tomorrow want you to live.

496
00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:22,080
They care about you, Richard.

497
00:19:22,081 --> 00:19:24,716
Also we brought cake.

498
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:26,019
What kind of cake?

499
00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,087
Richard, shut up and come down!

500
00:19:28,088 --> 00:19:29,888
Okay!

501
00:19:29,889 --> 00:19:31,190
I'm coming down!

502
00:19:31,191 --> 00:19:32,326
Holy shit.

503
00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:33,661
Someone finally listened to me.

504
00:19:35,463 --> 00:19:36,797
And then I personally stepped in

505
00:19:36,798 --> 00:19:39,331
and saved one of our most
valued employees, Richard,

506
00:19:39,332 --> 00:19:42,167
who I'm happy to welcome back
to the Hampton DeVille family.

507
00:19:42,168 --> 00:19:44,838
And as a gesture of sympathy
for the victims

508
00:19:44,839 --> 00:19:47,674
of Hurricane Letisha,
who we love dearly,

509
00:19:47,675 --> 00:19:50,009
we will be offering 10% off the Obelisk

510
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:51,677
to anyone who can prove

511
00:19:51,678 --> 00:19:53,847
their home was destroyed
in the hurricane.

512
00:19:53,848 --> 00:19:55,615
Good news.

513
00:19:55,616 --> 00:19:57,518
We just got word that this controversy

514
00:19:57,519 --> 00:19:59,118
increased brand awareness

515
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,686
and boosted sales of the Obelisk by 4%.

516
00:20:01,687 --> 00:20:03,224
Great job, you two.

517
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,726
Well, Matt, you did it.
You saved Richard.

518
00:20:07,727 --> 00:20:08,927
I didn't save him.

519
00:20:08,928 --> 00:20:10,297
All I did was tell Baron to do it.

520
00:20:10,298 --> 00:20:12,967
Matt, telling Baron to do it
was doing it.

521
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:14,801
Oh, my God.

522
00:20:14,802 --> 00:20:17,036
You're right.

523
00:20:17,037 --> 00:20:18,538
We saved Richard.

524
00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,477
Wait about a week for this to blow over

525
00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:25,044
and fire Richard again.

526
00:20:25,045 --> 00:20:27,380
I don't want that cake feaster
working here.

527
00:20:33,487 --> 00:20:35,187
I'm sorry.

528
00:20:35,188 --> 00:20:37,823
It's my fault we broke up, not yours.

529
00:20:37,824 --> 00:20:39,326
You're a great guy.

530
00:20:39,327 --> 00:20:41,327
Everyone likes you.

531
00:20:41,328 --> 00:20:43,663
I made a mistake by leaving you.

532
00:20:48,202 --> 00:20:49,836
- I'm sorry.
- I'm so sorry.

533
00:20:49,837 --> 00:20:50,837
Oh, I'm sorry.

534
00:20:59,944 --> 00:21:02,233
Can you give us a sense of
what the people

535
00:21:02,258 --> 00:21:04,514
in the path of the hurricane
are feeling right now?

536
00:21:04,584 --> 00:21:07,920
Karen, it is absolute mayhem down here.

537
00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:11,090
Everyone is really upset about
Hampton DeVille's tweet.

538
00:21:11,091 --> 00:21:12,926
It's all anyone can talk about.