1
00:00:00,033 --> 00:00:03,993
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

2
00:00:07,748 --> 00:00:10,448
Hey! Thanks for the Christmas gift.

3
00:00:10,550 --> 00:00:12,217
And by the way, nice try.

4
00:00:12,319 --> 00:00:14,586
You're still not going to get
out of scratching my back.

5
00:00:14,688 --> 00:00:16,888
You dropped foot rubbing.
But, yeah, that's right.

6
00:00:16,990 --> 00:00:18,757
You're still going to have to touch me.

7
00:00:18,859 --> 00:00:20,859
Mm. Want to know what my dad got me?

8
00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:24,295
A trip with him in the car...
destination unknown.

9
00:00:24,397 --> 00:00:25,930
That's weird, even for him.

10
00:00:26,032 --> 00:00:27,832
He's probably going to
drag me up to Canada

11
00:00:27,857 --> 00:00:29,557
to pick up some cheap arthritis medicine.

12
00:00:29,736 --> 00:00:31,069
Or, if I'm really lucky,

13
00:00:31,171 --> 00:00:34,038
he got a line on 50 old
fax machines in French Lick.

14
00:00:34,141 --> 00:00:37,208
I'm going to take the boys with
me in case it's something heavy.

15
00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:39,444
You're taking Brick
to do the heavy lifting?

16
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,412
Eh, he can talk to my dad.

17
00:00:41,515 --> 00:00:43,648
You're taking Brick to talk to your dad?

18
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,650
Well, I can't make Axl go and not Brick.

19
00:00:45,752 --> 00:00:47,085
You're the one who's always telling me

20
00:00:47,110 --> 00:00:48,086
I got to treat them fairly.

21
00:00:48,188 --> 00:00:49,487
Hey, Axl, come here!

22
00:00:49,589 --> 00:00:51,523
- Why?!
- 'Cause I said so!

23
00:00:51,625 --> 00:00:53,908
Did you put another present
for me under the tree?

24
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,560
No, just come here.

25
00:00:55,662 --> 00:00:56,761
You come here!

26
00:00:56,863 --> 00:00:59,330
You're going on a trip
with Grandpa and me.

27
00:00:59,432 --> 00:01:00,765
- So is Brick.
- What?!

28
00:01:00,867 --> 00:01:02,300
- Where?!
- I don't know!

29
00:01:02,402 --> 00:01:05,436
- How can you not know?!
- Don't we get a say in this?!

30
00:01:05,539 --> 00:01:08,773
I gave you guys a chance to come
out here and you blew it.

31
00:01:08,875 --> 00:01:10,041
- God!
- I'm pooping.

32
00:01:10,143 --> 00:01:11,576
Those are the two you want to take?

33
00:01:11,678 --> 00:01:14,112
Oh, I'm taking them.
Not sure I'm bringing them back.

34
00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:15,880
Yep.

35
00:01:17,918 --> 00:01:19,918
Ohh, you're taking down
the Christmas tree?

36
00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:21,853
That's how I know it's Valentine's Day.

37
00:01:21,955 --> 00:01:24,656
Well, I'm on a new hormone I got
at the sale bin at Walgreens.

38
00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,057
Gave me a burst of energy.

39
00:01:26,159 --> 00:01:27,187
Oh.

40
00:01:29,329 --> 00:01:31,029
- Mom.
- Yeah?

41
00:01:31,054 --> 00:01:33,141
Okay, remember when I said
I liked somebody,

42
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:34,499
but I wasn't ready to tell you,

43
00:01:34,601 --> 00:01:36,334
but I'd tell you
when the moment was right?

44
00:01:36,436 --> 00:01:38,353
This is it? This is the moment?

45
00:01:38,405 --> 00:01:39,704
- It's happening?
- It's happening.

46
00:01:39,806 --> 00:01:41,239
Oh, my God!

47
00:01:44,144 --> 00:01:45,210
Spill.

48
00:01:45,312 --> 00:01:46,444
It's Sean.

49
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,581
Sean who? Sean Penn? Sean Connery?

50
00:01:49,683 --> 00:01:51,516
Sean the bagger from the Frugal Hoosier?

51
00:01:51,618 --> 00:01:53,685
Noooo.

52
00:01:53,787 --> 00:01:55,987
Shut up!

53
00:01:56,089 --> 00:01:57,722
Yeah, can you believe it?

54
00:01:57,824 --> 00:01:59,023
This is crazy.

55
00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:00,358
And I have to say, Sue,

56
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,627
I am so touched that you told me first.

57
00:02:02,729 --> 00:02:04,262
I wonder if Sean told Nancy.

58
00:02:04,364 --> 00:02:06,531
Oh, shut up, Frankie,
it's not a competition.

59
00:02:06,633 --> 00:02:09,334
Okay, start from the beginning.
I want to hear everything.

60
00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:12,203
Okay, well, I guess I've sort of
always had a crush on him.

61
00:02:12,305 --> 00:02:14,906
That summer that he helped Axl
paint the garage.

62
00:02:15,008 --> 00:02:17,609
Carly and I made them lemonade,
like, every day.

63
00:02:17,711 --> 00:02:20,845
And I would always say, "Oh, do
you want it tart or sweet".

64
00:02:20,947 --> 00:02:24,849
And Sean would say, "I want it
sweet, just like you, Suzy Q".

65
00:02:24,951 --> 00:02:26,217
Aww!

66
00:02:26,319 --> 00:02:27,919
But then I dated Darrin in high school.

67
00:02:28,021 --> 00:02:29,721
Ugh. I can say that now.

68
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:31,522
But over the past couple years,

69
00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,625
we've gotten to know each other more,

70
00:02:33,727 --> 00:02:34,926
and he is always so nice

71
00:02:35,028 --> 00:02:37,795
and he shows up when I need
a date for things.

72
00:02:37,898 --> 00:02:40,832
And I never thought that he
viewed me as more than a friend,

73
00:02:40,934 --> 00:02:42,967
but last night...

74
00:02:43,036 --> 00:02:44,269
we kissed.

75
00:02:44,371 --> 00:02:45,970
Oh, my gosh, are you okay?

76
00:02:46,072 --> 00:02:47,171
Yeah, just bleeding.

77
00:02:47,274 --> 00:02:48,806
Keep talking. I want to hear the details.

78
00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:50,608
- Okay.
- So how was the kiss?

79
00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:53,111
I've always imagined
he's a good kisser...

80
00:02:53,213 --> 00:02:54,345
That sounds bad.

81
00:02:54,447 --> 00:02:56,214
It was amazing!

82
00:02:56,316 --> 00:02:58,049
I don't even know how to describe it.

83
00:02:58,151 --> 00:03:01,252
Okay, remember when we were
driving to Axl's baseball game

84
00:03:01,321 --> 00:03:02,487
and I saw a pack of baby deer

85
00:03:02,589 --> 00:03:04,088
running underneath that double rainbow?

86
00:03:04,157 --> 00:03:06,124
It was like that,
expect Dad wasn't yelling,

87
00:03:06,226 --> 00:03:07,292
"We're not pulling over".

88
00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:08,927
Oh, Sue, this is amazing.

89
00:03:09,029 --> 00:03:10,395
I am so happy for you.

90
00:03:10,497 --> 00:03:12,397
But then it just stopped.

91
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,065
What do you mean, "it stopped"?

92
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:16,034
Who stopped it? You stopped it
or he stopped it?

93
00:03:16,102 --> 00:03:18,603
I don't know! I am so confused.

94
00:03:18,672 --> 00:03:19,837
I don't even know if he likes me.

95
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,205
Of course he likes you.

96
00:03:21,274 --> 00:03:23,374
People don't go around kissing
people they don't like.

97
00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,043
And anyway, he started it, right?

98
00:03:25,145 --> 00:03:26,110
He kissed you first?

99
00:03:26,212 --> 00:03:28,112
Oh, come on, Sue.

100
00:03:28,181 --> 00:03:30,281
You don't know who started it,
you don't know who stopped it.

101
00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:32,483
This is not the best post-kiss
report I've ever heard.

102
00:03:32,585 --> 00:03:33,518
I know!

103
00:03:33,620 --> 00:03:35,420
But I might have leaned in first

104
00:03:35,488 --> 00:03:37,922
and he maybe only kissed me back
to be polite.

105
00:03:38,024 --> 00:03:40,191
It is a very Donahue thing to do.

106
00:03:40,293 --> 00:03:41,292
Then once it stopped,

107
00:03:41,361 --> 00:03:43,428
we just started apologizing
to each other.

108
00:03:43,530 --> 00:03:44,696
Is that normal?

109
00:03:44,764 --> 00:03:46,931
Do people apologize
for kissing people they like?

110
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,934
Only after you burp,
but that's much later.

111
00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:52,236
Listen, of course he likes you.

112
00:03:52,339 --> 00:03:56,174
I mean, you're a smart,
wonderful, adorable woman.

113
00:03:56,276 --> 00:03:58,042
Any guy would be lucky to have you.

114
00:03:58,144 --> 00:03:59,010
You really think so?

115
00:03:59,112 --> 00:04:00,478
Absolutely.

116
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,880
- Thanks, Mom.
- Aww!

117
00:04:04,851 --> 00:04:07,452
Oh, got blood on your sweater.

118
00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:09,487
That's okay. It's red.

119
00:04:13,275 --> 00:04:14,708
Brick, come here!

120
00:04:14,810 --> 00:04:15,975
May I help you?

121
00:04:16,044 --> 00:04:17,877
Where did you come from?

122
00:04:17,902 --> 00:04:19,469
I was literally here when you came in.

123
00:04:19,648 --> 00:04:20,880
I asked you how your day was.

124
00:04:20,982 --> 00:04:23,983
Ugh. Can't believe Dad's making
us go on this stupid trip.

125
00:04:24,052 --> 00:04:26,820
I start my job next week.
I need this time to relax.

126
00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:29,089
What about me? I'm finally off school.

127
00:04:29,191 --> 00:04:30,123
It's my holiday.

128
00:04:30,225 --> 00:04:31,458
Oh, what? It's your holiday?

129
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:32,759
What are you, British now?

130
00:04:32,828 --> 00:04:34,394
Ooh, where are you holidaying?

131
00:04:34,496 --> 00:04:36,396
I'm holidaying in the south of Orson.

132
00:04:36,465 --> 00:04:38,565
I might pop across the pond
to Terre Haute

133
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:39,933
for some crumpets and tea.

134
00:04:40,001 --> 00:04:41,601
Are you finished?

135
00:04:41,703 --> 00:04:43,269
I'm sorry, Brick.

136
00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:45,605
I just really don't want
to go on this trip.

137
00:04:45,674 --> 00:04:47,540
On the plus side, every time we see

138
00:04:47,565 --> 00:04:49,499
Grandpa Big Mike he gives us each $5.

139
00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:50,977
Yeah, I guess, but five bucks

140
00:04:51,046 --> 00:04:52,579
doesn't get you that much anymore.

141
00:04:52,647 --> 00:04:54,380
I feel like he could kick it up a notch.

142
00:04:54,483 --> 00:04:55,615
Well, he is pretty old.

143
00:04:55,684 --> 00:04:57,584
He probably still thinks $5
is a lot of money.

144
00:04:57,686 --> 00:04:58,685
Of course he does!

145
00:04:58,754 --> 00:05:00,720
Pretty sure he bought
his house for, like, $5.

146
00:05:00,789 --> 00:05:03,189
But this is untenable, Brick.
That means not tenable.

147
00:05:03,258 --> 00:05:05,405
Okay, let me think. Hold on.

148
00:05:06,328 --> 00:05:08,595
Oh, okay. Here's the plan.

149
00:05:08,663 --> 00:05:10,864
When we see Grandpa, drop a few hints.

150
00:05:10,966 --> 00:05:13,500
You know, casually work
into the conversation

151
00:05:13,568 --> 00:05:15,502
that things cost more these days.

152
00:05:15,604 --> 00:05:17,237
I could mention bookmarks have gone

153
00:05:17,262 --> 00:05:18,661
from a nickel to eight cents.

154
00:05:18,807 --> 00:05:20,440
Have they ever done genetic testing on us

155
00:05:20,509 --> 00:05:22,308
'cause I'd be very interested
in those results.

156
00:05:26,314 --> 00:05:29,449
You know, Dad, I gave up
my day off to drive you.

157
00:05:29,518 --> 00:05:31,718
It doesn't seem like
an unreasonable request

158
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:33,019
to ask where we're going.

159
00:05:33,121 --> 00:05:35,021
I paid for the gas.

160
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,991
Which, by the way,
has also gone up in price.

161
00:05:38,093 --> 00:05:40,627
Our generation is really taking a hit.

162
00:05:40,729 --> 00:05:42,395
So what you're saying, brother, is...

163
00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:44,230
just to pick a number out of the air...

164
00:05:44,332 --> 00:05:48,368
$5 from yesteryear is equal to $10 today?

165
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:49,969
Wow!

166
00:05:50,071 --> 00:05:51,871
Wow is right.

167
00:05:54,976 --> 00:05:58,478
And then out of the
blue, a strange thing happened.

168
00:05:58,547 --> 00:06:01,481
Did I ever tell you guys about the time

169
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:03,850
I traded my horse for a bike?

170
00:06:03,952 --> 00:06:07,187
Grandpa Big Mike actually
started talking.

171
00:06:07,289 --> 00:06:09,556
I was about 11 years old...

172
00:06:09,658 --> 00:06:12,258
And once he started, he couldn't stop.

173
00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:15,061
...bike and I wanted one
in the worst way.

174
00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:17,897
It's been a week, Brad, and not one word.

175
00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:20,967
A week! That has to be a sign, right?

176
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,269
Brad, are you even listening to me?

177
00:06:23,338 --> 00:06:25,438
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm still trying
to figure out

178
00:06:25,507 --> 00:06:27,974
this socket wrench thingy
my dad got me for Christmas.

179
00:06:28,076 --> 00:06:30,176
I asked for a yoga ball
and he gets me this.

180
00:06:30,278 --> 00:06:31,978
You know what this means, right?

181
00:06:32,047 --> 00:06:33,847
Sean obviously regretted the whole thing.

182
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:34,948
I don't know what to do.

183
00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:36,282
I mean, I talked to my mom,

184
00:06:36,384 --> 00:06:38,318
but she just gave me
the typical mom speech.

185
00:06:38,386 --> 00:06:39,752
Let me guess, "You're beautiful

186
00:06:39,821 --> 00:06:41,521
and any man would be lucky to have you".

187
00:06:41,623 --> 00:06:43,056
I got the same speech from my mom.

188
00:06:43,158 --> 00:06:44,691
You want me to go to the Donahues'?

189
00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:47,093
I could say I'm selling tulip
bulbs for the Orson Theater

190
00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:48,228
and see what the vibe is.

191
00:06:48,296 --> 00:06:49,596
No, they're not even home.

192
00:06:49,664 --> 00:06:51,598
The whole family went skiing in Michigan.

193
00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:52,999
They wrap it up into community service

194
00:06:53,101 --> 00:06:54,200
and pick up trash on the slopes.

195
00:06:54,302 --> 00:06:55,301
Oh.

196
00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:57,303
I just wish I knew
what Sean was thinking.

197
00:06:57,372 --> 00:06:58,838
So just send him a casual text.

198
00:06:58,907 --> 00:07:00,673
Do you guys have a text-y relationship?

199
00:07:00,742 --> 00:07:02,075
Not really.

200
00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:03,276
Okay, let's see.

201
00:07:03,378 --> 00:07:05,778
The last thing I texted him was...

202
00:07:05,881 --> 00:07:09,048
"My toenail is black.
Should I have it looked at?"

203
00:07:10,018 --> 00:07:11,851
Well, he's studying to be a doctor.

204
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,754
You need to text him, Sue.
Why would anyone find this fun?

205
00:07:14,856 --> 00:07:16,689
Ugh, well, I mean the case is nice.

206
00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:18,892
I guess I could put
my stage makeup in it.

207
00:07:18,994 --> 00:07:19,993
You're right, Brad.

208
00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:21,794
I am not going to even think about it.

209
00:07:21,897 --> 00:07:22,996
I'm just going to do it.

210
00:07:23,064 --> 00:07:24,731
Okay.

211
00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:26,266
How do you do?

212
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:29,802
No! Oh, it auto-corrected to "Fliberdoo".

213
00:07:29,871 --> 00:07:32,005
Oh, thank God. Who says, "How do you do"?

214
00:07:32,073 --> 00:07:34,340
You're right. Got to keep is cazsh.

215
00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:38,444
How are the slopes? Blopes?!

216
00:07:38,513 --> 00:07:40,346
Ugh!

217
00:07:41,616 --> 00:07:43,316
Oh! He's answering! I can't look!

218
00:07:43,418 --> 00:07:44,631
Tell me what it said.

219
00:07:45,353 --> 00:07:47,453
"The blopes are fine. See you soon.

220
00:07:47,555 --> 00:07:48,955
Dollar-sign, horse head".

221
00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:51,824
Oh, my God, you guys are
both terrible texters.

222
00:07:51,927 --> 00:07:53,493
You are made for each other.

223
00:07:53,561 --> 00:07:54,627
Sue, I'm telling you.

224
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:57,063
This is a good sign he
wants to see you again.

225
00:07:57,165 --> 00:08:00,133
Not necessarily. He's just being nice.

226
00:08:00,201 --> 00:08:02,302
That's probably why he kissed me
in the first place.

227
00:08:02,812 --> 00:08:04,170
You know what we need to do?

228
00:08:04,239 --> 00:08:05,405
Send him a dolphin emoji?

229
00:08:05,507 --> 00:08:06,539
No, definitely not.

230
00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:08,975
We need to set up
another kiss opportunity.

231
00:08:09,044 --> 00:08:11,878
And then if he kisses me again,
we'll know he really likes me.

232
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,247
I have an idea, but we need
an old streetcar,

233
00:08:14,316 --> 00:08:17,216
a homeless saxophone player,
and 30 racially diverse extras.

234
00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:18,551
Hmm.

235
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:21,354
Oh! Oh, this is fun!

236
00:08:21,423 --> 00:08:23,489
Oh, this'll be great for New Year's Eve.

237
00:08:23,558 --> 00:08:25,558
Wait a sec. We just have to
get you and Sean

238
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,226
in the same room New Year's Eve.

239
00:08:27,329 --> 00:08:29,796
Everyone knows at midnight
you kiss the person you like.

240
00:08:29,864 --> 00:08:32,231
That is an amazing plan, Brad.

241
00:08:32,334 --> 00:08:35,768
Oh, wait. Except everyone kisses
everyone on New Year's Eve.

242
00:08:35,837 --> 00:08:38,771
Right, but you kiss the one that
means the most to you first.

243
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:40,573
You're right.

244
00:08:40,675 --> 00:08:42,075
They were having a contest...

245
00:08:42,143 --> 00:08:45,211
100 miles later and Big Mike
was still talking.

246
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,814
...and I was the only one in the county

247
00:08:47,882 --> 00:08:51,184
who could swim across
the whole river and back.

248
00:08:51,252 --> 00:08:53,386
And that's how I won my first ribbon.

249
00:08:54,377 --> 00:08:55,989
Who put a quarter in you?

250
00:08:56,091 --> 00:08:58,691
A quarter? If you put a quarter
in someone nowadays,

251
00:08:58,793 --> 00:09:00,860
it would have to be at least $1.25.

252
00:09:00,962 --> 00:09:02,628
Sad, but true, Brick.

253
00:09:02,731 --> 00:09:04,430
Here's another good one.

254
00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:08,801
When Michael was just a baby,
he wouldn't stop crying.

255
00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:13,506
And he cried so hard
that no sound would come out.

256
00:09:13,608 --> 00:09:15,141
Bwah.

257
00:09:15,243 --> 00:09:17,910
He was one whiny baby.

258
00:09:18,013 --> 00:09:19,545
Okay, get on with the story.

259
00:09:19,614 --> 00:09:22,148
Your mom had what these days

260
00:09:22,217 --> 00:09:25,551
would be called "postnatal depression".

261
00:09:25,653 --> 00:09:29,322
But back then we just called it
having a spell.

262
00:09:29,391 --> 00:09:32,859
So your Aunt Violet
rode over on her tractor

263
00:09:32,927 --> 00:09:35,762
to look after you during the night.

264
00:09:35,864 --> 00:09:38,931
And I gave your mom a little vodka

265
00:09:39,034 --> 00:09:42,368
and took her off to the church social.

266
00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:46,072
The band played and I asked her to dance.

267
00:09:46,174 --> 00:09:51,644
And it became our special song.

268
00:10:05,693 --> 00:10:07,994
Oh, there it is! There's the tree.

269
00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:10,163
You can pull over now.

270
00:10:10,265 --> 00:10:13,199
I want you to leave me here to die.

271
00:10:17,639 --> 00:10:20,818
I've always been partial to this spot.

272
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:25,122
This is where I asked your mom
to marry me.

273
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,691
That's a great story, Dad,
but what the hell's happening?

274
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,026
Yeah, Grandpa, are you sick?

275
00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:32,396
Not yet, but it's just a matter of time.

276
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,465
I'm sure the next few years

277
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,340
are not going to be pretty,
why belabor it?

278
00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:39,224
I'd rather just lie down,

279
00:10:39,225 --> 00:10:43,159
be covered by a blanket of snow,
and just drift away.

280
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:45,461
But what if you're still alive
in the morning?

281
00:10:45,530 --> 00:10:48,898
Well, then, the next night'll
get me for sure.

282
00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:51,767
Be a good boy and gather some leaves,

283
00:10:51,836 --> 00:10:54,303
make a death-pillow for Grandpa.

284
00:10:54,372 --> 00:10:55,471
Come on, Dad. Knock it off.

285
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:56,572
We don't want you to die.

286
00:10:56,641 --> 00:10:59,609
Of course you don't 'cause you're next.

287
00:10:59,677 --> 00:11:01,677
- Wait, Grandpa, what?
- You have so much to live for!

288
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,112
Like what?

289
00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:07,083
Look, I've already told you my stories.

290
00:11:07,152 --> 00:11:09,819
There's no point in dragging this out.

291
00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:14,591
Alright, Dad,
if that's the way you want it.

292
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:16,859
See ya later.

293
00:11:18,029 --> 00:11:22,298
- Wait. What?!
- Dad, we can't just...

294
00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:29,071
Mom, I need to talk to you
about the Sean thing.

295
00:11:29,174 --> 00:11:30,273
I didn't tell anyone.

296
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,175
Okay, I did tell
the receptionist at Curves,

297
00:11:32,243 --> 00:11:33,499
but she lives two towns over.

298
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,644
Wait, you went to Curves?

299
00:11:34,712 --> 00:11:37,213
Oh, no, I had to stop and get
my I.D. made for this year.

300
00:11:37,315 --> 00:11:38,781
That way, I can park
in their parking spot

301
00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:40,516
when I go to the donut shop
across the street.

302
00:11:40,585 --> 00:11:41,615
So, what's up?

303
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,510
I need you to throw a New
Year's Eve party tonight.

304
00:11:43,555 --> 00:11:46,055
What?! Tonight? Sue, that's crazy.

305
00:11:46,124 --> 00:11:48,157
You don't throw a New Year's Eve
party at the last minute.

306
00:11:48,226 --> 00:11:49,892
Besides, I just had a Christmas Eve party

307
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:52,261
and the only food I have are
these leftover baloney rolls,

308
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:53,896
which are suspect at best.

309
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,364
Well, Brad and I were talking

310
00:11:55,466 --> 00:11:57,900
and we thought a good way
to figure out if Sean likes me

311
00:11:57,969 --> 00:12:00,403
is if he kisses me for a second
time on New Year's Eve.

312
00:12:00,471 --> 00:12:03,406
I mean, doesn't Dad always
kiss you on New Year's Eve?

313
00:12:03,474 --> 00:12:06,709
Your dad's usually asleep by
9:30, but I suppose he would.

314
00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,775
Eh, I can't guarantee it.

315
00:12:08,844 --> 00:12:10,746
Mom, please!

316
00:12:10,848 --> 00:12:13,049
I need to figure this thing out
one way or the other.

317
00:12:13,117 --> 00:12:15,084
I can't go back to school
feeling this way.

318
00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:17,653
My nerves can't handle it.
My stomach is all fliberdoo...

319
00:12:17,722 --> 00:12:20,334
oh, that's why it auto-corrected to that.

320
00:12:21,696 --> 00:12:23,659
Okay, clean the dog puke
in the back hallway

321
00:12:23,761 --> 00:12:25,990
and fire up the bathroom candle.

322
00:12:26,065 --> 00:12:27,364
The Hecks are having a party.

323
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:28,572
Oh!

324
00:12:31,636 --> 00:12:34,170
What are you doing?
We can't just leave Grandpa.

325
00:12:34,272 --> 00:12:35,671
You're going to go back, right?

326
00:12:35,773 --> 00:12:37,406
Why should I? He said he wants to die.

327
00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,308
Oh, my God! Your family's so weird.

328
00:12:39,377 --> 00:12:41,360
I'm so lucky I got Mom's genes.

329
00:12:41,401 --> 00:12:43,434
What about me?! I feel like
I have more of Dad's.

330
00:12:43,537 --> 00:12:44,903
It doesn't have to end this way!

331
00:12:44,971 --> 00:12:46,271
He just needs a reason to live!

332
00:12:46,339 --> 00:12:48,206
I could get him
into my "Planet Nowhere" books.

333
00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,304
They're riveting!

334
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:51,142
I saw an old vacuum cleaner
on the side of the highway

335
00:12:51,244 --> 00:12:53,211
a couple miles back!
I mean, he's too young to die!

336
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:54,579
He's got more stories to tell!

337
00:12:54,681 --> 00:12:56,314
He never gave us the $5!

338
00:12:56,416 --> 00:12:57,582
Did Grandma really get sick,

339
00:12:57,684 --> 00:12:59,517
or did you leave her
in the woods, you monster?!

340
00:12:59,619 --> 00:13:01,219
Keep your pants on back there.

341
00:13:01,321 --> 00:13:02,820
I'm just trying to scare him.

342
00:13:02,923 --> 00:13:04,322
Remember the time you guys were fighting,

343
00:13:04,424 --> 00:13:06,524
I told you to get out of the car
and said you had to walk home?

344
00:13:06,626 --> 00:13:08,293
We did walk home!

345
00:13:08,395 --> 00:13:09,827
Point is, you learned a lesson.

346
00:13:09,930 --> 00:13:11,896
No, we didn't.
We fought the whole way home.

347
00:13:11,998 --> 00:13:14,165
We still fight to this day.
We've learned nothing!

348
00:13:14,267 --> 00:13:15,867
Seriously, we can't play games here.

349
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,269
The temperature's dropping
and his skin is paper thin.

350
00:13:18,371 --> 00:13:20,572
Relax, I'm turning around.

351
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:23,741
Boy, you guys are going to
be horrible fathers.

352
00:13:26,857 --> 00:13:29,324
So we were throwing
our second party in a week,

353
00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:31,726
all to get Sue her second kiss.

354
00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:35,059
Happy New Year!

355
00:13:35,161 --> 00:13:37,161
Wow, a Christmas Eve party and
now a New Year's Eve party?

356
00:13:37,263 --> 00:13:38,662
If I didn't know any better,

357
00:13:38,731 --> 00:13:41,165
I'd think you were trying to
move in on my territory.

358
00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,174
You better not be having
a Valentine's Day party.

359
00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:47,294
I'm serious. Don't.

360
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,174
Hey, Nancy, Ron, anybody
interested in appetizers?

361
00:13:50,276 --> 00:13:52,776
I have some baloney rolls
in the dining room.

362
00:13:52,845 --> 00:13:55,561
These aren't the same baloney rolls
we had on Christmas Eve, are they?

363
00:13:55,630 --> 00:13:56,970
It's the same recipe.

364
00:13:56,971 --> 00:13:59,604
It's not like I threw them
in the garage all week

365
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,672
to keep them cold.

366
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,444
Hi.

367
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:07,812
Hi.

368
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:08,913
Hi!

369
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:10,515
Mrs. Donahue, party emergency!

370
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,784
We ran out of toothpicks
with the frilly ends!

371
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,018
Oh! What color do you need?

372
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,721
So how were the "blopes"?

373
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:19,891
Oh, well, it was Michigan,
so it was just one "blope".

374
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,059
Right.

375
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,761
Sean! Hey! I haven't seen you in forever!

376
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,597
Hey, Carly!

377
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,832
So nice that you could pop in, Carly.

378
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,667
- I know you got to run.
- Yeah.

379
00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:31,736
Actually, I think I might stay
for the countdown.

380
00:14:31,761 --> 00:14:33,094
Oh, no, sitters are expensive

381
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,406
and you got to get back home
to that baby of yours...

382
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,275
you know the choices we make
and all that.

383
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,950
Alright, Dad,

384
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,319
enough's enough. Time to go home.

385
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,154
Dad?

386
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,492
Grandpa?

387
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,894
Oh, my God! You killed Grandpa!

388
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,896
- How could you let this happen?
- This is all your fault!

389
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:58,997
I was trying to scare him.

390
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:02,767
Hard to die with all
this racket going on.

391
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:05,203
Dad, you almost gave me a heart attack.

392
00:15:05,228 --> 00:15:06,527
Come on, this is nuts.

393
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,741
Aside from being you,
you've got it pretty good.

394
00:15:09,809 --> 00:15:12,076
You got a million reasons to live.

395
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,411
Like what?

396
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:16,314
Well, all those malls are closing down.

397
00:15:16,339 --> 00:15:18,039
Those clothing racks
have got to go somewhere.

398
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:22,954
That's tempting, but you should
have said something months ago.

399
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,757
I'm already in the dying mood.

400
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:28,026
Why, Dad? You're completely fine.

401
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,796
Well, I already had you drive me up here.

402
00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,599
We kind of put this whole thing
in motion.

403
00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:37,802
I don't want to be a bother.

404
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,239
You don't want to be a bother?

405
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,008
Well, actually, Dad, if you die,

406
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:47,445
I got to buy a coffin,
I got to arrange a funeral,

407
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,680
call all the relatives,

408
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,415
think of something to write
on your tombstone.

409
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,550
Not to mention that
it's the middle of the winter.

410
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,319
We're going to have to
store you someplace

411
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:56,054
'til the spring when the ground thaws.

412
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:59,091
That's all going to be
a big pain in the butt.

413
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,627
Oh, I don't want to be a bother.

414
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,631
What are you standing around for, boys?

415
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:07,932
Help me up.

416
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,008
We don't have a chance in hell
of being normal.

417
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,114
What's happening?

418
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,350
Sean and Sue were talking
by the refrigerator,

419
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:28,019
then she did one of those laughs
that turned into a snort

420
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,454
- and walked away.
- Oh, crap.

421
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,289
She's over there with Old Man Johnson.

422
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,791
He's probably talking her ear
off about his kitchen fire.

423
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:34,892
He thinks he's the first guy

424
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,461
whose toaster ever burst into flames.

425
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,596
She's too nice.
And you know what they say,

426
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,466
"Nice girls who waste their time
at parties talking to old men

427
00:16:41,491 --> 00:16:43,925
instead of their cute neighbor
do not get kissed at midnight".

428
00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:45,902
We need them together
at the stroke of midnight.

429
00:16:45,927 --> 00:16:47,306
I've got to break this up.

430
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,807
Hey, Mike. Things are happening.

431
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,577
I can't tell you what,
but major stuff is going down.

432
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,812
You know what else is going down? Me.

433
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,648
Happy New Year.

434
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:57,949
No kiss.

435
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,185
Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Johnson.

436
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:02,854
I just had a couple follow-up questions

437
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:03,955
about your kitchen fire.

438
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,758
Ah, so and then I went
with the English muffin

439
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:09,160
instead of my traditional wheat toast.

440
00:17:09,185 --> 00:17:10,051
Uh-huh.

441
00:17:10,076 --> 00:17:12,331
And then... kaboom!

442
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,399
Excuse us, Mr. J.

443
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,502
Launch control to Houston,
we are a go for launch!

444
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:18,803
Oh, yeah.

445
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,072
Sue and Sean are strategically
placed near each other

446
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,840
and we've got five minutes 'til midnight.

447
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:23,975
It's going to be a...

448
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:26,244
Happy New Year!

449
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,513
Look who is home from college... Nicole!

450
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,683
She decided to keep her
newly-separated Dad company

451
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:32,817
on New Year's Eve.

452
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,986
Hey, you guys! Great to see you!

453
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,821
You got here just in time!

454
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:40,224
Wow, Nicole, I don't know what
the weather is like at Purdue,

455
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,193
but here in Orson, it's winter.

456
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,528
You must be freezing.

457
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:47,065
Let me help you.

458
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,933
There we go.

459
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,736
Great! That's better.

460
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:56,541
Just FYI, those baloney rolls

461
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,743
have been in the garage for a week.

462
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:01,779
Oh. I don't have much
of an appetite anyway.

463
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,047
Dad pretending to drive away

464
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,249
while Grandpa pretended to be
dead really threw me.

465
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,419
Yeah, 2017 is ending
with a resounding "weird".

466
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:10,621
Mm-hmm. I kind of feel bad for Grandpa.

467
00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:13,157
Maybe we should go over
and hang out with him.

468
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,127
I mean, I never thought of him
as a person before.

469
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:19,230
He was always just kind of
a cash-giving, hoarding old guy

470
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,199
whose scabs took forever to heal.

471
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:22,590
Yeah, he had really cool stories.

472
00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:25,069
I can't believe he arm wrestled
that cop to get out of a ticket.

473
00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:27,205
And she almost beat him.

474
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,808
I bet he has more stories.

475
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:33,211
I know he has three beer fridges

476
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,747
and a very slippery moral compass.

477
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,749
I'll get my jacket!

478
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:39,185
Meet you outside.

479
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,285
It's one minute to midnight!

480
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,859
Ah. Here we are again!

481
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,762
First Christmas Eve, now New Year's Eve.

482
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:53,030
It's like we can't stop spending
"eves" together.

483
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:55,266
One minute and it is so on.

484
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:58,102
Yeah, about Christmas Eve, I...

485
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,838
Sean Donahue!

486
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,307
Afghan down, exposed belly ring at 6:00.

487
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,709
My dad has a picture on his phone

488
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:06,544
of our whole bus stop group
from 5th grade.

489
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,346
You have to come see it! It's hilarious!

490
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,647
- Um, well...
- Oh, dammit!

491
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,315
We have to get her away from him!

492
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:15,353
I got this. It's time for Brad
to get his flirt on.

493
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:18,723
- Where's you get that top?
- 20 seconds!

494
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,225
Did I tell you about my kitchen fire?

495
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:25,496
Happy New Year, Dr. Donahue!

496
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:29,400
I miss Paula. This is just
really been a rough time.

497
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,235
Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!

498
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:32,770
These baloney rolls are dynamite!

499
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:36,874
Four! Three! Two! One!

500
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,377
Happy New Year!

501
00:19:41,815 --> 00:19:42,780
Aidan!

502
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:43,915
I got my shift covered

503
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,216
and I thought I'd come and surprise you.

504
00:19:45,254 --> 00:19:46,368
Happy New Year!

505
00:19:46,420 --> 00:19:49,253
Happy New Year! Yeah, oh my...

506
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,828
Hey, Sean, taking off?

507
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:58,763
You need to know something. I like Sue.

508
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,745
I've liked her for a long time,

509
00:20:00,814 --> 00:20:03,067
and I know you don't like
your friends dating your sister,

510
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:04,836
but I'm through being a nice guy.

511
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,671
I don't know if she likes me
or if she doesn't like me,

512
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:07,839
but I'm not giving up.

513
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:10,342
May not happen tonight,
but it's going to happen.

514
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:17,515
Weird, weird night.

515
00:20:28,153 --> 00:20:36,053
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