1 00:00:00,124 --> 00:00:04,124 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:04,930 --> 00:00:06,976 _ 3 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,732 Okay, dear, I'm off. 4 00:00:09,734 --> 00:00:11,567 In more ways than one. 5 00:00:11,569 --> 00:00:13,836 What? It's lunchtime. 6 00:00:13,838 --> 00:00:15,204 Yeah, remember? I told you 7 00:00:15,206 --> 00:00:16,972 I had a thing this afternoon. 8 00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:19,008 Oh, I thought that thing was making my lunch. 9 00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:20,486 You love that. 10 00:00:20,511 --> 00:00:24,146 I do. But you're gonna have to fend for yourself today. 11 00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:26,916 Joanie, if you leave right now, I will die. 12 00:00:26,918 --> 00:00:29,685 Okay, dear. Have a good day. 13 00:00:29,687 --> 00:00:31,580 - What's he doing here? - I didn't call him. 14 00:00:31,605 --> 00:00:32,877 Did you call him? 15 00:00:35,374 --> 00:00:37,059 Okay, you've showed up unannounced 16 00:00:37,061 --> 00:00:38,361 and in person. Who died? 17 00:00:38,363 --> 00:00:40,296 - My tailor. - Oh, God. 18 00:00:40,298 --> 00:00:44,567 That's why only one of my pants legs is the right length. 19 00:00:44,569 --> 00:00:46,769 - Okay. - But that's not why I'm here. 20 00:00:46,771 --> 00:00:49,038 Your mom was acting suspicious, 21 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,274 so I rummaged through her private papers, like I do. 22 00:00:52,276 --> 00:00:53,546 - Dad! - Yeah, I do that. 23 00:00:53,571 --> 00:00:56,846 Now, I found out she's doing a reading of her romantic novel 24 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:59,331 - in one hour. - Well, why didn't she 25 00:00:59,333 --> 00:01:00,366 invite us? 26 00:01:00,368 --> 00:01:01,400 Probably because 27 00:01:01,402 --> 00:01:02,635 it's inappropriately sexual, 28 00:01:02,637 --> 00:01:05,204 and she knew you'd be squeamish and not want to go. 29 00:01:05,206 --> 00:01:07,098 - We don't want to go. - No. 30 00:01:07,123 --> 00:01:08,941 You remember those stupid things you did as a kid 31 00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,543 that I didn't go to? 32 00:01:10,545 --> 00:01:12,678 Your mother went to those things. 33 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,381 And now, you're gonna go to her stupid thing. 34 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,953 Dr. Short, I'm Nancy. 35 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:25,791 Since this book, I've had sex with over 400 men. 36 00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:27,259 Oh, my. 37 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,095 Well, thank you, Nancy, 38 00:01:29,097 --> 00:01:32,331 - for fitting this into your very busy schedule. - Oh. 39 00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,538 Oh. 40 00:01:33,563 --> 00:01:36,068 We're gonna have a good time, I think. 41 00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:38,070 Mom? Mom. 42 00:01:39,107 --> 00:01:40,773 You're so famous. 43 00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:42,608 Kids. 44 00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,243 You're all here? 45 00:01:44,245 --> 00:01:46,045 - Because we love you. - Well... 46 00:01:46,047 --> 00:01:47,746 You can always count on us... 47 00:01:47,748 --> 00:01:49,748 to be at the places you don't invite us to. 48 00:01:49,750 --> 00:01:52,835 But how did you even find out about this? 49 00:01:52,837 --> 00:01:56,372 We did some digging, and a few locks were broken, 50 00:01:56,374 --> 00:01:59,792 but nothing could stand in the way of supporting the woman I... 51 00:01:59,794 --> 00:02:02,528 Oh, lunch. 52 00:02:02,530 --> 00:02:04,230 Thank you. This is nice. 53 00:02:04,232 --> 00:02:06,132 - Joan. Joan! - Uh, it... 54 00:02:06,134 --> 00:02:09,435 The audience is aroused and ready. 55 00:02:09,437 --> 00:02:10,636 Shall we begin? 56 00:02:10,638 --> 00:02:12,037 Oh, my God, aroused. 57 00:02:12,039 --> 00:02:15,207 Thank you all so much for coming. 58 00:02:15,209 --> 00:02:16,809 - Hurry up and sit down. I'm sure you're gonna... - Oh. 59 00:02:16,811 --> 00:02:17,810 need to hear this. 60 00:02:17,812 --> 00:02:19,278 I have a feeling. 61 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,946 Somebody needs some romance. 62 00:02:21,549 --> 00:02:22,615 Anyway, 63 00:02:22,617 --> 00:02:25,151 here she is: the woman who's created 64 00:02:25,153 --> 00:02:26,819 the torrid romance 65 00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:28,487 between the stuttering drug lord 66 00:02:28,489 --> 00:02:30,890 and his older speech therapist, 67 00:02:30,892 --> 00:02:33,125 Dr. Joan Short. 68 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,328 Go, Mom! 69 00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:48,307 "A migrant..." 70 00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:53,012 "...worker..." 71 00:02:53,814 --> 00:02:56,148 Oh. 72 00:02:56,150 --> 00:02:57,950 I haven't seen your mom freeze up like this 73 00:02:57,952 --> 00:03:00,553 since I invited her to a Seder. 74 00:03:18,035 --> 00:03:19,808 - Joanie. - Oh! 75 00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,358 What's wrong? 76 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,226 You having an anxiety attack? 77 00:03:24,228 --> 00:03:25,329 No. 78 00:03:25,354 --> 00:03:27,828 I'm having a family attack. 79 00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:31,767 Honey, I can't read this in front of my family. 80 00:03:31,769 --> 00:03:34,236 Why wouldn't you want us? I mean, Tim, I understand. 81 00:03:34,238 --> 00:03:35,638 But the rest of us... 82 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,707 No. The best way you can be here for me 83 00:03:38,709 --> 00:03:41,143 is-is not to be here. 84 00:03:41,527 --> 00:03:44,061 Okay, so where should I be? 85 00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:46,571 You'll figure it out. 86 00:03:48,153 --> 00:03:49,300 So, if you're interested 87 00:03:49,325 --> 00:03:52,425 in historical erotica, be sure to check out our children's book, 88 00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:54,156 The Chicken Who Could Chew. 89 00:03:54,158 --> 00:03:56,525 - All Shorts, get out. - What? 90 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,861 You're ruining your mother's special day. 91 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:00,062 She doesn't want you here. 92 00:04:00,064 --> 00:04:01,530 Get out. Beat it. 93 00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:03,198 Come on. 94 00:04:03,223 --> 00:04:04,500 We're going, we're going. 95 00:04:04,502 --> 00:04:06,468 To be clear, you dragged us out of the house and told us 96 00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,703 that we were bad children 97 00:04:07,705 --> 00:04:09,572 for not wanting to go to an event 98 00:04:09,574 --> 00:04:11,006 that Mom didn't want us at, 99 00:04:11,008 --> 00:04:12,575 and now we're bad children for going. 100 00:04:12,577 --> 00:04:13,776 Thanks for the summary. 101 00:04:13,778 --> 00:04:15,127 - Okay. - Mm-hmm. 102 00:04:17,164 --> 00:04:19,298 "I covered his lips with mine. 103 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,000 "Suddenly, he lifted me, 104 00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:23,235 "and he lay me slowly on the warm earth. 105 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:27,674 "He held my hands above my head. 106 00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:31,577 "And with his teeth, he undressed me. 'Be still, ' 107 00:04:31,579 --> 00:04:33,512 "he whispered. 108 00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:35,381 "'Don't move.' 109 00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,125 - "I said, 'I love you, ' - Okay. 110 00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,402 - as he ravaged me..." - Oh, no. 111 00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:40,664 - I have to go. - "...over and over and over, 112 00:04:40,689 --> 00:04:44,223 "and over and over and over and over... 113 00:04:45,726 --> 00:04:47,826 and still, I wanted more." 114 00:04:50,004 --> 00:04:51,792 _ 115 00:04:53,601 --> 00:04:55,334 "In front of Piggy, Horse and Sheep, 116 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,269 "and the Cow who liked to moo, 117 00:04:57,271 --> 00:04:58,537 "Chicken chewed his food 118 00:04:58,539 --> 00:05:00,539 till there was no food left to chew." 119 00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:02,274 Boring. 120 00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:03,436 Oh, if our book is so boring, 121 00:05:03,461 --> 00:05:05,044 how come my mom bought 20 copies? 122 00:05:05,046 --> 00:05:07,546 Ignore Lark and her nothing personality. 123 00:05:07,548 --> 00:05:10,249 When you guys have a baby, they'll love the book you wrote. 124 00:05:10,251 --> 00:05:12,168 Why do you assume we want to have a baby? 125 00:05:12,193 --> 00:05:13,723 Not everyone wants 126 00:05:13,748 --> 00:05:14,486 to have a baby. 127 00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:15,721 Like, do you want to have a baby? 128 00:05:15,723 --> 00:05:17,423 - I don't think so. - Okay... 129 00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:20,476 Being weirdly defensive really isn't your thing. 130 00:05:20,478 --> 00:05:22,411 - That's Uncle Greg's thing. - What?! 131 00:05:22,413 --> 00:05:25,214 I'm not defensive, you're defensive... ask anyone. 132 00:05:25,594 --> 00:05:26,815 We're sorry, Sophia. 133 00:05:26,817 --> 00:05:27,883 We're just getting really tired 134 00:05:27,885 --> 00:05:28,917 of everyone asking us 135 00:05:28,919 --> 00:05:30,319 - when we're gonna have a baby. - Mm-hmm. 136 00:05:30,321 --> 00:05:31,587 So then just have one. 137 00:05:31,589 --> 00:05:33,889 It's easy, especially with your hips. 138 00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:37,326 It's not that easy. 139 00:05:37,328 --> 00:05:38,494 What do you mean? 140 00:05:40,732 --> 00:05:41,842 Well... 141 00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:46,368 you've heard the story of The Chicken Who Can Chew. 142 00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:49,171 Have you ever heard the story of The Chicken and The Egg? 143 00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:52,007 I only read things about female empowerment. 144 00:05:52,009 --> 00:05:53,542 - Of course. - Okay. 145 00:05:53,544 --> 00:05:55,110 Well, once upon a time... 146 00:05:55,734 --> 00:05:58,280 in a red barn with white curtains, 147 00:05:58,282 --> 00:06:00,772 the finest chicken on the farm, named Chickaleen, 148 00:06:00,797 --> 00:06:04,086 was marrying the handsome rooster, Matt-A-Doodle-Do. 149 00:06:04,088 --> 00:06:05,988 Everyone was there, except for any member 150 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:08,123 of Chickaleen's family. 151 00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:11,293 Well, Uncle Tumbleweed came, but he didn't stay. 152 00:06:11,295 --> 00:06:13,829 There was John and Joan, the Sheepdogs. 153 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,065 John, honey, stop licking yourself there. 154 00:06:16,067 --> 00:06:17,950 You know they won't come back. 155 00:06:17,952 --> 00:06:20,335 I'm just amazed I can reach 'em. 156 00:06:20,337 --> 00:06:22,354 There was Heather, the Stay-At-Home Goose, 157 00:06:22,356 --> 00:06:25,724 and all three of her lambs... 158 00:06:25,726 --> 00:06:27,659 and her husband, Tim the Tractor. 159 00:06:27,661 --> 00:06:29,495 Really? If you're gonna make me a tractor, 160 00:06:29,497 --> 00:06:30,996 can you at least give me some hair? 161 00:06:30,998 --> 00:06:33,332 Cool, a comb-over! 162 00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:35,048 I feel like I'm 18 again. 163 00:06:35,073 --> 00:06:36,535 Also, there was Jen the Fox... 164 00:06:36,537 --> 00:06:38,337 Mah. Meh? 165 00:06:38,339 --> 00:06:40,105 I don't know what sound a fox makes. 166 00:06:40,107 --> 00:06:42,608 And her husband, Greg the Defensive Duck. 167 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:45,577 I only sound defensive because you can't say, 168 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,313 "I'm not defensive" without sounding defensive. 169 00:06:48,315 --> 00:06:49,865 Just finish the ceremony. 170 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:53,018 I now pronounce you chicken and rooster. 171 00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:56,789 I give it six months. 172 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,291 But that's actually a really long time for chickens. 173 00:07:00,494 --> 00:07:03,228 Uh-oh. 174 00:07:04,398 --> 00:07:05,894 Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. 175 00:07:05,919 --> 00:07:08,066 Despite Chickaleen's multiple fractures, 176 00:07:08,068 --> 00:07:09,839 the lovebirds wanted nothing more 177 00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:11,799 than to start a family of their own. 178 00:07:11,824 --> 00:07:14,450 Honey, let's make an egg. 179 00:07:15,207 --> 00:07:17,342 Are those real or hormone injected? 180 00:07:17,344 --> 00:07:19,311 So, they tried to make an egg. 181 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,380 And when it didn't happen the first time, 182 00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:22,648 they tried some more. 183 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,982 They even tried some stuff 184 00:07:23,984 --> 00:07:25,451 they knew wouldn't make an egg, 185 00:07:25,453 --> 00:07:26,869 but they had to keep it fresh. 186 00:07:29,523 --> 00:07:31,557 But, eventually, what used to be fun 187 00:07:31,559 --> 00:07:33,599 began to feel like a job. 188 00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:35,794 - Morning. - Morning. 189 00:07:35,796 --> 00:07:37,713 See you Monday. 190 00:07:37,715 --> 00:07:39,264 See you Monday. 191 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,701 But, still, they couldn't make an egg. 192 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,002 Honey, it's okay. 193 00:07:44,004 --> 00:07:45,504 If it's meant to be, it'll be. 194 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:46,805 There's no pressure. 195 00:07:46,807 --> 00:07:48,340 But there was pressure, 196 00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:50,476 and it came from other animals on the farm. 197 00:07:50,478 --> 00:07:52,678 Without kids, the search for life's meaning 198 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,658 is one big wild me chase. 199 00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:57,616 I'm a goose. 200 00:07:57,618 --> 00:07:59,618 My friend the cat couldn't have babies, 201 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:02,068 and now she just has a bunch of cats. 202 00:08:02,093 --> 00:08:03,789 It's very confusing. 203 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,991 You don't even have to have an egg for you. 204 00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:08,760 - You do it to make your mom happy. - Seriously? 205 00:08:08,762 --> 00:08:10,662 I mean, what's the point of having eight nipples 206 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,130 if you're not going to use them? 207 00:08:12,132 --> 00:08:13,799 Yeah, what's taking you guys so long? 208 00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:16,134 My daughter has three kids with a tractor. 209 00:08:16,136 --> 00:08:17,469 We used to have more, 210 00:08:17,471 --> 00:08:20,305 but these tractors don't have backup cameras. 211 00:08:20,307 --> 00:08:21,640 Dr. Hootstein, 212 00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:23,108 why can't we make an egg? 213 00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:26,067 I mean, I went off all of my antidepressants, 214 00:08:26,092 --> 00:08:27,880 and it's not going great. 215 00:08:31,284 --> 00:08:32,516 What?! 216 00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:34,419 "Owl" need to run more tests, but... 217 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,489 I'm ready for my Pap smear. 218 00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:39,358 Excuse me. 219 00:08:41,996 --> 00:08:44,096 Now, where was I? Oh, yes. 220 00:08:44,098 --> 00:08:45,697 See, the sad truth is, 221 00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:48,467 some couples just aren't able to have an egg. 222 00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:50,369 But you have options, like IVF, 223 00:08:50,371 --> 00:08:53,205 which can be difficult and heartbreaking. 224 00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:56,975 And even then, there's no guarantee. 225 00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:59,411 Excuse me, Dr. Hootstein, 226 00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:00,879 have you seen my wife? 227 00:09:02,089 --> 00:09:03,615 No. 228 00:09:04,958 --> 00:09:06,451 Is he gone? 229 00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:09,421 After a long walk back to the barn, 230 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,923 Chickaleen and Matt-A-Doodle-Do 231 00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,591 decided they didn't want to go through all that 232 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,626 and risk still having their hearts broken. 233 00:09:14,628 --> 00:09:16,238 The end. 234 00:09:16,263 --> 00:09:17,696 "The end"? 235 00:09:17,698 --> 00:09:18,764 The end. 236 00:09:19,138 --> 00:09:20,732 But that's so sad. 237 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:23,035 It's not sad, it's just reality. 238 00:09:23,037 --> 00:09:24,939 Which is sad. 239 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,181 But they're okay with it. 240 00:09:26,385 --> 00:09:29,007 I mean, Chickaleen still cries sometimes 241 00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:30,442 when she's alone. 242 00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:32,411 You do? I didn't know that. 243 00:09:32,413 --> 00:09:33,745 Just a little. 244 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,547 Like any time I see a baby. 245 00:09:35,549 --> 00:09:37,716 Or a family. Or right now. 246 00:09:37,718 --> 00:09:39,318 Oh, honey, we said we were gonna stop trying 247 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,153 because we didn't want to have our hearts broken, 248 00:09:41,155 --> 00:09:42,688 but if our hearts are broken anyway, 249 00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:43,755 then what's the point? 250 00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:44,990 Your heart's broken, too? 251 00:09:44,992 --> 00:09:46,240 Of course it is. 252 00:09:46,265 --> 00:09:47,537 I mean, once I stopped panicking 253 00:09:47,562 --> 00:09:48,994 because we were gonna have a family, 254 00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:51,029 I started panicking because we weren't gonna have one. 255 00:09:51,031 --> 00:09:54,232 Matt, if you feel this way, too, then... 256 00:09:54,598 --> 00:09:56,602 I say we just go for it. 257 00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:58,036 No matter what it takes. 258 00:09:58,911 --> 00:09:59,738 Okay. 259 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:00,839 Okay? 260 00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:04,009 Yeah. 261 00:10:06,714 --> 00:10:08,647 Okay, you don't need tongues to make a baby. 262 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,182 I know that much. 263 00:10:11,930 --> 00:10:13,829 _ 264 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,766 Carla, huh? 265 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,133 That's a lot of clip art 266 00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:21,035 for a nursing résumé. I say pass. 267 00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:24,238 Okay. Come on. 268 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,973 This one took 19 years 269 00:10:25,975 --> 00:10:27,708 to finish nursing school. Uh-uh. 270 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,010 Now, just stay out of it. 271 00:10:29,012 --> 00:10:30,044 All right, this is my nurse. 272 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,145 I will make the decision. 273 00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,146 You don't want my help? 274 00:10:32,148 --> 00:10:33,180 No! I don't. 275 00:10:33,182 --> 00:10:34,649 You make all of our decisions. 276 00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:36,014 I never get to make any. 277 00:10:36,039 --> 00:10:38,316 Yeah, Tim, because I am really awesome 278 00:10:38,341 --> 00:10:39,558 at making decisions. 279 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:41,889 Hey, just ask that pillow that you're laying on, 280 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,392 which you said is exactly like sleeping on a boob. 281 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,061 Well, these are not pillows or boobs, okay. 282 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,896 This is my kingdom. 283 00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:49,997 Who do you want? 284 00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:53,142 I am going to hire Mindy. 285 00:10:53,167 --> 00:10:54,853 - That's right. - You sure you want to hire Mindy? 286 00:10:54,878 --> 00:10:57,087 Yes. Mindy. No, wait, no, no, no. 287 00:10:57,112 --> 00:10:59,774 No, not Mindy. Cindy! I said Cindy. 288 00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,988 - Cindy. Cindy. - See? Cindy. 289 00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:03,812 You want to know what I think about Cindy? 290 00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:04,671 - Nope. - No? 291 00:11:04,696 --> 00:11:06,110 'Cause I already know everything about Cindy. 292 00:11:06,135 --> 00:11:08,560 Cindy is yay tall, Polynesian, 293 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,386 short black hair, Looney Tunes scrubs. 294 00:11:11,388 --> 00:11:13,588 Cindy. My gal. Love her. 295 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,490 I am so excited about working here. 296 00:11:15,492 --> 00:11:17,059 Thank you for this opportunity. 297 00:11:17,592 --> 00:11:19,694 You're Cindy? You're not Cindy. 298 00:11:19,719 --> 00:11:21,296 Good one, Dr. Hughes. 299 00:11:21,298 --> 00:11:23,198 I knew you were funny when we first met. 300 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,767 Especially when you pretended to fall asleep during my interview. 301 00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,834 - So we have met before? - Yes. 302 00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:30,839 - And you looked exactly like you do now? - Yeah. 303 00:11:30,841 --> 00:11:33,126 As I told you in my interview, magic is my hobby, 304 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,349 but I wouldn't trick you on my first day. 305 00:11:35,374 --> 00:11:36,653 Or would I? Ah! 306 00:11:37,006 --> 00:11:38,988 - Uh, I don't know. - Mm. 307 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,190 - Okay. Well, hey, welcome. - All right... 308 00:11:41,192 --> 00:11:42,558 - It's good to have you, Cindy. - Yep. 309 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,527 That's you. You're Cindy. 310 00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:47,140 Heather, you screwed me up! I hired Cindy, 311 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,764 and I meant to hire Mindy! 312 00:11:48,766 --> 00:11:49,999 Oh, Cindy was my favorite. 313 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,852 She's fantastic. She does magic. 314 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,469 No, she's awful! 315 00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,271 I-I wrote a prescription, and she ripped it 316 00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:58,107 into a million pieces, and then she made it go back together 317 00:11:58,109 --> 00:12:00,943 by blowing on it, and that is unsanitary. 318 00:12:00,945 --> 00:12:03,446 That's fun. You love magic. 319 00:12:03,448 --> 00:12:04,814 Not anymore, I don't. 320 00:12:04,816 --> 00:12:06,382 Look, you should not have been meddling 321 00:12:06,384 --> 00:12:07,471 in my decision. 322 00:12:07,496 --> 00:12:09,495 Now, I've hired this girl, and I'm stuck with her. 323 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,820 She's gonna be great, just like 324 00:12:10,822 --> 00:12:12,288 every other decision that I've made. 325 00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:14,423 You know what, ask that underwear I bought you 326 00:12:14,425 --> 00:12:17,593 that you said is like not wearing underwear. 327 00:12:17,595 --> 00:12:20,563 I can't ask underwear, Heather. It can't talk. 328 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,499 Unlike the pair I wanted to buy. 329 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,535 Not so fast, Doc. 330 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,737 I went ahead and updated these files, 331 00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:29,739 so they're all up to the minute. 332 00:12:29,741 --> 00:12:32,008 And Mr. Kotkin has been weighed and measured. 333 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,110 So am I actually ahead of schedule today? 334 00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,945 You are. You can take an early lunch. 335 00:12:35,947 --> 00:12:39,482 - Heh. - As long as you have money for the cafe. 336 00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:41,050 - Chocolate? - Yeah. 337 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,618 That's even better than real money! 338 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:44,487 Oh, I can do it with noses and throats, too. 339 00:12:44,489 --> 00:12:46,589 Well, you keep this up, and I'll be pulling a raise 340 00:12:46,591 --> 00:12:47,556 out of your ear. 341 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:48,901 Oh, stop. 342 00:12:49,815 --> 00:12:51,193 Ah, great to see you, Mike. 343 00:12:51,195 --> 00:12:52,762 We'll, uh, call in that prescription, 344 00:12:52,764 --> 00:12:54,630 and Cindy will get you your samples. 345 00:12:54,632 --> 00:12:56,666 Already got 'em. Here you go, Mr. Kotkin. 346 00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:57,933 - Wow. - So, I'll just validate your parking, 347 00:12:57,935 --> 00:12:59,388 and you'll be good to go. 348 00:12:59,413 --> 00:13:00,612 Okay. 349 00:13:02,373 --> 00:13:03,606 Ooh, you're gonna love this. 350 00:13:03,914 --> 00:13:05,904 - Kind of need that. - Bah! 351 00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:08,144 Oh. 352 00:13:08,514 --> 00:13:09,512 I thought you were gonna make it 353 00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:10,680 go back together again. 354 00:13:10,682 --> 00:13:12,782 Back together like this? 355 00:13:12,784 --> 00:13:17,019 Ha! Are you... 356 00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:20,503 That is why I very purposefully hired this specific Cindy. 357 00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:21,636 Oh. Thank you. 358 00:13:21,661 --> 00:13:22,893 Mm. 359 00:13:24,042 --> 00:13:26,195 - No orange? - Hey, honey. I'm here. 360 00:13:26,197 --> 00:13:27,663 I was able to make a decision 361 00:13:27,665 --> 00:13:29,699 about where to park my car. 362 00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:33,002 And I also managed to draw a big wiener on yours. 363 00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:35,237 - Thank you. Look I, um... - Mm-hmm. Yeah. 364 00:13:35,239 --> 00:13:37,773 I asked you to come in because I want to take you out to dinner. 365 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:40,209 You were right, and I'm sorry. 366 00:13:40,211 --> 00:13:42,445 - I'm sorry, what's that? - I said, you were right. 367 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,492 - Right... - I'm sorry. Cindy is great. 368 00:13:44,517 --> 00:13:46,649 She's the perfect nurse, and you knew it all along. 369 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:48,818 So I need to start including you in my decisions, 370 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,352 because you make good ones. 371 00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:51,921 Like naming our daughter Sophia 372 00:13:51,923 --> 00:13:54,990 instead of what I wanted to name her... Pantera. 373 00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:56,392 Thank you. 374 00:13:56,394 --> 00:13:59,528 And I'm going to make sure to wait until you ask me 375 00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:02,798 before I meddle in your business uninvited. 376 00:14:03,305 --> 00:14:04,100 Hey. 377 00:14:04,102 --> 00:14:06,102 All right. Thanks. 378 00:14:06,104 --> 00:14:08,070 - Oh, Cindy. - Oh! 379 00:14:08,072 --> 00:14:09,805 This is my wife, Heather, the other woman in my life 380 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,028 who makes me wash my hands. 381 00:14:11,053 --> 00:14:13,042 Oh, Cindy, it is so great to meet you. 382 00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:14,710 - Nice to meet you. - We're off to dinner, 383 00:14:14,712 --> 00:14:17,179 - so I'm gonna go put on my eating pants. - Okay. 384 00:14:17,181 --> 00:14:19,315 I knew you were gonna be great. You were my first choice. 385 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:20,792 Oh, what do you mean? 386 00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:22,750 Tim... you know, funny story... 387 00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:25,932 He actually meant to hire someone else. 388 00:14:27,056 --> 00:14:27,957 He did? 389 00:14:29,142 --> 00:14:30,837 I mean, that-that's the funny part. 390 00:14:31,729 --> 00:14:34,697 He-he hired you accidentally, 391 00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:38,200 but now, I mean, here you are, and he couldn't be happier. 392 00:14:38,202 --> 00:14:39,802 Right? I mean, isn't it fantastic to... 393 00:14:39,804 --> 00:14:41,837 What are you doing, Cindy? 394 00:14:41,839 --> 00:14:42,671 Quitting. 395 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:43,873 Why? 396 00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:45,374 I don't want to work for a boss 397 00:14:45,376 --> 00:14:47,209 who didn't want to hire me in the first place. 398 00:14:47,211 --> 00:14:49,111 You can tell your husband that my resignation letter will be 399 00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:50,579 inside one of the oranges in the break room. 400 00:14:50,976 --> 00:14:53,649 How do you get the letter in the orange? 401 00:14:53,651 --> 00:14:55,417 A magician never tells. 402 00:14:55,419 --> 00:14:57,453 No. 403 00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:01,724 Hey, babe, what do you think if we invite Cindy? Wha... 404 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:02,825 Where is Cindy? 405 00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:05,505 Did she do her disappearing act? 406 00:15:06,028 --> 00:15:07,096 Yeah. 407 00:15:07,098 --> 00:15:08,664 Sure. Could you, 408 00:15:08,666 --> 00:15:11,233 um, grab me an orange from the break room? 409 00:15:11,235 --> 00:15:12,735 If there's one that's just, like, 410 00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,103 right on top of the pile, just... 411 00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:15,704 I want to put it in my purse. 412 00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:19,907 _ 413 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:22,595 Mommy! 414 00:15:22,597 --> 00:15:25,098 No. I heard "Dad." 415 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:28,167 This stupid dog. Every morning. 416 00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,702 Where does that thing even live? 417 00:15:29,704 --> 00:15:32,338 In our nightmares. 418 00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,274 Must be the new neighbors. 419 00:15:34,869 --> 00:15:36,142 You want to go over there and find out? 420 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,544 Mm? Yeah, sure, I'll-I'll deal with the neighbors, 421 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,213 and you can take Lark. 422 00:15:41,516 --> 00:15:43,750 Well, come on, Jen, what are you doing? 423 00:15:43,752 --> 00:15:46,304 I'm meeting the new neighbors. 424 00:15:50,147 --> 00:15:51,043 Hi! 425 00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:52,425 - Hi. - Uh, we just wanted 426 00:15:52,427 --> 00:15:53,459 to welcome you to the neighborhood. 427 00:15:53,461 --> 00:15:54,994 We're the Shorts, from over there. 428 00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:55,996 Jen and Greg. 429 00:15:56,035 --> 00:15:56,799 Oh! Hi! 430 00:15:56,824 --> 00:15:58,401 Oh! Well, nice to meet you, the Shorts. 431 00:15:58,426 --> 00:16:00,026 - We are the Longs. - Oh. 432 00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:02,735 Just kidding. That would be ridiculous. No. 433 00:16:02,737 --> 00:16:04,370 We're the Jazzelroys. 434 00:16:04,372 --> 00:16:06,140 I'm Finn. This is Dianna. 435 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:06,976 We don't have children. 436 00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:08,408 But, you know, by choice. 437 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,944 Cool. Uh, we brought you these. 438 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,847 Mmm. Jen, I am freaking out. 439 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,122 These are so good. 440 00:16:16,147 --> 00:16:18,217 Oh, thank you. Yeah, you want to know the secret? 441 00:16:18,219 --> 00:16:21,354 They're store-bought, and then I covered them in plastic wrap. 442 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,522 Yeah. 443 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,589 It's a lot of work. 444 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:25,491 Yeah, uh, be careful though. 445 00:16:25,493 --> 00:16:27,994 'Cause they're chocolate. And, you know, if a dog will eat it, 446 00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:30,563 the dog will then die, so... 447 00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:32,065 You guys don't have a dog, do you? 448 00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:33,533 - Very smooth. - Thank you. 449 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,767 - No. - No. 450 00:16:34,769 --> 00:16:36,936 But, sometimes it feels like we do 451 00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:39,339 because of that annoying dog nearby. 452 00:16:39,341 --> 00:16:40,573 The barking one. 453 00:16:40,575 --> 00:16:41,674 Yes! You know of it? 454 00:16:41,676 --> 00:16:43,276 Know of it? I hate of it! 455 00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:44,754 It's driving us insane. 456 00:16:44,779 --> 00:16:46,713 Us, too. You know, it's really interfering 457 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:49,015 with our binge-watching. Right now, I'm really into 458 00:16:49,017 --> 00:16:52,151 this show about people who regret their nose jobs. 459 00:16:52,153 --> 00:16:53,086 A Little Off the Nose? 460 00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:54,087 - Yes! - Yeah. 461 00:16:54,089 --> 00:16:56,155 I love that show! 462 00:16:56,157 --> 00:16:59,192 Um, what are you guys doing on Saturday? 463 00:16:59,217 --> 00:17:00,000 Finn has this thing 464 00:17:00,025 --> 00:17:00,937 - where he gets really into hobbies... - Yes. 465 00:17:00,962 --> 00:17:02,128 and then, like, loses interest. 466 00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:04,525 But right now, he's all about smoking meats. 467 00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:08,000 Um, Greg is fly-fishing in the morning, 468 00:17:08,002 --> 00:17:09,602 - but I think we're free after that. - Well-well, 469 00:17:09,604 --> 00:17:11,170 that... no, that was, that was last week. 470 00:17:11,172 --> 00:17:12,483 - Oh. - This week was gonna be about 471 00:17:12,508 --> 00:17:14,507 raising awareness about the dangers of fly-fishing. 472 00:17:14,532 --> 00:17:15,641 - But who cares? - Right. 473 00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,410 Then we'll rub the pork butt tonight, 474 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:19,278 and then we'll slaughter that pig tomorrow. 475 00:17:20,612 --> 00:17:21,914 Yeah. You know, that's very funny. 476 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,950 I-I have made that exact same joke before. 477 00:17:23,952 --> 00:17:25,885 Yeah. More than once. Yeah. 478 00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:28,531 - Oh, no, I'm so stuffed. - Mm. Mm-mm. 479 00:17:28,556 --> 00:17:30,757 I don't think I can eat another bite. 480 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,158 Don't worry, we always wrap up the extras 481 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,426 and take it to the shelter. 482 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:36,629 Oh. Yeah, we do the same thing, except throw it away. 483 00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:37,630 Yeah. 484 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:38,765 - Eh. - Yeah. 485 00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:40,800 - God! - There it is again. 486 00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:42,568 You know, we found out it lives in the house 487 00:17:42,570 --> 00:17:43,903 on the other side of us. 488 00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:45,638 - The other side. - The other side. 489 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,507 It's always the last place you look. 490 00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:48,641 Well, okay, 491 00:17:48,643 --> 00:17:50,376 this may just be the tequila talking, 492 00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,278 but, Finn, what do you say you and I go over there 493 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,182 and we just, you know, handle the situation, huh? 494 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:54,813 Oh. 495 00:17:54,838 --> 00:17:57,417 Okay. I'll just say this. When the tequila talks to me, 496 00:17:57,419 --> 00:17:59,252 someone's not happy. 497 00:17:59,254 --> 00:18:01,220 Head over the toilet. 498 00:18:01,222 --> 00:18:03,089 Uh, I'm down with this, I totally support it. 499 00:18:03,091 --> 00:18:06,720 You guys go confront that, and we will stay here and confront 500 00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:08,761 - the rest of this, uh, vino blanco. - Ah. 501 00:18:08,763 --> 00:18:10,797 - Cheers. - Ah. 502 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,498 Do you mind if I take lead on this? 503 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:13,900 I'm kind of a people person. 504 00:18:13,902 --> 00:18:15,067 Hey, you're the captain. 505 00:18:15,069 --> 00:18:16,669 I'm just a stowaway on this boat. 506 00:18:17,572 --> 00:18:19,505 Quiet down, Lilac. 507 00:18:20,782 --> 00:18:22,281 - Oh. - Oh, hello there, ma'am. 508 00:18:22,306 --> 00:18:23,578 I hope you're having a blessed day... 509 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,911 Listen up, bitch! 510 00:18:24,913 --> 00:18:27,046 If you don't shut your freaking dog up, 511 00:18:27,048 --> 00:18:29,515 then we're gonna shut it up forever! 512 00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:32,546 But my Lilac is a, is a seizure alert dog. 513 00:18:32,571 --> 00:18:35,331 Well, Lilac is gonna alert you when she's dead. 514 00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:37,530 If that dog barks one more time, 515 00:18:37,555 --> 00:18:40,014 we will tear it apart! 516 00:18:40,039 --> 00:18:42,507 Can you hear me? 517 00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:44,597 I think that went good. 518 00:18:44,599 --> 00:18:45,932 We're a good team. 519 00:18:46,273 --> 00:18:48,779 - Also, such a sweet lady. - Uh-huh. 520 00:18:48,804 --> 00:18:50,269 God, your hair smells awesome. 521 00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:51,904 Is that coconut? 522 00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,141 Thank you so much. 523 00:18:55,143 --> 00:18:57,276 And we cannot wait to go to your ski house. 524 00:18:57,278 --> 00:18:58,444 - Oh. - Oh, it... just so you know though, 525 00:18:58,446 --> 00:18:59,812 it's a ski-in, ski-out. 526 00:18:59,814 --> 00:19:01,332 Ski-in, ski-out! 527 00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,949 But I hope you're not allergic to hot tubs. 528 00:19:02,951 --> 00:19:04,717 Thank you. 529 00:19:05,192 --> 00:19:06,652 Well, don't you want to tell them 530 00:19:06,654 --> 00:19:09,455 - about the-the snowboard you made? - Oh. 531 00:19:09,457 --> 00:19:11,769 It-it's just some, just some old plywood, really. 532 00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:12,959 It's a... whatever. 533 00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:16,496 Brother, I would love to see that snowboard. 534 00:19:16,498 --> 00:19:18,364 You can have it. 535 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:19,868 Okay. 536 00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:20,992 Bye. 537 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:24,403 Greg, what is wrong with you? 538 00:19:24,405 --> 00:19:27,073 Jen, that guy's a lunatic. 539 00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:29,175 He threatened to kill that old lady's dog. 540 00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:30,910 Okay, well, let's not overreact 541 00:19:30,912 --> 00:19:33,412 until we see how nice their ski house is. 542 00:19:33,437 --> 00:19:34,160 What? 543 00:19:34,185 --> 00:19:35,566 Come on, they give to a homeless shelter. 544 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,083 Doesn't that balance things out? 545 00:19:37,085 --> 00:19:40,550 - No. - It's ski-in, ski-out, Greg. 546 00:19:40,575 --> 00:19:42,709 I want to feel the wind in my hair. 547 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:52,048 Hi. Hi... oh! One second, please. 548 00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,350 I had no idea our neighbor was gonna say those things. 549 00:19:54,352 --> 00:19:55,618 I am so sorry. 550 00:19:55,620 --> 00:19:56,852 Yeah, so, uh... 551 00:19:56,854 --> 00:19:58,521 I got these for you. 552 00:20:03,455 --> 00:20:05,561 Hey, Greg. 553 00:20:07,314 --> 00:20:08,864 What you doing over there? 554 00:20:09,537 --> 00:20:10,533 Uh... 555 00:20:10,851 --> 00:20:13,051 I was just, uh... 556 00:20:13,076 --> 00:20:15,838 giving the old lady some flowers for her funeral. 557 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,208 Telling her, if things don't change around here, you know... 558 00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:22,578 You're not, uh... 559 00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:24,733 lying to me, are you, Greg? 560 00:20:25,363 --> 00:20:26,986 I'm not lying. 561 00:20:27,011 --> 00:20:29,485 I am not lying to you. No. 562 00:20:29,487 --> 00:20:31,454 Absolutely n-no. 563 00:20:31,456 --> 00:20:33,389 I... what's that, Jen? 564 00:20:33,391 --> 00:20:35,558 I-I'll be right home! 565 00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:36,892 Got to... 566 00:20:36,894 --> 00:20:38,260 All right, see you, bud. 567 00:20:38,992 --> 00:20:40,329 Tell Jen hi for me. 568 00:20:40,331 --> 00:20:41,931 Uh-huh.