I'm not killing anyone. Ever.
Ever, ever, ever.
_
I am going to kill Teo.
And I will come back.
You don't have any bottled water?
Hello?
ExtraSafe Security.
I was right, Mom.
You're the killer.
No way. Are you sure?
You're Miss Scarlett.
With the rope in the conservatory.
What's a conservatory?
It's a room you grow plants in, like a... like a greenhouse.
A greenhouse in your house.
How'd you know that?
Uh, because I work in the industry.
Also, there are plants right there.
See? In the conservatory.
Does your new house have a conservatory?
My new house?
The mansion Javier gave you.
Oh, no.
There's no conservatory.
That's for the best.
Pretty sure you'd end up killing all the plants anyway.
Pretty hard to kill a cactus, though.
And why are you giving Letty shit about keeping plants alive?
You've never kept a plant alive in your life.
How would you know?
Maybe that's why she married me.
I keep plants alive. That's what I do.
Women don't marry for gardening skills.
We marry for money.
We also marry for love and sex, Mom.
You called me "Mom."
You have never done that before.
Oh, that's good.
Can I steal that? For my story?
Sure.
We're all about stealing.
But I'll make it Letty who calls you "Mom,"
and you say she's never done that before.
But that's not true. Letty calls me Mom.
There was a long time when I didn't.
Wait just a goddamn minute.
Ah!
I knew that wasn't right.
I knew I was right.
I'm the FBI agent, so it makes sense that I would be right.
Don't feel bad. You're not an idiot.
So who did it?
Letty Raines, in the mansion, with the gun.
Letty.
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Letty?
Teo was in the house.
Okay.
He was just... in the house.
He had a gun.
He was about to kill me, and then...
And then this guy, t-the security guy,
he walked in, and Teo killed him,
a-and then I killed Teo
because I knew after Teo killed the security guy,
he was going to kill me.
So I had to act fast.
Is that true?
I'm done.
You're not. You are here.
I mean, I'm done. I'm out.
What a joke that I ever thought I could be...
Letty.
I don't belong out here.
I don't belong. I should just turn myself in.
Or I should...
Everything is just too hard.
No, it's not.
No, just let me do it. Let me be done.
Just let me be done.
Let me be good at one thing.
I am not going to let you do that.
I'm going to take the gun away from you right now, okay?
Please.
We are going to fix this.
I just murdered two people.
You can't unmurder people.
- But you can make them go away. - No, you can't.
No more talking.
I am going to start cleaning these up.
You don't have to do anything.
Just stay there until you feel like helping.
I'm not helping.
I will clean up this mess.
Why bother? Let's just get out of here.
If we run,
it will never be far enough.
When someone finds the bodies, they'll come for you.
This house is in your name.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks again.
Wait.
My phone is in his pocket.
Can I have it?
- You're not calling 9-1-1. - I won't.
I have no idea what you're going to do right now.
You cannot have your phone.
Can I have the money, then?
Sure.
- And my phone. - No.
Be right back.
If you want your phone, you will have to stand up and get it.
_
You're standing.
Did you call 9-1-1?
Good.
That's his phone.
Don't look at it. Just... put it in your pocket.
He was supposed to come tomorrow.
Well, he came today.
Should we just...
Fine.
And now, we clean.
_
I'm so sorry about all the blood.
I've more than the most people, obviously.
- Stop. - Oh, no. No, sorry.
I-I just... I-I wanted to apologize.
For being so hard to move around.
I had been trying to lose weight. I really had.
You ever try Lean Cuisines?
No.
I had to eat, like, three of 'em
just to get any kind of satisfaction.
And then, well, that kind of defeated the purpose.
I guess it's your problem now.
Oh, I-I'm Brett, by the way.
- I killed you. - Big-time.
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm gonna turn myself in.
You would never do that.
How do you know?
Because no one punishes you
better than you punish yourself.
Letty.
You finished cleaning.
Come on. Let's go.
Where?
Some wetlands about an hour and a half from here.
A lot of empty land for miles,
so it's a good place to burn the bodies.
Why do I have to go?
Because we will need a way to get back after we burn the van.
You're giving me too much information right now.
I'm just answering your questions.
Don't worry. I'm in charge.
All you need to do is follow behind me in the Range Rover.
Hello? ExtraSafe Security.
What are you doing?
Good eye.
Just put it...
Here.
This thing needs gas.
Of course it does.
The universe is trying to make sure I get fucked for this.
Okay.
We will also need to get burner phones, so it's fine.
- Wanna see my kids? - Oh, god.
Come on. I'll show you my kids.
Oh, wait. You have my phone.
It's in your purse. Pull it out.
- I wanna show you my kids. - I'm good.
My youngest, Laura,
needs a heart transplant.
And now she has no father.
Nathan just got braces.
Kiley has a learning disability.
I was gonna use my overtime
to get her a special tutor.
Well, that's what life insurance is for.
You're right.
But now I can't remember if I sent the payment in.
I know that I went to mail the check,
but I got so distracted with Nathan's heart issues.
- Laura. - What?
Laura needs the heart transplant.
- Nathan is the braces. - See how forgetful I am?
I probably forgot to mail it in.
- I'm sure you remembered. - Maybe.
But even if I did,
I bet my wife would rather have her husband
than a life insurance check.
And I bet my kids would rather have their dad back.
You're making all of this up.
You would know.
I wonder if Jacob wants you back.
Please just leave me alone.
Why are you smoking?
What?
Are you okay to be driving?
Yeah.
Here. I got burner phones.
I already put our numbers in.
We should turn our real phones off now.
What about Brett's phone?
- Who? - The security guy.
How do you know his name?
I...
I just named him.
Should I turn off his phone?
No, leave it on for awhile.
It's good if it looks like he drove around a little more.
I turned it off.
I know, but I still would like to keep it.
Shit.
Hi.
- License and registration. - Yeah.
And your license.
Oh, shit.
I think I left my wallet
at my last appointment.
You know, I took it out to give 'em my... my business card.
Shit, I think I must've left it there.
That's unfortunate, Mister...
Patrick Donnelly.
May I ask why you pulled me over?
Your left brake light is out.
Yes.
_
"I'll handle it."
I love that he texted you that.
Code for, "I'm going to kill her."
Right in her face.
I mean, that is literally his job.
He's not gonna kill her.
You're right.
He's got so much on his plate cleaning up your mess,
he probably doesn't wanna make one of his own.
Why do you sound like that now?
- Like what? - Like a douchebag.
Well, maybe I was a douchebag.
You had your wife in your phone as "Honey."
Maybe that's the name of the stripper I live with.
Honey is a great stripper name.
Or maybe it is my wife.
And maybe I cheat on her
or I smack her around.
- Not anymore. - Right. Thanks to you.
- It was an accident. - "It was an accident."
"It's because of my mom."
"Oh, no, it's because of Sean."
"It's how I was raised."
- "It because of the system!" - Shut up.
Isn't it time for you to admit
that your bullshit drags everyone down?
- You're the worst. - Yeah. Maybe.
But at least I never murdered anyone.
Hi.
One of the brake lights is out. She let me go.
You should turn his phone off now. Let's go.
This is your chance, dude.
Save Javier by running away from him.
You'll never see him again,
but it is the smart thing to do
because then, he would never have to see you again.
Light's green.
- Letty... - Just wait.
- Are you okay? - Are you hurt?
No, I'm fine. You didn't do anything wrong.
There's $4,000 there, at least.
I'm... I'm sorry I got in your way.
I hit you!
Letty!
- Let me go. - What are you doing?
- I make it worse for you! - Make what worse?
Life!
I am always the problem. Why do you wanna be around me?
Yes, you're a problem, but so is everyone.
Just let me leave you.
No. We have done that.
And you always come back, and I always come back.
And we don't have time for all the steps right now.
Come on.
We don't have a way to get back now.
We'll figure it out. Right?
I miss my phone.
I know.
His name wasn't Brett.
His name was Patrick Donnelly.
I know.
I had to tell that cop who pulled me over
that I was Patrick Donnelly.
She believed me.
Why did you wave?
'Cause that's what they do.
It's like, "Hey, bro, we work for the same company."
You're not a bro. You're in the passenger seat. Just...
Don't draw attention.
Donnelly 34, you there?
Shit.
What?
He has another appointment at...
10 minutes ago.
Donnelly 34.
They are lookin' for me now.
Oh, god.
Could I bum a fag?
Why did you tell me your name was Brett?
I don't know. But now that you know I'm Patrick Donnelly,
you've turned me into a stereotype.
I sound like a bloody leprechaun.
They're not gonna find you.
Yeah, they will, when they find you.
You came on the wrong day, you know.
Oh, you're gonna try to blame this on me, are ya?
- You're a real piece of work. - So stop hanging out with me.
You think that's up to you?
I don't know which version of "A Christmas Carol"
you're familiar with, but the ghosts are in charge.
You're not a ghost,
and I'm not gonna let some leprechaun ruin my life.
We should stop and get that brake light fixed
so we don't get pulled over again.
No, we're not stopping. We're just getting rid of you.
Donnelly 34. Donnelly 34, come in.
We should stop and get that brake light fixed
so we don't get pulled over again.
You just said that.
What? We should get it fixed.
Don't stop driving.
Let's just get rid of him. Them.
You know "A Christmas Carol"?
I know a lot of Christmas carols.
No, I mean the book.
Or the movie or whatever. "A Christmas Carol."
Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah, the, uh, ghosts.
Right.
Would you say that the ghosts are in charge?
Donnelly 34, we've been trying your cellphone.
You didn't show up for your last appointment.
Need your 20.
Yeah, this is 62.
I saw van 34 just outside of Vidalia.
Dude had a girl in the passenger seat.
She was hot.
Donnelly, I don't know why you're up in Vidalia
or why you're cheatin' on Melissa,
but you'd better turn around
because if you don't bring my van back before the end of the day,
I'm calling the police and reporting it stolen.
So I killed the guy
and I made it look like he was cheating on his wife.
Wait, that's a motive.
The guy was cheating and he ran away to start a new life.
Or... killed himself or something.
If the police ever get involved,
that's the first thing they'll think.
I never cheated on my wife.
How many miles was that from the main road?
18, 19.
That's a long way to walk back.
If you hadn't driven away...
What are you doing?
I have to set up the bodies to burn.
You didn't bring lighter fluid?
That will only burn their skin away,
and then the fire will go out.
Okay.
I need your, uh, lighter.
Smack it upside down.
Just give it to me.
Fuck.
Maybe the van has one of those push... lighter things.
Nope.
The hole is there for thing, but the thing isn't there.
Maybe he has flares.
Yes.
No flares.
Of course. I told you. The universe.
Teo was always gonna make it difficult.
Up until the very end.
Even in death, still a total dick.
Thank you for killing him.
You're welcome.
He smokes.
What?
Teo. He smoked.
Let's make them go away now.
How many people have you killed?
Why?
I just wanna know.
More than 20?
More than 50?
I don't know.
Yes, you do. You keep track of everything.
But I'm not gonna tell you.
Well, I've killed two.
I mean, so I stole some shoes and did some drugs.
Big deal.
I mean, compared to...
I really wasn't that bad.
I never thought you were.
And I still don't.
I do.
I am sorry.
At least it's over now.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
We can go home now.
No.
I'm never going back there.
Police are not looking for us. The house is clean.
Because we mopped up blood and burned the bodies,
the house is clean?
Yeah.
We will be fine. The cleanup was flawless.
Stop saying the house is clean!
It will never be clean,
not to me.
Okay.
Okay. We don't have to go back there.
Ever.
Thank you.
We have no money, though.
Every penny went into the house.
So? I'll sell it.
You can't sell it that fast. Way too suspicious.
- Maybe in a year or two. - This is insane.
- I know. - No, I mean, I'm not walking 20 miles.
- Well, we have to. - No, we don't.
- You're not calling anyone. - Obviously, I am.
I'm calling Christian.
That house isn't us.
We could never be the people who live in that house.
I thought we could.
I know.
It was nice.
But three people were killed in it
within how many days of you moving in?
Four.
So, yeah,
we're not the people who live in that house.
Who are we, then?
I think we're hotel people.
Look who he brought.
Well, if it isn't Bonnie and Mexican Clyde.
Thanks for picking us up.
You're lucky we brought the Sprinter
as opposed to Christian's Ford Fiesta
or you'd be stuck out here in East Bumfuck forever.
Hop in.
What are you guys doing out here?
Javier wanted to go hiking.
Yeah, there were supposed to be some nice, uh,
- waterfalls out here. - Blah, blah, blah.
Look, I don't care what brought you two out here.
I don't care if you were burying dead bodies.
I don't give a shit
because I am no longer Agent Rhonda Lashever.
Well, who are you?
Just Rhonda.
Rhonda Lashever-Woodhill.
- You quit the FBI? - Retired.
Early, thanks to you two.
Congratulations.
Thanks, dude.
Where to? Need an address for the Nav.
Uh, the same house I dropped Letty off at, right?
Actually, we need to stop somewhere else first.
Here. I'll... I'll type it in.
"Letty was done looking over her shoulder.
"All that ugliness and pain could fade away
- into oblivion now." - Ha!
Barnes & Noble's gonna put it in the fantasy section.
"It was time to change paths.
"She was going to settle down, get a job,
"but she had to start somewhere.
"A sign came into view.
"It said 'East Carolina University.'
"Letty drove through campus,
"eyeing the students from behind her sunglasses.
"She parked in front of the first brick building she saw.
"Inside, a tiny woman sat at a large mahogany desk.
'Excuse me, ' Letty asked. 'How do I enroll?'"
The end.
You really want my opinion?
Of course, yes.
Letty would never do that.
But it was really good up until the end.
From East Bumfuck to West Bumfuck.
- You two are really killin' it. - Thanks.
I don't want you to have to keep picking me up.
Never a problem.
Well, it is, but okay.
I'll call you when I have an idea for a better ending.
Okay.
So where are we?
Our new car.
Called in a favor from a friend at the scrap yard.
You know, the place where we burned the Tesla.
Ricardo.
Good memory.
It's also where you told me I didn't have a home.
Well, I tried.
You did.
We have to disappear.
Disappearing is expensive.
No. Not that.
Not right now.
What then?
Where did you put Teo's cocaine?
I hope that's not where you put the cocaine.
It's not, but we should leave.
Why?
We're just here to pick something up
from your storage unit.
What's wrong with that?
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
We just need to pick something up from our storage unit,
number 32.
Is everything all right?
What number did you say yours is again?
32. That one right there.
All right, go ahead.
Thank you.
Be right back.
Evenin'.
Sorry. I...
We're just picking something up.
You okay?
Yeah. I'm good.
What happened over there?
Husband and wife. Brutal murder.
Jesus.
You know? You must need something really bad to hit up
your storage unit at 3:00 in the morning.
Yeah.
We just finished building a house.
We're moving in tomorrow.
All of my clothes are in there, so...
Just couldn't wait till morning, huh?
We've been staying in a hotel for two weeks,
but my husband thought it would be a good idea to go camping
on our last night as some sort of "thing."
Well, it wasn't a good idea. It was a shit show.
Where's all your camping stuff?
Exactly. And I have no clean clothes left.
So now he's getting my clothes
so he doesn't have to sleep on the hotel room floor tonight.
And that's why we're here at 3:00 in the morning.
Good luck with everything over there.
Two people were killed in there.
I know. That is how I paid for your house.
So where do you wanna go?
It's so hot here.
At least it's a dry heat.
How fast do you think we can sell the cocaine?
In L.A.?
Very fast.
Plus they have In-N-Out.
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