1
00:00:00,349 --> 00:00:01,974
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:02,565 --> 00:00:04,265
Want to grab some lunch?

3
00:00:04,267 --> 00:00:06,367
You know what? I don't think so.

4
00:00:06,369 --> 00:00:08,369
Oh, let me guess,
you're not eating

5
00:00:08,371 --> 00:00:12,140
because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?

6
00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:14,575
No. That, that right there.

7
00:00:14,577 --> 00:00:16,711
That's the reason.
You're always making fun of me.

8
00:00:16,713 --> 00:00:18,479
Those are just jokes.

9
00:00:18,481 --> 00:00:21,382
It's my way of saying
that we're friends,

10
00:00:21,384 --> 00:00:25,253
and it wouldn't hurt you
to drop a few.

11
00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:28,022
15 years of constant ridicule.

12
00:00:28,024 --> 00:00:30,992
I-I think our relationship
has become toxic.

13
00:00:30,994 --> 00:00:33,027
What are you saying?

14
00:00:33,029 --> 00:00:37,198
I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.

15
00:00:39,536 --> 00:00:41,002
Look, I...

16
00:00:41,004 --> 00:00:43,204
I can see you're
upset, but...

17
00:00:43,206 --> 00:00:46,507
I'm gonna need
some ground rules.

18
00:00:46,509 --> 00:00:50,111
While we're apart, can I see
other needy Indian men?

19
00:00:50,113 --> 00:00:51,346
Get out!

20
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:56,851
Oh, Stuart,
two questions:

21
00:00:56,853 --> 00:00:58,920
Do you have the new Aquaman,

22
00:00:58,922 --> 00:01:03,891
and do you mind if I use your
back room to smoke some meat?

23
00:01:03,893 --> 00:01:06,561
Well, since it's you asking,

24
00:01:06,563 --> 00:01:10,031
I'm gonna guess
that's not a euphemism.

25
00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:12,333
Why are you smoking meat?

26
00:01:12,335 --> 00:01:15,169
And why are you
reading Aquaman?

27
00:01:15,171 --> 00:01:18,906
I am trying to make Amy
a historically accurate

28
00:01:18,908 --> 00:01:22,343
Little House on the Prairie
dinner for her birthday, and...

29
00:01:22,345 --> 00:01:25,813
I want to be able to say I was
reading it before it was cool.

30
00:01:25,815 --> 00:01:28,282
Wow, well, that's
actually really sweet.

31
00:01:28,284 --> 00:01:30,918
The dinner thing.
The Aquaman thing's dumb.

32
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,320
Eh...

33
00:01:32,322 --> 00:01:35,189
Isn't Halley's birthday
the same as Amy's?

34
00:01:35,191 --> 00:01:37,525
Yeah, but we're not doing
anything big 'cause she's one,

35
00:01:37,527 --> 00:01:41,829
Bernadette's on bed rest,
and I'm lazy.

36
00:01:41,831 --> 00:01:43,731
Hey, guys.

37
00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:45,933
Hello.
Hey.

38
00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:47,301
Howard.

39
00:01:47,303 --> 00:01:48,770
Raj.

40
00:01:48,772 --> 00:01:51,072
Excuse me.

41
00:01:51,074 --> 00:01:53,441
Really? Is this
still happening?

42
00:01:53,443 --> 00:01:56,644
I'm willing to make up,
but someone's being a baby.

43
00:01:56,646 --> 00:01:59,280
Ooh! I do love a riddle.
Oh, let me see.

44
00:02:00,517 --> 00:02:02,016
See, my first guess
would be Halley,

45
00:02:02,018 --> 00:02:04,285
but that'd be strange to
accuse her of being a baby

46
00:02:04,287 --> 00:02:05,853
'cause she is a baby. Um...

47
00:02:05,855 --> 00:02:07,255
I suppose it could be Stuart;

48
00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:10,425
his head does have
a certain milky scent.

49
00:02:12,562 --> 00:02:14,662
Although...

50
00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:18,065
I-It's me, Sheldon.
He-He's calling me a baby.

51
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:21,602
No, I don't know. I saw Leonard
put his keys in his mouth today.

52
00:02:21,604 --> 00:02:24,739
You're a grown man; act like it.

53
00:02:24,741 --> 00:02:28,543
Big talk coming from a guy
holding an Archie comic book.

54
00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:31,746
Hey, werewolf Jughead
is not your dad's Jughead.

55
00:02:31,748 --> 00:02:35,082
Come on, you guys have been
friends forever. Quit fighting.

56
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:36,117
I have an extra ticket

57
00:02:36,119 --> 00:02:37,919
to the opening of
The Last Jedi tonight.

58
00:02:37,921 --> 00:02:40,288
It was gonna be Howard's,
but you can have it.

59
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,423
You two had a good run.

60
00:02:44,093 --> 00:02:47,694
? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

61
00:02:47,696 --> 00:02:51,031
? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

62
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,666
? The Earth began to cool ?

63
00:02:52,668 --> 00:02:55,202
? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

64
00:02:55,204 --> 00:02:57,871
? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

65
00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,541
? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

66
00:03:00,543 --> 00:03:02,443
? That all started
with a big bang ?

67
00:03:02,445 --> 00:03:02,488
? Bang! ?

68
00:03:02,490 --> 00:03:06,490
? The Big Bang Theory 11x11 ?
The Celebration Reverberation

69
00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:08,491
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

70
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,226
Uh, who wants to go see
Last Jedi again tonight?

71
00:03:11,228 --> 00:03:13,128
- Mm, I'm in.
- Me, too.

72
00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:16,031
It'll be nice to see the parts
I missed while I was blinking.

73
00:03:16,934 --> 00:03:18,734
Hey, guys,
there's a change of plans.

74
00:03:18,736 --> 00:03:21,236
We are having a party
for Halley's birthday after all.

75
00:03:21,238 --> 00:03:25,440
Turns out Bernadette and "anyone
who's not a heartless monster"

76
00:03:25,442 --> 00:03:27,643
thinks that's
the right thing to do.

77
00:03:27,645 --> 00:03:30,779
I don't like kids,
but I do like birthday cake.

78
00:03:30,781 --> 00:03:33,482
Oh, wait, will there be
sugary icing flowers on it?

79
00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:34,650
I don't know.

80
00:03:34,652 --> 00:03:37,019
I'll risk it.

81
00:03:37,021 --> 00:03:40,355
But if I have a tantrum and have
to leave early, you'll know why.

82
00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:44,526
Here you go. Here you go.

83
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,563
See you two there.

84
00:03:47,565 --> 00:03:49,164
Are you kidding me?

85
00:03:49,166 --> 00:03:50,933
You're not gonna invite me
to Halley's birthday?

86
00:03:50,935 --> 00:03:53,602
I'm her godfather;
that means something.

87
00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:56,939
Or-- hear me out on this--
it doesn't.

88
00:03:57,708 --> 00:03:59,041
Okay, that's enough.

89
00:03:59,043 --> 00:04:02,778
This fight either has to end
or get way more entertaining.

90
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:06,682
Don't worry about it 'cause
I'm done putting up with him!

91
00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:14,256
I know you have a lot
on your mind,

92
00:04:14,258 --> 00:04:17,392
but when do you think we'll have
an answer on those cake flowers?

93
00:04:19,763 --> 00:04:21,096
Hey.

94
00:04:21,098 --> 00:04:22,664
Hey. What you reading?

95
00:04:22,666 --> 00:04:24,099
Oh, it's your brother's
Christmas letter.

96
00:04:24,101 --> 00:04:25,334
Ugh.

97
00:04:25,336 --> 00:04:28,003
If there's a picture
of his wife and his kids

98
00:04:28,005 --> 00:04:30,939
and his dogs and his horses
all in matching pajamas,

99
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:33,141
I beg you to burn it.

100
00:04:33,143 --> 00:04:36,011
Aw, the people's pajamas
have little horses on them,

101
00:04:36,013 --> 00:04:39,047
and the horses'
have little people.

102
00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:42,117
It's just his chance to brag
about how great his life is.

103
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:43,185
Oh, come on, it's nice.

104
00:04:43,187 --> 00:04:44,720
You know that nonprofit
he works with?

105
00:04:44,722 --> 00:04:46,989
They built a hospital
in Rwanda.

106
00:04:46,991 --> 00:04:50,425
Look at me.
I built a hospital in Rwanda.

107
00:04:50,427 --> 00:04:53,662
That is a good point.
I hadn't thought of it that way.

108
00:04:53,664 --> 00:04:56,265
- Hello.
- Hey.

109
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:59,334
So this is for Amy's birthday.
Can I leave it here?

110
00:04:59,336 --> 00:05:00,569
Sure. What is it?

111
00:05:00,571 --> 00:05:02,371
A butter churn.

112
00:05:02,373 --> 00:05:04,506
Aw, that's what I got her.

113
00:05:04,508 --> 00:05:09,144
It's for her surprise
frontier birthday dinner.

114
00:05:09,146 --> 00:05:10,545
I am making

115
00:05:10,547 --> 00:05:13,215
hardtack, boiled salt pork,

116
00:05:13,217 --> 00:05:17,619
and because it's a special day,
a chewable gob of tree sap.

117
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,122
Is that good?

118
00:05:20,124 --> 00:05:22,224
Uh, compared to other foods, no.

119
00:05:22,226 --> 00:05:25,894
Compared to other parts
of a tree? Eh.

120
00:05:26,997 --> 00:05:30,666
And then after dinner,
we will have birthday coitus.

121
00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:34,503
Do you think that will also
be historically accurate?

122
00:05:34,505 --> 00:05:36,938
I assume like
the rest of frontier life,

123
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,107
it'll be exhausting and short.

124
00:05:40,144 --> 00:05:41,710
You're exhausting and short.

125
00:05:46,984 --> 00:05:51,720
Hey, Stuart, you're coming
to Halley's party, right?

126
00:05:51,722 --> 00:05:52,688
You bet.

127
00:05:52,690 --> 00:05:55,090
Plus, I live there
and I was invited,

128
00:05:55,092 --> 00:05:57,859
so it's already better
than my tenth birthday party.

129
00:05:57,861 --> 00:06:00,662
Great. Can you
bring a few things?

130
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:01,596
Sure. What do you need?

131
00:06:01,598 --> 00:06:02,964
Balloons, streamers,

132
00:06:02,966 --> 00:06:04,433
ice, snacks, a bounce house,
face painter,

133
00:06:04,435 --> 00:06:07,002
and a couple kids whose parents
are willing to lie and say

134
00:06:07,004 --> 00:06:09,971
they know me from the Daddy
and Me class I've never been to.

135
00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:12,374
Where do you and Halley
go every week?

136
00:06:12,376 --> 00:06:14,476
The important thing
is we're together,

137
00:06:14,478 --> 00:06:18,347
and if the movie gets
too violent, I cover her eyes.

138
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:21,383
Don't stress about this party.

139
00:06:21,385 --> 00:06:22,684
She's one; she's not
gonna remember.

140
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:25,620
The other day I showed her
her toe, and she was shocked.

141
00:06:27,791 --> 00:06:29,925
It's not for the baby;
it's for Bernadette.

142
00:06:29,927 --> 00:06:31,159
She's feeling guilty

143
00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:33,762
about all the stuff she's
missing with Halley.

144
00:06:33,764 --> 00:06:35,097
All right.

145
00:06:35,099 --> 00:06:37,032
Uncle Stuart's got your back.

146
00:06:37,034 --> 00:06:39,234
Ain't no party
like a Stuart party

147
00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:42,971
because Stuart's never
invited to parties.

148
00:06:47,277 --> 00:06:50,178
Did the electricity go out?

149
00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,414
I don't know what you mean
by "electricity," ma'am.

150
00:06:52,416 --> 00:06:56,885
I am just a farmer boy living in
a little house on the prairie.

151
00:07:01,325 --> 00:07:03,592
I'm glad you're happy.

152
00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:05,994
I wanted to do something special
for your birthday.

153
00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:10,198
Oh, you did, you did!
It's perfect!

154
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,867
You do know that my birthday's
tomorrow, right?

155
00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:15,337
This is just step one
of your birthday weekend.

156
00:07:15,339 --> 00:07:19,508
Now, would you care to join me
for an authentic frontier dinner

157
00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:21,309
made entirely from scratch?

158
00:07:21,311 --> 00:07:24,146
I can't believe you
did this. It's amazing!

159
00:07:24,148 --> 00:07:26,047
Oh, it's not a big deal.

160
00:07:26,049 --> 00:07:28,950
Just to be clear,
it was a big deal.

161
00:07:29,987 --> 00:07:32,554
I was being modest.
You got that, right?

162
00:07:32,556 --> 00:07:33,822
Loud and clear.

163
00:07:33,824 --> 00:07:35,023
Well, I hope
you're hungry.

164
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:36,224
Oh, I'm starving.

165
00:07:36,226 --> 00:07:39,428
Oh, good. Starvation is
authentic to the time period.

166
00:07:41,098 --> 00:07:42,831
If you also have malaria

167
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:44,666
and a deep distrust
of Native Americans,

168
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:46,334
we're really cooking
with a woodstove.

169
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:48,937
Is that butter?

170
00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:50,005
Yes.

171
00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:51,573
But don't blow it all
on one biscuit.

172
00:07:51,575 --> 00:07:53,141
Took me nine hours to make that.

173
00:07:54,311 --> 00:07:56,711
I think I got churner's elbow.

174
00:07:56,713 --> 00:07:59,481
I know we only have coitus
on my birthday,

175
00:07:59,483 --> 00:08:02,184
but I don't know if I can wait
until midnight.

176
00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:05,187
Oh, well, you'll be
glad you did.

177
00:08:05,189 --> 00:08:06,888
Everyone knows the best foreplay

178
00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:09,524
is rigid adherence
to a strict schedule.

179
00:08:13,497 --> 00:08:15,397
Hey. What are you doing?

180
00:08:15,399 --> 00:08:17,732
Oh, I've decided to write
my own Christmas letter.

181
00:08:17,734 --> 00:08:19,000
So I'm gonna make a list

182
00:08:19,002 --> 00:08:20,936
of all the cool things
we did this year.

183
00:08:20,938 --> 00:08:22,971
Oh, fun. Can I help?

184
00:08:22,973 --> 00:08:26,975
Yes. Can you think of a single
cool thing we did this year?

185
00:08:26,977 --> 00:08:30,545
Uh, well, both of our jobs
are going great.

186
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:34,115
Sure. I mean, my Air Force
project got taken away,

187
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:37,619
and you're not crazy about
selling pharmaceuticals.

188
00:08:37,621 --> 00:08:41,690
I'll just write down
"still employed."

189
00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:44,326
Oh, we had our
second anniversary.

190
00:08:44,328 --> 00:08:45,594
Uh, yeah,

191
00:08:45,596 --> 00:08:47,529
but we did kind of
forget about it,

192
00:08:47,531 --> 00:08:50,565
so maybe just write
"still married."

193
00:08:51,768 --> 00:08:54,903
Great. Okay.

194
00:08:54,905 --> 00:08:55,971
Okay, that's a start.

195
00:08:55,973 --> 00:08:58,874
What else?

196
00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:05,447
You know, maybe this is enough.

197
00:09:07,351 --> 00:09:10,252
Let's look at our pictures;
that-that'll jog our memories.

198
00:09:11,788 --> 00:09:13,421
What is that
a picture of?

199
00:09:13,423 --> 00:09:16,024
Oh, uh, that's
a mole on my back.

200
00:09:17,794 --> 00:09:20,195
I wanted to make sure
it wasn't growing.

201
00:09:20,197 --> 00:09:22,797
How'd you get a picture
of your own back?

202
00:09:22,799 --> 00:09:26,101
Sheldon took it.
We're kind of mole buddies.

203
00:09:27,804 --> 00:09:29,170
Hey, that's
a cute picture.

204
00:09:29,172 --> 00:09:31,306
Isn't that the day
we almost went to the beach?

205
00:09:31,308 --> 00:09:32,507
Memorial Day?

206
00:09:32,509 --> 00:09:34,709
No, that was the day we almost
went to the mountains.

207
00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:35,944
Oh.

208
00:09:35,946 --> 00:09:37,045
That's the great thing
about California;

209
00:09:37,047 --> 00:09:38,380
you can almost go
to the mountains

210
00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:40,448
and almost go to the
beach in the same day.

211
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:41,917
Yeah.

212
00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:50,592
Look, I'm sorry about
not inviting you

213
00:09:50,594 --> 00:09:52,727
to Halley's birthday.
That wasn't cool.

214
00:09:52,729 --> 00:09:55,096
And of course we would
love to have you. Here.

215
00:09:55,098 --> 00:09:57,632
Thank you.

216
00:09:57,634 --> 00:09:59,200
I'd really like to be there.

217
00:09:59,202 --> 00:10:02,837
Great, 'cause it's tomorrow,
and I need you to plan it.

218
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:05,874
What?

219
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,208
Stuart was gonna help,

220
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,844
but the free clinic had
an open spot for a colonoscopy,

221
00:10:09,846 --> 00:10:11,780
and he jumped on it.

222
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:16,217
So-so-so you're just apologizing
because you need something?

223
00:10:16,219 --> 00:10:20,121
Yes, and I think it's pretty
mature of me to admit it.

224
00:10:20,123 --> 00:10:22,357
Well, that's very insulting.

225
00:10:22,359 --> 00:10:25,160
Right again.
Are you gonna help me or not?

226
00:10:25,162 --> 00:10:27,228
No, I will not help you.

227
00:10:29,066 --> 00:10:32,000
But I will help Halley.

228
00:10:32,002 --> 00:10:34,669
She's my goddaughter,
and I love her.

229
00:10:34,671 --> 00:10:36,538
And I have a lot of party favors

230
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:40,475
left over from
Cinnamon's birthday, so...

231
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:43,645
I hope she likes things that
squeak when you chew on them.

232
00:10:43,647 --> 00:10:46,848
Sh-She's a human being,
not an animal.

233
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:49,784
But that actually
would be a hit.

234
00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:54,155
Can I get you
anything else?

235
00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:56,024
No, thanks.

236
00:10:56,026 --> 00:10:57,659
I think I'm good.

237
00:10:57,661 --> 00:11:00,228
You sure? There's
still plenty of pork fat.

238
00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:01,930
Although, if we don't eat it,

239
00:11:01,932 --> 00:11:04,799
I suppose we could
turn it into soap.

240
00:11:04,801 --> 00:11:07,302
That might taste better.

241
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,841
I think I'm just gonna go over
here and sit on the couch.

242
00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:13,975
Oh, great.

243
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:16,478
Then we will move on
to stage two:

244
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,847
the pitching of woo.

245
00:11:19,683 --> 00:11:21,549
Ooh.

246
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,722
Should I read you some bawdy
19th century limericks?

247
00:11:27,724 --> 00:11:29,858
Okay.

248
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:30,925
Oh, here.

249
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:33,361
"There once was a priest
from Terre Haute

250
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:37,198
who purchased a
sheep and a goat..."

251
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,267
Hold on a second.

252
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:41,069
Is it getting hot in here?

253
00:11:41,071 --> 00:11:44,072
Well, I didn't even get
to the dirty part yet.

254
00:11:44,074 --> 00:11:46,541
No, I-I'm serious.

255
00:11:46,543 --> 00:11:49,310
Do you think there was
something wrong with that food?

256
00:11:49,312 --> 00:11:53,114
Frontier scallops?
I shouldn't think so.

257
00:11:53,116 --> 00:11:55,884
My stomach's feeling
a little weird.

258
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:58,219
Yeah. Uh, mine, too.

259
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:02,123
I'm sure it's just the first
sharp cramps of arousal.

260
00:12:09,099 --> 00:12:11,566
No. Th-This doesn't feel right.

261
00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:14,769
Hey, hey, save that sexy talk
for the bedroom.

262
00:12:16,006 --> 00:12:18,373
You know, if you'll excuse me,

263
00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:21,976
I am just going
to go freshen up.

264
00:12:26,483 --> 00:12:27,916
Sheldon?

265
00:12:27,918 --> 00:12:29,117
I'll be out in a minute.

266
00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,286
I don't have a minute!

267
00:12:36,661 --> 00:12:39,996
I can't believe you pulled
this all together overnight.

268
00:12:39,998 --> 00:12:43,065
Uh, if I had more time, I could
have gotten the Blue Man Group.

269
00:12:43,835 --> 00:12:45,768
One of them goes
to my dry cleaner.

270
00:12:45,770 --> 00:12:47,570
Who, by the way, hates him.

271
00:12:47,572 --> 00:12:50,740
You really saved the day.

272
00:12:50,742 --> 00:12:52,642
Well, it's not for you.
It's for Halley.

273
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:54,176
And I'm sure

274
00:12:54,178 --> 00:12:58,314
she'd appreciate it, if she knew
what's going on or who you are.

275
00:13:05,857 --> 00:13:07,390
Morning.

276
00:13:07,392 --> 00:13:09,125
Happy birthday.

277
00:13:09,127 --> 00:13:11,627
Yeah, sure.

278
00:13:13,431 --> 00:13:15,765
Did you sleep at all?

279
00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:18,901
No. You?

280
00:13:18,903 --> 00:13:21,671
I passed out on the toilet once.

281
00:13:21,673 --> 00:13:24,573
I don't know if that counts.

282
00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,275
Feel any better?

283
00:13:26,277 --> 00:13:28,477
I feel terrible.

284
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:32,682
Well...

285
00:13:32,684 --> 00:13:35,751
should we make love now?

286
00:13:35,753 --> 00:13:39,221
How can you even think
about sex?

287
00:13:39,223 --> 00:13:42,725
Hey, I'm a man; I have
annual needs just like anyone.

288
00:13:42,727 --> 00:13:45,027
And besides,

289
00:13:45,029 --> 00:13:47,396
it's our birthday tradition.

290
00:13:49,267 --> 00:13:51,167
You think you can do it

291
00:13:51,169 --> 00:13:54,370
while I lie perfectly still
and you don't touch me?

292
00:13:56,174 --> 00:13:58,374
I can try.

293
00:14:04,248 --> 00:14:06,649
Want to do it again?

294
00:14:08,853 --> 00:14:10,319
Morning.

295
00:14:10,321 --> 00:14:12,488
Morning.

296
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:15,057
"Kept Fern alive"?
Who's Fern?

297
00:14:16,928 --> 00:14:19,829
No, the fern.
The one in the bathroom.

298
00:14:19,831 --> 00:14:23,466
We're really calling
that brown thing alive? Okay.

299
00:14:23,468 --> 00:14:26,635
So, how long have you
been working on this?

300
00:14:26,637 --> 00:14:28,237
Oh, couple hours.

301
00:14:28,239 --> 00:14:31,807
I took a break to try to beat
my high score on Mario Kart.

302
00:14:31,809 --> 00:14:33,275
Well, did you do it?

303
00:14:33,277 --> 00:14:35,878
Do you see it on the board?

304
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,380
Okay, this is silly.

305
00:14:37,382 --> 00:14:39,081
Our lives are great.

306
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:40,316
I think so, too.

307
00:14:40,318 --> 00:14:42,418
So then why is this
bugging you so much?

308
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:45,988
I guess it feels like
everyone's moving forward

309
00:14:45,990 --> 00:14:47,356
and we're stuck.

310
00:14:47,358 --> 00:14:48,824
What do you mean?

311
00:14:48,826 --> 00:14:50,960
Well, we've been
married two years.

312
00:14:50,962 --> 00:14:52,561
Should we think
about what's next?

313
00:14:52,563 --> 00:14:55,331
Like buying a house
or having a baby?

314
00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:57,033
Look, I want to do
all those things someday,

315
00:14:57,035 --> 00:14:59,201
but there's a bunch of stuff
I want to do first.

316
00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:00,336
Okay, like what?

317
00:15:00,338 --> 00:15:03,939
I don't know,
stay thin and have money.

318
00:15:03,941 --> 00:15:06,042
No, no, I-I'm serious.

319
00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:08,644
If there's things we want to do,
let's start doing them.

320
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:12,048
Okay. Well, we've never been
on a big trip together.

321
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:13,783
I would love that.

322
00:15:13,785 --> 00:15:14,984
Okay, there's something
for your letter:

323
00:15:14,986 --> 00:15:17,753
"Considered going on a trip."

324
00:15:18,623 --> 00:15:20,322
It's just a day trip,

325
00:15:20,324 --> 00:15:23,159
but we could take the
ferry out to Catalina.

326
00:15:23,161 --> 00:15:24,827
Great, let's do it.

327
00:15:24,829 --> 00:15:27,730
Amy's in the bathroom
and I need to...!

328
00:15:33,404 --> 00:15:35,938
It's like I can hear
the ocean already.

329
00:15:38,509 --> 00:15:41,477
Okay. Thanks for
letting me know.

330
00:15:41,479 --> 00:15:43,112
Hey, what's going on?

331
00:15:43,114 --> 00:15:45,948
Bernadette's sister's kids
are sick and they're not coming.

332
00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:49,819
But they're the whole reason
the cupcakes are vegan!

333
00:15:50,855 --> 00:15:53,255
How's the party coming?
Good!

334
00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:56,025
Great! Our friends
should be here any second!

335
00:15:56,027 --> 00:15:59,195
Those are the only
other people you invited?

336
00:15:59,197 --> 00:16:01,831
What about the kids
from the Daddy and Me class?

337
00:16:01,833 --> 00:16:03,132
Oh, grow up.

338
00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:07,903
Uh-oh.

339
00:16:07,905 --> 00:16:09,205
What?

340
00:16:09,207 --> 00:16:11,307
I left the food out.

341
00:16:11,309 --> 00:16:14,143
You afraid it's gonna go good?

342
00:16:17,348 --> 00:16:19,615
How are you feeling?

343
00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:23,652
Ugh. My stomach aches,
I got the chills,

344
00:16:23,654 --> 00:16:25,988
my mouth tastes weird,

345
00:16:25,990 --> 00:16:27,456
it hurts to swallow,

346
00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:29,625
and I've got
a little double vision.

347
00:16:29,627 --> 00:16:31,260
Yeah.

348
00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:32,995
I'm feeling better, too.

349
00:16:40,938 --> 00:16:43,272
Well, this party's
a disaster.

350
00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:44,306
Don't blame the party!

351
00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:46,575
You know how many favors
I had to call in

352
00:16:46,577 --> 00:16:49,678
with my bounce house guy
to get Wonder Woman?

353
00:16:50,281 --> 00:16:52,982
Is that
Wonder Woman?

354
00:16:54,318 --> 00:16:56,085
Technically,
it's a Chinese knockoff called

355
00:16:56,087 --> 00:16:59,054
Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady.

356
00:16:59,056 --> 00:17:01,757
Then I take it back;
it's a great party.

357
00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:04,293
Well, you can sit here
and sulk if you want.

358
00:17:04,295 --> 00:17:06,295
I'm gonna go celebrate
Halley's first birthday.

359
00:17:06,297 --> 00:17:09,131
Which I planned
with no help from you.

360
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:10,633
What are you doing?

361
00:17:10,635 --> 00:17:13,502
It's a bounce house!
I'm gonna go bounce in it!

362
00:17:14,605 --> 00:17:16,338
You're supposed
to take your shoes off

363
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:17,873
before you go in there!

364
00:17:20,311 --> 00:17:21,844
You know what?

365
00:17:21,846 --> 00:17:24,980
I'm stressed about
my daughter's birthday party.

366
00:17:24,982 --> 00:17:27,183
I don't need your attitude.

367
00:17:27,185 --> 00:17:28,751
Well, I worked
really hard on this,

368
00:17:28,753 --> 00:17:30,819
and you haven't even
said thank you.

369
00:17:30,821 --> 00:17:31,954
Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you.

370
00:17:31,956 --> 00:17:33,155
Thank you for blaming me

371
00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:34,657
for everything
that's wrong in your life!

372
00:17:34,659 --> 00:17:37,426
Thank you for walking out
on our friendship!

373
00:17:37,428 --> 00:17:38,761
You are welcome!

374
00:17:38,763 --> 00:17:41,797
And thank you for mocking me
for all of these years!

375
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:45,034
Thank you for making it so easy!

376
00:17:45,036 --> 00:17:47,570
Why are you being such a jerk?

377
00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:51,740
Because you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

378
00:17:51,742 --> 00:17:54,543
Well, you're my best friend
and you hurt my feelings!

379
00:17:56,681 --> 00:17:58,847
I can't believe you shoved me!

380
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:03,052
Well, I can't believe
you shoved me!

381
00:18:03,054 --> 00:18:04,853
But it was kind of fun,
wasn't it?!

382
00:18:04,855 --> 00:18:07,223
It was! Do it again!
Gladly!

383
00:18:08,759 --> 00:18:11,093
Okay, now at the same time!

384
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,129
Oh, oh, that was awesome!

385
00:18:14,131 --> 00:18:17,333
Yeah, okay, this time,
knees, then feet.

386
00:18:17,335 --> 00:18:19,602
One, two, three.

387
00:18:20,371 --> 00:18:23,272
Again! Again!

388
00:18:25,775 --> 00:18:26,808
Hello.

389
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,158
- Hi.
- You made it.

390
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,826
How you two feeling?

391
00:18:29,828 --> 00:18:30,760
Oh, a little better.

392
00:18:30,762 --> 00:18:32,028
Those books should
have been called

393
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:34,064
Little Outhouse
on the Prairie.

394
00:18:35,601 --> 00:18:37,167
Halley's awake
and ready for her party!

395
00:18:37,169 --> 00:18:38,168
Be right up!

396
00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:39,870
Ooh, I want to see
the birthday girl.

397
00:18:39,872 --> 00:18:41,104
I'd love to see her.

398
00:18:41,106 --> 00:18:43,707
If you also want
to change the birthday girl,

399
00:18:43,709 --> 00:18:45,842
you're in luck!

400
00:18:46,912 --> 00:18:49,646
You know...

401
00:18:49,648 --> 00:18:51,481
it's still your birthday.

402
00:18:51,483 --> 00:18:52,716
It is.

403
00:18:52,718 --> 00:18:54,150
And...

404
00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:57,554
we are both...
feeling better.

405
00:18:58,557 --> 00:19:00,891
We are.

406
00:19:00,893 --> 00:19:02,826
And there's no one
in that bounce house.

407
00:19:02,828 --> 00:19:04,427
No.

408
00:19:04,429 --> 00:19:07,364
Great.

409
00:19:07,366 --> 00:19:08,565
Let's go jump for a bit,

410
00:19:08,567 --> 00:19:10,867
and then find a bedroom
to have coitus in.

411
00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:20,833
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man