1 00:00:13,201 --> 00:00:14,702 I feel like we're really close to the airport. 2 00:00:14,726 --> 00:00:16,269 We are close to the airport, right? 3 00:00:16,352 --> 00:00:17,478 I can smell the jet fuel. 4 00:00:17,562 --> 00:00:20,189 Guys, you're focused on the wrong things. Look, check out the quilt. 5 00:00:20,273 --> 00:00:23,359 Is this what you've been talking about the whole time, this-this giant blanket? 6 00:00:23,443 --> 00:00:26,279 It's-It's not a blanket. It's the Quilt of Legends. 7 00:00:26,362 --> 00:00:29,532 Each square represents the most sensational moment 8 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:30,742 from that year's Ren Faire. 9 00:00:30,825 --> 00:00:32,326 - Whoa. That's kind of cool. - Hmm. 10 00:00:32,410 --> 00:00:34,537 So, hang on, is there a way that we can get up on this quilt? 11 00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,705 Yeah, there's blank spaces. 12 00:00:35,788 --> 00:00:39,250 That's what I've been talking about the whole ride up here, guys. 13 00:00:39,334 --> 00:00:41,210 - Oh! That's badass, dude. - I belong up there, you know? 14 00:00:41,294 --> 00:00:42,712 - I blocked him out. - What's with the dude 15 00:00:42,795 --> 00:00:44,672 with the avocado guitar? What's that guy? 16 00:00:44,756 --> 00:00:47,216 Uh... No, he's a bard, and that's a lute. 17 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:49,844 He's hard, and you're telling me that's a flute? 18 00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:50,970 No, a-a lute. 19 00:00:51,054 --> 00:00:52,972 Yeah, I'm not seeing a lot of women up there. 20 00:00:53,056 --> 00:00:56,309 Oh, that's because women don't drive story, Dee. Never have. 21 00:00:56,392 --> 00:00:57,769 - Yeah. - What are you talking about? 22 00:00:57,852 --> 00:01:00,271 Women are at the center of tons of stories. 23 00:01:00,354 --> 00:01:01,522 Name one. 24 00:01:01,606 --> 00:01:03,149 - Yeah. - Rapunzel. 25 00:01:03,232 --> 00:01:04,776 Pretty passive, Dee. 26 00:01:04,859 --> 00:01:07,904 I mean, it's just a woman waiting in a tower for men to climb her hair. 27 00:01:07,987 --> 00:01:09,947 - I think the hair's driving that story. - Right. 28 00:01:10,031 --> 00:01:11,449 - You know? - That's the story 29 00:01:11,532 --> 00:01:13,576 of a prince with incredible core strength. 30 00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:15,703 - It is his story. - Yeah. The hair is the vehicle to... 31 00:01:15,787 --> 00:01:18,206 What's with the one with the bare-ass guy and the rodent? 32 00:01:18,289 --> 00:01:19,791 Oh. That's old. Forget about that. 33 00:01:19,874 --> 00:01:21,334 Forget about that one? That's, like, the greatest one. 34 00:01:21,417 --> 00:01:23,127 - What's going on with that? - It's right in the middle. 35 00:01:23,211 --> 00:01:25,963 - What is that? - It was a time in the '80s 36 00:01:26,047 --> 00:01:29,467 where homophobia was rampant, and there was all these crazy stories 37 00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:31,969 about people putting gerbils up their asses... 38 00:01:32,053 --> 00:01:33,346 - Oh, right. - ...and, like, it's all bullshit. 39 00:01:33,429 --> 00:01:34,430 None of it actually happened. 40 00:01:34,514 --> 00:01:37,809 I do like the fact that there's a sexual path to quilt glory. 41 00:01:37,892 --> 00:01:39,185 I might explore that. 42 00:01:39,268 --> 00:01:42,063 - Okay. - There's a real nerd kink to these things. 43 00:01:42,146 --> 00:01:43,147 - Really? - I mean, there's a whole 44 00:01:43,231 --> 00:01:45,066 underground sex thing here. Yeah, nerd sex. 45 00:01:45,149 --> 00:01:46,859 - They're all banging each other? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. 46 00:01:46,943 --> 00:01:49,904 - No, don't make this about sex, okay? - This is their time to shine. 47 00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:54,909 This is about chivalry and bravery and being transported in time. 48 00:01:54,992 --> 00:01:57,954 It's about immersing yourself fully in the world. 49 00:01:58,037 --> 00:01:59,705 Hold for dragon! 50 00:01:59,789 --> 00:02:00,957 There's a dragon? What was that? 51 00:02:06,254 --> 00:02:07,547 What the shit? 52 00:02:07,630 --> 00:02:12,009 Yeah, yeah, we're kind of close to the airport. 53 00:02:12,108 --> 00:02:14,236 - Yeah. - Dude, that thing almost landed on us. 54 00:02:14,403 --> 00:02:17,555 _ 55 00:02:17,579 --> 00:02:23,579 credits 56 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,377 What do you guys wanna do first? 57 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:45,341 Throw axes, or joust, or LARP, which stands for Live Action Roleplay, 58 00:02:45,424 --> 00:02:48,094 which is basically just bashing nerds with foam swords. 59 00:02:48,177 --> 00:02:49,345 Guys, check this out. 60 00:02:49,428 --> 00:02:52,181 {\an8}I just went, and I got our parking ticket validated. 61 00:02:52,265 --> 00:02:55,017 {\an8}- So, how's that for driving story? - Nice. 62 00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:57,103 - Boring story. - No, not boring. 63 00:02:57,186 --> 00:03:00,898 No, that... It's-It's active. I took initiative and I got it done. So... 64 00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:02,817 - The guy stamping did it. - Yeah, you were just there. 65 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:04,652 No, you're not getting it. Okay, I... 66 00:03:06,112 --> 00:03:07,530 - I lost it. I think it fell out. - Yeah. 67 00:03:07,613 --> 00:03:08,906 It's fine. You know what, give me a second. 68 00:03:08,990 --> 00:03:10,741 - I'm gonna go look for it. I'll find it. - Go get the ticket. 69 00:03:10,825 --> 00:03:13,119 Riveting story, Dee. I'm sure they will speak of this for eons. 70 00:03:13,202 --> 00:03:14,370 Yeah. Good story. 71 00:03:14,453 --> 00:03:16,831 Hey, you know what, guys, I think I'm gonna go dig up one of those lutes 72 00:03:16,914 --> 00:03:18,374 - and be hard, you know? - What? 73 00:03:18,457 --> 00:03:20,543 I kind of want to get one of those avocado guitars, all right? 74 00:03:20,626 --> 00:03:22,086 - I wanna shred. - You're leaving us? 75 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:23,754 Yeah, I'm just gonna poke around. 76 00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:27,008 Uh, yeah, speaking of getting hard, that maiden just winked at me. 77 00:03:27,091 --> 00:03:28,175 Where? 78 00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:30,052 The one right there with the incredible bosom. 79 00:03:30,803 --> 00:03:31,887 I must pursue this. 80 00:03:31,971 --> 00:03:34,181 - Wha-- You're leaving us too? - You pursue it. 81 00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,392 This they will speak of, I can assure you. 82 00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:38,894 Into the canals of pleasure. 83 00:03:41,063 --> 00:03:42,314 Ho there. 84 00:03:42,982 --> 00:03:45,484 - What's up? - Not so fast, my lord. 85 00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:50,281 For if you wish to seek the tender delights of the flesh, 86 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,576 thou-est must deal with me, 87 00:03:53,659 --> 00:03:55,870 for I am Kevin. 88 00:03:56,579 --> 00:03:58,456 - Kevin, huh? Okay. Uh... - Yeah. 89 00:03:58,998 --> 00:04:01,375 - Oh, is that your... - My maiden? 90 00:04:01,459 --> 00:04:03,461 - Yeah, is she? - Indeed she is. 91 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,630 - Oh, shit, okay. - But if thou-est desires a taste, 92 00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,133 then thou may take-est a sip. 93 00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:10,634 - Really? - Yes. 94 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:13,012 - Oh, shit, that's... that's kinky, man. - Yes. 95 00:04:13,095 --> 00:04:15,639 Hey, so what's the catch, though, buddy? 96 00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,768 Like, are you gonna wanna watch or are you gonna try to slide in there? 97 00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:22,897 What I ask of you is a riddle to prove thy worth. 98 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:26,275 Yeah, uh, sure. Yeah, man, a riddle. Fire away. What you got? 99 00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:30,446 I move in silence, sometimes ahead, sometimes behind, 100 00:04:30,529 --> 00:04:34,950 but lose me in the light, and I am hard to find. 101 00:04:35,034 --> 00:04:36,744 - What am I? - Are you a shadow? 102 00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,829 - Indeed, I am. - Yes! 103 00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:40,122 You have proved your worth. 104 00:04:40,206 --> 00:04:42,875 Oh. Okay, yeah. Do I have to do anything else, or is that it? 105 00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:44,126 That's it. 106 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:46,045 Oh. That's awesome, man. All right, Kevin. 107 00:04:46,128 --> 00:04:49,382 Great. Yeah, you nerds are all right, man. 108 00:04:49,465 --> 00:04:51,258 - Have fun, dude. - Oh, I'm gonna. 109 00:04:53,344 --> 00:04:56,722 That's a hell of a spread they got. They got three different kinds of onions. 110 00:04:56,806 --> 00:04:58,140 Who gives a shit, Frank? 111 00:04:58,224 --> 00:05:01,268 We're here for legacy and glory, and to get on that quilt. 112 00:05:01,352 --> 00:05:03,604 You think they'll allow us to double up on the toppings? 113 00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:05,898 What? I don't know. 114 00:05:06,524 --> 00:05:07,942 Frank Reynolds? 115 00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:11,654 - Yo. - The king is ready to receive you. 116 00:05:11,737 --> 00:05:13,823 What's this guy's deal, Frank? You want me to knock this nerd out? 117 00:05:13,906 --> 00:05:17,535 No, no, no, this is for me. I reached out to the owner of the faire. 118 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,578 I'm gonna buy this place. 119 00:05:19,662 --> 00:05:21,288 You're going to run a Renaissance Faire? 120 00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:23,791 No, I'm gonna bulldoze this dump. 121 00:05:23,874 --> 00:05:27,002 I'm going to put up a data center. All right, well, look, look. 122 00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:29,505 You wait here and load me up with an omelette 123 00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:31,590 as much shit as they'll let you put in it. 124 00:05:31,674 --> 00:05:34,343 I-I don't want to wait in line all day for eggs, man. 125 00:05:34,427 --> 00:05:36,971 - I want to get on that quilt. - Look, look, look. I'll tell you what, 126 00:05:37,054 --> 00:05:41,267 you get me a loaded omelette, and I will put you on that quilt. 127 00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:46,272 And I will display it right in the lobby of the data center. 128 00:05:47,565 --> 00:05:50,025 - Really? - Yeah, sure. 129 00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:52,403 - Okay, I trust you. - Why? 130 00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,238 - Huh? What did you say? - Nothing. 131 00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,073 - Just get me the omelette, okay? - Okay. 132 00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:58,451 - I'm gonna go with the guy. All right. - Yeah. All right. Okay. 133 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,132 What's with those nachos? Can I get in on that? 134 00:06:06,215 --> 00:06:08,176 Those are the royal nachos. 135 00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:09,802 So that's a no? 136 00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:13,806 The king approaches! 137 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,768 Oh! Oh! 138 00:06:17,351 --> 00:06:19,395 You gotta blow that right in my face? 139 00:06:21,105 --> 00:06:26,068 So... [chuckles] ...Frank Reynolds, you repugnant little man, you remember me? 140 00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:29,447 No, I don't think so. 141 00:06:30,364 --> 00:06:31,491 How about now? 142 00:06:32,909 --> 00:06:33,910 Or now? 143 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:36,329 You guys from under the bridge? 144 00:06:36,412 --> 00:06:38,998 We're the McPoyles, you son of a bitch, 145 00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:41,334 and there's no way in hell you're getting our land. 146 00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:43,503 We rose from this land, 147 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:47,006 and when the sky falls, we shall sink back into it. 148 00:06:47,757 --> 00:06:49,884 Like clams in their mating season. 149 00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:53,095 This land has nourished the McPoyles for over a hundred... 150 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:55,097 - Hold for dragon! - 151 00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:56,182 What the... 152 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,434 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 153 00:07:02,146 --> 00:07:04,023 - ...years! - Years. 154 00:07:04,106 --> 00:07:07,360 It was foolish of Ryan to consider your proposal. 155 00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:09,153 I simply thought we should hear him out. 156 00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:10,446 Quiet the boy! 157 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,949 Quiet, fool! 158 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,700 See, Father and Ryan aren't speaking 159 00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:16,994 on account of his past foolish investments. 160 00:07:17,078 --> 00:07:19,580 You have the video store, you have the bowling alley, 161 00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:20,665 and now the data. 162 00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:24,335 I've brought shame to our family's portfolio. 163 00:07:24,418 --> 00:07:26,003 Now I'm the number one boy. 164 00:07:26,087 --> 00:07:29,423 - Philip, do it. - The royal meeting is over. 165 00:07:29,507 --> 00:07:30,508 Don't blow that horn. 166 00:07:32,134 --> 00:07:33,844 So that's it? You're not gonna sell? 167 00:07:33,928 --> 00:07:37,932 Okay, well, you got no honor. I'm telling you. You hear me? 168 00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:40,101 You have no honor. 169 00:07:40,184 --> 00:07:41,561 - Honor? - Honor. 170 00:07:41,644 --> 00:07:43,187 - You question my honor? - Yes, I question it. 171 00:07:45,106 --> 00:07:47,984 Not you, not you. You, golden boy. 172 00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,988 Oh. 173 00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:55,866 Okay, Franken Berry... ...Father will consider your offer 174 00:07:55,950 --> 00:07:59,161 if you can best him at a royal challenge. 175 00:08:00,454 --> 00:08:04,500 Will you stop blowing the horn? I'm going to stick that right up your ass. 176 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:08,379 He who blink-eth lose-eth. 177 00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:11,424 - A staring contest. - You blink, you lose! 178 00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:13,259 Weird, but okay. 179 00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:16,637 Curses upon you, you repulsive turd. 180 00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:23,019 May your eyes be dry as a bagel and crunchy as the desert sand. 181 00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:26,397 Hey, man, any way I could skip ahead of you? 182 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,691 No, you already cut the line, like, three times. 183 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:31,027 I know, I just... I got places to be, so... 184 00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:33,195 - We all have places to be. - Yeah, yeah. 185 00:08:34,572 --> 00:08:38,242 If I had a stick, I'd just be like, "Bash, bam, bash." 186 00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:41,245 And I'd be like, "Block, force field, backlash spell." 187 00:08:41,329 --> 00:08:44,624 - And then you'd be damaging yourself. - No, I wouldn't be. I'd be damaging you, 188 00:08:44,707 --> 00:08:47,251 because there are no force fields in medieval times, nerd. 189 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,962 - Renaissance. - Renaissance? 190 00:08:50,046 --> 00:08:52,548 We're in the Renaissance time. This is a Renaissance-- 191 00:08:52,632 --> 00:08:56,886 - You're an elf. What time are you from? - We walkers of time have no time. 192 00:08:57,553 --> 00:08:59,221 - We exist everywhere. - Bash! 193 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,765 - Block! Force field! - Crash! 194 00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:03,476 - Bash! - Block! Force field. Backlash spell. 195 00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:06,979 - Goddamn nerds, I can't take it. - Yo! 196 00:09:07,063 --> 00:09:08,147 Check it out. 197 00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:10,399 ? I'm a medieval dude in medieval times ? 198 00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:15,196 ? I got a lute and I got mad rhymes I'm hot as hell in medieval times ? 199 00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:17,657 ? On an avocado guitar, yeah! ? 200 00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,200 That's pretty good, yeah. 201 00:09:19,283 --> 00:09:21,535 This thing's sick, dude. What's going on with you? 202 00:09:21,619 --> 00:09:25,164 Frank's got me on this BS omelette quest or some shit. 203 00:09:25,247 --> 00:09:28,501 Dude, oh, dude, you remember that chick we saw earlier that I followed? 204 00:09:28,584 --> 00:09:30,503 She was so hot, man, and I banged her and... 205 00:09:30,586 --> 00:09:33,631 Oh, shit, you got the... you got the... lute. Is that what it is? 206 00:09:33,714 --> 00:09:34,924 - Yeah. You know what? - Yeah. 207 00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:36,634 You should sing a song about the chick that I just banged. 208 00:09:36,717 --> 00:09:38,427 - Dude, she was so... - Yeah, but I didn't see it happen, man, 209 00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:39,595 so it's kind of weird. It's like-- 210 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:40,930 I could describe it to you in great detail. 211 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:42,014 But then you'd just be like... 212 00:09:42,098 --> 00:09:45,226 ? I'm a guy who likes to make up stories ? 213 00:09:45,309 --> 00:09:46,310 No, I didn't make it up. 214 00:09:46,394 --> 00:09:50,648 ? I'm singing of my glories ? 215 00:09:50,731 --> 00:09:51,816 Well, you're singing of my glories. 216 00:09:51,899 --> 00:09:54,902 ? This is a lute, not a lyre This is a lute, not a lyre ? 217 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:56,404 ? I'm making up bullshit ? 218 00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:58,614 You should be really careful with that kind of stuff 219 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:01,909 because then lies become gossip, gossip become rumors. 220 00:10:01,993 --> 00:10:03,160 - Yeah. - Next thing you know, 221 00:10:03,244 --> 00:10:04,745 you're that guy with the gerbil up his ass. 222 00:10:04,829 --> 00:10:06,038 The story follows you around forever. 223 00:10:06,122 --> 00:10:08,249 - Okay. No, I don't want that. - You guys. 224 00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:11,752 You guys are not gonna believe what just happened. 225 00:10:11,836 --> 00:10:13,421 - What? - Okay, what? 226 00:10:13,504 --> 00:10:15,631 So I went out to look for that missing parking ticket, right? 227 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:19,135 And when I was bending over to pick it up, I got blasted by a horse. 228 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,261 - Okay. - Okay. 229 00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:24,265 - Oh, is that it? - Crazy though, right? Isn't that crazy? 230 00:10:24,348 --> 00:10:26,767 And the thing is that story's nuts and I drove that story. 231 00:10:26,851 --> 00:10:29,603 - Uh, no, you didn't drive that story. - Lotta horse driving, yeah. 232 00:10:29,687 --> 00:10:32,440 Dee, you getting kicked by a horse is not you driving story. 233 00:10:32,523 --> 00:10:34,650 If anything, the thing driving the story is the horse. 234 00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:37,820 - In that story, the horse is the hero. - Yeah, the horse is the hero, right? 235 00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,530 Yeah, and there's kind of no way to sing about that. 236 00:10:39,613 --> 00:10:42,366 - There's no way into that song. - It's a song about a horse, right? 237 00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:45,286 Who was just trying to live its life and then got understandably annoyed 238 00:10:45,369 --> 00:10:48,748 by an irritating and insignificant woman, and had to kick her out of the way. 239 00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:52,084 ? I'm annoyed at Dee She's in my way ? 240 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:54,462 - Maybe it is a good song. - ? I'll kick her in her head... ? 241 00:10:54,545 --> 00:10:56,589 - It's not Mister Ed, I mean... - Yeah, he's not Mister Ed. 242 00:10:56,672 --> 00:11:00,301 - Yeah, it's not a good story. - Shut up, nerd. Focus on the line. 243 00:11:01,385 --> 00:11:02,386 - Yeah, yeah. - Uh... You know what? 244 00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:04,472 Let's go find that chick, dude, because I really want you to see her... 245 00:11:04,555 --> 00:11:05,973 - Yeah, I wanna sing... - ...and she'll speak of it. 246 00:11:06,057 --> 00:11:07,683 Hold for dragon! 247 00:11:13,397 --> 00:11:16,817 Oh. Immunity spell. Immunity spell. 248 00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:20,696 - ? Show me the tent where you made love ? - Yes. It was... It's this one right here. 249 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,782 - All right, man, chill out. - ? Show me the... ? 250 00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:24,825 - This is-- - Oh. Jesus, dude. What's that smell? 251 00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:26,619 - It does smell bad. Yeah. What is that? - Is that... 252 00:11:26,702 --> 00:11:28,788 - I don't know, it's like-- - Did you have sex in that stench, dude? 253 00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,748 Uh... Yeah, that is coming from the tent. 254 00:11:30,831 --> 00:11:32,500 But no, it wasn't like that when I was in there. 255 00:11:32,583 --> 00:11:34,835 I mean, it did smell a little bit like that, but it was... It's gotten worse... 256 00:11:34,919 --> 00:11:36,879 - Oh, dude. Yeah, it reeks, man. - ...you know what I mean? 257 00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,339 It's getting hotter outside, so things are 258 00:11:38,422 --> 00:11:39,507 - cooking up in there. - That's nasty. 259 00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:42,009 Halt. You, sir. 260 00:11:42,718 --> 00:11:45,638 I am quite cross with you. 261 00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:49,308 This is her husband Kevin, but it's okay. They have like a kinky thing going on. 262 00:11:49,391 --> 00:11:51,602 It's-It's all good. What's up, Kevin? I thought we were all good. 263 00:11:51,685 --> 00:11:53,979 - Oh, we were all good... - Uh-huh. 264 00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:58,067 ...until you slinked off like a thief in the night without payment. 265 00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,569 Payment? No, no, no, I thought... Hang on a second, 266 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,947 I thought you said that the riddle was all I had to do to bang your wife. 267 00:12:03,030 --> 00:12:04,073 My wife? 268 00:12:04,573 --> 00:12:09,245 Nay, sir, my employee. My trick, if you will. 269 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:12,373 The riddle only provided you access to the tent. 270 00:12:12,456 --> 00:12:16,961 The deed itself requires a payment of 100 quid, 271 00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:19,713 and because you went off-menu, 272 00:12:19,797 --> 00:12:22,758 it requires a payment of 150 quid. 273 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:24,802 You got to make it your own, you know what I mean? 274 00:12:24,885 --> 00:12:27,721 - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know what you mean, sir. 275 00:12:28,222 --> 00:12:30,558 She is my most experienced wench, 276 00:12:30,641 --> 00:12:35,229 and I have found her confused, sad, and despondent. 277 00:12:36,272 --> 00:12:39,191 Okay, well, I'll just pay you, and we'll move on. 278 00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:41,569 What... Do you take, like, Apple Pay or Venmo or... 279 00:12:41,652 --> 00:12:42,987 I take Zelle. 280 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:44,446 Just, my Venmo's all fucked up right now. 281 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:45,781 - Yeah, fine. Well, Zelle then. - Okay. 282 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,741 - You want me to sing about this? - Let's Zelle. 283 00:12:47,825 --> 00:12:49,076 Yeah, I want you to sing a song about it. 284 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,705 ? He's a middle-aged man Who disturbed a prostitute ? 285 00:12:52,788 --> 00:12:55,583 What? D-Don't-Don't sing... No, don't sing about that part of it. 286 00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:57,626 - Sing-Sing about how I-- - Well, that's what happened. 287 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,253 No, but she was like hot and-and-- 288 00:12:59,336 --> 00:13:01,213 You went off-menu, dude, and you creeped the lady out. 289 00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:03,966 All right, you know what? Ah, goddamn it. 290 00:13:04,675 --> 00:13:08,179 Here's what I'll do. I'm-I'm gonna find another maiden, okay? 291 00:13:08,262 --> 00:13:11,765 Even more desirable. Someone who has nothing to do with Kevin, okay? 292 00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:14,643 And mark my words, I'm gonna bang her, and you are gonna watch, 293 00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,020 and you will sing of it, 294 00:13:16,103 --> 00:13:19,064 and they are going to quilt the shit out of it. 295 00:13:19,148 --> 00:13:21,609 Uh, Kevin, do you mind if we use the tent a little bit later? 296 00:13:21,692 --> 00:13:23,027 Yeah, for 15 quid. 297 00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,737 - Still don't know what a quid is, but... - Again, dude, just... 298 00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,030 It's like $20. 299 00:13:26,113 --> 00:13:28,407 - It's, like, basically the same. - Then just say $20, dude, like... 300 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:32,661 Oh, yeah, yeah, let's not pretend like I'm doing something special here. 301 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,705 This is my art, okay? 302 00:13:47,207 --> 00:13:49,293 A lot of elfin magic starts with the hands. 303 00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:50,878 A lot like a hula dance, uh, 304 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:53,005 if you've ever been to Hawaii and learned any of that. 305 00:13:53,088 --> 00:13:55,591 - Yeah, I think you're up next. - Nope. 306 00:14:03,057 --> 00:14:06,518 This omelette is gonna make my powers even more powerful, 307 00:14:06,602 --> 00:14:09,355 because what is an egg? A child of a chicken. 308 00:14:22,618 --> 00:14:25,496 Frank, Frank, I got your stupid omelette. Oh. 309 00:14:25,579 --> 00:14:27,581 - He blinked. You blinked. - No, I did not blink! 310 00:14:27,665 --> 00:14:30,167 - I win. I won. You blinked. - No, I did not. Victory! 311 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,002 - You blinked. You blinked. - Silence! Silence! 312 00:14:32,086 --> 00:14:33,712 There's only one way to take care of this! 313 00:14:34,672 --> 00:14:38,133 You must face me in a joust, horse and man. 314 00:14:40,678 --> 00:14:44,431 Jesus, stop with the horn. Get bent. I don't get on a horse, pal. 315 00:14:44,515 --> 00:14:46,475 Wait, Frank, let me do it, man. 316 00:14:46,558 --> 00:14:49,353 This is what I've been trying to do all day. Let me bash these nerds. 317 00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:50,437 This is my destiny. 318 00:14:50,521 --> 00:14:53,732 All right, Mac is gonna ride for me, 319 00:14:53,816 --> 00:14:58,779 but if he wins, you have to sell me the land. 320 00:14:58,862 --> 00:15:00,823 By the cabbage in my colon, 321 00:15:01,323 --> 00:15:03,033 so it shall be, but... 322 00:15:03,117 --> 00:15:05,035 - Golden boy. - Oh, yeah. 323 00:15:07,579 --> 00:15:09,540 - Go... - Okay, Frankenboy, but if we win, 324 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,959 - we get an eye. - Huh? 325 00:15:12,042 --> 00:15:14,002 - An eye. - And not just any eye. 326 00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:15,671 Mac's beautiful baby brown. 327 00:15:15,754 --> 00:15:17,506 Now stand back up. 328 00:15:17,589 --> 00:15:18,882 Fuck that. 329 00:15:18,966 --> 00:15:20,843 What happened to all the shit about the courage and the destiny? 330 00:15:20,926 --> 00:15:23,929 That was before we were talking about plucking out my fucking eye, dude. 331 00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:25,597 Wait, wait, it's-it's only one eye, right? 332 00:15:25,681 --> 00:15:28,183 - One. One eye. - One eye. It's only one eye. 333 00:15:28,267 --> 00:15:31,937 He's using cabbage in his colon as collateral, Frank. 334 00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:33,480 - It's valuable. - I don't think this man 335 00:15:33,564 --> 00:15:34,857 can be trusted in a negotiation. 336 00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:36,108 What is it with you? 337 00:15:36,191 --> 00:15:38,068 Do you want to get on that stupid quilt or not? 338 00:15:38,152 --> 00:15:42,156 I guarantee you, you win, and you are on that quilt. 339 00:15:42,656 --> 00:15:44,074 - Center. - Promise? 340 00:15:44,158 --> 00:15:45,659 Promise. 341 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:47,745 - Okay, I'll do it. - Ah! 342 00:15:51,290 --> 00:15:53,751 Jesus, stop with that horn. 343 00:15:53,834 --> 00:15:55,919 Well, there's the parking fee hike that they're doing 344 00:15:56,003 --> 00:15:57,796 because they're not validating. 345 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,131 Well, that was, uh... 346 00:15:59,757 --> 00:16:01,341 That was excellent. You did... You did good. 347 00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,677 Yeah. 348 00:16:04,219 --> 00:16:06,805 Uh, one more time, though, you're not a prostitute, right? 349 00:16:06,889 --> 00:16:08,599 Why do you keep asking me that? 350 00:16:08,682 --> 00:16:11,268 I just... Just triple-checking that. 351 00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,854 Um, anyway, this will be fun to talk about, right? 352 00:16:14,605 --> 00:16:16,732 You're... You're gonna talk about it? 353 00:16:17,524 --> 00:16:20,110 Well, sure. I-I think I should speak of this, yes. 354 00:16:20,194 --> 00:16:21,236 Can-Can you not? 355 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,864 Why? What's... Oh, what's wrong? 356 00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:27,701 I'm married. 357 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:30,913 Yeah, you're married. 358 00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:36,502 My husband, he was in a car accident, and he lost the use of his... 359 00:16:37,336 --> 00:16:38,587 His dick? 360 00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,715 And it's been so long since we... 361 00:16:41,799 --> 00:16:47,095 - Sure. - And this was so terrible. 362 00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:52,017 - Wasn't that bad. - And it smells so awful in here. 363 00:16:53,185 --> 00:16:55,854 - This was a mistake. - It doesn't smell great, but that wasn't... 364 00:16:57,397 --> 00:16:59,650 It wasn't that bad. It was... That was... 365 00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:01,527 That was great. 366 00:17:03,779 --> 00:17:05,030 Hey, dude, this was, uh... 367 00:17:05,697 --> 00:17:08,408 this was really disturbing. I-I don't think I could sing about this. 368 00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:10,285 Fine. Don't. 369 00:17:10,369 --> 00:17:13,580 Please don't, like, ever ask me to watch you do that again, okay? 370 00:17:13,664 --> 00:17:15,666 - Like, ever. - Yeah. 371 00:17:15,749 --> 00:17:18,794 Smells so bad in here, dude. Like, so... What-What is that? 372 00:17:18,877 --> 00:17:20,003 Yeah, well, it's not me, dude. 373 00:17:20,087 --> 00:17:22,005 There's been countless people in here, I'm sure. 374 00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:26,343 My God. Dude, I-I don't even know if we can be, like, friends anymore, man. 375 00:17:27,094 --> 00:17:28,303 That's fine, yeah. 376 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:30,180 I can't believe you do that to people. 377 00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:32,558 Why don't you just get out of here, man? 378 00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:39,147 - Let me explain the one move to you. I-- - I don't want to know 379 00:17:39,231 --> 00:17:41,275 - any more about it. It's super weird. - But I just want you to know... 380 00:17:41,358 --> 00:17:43,318 - Here he is. What's up, dude? - Hey. What's going on here? 381 00:17:43,402 --> 00:17:44,486 Yo, what is this? 382 00:17:44,570 --> 00:17:47,364 Oh, Mac is gonna joust Liam McPoyle. 383 00:17:47,447 --> 00:17:51,869 And if he wins, I get to buy this dump and turn it into a data center. 384 00:17:51,952 --> 00:17:53,954 - Oh, okay. - Okay, cool. And if he loses? 385 00:17:54,037 --> 00:17:55,455 They dig out his eye. 386 00:17:57,916 --> 00:17:59,293 Oh, shit. 387 00:17:59,376 --> 00:18:01,336 Whoa. 388 00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:02,963 - That is medieval. - Yeah, it is. 389 00:18:03,046 --> 00:18:04,631 - Yeah. - What you two been up to? 390 00:18:04,715 --> 00:18:07,426 I really don't want to talk about it. Yeah, I just... 391 00:18:10,095 --> 00:18:12,431 - That guy with his goddamn horn. - Yeah. 392 00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:16,226 Lords and ladies, 393 00:18:16,310 --> 00:18:19,855 the joust is about to begin! 394 00:18:28,113 --> 00:18:30,866 Jousters, make ready. 395 00:18:30,949 --> 00:18:33,410 Look at my boy. 396 00:18:33,493 --> 00:18:36,622 That's so fun, my boy, my favorite, my... 397 00:18:37,915 --> 00:18:40,250 Say, uh, has Mac ever ridden a horse? 398 00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:42,961 - Shit if I know. - I don't think he has. 399 00:18:43,045 --> 00:18:44,671 - Dude's gonna get blasted. - I think so. 400 00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:46,256 Go! 401 00:18:57,726 --> 00:18:59,019 Ooh. Told ya. 402 00:18:59,102 --> 00:19:00,229 There goes the data center. 403 00:19:06,485 --> 00:19:07,486 Oh, shit! 404 00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:11,782 An eye for an eye. 405 00:19:15,035 --> 00:19:16,828 My eye! 406 00:19:16,912 --> 00:19:18,121 Ryan! 407 00:19:19,873 --> 00:19:22,501 I'm blind! 408 00:19:22,584 --> 00:19:26,213 The shame! The horror! 409 00:19:26,296 --> 00:19:30,008 Breathe in. Suck a... [inhales] Try to suck. Try to suck in with your eye. 410 00:19:30,092 --> 00:19:31,551 Can you do that? It's not going in. 411 00:19:31,635 --> 00:19:33,387 Who is responsible for this skulduggery? 412 00:19:34,471 --> 00:19:37,224 'Twas I, Lady Dee. 413 00:19:37,724 --> 00:19:43,146 Puller of strings, master of puppets, and driver of all story. 414 00:19:43,230 --> 00:19:44,815 We will have our revenge. 415 00:19:44,898 --> 00:19:46,984 Nobody messes with the McPoyles! 416 00:19:47,067 --> 00:19:51,196 We better get the fuck out of here. 417 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,074 Uh, I don't know what's happening. Dee, you look very cocky. 418 00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:55,617 You want to explain? 419 00:19:55,701 --> 00:19:58,537 The limp, it's not real. I made it all up. 420 00:19:58,620 --> 00:20:00,038 - Why, Dee? - Yeah, why? 421 00:20:00,122 --> 00:20:03,208 Guys, I was never even kicked by a horse. 422 00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,502 - What the... - What is she blathering about? 423 00:20:05,585 --> 00:20:06,962 - I have no fucking... - I don't know. 424 00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:11,174 You said women couldn't drive stories, so I masterminded this entire thing. 425 00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:13,218 See, I was spying on Frank 426 00:20:13,302 --> 00:20:16,972 when I heard Liam say that Ryan was no longer in his father's favor. 427 00:20:17,055 --> 00:20:19,599 Now I know that Mac talks a big game all the time, 428 00:20:19,683 --> 00:20:22,352 but he's just a big pussy, and there's no way he would ever risk losing an eye. 429 00:20:22,436 --> 00:20:25,355 So I convinced Ryan to switch places with him. 430 00:20:26,023 --> 00:20:28,066 And then when Mac was off doing whatever he was doing, 431 00:20:28,650 --> 00:20:31,653 I went and got a new parking ticket validated. 432 00:20:32,154 --> 00:20:36,074 So, you see, everything that happened here today was all because of me. 433 00:20:36,158 --> 00:20:37,576 I drove every story. 434 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,079 It's true. I gotta hand it to you, Dee. 435 00:20:41,163 --> 00:20:44,583 That is all true, and it actually is a really good story. 436 00:20:44,666 --> 00:20:46,335 - Except for the parking ticket. - I was gonna say. Yeah. 437 00:20:46,418 --> 00:20:48,253 - Yeah. You could've left that out. - I regret saying that. 438 00:20:48,337 --> 00:20:49,880 You keep trying to throw in something about a parking ticket. 439 00:20:49,963 --> 00:20:52,049 As soon as it was coming out of my mouth, I was like, "What are you talking about?" 440 00:20:52,132 --> 00:20:53,258 - Forget that part. - That's all right. 441 00:20:53,342 --> 00:20:55,052 Either way, Dee, I gotta admit, you earned it. 442 00:20:55,135 --> 00:20:56,803 I think you're gonna be the one up on that quilt this year. 443 00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,430 Yeah! Yes! 444 00:20:58,513 --> 00:21:00,974 - Hold for dragon! - Ah, shit. 445 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:31,050 credits