1 00:00:14,553 --> 00:00:16,571 What? Oh, come on. This is bullshit. 2 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,786 - This has to be a mistake. - You're telling me. Mine's negative. 3 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,686 How are we positive and you're negative? 4 00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:21,810 What is that, an AIDS test? 5 00:00:21,834 --> 00:00:23,660 No, it's a neuropsych test. 6 00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:26,130 Yeah, we went to Penn to get a full neuropsychological test done 7 00:00:26,155 --> 00:00:27,773 to see if any of us had ADHD. 8 00:00:27,797 --> 00:00:29,632 And according to this shit, Dennis and I do. 9 00:00:29,656 --> 00:00:31,540 - Which is a lie. - Consider yourselves lucky. 10 00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:34,032 - At least now you have an excuse. - An excuse for what? 11 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,669 For why your life turned out like shit, 12 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,705 why you never accomplished anything, why you failed out of Penn. 13 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:43,301 Uh, no, no. No, we did not fail out of Penn, okay? 14 00:00:43,325 --> 00:00:45,393 We declined to graduate. 15 00:00:45,417 --> 00:00:47,527 Yeah, we just decided not to take the final exam 16 00:00:47,551 --> 00:00:49,550 'cause we got, like, you know, distracted by other shit. 17 00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:52,494 Yeah, but isn't getting distracted, like, the main thing of ADHD? 18 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:53,185 Stop it. It's 19 00:00:53,209 --> 00:00:55,535 No, we got distracted by, like, sex, drugs, and rock and roll, 20 00:00:55,559 --> 00:00:56,826 like normal college kid shit. 21 00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,651 - Neurotypical distractions. - Right. 22 00:00:58,675 --> 00:01:01,281 My whole life, I thought I had shit for brains, 23 00:01:01,305 --> 00:01:05,465 mainly because my mom would stick a Tootsie Roll in my ear when I slept. 24 00:01:05,489 --> 00:01:07,430 And I would wake up and find it and I would think there was 25 00:01:07,454 --> 00:01:09,807 - actually shit in my brains. - Leaking out of your head at night? 26 00:01:09,831 --> 00:01:13,006 I think it's because she loved me so much and she wanted to keep me at home, 27 00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:13,995 - you know? - Sure, yeah. 28 00:01:14,019 --> 00:01:16,491 And then I wised up and I caught on to her love ruse, 29 00:01:16,515 --> 00:01:20,264 and I realized that I probably did have some kind of disorder. 30 00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:21,492 I thought you did, for sure. 31 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:23,795 And now I have no excuse. I could have gone to Penn. 32 00:01:23,819 --> 00:01:26,946 Dude, I have a Ferrari brain that's stuck in first gear. 33 00:01:26,970 --> 00:01:27,609 Yeah. 34 00:01:27,633 --> 00:01:30,393 You have a Subaru brain that has two flat tires. 35 00:01:30,417 --> 00:01:32,168 Yeah, Mac, you couldn't even study in 36 00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:33,920 high school without getting all pissed off 37 00:01:33,945 --> 00:01:35,346 and breaking all your pencils... 38 00:01:35,371 --> 00:01:36,872 He'd throw all his books all around the room. 39 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:37,838 That's not true. 40 00:01:37,862 --> 00:01:40,389 All right, yeah, but like, do I What's mine say? 41 00:01:40,414 --> 00:01:41,834 Like, what car is my brain? 42 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,569 - This oughta be good. - Uh 43 00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,163 "Inconclusive." 44 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:46,839 - Oh, huh? - What? 45 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,470 They want you to come back for more testing. 46 00:01:48,495 --> 00:01:49,489 - I gotta go back? - Yeah. 47 00:01:49,513 --> 00:01:51,503 I don't know why you guys give a shit about this. 48 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:53,655 I mean, you are who you are. 49 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,825 And as far as Penn goes 50 00:01:56,898 --> 00:01:59,780 the only reason why you two got in there was because of my money. 51 00:01:59,808 --> 00:02:01,633 Your brains had nothing to do with it. 52 00:02:01,657 --> 00:02:03,573 Yeah, well, we'll see about that, Frank. 53 00:02:03,696 --> 00:02:05,297 Dee, you thinking what I'm thinking? 54 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,440 - Dee? - Mmm. Mm-hmm? 55 00:02:10,492 --> 00:02:11,994 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 56 00:02:12,676 --> 00:02:13,743 Absolutely. 57 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,401 Great. Then say it with me. 58 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,363 - Oh, I would love to. - We're-- 59 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,355 You just have to tell me what it is we were gonna say. 60 00:02:19,379 --> 00:02:21,090 You literally just said you knew what I was thinking. 61 00:02:21,114 --> 00:02:23,590 That was a lie. I got distracted for a sec. 62 00:02:23,614 --> 00:02:25,448 I was gonna say we should go back to school. 63 00:02:25,472 --> 00:02:26,606 - Oh, shit, really? - Yeah. 64 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:29,260 - Yeah. - Oh! Okay. I like it. 65 00:02:29,285 --> 00:02:31,379 - You want to say it together again? - No, I don't. I'll just do it. 66 00:02:31,403 --> 00:02:34,343 - We're gonna go back to school. - Back to school. Did it. 67 00:02:34,489 --> 00:02:37,492 _ 68 00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:43,516 credits 69 00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:00,356 Wow, look at this. 70 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,684 I don't know where we should sit now that we know we have ADHD. 71 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,652 Maybe we just sit in the front row, you know? 72 00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:09,216 Get out of the way for when the shooter comes blasting. 73 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,766 Wait, wait. Hey, don't do that. 74 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,087 It's upsetting. 75 00:03:12,111 --> 00:03:14,406 - It's-It's very triggering, you know? - Yeah. 76 00:03:14,907 --> 00:03:19,107 That being said, uh it would be good if he had to blast through 77 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,600 a couple rows before he got to us, 78 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,871 - you know what I mean? - Yeah. 79 00:03:21,895 --> 00:03:23,945 - Right. Give us a little time to scramble. - Exactly. 80 00:03:23,969 --> 00:03:25,304 - Yeah. - What are you gonna do? 81 00:03:25,604 --> 00:03:30,630 Well, well, well, if it isn't the stupid little rich kids. 82 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,053 Uh, we are not stupid. 83 00:03:33,077 --> 00:03:34,112 You are. 84 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:37,683 - Is that the whole comeback? - I think so. I didn't-- 85 00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:39,485 - Thought you were - That's not what I meant. 86 00:03:39,486 --> 00:03:41,087 Give me a second. I'm gonna think of something else. 87 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,622 It'll be too late. What are you doing here? 88 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,124 I'm gonna prove to you that I could've gone to Penn. 89 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:47,326 That's why I'm sitting right here in the front row, 90 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,594 'cause I'm going to pay attention. 91 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,863 I'm going to take notes, and, of course, 92 00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,995 if the shooter comes in blasting, I can scramble. 93 00:03:53,019 --> 00:03:55,345 - All right, let's do this thing. - What? 94 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,076 What are you doing here? 95 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,409 We're doing a Back to School thing 96 00:03:58,433 --> 00:04:00,508 like Rodney Dangerfield did in the movie. 97 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,783 "Let's party!" 98 00:04:01,807 --> 00:04:04,332 Okay, well, Frank, we are not doing a Back to School thing. 99 00:04:04,356 --> 00:04:06,049 We're just going back to school. 100 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,421 What's the difference? 101 00:04:07,445 --> 00:04:08,818 The difference is we're gonna pay attention 102 00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:10,191 and we're gonna study and focus. 103 00:04:10,215 --> 00:04:12,936 - We explained this at the bar. - I probably wasn't paying attention. 104 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,915 - Do we all have ADHD now? - I guess. 105 00:04:14,939 --> 00:04:18,000 Not me. Look at how well-arranged my index cards are and my pencils. 106 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,321 I'm focused as shit. 107 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,490 Okay, nerd. 108 00:04:20,514 --> 00:04:22,466 Nobody uses paper anymore, all right? 109 00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:25,426 It's all computers, you stupid, dumb dumb. 110 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,701 - Dee. - I'm so sorry. I don't know. 111 00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,737 I think that the diagnosis is messing with my confidence or something. 112 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:32,796 Wait a minute. 113 00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:35,501 If you guys are not gonna party, I'm gonna find somebody else who will. 114 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,260 Ah. Four-eyes here. 115 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,813 Come with me. I'm gonna show you what school really is. 116 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,931 We're gonna "par-tay." 117 00:04:42,955 --> 00:04:46,057 All right, here. When the teacher comes, tell him I'm renting the kid. 118 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,653 Come on. Let's go. 119 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,221 Let's go. Come on. Get up. 120 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,068 Sort of a human trafficking situation. 121 00:04:51,092 --> 00:04:53,194 - Seems like it, right? Whatever. - Yeah. 122 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:58,297 You know what? I think I should get some Ritterall to help me focus. 123 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,299 No, no, no. Dee, don't do that. 124 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,978 You know where that leads. 125 00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:03,669 You know, starts with Ritterall, then you move to coke, 126 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,072 and then you're smoking crack and then more crack. 127 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:07,646 Okay? Let's not do that, all right? 128 00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,913 Worst comes to worst, we feel like we're not gonna pass the test, 129 00:05:09,937 --> 00:05:12,156 just do what you always used to do. Just bang the professor. 130 00:05:14,235 --> 00:05:16,798 Oh. I think that's gonna have to be your department. 131 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:21,121 Well, no, I don't know about that. I mean, it could go either way, you know, but, uh 132 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,323 Yeah, let's not Let's not go down that road. 133 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,192 I-I don't really wanna bang her. 134 00:05:26,303 --> 00:05:27,970 Good morning, class. 135 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,228 Oh! 136 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:31,031 Good 137 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,499 morning 138 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,768 class. 139 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,241 Okay, Mr. Kelly. 140 00:05:37,265 --> 00:05:39,240 So I'm sure you've seen these types of tests before 141 00:05:39,264 --> 00:05:41,839 - when logging on to a website or a domain. - Mmm. 142 00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:44,366 They're used for identifying robots. 143 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,811 Oh. You think I might be a robot? 144 00:05:46,836 --> 00:05:48,547 No, of course not. 145 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:49,615 Oh. 146 00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,303 I have "drinken" motor oil. 147 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,185 You Sorry, what? 148 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:57,823 Uh Yeah. I didn't drink it all that much and I didn't like it. 149 00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,525 Okay. Right. 150 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,327 So I'm probably not a robot. Put that down. 151 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,495 - Right. - Good. 152 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,264 - Okay, well, let's try the test. - Yeah. 153 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,367 Which of these images has grass? 154 00:06:10,288 --> 00:06:11,604 Um just this one. 155 00:06:11,813 --> 00:06:14,440 Just that one? 156 00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:16,776 Yeah, that that's the only one I see. This guy right here. 157 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:20,479 And out of curiosity, what color is the man's shirt? 158 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,150 Uh, no, I'm not colorblind if that's your concern. 159 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,685 Uh, his shirt is light blue. 160 00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,154 I can see it and I can smell it like crazy. 161 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,822 - Smell it? - Oh, yeah. 162 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,691 I-I can smell every color in this room. 163 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,828 And why did you select that image as having grass? 164 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:39,231 Well, because hair is the grass of the head. 165 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,767 I see. And why no grass in the others? 166 00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:44,570 Oh, well, because they're just pictures of grass, 167 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,689 and you asked which picture has grass, 168 00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:48,808 and that's the only grass head one. 169 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,443 But that one is also a photograph. 170 00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:53,579 Uh, yes, but it has a tiny hair on it. 171 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:57,583 See? So this is the only one that had any actual grass. 172 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,086 It was hard to see, but I could smell the black of the hair. 173 00:07:00,615 --> 00:07:01,336 Yeah. 174 00:07:02,063 --> 00:07:05,734 Do you mind if I invite a few other professors to join us? 175 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,159 Sure, yeah. 176 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,494 May I keep this? 177 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,596 - Yeah. - Great. 178 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,364 Good. Deal. 179 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,335 Are you sure I'm not a robot? 180 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:19,305 You are definitely not a robot. 181 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,373 All right. 182 00:07:20,989 --> 00:07:22,723 All right, all right. 183 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:27,313 Okay. Let's check out the dorm room. 184 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:30,750 Well, right away, I see the issues in this room. 185 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,286 - Yeah. I don't see any bongs. - Oh. 186 00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,721 I don't see any lava lamps. Not good. 187 00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,790 And the walls should be covered with titty posters. 188 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,646 You don't know how to do college, do you 189 00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:43,324 I never caught your name. What's your name? 190 00:07:43,349 --> 00:07:44,583 Um, I'm Jie. 191 00:07:44,607 --> 00:07:46,499 - G? - Jie. 192 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:50,102 G? I want to stick with G. You're from another country, right? 193 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,407 Yes, I'm from China. 194 00:07:51,432 --> 00:07:54,744 China. There you go. 195 00:07:54,769 --> 00:07:57,208 That's the problem right there, because they don't know 196 00:07:57,233 --> 00:08:00,246 how to throw away a perfectly good education over there. 197 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,681 - Uh, oh. - They don't know that. 198 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,482 - Let me tell you something, G. - Okay. 199 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:07,586 - Life is the only education - Mmm. Uh. 200 00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:09,322 and you don't want to fail at that. 201 00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,790 - Okay. - Okay? Yeah. 202 00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:13,693 Oh! Hello. This must be the roommate. 203 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,361 Oh, here we go. This is good. 204 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,530 He looks like he's all dolled up. 205 00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:19,498 You're ready to go out and have some fun, right? 206 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,728 What are you gonna do? 207 00:08:20,753 --> 00:08:23,469 Go to Go to the dean's office and crap on his desk? 208 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,171 No, I'm going to a protest. 209 00:08:25,812 --> 00:08:27,239 A protest? 210 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,528 Boring. 211 00:08:28,552 --> 00:08:29,855 What's the matter with you kids? 212 00:08:29,879 --> 00:08:31,399 You don't know how to have fun anymore? 213 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,779 Wait, you know what? 214 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:36,515 - Mmm. - Your roommate just 215 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,385 - G, follow me. - Mmm. 216 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,420 You know where the dean's office is? 217 00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:42,738 Uh, yes. 218 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,515 Oh, f fuck! Oh 219 00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:49,650 Holy fuck. 220 00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,530 Oh, this is great. 221 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,499 I fucked up my hand. Look at that. Huh? 222 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,601 - Holy shit. - That's the way it's got to be in college. 223 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,570 God, wait, let me I got to do-do this. 224 00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,305 - Come on in, G. - Oh. Oh. 225 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:01,674 Come on, come on, come on in, G. I gotta blot. Whoo. 226 00:09:01,675 --> 00:09:05,177 Holy Toledo. There's blood. Holy shit. 227 00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,612 It's bleeding like a pig. 228 00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,247 See that trash can over here? 229 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,249 Grab that, bring it over in the middle here. 230 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,684 Take a good crap in it. 231 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,419 - Take a nice big crap in it - A A crap? 232 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,187 and dump it on the dean's desk. 233 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,690 That's the way you do it. Come on. Go ahead. 234 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,825 What's the matter? You can't take a shit? 235 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,427 - You dehydrated? - No. 236 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,561 You got to hydrate. 237 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,563 I'm going to get expelled. 238 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,233 - Why you gonna get expelled? - They will know it's us. 239 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,835 How they gonna know it's us? They can't know it's us. 240 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,438 You make me use my key card to open the building. 241 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,473 Well, I can't smash every window, G. 242 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:35,808 And they have cameras. 243 00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:38,634 - There's a camera. - Camera? Huh? 244 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,602 Oh, shit. Oh Ooh. 245 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,551 Times are changing. 246 00:09:45,765 --> 00:09:48,083 Uh, that's because of the shooters, probably. 247 00:09:48,108 --> 00:09:49,327 All right, shit. 248 00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:52,367 Uh Tell you what. Uh All right, all right. Relax. 249 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,494 Uh Listen, don't blame G, this is all me. 250 00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,303 This is all my fault. I made him do it. 251 00:09:58,328 --> 00:10:00,199 So don't blame him, okay? 252 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,170 And I-I-I had to break the glass over there to get in 253 00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:06,238 'cause we were gonna shit on your desk. 254 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:10,146 This will pay for the window that I broke in the door. 255 00:10:10,171 --> 00:10:11,972 Okay? Everything good? 256 00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,647 There is a little cleanup, but there's no shit. 257 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:17,516 You don't have to clean up any turds, any-any crap, 258 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,119 'cause that desk would've been full of my shit 259 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,272 if I could have got up there. Okay. 260 00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,725 I forgot how hard these classes are, you know. 261 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,394 And I can't even, uh, concentrate on what that old lady was saying. 262 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,730 Yeah, how are you supposed to concentrate on anything? 263 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,866 You know, the women, although ignorant and naive, are at their physical apex. 264 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:36,068 You gotta look over your shoulder every three seconds to make sure 265 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,503 - there's not an active shooter - Right? 266 00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:39,405 and the teacher is like a draconian bore. 267 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:41,140 Yeah, how are you even supposed to know what to study? 268 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,109 You know what? I don't know that, either. 269 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,077 Seriously, everything's apparently in a portal, 270 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,113 and I tried to get in the portal, but I can't get in. 271 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:48,547 You need a computer science degree. 272 00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:51,250 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 273 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,085 - Are you on drugs? - Yeah, yeah. 274 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,821 Goddamn it, Dee. I I told you not to do Ritterall. 275 00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,257 No, I didn't do Ritterall. No, I-I found some coke. 276 00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,659 - Oh, you bitch. - Yeah. 277 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,395 - Do you have any more? - A little bit. 278 00:11:02,396 --> 00:11:04,196 Give me some. Give me some. 279 00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,598 Come on, come on, come on 280 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:06,866 Yeah. 281 00:11:08,171 --> 00:11:09,644 - Why'd I do that? - Yeah. 282 00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:10,702 Aw, what the hell? 283 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:12,605 Is that Mac over there studying his brains off? 284 00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:15,065 - Yeah. - He's got a partner though, a study buddy? 285 00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:17,202 - That's cheating. You can't do that. - Don't worry, Dee. 286 00:11:17,232 --> 00:11:19,668 I did a little something to nuke his confidence. 287 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,248 Dude, how do you not know this answer? 288 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,998 I've gone over it with you, like, five times. 289 00:11:24,023 --> 00:11:26,519 No, I know, I Hold on. There's something weird in my What is this? 290 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,321 Oh. Ew! 291 00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:31,223 What is that? Oh, my God, that smells like shit. 292 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,326 - Does that smell like shit to you? - Dude. I don't wanna smell it. 293 00:11:33,327 --> 00:11:35,261 - No, I know, but just smell it. - I don't wanna smell it. 294 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,163 Is that What? 295 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,731 Did you put a Tootsie Roll in his ear? 296 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,199 I did. 297 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,567 - Do you think it's poop? - Yeah. 298 00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,369 No, I don't think it's poop. 299 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,137 I-I popped a Tootsie Roll in there, yeah. 300 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,239 I-I shoved it in my asshole for a little while too, 301 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,141 - so it smells like shit. - Did you? 302 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,077 - That's why it smells bad. - Yeah. 303 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,323 - Wow, nice touch. - Thank you. 304 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,551 Okay, Mr. Kelly. 305 00:11:57,952 --> 00:12:00,386 - Yeah. - This should be an easy one. 306 00:12:00,605 --> 00:12:05,005 Backpacks are to books as coffee cans are to 307 00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:11,645 A, coffee. B, rice. Or C, dirt. 308 00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:17,281 I'd like to answer D, a "stab" infection. 309 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,604 Interesting. 310 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:20,373 Yeah, you almost had me. 311 00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:22,742 And how do you come by this answer, Charlie? 312 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:26,746 Well you know, backpacks can be very "cummerbund" to carry around. 313 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:29,382 They can pull on your necks, causing chronic injury, 314 00:12:29,383 --> 00:12:32,251 but at the heart of that problem are the books inside. 315 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,520 Coffee cans can also cause injuries too. 316 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:36,789 They could have sharp edges if opened improperly, 317 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:41,120 and those could lead to cuts, which could lead to "stab" infections. 318 00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:43,641 I see. 319 00:12:43,791 --> 00:12:46,192 And why didn't you answer A, coffee? 320 00:12:46,327 --> 00:12:49,235 Well, 'cause coffee cans don't hold coffee. 321 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,636 Coffee is a liquid. 322 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,981 Coffee cans hold coffee beans, 323 00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:58,278 and this particular can has 627 beans inside of it, but no coffee. 324 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,781 And how do you think you know that? 325 00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,303 Well, I heard the number when you put it down. 326 00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:07,486 Yeah, just like I can hear you have two pencils in your right pocket 327 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,588 because of the volume of your right footsteps. 328 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:12,075 You tread lightly on that foot because you don't want to get poked. 329 00:13:12,896 --> 00:13:14,063 Yeah, there there you go. 330 00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:16,589 Amazing. 331 00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,765 Somebody do something? 332 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,101 Some-- Did you do Did you do something? Do it again. I missed it. 333 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:25,237 This is the most important thing that you could do in college. 334 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,373 - Okay. Oh. - Get laid. 335 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:31,243 Because girls just wanna have new experiences. 336 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:34,847 - So let's find you the perfect girl. - Okay. 337 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:37,986 How about her? With the can in her hand. 338 00:13:40,315 --> 00:13:43,463 Oh! Oh. No, no, no, no, no, I-I don't think she's interested in me. 339 00:13:43,488 --> 00:13:46,592 G, you got to swing for the fences in college. 340 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,527 Don't worry about it. I know what to say. 341 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:49,862 I'm gonna be right behind you, 342 00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,530 - whispering in your ear. - Okay. 343 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,233 Remember the moves that I taught you earlier. 344 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,635 - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, you do. 345 00:13:55,636 --> 00:13:56,982 Okay, let's go, come on. 346 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:03,209 Hi, I'm G. I'm on the China Express to sexy town. 347 00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,244 What? It's too loud. I can't-- 348 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,746 Are you trying to talk to me? 349 00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,314 Compliment her tits. 350 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,650 Okay, look, what do you creeps want? 351 00:14:10,651 --> 00:14:13,452 Hi, I'm Frank Reynolds, a local billionaire 352 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,221 and all-around good time. 353 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,390 Uh, I'm pulling a Back to School. 354 00:14:17,391 --> 00:14:19,258 This is my friend, G. 355 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,093 - Hi. - He's going to be rich too someday, 356 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,863 but right now he's not looking for attachments. 357 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:26,766 He's "down to clown," as the kids say, 358 00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:31,837 and he's got some exotic moves in the sack that you've probably never tried. 359 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:34,106 Show her the hip thing. Do the hip thing. 360 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,574 - Do I have to? - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. 361 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,476 Watch this. Watch this. Check this out. 362 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,645 Go on, do it. Do it bigger, bigger. 363 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,381 Yeah. Look at that. That is hot. 364 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,583 That is Chinese dong. 365 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:47,320 Not great from what I hear, but it's not nothing. 366 00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,588 And you may never get to sample this again. 367 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:54,350 I mean, this is the time for you to have new experiences. Am I right? 368 00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:56,242 - What the hell is going on here? - Huh? 369 00:14:56,266 --> 00:14:57,867 You nerds trying to hit on my girl? 370 00:14:57,891 --> 00:14:59,385 Nerds? 371 00:14:59,409 --> 00:15:01,379 Who are you, Johnny Unitas? 372 00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:04,601 Who? I'm captain of the crew team, grandpa. 373 00:15:04,626 --> 00:15:06,163 What the hell is that kid doing? 374 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:09,709 - Oh. Y-You can stop, G. G, you can stop. - Oh, okay. 375 00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:14,513 So you're the tough guys on campus, huh? You're the top jocks, eh? 376 00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,215 Well, listen to this. 377 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:20,119 Tomorrow, G and I are gonna do a synchronized dive 378 00:15:20,143 --> 00:15:23,763 from the high dive in front of the whole school. 379 00:15:24,072 --> 00:15:24,790 Why? 380 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:27,664 Well, then we'll see who the nerds are. 381 00:15:27,689 --> 00:15:29,856 Be there or be square. 382 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,131 - All right, man. - All right. 383 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,567 Wait, wait, wait, why-why are we doing that? 384 00:15:34,568 --> 00:15:39,572 Dangerfield did it in Back to School. Trust me, it's gonna work. 385 00:15:39,573 --> 00:15:43,126 Come on. Let's get a brew. I want to get loaded. 386 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,300 Uh, okay. Uh, the preconscious mind? 387 00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:09,269 Yes. True. 388 00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,470 Uh, I'm asking for the definition. 389 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,620 I don't know what that word means. 390 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,610 Nietzsche. Nietzsche! 391 00:16:17,611 --> 00:16:19,012 I don't know. 392 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,705 Okay, that's you up there, G. And you're gonna go boing. 393 00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:49,108 Then you do a flip, and you boing straight in. 394 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,710 How's that? Too much? 395 00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:52,745 All right, I'll tell you what. There's another option. 396 00:16:52,746 --> 00:16:54,380 All right, this is easy. 397 00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,283 - Okay? All right. - Yeah. 398 00:17:21,648 --> 00:17:23,175 - All right, jump! - No, no, no. 399 00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,378 - Don't look down. Just look up. Look up. - Okay. 400 00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,754 Ready, and one, two, three. Jump! 401 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,053 You did it! You did it, G! 402 00:17:41,404 --> 00:17:43,339 Is it hidden or no? 403 00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:45,467 - Whoa. - True. False. 404 00:17:45,491 --> 00:17:47,159 I'm gonna toss the bookshelf, buddy. 405 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,161 Dee. 406 00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:17,978 - Dee! - What? Yeah, what? 407 00:18:18,816 --> 00:18:20,083 Are you on crack? 408 00:18:20,107 --> 00:18:21,141 Yeah. 409 00:18:22,203 --> 00:18:23,300 Bitch. 410 00:18:32,448 --> 00:18:35,417 I want to thank you all, and Mr. Kelly, 411 00:18:35,441 --> 00:18:38,945 for your time and effort in the pursuit of this diagnosis. 412 00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:43,094 It wasn't easy, but I think what we have uncovered 413 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:48,610 is the most extraordinary scientific discovery in the last 100 years. 414 00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:51,381 It is the opinion of this esteemed community 415 00:18:51,405 --> 00:18:57,059 that Mr. Charlie Kelly has a condition we would like to call... 416 00:18:57,084 --> 00:18:58,385 He left. 417 00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:01,877 - What? - He just walked out the door. 418 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,242 Oh. 419 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:10,249 Mr. Kelly! Mr. Kelly, wait. 420 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,725 - Hey. - Why did you leave? 421 00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:15,684 Oh. Well, uh, I saw you put your folder down. 422 00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:18,344 So when someone is no longer holding an object-- 423 00:19:18,369 --> 00:19:21,242 That they've been holding while giving a lecture or a speech or something 424 00:19:21,266 --> 00:19:23,134 and they put it down, yeah, they're done talking. 425 00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:24,927 - Fascinating. - Yeah. 426 00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:26,753 Well, wouldn't you like to hear our diagnosis? 427 00:19:26,777 --> 00:19:29,356 Oh. Cool. Uh, of what? 428 00:19:29,555 --> 00:19:33,305 - Of you. - Of me? What about me? 429 00:19:33,330 --> 00:19:34,898 Don't you want to know what you are? 430 00:19:36,891 --> 00:19:38,107 I'm Charlie. 431 00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:40,634 Uh, yes, sorry. I mean what you have. 432 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:46,104 No. Huh? Wh-What? No, what I have is to get to the pool. 433 00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:48,197 Yeah, my buddy's doing a big dive. 434 00:19:48,867 --> 00:19:50,677 Whole school is gonna be there. 435 00:19:54,559 --> 00:19:56,331 I thought there'd be more people here. 436 00:19:58,925 --> 00:20:01,802 Oh, I-I-I think this is too high. 437 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,932 Ooh. I'm with you, kid. This is very high. 438 00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,441 Uh, do we have to do this? 439 00:20:06,465 --> 00:20:08,716 No, we don't. You do. 440 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,304 It can't be all about tests and books, G. 441 00:20:11,328 --> 00:20:15,356 You got to take some wild risks in order to pass the test of life. 442 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,515 - Okay. - Yeah, give me your glasses. 443 00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:19,250 - Okay. - Yeah, go on, go ahead. 444 00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:20,652 - Do your thing. Go on. - Okay. 445 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:22,953 All right, ready? Go on, go on up there. 446 00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:25,986 Remember the training. You can do this, G, all right? 447 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:27,659 - G? - Yes. 448 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,594 Take a leap of faith, kid. 449 00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,363 - Yeah. - Okay. 450 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,299 - On my count. - Okay. 451 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:36,368 - Ready? All right. - Uh 452 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,169 - One - Okay. 453 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,237 two 454 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,572 - Okay. - three. 455 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,308 - I jump! - Jump! 456 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,109 Flip! 457 00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,444 Fly! 458 00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:58,057 Yeah! 459 00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:03,639 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 460 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:04,854 My bad, G! 461 00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,467 - Move! - Get out of the way. 462 00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:11,102 - Look out, please. - Scoot. 463 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,704 Make way. We're trying to see something here. 464 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,105 Dumbass kids. Move. 465 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,373 I know I aced this thing. 466 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:17,375 Yeah, I guarantee you I aced it. 467 00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,744 Yeah. Hey, um, you weren't putting shit in my ear, were you? 468 00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:21,613 Put something in your ear? 469 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,315 What are you...? What are you talking about, man? 470 00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,195 Uh, I don't see us. 471 00:21:25,220 --> 00:21:26,558 - I don't see us either. - I don't think we're on this. 472 00:21:26,581 --> 00:21:27,468 Wait, what do you mean? 473 00:21:27,492 --> 00:21:29,312 - Where are our grades? - Hang on a second. 474 00:21:29,727 --> 00:21:31,723 - Did she not grade us? - Are you kidding me? What the hell? 475 00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,392 Ugh. Goddamn it. You know what? 476 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,508 Okay, I think I know what happened here. 477 00:21:36,532 --> 00:21:37,722 I'm a little ashamed to admit it, 478 00:21:37,746 --> 00:21:41,108 but you know, we never actually, like, enrolled in the school, 479 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,767 so maybe that's why they didn't grade us? 480 00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:43,904 Did we have to? 481 00:21:44,673 --> 00:21:46,104 Uh, probably. 482 00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,306 I skimmed the website, but there was, like, so many words. 483 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:49,774 Yeah, who reads fine print? 484 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:51,643 - There's a website? - There's a website, yeah, 485 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,378 - for the university. - Goddamn it. 486 00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:54,779 That old bitch took advantage of me. 487 00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,848 What old bitch? What are you talking about? 488 00:21:56,849 --> 00:21:58,650 The Noth-- Nobody. 489 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,251 Yo, what's up? 490 00:22:00,252 --> 00:22:02,487 Hey, Charlie! Hey, did you get your diagnosis? 491 00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:04,656 Uh, why? I'm not sick, you know what I mean? 492 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:07,125 I don't need some teacher talking a bunch of words at me 493 00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:09,260 telling me what I am, 'cause I'm good, dude. 494 00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,363 Yeah, what is the point of all this, you know? 495 00:22:11,364 --> 00:22:13,198 - School. - Look, we are who we are. 496 00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,767 - No diagnosis is gonna change that. - I am what I am. 497 00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,580 Look, if you want more information about yourself, 498 00:22:17,603 --> 00:22:19,353 hey, that's fine, good on you, 499 00:22:19,377 --> 00:22:23,584 but I don't need to take a test or get a diagnosis to find out how smart I am. 500 00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:25,710 - I know I'm smart. Know what I mean? - I like that. 501 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:28,313 - Yeah, I got what you were going for. - Yo. Let's get out of here. 502 00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:30,448 - Oh, dude, how's that kid doing? - Yeah? 503 00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:33,785 Oh, not good. He failed the most important test in life. 504 00:22:33,786 --> 00:22:35,587 - Which is what? - Don't do a bunch of shit 505 00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:37,589 some guy you just met tells you to do. 506 00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,224 - Of course. - I mean, that's common sense. 507 00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:40,659 - Yeah. - Who does that? 508 00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:42,360 - Street smarts. - I diagnose you as dumb, kid. 509 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,662 - Dumb. - Yeah. 510 00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:45,448 He did everything I told him to do. 511 00:22:45,473 --> 00:22:47,666 You know, you definitely don't need a rocket surgeon to tell you that. 512 00:22:47,667 --> 00:22:50,201 Right. Wait, did you say "rocket surgeon"? 513 00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,770 I don't know. You know what I meant. 514 00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:53,638 I'm still coming off the crack. Just give me a break. 515 00:22:53,661 --> 00:22:56,445 Hey, Dennis, you didn't put anything into my ear, did you? 516 00:22:57,374 --> 00:23:05,374 www.subtitulamos.tv