1 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:19,111 Man, something ain?t right. I think I?m getting cold feet. 2 00:00:19,135 --> 00:00:21,697 What do you mean, man? I thought Sam was your soulmate. 3 00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:23,992 I don?t even know where to begin with this thing, honestly. 4 00:00:24,016 --> 00:00:26,285 You know what, why don?t you just tie it in a double knot 5 00:00:26,309 --> 00:00:28,311 and go Colonel Sanders style? 6 00:00:28,405 --> 00:00:30,675 Well, it ain?t that. I?m-I?m crazy about her. 7 00:00:30,699 --> 00:00:32,474 Last night we did it in a pond. 8 00:00:32,498 --> 00:00:34,740 Frogs croaking... 9 00:00:34,764 --> 00:00:36,479 ...mud in our toes. 10 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,006 And there was a Starbucks in the... in the distance, 11 00:00:39,030 --> 00:00:41,199 and I made eye contact with the clerk. 12 00:00:41,223 --> 00:00:42,409 He knew what was up. 13 00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:43,981 Maybe we should just get some clip-on ones. 14 00:00:44,005 --> 00:00:45,795 - I?ll take a Sanders. - No, we?re not doing a... 15 00:00:45,883 --> 00:00:47,919 We?re not doing Colonel Sanders bow ties, okay? 16 00:00:47,943 --> 00:00:50,122 That?s-That?s gonna look crazy, okay? 17 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,786 Mac, does your mom have to smoke in here? 18 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,588 Jesus, our tuxes are gonna reek. 19 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,490 You?re the one that banished her to the kitchen 20 00:00:56,523 --> 00:00:58,317 because she?s not one of the groomsmen, dude. 21 00:00:58,341 --> 00:01:00,525 I could have her sit by the window and we could switch if you want, 22 00:01:00,549 --> 00:01:02,771 but she?s already got her ten steps in for the day. 23 00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,536 I don?t want her here at all. 24 00:01:04,561 --> 00:01:08,018 Have a heart, dude. She lost her best friend. Right, Mom? 25 00:01:09,205 --> 00:01:10,990 Yo. Hey, sorry I?m late, guys. 26 00:01:11,014 --> 00:01:13,552 I couldn?t get the stupid tie, so I just kinda went KFC with it. 27 00:01:13,576 --> 00:01:15,139 - Yeah, it?s a good look. - Goddamn it. 28 00:01:15,163 --> 00:01:17,116 You going with that? It?s not bad, right? 29 00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:19,169 - What are you holding? - Huh? Oh, it?s my mom. 30 00:01:19,377 --> 00:01:22,047 Yeah, I feel like we never really properly mourned her passing. 31 00:01:22,071 --> 00:01:24,974 So I thought maybe we could do something cool with her ashes at the wedding. 32 00:01:24,998 --> 00:01:27,434 No. No, we acknowledged this already, man. 33 00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:30,295 Remember the other day I was like, "Oh, your mom died." 34 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,634 And I gave you a little pat on the back, and I was like, "Aw." 35 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:35,141 And then I had a tear in my eye. 36 00:01:35,165 --> 00:01:38,135 - Yeah, well, I saw your onion, dude. - Yeah, well... 37 00:01:38,159 --> 00:01:40,583 You had the onion, kinda rubbed it on your eye, you know... 38 00:01:40,607 --> 00:01:42,743 - I knew what you were doing. - Sure, yeah, there was an onion. 39 00:01:42,767 --> 00:01:45,303 - There was an onion. - But I brought that for you, pal. 40 00:01:45,327 --> 00:01:47,964 - He said he was gonna bring it for you. - But it just cheapens it. 41 00:01:47,988 --> 00:01:50,765 I know, but do you think it?s easy to know when and when not to bring an onion? 42 00:01:50,789 --> 00:01:52,787 Do you have an onion on you right now? 43 00:01:52,811 --> 00:01:55,043 - No, because I didn?t know you were gonna... - I can smell the onion. 44 00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:57,477 - He has the onion. He does, he does. - Well, it?s good to have. 45 00:01:57,501 --> 00:02:00,346 Look, this is my chance to do something spectacular for my mom. 46 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,407 I mean, there?s gonna be news, there?s gonna be cameras, you know. 47 00:02:03,431 --> 00:02:07,402 No, no, but-but... Okay, but cameras being there is precisely why I don?t want you 48 00:02:07,426 --> 00:02:10,656 doing something spectacular with your dead mother?s remains, Charlie. 49 00:02:10,681 --> 00:02:13,442 I mean, come on, man. Plus, this is Frank?s big day. 50 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,369 - Right? Can we just focus on that? - Yeah. 51 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,638 - We should focus on him. - All right, all right. Yeah, yeah. 52 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:21,242 So no cold feet, you know? No, uh... fried chicken bow ties. 53 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,822 And for the love of God, I mean, last thing we need is for this wedding 54 00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:25,970 to come off as some kind of funeral. 55 00:02:27,322 --> 00:02:30,362 _ 56 00:02:30,386 --> 00:02:36,386 credits 57 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,740 Ugh, thank you, ladies, so much for helping me with this. 58 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,808 Mmm. So, the old hag has no friends? 59 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,811 Nope, and I?ll tell you why. She?s a con woman. 60 00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,906 Bitch told me she had chicken money, but guess what? 61 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,714 I was thinking that was, like, Perdue or Sanderson Farms. 62 00:03:02,739 --> 00:03:05,275 No, she was talking about rubber chickens. What? 63 00:03:05,299 --> 00:03:07,421 Everybody knows there?s no money in rubber chickens. 64 00:03:07,445 --> 00:03:10,130 She?s planning on bleeding Frank dry, and I?m not gonna have it. 65 00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:12,090 Okay, what does any of this have to do with us? 66 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,062 You guys are gonna help me stop this wedding. 67 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,242 - Done. - Yes! 68 00:03:16,266 --> 00:03:18,876 - That bitch is stealing my sidepiece. - She is. She?s trying. 69 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,469 - Oh. - When?s the stripper get here? 70 00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:23,859 There?s no strippers, Gail. 71 00:03:23,883 --> 00:03:26,057 - Then why are we doing this? - I just explained it. 72 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,071 - I?ll do it for your Vitamix. - What? 73 00:03:28,128 --> 00:03:31,000 There?s no reason I should help you, so I?ll do it for your blender. 74 00:03:31,025 --> 00:03:32,834 - Fine. - I?ll take the colander. 75 00:03:32,858 --> 00:03:35,591 You... What... What happened to you being a-a-a scorned lover? 76 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,518 I still need to strain spaghetti. 77 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,487 Oh, hey, do you have one of those, uh, bottle openers 78 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,414 that?s shaped like a woman?s vag? 79 00:03:42,438 --> 00:03:44,992 What are you... No, of course I don?t. That?s not a thing. 80 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,061 It should be. 81 00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:49,271 I?ll trade you a colander and a non-stick frying pan for the Vitamix. 82 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,065 - Goddamn it. Just-- - Deal. 83 00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:54,012 Put my stuff back, okay? Do not poach my entire kitchen. 84 00:03:54,036 --> 00:03:55,404 Knock that shit off. 85 00:03:55,428 --> 00:03:57,464 There she is! Happy wedding day! 86 00:03:57,488 --> 00:03:58,814 How are you feeling? 87 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,474 Well, it?s funny. 88 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:03,143 I didn?t sleep too good. I have a bad neck. 89 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,279 Oh, you think we should call off the wedding? 90 00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:07,481 Just kidding. Get on in here. Come on! 91 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,149 - Come on. - Okay, okay. 92 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,261 - Oh, my God, soups... - Come on. 93 00:04:12,579 --> 00:04:13,517 Soup this... 94 00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:16,758 Who are these women? 95 00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:19,019 These are your bridesmaids. 96 00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:21,178 These are your friends? 97 00:04:21,202 --> 00:04:22,294 Not really. 98 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,299 That dumb bitch. She?s always joking around. 99 00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:26,759 Yeah, these are my friends, 100 00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:29,423 and I thought it would be great for you to get a load of, 101 00:04:29,447 --> 00:04:32,648 the kind of people that you?ll be hanging out with once you marry Frank. 102 00:04:32,672 --> 00:04:34,441 - Oh. - So, let?s not waste any more time. 103 00:04:34,465 --> 00:04:36,501 We gotta get you into that wedding dress, huh? 104 00:04:36,525 --> 00:04:38,975 Get this party started. Okay. 105 00:04:38,999 --> 00:04:41,002 You put my shit back and don?t be bitches. 106 00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:43,317 Okay, now, I like this. 107 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,085 I think we?d get away with that. 108 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,221 What? Those look insane. 109 00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,788 Did you guys cut them? 110 00:04:48,812 --> 00:04:51,733 Yeah, it?s like a mini tie, right? Just make it like a little miniature tie. 111 00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,128 -You said cut the tie, so we cut... - I said tie the tie. 112 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,397 - I can?t feel my fingers. - Uh... really? 113 00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,765 Yeah. 114 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,833 Whoa. Guys, his hands are cold as ice. 115 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,273 Yeah, I... I think we better call off the wedding. 116 00:05:02,298 --> 00:05:03,579 I always listen to my body. 117 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:05,407 That?s true, dude. He always listens to his body. 118 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:07,416 Frank, you have never once listened to your body. 119 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,176 Look, buddy, you?re just cold, okay? 120 00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,045 Charlie, get him in a hot shower, warm him up. 121 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,647 Speaking of cutting things, what if I cut his shoes, right? 122 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,550 So his toes are hanging out, gets a little more circulation going. 123 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,154 Maybe I?ll even cut his shirt, like, to here, and then his belly can breathe. 124 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:23,757 Can we just keep things simple? Yeah? I mean, we?ve all got our roles here. 125 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,494 Let?s keep it simple, you know? 126 00:05:25,518 --> 00:05:29,189 Frank, you?re the, uh, aging groom with one last shot at love, you know? 127 00:05:29,213 --> 00:05:32,474 Charlie, you?re the best man who, uh, plays "Here Comes the Bride" 128 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,668 on the keyboards as we walk down the aisle, you know? 129 00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:36,945 Me walking Frank down the aisle. 130 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,607 Dee walking Sam, you know? Mac?s the gay woke priest who weds them. 131 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,343 What? No. Who... Who?s gay? No one?s gay. 132 00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,677 - No. - You?re gay. 133 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,080 - No! Me? I?m not gay. - What? 134 00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,582 - What are you talking about? - What is this guy talking about? 135 00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:52,086 My mom is right in the other room, so I just didn?t wanna... 136 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,552 I?m not gay. 137 00:05:54,247 --> 00:05:55,882 Have you not come out to your mom? 138 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,825 And come up with a whole new dance? 139 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,127 I don?t even know if the choreographer is available. 140 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,329 I have to come up with an entirely different repertoire. 141 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,164 No, you don?t. What are you talking about? 142 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,333 - Yeah... - No. No, no, no, no. 143 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,369 - Just... No... - See? You?ve upset her. 144 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,436 Mo-Mom, uh, what-what you?ve heard is completely untrue. 145 00:06:11,461 --> 00:06:13,040 Mac?s coming. He?s got something to tell you. 146 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,759 No, Mom. Mom. 147 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:17,873 Mommy, Mommy, whatever you just heard is completely untrue. 148 00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:21,016 What is that? 149 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,806 Oh, we?ve got problems. We?ve got huge problems. 150 00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:24,717 What is that? 151 00:06:24,741 --> 00:06:26,833 I?ll tell you what it?s not. It?s not my mom?s cigarettes, okay? 152 00:06:26,858 --> 00:06:29,631 I-I must have grabbed the wrong box at Uncle Jack?s. 153 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,759 I don?t know, but she is freaking out, man. 154 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:34,128 Okay, well, uh, why don?t you just go buy her some more smokes? 155 00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,764 No, I can?t... I can?t just go buy her some more smokes. 156 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,233 She smokes a-a discontinued brand from China. 157 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,402 You can?t afford that. Think of the tariffs. 158 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,070 - The tariffs alone! - Okay... 159 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,741 Guys, guys, bad news. His feet are still cold. 160 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,051 You didn?t take him out of the tux? 161 00:06:52,599 --> 00:06:55,397 Sam, these ladies were so sweet. They each got you a gift. 162 00:06:55,422 --> 00:06:57,151 - You?re kidding. - We did? 163 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,786 You sure did. Yeah. You probably just forgot. 164 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:02,194 Have you and Frank ever had sex in a Dollar Tree bathroom? 165 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:05,492 Well, we did it in a pond last night. 166 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,595 The one that forms near the Starbucks? 167 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:10,715 I never did that. Don?t care for standing water. 168 00:07:10,826 --> 00:07:12,758 Well, you?re missing out. 169 00:07:12,782 --> 00:07:15,084 Yeah, I did it in a waterfall once, 170 00:07:15,109 --> 00:07:16,786 but it turned out to be city runoff. 171 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,072 So random. 172 00:07:18,105 --> 00:07:20,107 Yeah, maybe a little too random. 173 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,109 Let?s stay on topic here, okay? 174 00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:24,211 So anyway, the theme of the gifts, 175 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:26,080 something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. 176 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,381 Blew deez nuts. 177 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,116 Thank you for that. Okay. 178 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,810 Uh, first gift is from Frank?s niece, Gail, 179 00:07:33,835 --> 00:07:36,071 a woman who we refer to as a snail. 180 00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:38,564 - Ha-ha. Yup-yup. - Interesting. 181 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:42,067 - Oh, uh, what am I looking at here, Snail? - Hmm? 182 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,131 Shit if I know. 183 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,048 Yeah. Okay. Of course you know. 184 00:07:46,073 --> 00:07:49,670 It?s something old. It?s an old photo of Frank and Gail. 185 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,305 - Mmm. - That, of course, 186 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,139 is before they started having sexual relations. 187 00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,076 -Wh-What? -Oh, yeah. 188 00:07:56,103 --> 00:07:58,940 Frank did a ton of real gross sex stuff 189 00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:01,582 with the daughter of his wife?s sister. 190 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,151 Just hand stuff. Pretty random. 191 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,863 Uh, moving on, this next gift is from The Waitress. 192 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:11,342 Oh, Waitress. Is that your name? 193 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:12,593 No, my name is-- 194 00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:15,116 Will you shut up and let her open her present? My God. 195 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:16,481 Well, look at that. 196 00:08:16,505 --> 00:08:18,332 What is this? This looks like it?s a... 197 00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,882 Oh. It?s a copy of a court summons for Frank. Okay. 198 00:08:20,907 --> 00:08:23,404 Oh, yeah, I?m suing the shit out of Frank. 199 00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,539 - Huh. - Oh, why? 200 00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,803 Oh, ?cause he owes me a Cybertruck. 201 00:08:27,828 --> 00:08:30,431 Oh, yes, I do remember that now. I do. 202 00:08:30,456 --> 00:08:33,681 The funny thing here is that that?s one of many legal snafus 203 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,515 that Frank is mixed up in. 204 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,740 I bet that?s disturbing and brand-new information for you. 205 00:08:37,765 --> 00:08:40,454 Anyway, uh-uh, the last gift is something borrowed, 206 00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,623 and it?s from Artemis. 207 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:46,060 Oh. Well, that is very nice. 208 00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:49,396 "Vaginal burning relief cream." 209 00:08:49,439 --> 00:08:52,926 Oh, you know, that is so kind of you to loan that to her, 210 00:08:52,951 --> 00:08:56,241 seeing as how she?s probably going to catch whatever it is that you had. 211 00:08:56,659 --> 00:08:57,760 - Probably. - Mmm. 212 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,408 - Ms. Dee. - Mm-hmm? 213 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,078 Could I just borrow you for a private word? 214 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,212 Absolutely. 215 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,181 We?ll rush right back. 216 00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:10,050 If you don?t want this cream, I?ll take it. 217 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,685 That bitch owes me oven mitts. 218 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,122 - I need plastic wrap. - See what else she has... 219 00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,477 Goddamn vultures, picking me dry. 220 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,491 What?s up? 221 00:09:24,049 --> 00:09:26,716 - I know what this is. - What are you talking about? 222 00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:30,219 Why are you trying to break up my wedding? 223 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,073 Okay, I?ll tell you exactly what this is about. 224 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,609 You know that chicken money you?ve been talking about? 225 00:09:36,282 --> 00:09:37,751 It?s rubber chickens. 226 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,933 You are trying to bleed Frank dry, 227 00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:42,329 and that means I would end up not having any money, 228 00:09:42,353 --> 00:09:44,451 and I?m not gonna let that happen. You got it? 229 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:50,905 You familiar with those yellow rubber chickens that have the red neckties? 230 00:09:50,929 --> 00:09:55,366 - Of course I am. I have like seven of ?em. - My father invented those, 231 00:09:55,392 --> 00:09:59,141 and I inherited his novelty gag fortune. 232 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:01,969 So, I?m a billionaire. 233 00:10:03,417 --> 00:10:04,676 Is that with a "B"? 234 00:10:05,432 --> 00:10:07,600 No other way to spell it. 235 00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:09,059 No, there?s not. 236 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:10,711 Oh. 237 00:10:11,348 --> 00:10:12,793 Know what, honey? 238 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:16,540 I like your moxie, and I never had kids of my own, 239 00:10:16,564 --> 00:10:19,367 so if you support me, 240 00:10:19,391 --> 00:10:22,464 I could make you a very wealthy woman. 241 00:10:22,947 --> 00:10:25,192 - Are you joking? - I-I?m not a big joker. 242 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,327 Well, okay. Wow. 243 00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:31,465 - Um, it?s a deal. - It?s a deal. 244 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:34,519 Yeah, well... Would you be willing to put that in writing? 245 00:10:34,544 --> 00:10:37,746 - Oh, I wouldn?t have it any other way. - Oh, God. I love you so much. 246 00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:41,160 Yeah. I?m gonna make a quick phone call. Oh, God. 247 00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:44,040 Where have you been? I haven?t seen you in a while. 248 00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:45,754 I?ve been doing stuff. It?s none of your business. 249 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:47,314 What do you mean it?s none of my business? 250 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,083 - He was with us. We had him. - Um, yeah. 251 00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:51,045 Okay, well, I just... I haven?t seen you. 252 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,206 I... Sometimes I like to use you. 253 00:10:53,231 --> 00:10:55,330 - Use me? You cocksucker. - Jack. 254 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:56,757 Um, what?s happening? 255 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,616 -Uh, why... -What is this? 256 00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,944 Why do you even have that thing, man? 257 00:11:00,969 --> 00:11:04,473 It?s a legal tool I use in mediations. 258 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,367 - No. - No, absolutely not. 259 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,469 That?s... No, I don?t believe that for a second. 260 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,794 Uh, sometimes people, I?ve found, are more comfortable talking 261 00:11:11,819 --> 00:11:14,152 to Sherman, or as Sherman. 262 00:11:14,176 --> 00:11:15,869 - Yeah, okay. - Okay. 263 00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:17,764 Uh, I?m just gonna move past it. Uh, Jack. 264 00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:21,838 Listen, I-I think that, uh, you should let Mac?s mom move back in. 265 00:11:21,862 --> 00:11:24,616 Okay. Uh, this is perfect. Let?s use the doll. 266 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,720 Why don?t you tell Sherman how you feel? 267 00:11:27,744 --> 00:11:29,423 - How I feel? - I?ll go. Yeah. 268 00:11:29,447 --> 00:11:30,681 No, Mac, don?t get distracted-- 269 00:11:30,705 --> 00:11:33,127 Sherman, I feel like my mother should be able to stay here. 270 00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,661 Even though she wasn?t on the lease, this is her home. 271 00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:39,511 Mac, that lady has as much charm as a wood chipper. 272 00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:41,435 She smokes, never flushes. 273 00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:44,589 I say good riddance! 274 00:11:44,613 --> 00:11:46,513 You can have her, ya fruit! 275 00:11:46,542 --> 00:11:48,656 I?m not a fruit, you little wooden fuck. 276 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,649 Give me the doll. Give me the goddamn doll. 277 00:11:50,673 --> 00:11:52,175 I-I?m doing it. I?m doing it. 278 00:11:52,199 --> 00:11:54,735 Don?t talk shit about my mother, all right? 279 00:11:54,759 --> 00:11:58,129 Uh, or my masculinity, because I am as straight as the... 280 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,681 straight as the... 281 00:12:02,093 --> 00:12:03,761 Rio Grande! 282 00:12:04,234 --> 00:12:05,714 Rio Grande? 283 00:12:05,738 --> 00:12:08,372 What-What are you talking about, Sherman? No, I... 284 00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:12,310 I like women, okay? I don?t even understand what you?re talking about. 285 00:12:12,334 --> 00:12:14,664 - Queer. - What? Why is he saying that? 286 00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:16,824 - Just tell her, Mac. - What? What? 287 00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,183 Tell your mom. 288 00:12:18,207 --> 00:12:19,390 There?s nothing to say. 289 00:12:19,414 --> 00:12:21,031 Tell your mom the goddamn truth. 290 00:12:21,055 --> 00:12:22,933 You don?t need to dance. You want me to dance? 291 00:12:22,957 --> 00:12:25,405 I?ll dance right fucking now. I?m gonna do a dance. 292 00:12:25,429 --> 00:12:27,341 - I?m gonna do a dance. - What are you doing? Mac. Stop! 293 00:12:27,365 --> 00:12:29,634 - Will you stop it? - Mommy, Mommy! 294 00:12:29,658 --> 00:12:32,345 - You are controlling the dummy. - I?m doing a dance. 295 00:12:32,369 --> 00:12:36,077 Okay, stop, everybody. Okay. We?re gonna try to stay on topic here. 296 00:12:36,101 --> 00:12:39,171 I think we can work something out, though. How about this? How about this? 297 00:12:39,195 --> 00:12:42,902 Why don?t we all pitch in and, uh, put her in a nursing home? 298 00:12:42,926 --> 00:12:44,112 Okay, I?d be up for that. 299 00:12:44,136 --> 00:12:45,934 - Hey, see? That works. - A nursing home? 300 00:12:45,958 --> 00:12:47,592 I don?t know. What do you think? 301 00:12:48,744 --> 00:12:52,248 What... What do you mean? Don?t ask him. You-You are controlling him. 302 00:12:53,471 --> 00:12:54,954 Oh. 303 00:12:54,978 --> 00:12:57,006 Oh! Uh-oh, boys. I gotta run. 304 00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,876 Hey, cigarettes are in the cabinet, okay? 305 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,507 - Oh, let me get the doll. - Don?t leave me to him! 306 00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:03,599 Oh, God. 307 00:13:03,623 --> 00:13:04,724 Please! 308 00:13:04,748 --> 00:13:06,384 Listen, we?ll take care of him. 309 00:13:06,408 --> 00:13:07,646 He?s done terrible things. 310 00:13:07,670 --> 00:13:09,680 We?ll bring him with us for a while. We might be able to use him. 311 00:13:09,704 --> 00:13:12,173 I?m not sure if you guys will be safe with him. 312 00:13:12,197 --> 00:13:15,351 Just go. We?ll-We?ll take care of him. I-I promise. We?re gonna be okay. 313 00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:17,711 All right. Sherman, don?t tell them anything I told you. 314 00:13:17,735 --> 00:13:19,036 What is happening? 315 00:13:19,945 --> 00:13:22,815 Okay, so I?ve drawn up the terms of the contract. 316 00:13:22,839 --> 00:13:24,613 Hey, sexy, take it off. 317 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,474 - Not a stripper, Snail. - Well, I-I could grind him. 318 00:13:27,498 --> 00:13:29,065 - That would be random. - Just ignore her. 319 00:13:29,089 --> 00:13:33,784 Right. Um, the document says that once Sam and Frank are married, 320 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,586 Dee is entitled to half her inheritance. 321 00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:39,567 That is, if the wedding happens. 322 00:13:39,591 --> 00:13:42,830 Yeah, yeah. Boom, boom. Lock it in, Mommy. You cool if I call you that? 323 00:13:43,112 --> 00:13:44,928 - Mmm. A little... Don?t push it. - Okay. 324 00:13:44,952 --> 00:13:48,089 So sign here and that bottom one, and then... 325 00:13:48,113 --> 00:13:50,616 Oh, this is fun. We?re gonna do thumbprints. 326 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,942 Ooh. I?m actually gonna skip the thumbprint part 327 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,162 because I don?t want black thumbs for the wedding 328 00:13:55,186 --> 00:13:57,055 and I don?t want to get it all over my dress. 329 00:13:57,079 --> 00:13:59,214 No, no, no, it comes right off. Look. Boom. 330 00:14:00,826 --> 00:14:02,928 - See? - Yeah. 331 00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:04,781 Wait, hold on. 332 00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:08,095 Get it, big boy. 333 00:14:08,384 --> 00:14:09,718 - Um... - It came off earlier. 334 00:14:10,193 --> 00:14:13,430 It?s not coming off and I also do see it on your shirt, so... 335 00:14:13,454 --> 00:14:15,608 Well, no, that?s ?cause of... That?s from earlier. 336 00:14:15,632 --> 00:14:19,252 You know, um, I wonder if you two could excuse me, 337 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:24,190 because my neck is really hurting and I?m feeling a little under the weather. 338 00:14:24,214 --> 00:14:27,072 So could I maybe lie down on your bed for a minute? 339 00:14:27,096 --> 00:14:29,358 - You wanna take a little rest? Let?s go. - Yes, I?ll rest. 340 00:14:29,382 --> 00:14:31,885 - Let?s do it, Mama. - Okay. We?ll do this when you come back. 341 00:14:31,909 --> 00:14:34,351 Yeah. Let?s get you all rested up for the big moment, okay? 342 00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:36,544 - The big moment. - The big moment. Okay. 343 00:14:36,568 --> 00:14:38,599 You take a load off, okay? 344 00:14:38,809 --> 00:14:40,070 I love you. 345 00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:42,806 - All right, you bitches gotta buzz off. - What? Why? 346 00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:44,948 Because this whole thing?s off. The wedding?s back on. 347 00:14:44,972 --> 00:14:47,980 I don?t mind switching gears, but it is gonna cost you. 348 00:14:48,004 --> 00:14:49,973 It already cost me. You took my entire kitchen. 349 00:14:49,997 --> 00:14:52,133 This is peanuts. If you?re getting a big payday, 350 00:14:52,157 --> 00:14:54,393 I want a cut of that or I?m gonna ruin the wedding. 351 00:14:54,417 --> 00:14:57,944 - Ooh, what she said. - Ah, shit. Oh, you guys are the worst. 352 00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,771 Fine, Uncle Jack, we?re gonna need a few more contracts drawn up. 353 00:15:00,795 --> 00:15:03,383 That was... That was too deep. 354 00:15:06,379 --> 00:15:07,946 Contracts. All right. 355 00:15:08,652 --> 00:15:11,071 ? Oh, she?s dead ? 356 00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:15,178 ? Take a good look ?Cause she?s gone ? 357 00:15:15,202 --> 00:15:19,689 ? Ain?t nothing left On the flesh and the bone ? 358 00:15:19,713 --> 00:15:23,676 ? So farewell and so long ? 359 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:30,574 ? There?s a dead woman In this room ? 360 00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:32,801 Then I?ll say, "Let?s have a nice wedding," or something. 361 00:15:32,825 --> 00:15:34,527 Oh, good. Yeah. What is happening? 362 00:15:34,551 --> 00:15:38,264 I called Chambray to see if she can warm me up, but it?s not working. 363 00:15:38,544 --> 00:15:40,027 I?m only getting colder. 364 00:15:40,051 --> 00:15:41,597 We got to stop the wedding. 365 00:15:41,621 --> 00:15:44,406 Whoa. Oh! Oh, Jesus, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on. 366 00:15:45,132 --> 00:15:46,448 Here you go, Mom. 367 00:15:46,472 --> 00:15:48,750 Guys, that was close. She almost broke the chain. 368 00:15:48,774 --> 00:15:50,167 She almost broke the chain. 369 00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:52,311 Listen, I?m having second thoughts 370 00:15:52,335 --> 00:15:53,770 I don?t think they?ll even let her smoke there. 371 00:15:53,794 --> 00:15:55,406 Let me play the song one more time. 372 00:15:55,430 --> 00:15:56,932 -No. Everybody stop. No, stop! -? She?s dead-- ? 373 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,726 Stop, stop. 374 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,176 Final trades until the closing bell, okay? 375 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,636 One nipple. One nipple. 376 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,696 Make sure you put the measuring spoon... 377 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,089 Measuring spoon. All right. Okay. Could you stop? Leave me alone. 378 00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:10,440 I want this! Rolling pin. Rolling pin for me. 379 00:16:10,464 --> 00:16:11,665 - Rolling pin. - So if you... 380 00:16:11,689 --> 00:16:13,669 Jack, the goddamn bell! 381 00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:15,495 - All right. And I want the bell. - The bell. 382 00:16:15,519 --> 00:16:17,922 - Okay. The bell. The bell. - Great, you get the bell! Good! 383 00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:20,682 Now, get your shit and get out of here, okay? Gonna go wake up the hag. 384 00:16:20,706 --> 00:16:22,809 She?ll sleep through the whole goddamn wedding. Jesus. 385 00:16:22,833 --> 00:16:24,908 We?re done. Can I... Let me have my clothes back. 386 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:32,124 Oh, sleeping beauty, it?s time to wake up. 387 00:16:33,165 --> 00:16:35,200 Sam. Mommy. 388 00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,412 Sa-Sam. 389 00:16:38,209 --> 00:16:39,376 Sam. 390 00:16:40,053 --> 00:16:41,854 Mama. Sam? 391 00:16:42,407 --> 00:16:43,575 Oh, shit. 392 00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:49,381 Are you sure she?s dead? 393 00:16:49,405 --> 00:16:52,295 Well, she hasn?t moved, breathed, or had a heartbeat in over an hour. 394 00:16:52,319 --> 00:16:54,102 Can a person survive that? 395 00:16:54,537 --> 00:16:56,172 -No, I don?t think they can. -No. 396 00:16:56,196 --> 00:16:57,498 What the hell happened? 397 00:16:57,522 --> 00:16:59,391 Nothing. I think just sometimes, uh, 398 00:16:59,415 --> 00:17:02,418 when you?re that age, you just die, you know? 399 00:17:02,442 --> 00:17:03,677 -Right. -God, this is terrible. 400 00:17:03,701 --> 00:17:05,603 I know, it?s-it?s so sad. 401 00:17:05,627 --> 00:17:07,062 No, I mean for me. 402 00:17:07,086 --> 00:17:08,992 - Apparently, she was loaded. - Mm-hmm. 403 00:17:09,016 --> 00:17:11,948 Do you know that there?s real money in rubber chickens if you get in early? 404 00:17:11,972 --> 00:17:13,573 What are you doing, looking for your onion? 405 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,852 Yeah, I guess I left it behind. 406 00:17:15,876 --> 00:17:17,111 Don?t do it for me. I don?t care. 407 00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:18,971 You know what the worst part is? 408 00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:22,527 I made a deal with her that I would get some of that money 409 00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:24,703 as long as she and Frank got married. 410 00:17:25,785 --> 00:17:27,936 Yeah, you know what? I have a confession to make. 411 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,198 I-I knew she was rich. 412 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,953 - You knew? - Yeah, I found out about a week ago. 413 00:17:30,977 --> 00:17:32,546 I actually had one of those drawn up, too. 414 00:17:32,570 --> 00:17:34,316 -You did? -Yeah, I sure did. 415 00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,009 - Uncle Jack? - Yeah. 416 00:17:36,033 --> 00:17:37,906 Ah, shit. Well, now we?re both screwed. 417 00:17:38,822 --> 00:17:41,591 Well, yeah, but-but only if they don?t get married, right? 418 00:17:43,254 --> 00:17:44,455 What does that mean? 419 00:17:45,517 --> 00:17:46,751 Dee, 420 00:17:47,302 --> 00:17:49,436 how much do you know about puppets? 421 00:17:52,515 --> 00:17:53,950 All right. You ready for this? 422 00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:55,823 I can?t feel anything. 423 00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:58,517 Okay, well, trust the strings. Here we go. 424 00:17:59,021 --> 00:18:00,546 Now? Oh, yeah. 425 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,556 Don?t play that song now. Goddamn it. 426 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,393 How you doin?? Hi. Good to see you. 427 00:18:08,417 --> 00:18:10,185 You good? How are you? 428 00:18:11,058 --> 00:18:12,625 Isn?t that something? 429 00:18:13,731 --> 00:18:15,471 He?s doing, like... It?s like a Frankenstein. 430 00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,062 Frank, you know? Frankenstein? 431 00:18:19,418 --> 00:18:21,471 Why don?t you stand right about there? 432 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,435 - Yeah. That?s good. - I?m gonna puke. 433 00:18:23,459 --> 00:18:26,195 Choke it down. Choke it the fuck down. 434 00:18:28,814 --> 00:18:31,384 - Charlie, play the song. - I played the song. 435 00:18:31,407 --> 00:18:32,676 Now, she?s coming down the aisle. 436 00:18:32,699 --> 00:18:33,856 I can play my song? 437 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,809 Yeah, okay, thanks, man. Yeah, cool. 438 00:18:36,659 --> 00:18:37,758 Just... 439 00:18:40,859 --> 00:18:42,294 ? She?s dead ? 440 00:18:43,394 --> 00:18:45,854 ? Take a good look ?Cause she?s gone ? 441 00:18:47,002 --> 00:18:50,509 ? Ain?t no one there There?s no flesh and no bone ? 442 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:52,897 ? She?s dead and she?s gone Goodbye, Mom ? 443 00:18:55,891 --> 00:18:57,526 ? Why am I the only one Who can see ? 444 00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,119 Go in a straight line. She?s so excited. 445 00:18:59,142 --> 00:19:01,379 ? There?s a dead woman Here in this room ? 446 00:19:02,430 --> 00:19:04,727 ? You?re all happy And wedding and such... ? 447 00:19:04,751 --> 00:19:07,788 This doesn?t seem like a wedding march. I don?t know... 448 00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:10,515 - ? ?Cause she?s dead ? - Ooh. 449 00:19:10,539 --> 00:19:12,675 ? Take a good look ?Cause she?s gone ? 450 00:19:12,699 --> 00:19:14,768 Oh, I love love so much. 451 00:19:14,792 --> 00:19:16,761 ? Ain?t no one there There?s no flesh and no bone ? 452 00:19:16,785 --> 00:19:19,294 ? She?s dead and she?s gone Goodbye, Mom ? 453 00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:24,701 ? She?s dead and gone ? 454 00:19:25,571 --> 00:19:28,465 -Ooh, you on fire, baby. -Sick! Thanks. 455 00:19:28,759 --> 00:19:30,461 - Okay. - Sam. 456 00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:34,805 - You look beautiful, Sam. - Yeah. 457 00:19:34,829 --> 00:19:36,531 Look at that. She?s speechless, Frank. 458 00:19:36,555 --> 00:19:40,091 - Why don?t we begin? - I got Sherman! 459 00:19:40,115 --> 00:19:41,886 Oh, no. No, no, no. 460 00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:45,142 Welcome, ladies and genitals. 461 00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:49,483 Mrs. Mac, do you know that your son... 462 00:19:50,639 --> 00:19:52,006 ...is gay? 463 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:57,195 No shit. 464 00:20:00,691 --> 00:20:01,925 Okay. Uh... 465 00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,106 - Are we... - Are we clapping or... 466 00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:08,725 -Nope. Let?s... Not for that. -No. No. 467 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,705 Mac, you wanna go ahead and marry these two? 468 00:20:10,729 --> 00:20:12,664 - That went better than I thought. - Did it? 469 00:20:12,688 --> 00:20:17,336 Uh, Frank, do you take this woman to be your bride? 470 00:20:18,744 --> 00:20:20,646 - I do. - Aw! 471 00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:22,506 - Oh, that?s good. That?s good. - That?s so sweet. 472 00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:26,319 Uh, and now, Sam, do you take Frank to be your husband? 473 00:20:27,921 --> 00:20:30,426 Look at that, a big ole emphatic yes. 474 00:20:30,450 --> 00:20:32,919 - Uh, she?s gotta say it. - She doesn?t have to say it. No. 475 00:20:32,943 --> 00:20:35,517 - I think she?s got to say it, right? - No, she... she said it. 476 00:20:35,541 --> 00:20:36,918 She indicated. She went... 477 00:20:36,942 --> 00:20:39,332 - That?s the universal head move for yes. - Yeah. 478 00:20:39,356 --> 00:20:41,332 Everybody knows what that means. 479 00:20:41,356 --> 00:20:42,657 I do. 480 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:44,734 -Oh! -Oh. Now she said it. 481 00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,550 - That was clearly Dee. - That was Dee. I saw her mouth move. 482 00:20:46,574 --> 00:20:48,343 Me? No. That?s... Why would it be me? 483 00:20:48,367 --> 00:20:50,469 I don?t want to marry Frank. Gross. 484 00:20:50,493 --> 00:20:52,362 Moving on, lock it up. 485 00:20:52,386 --> 00:20:53,721 Let?s keep this thing moving. They?re getting tired. 486 00:20:53,745 --> 00:20:56,315 Okay. Uh, by the power vested in me 487 00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:59,287 by the online class, you are man and wife. 488 00:20:59,311 --> 00:21:01,274 - Yes. - Yes! 489 00:21:01,298 --> 00:21:02,207 Yes! 490 00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:05,060 - Yes! They?re married. - They?re married, everybody. 491 00:21:05,084 --> 00:21:06,386 It?s official and legal. 492 00:21:06,604 --> 00:21:08,331 - That?s legal and official. - It?s legal and binding. 493 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:10,899 Do I kiss the bride now? 494 00:21:10,923 --> 00:21:12,892 - No! - No, what? No, just-just do that later. 495 00:21:12,916 --> 00:21:14,444 - I?ll kiss Sam. - That happens later. 496 00:21:14,468 --> 00:21:16,437 - Kiss her or it?s not real. - No, he doesn?t have to. 497 00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:18,564 You want a kiss, Sam? 498 00:21:18,588 --> 00:21:20,402 - No, thank you, Frank. - She said, "No." 499 00:21:20,426 --> 00:21:22,261 - There was no consent. - No means no. No means no. 500 00:21:22,285 --> 00:21:23,320 No means no! 501 00:21:28,993 --> 00:21:31,496 Tragedy struck at Paddy?s Pub yesterday 502 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,923 when a Golden Bachelor wedding turned into a real-life house of horrors. 503 00:21:40,885 --> 00:21:44,808 A flesh-eating bacteria chewed through the spinal cord of the bride 504 00:21:44,832 --> 00:21:47,000 while the groom barely survived the ordeal. 505 00:21:47,229 --> 00:21:49,698 - In other news... - Turn that thing off, will you? 506 00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:52,559 I?m really sorry about Sam, Frank. 507 00:21:52,582 --> 00:21:54,852 But hey, look on the bright side, at least you survived. 508 00:21:54,876 --> 00:21:58,592 You may want to avoid having sex in, uh, stagnant water in the future, though. 509 00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,716 - Yeah. - Yeah, that?s a general rule. 510 00:22:00,740 --> 00:22:02,843 - If you see a puddle form, don?t go... - Go away from it. 511 00:22:02,867 --> 00:22:04,759 - ...banging in it. - Don?t use it for sex. 512 00:22:04,783 --> 00:22:06,160 Yeah, Arty was right on that one. 513 00:22:06,189 --> 00:22:07,983 - Yeah. Yeah. - Guess so. 514 00:22:08,008 --> 00:22:16,008 credits