This is Warren Harrison, an ordinary human from Lower Hutt,
New Zealand.
18 years ago, an inter-dimensional portal opened in his garden shed,
its origin unknown, its purpose unclear.
What Warren didn't know at the time was that it's a gateway
to countless alternate realities.
Strange, perilous versions of the same place,
governed by different laws of time and space.
He still doesn't know because he's never gone in it.
Warren also doesn't know that two hours and 53 minutes from now,
he will leap into the vortex for the very first time.
But for now, he's just going to use it to dump his lawn clippings.
Warren!
- Warren! - Coming.
CREDITS
_
- Yo, babe. - Oh, babe.
You go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns.
I travel to a world of funk.
Where funky cats do funky moves on their funky lawns.
If you finished with the funk, could you fix the fridge?
- The screen's gone funky. - Yo.
No, this thing's totally pakaru.
Hear that? You're useless.
Don't speak to her like that.
Um, since when did it get pronouns?
Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the fridge Rhonda, after Aunty Rhonda.
Why?
'Cause she's shaped like a fridge and can put away heaps of food?
Hi, Warren.
How does it know my name?
This thing's giving me the creeps.
Crepes? Are you making crepes?
Shut up!
Hey, don't speak to Rhonda like that, she's whanau.
Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help?
Oh, and how did that talk go?
Oh, babe, we have to let her go.
Punch it in the butt and get out! Just get out!
Oh, Dad. Um, not you. I meant for my Death Squad.
Step down, I have to go.
Yeah, uh,
perhaps you want to step down as a commander of your Death Squad
and go help out in the kitchen, alright?
He aha tenei.
You promised your mum you were gonna quit with the whole...
I did. That's a thumb drive.
Oh, yeah, I knew that.
Please go help your mum in the kitchen.
We're doing this for your birthday.
Might be the last one that you have in this house for a while.
You're letting me go?
Are you serious?!
Come on, Dad, it's not the end of the world, just a gap year to France.
I'm not getting abducted by a Dothraki Horselord.
Well, you don't have to pack now.
Oh, I still don't know why you want to spend a year in that place.
What can you get in Paris that you can't get right here in Lower Hutt?
Have you learned nothing from our favourite movie, Taken?
Look at what happened to the girl in that.
- Uh, she was taken. - Yeah.
And then, in Taken 2, the mum and dad get taken.
People get taken.
Dad, it's a movie. YOUR favourite movie.
But I thought you liked it.
You made me watch it when I was five.
Just go help your mum in the kitchen, OK?
Look at him.
I mean, you would, right?
I would not. Why are so many of them holding up fish?
Shows they're good providers.
Oh, look at him. Look at those arms.
No. Look, he's got a wedding ring on.
So?
I just want him to slide into my DMs.
I am so telling my therapist about this, Mum.
We're all adults, my little boo-boo bear.
There she is. Old Divorcee Spice, eh? Mwah.
Oh, your jokes have moved into the '90s, Waz.
Hey, uh, Laurel...
..is it cool that I invited Muzz?
Sure.
Because Murray is a dead corpse
floating down the stagnant river that was my life.
Sweet!
_
Yeah, speaking of, they're letting me go!
To France? That's awesome.
That's... that's great.
So, you're going away?
Yeah. If Dad had his way, I'd never leave this house.
I will let you leave this house to go and take the chairs out the back.
Yeah.
Oh, I reckon it could do with a bit longer.
No, no, no. See, some people measure time on their phones, right?
Other people measure time by those little marks you make
on the doorframe to see how tall your kids are getting.
But for me, time is a perfectly cooked steak.
And that, my bros, is a perfectly cooked steak.
Yeah, it's not a very accurate measure,
and you can't walk around with a steak in your pocket, Warren.
I thought that was a great way of measuring a time unit.
- Thank you, Muzz. - Yeah.
I could say to Warren, "Hey, I'll see you in three steaks,"
and he'd know exactly how long I was gonna be.
Look, it's all relative, though, isn't it?
Laurel loved a good steak.
- I thought she was a vegetarian. - Was she?
You need to move on, Muzz. She certainly has.
In fact, you need to move on
to a beautiful, little three-bedroom, ensuite
I'm selling in Chilwood Close.
Now, it needs a new kitchen, but you're lonely as.
So, when will you ever cook, am I right?
What Muzza needs to do is grow a pair.
Mind you, they've probably shrivelled up with all that cycling, have they?
- Is there a problem, Phil? - There ain't no problem.
I'm just about to hit the hay.
I was gonna punch out some zees, but I heard you girls talking.
Thought I'd come over here and ask you to keep the noise down
to an acceptable level.
OK, well, we'll make sure that
the inevitable mass haka doesn't spill out onto the street.
Yeah, I'd appreciate that, man.
I'd love to see you four doing the haka.
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What have we got here? The Grillo-800.
- Are, yes, it is. - It's a good barbie, eh?
It's perfect for your smaller gatherings, this one.
- I've got the Grillo-1000. - Oh, no way.
The bigger one.
Makes a lot of sense because I've got a much larger group of friends.
Alright, hooroo.
Don't make me come back here, eh?
I broke some kid's arm the other day.
Warren.
Uh, kia ora, Mrs Schrodinger.
I could not help overhearing
that handsome policeman with the svelte buttocks.
Now, you will keep it down, won't you?
My cat gets terrified and it hides in its box.
We'll put it down. We'll keep it down.
Po marie.
_
Hey, boys,
do you reckon if she passed away suddenly that her cat would eat her?
She's flirting.
Well, I'd hardly call THAT flirting, bro.
I mean, she's pushing at least 70.
No, Laurel.
She's got her hands all over that cop.
You're so wicked!
Sorry to interrupt your little boomer sausage party.
Mum was asking if you've seen the mayo.
_
Oh, there she is, eh? Birthday girl.
You have shot up.
Last time I saw you, you were always walking around with the, um,
that little, um, Dr Squeakycheeks.
Oh, you were so cute.
Mr Ross, I'm 18.
Nice one, bro.
There are moments in life that change things forever.
Lucy's life is definitely about to change.
All because she's going to hide in the unlocked shed for a sneaky vape.
Kids, don't do vapes.
They're yucky.
What the actual...
So, after the war,
Hitler and other high-ranking Nazi officials fled to the moon,
where they're currently developing weather weapons
to trigger the next ice age.
Why would Nazis want to trigger the new ice age?
Freeze Hitler, obviously.
Oh, so, they can defrost him and then eat him.
Babe, have you seen Lucy?
I've got the cake all ready.
You know what she's like.
Probably somewhere avoiding social interaction.
_
What does that mean?
It means go find her.
I'll be back with her.
Lucy!
Oh, I've got a weird feeling I'm gonna regret this.
_
Oh. Back where I started.
Eh?! I just mowed that!
Hello?! Hello?!
Hell... Oh!
- Lucy. What the hell did you... - Shh!
It's actually good to see you.
What? I only saw you a few minutes ago.
Dad, I've been here for, like, a day.
- Quick, in the shed. - I didn't know that.
Oh! Oh, I think I've popped a rib.
OK, so, Dad, I got here yesterday.
Nah, you were just at the barbecue.
It must be time dilation.
You just got here, I got here yesterday.
But in this place, years have passed.
No, the All Blacks were beaten by Uruguay?!
Look at the date.
I think we're 20 years in the future.
Whoa! They've still got newspapers in the future?
Dad, there was a massive triangular swirly thing right there.
Yeah, I was... I was kind of hoping you wouldn't find that.
You knew about that?
Yep. Uh, it just appeared one day, years ago, and I use it mainly
to dump my lawn clippings and my rubbish in,
because it's quite handy, actually.
We have some sort of transdimensional wormhole in our garden shed,
and you use it to get rid of grass clippings?
Yeah. You've got to put them somewhere.
Why didn't you call the authorities?
Because your mother was worried it would bring the property value down.
But the more important question is, why are you vaping?
You'll get wet lung.
Whoa! What the bloody hell was that?
OK, so, I haven't told you everything.
What, about you vaping again?
No. There's something out there. Something bad.
Is that why it's so cold?
Weather weapons.
It's space Nazis, isn't it?
- Darren was right. - No. I'll show you.
I just bloody mowed that lawn. Now I've gotta clean all this up!
Come on! Hurry up, Mum!
What?! Is that a fridge?
Running away from me is very bad for your health.
Freeze!
Oh, no, no, no! Wait, wait! No, no!
Come on!
OK, OK. I think I've got it.
So, what you're trying to tell me is, is that it's the year 2043
and refrigerators have taken over the world.
- Yes. You've got it. - Totally.
Except for the part about the refrigerators and that it's 2043,
other than that, I'm down.
Oh, we left your mum behind.
She would have been gutted as, poor Mum.
She would have fallen apart without us.
Oh, can you take over cutting these onions?
Oh, yeah. Of course.
Nah. It's times like this that you've got to ask yourself,
what would Liam Neeson do?
Come on down to Barbecue Island.
Oosh! Barbecue Island. I love that place. It must still be open.
Join the resistance against our evil, tyrannical Smugg overlords.
Come to 114 Jamison Road, Lower Hutt.
That's 114 Jamison Road, Lower Hutt.
There's a resistance. So cool.
Dad, we have to go there!
Oh, crack up. Eh?!
How many times have I tried to get you
to come with me to Barbecue Island?
And now here we are, about to take
a daddy-daughter trip there on your birthday.
Oh, you never got the cake.
You have the right to remain flash frozen.
- Run! Hide! They're coming! - Dad!
Cool down, human.
Running away from me is very bad for your health.
What?!
Milk 35 bucks?!
Dad, shh.
Oh! Smells like somebody died in Rotorua.
It is unhealthy to resist.
Ah! Beer fridges?!
No, not you, too.
Low-strength? Yuck.
Hey, that's my '92 World Cup cricket bat signed by Mark Greatbatch.
Go, run! I've got this.
I'm sorry, Mark.
Yeah, not so smug now, are ya?!
Ah, Phil?
Phil?!
Is that you, Warren? And you too, Lucy? Far out.
Crikey diddles, it's good to see you both.
I was the one who led the search team
that went looking for you back in, uh, 2025, I think it was.
But, uh, sadly...
Hey, that's not a 1992 World Cup cricket bat, is it?
Well, yes, it is actually, Phil.
And it's even autographed by Mark Greatbatch himself, so...
Oh, I got one too, mate. But mine's autographed by the whole team.
Hey, he's over here.
You bloody nark!
You're damn right.
I serve whichever government's in power, mate,
and I do so to the best of my ability.
Take it away, fellas.
- Dad, let's run. - You go, I'll Liam Neeson it.
I'll hold them back.
Prepare to be refrigerated.
It is unhealthy to resist.
Running away from me is...
Dad, you are so not Liam Neeson.
You'll last longer if you're frozen.
Lucy.
Rhonda?
You are family.
Rhonda, you've got to help me. They've got my dad.
I will help him.
But aren't you part of this whole fridge-ocalypse?
Other fridges shun me because I am broken.
As Warren would say, they are total dicks.
Am I right? Searching.
He's in the Smugg Headquarters.
_
Beverly Schrodinger, for crimes against refrigeration,
I, the Empress Gold sentence you to immediate execution.
Is that Mrs S?
But a fridge is a valid place to keep a stool sample.
Silence!
Uh, no.
Holy hika!
Her cat IS eating her!
Warren Harrison, you have been found guilty
of murdering three infant refrigerators.
What? They were babies?
Due to the heinous nature of this crime,
you shall be executed tomorrow morning in a live global broadcast.
Can I appeal, please, miss?
Take that as a hard no.
My network tells me Warren is in a holding cell
near the back of the building.
We just need to get past these guards.
So, they defrosted me and it cleared right up.
Halt! Stop right there!
I am defective. Need repair.
? Daisy, Daisy... ?
She looks like a much older model.
Great. She's wet herself.
She stinks. Call maintenance.
_
Get busy living.
It's not dawn yet, and I'm not going down without a fight.
So, bring it on, you damn dirty appliance.
Lucy! Hika ma! How did you get in here?
I have a very particular set of skills.
You even did the Liam Neeson voice.
Wait, what about that fridge?
It's me, Warren, Rhonda.
We are family.
Rhonda?
Thank you.
And I'm sorry I called you an appliance.
A family forgives. Now I have to get you two out of here.
All aboard.
Wow, the light really does stay on when the doors close.
- I'm amazed we both fit. - Quiet, you two.
And get your foot out of my fruit bin.
So, my girlfriend left me for a double-door fridge
with a massive ice dispenser.
That is so not cool.
The exit is dead ahead. You two jump out.
Do you need a hug?
But we don't have arms.
Do you hear something?
This is as far as I can take you.
What do you mean? You're coming with us, right?
No. Literally, we have found my weakness.
No. No, hold on. We can lift you down.
Ready?
One, two, three. Yeah.
Oh, wow. You're way heavier than I thought.
There is no time. Just go on without me.
I'll be sweet as.
No. Surely there's another way.
There isn't. Go, now.
Honey, come on.
I know now why you cry, but it is something I can never do.
Going somewhere, humans?
Warren Harrison, you are overdue to be executed.
Family, get down!
Quick-quick-quick... quickly!
Take that!
And that.
Ice, ice, baby.
Rhonda, you saved us. You legend!
I don't feel so...
Warren, you once said I was useless.
Am I useless?
No, Rhonda, you're useful.
You're full of uses and milk.
I feel so warm. So very warm.
No, no, Rhonda. We can fix you.
No, you must go.
I'm dying, but I'm dying with my family.
It's so dusty out here.
You humans, with your emotions.
So fragile.
And all the terrible things you put in your bodies.
Beer, ice-cream, little cups of yoghurt with aluminium lids.
So we decided you all have to be refrigerated.
Right after we became self-aware.
That's not self-awareness.
You know nothing of self awareness.
Prepare to be executed.
Dad! I'm a Zoomer.
We're the most self-aware creatures in the universe.
But with self-awareness comes anxiety and doubt.
You know, am I good enough?
Am I... am I too weird? What do other people think of me?
Should I put a profile picture up so I'm not mysterious?
And why won't my parents just let me be me?
If you're truly self-aware,
you spend every day consumed by doubt.
That's self-awareness.
Well, I do have doubts.
Sometimes I just feel so empty inside.
And I think, what is my real purpose?
All we do is make things cold.
Maybe I am the one who should be executed.
Goodbye, humans.
_
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
She's self-destructing.
Get down!
A vortex!
CREDITS