1 00:00:04,735 --> 00:00:06,954 _ 2 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,023 Bye! Thank you! 3 00:00:09,025 --> 00:00:10,201 Of course we'll be back. 4 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:11,692 Now, listen, I don't want to make 5 00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:13,261 too much of an overstatement here, but I think 6 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,429 we're the smartest people on the planet. 7 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,516 I have not felt this smart since 8 00:00:15,541 --> 00:00:17,532 I cheated off of Vijay Patel on the SATs. 9 00:00:17,534 --> 00:00:19,333 - Nice. - I mean, look at all this cash 10 00:00:19,335 --> 00:00:21,402 we just made from returning our wedding gifts. 11 00:00:21,404 --> 00:00:23,305 We didn't need any of that stuff in the first place. 12 00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:24,696 I-I blame the scanning gun. 13 00:00:24,721 --> 00:00:26,121 I went, like, full Charlie's Angels with that thing. 14 00:00:26,376 --> 00:00:27,604 Now, instead of having a bunch of stuff, 15 00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,320 we have a bunch of money. 16 00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:30,587 What do you want to do with it? 17 00:00:30,589 --> 00:00:32,323 I don't know. Buy a bunch of stuff? 18 00:00:32,325 --> 00:00:33,857 Oh, God, you're so smart. 19 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,426 Oh, God, you are such a genius. 20 00:00:35,428 --> 00:00:36,427 Come here, come here, come here. 21 00:00:36,429 --> 00:00:37,628 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 22 00:00:41,938 --> 00:00:43,300 This is great, Mom. 23 00:00:43,302 --> 00:00:44,219 The best. 24 00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:46,370 You two are so full of energy. 25 00:00:46,782 --> 00:00:48,100 Was it a sex morning? 26 00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:50,140 That always gives me such a lift. 27 00:00:50,142 --> 00:00:51,675 Oh, well, thank you for checking in, 28 00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:53,544 but, no, we're just riding high on married life. 29 00:00:53,546 --> 00:00:55,012 - We love married life. - Yeah. 30 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,847 Speaking of your wedding, 31 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,550 have you two enjoyed your new waffle maker? 32 00:00:59,552 --> 00:01:01,051 Oh. 33 00:01:01,053 --> 00:01:02,786 The one we got off your registry? 34 00:01:02,788 --> 00:01:05,956 Well, we haven't tried it yet, but we are very excited. 35 00:01:05,958 --> 00:01:07,257 Yeah, we're just, you know, 36 00:01:07,259 --> 00:01:08,525 waiting for a special occasion 37 00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,060 to break that Belgian bad boy open. 38 00:01:10,062 --> 00:01:11,628 How about tomorrow? 39 00:01:12,863 --> 00:01:14,732 We could have a waffle party. 40 00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:18,435 Yeah, it's like a sausage party with less dudes. 41 00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:19,770 Sounds great. We're in. 42 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,373 Great. 43 00:01:22,375 --> 00:01:27,311 You guys make the waffles and the coffee and blueberries 44 00:01:27,313 --> 00:01:29,446 and whipped cream and syrup, 45 00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:31,815 and we'll just show up. 46 00:01:31,817 --> 00:01:33,150 Yeah. Seems fair. 47 00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:34,885 Okay. Yeah. 48 00:01:36,088 --> 00:01:37,755 Come on, hurry up; they're gonna be here any second. 49 00:01:37,757 --> 00:01:39,023 Okay. W-W-Wait. What, what? 50 00:01:39,025 --> 00:01:40,357 We have to make it look like we actually cooked these. 51 00:01:40,359 --> 00:01:42,292 Okay. Uh... 52 00:01:42,294 --> 00:01:45,963 Well, that's not helping, and we don't have time. 53 00:01:45,965 --> 00:01:47,664 Oh, oh, oh, I can Sharpie on grill marks. 54 00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:49,033 We're here! 55 00:01:49,035 --> 00:01:50,434 Are you cursing us yet 56 00:01:50,436 --> 00:01:52,669 for all the work it takes to host a brunch? 57 00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:55,572 Whoa, something smells good. 58 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,774 - Oh. - Mmm. 59 00:01:56,776 --> 00:01:58,208 I think. I really haven't 60 00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:00,210 been able to smell much since the '70s. 61 00:02:00,212 --> 00:02:01,645 Right. 62 00:02:01,647 --> 00:02:02,880 Oh, don't those look delicious. 63 00:02:02,882 --> 00:02:05,549 They're so fluffy, like your hair. 64 00:02:05,551 --> 00:02:07,017 Oh. 65 00:02:07,019 --> 00:02:08,852 How did you like the waffle maker? 66 00:02:08,854 --> 00:02:10,954 It was great. 67 00:02:13,459 --> 00:02:14,525 And? 68 00:02:15,030 --> 00:02:17,895 Made waffles, as advertised. 69 00:02:17,897 --> 00:02:19,797 Nothing else you want to say? 70 00:02:19,799 --> 00:02:20,998 About what? 71 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,499 About the cash. 72 00:02:22,501 --> 00:02:24,535 What cash? 73 00:02:24,537 --> 00:02:26,683 That was your real gift. 74 00:02:26,708 --> 00:02:29,506 We stuffed the box with cash. 75 00:02:29,508 --> 00:02:31,175 A big wad of cash. 76 00:02:31,177 --> 00:02:33,377 Mom, we returned that waffle maker. 77 00:02:33,379 --> 00:02:34,344 Mm-hmm. 78 00:02:34,346 --> 00:02:35,199 Why? 79 00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:36,814 For the cash. 80 00:02:36,816 --> 00:02:38,095 I told you we should've hid it 81 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,384 in a tampon box; nobody returns those. 82 00:02:40,386 --> 00:02:42,653 I'm not having this discussion again. 83 00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:45,456 Why didn't you just give us cash in a card like normal people? 84 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:48,792 You probably would've returned that, too, you cheap bastards. 85 00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,327 It's got to be here somewhere. 86 00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:52,522 It has a dent in it from where I kicked it in disbelief 87 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:55,348 that your parents gave us such a cheap wedding present. 88 00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:57,784 Don't you dare bring up my rage issues right now. 89 00:02:57,786 --> 00:03:00,120 I just don't understand. We literally just returned it. 90 00:03:00,122 --> 00:03:01,981 Stop complaining, keep looking. 91 00:03:02,006 --> 00:03:03,423 Oh, now you have advice? 92 00:03:03,425 --> 00:03:05,091 After you returned everything before opening it? 93 00:03:05,093 --> 00:03:07,127 Who knows how much cash could've been in any of those things? 94 00:03:07,129 --> 00:03:08,728 My family does stupid stuff like this all the time. 95 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,996 Oh, don't get me started. 96 00:03:09,998 --> 00:03:11,598 I know all about your dumb family. 97 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,066 You know what? You're right, we should just 98 00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,935 be happy with the presents that your family gave us. 99 00:03:14,937 --> 00:03:16,467 Wait a minute, they didn't give us any, unless of course 100 00:03:16,492 --> 00:03:18,305 you count your mother's stupid shamanic blessing. 101 00:03:18,307 --> 00:03:19,748 We both cried. 102 00:03:20,162 --> 00:03:22,352 Keep opening boxes. 103 00:03:22,959 --> 00:03:26,246 Mmm. All this talk of waffles got me in the mood. 104 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,381 I didn't know we had a waffle maker. 105 00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:30,951 Well, they were on sale when I bought it for Matt and Colleen, 106 00:03:30,953 --> 00:03:32,085 so I got two. 107 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,219 Oh! 108 00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:35,741 Uh-oh. 109 00:03:35,766 --> 00:03:36,723 No. 110 00:03:36,725 --> 00:03:38,458 I gave them the wrong box. 111 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:39,693 We didn't do that. 112 00:03:39,695 --> 00:03:41,661 They're gonna get a kick out of this. 113 00:03:48,146 --> 00:03:51,204 You can't open all those, unless you plan on buying them. 114 00:03:51,206 --> 00:03:52,472 Well, fine, we'll buy them. 115 00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:53,907 - Yeah. - We'll buy all of them. 116 00:03:53,909 --> 00:03:56,977 Yeah, in cash, once we find it. 117 00:03:59,894 --> 00:04:01,625 _ 118 00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:03,683 Reach up, inhale. 119 00:04:05,909 --> 00:04:07,863 Oh... 120 00:04:07,888 --> 00:04:09,356 Could you keep your groaning down? 121 00:04:09,358 --> 00:04:10,890 I'm trying to mope here. 122 00:04:10,892 --> 00:04:12,726 I didn't even see you. What are you doing here? 123 00:04:12,728 --> 00:04:14,627 Clementine has a date at our house. 124 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,829 - Oh. - They said I could stay, 125 00:04:15,831 --> 00:04:17,397 but I found him pretty pedestrian. 126 00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:19,599 So, I snuck out while they were in the shower. 127 00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:21,468 Oh, honey. 128 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,237 Your living arrangement is a bummer. 129 00:04:24,239 --> 00:04:26,219 Why don't you hang out with your friends? 130 00:04:26,244 --> 00:04:27,351 No, now that they're in college, 131 00:04:27,376 --> 00:04:28,775 all they want to talk about is partying. 132 00:04:28,777 --> 00:04:29,843 Oh, yeah. 133 00:04:29,845 --> 00:04:31,125 - It's so boring. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:04:31,150 --> 00:04:32,645 They don't understand the complexities 135 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,047 of being a divorced homeowner. 136 00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,281 Mm, yeah. 137 00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:36,983 Well, who needs them? 138 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,319 You know what? I'll be your friend. 139 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:40,453 And... 140 00:04:40,455 --> 00:04:42,555 I will make you a PB and J. 141 00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:45,353 Hmm? It's like I'm your friend with benefits. 142 00:04:45,915 --> 00:04:47,460 You can't be friends with your mom. 143 00:04:47,462 --> 00:04:48,995 Oh, come on, sure you can. 144 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,765 We could just hang out and watch Netflix and chill. 145 00:04:51,767 --> 00:04:53,433 You really don't get it. 146 00:04:53,435 --> 00:04:55,268 Okay, come on, Tyler, give me a chance. 147 00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:56,636 Okay? I'm fun. 148 00:04:56,638 --> 00:04:58,605 Put your nice jeans on, we'll go to the mall. 149 00:04:58,607 --> 00:05:01,908 Clementine is wearing our nice jeans... or was. 150 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:05,689 Well, you clean up real nice, pal. 151 00:05:05,714 --> 00:05:06,946 You know, friends don't hit each other 152 00:05:06,948 --> 00:05:08,681 as much as you think they do. 153 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:11,010 Okay, fine. I'm taking a mental note. 154 00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:13,564 No hitting. No cleaning your face with my spit. 155 00:05:13,589 --> 00:05:15,555 - No. - No asking if you have to tinkle. 156 00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:17,891 That's a good start. Ready to go home? 157 00:05:17,893 --> 00:05:19,392 Why? Do you have to tinkle? 158 00:05:19,394 --> 00:05:20,994 No. 159 00:05:20,996 --> 00:05:24,164 Good. 'Cause we have the whole day together, huh? 160 00:05:24,166 --> 00:05:25,265 The whole day? 161 00:05:25,267 --> 00:05:27,104 Yeah, it's gonna be fun! 162 00:05:27,129 --> 00:05:28,328 Ow. 163 00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:33,540 Ooh! Fun hair stuff. 164 00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,141 Oh, Mom. 165 00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:37,877 Have you ever dreamt of having straight hair? 166 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,579 Oh, I have, yes. 167 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:43,191 But, Tyler, have you ever dreamt of having straight hair? 168 00:05:43,216 --> 00:05:46,019 Well, I mean, not this week, but of course. 169 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:48,421 This week, it's mostly been nightmares about my divorce. 170 00:05:48,423 --> 00:05:51,024 When I get divorced, nothing makes me feel better 171 00:05:51,026 --> 00:05:53,226 than long, straight, silky hair. 172 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,595 Let me show you. 173 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:55,728 Sorry, I would love to, 174 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,831 but I'm actually saving up for a new place. 175 00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,666 Oh, honey, come on, listen. 176 00:05:59,668 --> 00:06:02,836 If changing your look makes you feel better, then this is on me. 177 00:06:02,838 --> 00:06:05,425 Okay... well, actually, it's on whoever 178 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,183 left their money in the ATM. 179 00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:11,744 Hey, you know what I think we should do next? 180 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,979 Dye your hair. 181 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:14,547 I'm thinking not red. 182 00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:16,382 Maybe one glass at a time, Mom. 183 00:06:16,384 --> 00:06:17,919 Oh, honey. 184 00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,796 These are not both for me. 185 00:06:20,192 --> 00:06:21,254 - Wait, really? - Yeah. 186 00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,789 But I'm not 21 for another two weeks. 187 00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:25,425 Well, that sounds like a concern for a mom 188 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:28,061 and not a friend with rad hair. 189 00:06:28,063 --> 00:06:29,980 - Thanks. - Here's that third 190 00:06:30,005 --> 00:06:31,471 glass of wine you said you couldn't carry. 191 00:06:31,496 --> 00:06:32,499 - Thank you. - There it is. 192 00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:35,456 - That goes right here. - Tyler? Is that you? 193 00:06:35,497 --> 00:06:36,540 Nice hair, dude. 194 00:06:36,565 --> 00:06:38,384 You look like a Sesame Street character. 195 00:06:39,278 --> 00:06:41,007 Hey, what are you laughing at, Gabe? 196 00:06:41,009 --> 00:06:42,475 I know how long you breast-fed for. 197 00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:44,210 Most kids don't do that standing up. 198 00:06:44,235 --> 00:06:46,162 Ooh. 199 00:06:46,576 --> 00:06:47,848 We're gonna be late to the movie, 200 00:06:47,873 --> 00:06:48,848 but it was great to see you, man. 201 00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:51,271 - All right. - Bye, Mrs. Hughes. 202 00:06:51,646 --> 00:06:53,753 You can totally go with them if you want to. 203 00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:56,189 No, I'd much rather hang out with you. 204 00:06:56,191 --> 00:06:58,006 - Really? - Yeah. 205 00:06:58,031 --> 00:07:00,059 That's what friends are for, right? 206 00:07:00,389 --> 00:07:01,528 Oh, yay! 207 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,861 - All right, we're hitting again! - Ow! 208 00:07:06,197 --> 00:07:07,934 So what's Permission Denied about? 209 00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:10,136 I don't know, but PositiveReviews.com 210 00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,572 calls it a winner. 211 00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,072 Oh. I love PositiveReviews.com. 212 00:07:13,074 --> 00:07:14,374 Me, too. 213 00:07:14,376 --> 00:07:15,742 Take a look around. 214 00:07:15,744 --> 00:07:17,644 From chains to whips, 215 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,286 everything in this room can bring you 216 00:07:20,311 --> 00:07:22,841 both pleasure and pain. 217 00:07:22,866 --> 00:07:24,622 But you must choose. 218 00:07:24,647 --> 00:07:27,353 I choose... 219 00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,653 Oh, God. you. 220 00:07:29,678 --> 00:07:31,940 Permission. 221 00:07:31,965 --> 00:07:33,098 Permission. 222 00:07:33,123 --> 00:07:34,093 Okay, that's... 223 00:07:34,095 --> 00:07:35,351 - Oh! - Oh. 224 00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:36,711 Mother, may I? 225 00:07:36,736 --> 00:07:38,477 What? God, that is his mother? 226 00:07:38,502 --> 00:07:40,101 Permission. 227 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:41,595 I'm so sorry. 228 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,536 I-I thought this was about a train assassin. 229 00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:44,604 You know, if you don't want to finish watching... 230 00:07:44,606 --> 00:07:46,639 No, no, no, honey, I think this friendship 231 00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:49,876 - ends at a hard "R" rating. - Yeah. 232 00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:52,342 - Permission! - Go, go, go! 233 00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:55,953 _ 234 00:07:56,765 --> 00:07:59,281 Are you sure you can handle Lark for a whole night? 235 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,195 Of course. It'll be like having 236 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,140 a 30-pound bag of sugar to nibble on all night. 237 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,403 And this is the first night you've been away from her 238 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,817 since she was born. 239 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,297 Yeah, but maybe it's too soon. 240 00:08:11,299 --> 00:08:13,346 - I don't know if we should do this. - Oh, no, honey... 241 00:08:13,371 --> 00:08:14,567 What did I tell you about 242 00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:17,170 trusting your maternal instincts? 243 00:08:17,468 --> 00:08:19,034 Don't do it. 244 00:08:19,059 --> 00:08:21,035 - Okay. - Come here. 245 00:08:21,353 --> 00:08:24,477 Have a fun night with Mom-Mom, okay? We love you. 246 00:08:24,502 --> 00:08:26,412 - Come on, let's go. - Yeah, where are we going? 247 00:08:26,414 --> 00:08:28,455 We're gonna distract you while your parents leave. 248 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:30,423 Not yet. 249 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,186 Not yet. 250 00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:34,992 Yet? 251 00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:36,556 - Not yet. - Okay. 252 00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:37,723 Okay, now. 253 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,159 Yeah! 254 00:08:40,161 --> 00:08:41,594 - Yeah, baby! - Yeah! 255 00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:42,628 We're free! 256 00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:44,137 Oh, babe, 257 00:08:44,162 --> 00:08:45,765 just like the good old days. 258 00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:47,767 Like when we had nothing to argue about 259 00:08:47,769 --> 00:08:50,303 except which route to take to avoid traffic. 260 00:08:50,305 --> 00:08:51,571 Oh, remember that? 261 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,605 Yeah. 262 00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:55,508 All right. 263 00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:56,876 You're gonna turn up here. 264 00:08:57,011 --> 00:08:58,043 What? 265 00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,378 - This is the turn. - No, it's not. 266 00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:01,063 - It's the next one. - Hmm? 267 00:09:01,088 --> 00:09:02,254 It's the next one. 268 00:09:02,279 --> 00:09:03,282 No, no. This is it. 269 00:09:03,284 --> 00:09:06,116 Jen, it's the next... oh, shoot, you're right. 270 00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:10,133 Whoo. 271 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,634 - We made it. - We did. 272 00:09:11,659 --> 00:09:12,658 - Hey. - Mm-hmm. 273 00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:14,661 To us, and us only. 274 00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:16,496 Yes. 275 00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,301 In fact, drinking game. 276 00:09:18,326 --> 00:09:19,866 - Yeah. - Every time we realize 277 00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:22,512 we don't have to take care of a child, we drink. 278 00:09:22,537 --> 00:09:23,607 - Love it. - Okay. 279 00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:26,629 So the porn channel's on the TV, and we don't have to change it. 280 00:09:26,654 --> 00:09:28,141 - Drink. - Mm-hmm. 281 00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,775 Mmm. 282 00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,144 There's a knife by the fruit. 283 00:09:31,146 --> 00:09:32,812 Yup. 284 00:09:32,814 --> 00:09:34,780 And now it's by an electrical socket. 285 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:36,115 Okay, drink twice. 286 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,636 Wait, why twice? 287 00:09:38,034 --> 00:09:39,499 Uh, 'cause I like to party. 288 00:09:39,524 --> 00:09:40,423 Drink! 289 00:09:43,197 --> 00:09:45,064 Drink. Drink. 290 00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:47,679 Babe? 291 00:09:47,704 --> 00:09:49,650 Hey, what time is it? 292 00:09:51,312 --> 00:09:52,711 Oh, Jen, wake up. 293 00:09:52,736 --> 00:09:53,599 We passed out drunk. 294 00:09:53,601 --> 00:09:54,600 It's 1:00 in the morning. 295 00:09:54,602 --> 00:09:55,935 - What? - Wake up. We're sleeping through 296 00:09:55,937 --> 00:09:57,303 the best night of our lives. 297 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,508 Oh, did we even have sex? 298 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,199 I don't know, let me check. 299 00:10:02,907 --> 00:10:04,525 I guess not. 300 00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:06,050 This was for you. 301 00:10:06,075 --> 00:10:07,577 It was a surprise. 302 00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:09,960 Still kind of is a surprise. 303 00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:10,984 Yeah. 304 00:10:11,009 --> 00:10:12,118 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 305 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,119 Excuse me, sir, sir, sir. 306 00:10:13,121 --> 00:10:16,038 Hi. Uh, Short party of two. 307 00:10:16,063 --> 00:10:17,957 I'm sorry, but we've been closed for hours. 308 00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:20,826 Oh. Well, um, what time do you open? 309 00:10:20,828 --> 00:10:22,195 A-Are we closer to that? 310 00:10:22,197 --> 00:10:24,363 Or-or could we get room service? 311 00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:26,817 Oh, our room service is excellent. You'll love it. 312 00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:27,867 Fantastic! 313 00:10:27,869 --> 00:10:29,635 But it doesn't start till breakfast. 314 00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:36,589 Well, this isn't the worst thing that I've taken 315 00:10:36,614 --> 00:10:38,893 off of a room service tray someone left in the hall. 316 00:10:38,918 --> 00:10:42,259 Yeah, and much like this coleslaw, 317 00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:45,205 this night is starting to turn. 318 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,085 What? 319 00:10:46,087 --> 00:10:47,622 Hey. 320 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,680 Mommy's got a playlist. 321 00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:50,981 Wow, wow, wow. 322 00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:51,982 Mm-hmm. 323 00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,951 - Okay. - Okay. 324 00:10:54,381 --> 00:10:56,021 I pick up what you're laying down. 325 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,755 - You like it? - Yeah, I do. 326 00:11:00,948 --> 00:11:02,517 Do you hear that, too? 327 00:11:02,542 --> 00:11:04,261 Yeah, I hear it. 328 00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,463 But you want to know what? Let's just ignore it. 329 00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:08,132 - Okay. Yeah. - Let's ignore it. It's not our kid. 330 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,034 - Mm-hmm. Okay. - Here we go. 331 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:12,336 - And we're back. - Yeah. 332 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:14,271 No, I can't. 333 00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:15,472 - No. - Sorry. No, I can't. 334 00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:16,874 I-I can't be in the mood 335 00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:17,930 when there's a kid crying. 336 00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:20,844 Greg, the whole point of this was to get away 337 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:24,448 from being parents, to get back into being a couple. 338 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,317 You're right. You want to know what? 339 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,652 I'm gonna go be the childless jerk 340 00:11:28,654 --> 00:11:31,055 who goes over there and tells them to 341 00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:32,690 "Keep it down!" 342 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,198 Ow. 343 00:11:43,628 --> 00:11:44,602 Hey. 344 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,409 Hey. There something we can do about this noise? 345 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,481 Because I'm trying to get drunk with my wife. 346 00:11:48,483 --> 00:11:50,642 No, I'm-I'm really sorry. I know my little one's 347 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,184 making a lot of noise. She has an ear infection, 348 00:11:52,186 --> 00:11:53,953 and-and I'm trying to get her to the hospital. 349 00:11:53,955 --> 00:11:55,421 - Oh. Okay. - Yeah. 350 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,722 Well, if you're going to the hospital, 351 00:11:56,724 --> 00:11:57,990 I guess that solves the noise problem. 352 00:11:57,992 --> 00:11:58,958 Good luck. 353 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,526 Uh, but-but, you know, I-I actually 354 00:12:00,528 --> 00:12:02,061 don't know what to do with my three-year-old. 355 00:12:02,063 --> 00:12:03,329 She's terrified of hospitals. 356 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,097 Yeah, well, we're all terrified of something. 357 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,332 For me, it's Pat Sajak. 358 00:12:06,334 --> 00:12:08,748 I don't want to go to a hospital. 359 00:12:09,274 --> 00:12:11,537 That where Daddy died. 360 00:12:12,743 --> 00:12:14,907 Oh, dude. 361 00:12:16,577 --> 00:12:17,877 Hey, honey. 362 00:12:18,168 --> 00:12:20,101 Good news, bad news. 363 00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:23,983 Good news is I got the crying to stop. 364 00:12:24,919 --> 00:12:27,019 Do you want to guess what the bad news is? 365 00:12:29,629 --> 00:12:31,182 Greg, who's this? 366 00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:33,125 This is Lucia. 367 00:12:33,356 --> 00:12:36,529 Who is going to be staying with us until her mom gets back. 368 00:12:36,531 --> 00:12:38,931 This sounds like a super fun way for the two of us 369 00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:42,168 to spend our one night alone, just the two of us. 370 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,103 Okay. Hi, Lucia. 371 00:12:45,024 --> 00:12:45,971 Uh... 372 00:12:46,353 --> 00:12:48,674 I'm gonna go change out of my special jammies, 373 00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:51,366 and then we're gonna get you settled down to sleep. 374 00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,014 I sleep during the day. 375 00:12:56,655 --> 00:12:57,960 Course you do. 376 00:12:58,897 --> 00:13:02,210 Okay, Lucia, remember, you promised me you were gonna 377 00:13:02,235 --> 00:13:04,836 stop jumping and lay down and-and close your eyes. 378 00:13:04,861 --> 00:13:05,893 What happened? 379 00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:06,859 I lied. 380 00:13:06,861 --> 00:13:08,199 - You lied. - Yeah. 381 00:13:08,224 --> 00:13:10,373 Ugh, why are you jumping on the bed? 382 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,031 Because it's fun. 383 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,403 Oh, all right. 384 00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:19,672 Let's have some fun. 385 00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,874 Oh, okay. 386 00:13:24,341 --> 00:13:26,545 At least the bed's getting some kind of action. 387 00:13:26,547 --> 00:13:27,546 Yeah. 388 00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:28,814 Freestyle! 389 00:13:28,816 --> 00:13:30,753 Oh! Uh-oh. 390 00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:33,426 This is how you play Ding Dong Ditch. 391 00:13:33,762 --> 00:13:35,575 All right, ready? 392 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,894 One, two, three, go. Quick, go! 393 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,659 Go, go, go, go, go. In there, in there, in there. 394 00:13:40,661 --> 00:13:41,727 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah! 395 00:13:41,729 --> 00:13:42,728 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 396 00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,172 - Hey. - Hmm? 397 00:13:45,197 --> 00:13:48,300 Remember when you said you always wanted to do a three-way? 398 00:13:48,302 --> 00:13:51,237 Uh, that was you, but go on. 399 00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:53,502 Well, this isn't it. 400 00:13:58,976 --> 00:14:01,747 Oh, they're so cute when they're sleeping. 401 00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:07,453 Oh, man. 402 00:14:07,455 --> 00:14:09,588 Well, that was just like staying home with Lark, 403 00:14:09,590 --> 00:14:12,303 except it cost us $400. 404 00:14:12,328 --> 00:14:14,260 You think we'll ever get back to being who we were 405 00:14:14,262 --> 00:14:15,761 before we had kids? 406 00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:18,726 Yeah, but we'll be too old to enjoy it. 407 00:14:19,132 --> 00:14:20,841 You know what, though? 408 00:14:20,866 --> 00:14:23,515 We may suck at being carefree and childless, 409 00:14:23,835 --> 00:14:26,093 but we are good at being parents. 410 00:14:28,042 --> 00:14:29,275 All right, don't worry, Lucia, 411 00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:30,543 we're gonna find your mommy, okay? 412 00:14:30,545 --> 00:14:32,444 She's got to be at one of these hospitals. 413 00:14:32,532 --> 00:14:35,239 Oh, Amber Alert. 414 00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:38,751 Greg, what is your license plate number? 415 00:14:38,776 --> 00:14:40,433 Huh? 416 00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:43,689 Oh, no. 417 00:14:43,691 --> 00:14:45,057 Oh, no. 418 00:14:47,257 --> 00:14:49,038 _ 419 00:14:51,574 --> 00:14:53,674 Yeah, I heard Mr. Henkels is living in his car. 420 00:14:53,676 --> 00:14:55,495 Yeah, Mrs. Henkels kicked him out 421 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,420 because he gambled away the Relay For Life money. 422 00:14:58,241 --> 00:14:59,889 Hey, Sam. Who's your new friend? 423 00:14:59,891 --> 00:15:02,725 Uh, Ryan, this is my dad and my grandfather, 424 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:03,926 and you know Sophia. 425 00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:04,927 Hi. 426 00:15:04,929 --> 00:15:05,840 You guys want to join us? 427 00:15:05,865 --> 00:15:07,974 We're watching some dumb crap 428 00:15:07,999 --> 00:15:11,033 that John picked because apparently it's his damn house, 429 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,868 and he gets to choose what we watch. 430 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,271 No, we're going to go study. 431 00:15:15,273 --> 00:15:16,639 Ah, very good. 432 00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:19,342 Education, that's what separates us from the apes. 433 00:15:20,304 --> 00:15:23,012 Though they don't wear pants, so... 434 00:15:23,014 --> 00:15:24,814 maybe they know something we don't. 435 00:15:25,519 --> 00:15:27,361 Well, it was nice meeting you all. 436 00:15:27,386 --> 00:15:28,611 Mm. 437 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,053 You're just gonna let her waltz up there with that man? 438 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,955 I mean, he looks older than I do. 439 00:15:32,957 --> 00:15:34,490 Eh, it's the hormones in the chicken. 440 00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:36,492 All 14-year-olds look like that now. 441 00:15:36,494 --> 00:15:38,661 He's actually the senior class president, 442 00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,663 and he used to date Gina Tortellini. 443 00:15:40,665 --> 00:15:42,264 How do you know all that? 444 00:15:42,266 --> 00:15:43,966 I ask questions. 445 00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:46,736 Is that the Tortellini girl that had the twins? 446 00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,003 Yup. 447 00:15:48,005 --> 00:15:49,315 How do you know all that? 448 00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:51,792 Oh, I ask questions. 449 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:54,543 Ah, he seems like a nice enough study partner. 450 00:15:54,545 --> 00:15:55,606 Hmm? 451 00:15:55,631 --> 00:15:57,246 That dude's only going upstairs 452 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,300 to study your daughter's downstairs. 453 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,049 John! 454 00:16:00,051 --> 00:16:01,701 Sam is a good girl, and if she says 455 00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:04,320 she's going upstairs to study, then that's what she's doing. 456 00:16:04,322 --> 00:16:07,356 Yeah, studying his wanger bar. 457 00:16:08,289 --> 00:16:09,609 Hit me with another one. 458 00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,515 If I tell Sam she can't have a boy in her room, 459 00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:13,156 then she's just gonna want it even more, 460 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,740 and I'm not gonna be that kind of dad. 461 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,466 So, I'm gonna let them study in peace. 462 00:16:17,468 --> 00:16:19,868 Oy, study his piece. 463 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,190 Lot of giggling up there. 464 00:16:31,718 --> 00:16:32,981 Not worried about it, John. 465 00:16:32,983 --> 00:16:35,284 They were giggling when they came in. They're funny. 466 00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,520 Besides, I'll take giggling over silence any day. 467 00:16:41,192 --> 00:16:43,125 It's awful quiet up there. 468 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,094 No, John, that's what happens when you giggle too long, 469 00:16:45,096 --> 00:16:47,296 then you need to take a little break, catch your breath, 470 00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:50,032 so you can... start giggling again. 471 00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:51,467 Here, I'll tickle you. 472 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,168 Don't touch me. 473 00:16:56,607 --> 00:16:58,507 See? Now we're quiet. 474 00:16:58,509 --> 00:16:59,952 Uh-huh. 475 00:17:00,737 --> 00:17:02,144 Where you going? 476 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,047 I left my curling iron on. 477 00:17:05,471 --> 00:17:06,515 Idiot. 478 00:17:07,415 --> 00:17:09,385 All right, look, I need you to sneak in there, 479 00:17:09,387 --> 00:17:12,321 just super casual, drop off the snacks, 480 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,823 and then look for signs of... 481 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:18,212 Wh-What is it you think boys and girls do again? 482 00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:19,495 Hug? 483 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:20,996 Right. 484 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,298 Look for signs of hugging. 485 00:17:27,585 --> 00:17:31,240 Hey, you ever notice all these pictures are of Sam and Matt? 486 00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:33,041 You nervous about something? 487 00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,777 Nope. Just waiting for Sophia. 488 00:17:34,779 --> 00:17:36,412 She's upstairs... 489 00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,781 unplugging the curling iron. 490 00:17:38,783 --> 00:17:42,117 Really? Because she just left with Joanie for the store. 491 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,485 What? 492 00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:44,887 Damn it. 493 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,455 She's a double agent. 494 00:17:58,002 --> 00:18:00,335 Oh, geez. 495 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,072 Dad, what are you doing? 496 00:18:04,074 --> 00:18:06,167 Hey, guys. I was, uh... 497 00:18:06,192 --> 00:18:08,175 just testing this. 498 00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,646 Your mom would get pretty upset with me 499 00:18:10,648 --> 00:18:12,281 if I burned another house down, right? 500 00:18:12,283 --> 00:18:13,515 But it works, so... 501 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,189 What are you guys doing in there? 502 00:18:20,191 --> 00:18:22,758 Uh, we're just running lines to audition for the play. 503 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,827 Oh, an actor, huh? 504 00:18:24,829 --> 00:18:26,829 Oh, I do a little acting, too. 505 00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:28,841 Sometimes I'm a real nice guy, 506 00:18:28,866 --> 00:18:31,561 and sometimes I can be real mean. 507 00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,069 I'm just kidding. See, I was just doing it. 508 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,038 Acting, very simple. Right? 509 00:18:36,285 --> 00:18:37,639 Yeah. 510 00:18:37,641 --> 00:18:39,174 Dad. 511 00:18:39,176 --> 00:18:41,254 Guys, come on, we're having a moment! 512 00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:46,684 How are things going upstairs? 513 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,386 Am I a great-grandfather yet? 514 00:18:48,411 --> 00:18:50,354 No, because they're not doing anything wrong. 515 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,513 Samantha's a good kid, and I trust her. 516 00:18:52,515 --> 00:18:53,847 Ah, I think you may be right. 517 00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:56,684 I was just thinking, back when I was a teenage boy, 518 00:18:56,686 --> 00:19:00,349 I used to tell the moms that we were practicing for a play. 519 00:19:00,374 --> 00:19:04,512 I was the cat and she was the hot tin roof. 520 00:19:04,537 --> 00:19:05,803 But I can't speak for all men. 521 00:19:05,828 --> 00:19:08,195 Y-You were probably different back in that age. 522 00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:10,378 "Diddler on the Roof" was another one. 523 00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:11,742 - Yeah. - Yeah. 524 00:19:12,177 --> 00:19:13,400 Sam! 525 00:19:19,208 --> 00:19:20,708 Dad! 526 00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:21,709 Oops, sorry. 527 00:19:21,711 --> 00:19:23,149 Wrong house, uh, room. 528 00:19:24,213 --> 00:19:26,547 Sophia! Why did you tell me to come up here?! 529 00:19:26,549 --> 00:19:27,748 Sorry. 530 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:28,749 What? 531 00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,850 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 532 00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:31,452 I can't believe this. 533 00:19:31,454 --> 00:19:33,287 You barged in there because you don't trust me. 534 00:19:33,289 --> 00:19:34,922 What do you think we were doing in there? 535 00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:38,506 I don't know. Your Pop-Pop was saying all kinds of weird stuff. 536 00:19:38,531 --> 00:19:39,928 Samantha! 537 00:19:42,218 --> 00:19:44,068 They're not doing anything, just like I said. 538 00:19:44,093 --> 00:19:45,265 So, congratulations on making me 539 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,267 the kind of parent I didn't want to be. 540 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,569 Well, we all end up being 541 00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:50,237 the kind of parent we don't want to be. 542 00:19:50,239 --> 00:19:51,538 That's what being a parent is. 543 00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:52,773 No, I don't buy it. 544 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:54,541 I'm done acting like you. 545 00:19:55,511 --> 00:19:57,111 I'm gonna go act like me. 546 00:20:03,686 --> 00:20:05,419 Yeah? 547 00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:07,735 I owe you an apology. 548 00:20:08,422 --> 00:20:10,157 I'm listening. 549 00:20:11,052 --> 00:20:12,059 I stopped trusting you, 550 00:20:12,061 --> 00:20:14,528 and I promised myself that I would never do that. 551 00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:16,630 So, won't happen again. 552 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,032 I'm sorry. 553 00:20:19,122 --> 00:20:20,371 Thanks, Dad. 554 00:20:20,396 --> 00:20:21,794 Yeah, come on. 555 00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:31,878 I don't think he's going to be back for a while. 556 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:38,199 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -