1 00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:12,218 Hello, Michael. 2 00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:21,578 Morning... Morning. 3 00:01:22,663 --> 00:01:26,404 Yeah, I was just wondering about your garden, actually, mate, to be honest. 4 00:01:26,982 --> 00:01:28,381 What about it? 5 00:01:28,407 --> 00:01:31,406 Well, I mean, it's getting a bit overgrown now, you know. 6 00:01:31,471 --> 00:01:33,470 Starting to cut out a lot of light, so... 7 00:01:33,496 --> 00:01:36,175 Right, well, I'll sort that, then. 8 00:01:36,218 --> 00:01:38,513 Wicked. OK, you reckon you'll get a chance? 9 00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:39,873 - Definitely. - Awesome. 10 00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:41,513 Did you get the letter from the council? 11 00:01:41,538 --> 00:01:43,513 Probably. I never open them. 12 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:46,793 Bloody council, eh? Always after something. 13 00:01:46,818 --> 00:01:49,473 Well, there might one about the... 14 00:01:49,498 --> 00:01:51,233 Doesn't matter. 15 00:01:51,258 --> 00:01:53,033 You reckon you'll get a chance, though? 16 00:01:53,058 --> 00:01:54,353 - Take it back a bit? - Yep. 17 00:01:54,378 --> 00:01:56,673 - Yes. - Awesome. Awesome. 18 00:01:56,698 --> 00:01:58,138 All right. See you later, buddy. 19 00:02:01,618 --> 00:02:02,658 Cheers, Cliff. 20 00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:06,033 It's Clive. 21 00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:07,338 See you soon! 22 00:02:24,271 --> 00:02:29,029 CREDITS 23 00:02:37,538 --> 00:02:38,953 Oi, oi! 24 00:02:38,978 --> 00:02:41,337 Here he is then, The Beard, The Legend! 25 00:02:44,218 --> 00:02:46,793 Michael! Michael! 26 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,337 Mike! 27 00:02:48,999 --> 00:02:50,778 All right, Brigham? 28 00:03:07,658 --> 00:03:11,913 Can Kacey come to Sealants and Grouting with a mop and bucket? 29 00:03:11,938 --> 00:03:15,458 Trish, it's Gordon, what's this mop for? Has something been spilled? 30 00:03:19,538 --> 00:03:21,153 Speak to me, Trish. 31 00:03:21,178 --> 00:03:23,784 Just a spillage in Sealants and Grouting. 32 00:03:24,258 --> 00:03:25,673 Use the comms, please, Trish. 33 00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:27,273 What's been spilled? 34 00:03:27,298 --> 00:03:29,237 Just trying to find out. 35 00:03:29,263 --> 00:03:31,863 Use the comms, Trish, not the tannoy. 36 00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:36,833 Some sort of sealant. 37 00:03:36,858 --> 00:03:38,592 Get a mop. Get it cleaned up. 38 00:03:39,498 --> 00:03:41,593 No, you don't understand. 39 00:03:41,618 --> 00:03:45,673 Why would we sell six screws in a biodegradable paper bag, 40 00:03:45,698 --> 00:03:51,033 when if we only sell them in polyurethane tubs of 500, 41 00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:55,193 the customer is forced into buying much more of them? 42 00:03:55,218 --> 00:03:59,256 Making us much, much more money. 43 00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,498 I see. 44 00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:03,285 Do you have a hand-drill? 45 00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:05,658 A hand-drill? 46 00:04:10,178 --> 00:04:13,597 We stopped stocking hand-drills in 1953. 47 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:20,393 What was 1953? 48 00:04:20,418 --> 00:04:22,011 The Queen's Coronation. 49 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:26,146 Have you been on your break? 50 00:04:26,172 --> 00:04:27,792 - Which break - lunch break? - Tea break. 51 00:04:27,818 --> 00:04:28,858 No. 52 00:04:29,898 --> 00:04:31,393 Vending machine needs stocking up. 53 00:04:31,418 --> 00:04:33,839 - Double Deckers. - Double Deckers. Got it. 54 00:04:34,902 --> 00:04:37,073 And beef Discos, then go on your break. 55 00:04:37,098 --> 00:04:39,792 Double Deckers, beef Discos, break. 56 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,269 Could the owner of a small child 57 00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:53,752 wearing yellow dungarees please come to the power tools 58 00:04:53,778 --> 00:04:55,514 section in aisle three. 59 00:04:58,304 --> 00:05:01,503 Michael! Michael! You out clubbing tonight? 60 00:05:05,578 --> 00:05:07,058 Absolute legend! 61 00:05:08,898 --> 00:05:11,967 See you there. Mine's a whisky and coke! 62 00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:39,549 _ 63 00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:47,233 - Hello, Hilary. - Oh, hello, love. 64 00:05:47,258 --> 00:05:49,193 - He's in the lounge. - Thanks. 65 00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,833 - Has he been all right? - Yeah, I think so. 66 00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,473 Building his contraptions. 67 00:05:53,498 --> 00:05:54,953 Telling his stories, you know. 68 00:05:54,978 --> 00:05:56,578 Keeping everyone amused. 69 00:06:01,058 --> 00:06:02,368 See you later. 70 00:06:30,018 --> 00:06:31,298 Oh. 71 00:06:32,196 --> 00:06:35,731 - Hello, Dad. You all right? - Hello, son. 72 00:06:35,757 --> 00:06:37,513 You back from your travels? 73 00:06:37,538 --> 00:06:39,018 I haven't been anywhere, Dad. 74 00:06:40,187 --> 00:06:42,882 I must have nodded off. 75 00:06:42,978 --> 00:06:44,435 You've been busy. 76 00:06:45,058 --> 00:06:47,593 Oh, yeah, yeah. 77 00:06:47,618 --> 00:06:49,113 Does it work? 78 00:06:49,771 --> 00:06:51,633 Sometimes, yeah. 79 00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:53,193 Here you are, then. 80 00:06:53,491 --> 00:06:54,669 Have a go. 81 00:06:56,498 --> 00:06:59,073 - Where does it start? - On the book. 82 00:06:59,098 --> 00:07:00,858 - What here? - Yes. Yeah. 83 00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,833 That is fantastic, Dad! 84 00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:27,313 Oh, well. 85 00:07:27,338 --> 00:07:28,458 Utter waste of time. 86 00:07:29,538 --> 00:07:32,458 Oh, I don't know. It keeps your brain ticking over. 87 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,338 Who brings you the Brazil nuts? 88 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:38,498 You what? 89 00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:40,934 You've always got a bowl of shelled Brazil nuts. 90 00:07:41,218 --> 00:07:44,033 Oh, yeah, she gives 'em to me, Gladys. 91 00:07:44,058 --> 00:07:45,873 Her granddaughter brings them for her, 92 00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,873 but her dentures can't cope with the nuts, 93 00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:50,273 so she just sucks the chocolate off. 94 00:07:50,298 --> 00:07:51,756 I never touch them. 95 00:07:52,850 --> 00:07:55,353 So, what have you been up to? 96 00:07:55,378 --> 00:07:58,713 You know, this and that. Working at the DIY place. 97 00:07:58,738 --> 00:08:01,313 Yeah. How's Clea? 98 00:08:01,338 --> 00:08:02,618 Is she well? 99 00:08:04,537 --> 00:08:06,623 Clea went away, didn't she, Dad. 100 00:08:07,022 --> 00:08:09,205 Years ago now. You remember? 101 00:08:09,231 --> 00:08:11,179 We don't know where she went. 102 00:08:12,218 --> 00:08:13,793 Oh, shit, I forgot. 103 00:08:13,818 --> 00:08:16,073 Yeah. At Christmas-time. 104 00:08:16,098 --> 00:08:17,788 Yes. Christmas Eve. 105 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:20,248 No news? 106 00:08:20,538 --> 00:08:22,433 - No answers? - No. 107 00:08:22,458 --> 00:08:23,673 Just questions. 108 00:08:23,698 --> 00:08:25,393 Lots of questions. 109 00:08:25,418 --> 00:08:26,756 I'm sorry, son. 110 00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:28,618 It's all right. 111 00:08:29,423 --> 00:08:31,834 I actually don't mind talking about her. 112 00:08:32,258 --> 00:08:34,506 Friends tend to avoid the subject. 113 00:08:37,652 --> 00:08:38,692 What is it? 114 00:08:42,458 --> 00:08:45,647 A draughts piece? No, hang on... 115 00:08:46,396 --> 00:08:47,952 Pontefract cake. 116 00:08:48,298 --> 00:08:50,647 Oh, I know who you are! 117 00:08:50,939 --> 00:08:53,098 I know who's doing it! 118 00:08:56,978 --> 00:08:58,153 Bastards! 119 00:08:58,178 --> 00:09:00,121 Hey, it's all right, Dad. 120 00:09:01,098 --> 00:09:04,633 While I remember, would you post my competitions for me? 121 00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:05,913 Yeah, yeah. Of course I will. 122 00:09:05,938 --> 00:09:08,113 Can't you get one of the staff here to post them for you? 123 00:09:08,138 --> 00:09:10,113 I don't trust them. They just chuck them in the bin. 124 00:09:10,138 --> 00:09:13,153 Dad, I'm sure they wouldn't, but, yes, I'll take them for you. 125 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,393 What are you going to win? 126 00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:17,833 Fishing equipment, knitting machine, 127 00:09:17,859 --> 00:09:20,553 and, this one's a hot tub. 128 00:09:20,578 --> 00:09:23,125 Oh, nice, all very useful. 129 00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:26,330 Here you go, dinner's up. 130 00:09:26,363 --> 00:09:27,498 Shall I leave you to it? 131 00:09:27,578 --> 00:09:30,153 All right, sunshine. Will I see you tomorrow? 132 00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:32,133 Yeah. I'll be here. 133 00:09:32,661 --> 00:09:34,758 Maybe we can talk about her, then. 134 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:36,960 Who...? Who's that? 135 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:39,171 Clea. 136 00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:43,367 Clea... Oh, Clea! Oh, lovely Clea. 137 00:09:43,498 --> 00:09:45,219 Give her my love. 138 00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:53,178 I love you, Dad. 139 00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:49,435 We don't encourage people to be creative here. 140 00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,357 We pretend we do. 141 00:12:51,498 --> 00:12:53,713 Take the paint mixing service, for example. 142 00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:56,793 People think they're making something unique, but really, 143 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,673 we're only allowed to mix them in one of a dozen different ways. 144 00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:01,633 You see, we can't run the risk of a customer 145 00:13:01,658 --> 00:13:05,313 accidentally discovering a brand-new colour, copyrighting it, 146 00:13:05,338 --> 00:13:07,033 and then going on to make millions. 147 00:13:07,058 --> 00:13:09,993 Like what happened in the United States of America. 148 00:13:10,018 --> 00:13:11,593 Somebody discovered a new colour? 149 00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:13,113 Never seen before. 150 00:13:13,138 --> 00:13:15,353 They're going to introduce it over here next year, but we're going to 151 00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,353 have to change all our printers and tellies 152 00:13:17,378 --> 00:13:19,943 - so that they can deal with it. - Well, what's it called? 153 00:13:20,021 --> 00:13:21,660 - Frelliple. - Frelliple? 154 00:13:21,685 --> 00:13:22,833 Probably. 155 00:13:22,858 --> 00:13:24,433 What's it look like? 156 00:13:24,458 --> 00:13:25,553 Now you're asking. 157 00:13:25,578 --> 00:13:28,433 It's kind of a very dark sort of white. 158 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:32,393 With sort of... It's gre... If you can imagine a kind of red and blue. 159 00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:35,193 It's like stripes, it's almost see through. 160 00:13:35,218 --> 00:13:36,833 It's basically tartan. 161 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,473 It's impossible to describe. 162 00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:40,793 One thing I do know is that, as soon as I can, 163 00:13:40,818 --> 00:13:46,303 I am treating myself to a shirt made from the finest frelliple silk. 164 00:13:53,338 --> 00:13:54,953 Have you taken your break? 165 00:13:54,978 --> 00:13:56,378 I've only been here an hour! 166 00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:01,513 Take your break now, because Andre's in the warehouse this afternoon. 167 00:14:01,538 --> 00:14:02,898 Now? 168 00:14:09,778 --> 00:14:11,233 All right? 169 00:14:11,258 --> 00:14:12,858 - It's Kace... Kacey? - Yeah. 170 00:14:14,458 --> 00:14:16,153 I didn't realise you were in today. 171 00:14:16,178 --> 00:14:19,633 Yeah, I've been in here an hour and a half. No-one's noticed. 172 00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:22,498 Do you...? Do you want a cup of tea or are you not bothered? 173 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:25,938 Is that beard itchy? 174 00:14:26,978 --> 00:14:28,338 Itchy? No. 175 00:14:31,018 --> 00:14:33,593 Why would I have a beard if it was itchy? 176 00:14:33,618 --> 00:14:34,658 Looks itchy. 177 00:14:35,738 --> 00:14:37,258 Looks like it would feel itchy. 178 00:14:38,618 --> 00:14:40,018 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 179 00:14:41,658 --> 00:14:44,178 - Why do you have a beard? - Why do you wear a hat? 180 00:14:45,698 --> 00:14:46,913 I'm not wearing a hat. 181 00:14:46,938 --> 00:14:49,313 No, but if you were, that would be my response to you. 182 00:14:49,338 --> 00:14:51,953 Why do you have your ears pierced? That's a better example. 183 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,233 Why do you have your ears pierced? 184 00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:57,817 - Just because. - There you go. It's... It's just because. 185 00:15:00,178 --> 00:15:02,953 That were funny before when you thought I was calling you a wanker. 186 00:15:02,978 --> 00:15:04,673 Who were you calling a wanker, Gordon? 187 00:15:04,698 --> 00:15:05,953 Of course Gordon. 188 00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,673 I mean, don't you think he's such a wanker? 189 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,418 - I haven't really thought about it. - Go on, have a think. 190 00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:13,673 Yeah, I suppose he is a bit. 191 00:15:13,698 --> 00:15:15,473 Yeah, you watch, now that I've pointed it out, 192 00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,018 you'll notice it all the time. 193 00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,753 - Are you on your break? - Yep. 194 00:15:21,778 --> 00:15:25,073 - How long have you been on your break? - About ten minutes. 195 00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,193 How long have you been on your break? 196 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,938 Two minutes, you literally just sent me on my break. 197 00:15:34,338 --> 00:15:35,538 See? 198 00:15:36,658 --> 00:15:38,713 Have you been here years, then? 199 00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:39,778 Five years. 200 00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:42,498 - Can I...? - Yeah. 201 00:15:44,538 --> 00:15:46,113 What did you do before this? 202 00:15:46,138 --> 00:15:47,858 I was an underwater welder. 203 00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:52,633 - What does that mean? - Which part, underwater or welder? 204 00:15:52,658 --> 00:15:54,073 Both, when you put them together. 205 00:15:54,098 --> 00:15:57,033 Well, I welded things that were underwater, 206 00:15:57,058 --> 00:15:59,553 which meant that I had to go underwater, too. 207 00:15:59,578 --> 00:16:01,513 In like the diving gear and everything? 208 00:16:01,538 --> 00:16:02,738 Almost always. 209 00:16:04,418 --> 00:16:06,873 What sort of things need welding underwater? 210 00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,618 Ships, oil rigs... 211 00:16:10,618 --> 00:16:12,873 Mainly ships and oil rigs. 212 00:16:12,898 --> 00:16:14,793 But isn't welding like fire? 213 00:16:14,818 --> 00:16:16,433 - Yes. - Oh, so how does that work, then? 214 00:16:16,458 --> 00:16:20,153 - Would you like me to explain? - No, actually, you're all right. 215 00:16:20,178 --> 00:16:21,513 Why'd you give it up? 216 00:16:21,538 --> 00:16:23,953 It's a young man's game, underwater welding. 217 00:16:23,978 --> 00:16:26,313 You can't do it for too long. 218 00:16:26,338 --> 00:16:27,618 Takes its toll. 219 00:16:30,378 --> 00:16:32,273 And did you have the beard then, or..? 220 00:16:32,298 --> 00:16:34,793 No. I wouldn't have been able to get a watertight seal 221 00:16:34,818 --> 00:16:37,218 - around me diving mask. - Oh, yeah, I was going to say. 222 00:16:54,698 --> 00:16:56,193 Hi, Hilary, is he in...? 223 00:16:56,218 --> 00:16:58,193 - Hello, love. He's in his room. - OK. 224 00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,538 Can I have a word? 225 00:17:00,738 --> 00:17:01,778 It's a bit awkward. 226 00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,953 Your dad's been taking the empty water bottles 227 00:17:04,978 --> 00:17:06,313 and hiding them in his room. 228 00:17:06,338 --> 00:17:07,713 The water cooler bottles? 229 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:10,713 The thing is they collect the empties on Wednesday. 230 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,233 What's he taking them for? 231 00:17:12,258 --> 00:17:14,353 I don't know, he's saying it wasn't him. 232 00:17:14,378 --> 00:17:16,073 Well, are you sure it was him? 233 00:17:16,098 --> 00:17:17,633 I've seen him taking them. 234 00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,593 He keeps an eye out for when they're nearly empty 235 00:17:19,618 --> 00:17:22,633 and then smuggles them away when he thinks no-one's looking. 236 00:17:22,658 --> 00:17:25,273 All right, thanks, Hilary. 237 00:17:25,298 --> 00:17:28,138 I'll see if I can work out what's going on! 238 00:17:49,258 --> 00:17:51,873 - Hello, Dad. - Hello, son. Come on in. 239 00:17:51,898 --> 00:17:54,593 - Shut the door. - You all right? What are you looking for? 240 00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:55,658 Shut the door. 241 00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:00,713 I remembered something. 242 00:18:00,738 --> 00:18:02,953 Something that'd help with your problem. 243 00:18:02,978 --> 00:18:04,193 What problem was that? 244 00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:05,913 What we talked about yesterday. 245 00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:09,113 You know, I know where you can get some answers. 246 00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:12,873 I am sorry, Dad, I'm being dim. What were we talking about? 247 00:18:12,898 --> 00:18:13,938 Homunculi! 248 00:18:14,978 --> 00:18:16,113 Come again? 249 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,393 Alchemy. 250 00:18:17,418 --> 00:18:20,393 Can't talk about it here. They'll be listening in. 251 00:18:20,418 --> 00:18:21,578 Let's go for a walk. 252 00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,178 Take a look in there. 253 00:18:35,778 --> 00:18:37,378 What've you got these for, Dad? 254 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,418 Did I ever tell you about Egypt? 255 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,713 I think so, yes, when you were on National Service? 256 00:18:44,738 --> 00:18:47,993 That's right. When I was there I met a man, 257 00:18:48,018 --> 00:18:52,753 an old mystic, Italian, and he was studying metaphysics 258 00:18:52,778 --> 00:18:54,658 - and alchemic lore. - OK... 259 00:18:55,778 --> 00:18:59,673 Anyway, I became an apprentice, really, so to speak. 260 00:18:59,698 --> 00:19:03,273 I was the only one he trusted to help him with his experiments. 261 00:19:03,298 --> 00:19:04,673 OK... 262 00:19:04,698 --> 00:19:09,753 Eventually this brilliant man managed to grow, and generate 263 00:19:09,778 --> 00:19:14,193 homunculi, tiny prophets who lived in great glass jars full of water. 264 00:19:14,218 --> 00:19:17,153 Wait a minute, Dad. I remember this story. You used to tell it to me 265 00:19:17,178 --> 00:19:19,953 before bed. Little people in jars. 266 00:19:19,978 --> 00:19:22,353 But, Dad, I don't think it actually happened. 267 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,658 Oh, it did happen, I was there, I saw them, there were six of them. 268 00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:32,673 Yeah, I remember, there was a king and a queen, a monk...? 269 00:19:32,698 --> 00:19:38,233 A knight, a peasant and a seraph, exquisite little beings. 270 00:19:38,258 --> 00:19:39,793 They could predict the future. 271 00:19:39,818 --> 00:19:41,793 Yeah. They could answer any question, 272 00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:44,393 once they had reached the State of Divination, 273 00:19:44,418 --> 00:19:46,178 and they had to answer truthfully. 274 00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,833 That was my favourite story, Dad. 275 00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:52,353 Dad, are you sure that you didn't get it from a book? 276 00:19:52,378 --> 00:19:53,673 No, no, no. 277 00:19:53,698 --> 00:19:57,233 I wrote it in a book. I wrote the instructions all down in a journal. 278 00:19:57,258 --> 00:19:59,233 But it's... It's gone. 279 00:19:59,258 --> 00:20:00,553 I can't find it. 280 00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:03,153 Well, I've got a lot of your things, remember, at my house. 281 00:20:03,178 --> 00:20:05,953 I said I'd look after them for you when you moved in here. 282 00:20:05,978 --> 00:20:09,793 Well, that's where it'll be, then. And it's all written down. 283 00:20:09,818 --> 00:20:14,073 OK, Dad. Dad, Dad, listen, even if I can find it, 284 00:20:14,098 --> 00:20:16,833 you're not allowed to practise alchemy in the Golden Years Garden. 285 00:20:16,858 --> 00:20:20,833 No, no. It's up to you. You're the one who wants the answers. 286 00:20:20,858 --> 00:20:24,098 They'll be able to tell you where Clea is. 287 00:20:25,418 --> 00:20:26,633 - Oh, Dad... - No, no. 288 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:29,433 The prophets will tell you where she is, and you go find her 289 00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:30,793 and bring her back. 290 00:20:30,818 --> 00:20:33,633 I'll guide you. That's what the bottles are for. 291 00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:37,753 Take all the bottles, fill them with rain water - got to be rain water. 292 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:40,833 You'll need some other ingredients but the journal will take you 293 00:20:40,858 --> 00:20:43,458 through all that. You've just got to find the journal. 294 00:20:45,058 --> 00:20:46,913 Come on. 295 00:20:46,938 --> 00:20:48,618 Yeah, that's it. 296 00:20:56,378 --> 00:20:58,313 He thinks I'm taking them out to the car. 297 00:20:58,338 --> 00:21:01,833 It's a long story. All right if I leave them round the corner? 298 00:21:01,858 --> 00:21:03,633 Yeah. All right, love, thanks. 299 00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,473 He should be all right now. 300 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,618 See you tomorrow. 301 00:21:23,778 --> 00:21:24,978 Michael! 302 00:21:27,218 --> 00:21:30,913 All right, mate? You're looking well. 303 00:21:30,938 --> 00:21:32,913 Hello, Roy. 304 00:21:32,938 --> 00:21:34,513 I went round the house earlier. 305 00:21:34,538 --> 00:21:38,153 Yeah, no, I was here visiting Dad. 306 00:21:38,178 --> 00:21:40,073 I've been trying to call you. Left a few messages. 307 00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:43,433 Yeah, sometimes I... I forget to check. 308 00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:44,858 I forget to turn it on. 309 00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:49,658 - I need to speak to you, Michael. - Yeah. Yeah, OK. 310 00:21:51,218 --> 00:21:53,513 - Shall we go back to the house? - No. 311 00:21:53,538 --> 00:21:55,178 There's a cafe around the corner. 312 00:21:56,498 --> 00:21:57,538 Pickles. 313 00:22:06,938 --> 00:22:08,273 Do you want something? 314 00:22:08,298 --> 00:22:10,833 Oh, sausage, egg and chips, please. 315 00:22:10,858 --> 00:22:12,873 - Who's paying? - I'm skint, mate. 316 00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:15,178 - Just a cup of tea, please. - Two, thanks. 317 00:22:19,778 --> 00:22:21,113 How are you? Are you well? 318 00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,658 Skint. I just told you. 319 00:22:24,498 --> 00:22:27,753 I'm paying for three kids while she's sat on her fat arse 320 00:22:27,778 --> 00:22:29,098 eating crisps. 321 00:22:30,418 --> 00:22:32,458 - Are they still down south? - In Reading, yeah. 322 00:22:34,178 --> 00:22:35,458 How often do you get to...? 323 00:22:36,418 --> 00:22:39,913 I don't, Michael. I'm living in a shitty flat above a Costcutter 324 00:22:39,938 --> 00:22:42,473 so they can't come to me. And I'm not welcome down there, 325 00:22:42,498 --> 00:22:45,298 so weeks, months go by between visits. 326 00:22:46,378 --> 00:22:47,418 Sorry. 327 00:22:49,978 --> 00:22:51,378 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 328 00:22:56,538 --> 00:23:00,113 This place is named after the dog that found the World Cup. 329 00:23:00,138 --> 00:23:01,178 Pickles. 330 00:23:02,178 --> 00:23:03,873 I don't know what the connection is. 331 00:23:03,898 --> 00:23:05,473 I don't think he was from around here. 332 00:23:05,498 --> 00:23:07,738 It's time to give back what's mine, Michael. 333 00:23:12,418 --> 00:23:13,513 What if she comes back? 334 00:23:13,538 --> 00:23:15,713 - Clea is not coming back. - What if she does? 335 00:23:15,738 --> 00:23:18,393 Michael, they found her car on the Severn Bridge. 336 00:23:18,418 --> 00:23:20,153 Yes, and she wasn't in it. 337 00:23:20,178 --> 00:23:22,353 Mate, I don't know whether I miss her as much as you do, 338 00:23:22,378 --> 00:23:24,198 I think about her every day. 339 00:23:24,938 --> 00:23:26,581 She was my sister. 340 00:23:27,578 --> 00:23:29,073 But there's nothing I could have done. 341 00:23:29,098 --> 00:23:30,658 And I've made my peace with that. 342 00:23:31,738 --> 00:23:33,618 This Christmas it'll be seven years. 343 00:23:34,898 --> 00:23:36,898 We can apply for a presumption of death. 344 00:23:38,178 --> 00:23:39,778 I want the house back, Michael. 345 00:23:40,938 --> 00:23:43,153 - It belongs to me. - What are you going to do, move in? 346 00:23:43,178 --> 00:23:44,353 No, I'm going to sell it. 347 00:23:44,378 --> 00:23:46,593 Well, I'll stay on until you find a buyer. 348 00:23:46,618 --> 00:23:49,393 No-one's going to buy it, the state it's in. 349 00:23:49,418 --> 00:23:52,713 Needs to be cleared out, there might be structural damage, 350 00:23:52,738 --> 00:23:54,713 - there might be... - I've got to go. 351 00:23:54,738 --> 00:23:57,513 For Christ's sake, Michael, I drove past there this afternoon. 352 00:23:57,538 --> 00:23:59,833 The guttering's hanging off, the garden's impenetrable, 353 00:23:59,858 --> 00:24:01,713 Christ knows what it's like inside. 354 00:24:01,738 --> 00:24:04,673 It's time to take your head out of the sand, mate. 355 00:24:04,698 --> 00:24:05,898 She's not coming back! 356 00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:33,993 Good evening, Olive, you all right, love? 357 00:24:34,018 --> 00:24:35,913 Hello, Michael. 358 00:24:35,938 --> 00:24:37,988 What's that... Fertiliser? 359 00:24:38,378 --> 00:24:41,713 No, these plants are all plastic. Don't need watering, 360 00:24:41,738 --> 00:24:42,953 don't need fertilising. 361 00:24:42,978 --> 00:24:46,673 Oh, right, so what is that you were sprinkling? 362 00:24:46,698 --> 00:24:48,273 Slug pellets. 363 00:24:48,298 --> 00:24:51,553 Sorry, if the flowers are plastic, what are the slugs eating? 364 00:24:51,578 --> 00:24:52,993 The slug pellets. 365 00:24:53,018 --> 00:24:54,713 Oh, right. 366 00:24:54,738 --> 00:24:56,473 Cheerio, then. 367 00:24:56,498 --> 00:25:00,593 Oh, I tell you who I saw here today. 368 00:25:00,618 --> 00:25:01,953 Yeah. Who was that? 369 00:25:01,978 --> 00:25:04,113 Your brother-in-law, Roy. 370 00:25:04,138 --> 00:25:05,298 He was looking for you. 371 00:25:10,778 --> 00:25:13,858 Well, I'd say let the robots take over. 372 00:25:16,738 --> 00:25:19,778 - Hiya, Michael! Olive! You all right? - Yeah. 373 00:25:20,938 --> 00:25:22,418 - Hello, Michael. - Hello, Bev. 374 00:25:29,458 --> 00:25:30,578 Best be off, Olive. 375 00:25:31,738 --> 00:25:32,858 Cheerio, then, Mike. 376 00:25:34,778 --> 00:25:36,873 We were never married. 377 00:25:36,898 --> 00:25:38,313 What's that, love? 378 00:25:38,338 --> 00:25:41,353 It's just you said brother-in-law, 379 00:25:41,378 --> 00:25:42,593 but Clea and I, 380 00:25:42,618 --> 00:25:44,538 well, we were never married. 381 00:25:46,578 --> 00:25:47,698 Cheerio! 382 00:26:46,941 --> 00:26:48,644 _ 383 00:27:02,426 --> 00:27:05,144 _ 384 00:27:49,778 --> 00:27:52,178 Elliot! Come in, lad. 385 00:28:24,650 --> 00:28:30,520 CREDITS