1
00:00:00,262 --> 00:00:01,867
CLAIRE: Ready for your big camping trip?

2
00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:03,081
You sure you got everything you need?

3
00:00:03,106 --> 00:00:05,974
Everything but the one thing
I'd truly be lost without...

4
00:00:06,009 --> 00:00:09,530
Your Camry.
My GPS is broken. Can we trade cars?

5
00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:14,020
I recently left my real-estate partners
to strike out on my own.

6
00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:17,723
But before facing the wilds
of the housing market,

7
00:00:17,758 --> 00:00:21,028
I'm gonna boost my confidence
with six rugged nights of camping

8
00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,974
at Yosemite National Park
and one at the Kawayu Lodge.

9
00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:26,787
I'm... I'm concerned, of course,

10
00:00:26,822 --> 00:00:29,278
about readjusting to civilization,

11
00:00:29,313 --> 00:00:31,913
so I've reserved the garden suite

12
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,182
in case I'm more comfortable
sleeping outside.

13
00:00:35,706 --> 00:00:39,680
Uh... only because I am picturing myself

14
00:00:39,715 --> 00:00:41,983
in a line of people
sweeping the woods with flashlights,

15
00:00:42,018 --> 00:00:45,192
are you sure a week
in the woods is a good idea?

16
00:00:45,227 --> 00:00:47,426
Sweetheart, if anything,
I'm over prepared.

17
00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:50,172
I have two weeks worth of food,
water purifiers...

18
00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:51,806
a flare gun.

19
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,474
Oh, don't wave that thing around
in the house.

20
00:00:53,509 --> 00:00:54,523
Give me a little bit of credit.

21
00:00:54,558 --> 00:00:56,302
I'm not gonna shoot off
a flare gun in the house.

22
00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:11,970
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com

23
00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:16,234
Hey, Lily, the library is saying
that "Stripey the Zebracorn"

24
00:01:16,303 --> 00:01:18,937
is two months overdue?
What... what's that about?

25
00:01:19,005 --> 00:01:21,940
We have a new librarian,
and she's a little...

26
00:01:22,008 --> 00:01:23,808
She's been drunk e-mailing a lot.

27
00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:25,410
Oh, that poor thing.

28
00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:27,145
Lily, go find that book.

29
00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:29,247
And the fine's coming
out of your allowance.

30
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:31,516
You'll really believe anything,
won't you?

31
00:01:31,585 --> 00:01:33,918
- I will not.
- Really? Okay...

32
00:01:33,987 --> 00:01:36,054
Um, hey, remember when you
had your grandmother

33
00:01:36,122 --> 00:01:38,823
ship us a certain Appalachian hex poppet

34
00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:40,786
because you thought our
house had evil spirits?

35
00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:42,405
Okay, yeah.
Do you have a better explanation

36
00:01:42,462 --> 00:01:44,849
of why there were cries and giggles
echoing through our walls?

37
00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,366
Yes. Our contractor found this
in one of the vents.

38
00:01:48,435 --> 00:01:49,500
Listen...

39
00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,072
Yeah, I think it's one of those dolls
they give high-school girls

40
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:55,773
who are high risk for getting pregnant?

41
00:01:55,842 --> 00:01:58,409
When would one of those girls
have been in this house?

42
00:01:59,546 --> 00:02:02,547
I think I was babysitting Lily,

43
00:02:02,616 --> 00:02:05,416
and I kinda remember it
turning into a party situation.

44
00:02:05,485 --> 00:02:08,586
You know, I sort of recall
the air conditioning blasting

45
00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:10,288
and I had to shove something
in the vent to block it,

46
00:02:10,357 --> 00:02:13,258
which was pretty responsible,
considering my friend Alicia

47
00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:15,493
brought her actual baby there.

48
00:02:15,562 --> 00:02:18,396
So many teens going down the wrong path.
I see it every day.

49
00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:20,498
Uh, seems like you're trying
to change the subject

50
00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:21,699
from you being gullible.

51
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:23,801
Only because I have
a more pressing concern.

52
00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,237
Today, I have to oversee
my first detention

53
00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:27,739
as acting vice principal,

54
00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:29,440
and I'm... I've just been
racking my brain

55
00:02:29,509 --> 00:02:31,075
of how I'm gonna reach these kids.

56
00:02:31,144 --> 00:02:33,678
It's, uh, detention. How about
"shut up and do your homework"?

57
00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:39,350
What's... what's wrong with her?
Should I get the hex poppet?

58
00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:41,185
I'm just cry-talking.

59
00:02:41,254 --> 00:02:43,288
- I threw my neck out changing Cal.
- Oh, no.

60
00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:46,124
Now whenever I move,
all of me comes with it.

61
00:02:46,192 --> 00:02:47,425
Oh, gosh. Oh, you know what?

62
00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:52,463
Why don't you let us take baby Cal,
and you go get yourself a rubdown.

63
00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:56,701
You're an angel.
Shouldn't be but a few hours.

64
00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,104
Hey, are you an even bigger
rube than I thought?

65
00:03:00,173 --> 00:03:01,639
There's nothing wrong with her neck.

66
00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,341
- Oh my God, the baby!
- What?!

67
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,043
No!

68
00:03:05,111 --> 00:03:07,378
He... he winked at me.

69
00:03:07,447 --> 00:03:08,579
JAY: You're gonna love it, Joe.

70
00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:11,783
My dad took me to an air show like this
for my 12th birthday.

71
00:03:11,851 --> 00:03:15,920
We saw Blue Angels, fighter jets,
a B-52 bomber.

72
00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:18,275
- Something got bombed?
- Well, my dad.

73
00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:20,224
He got in a drinking contest
with some fly boys.

74
00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:23,294
But that just made it extra fun,
'cause I got to drive us home.

75
00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:27,265
GLORIA: Joe, why is the fort
still in the middle of the living room?

76
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,767
- I need it.
- For what? Apaches?

77
00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,337
- Are you being attacked?
- Feels like it.

78
00:03:32,405 --> 00:03:34,839
Take it down.
I've told you three times already.

79
00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:37,742
If you don't do it now,
we're not going to the air show.

80
00:03:37,811 --> 00:03:40,050
Wait, no fair! Why am I being punished?

81
00:03:40,781 --> 00:03:43,715
MANNY: Oh, I didn't expect
you guys to be home.

82
00:03:43,783 --> 00:03:45,316
Uh, we're just gonna use the pool.

83
00:03:45,385 --> 00:03:47,552
- Jay, Gloria...
- Gloria?

84
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,588
This is Dr. Karen Fisk.
She's a movement teacher at my school.

85
00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:51,923
Your son is very talented.

86
00:03:51,992 --> 00:03:54,989
Well, it's always very nice
to meet one of Manny's teachers.

87
00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:57,095
Why don't I get us something to drink

88
00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,565
and maybe some delicious brownies
that I was about to throw away

89
00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,800
because they're only
for the good children!

90
00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,370
Keep your brownies!

91
00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:07,772
It's cute, that grown-up routine

92
00:04:07,841 --> 00:04:10,074
Manny's putting on
to impress his girlfriend.

93
00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:12,977
She's not his girlfriend.
She's his teacher.

94
00:04:13,046 --> 00:04:15,747
Gloria, he brought her home
when he thought no one would be around.

95
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:18,182
Manny has been
bringing his teachers home

96
00:04:18,251 --> 00:04:19,784
since he was a little kid.

97
00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:23,406
His 9th birthday party
turned into a PTA meeting.

98
00:04:23,441 --> 00:04:26,952
Gloria, I think you're just not seeing
what you don't want to see.

99
00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:29,439
Believe me, Jay, I see everything.

100
00:04:31,356 --> 00:04:33,010
CLAIRE: The dentist says
your new mouth guard

101
00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,113
should be there tomorrow.

102
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,733
Alex, I am sure you can
make it through one night...

103
00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:40,900
I-I don't know, hit the materials lab
and whip up some mouth flubber.

104
00:04:40,902 --> 00:04:42,135
Oh, Claire, thank goodness.

105
00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,470
- There was a bit of a trucking mix-up.
- Mm-hmm.

106
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:47,652
Irving was sent to Julian
and can't get to Visalia.

107
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:51,875
Well, send Dustin to Visalia
and have Irving hit Julian and Ramona.

108
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,258
Dustin can't hit Visalia
and also Irvine.

109
00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:57,746
- Well, can Julia hit Irvine?
- Not Irvine and Tustin.

110
00:04:57,781 --> 00:05:00,382
Fine... Send Julia to Julian,
Ramón to Ramona,

111
00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,185
Dustin to Tustin, Irving to Irvine,

112
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:03,993
and I'll drive the damn truck
to Visalia!

113
00:05:04,028 --> 00:05:06,358
- You?
- Yes, of course me, Margaret!

114
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,651
'Cause I have to handle
everything anyhow!

115
00:05:08,686 --> 00:05:12,965
- If not me, who?
- Oh, no. Mi Hu is going to Carlsbad.

116
00:05:14,459 --> 00:05:16,626
These are your future,

117
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:20,597
and they're headed... out...

118
00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:23,132
the window... never to return.

119
00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:24,300
You drop this, Coach?

120
00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:26,135
Yes.

121
00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:28,671
Oh, it must be Halloween,

122
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:29,806
because somebody's
passing out snickers!

123
00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:32,208
- Shane?
- Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

124
00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:34,711
Oh, it's okay, Shane. I know your type.

125
00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:36,579
Tough guy. Know it all.

126
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,848
It's like looking in a mirror.
That's right, Shane.

127
00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:40,083
I was you.

128
00:05:40,151 --> 00:05:42,118
Till a local sheriff put me in jail.

129
00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:45,350
In a little program
called Scared Straight,

130
00:05:45,385 --> 00:05:47,237
which, now that I'm saying it out loud,

131
00:05:47,272 --> 00:05:48,735
could have had a double meaning.

132
00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,946
24 hours in the joint

133
00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:54,364
with some of the most dangerous
characters this side of Hell.

134
00:05:54,432 --> 00:05:56,399
Maybe, uh...

135
00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,031
Maybe you'd like to meet some of them.

136
00:06:01,536 --> 00:06:02,969
I don't know what you're lookin' at,

137
00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:06,605
'cause I don't ever remember
sellin' you a lookin' license!

138
00:06:07,843 --> 00:06:10,653
Hey, it must be 5:00 a.m.

139
00:06:10,688 --> 00:06:11,812
outside the McDonald's,

140
00:06:11,847 --> 00:06:14,684
because the fresh meat
just got delivered!

141
00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,732
And the Weasel likes fresh meat!

142
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,303
Hey, you back off him!
That new boy's mine!

143
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:23,304
Oh...Uncle Cam...

144
00:06:23,623 --> 00:06:24,624
"Like."

145
00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:27,126
My friend, Billy. Billy Club.

146
00:06:27,195 --> 00:06:29,562
- Ay, Cam...
- Whack!

147
00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,075
"Like."

148
00:06:31,164 --> 00:06:33,628
MARGARET: Do you even know
how to drive a truck?

149
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,293
No, Margaret, I don't...

150
00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:36,934
but unlike the rest of the world,

151
00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:40,201
sometimes I just
figure things out on my own.

152
00:06:42,011 --> 00:06:43,675
Backing up...

153
00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:49,207
Shut up, Margaret.

154
00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:51,792
Survival vlog, entry one.

155
00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:54,228
After a five-mile hike
and ride down some rapids,

156
00:06:54,296 --> 00:06:55,996
I've decided to make my camp here.

157
00:06:56,265 --> 00:06:57,731
The rapids were treacherous.

158
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,066
I took on water

159
00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:01,301
and quickly realized
my only chance for survival

160
00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,403
was to push my companion overboard...

161
00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:05,472
my constant companion...

162
00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:06,873
fear.

163
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,108
Please stay out of my blind spot.

164
00:07:09,177 --> 00:07:11,878
Merging. Merging!

165
00:07:11,946 --> 00:07:13,146
Sorry!

166
00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:14,380
PHIL: Here's the thing.

167
00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,816
In the wild, you either shrink
from the challenge,

168
00:07:16,885 --> 00:07:18,384
or you realize that confidence
is half the battle

169
00:07:18,453 --> 00:07:20,786
and you become
the master of your environment.

170
00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:22,988
Okay...

171
00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:24,256
All right.

172
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,625
Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

173
00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:28,260
This isn't so bad.

174
00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:29,561
Yeah.

175
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:32,541
That's right, Prius... move it.

176
00:07:32,546 --> 00:07:33,562
PHIL: Yep.

177
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,088
Sometimes it's just a matter of
thrusting your chest out,

178
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,733
staking your claim...

179
00:07:37,768 --> 00:07:39,250
and letting nature know

180
00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:41,644
there's a new sheriff in town.

181
00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:53,369
This chorizo, these plantains,
it's all so delicious.

182
00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,504
When did you develop
a taste for Colombian?

183
00:07:55,573 --> 00:07:57,272
It's called bandeja paisa.

184
00:07:57,341 --> 00:08:00,885
Oh talented, smart and speaks Spanish.

185
00:08:01,912 --> 00:08:02,912
Oh, please.

186
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,280
Everybody wants to touch those cheeks.

187
00:08:05,349 --> 00:08:07,216
He looks like one of those babies

188
00:08:07,284 --> 00:08:10,485
that blow a cloud
across the ceiling of a church.

189
00:08:10,547 --> 00:08:13,348
So, tell us, Dr. Karen,
what do you teach?

190
00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:15,302
Well, the best way would be to show you.

191
00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:18,119
- Why don't we find our legs?
- Fun.

192
00:08:18,188 --> 00:08:20,455
- Now stand beside me and follow along.
- Mm-hmm.

193
00:08:20,524 --> 00:08:25,493
Imagine you're carrying
two pails of water.

194
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:26,967
Uh-huh. Deep breath.

195
00:08:27,036 --> 00:08:29,112
No, no, no.
Your chest shouldn't be lifting.

196
00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,604
Come place your hands on my neck.

197
00:08:33,342 --> 00:08:35,642
Do you feel how still
and open my breathing is?

198
00:08:35,711 --> 00:08:38,745
- Oh, a little sensitive there.
- Yeah, you have a little bite there.

199
00:08:38,814 --> 00:08:40,414
Oh, my bad.

200
00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:42,416
Okay, that's a little tight.

201
00:08:42,484 --> 00:08:45,085
But I can see where Manny
gets his soft hands from!

202
00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:47,621
- Oh, that's very, very eye-opening.
- MANNY: Mom. Mom.

203
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,490
Uh, let's check on the dessert
in the kitchen.

204
00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,929
What kind of schools
allow a teacher to date a student?

205
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,285
I'm guessing any art school.

206
00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:59,688
He can't date a 30-year-old.

207
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,861
Manny's still a child.

208
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,758
Manny wasn't a child when I met him.

209
00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:05,639
Look, there was a 10-year period

210
00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,041
where there was at least one empty chair

211
00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:10,110
at my house every Thanksgiving
because I had a lot to say

212
00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:11,912
about who Mitchell and Claire
were dating.

213
00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:15,782
So learn from my one and only
parental mistake.

214
00:09:16,652 --> 00:09:20,103
Uh, maybe Karen and I should head out.
I'm sensing some tension.

215
00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:22,022
No, no, no. This is your house,

216
00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,058
and you're supposed to be
comfortable here.

217
00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,256
So, just hang out.

218
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,691
Have more wine.

219
00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,593
And don't worry about driving.

220
00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:32,428
You can spend the night here tonight.

221
00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,729
Are you sure, Mom?

222
00:09:33,798 --> 00:09:36,799
Yeah, I'm sure.
I'll go get some more wine.

223
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:39,835
Any tips on how she moves?

224
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:42,271
- I've never seen anything like it.
- Right?

225
00:09:44,035 --> 00:09:46,175
- Hello, Shane.
- Acting Vice Principal Tucker.

226
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,477
I know you think
you're pretty cute right now,

227
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,979
but before this day is done,

228
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,905
I will get you to admit
you sent out that video.

229
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,108
I did send out that video.

230
00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:56,785
- I knew you'd crack.
- Look, uh...

231
00:09:56,854 --> 00:10:00,489
I'm sorry. I just really need
these kids to accept me.

232
00:10:00,524 --> 00:10:01,689
No, Shane, you don't.

233
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:04,161
Because they're popular,
you think you need their approval.

234
00:10:06,142 --> 00:10:07,513
I'm a cop.

235
00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:08,883
Oh, are you, now?

236
00:10:08,918 --> 00:10:11,722
There's concern
about some drug traffic at this school.

237
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,223
I am here, undercover, to shut it down.

238
00:10:14,258 --> 00:10:16,921
Okay, yeah.

239
00:10:17,759 --> 00:10:19,992
Okay, well, I kind of
always knew you were police.

240
00:10:20,027 --> 00:10:22,844
Well, sure.
You're law enforcement, too.

241
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:25,084
- We know our own.
- Cop eyes.

242
00:10:25,812 --> 00:10:29,542
- Cop eyes.
- Okay. So what's the play?

243
00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,891
There's this new designer drug
called Dexomorphone.

244
00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:33,593
- Mm-hmm.
- Kids are calling them "Dum-Dums."

245
00:10:33,628 --> 00:10:35,548
So there's this big deal
going down tonight

246
00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:37,598
on the north campus
during the basketball game.

247
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,870
- And you want my help with the bust.
- Yes.

248
00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:43,360
By being nowhere near there.
I don't want to spook these dealers.

249
00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:47,464
Copy that. But in case you need backup,
I should be near north campus.

250
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,600
Or nowhere near there.

251
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:52,202
Or there...

252
00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:54,905
but slouched down in my car
so no one sees me.

253
00:10:55,553 --> 00:10:58,175
- Or at your house.
- Right.

254
00:10:58,244 --> 00:10:59,610
Okay.

255
00:11:00,078 --> 00:11:01,444
Cop eyes.

256
00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:04,419
Okay. Okay.

257
00:11:04,488 --> 00:11:06,688
Are we gonna go outside?
Yes, we are.

258
00:11:07,924 --> 00:11:08,957
Careful.

259
00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,825
How many times have
I told you not to leave this here?

260
00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:11,993
Someone's gonna trip on it.

261
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,763
There's a lot going on with
me right now. My body's changing.

262
00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:16,131
Okay. You always use that.

263
00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:18,400
Hey, today, you're gonna
learn about responsibility.

264
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:21,236
Today, you are gonna
take care of a baby.

265
00:11:21,304 --> 00:11:23,605
Do you want a toy?

266
00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:27,909
Little tough love.
Long overdo, if you ask me.

267
00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:29,894
But it's gonna be good for you, sweetie.

268
00:11:29,962 --> 00:11:32,096
He's crying.

269
00:11:32,165 --> 00:11:33,531
Well, that's what babies do.

270
00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:37,702
You just got to pick it up,
and you got to soothe it.

271
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:41,405
- All right, then. Okay.
- It's okay.

272
00:11:41,474 --> 00:11:42,873
- It worked.
- Good.

273
00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:45,042
Just keep it up for
the rest of the afternoon.

274
00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:47,044
Wait! I don't know
what I'm supposed to do!

275
00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:49,246
Well, welcome to being a parent.

276
00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:53,420
Survival vlog number two.

277
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:57,524
Um...I descended into the water
attempting to retrieve my gear.

278
00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,127
I encountered slippery rocks...

279
00:12:00,196 --> 00:12:02,429
...a cold, brisk current,

280
00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:04,365
and although I have
no photographic evidence of it,

281
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,567
a sea serpent.

282
00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:10,437
My ensuing thrashing
stunned a passing trout.

283
00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:14,041
I then foraged
some wild blueberries and honey

284
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,044
from what turned out to be a not...

285
00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:20,414
altogether abandoned hive.

286
00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:23,617
Just goes to show you...

287
00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:26,153
I don't need all that fancy equipment.

288
00:12:26,222 --> 00:12:29,056
Phil Dunphy can survive
in the wild, even...

289
00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,295
Ha! Ha!

290
00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:37,564
That sounded big, didn't it?

291
00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,234
Good thing I smell like
berries, honey, and raw fish,

292
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,770
so I'm basically all three courses
of a bear's favorite meal!

293
00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:49,991
That's right.

294
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,006
Watch them scatter.

295
00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,633
- PHIL: Hello?
- Oh, hi, honey!

296
00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:56,551
I've been out of cell range
for most of the day.

297
00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,751
I just wanted to check in,
see how you're doing.

298
00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,620
Oh. Great, great.

299
00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:02,389
The air, the, uh... the trees...

300
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,891
Moss only grows on
the north side of trees, right?

301
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,728
I feel like I might be
walking in circles.

302
00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:10,197
Is there something called, uh,
fool's moss?

303
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:11,398
I don't know.

304
00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:12,833
You sound out of breath.
Is everything okay?

305
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,302
No, Claire, I'm worried that a bear

306
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:18,671
or even a family of bears is hunting me.

307
00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,180
Of course I'm okay.

308
00:13:20,248 --> 00:13:21,581
I've only been out here
for a couple hours.

309
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,550
Uh, uh, what kind of man
do you think I am?

310
00:13:23,618 --> 00:13:25,952
Well, it sounds like
we're both having an adventure.

311
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:28,221
I just got on a scale,
and guess how much I weigh.

312
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:29,656
5 tons!

313
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,225
Yeah, well, we all put on a few
around the holidays.

314
00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:34,260
Mwah! Let me call you back
a little later.

315
00:13:34,329 --> 00:13:36,883
Meanwhile, uh, I am sending you a pic

316
00:13:36,918 --> 00:13:40,005
of me enjoying nature
at my last known location

317
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,262
in my very identifiable
red Gore-Tex jacket.

318
00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:43,977
Anyhoo, leave a check out
for the gardener,

319
00:13:44,046 --> 00:13:45,345
and you gave my life meaning.

320
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,837
You're a giggly one, aren't ya?
Oh, I miss that sound.

321
00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:53,205
Hi. Can I look?

322
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,274
Hey, Lily, how's it going?

323
00:13:55,343 --> 00:13:57,676
I'm trying my best,
but I don't really know what I'm doing.

324
00:13:57,745 --> 00:13:59,754
Well, better to make
your mistakes on this one.

325
00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,804
You know?

326
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,047
Oh, hold on one second.

327
00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:03,749
Oh, someone's sending me
a video of daddy.

328
00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:06,752
- Hey!
- No, not the Weasel. Okay.

329
00:14:06,821 --> 00:14:08,225
Honey, I got to call
you back, all right?

330
00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:09,268
Wait!

331
00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:10,844
God, he must be so humiliated.

332
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:12,424
You know he's a doll.

333
00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:14,259
Thank you. Thank you. That's sweet.
Thank you.

334
00:14:14,632 --> 00:14:15,931
Mitchell.

335
00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:17,323
- Cam.
- Hey, hey, hey!

336
00:14:17,392 --> 00:14:20,282
I saw that video that's going around.
I am so sorry.

337
00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:21,361
Oh, doesn't bother me.

338
00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:23,596
Good! Good, 'cause it shouldn't,
you know?

339
00:14:23,665 --> 00:14:24,864
You're just trying to make a difference.

340
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,166
If those kids don't appreciate that,
that is their loss.

341
00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:28,568
- Yeah. And...
- Mm-hmm.

342
00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:32,429
- ...it's part of a big sting operation.
- What?

343
00:14:32,464 --> 00:14:33,973
So, I shouldn't be telling you this,

344
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,376
but Shane, the guy who shot the video,

345
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:40,161
is actually an undercover cop.

346
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,562
- Oh.
- Yeah, and he did the video

347
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,032
to sort of, like, humiliate me
to get some street cred.

348
00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:48,699
And there's a big drug deal
going on tonight,

349
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,334
but he wants me to steer clear.

350
00:14:50,402 --> 00:14:53,103
Is anyone else aware of
Shane's "21 Jump Street" double life?

351
00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:56,840
Well, he's not gonna
broadcast it out loud for everyone.

352
00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:59,309
But you did get some paperwork
or identification?

353
00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:02,045
Okay. You know what?
I think it's hilarious that

354
00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:04,148
the person you don't trust is a hero,

355
00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:07,221
who's helping fight the Dexomorphone
problem that's plaguing...

356
00:15:07,256 --> 00:15:09,609
- I'm sorry. What?
- The street name is "Dum-Dums,"

357
00:15:09,644 --> 00:15:12,240
and Shane says
there's literally Dum-Dums everywhere.

358
00:15:12,275 --> 00:15:15,076
Okay. So, Shane...

359
00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:18,083
not a 16-year-old drug dealer
who enjoys humiliating you...

360
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,121
but a baby-faced police officer,
has deputized you,

361
00:15:21,156 --> 00:15:23,879
and your first assignment
is to stay as far away as possible

362
00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:26,812
from a huge "Dum-Dum" deal
that's about to go down?

363
00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:29,030
Cam, I mean, come...
I love how trusting you are,

364
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,629
but when you start missing things
that are that obvious,

365
00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:34,302
then, well, you know,
I don't have to say anything more.

366
00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,082
You know, I can finish up here
if you want to go upstairs.

367
00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:42,753
Nah, nah, I'm fine.

368
00:15:42,821 --> 00:15:44,521
You know, um...

369
00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:47,124
Mom really surprised me before.

370
00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,993
This is the first time
she's treating me like an adult.

371
00:15:50,062 --> 00:15:51,395
And Karen's great.

372
00:15:51,463 --> 00:15:53,530
I mean, It's nice to be
with a mature woman,

373
00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:54,898
someone with experience.

374
00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,967
So you two haven't slept together, huh?

375
00:15:59,471 --> 00:16:02,606
She suggested we come here. I said fine.

376
00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:05,008
You don't know how relieved I was
you guys were home.

377
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:06,576
But then Mom was so cool with it.

378
00:16:06,645 --> 00:16:09,953
I mean, where's the crazy Colombian
the one time I need her?

379
00:16:09,988 --> 00:16:11,102
This is dry.

380
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,589
But you like Karen, right?

381
00:16:15,657 --> 00:16:18,458
A lot, but, I mean...

382
00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:19,993
bad enough she's older than I am,

383
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,361
she's also a movement professor.

384
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,529
I swear to God, before today,

385
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:25,164
I'd never heard those two words
together. Now it's all I hear.

386
00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:27,934
Look...

387
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,637
it's normal to be nervous.

388
00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:32,205
Don't do anything you're not ready for.

389
00:16:33,028 --> 00:16:35,562
Talk to her about what you're feeling.

390
00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:38,331
You'll be surprised
how much easier things get

391
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,134
after one honest conversation.

392
00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,004
Thanks, Jay.

393
00:16:45,974 --> 00:16:47,274
One down, one to go.

394
00:16:47,342 --> 00:16:49,209
Joe?! You ready to talk?

395
00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,613
JOE: For oatmeal raisin?
Don't waste my time.

396
00:16:54,182 --> 00:16:56,616
- Is this stuff any good?
- It better be.

397
00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,118
I laid out half
my bar mitzvah bonds to get it.

398
00:16:58,186 --> 00:17:00,120
Sick movie of Coach Tucker,
by the way.

399
00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:02,856
Glad you enjoyed the film, boys.

400
00:17:02,925 --> 00:17:04,090
Now you can be in one of your own!

401
00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:06,426
- What the hell are you doing?!
- My job.

402
00:17:06,495 --> 00:17:08,695
I guess I really am a vice principal.

403
00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:10,137
A Miami vice principal...

404
00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:12,339
No, I guess it doesn't really
need the "Miami," does it.

405
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,529
I can't believe this.

406
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:15,464
You're busted. What do we got here?

407
00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:17,500
Oh, let me guess...
your... your drug money,

408
00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:20,903
walkie-talkie. What's this? A badge.

409
00:17:20,972 --> 00:17:23,572
Wow.

410
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,113
Mitchell's really
gonna owe you an apology.

411
00:17:25,182 --> 00:17:26,214
Mm.

412
00:17:31,855 --> 00:17:34,022
Drive strong, brother.

413
00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:39,760
PHIL: Hey, Claire.

414
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,329
Hi, honey. How's it going?

415
00:17:41,397 --> 00:17:43,664
Just sitting here by
a perfect mountain stream.

416
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:47,334
Nothing beats the raw beauty
of the great outdoors.

417
00:17:47,464 --> 00:17:48,730
How's everything going there?

418
00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:50,465
Couldn't be better.

419
00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:53,201
I'm on my way home now,
but we were down a driver,

420
00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:56,538
so I got to drive a truck today,
and I'm loving it.

421
00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:58,773
Makes me feel like a real man.

422
00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,442
Yeah? What's that feel like?

423
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:02,843
Something going on with you?

424
00:18:04,014 --> 00:18:09,684
Honey, I haven't been, uh,
totally honest with you.

425
00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:12,653
I didn't quit
Woosnam, Keneally & Dunphy.

426
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:15,313
They... They asked me to leave.

427
00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:17,448
Oh, honey. What happened?

428
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:21,352
Well, you know, those guys have
always been super aggressive,

429
00:18:21,445 --> 00:18:22,478
and they didn't feel like

430
00:18:22,547 --> 00:18:28,250
I have the same killer instinct
that... that they do.

431
00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:29,885
Maybe they're right.

432
00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:33,105
Is that what this whole
crazy camping thing is about?

433
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,312
Proving how tough you are?

434
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,580
Maybe, a little,

435
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,116
especially since
I'll be going out on my own.

436
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,152
Phil, this is a huge thing
you've been going through.

437
00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:43,290
Why didn't you say something?

438
00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,593
Well, you've had such a busy week.

439
00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:47,695
I don't want to be another fire
you had to put out.

440
00:18:47,764 --> 00:18:49,497
Okay, listen to me.

441
00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:53,000
Remember how terrified I was
when I took over for my dad?

442
00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:55,603
The night before my first day
in the big office,

443
00:18:55,671 --> 00:18:59,974
I was up, heart pounding,
pacing a hole in the living-room floor.

444
00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,243
And suddenly, you were there.

445
00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:05,713
You just put your arms around me,
and it made me realize

446
00:19:05,782 --> 00:19:07,796
I'm not going through this alone.

447
00:19:09,852 --> 00:19:11,318
So forget your idiot partners

448
00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,387
and whatever it is
you're trying to prove

449
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:14,989
with this stupid camping trip.

450
00:19:15,058 --> 00:19:19,130
You're great at what you do, and also...

451
00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,196
What? How... How...

452
00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:25,387
I'm gonna hang up now.
I love you. Goodbye.

453
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,958
You didn't sound so good on the phone.

454
00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:32,562
I called the hotel,
and they said you checked in early.

455
00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:34,582
Honey, I know I like to complain

456
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:37,085
about people coming to me
to solve their problems,

457
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:39,687
but don't you dare
not come to me with yours.

458
00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:41,089
By the way, if you don't want people

459
00:19:41,157 --> 00:19:42,991
to come to you to solve
their problems all the time,

460
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,126
maybe don't be so good at it.

461
00:19:45,195 --> 00:19:47,061
- Mm.
- Mm.

462
00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,998
- Mm.
- Well...

463
00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,144
Now that you're so into the wild...

464
00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:56,314
I like where this is going.

465
00:19:56,383 --> 00:19:58,983
- Rawr!
- Don't...do that, please.

466
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,714
You okay?

467
00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:07,583
Joe is sleeping in a fort downstairs,

468
00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:11,353
and Manny's upstairs
sleeping with a doctor.

469
00:20:11,422 --> 00:20:13,052
I don't know what the rules are anymore.

470
00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:15,958
No one does, but for what it's worth,
I think you made the right call.

471
00:20:16,027 --> 00:20:18,561
I am at least winning
one of these fights.

472
00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:20,963
Storming the fort?

473
00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:24,700
I'm gonna go and drag him out of there
and put him in his bed.

474
00:20:24,769 --> 00:20:28,504
I'm still bigger than Joe,
even though that Manny's, like...

475
00:20:30,007 --> 00:20:31,674
Trust me.

476
00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:35,010
The little boy in Manny isn't gone yet.

477
00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:47,256
â(Trademark)ª

478
00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,358
LILY: Finally! Where have you been?

479
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,492
I have been out walking Cal
and guess who's right behind me.

480
00:20:54,517 --> 00:20:55,762
Actually, I've been the one who...

481
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:58,956
Who will be going to Disneyland
if she plays her cards right.

482
00:20:58,981 --> 00:21:00,181
PAM: Where's my little angel?

483
00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:02,797
Oh, hey, hey! Tell me about
your rubdown, huh?

484
00:21:02,822 --> 00:21:04,222
- Oh!
- Oh, boy!

485
00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:05,666
Oh, I cant get it.

486
00:21:05,905 --> 00:21:09,373
Now I'm so free and loose I cant pick up
anything, move around.

487
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,798
Yep, I'm like an owl.

488
00:21:10,823 --> 00:21:13,328
Oh, there's my little angel!

489
00:21:13,353 --> 00:21:16,435
You know what? Thanks for this.
Let me treat you to a bite.

490
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:17,473
- Oh!
- Come on!

491
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,683
Lily, we'll be right back.

492
00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:21,097
- How was he?
- So quiet, so easy!

493
00:21:21,122 --> 00:21:26,122
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com