1 00:00:03,707 --> 00:00:06,490 All right the happy couple is three minutes out. 2 00:00:06,514 --> 00:00:07,525 This is so romantic. 3 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,629 This lady has no idea she's about to adopt a kid 4 00:00:09,653 --> 00:00:11,733 and then get proposed to on the same day. 5 00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:12,797 Couple goals! 6 00:00:12,826 --> 00:00:13,871 Yeah. Wow. 7 00:00:13,895 --> 00:00:14,940 Just what every woman wants. 8 00:00:14,964 --> 00:00:17,612 To take care of two living things until they die. 9 00:00:17,636 --> 00:00:19,950 What a great way to start a marriage. 10 00:00:19,974 --> 00:00:21,418 Through deception. 11 00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,681 I hid Maya's ring in a cupcake. 12 00:00:23,715 --> 00:00:27,163 And then I forgot about it, and I ate it. 13 00:00:27,187 --> 00:00:28,900 And then I went to the hospital. 14 00:00:28,924 --> 00:00:30,695 Okay. Places, people. 15 00:00:30,728 --> 00:00:32,808 You're coming, you're coming, we're all going. 16 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:33,743 Here you go. 17 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,280 Good! Good, good, good. Good. 18 00:00:35,304 --> 00:00:37,543 They're here. They're here! 19 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:40,588 - Glad we didn't overcomplicate this. - _ 20 00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:45,423 Jessica broke up with me in the parking lot. 21 00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:48,697 Congratulations! 22 00:01:16,359 --> 00:01:19,903 CREDITS 23 00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,499 I miss bath crayons. 24 00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:25,580 You know, you're soakin', you're drawin'. 25 00:01:25,604 --> 00:01:27,518 You make a mistake, you scrub it off the tub. 26 00:01:27,542 --> 00:01:30,557 You fall asleep, you drown in two inches of water. 27 00:01:30,581 --> 00:01:31,481 Sorry. 28 00:01:31,683 --> 00:01:33,362 I finished that story the way I wanted it to end. 29 00:01:33,386 --> 00:01:34,666 Dispatch to Truck 12. 30 00:01:34,690 --> 00:01:36,468 There's an emotional support donkey loose 31 00:01:36,492 --> 00:01:37,872 in Seattle Grace Hospital. 32 00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:39,408 Truck 12 responding. 33 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,345 Hmm. A creature known only for kicking 34 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,447 as a support animal. 35 00:01:42,471 --> 00:01:44,218 At least they're already near the ER. 36 00:01:44,242 --> 00:01:46,188 When I was a boy, I had a hermit crab 37 00:01:46,212 --> 00:01:47,958 with the patience of an angel. 38 00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,896 Turns out it was just a shell. 39 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,533 Nothing inside. But... 40 00:01:51,557 --> 00:01:54,629 that shell got me through some really hard times. 41 00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:57,545 Hey, guys. I've gotten a few calls about 42 00:01:57,569 --> 00:01:59,549 a deceased raccoon in the middle of Boylston Ave, 43 00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,452 Olive Road. Can you pick him up? 44 00:02:01,476 --> 00:02:03,724 Starting the morning with a splat. 45 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,460 We're on it. Do you wanna scoop the splat, 46 00:02:05,484 --> 00:02:06,930 or do you wanna be a bag duty? 47 00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,466 If it's a flat splat, I'll scoop. 48 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:09,936 - Mm-hmm. - They're actually kinda fun. 49 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,673 It's like peeling off nail polish. 50 00:02:11,697 --> 00:02:13,009 Okay, you guys realize 51 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,812 you're still on the radio, right? 52 00:02:14,836 --> 00:02:16,607 Uh... no, we're not, I... 53 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,252 I still got my finger on the button. 54 00:02:18,276 --> 00:02:19,321 - Yeah. - Yeah. 55 00:02:19,345 --> 00:02:20,724 It's just a little too soon, guys. 56 00:02:20,748 --> 00:02:22,261 The raccoon had a family. 57 00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:23,363 It's just shop talk. 58 00:02:23,387 --> 00:02:25,935 You can't take the heat, you get outta the kitchen. 59 00:02:25,959 --> 00:02:26,903 Well, I'm trying to, 60 00:02:26,927 --> 00:02:28,339 but you keep holding down the button. 61 00:02:28,363 --> 00:02:30,443 - Oh, whoops. - Your thumb is on it! 62 00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:34,051 So, a volunteer said the donkey got spooked when a patient 63 00:02:34,075 --> 00:02:36,279 rang the "done with chemo" bell. 64 00:02:39,987 --> 00:02:41,489 Oh. 65 00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:45,598 Hope this isn't contagious. 66 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,747 Hello there, you rough draft of a horse. 67 00:02:48,771 --> 00:02:50,508 There you go. 68 00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,013 All right. Nice. 69 00:02:53,046 --> 00:02:54,717 This place stinks! 70 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:58,500 Nothing good on the TV. And what the hell keeps beepin? 71 00:02:58,524 --> 00:02:59,659 It can't be. 72 00:03:01,196 --> 00:03:02,975 - It's definitely him. - Yeah. 73 00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:04,713 - What happened, Dad? - Nothing. 74 00:03:04,737 --> 00:03:07,776 I just love hangin' around in hospitals. 75 00:03:07,809 --> 00:03:09,679 I had a heart attack! 76 00:03:09,713 --> 00:03:10,791 Ya boob. 77 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,484 Papa Shaw, no! 78 00:03:12,518 --> 00:03:14,298 - Are you okay? - I'm gonna be fine. 79 00:03:14,322 --> 00:03:16,302 Shoot. Maybe we could get a second opinion? 80 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,339 You can ask your new girlfriend here. 81 00:03:18,363 --> 00:03:21,613 There's that classic Shaw family love language. Hate. 82 00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:23,517 I'm gonna call Patrick. I assume you were 83 00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,487 too proud to notify any of your other children? 84 00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:27,858 I'm not proud of anything involving my children. 85 00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:29,428 You know, it's weird that someone with 86 00:03:29,452 --> 00:03:30,564 a charcoal briquette for a heart 87 00:03:30,588 --> 00:03:32,333 could even have a heart attack. 88 00:03:32,357 --> 00:03:34,572 Yeah, a lotta love being hurled around in here. 89 00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:36,929 Can you get that ass outta my room? 90 00:03:38,102 --> 00:03:40,635 You're gonna have to be more specific. 91 00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:43,441 Did you see the look on that dead raccoon's face? 92 00:03:43,466 --> 00:03:44,416 He was like... 93 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:45,961 No, he was more like... 94 00:03:45,985 --> 00:03:47,665 - Like, scared. - Yeah. 95 00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:49,034 - Yeah. - Hey, Patel. 96 00:03:49,058 --> 00:03:50,403 I have some bad news, uh... 97 00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:52,340 Somehow all of the food that was donated for 98 00:03:52,364 --> 00:03:54,646 your community outreach event caught on fire. 99 00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:55,614 Wh... wh-what? 100 00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:56,616 How does that even happen? 101 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:58,720 Yeah, well, we think it might've been a spark 102 00:03:58,744 --> 00:04:00,725 from an electrical wire. I mean, Roman's contractors 103 00:04:00,749 --> 00:04:02,561 really cut a lot of corners putting 104 00:04:02,585 --> 00:04:03,597 this place together, so... 105 00:04:03,621 --> 00:04:06,729 Also, his crew had the worst catcalling game. 106 00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:07,672 Lotta repeats. 107 00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:08,640 Yeah, I do agree with that. 108 00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:11,469 Um, luckily the fire was contained, but, 109 00:04:11,503 --> 00:04:13,817 yeah, all the food is obviously ruined. 110 00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:14,852 I need all that kibble. 111 00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,823 We open up the kennel on Wednesdays to give away 112 00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:18,660 free food to the public. What am I supposed to do? 113 00:04:18,684 --> 00:04:20,664 Just, like, sit there and take in the frowns 114 00:04:20,688 --> 00:04:22,136 and the disappointment like I'm at home? 115 00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:24,171 Well, I would just restock. I mean, you still have money 116 00:04:24,195 --> 00:04:25,473 in the outreach budget, right? 117 00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:26,609 Yeah, that's a good point. 118 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,791 I don't have any of the money! I blew through all of it 119 00:04:28,816 --> 00:04:29,882 for the Sip n' Snip. 120 00:04:29,906 --> 00:04:31,352 I shouldn't have got those swag bags! 121 00:04:31,376 --> 00:04:33,155 Again, still holding down the button! 122 00:04:33,179 --> 00:04:34,115 - Oh! - What do you mean 123 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,661 - the money's gone? - I gotta stop doing that. 124 00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:36,752 Turn her off. 125 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,156 You just have to get creative. 126 00:04:38,181 --> 00:04:39,451 I'll help you. 127 00:04:39,476 --> 00:04:40,478 Thanks. 128 00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:43,142 Did you start the fire? 129 00:04:43,166 --> 00:04:45,781 Accidentally, yeah, I did. I started the fire. 130 00:04:45,805 --> 00:04:47,417 But-I was smoking weed in there. 131 00:04:47,441 --> 00:04:48,687 Mm-hmm. So, let me get this straight. 132 00:04:48,711 --> 00:04:50,590 You were getting high by the dry goods 133 00:04:50,614 --> 00:04:51,782 at the place where you work. 134 00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:55,654 I wasn't getting high. It was one joint. 135 00:04:56,425 --> 00:04:58,439 Would it kill you to get me a cheeseburger? 136 00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:00,734 Dad, are you okay? 137 00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:02,581 I brought you calla lilies. Mom's favorite. 138 00:05:02,605 --> 00:05:04,151 Did you get those at the same drugstore 139 00:05:04,175 --> 00:05:05,554 you buy your tampons? 140 00:05:05,578 --> 00:05:08,445 Thanks for coming. He needed a fresh target. 141 00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,262 Good news, Mr. Shaw. 142 00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:12,702 Your numbers have stabilized, so we're gonna discharge you. 143 00:05:12,726 --> 00:05:15,396 Oh, hey! Let the healing begin. 144 00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:17,077 You sure you don't need to keep him for, like, 145 00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:18,604 a month or two? 146 00:05:18,638 --> 00:05:21,151 Yeah, we'll sign off on any unnecessary exams and probes. 147 00:05:21,175 --> 00:05:22,621 The nurses have made it very clear. 148 00:05:22,645 --> 00:05:24,306 If we don't discharge him as soon as possible, 149 00:05:24,331 --> 00:05:25,619 they will strike. 150 00:05:25,652 --> 00:05:27,565 Wow. Banned from a Denny's, a church, and now a hospital. 151 00:05:27,589 --> 00:05:29,434 - Kind of on a hot streak. - Whatever. 152 00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:30,393 I'm going home. 153 00:05:30,418 --> 00:05:31,531 Little miss. 154 00:05:31,563 --> 00:05:33,176 You get my trousers and look away. 155 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,736 I... 156 00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:38,620 He should make a full recovery, but he'll need to be monitored. 157 00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:41,588 I suggest he stay with one of you for the week. 158 00:05:42,017 --> 00:05:43,921 Not it! Nose goes. 159 00:05:43,954 --> 00:05:45,834 - Rock, paper, scissors. - Best out of five. 160 00:05:45,858 --> 00:05:47,572 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. 161 00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:49,041 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. 162 00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:50,153 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. 163 00:05:50,178 --> 00:05:51,579 A smart guy would do paper right now. 164 00:05:51,603 --> 00:05:52,582 Then do it, smart guy. 165 00:05:52,606 --> 00:05:53,884 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. 166 00:05:53,908 --> 00:05:55,578 Tap! Ow! 167 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:57,580 Come on. 168 00:05:57,716 --> 00:05:59,696 This is our father that we're talking about. 169 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,600 You're right. This isn't a game. 170 00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:03,236 First one to the medical waste bin 171 00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:04,872 - around the corner wins. - Okay. 172 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:06,609 I don't agree with anything that brought us here, 173 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,469 but I love a competition. 174 00:06:08,504 --> 00:06:09,949 On your marks. 175 00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:11,109 And... 176 00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:12,377 Go! 177 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,893 I hope you enjoy emptying bedpa... 178 00:06:31,917 --> 00:06:32,886 Ah! 179 00:06:37,194 --> 00:06:39,097 Ha! Ha! I win! 180 00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,011 Yeah, only because I got doored. 181 00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:41,947 Doesn't matter. 182 00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:43,683 'Cause you have to take Dad. 183 00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:45,744 You have to take Dad. 184 00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,182 Oh. Oh... 185 00:06:54,562 --> 00:06:56,241 I don't know how to work this crap. 186 00:06:56,265 --> 00:06:57,644 Yeah, that's the idea. 187 00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:58,980 Keep you distracted for a couple hours. 188 00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:01,118 I almost forgot, if you need anything, 189 00:07:01,142 --> 00:07:02,879 anything at all... 190 00:07:02,913 --> 00:07:04,353 Whistle for Frank. 191 00:07:04,950 --> 00:07:06,629 Here we go, Mr. Shaw. 192 00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:08,099 Ow! 193 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,704 Keep this kid from messing around back there. 194 00:07:10,728 --> 00:07:12,541 Are you trying to take my wallet? 195 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,211 I took your wallet, and keys. 196 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:16,215 And as fun as it would be to watch, 197 00:07:16,239 --> 00:07:17,260 Doc says you can't drive. 198 00:07:17,285 --> 00:07:18,821 So, I'm stuck in this frickin' dump? 199 00:07:18,845 --> 00:07:20,724 Okay, well, as the owner of this house, 200 00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:21,959 dump feels like a strong word. 201 00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,831 I mean, have you seen the new backsplash? 202 00:07:23,855 --> 00:07:26,560 Scooter Munchkin here is your landlord? 203 00:07:26,594 --> 00:07:28,840 How are you still renting at your age? 204 00:07:28,864 --> 00:07:30,439 Well, you could stay at my place, Dad. 205 00:07:30,464 --> 00:07:33,840 But remember, the condo board deemed you as undesirable. 206 00:07:33,865 --> 00:07:34,789 Hey, hey, hey. 207 00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:36,021 One of you knuckleheads 208 00:07:36,045 --> 00:07:38,593 go and get my sweater back at the house. 209 00:07:38,617 --> 00:07:40,086 The blue one. 210 00:07:40,353 --> 00:07:42,658 I cannot do it. I'm still at work. 211 00:07:42,692 --> 00:07:45,239 I got an active DUI checkpoint going right now. 212 00:07:45,263 --> 00:07:47,067 Dad, goodbye. Frank... 213 00:07:47,502 --> 00:07:49,013 I'm turning off my phone. 214 00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:51,676 Shred, the backsplash is amazing. 215 00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:54,686 I need my sweater. 216 00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:56,529 I'm not driving to your house to get your sweater. 217 00:07:56,553 --> 00:07:57,665 You can borrow one of mine. 218 00:07:57,689 --> 00:08:00,889 Oh, just give me a second to find the itchiest one. 219 00:08:04,636 --> 00:08:05,881 Fine, I'll pick it up during lunch. 220 00:08:05,905 --> 00:08:08,787 Unless you wanna have an even bigger heart attack right now 221 00:08:08,811 --> 00:08:10,256 and just be done with it? 222 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,083 No? All right. 223 00:08:13,152 --> 00:08:15,734 I'll leave that with you. And Mr. Shaw... 224 00:08:15,758 --> 00:08:19,284 these lights are on a dimmer, if that helps you relax. 225 00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:26,087 Maybe we can still give this away if we just say 226 00:08:26,111 --> 00:08:27,657 it's been slow-roasted? 227 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:30,764 Yeah, yeah, these carcinogens probably taste great. 228 00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:32,691 - Hi. - Hi. Sorry. 229 00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,705 The, uh, donation center's temporarily closed. 230 00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:38,003 We are, uh, out of inventory right now. 231 00:08:38,036 --> 00:08:40,282 I'd actually like to make a donation. 232 00:08:40,306 --> 00:08:42,286 I don't need this food anymore, 233 00:08:42,310 --> 00:08:43,857 my... cat passed away. 234 00:08:43,881 --> 00:08:44,816 Oh. 235 00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:48,256 Well, let me just take this moment to say... 236 00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:50,994 Your cat has amazing timing. 237 00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,971 Thank you! Sorry for your loss. 238 00:08:56,272 --> 00:08:57,752 We need pet food. 239 00:08:57,776 --> 00:08:59,254 But you know who doesn't? 240 00:08:59,278 --> 00:09:00,714 Dead pets. 241 00:09:00,747 --> 00:09:03,395 Wait, I hope you're not suggesting that we kill pets. 242 00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:06,359 No, but I think I have a plan. 243 00:09:07,027 --> 00:09:09,340 Yeah, now I gotta check in with my dumb dad 244 00:09:09,364 --> 00:09:10,409 every couple of hours. 245 00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:12,715 Because of a major cardiac event he experienced. 246 00:09:12,739 --> 00:09:13,950 He's gonna outlive us all. 247 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,654 He told me that on my 10th birthday. 248 00:09:15,678 --> 00:09:16,589 And now he's at my house, 249 00:09:16,613 --> 00:09:18,192 probably rifling through all my stuff. 250 00:09:18,216 --> 00:09:20,196 Are you worried he's gonna find your diary? 251 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:23,302 It's a captain's log and he's never gonna find it. 252 00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:25,062 I have it hidden behind... 253 00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:26,833 Oh. Nice try. 254 00:09:28,838 --> 00:09:30,416 Wait, what's that, what's that rustling sound? 255 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,685 Is that potato chips? 256 00:09:31,709 --> 00:09:33,289 No, that would be crinklier. 257 00:09:33,313 --> 00:09:34,324 No, no, Frank is 258 00:09:34,348 --> 00:09:36,829 stress eating sugar-free gummy worms right now. 259 00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:38,933 Look, I've been grinding my teeth lately. 260 00:09:38,957 --> 00:09:41,238 It's a dissolvable bite guard, okay? 261 00:09:41,262 --> 00:09:43,242 You eat all the sweet treats you need, buddy, it's... 262 00:09:43,266 --> 00:09:45,747 It's tough taking care of an aging parent, it really is. 263 00:09:45,771 --> 00:09:47,450 Your mom's, like, 45. Whatever. 264 00:09:47,474 --> 00:09:49,822 Uh, actually, my mom just turned 50, 265 00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,058 and I can't wait to take care of her 266 00:09:51,082 --> 00:09:53,763 'cause she's gonna be such a fun roommate, she really is. 267 00:09:53,787 --> 00:09:56,468 Yep. Aging parents can be tough. 268 00:09:56,492 --> 00:09:57,805 Not for me, personally. 269 00:09:57,829 --> 00:09:59,170 I got all these siblings and cousins. 270 00:09:59,195 --> 00:10:00,710 I'm never gonna have to worry about it. 271 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:02,848 Yeah, my sister's on the hook for our parents 272 00:10:02,872 --> 00:10:05,252 'cause she's a hospice nurse, so she's, like, really sweet 273 00:10:05,276 --> 00:10:06,421 about gross old people. 274 00:10:06,445 --> 00:10:07,390 Yeah, they're gross. 275 00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:09,427 We're both lucky. 276 00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,031 - Hi, Emily. - Hey, Frank. 277 00:10:11,055 --> 00:10:13,426 Your, um... your dad is here. 278 00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,440 What? Ugh! 279 00:10:15,464 --> 00:10:17,009 Look, he senses heat like the Predator. 280 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,748 My best advice is to cover yourself in mud and don't move. 281 00:10:19,772 --> 00:10:21,886 He's been strongly requesting his sweater. 282 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,723 I offered him my office cardigan, 283 00:10:23,747 --> 00:10:26,161 and he said he does not like balloon sleeves. 284 00:10:26,185 --> 00:10:27,798 You have my permission to put him down. 285 00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:29,367 I wanna watch the Mariner game. 286 00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:30,293 Okay. Yeah. 287 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,507 We can set you up on the iPad until Frank gets back. 288 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:34,798 And bring me my sweater, dipstick. 289 00:10:35,137 --> 00:10:37,317 Yeah, and bring the sweater, dipstick. 290 00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:38,977 Sorry, Frank. 291 00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:43,653 - Don't look at me. - Okay. 292 00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:49,364 No pine tar players who aren't fat. 293 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,170 Baseball's not the same game. 294 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:53,103 Mm-hmm. 295 00:10:54,407 --> 00:10:55,911 Oh, sorry, um, 296 00:10:55,944 --> 00:10:57,774 I can change that if you wanna watch something else. 297 00:10:57,799 --> 00:10:58,729 No, this is a good one. 298 00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:00,128 Pedro and Gemma get into a fight. 299 00:11:00,152 --> 00:11:01,899 Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait. Are-are you telling me 300 00:11:01,923 --> 00:11:03,794 that you watch Hot Pursuit? 301 00:11:03,827 --> 00:11:05,766 Well, at first I thought it was a cop show, 302 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:06,909 and then it got its hooks in me. 303 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,381 It's literally my favorite dating show of all time. 304 00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:10,517 We have to turn the volume up. 305 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,086 Throw the subtitles on too. 306 00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:15,630 Definitely. I can never understand what Gemma is saying. 307 00:11:16,152 --> 00:11:19,502 A donation like this would be a wonderful way to honor 308 00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:21,037 the memory of Rusty. 309 00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:24,210 Yeah, now that he's crossed over the Rainbow Bridge, 310 00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:27,178 his earthly possessions can be put to good use. 311 00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,276 I think Rusty would've liked that. 312 00:11:30,447 --> 00:11:32,952 Absolutely. Yeah. 313 00:11:33,419 --> 00:11:35,289 Oh, come here, you. 314 00:11:35,624 --> 00:11:37,938 I know this is a difficult time, but... 315 00:11:37,962 --> 00:11:39,908 may I ask, did you buy in bulk? 316 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,079 Hey, come here, just for a second. 317 00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,783 There's another service starting 318 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:45,252 and look at the size of the gravestone. 319 00:11:45,276 --> 00:11:47,743 You just know they spoiled their dog. 320 00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:50,497 Please donate before 5:00 PM. Thank you. 321 00:11:50,521 --> 00:11:52,023 Watch out. 322 00:11:55,565 --> 00:11:58,035 Oh... God. 323 00:11:59,471 --> 00:12:00,817 Another great ep. 324 00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:02,449 Though I don't know how they can legally call 325 00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:04,992 any of those things bathing suits, but... 326 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,129 Well, it's good that you have this show. 327 00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:08,089 Yeah. 328 00:12:08,322 --> 00:12:09,935 Wait, what do you mean? 329 00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:12,440 Nothing. It fills a void for you, it's good. 330 00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:15,948 Okay, well, you don't actually know that much about me, so. 331 00:12:15,972 --> 00:12:17,618 Well, I was a detective for 30 years. 332 00:12:17,642 --> 00:12:18,987 I can draw a few conclusions. 333 00:12:19,011 --> 00:12:20,356 - Please don't. - You have a... 334 00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:22,050 small bald spot 335 00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,063 in an irregular location on your scalp. 336 00:12:24,087 --> 00:12:25,801 - No. - You're a worrier. 337 00:12:25,825 --> 00:12:27,595 And you're a workaholic. 338 00:12:27,629 --> 00:12:29,207 And clearly you're not married, 339 00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:32,070 based on that withering ring finger. 340 00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:34,107 Excuse me. Um... 341 00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:36,321 I am actually very happy with my life, 342 00:12:36,345 --> 00:12:39,351 and I am not in a rush for any of that stuff. 343 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,966 Well, part of the issue is how you dress. 344 00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:43,503 What's with the blazer? 345 00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:45,229 You win the Masters? 346 00:12:48,069 --> 00:12:50,349 The homeowner said she's been hearing a scuttling sound 347 00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:52,386 coming from up there for the past two weeks, 348 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:55,259 and she said it's less of a shhk-shhk-shhk-shhk-shhk, 349 00:12:55,283 --> 00:12:57,429 and more of a tick-tick-tick-tick-kk-kk. 350 00:12:57,453 --> 00:13:00,426 Huh. Annoying and unhelpful as usual, thanks. 351 00:13:03,232 --> 00:13:05,871 Hey, Emily. Putting you on speaker. 352 00:13:05,905 --> 00:13:08,185 Hi, Frank, yeah, your father's a nightmare. 353 00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:09,888 So, his condition hasn't changed. 354 00:13:09,912 --> 00:13:10,857 Sounds like you 86'd him? 355 00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:13,529 Darn right, I put him in the parking lot. 356 00:13:13,553 --> 00:13:14,531 Isn't it about to rain? 357 00:13:14,555 --> 00:13:16,200 Yes, so please come pick him up. 358 00:13:16,224 --> 00:13:19,264 I am gonna go journal. Bye. 359 00:13:28,617 --> 00:13:29,517 What? 360 00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,264 I'm sending a cab to take you to my house. 361 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:34,437 I'm not getting into some driverless robot car. 362 00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:37,500 No, I said a cab, probably driven by another 363 00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:39,046 half-blind old man like you. 364 00:13:39,070 --> 00:13:40,271 It's going to start raining. 365 00:13:40,296 --> 00:13:41,976 I do just fine in the rain. 366 00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:44,280 Ask the Viet Cong. 367 00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:53,008 Are you... are you all right? 368 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,379 Yeah. I'm fine. No! I'm not. 369 00:13:55,403 --> 00:13:56,916 He's probably gonna catch pneumonia, 370 00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:58,486 and then I'll be stuck with him indefinitely. 371 00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:01,124 Him: slowly fusing to the fabric in the couch. 372 00:14:01,148 --> 00:14:03,461 Me, explaining what happened to the old host of Jeopardy! 373 00:14:03,485 --> 00:14:05,322 That's my life, forever! 374 00:14:07,562 --> 00:14:09,030 Ahh! 375 00:14:09,064 --> 00:14:10,744 - Ahh! - Shred, quick! 376 00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:13,439 Hey, are you okay? 377 00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:16,421 All right, you're scaring me a little bit. 378 00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:17,557 Vision's goin' blurry. 379 00:14:17,581 --> 00:14:19,594 Just gonna take a closer look at the floor. 380 00:14:19,618 --> 00:14:21,188 Wait. Frank? 381 00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:23,960 Frank, I only know how to do CPR on a dog. 382 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,540 I need you to get up. Ahh! 383 00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:26,733 Ahh! Ahh... 384 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,003 Haven't you done enough? 385 00:14:34,447 --> 00:14:36,094 OMG, look who's here! 386 00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:38,331 You remember Patel. 387 00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,469 Victoria. Emily. 388 00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:41,404 Dude, I didn't hit my head. 389 00:14:41,428 --> 00:14:42,607 We came as soon as we heard. 390 00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,652 Well, as soon as we could make out what Shred was saying 391 00:14:44,677 --> 00:14:45,719 in between sobs. 392 00:14:45,744 --> 00:14:47,648 Okay guys, I'm fine. 393 00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,120 Unless I'm not, of course. 394 00:14:49,144 --> 00:14:50,255 Well, we're here for you, buddy. 395 00:14:50,279 --> 00:14:51,460 You got a plan for this sherbet? 396 00:14:51,485 --> 00:14:53,395 Oh, and don't worry, Frank. Your dad is okay. 397 00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:55,066 - I didn't ask. - He's down in the car. 398 00:14:55,090 --> 00:14:56,736 And can I just say, I am surprised this is 399 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,138 your first heart episode, 400 00:14:58,162 --> 00:15:00,142 Mr. Shaw! Good news. 401 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,712 Your EKG results are normal. 402 00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:02,982 - Yes! - Yes! I knew it. 403 00:15:03,006 --> 00:15:04,985 My heart is awesome. Yours all suck. 404 00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:06,989 Yeah, it seems this incident was simply caused by 405 00:15:07,013 --> 00:15:08,391 excessive flatulence. 406 00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,315 Oh. 407 00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:11,765 Thank you, doctor, for waiting until 408 00:15:11,789 --> 00:15:14,771 all my co-workers were present to give me that diagnosis. 409 00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,742 Could we get that report in writing? 410 00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:17,711 We'd love to frame it. 411 00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:19,848 Have you had any sugar-free foods recently? 412 00:15:19,872 --> 00:15:23,455 Yes. My man was mainlining sugar-free gummy worms all day. 413 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,494 Well, that would do it. We found high amounts of 414 00:15:25,518 --> 00:15:27,463 sorbitol in your blood, which can contribute 415 00:15:27,487 --> 00:15:30,069 to chest pain and high levels of gas. 416 00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:33,308 Yeah, I was here when the nurse released it, and, uh, 417 00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,145 I will never forget what I heard. 418 00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,157 Stop, stop. 419 00:15:36,182 --> 00:15:38,218 Listen, I don't usually eat this way. 420 00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,623 I track all my macros across three different apps. 421 00:15:40,647 --> 00:15:41,625 I'm just... 422 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,295 wound a little tight today. 423 00:15:43,319 --> 00:15:45,031 Well, today was a false alarm. 424 00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:47,103 But with your family history of heart disease, 425 00:15:47,127 --> 00:15:49,927 it's important that you manage your stress. 426 00:15:51,101 --> 00:15:54,350 You know, I still have a lot to process, so... 427 00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:56,823 I'm gonna have to ask all of you to leave the room. 428 00:15:56,847 --> 00:15:58,424 - Absolutely. - Of course. 429 00:15:58,448 --> 00:15:59,552 Immediately. 430 00:15:59,586 --> 00:16:00,487 Yeah. 431 00:16:00,512 --> 00:16:02,500 No, we gotta go. We gotta go right now. 432 00:16:02,524 --> 00:16:04,137 - We gotta go right now! - Go-go-go-go! 433 00:16:04,161 --> 00:16:05,061 Yes! 434 00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:07,109 Okay, I just got a message from that family 435 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,445 who buried their poodle. 436 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:11,342 Two bags of food and a gently used dog bed. 437 00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:14,090 At this rate, I'm gonna need a second shed. 438 00:16:14,114 --> 00:16:16,227 Hey, guys, I just got a pretty weird call. 439 00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:17,162 A man said that you were 440 00:16:17,186 --> 00:16:19,754 soliciting him during his cat's funeral? 441 00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,220 - Mmhmm. - No, we didn't mean to interrupt 442 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:23,291 the service, it was just a super long moment of silence. 443 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,219 What? 444 00:16:24,244 --> 00:16:25,559 Actually, we brought them closure. 445 00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:28,309 And scored a bunch of free stuff. Up top. 446 00:16:28,342 --> 00:16:31,826 Look, your job is very hard, but it has turned you into, 447 00:16:31,850 --> 00:16:33,128 and I say this with love, 448 00:16:33,152 --> 00:16:34,396 soulless monsters. 449 00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:37,186 Uh... soulless monsters with a kennel full of new dog food. 450 00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,739 - Take a look at that kennel. - Have you been out there? 451 00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:39,684 - Yeah. - Yeah. 452 00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:42,547 Okay. Um, look. I'm a cool boss, I am. 453 00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:44,417 Everyone knows it, everyone's talking about it, 454 00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:46,254 and I know that you guys use gallows humor 455 00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:48,258 to get through the day, but this has gone too far. 456 00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:50,329 I really think you need to talk to somebody about it. 457 00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:51,598 You mean like an open mic? 458 00:16:51,622 --> 00:16:53,334 'Cause I've been working on this joke about 459 00:16:53,358 --> 00:16:54,470 the headless rabbits we found. 460 00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:56,274 You've heard of a hairless head, 461 00:16:56,298 --> 00:16:57,777 - but have you heard of a... - Okay. 462 00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:59,046 Don't wanna hear the end of that. 463 00:16:59,070 --> 00:17:01,652 Um, no, I meant that there's a more healthy way to process 464 00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,455 the sad things that you see on the job 465 00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:05,259 than making jokes. Like therapy. 466 00:17:05,283 --> 00:17:06,896 - We don't need that. - What? 467 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:07,908 We don't need that. 468 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,568 It's not good to bottle stuff up. 469 00:17:09,592 --> 00:17:10,573 Look at Frank. 470 00:17:10,598 --> 00:17:12,440 And how should we be, what, like you? 471 00:17:12,464 --> 00:17:15,245 Yeah. Yelling at old guys, leaving them out in a monsoon. 472 00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:17,216 Okay, fine. Be miserable. I don't really care. 473 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,820 Just don't let it affect your jobs anymore. 474 00:17:18,844 --> 00:17:20,455 - Mm-kay. - That's a good plan. 475 00:17:20,479 --> 00:17:21,379 Nice. 476 00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:28,606 I've heard of undressing people with your eyes, 477 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,710 but hugging people with your eyes? 478 00:17:30,734 --> 00:17:32,014 It's disturbing. 479 00:17:32,169 --> 00:17:33,682 You really scared me today. 480 00:17:33,706 --> 00:17:34,751 Everything scares you. 481 00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:36,522 I can't say Bloody Mary three times without you... 482 00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:37,480 Don't. 483 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:39,193 It's twice this year. Don't do it. 484 00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,597 And I'm serious, man. Okay? 485 00:17:40,621 --> 00:17:42,567 Your dad turns you into a stress machine, 486 00:17:42,591 --> 00:17:44,738 and that's only gonna get worse as he gets older. 487 00:17:44,762 --> 00:17:46,474 So, I've brought somebody here 488 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,571 that knows a thing or two about that. 489 00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:00,894 I'll give you two a second alone. 490 00:18:01,395 --> 00:18:05,469 Someday they'll track a disease spreading to this very moment. 491 00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:12,494 That is really cute. 492 00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:13,754 Adorable. 493 00:18:13,787 --> 00:18:15,232 See? We feel stuff. 494 00:18:15,256 --> 00:18:16,536 Yeah, we're not monsters. 495 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,005 We just don't dwell on the negatives. 496 00:18:18,029 --> 00:18:19,174 - Right. Yeah. - If we were, 497 00:18:19,198 --> 00:18:21,344 we would look at that puppy over there and we might... 498 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,405 remember some things. 499 00:18:23,438 --> 00:18:24,407 Yeah. 500 00:18:24,909 --> 00:18:26,655 Like what happened on Route 12. 501 00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:28,224 Route 12. I don't... 502 00:18:28,248 --> 00:18:29,595 I don't think I remember that one. 503 00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,397 Route 12 was the labradoodle puppy. 504 00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:32,834 No, I know. Of course I remember. 505 00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:34,662 I'm just pushing it down. 506 00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:39,437 What was his name? 507 00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:41,952 Splat. 508 00:18:41,976 --> 00:18:44,280 No. Seriously, I wanna remember. 509 00:18:44,313 --> 00:18:45,627 It wasn't Splat, it was Burrito. 510 00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:48,633 Burrito, that's right. I knew it was something pretty. 511 00:18:48,657 --> 00:18:50,368 Stop, I can feel you getting upset. 512 00:18:50,392 --> 00:18:52,841 I don't wanna get upset, so just stop crying. 513 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,478 I'm not up... 514 00:18:54,502 --> 00:18:55,436 Stop. 515 00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:57,517 You remember the kittens in the well? 516 00:18:57,541 --> 00:18:59,488 Alastair, Pepper, Buttons and Crosby. 517 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:01,625 - I think about them every night. - I think of them every night. 518 00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:03,529 And I don't wanna think about them anymore. 519 00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:06,267 I don't... I'm so sick of thinking of them. 520 00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,238 You guys are scaring that child. What's going on? 521 00:19:08,262 --> 00:19:09,243 You opened the floodgates. 522 00:19:09,268 --> 00:19:10,844 - Everything's gonna die. - Everything is. 523 00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:13,014 Okay. All right, I'm pulling you both from the field. 524 00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:14,851 - Let's go. - Cherish this time. 525 00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:17,491 Because before you know it, that dog's gonna be gone. 526 00:19:17,515 --> 00:19:18,817 - And your parents. - No-no-no-no-no. 527 00:19:18,842 --> 00:19:20,429 - Everything. - Oh, he's gonna be there. 528 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:22,653 He's gonna be there. Therapy now. 529 00:19:23,259 --> 00:19:25,439 I don't know, Bucky. 530 00:19:25,463 --> 00:19:29,438 Doesn't he realize that you're supposed to mellow out with age? 531 00:19:29,471 --> 00:19:31,785 And somehow, I think he's getting even worse. 532 00:19:31,809 --> 00:19:34,356 And because my family sucks, I'm gonna be the one 533 00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:37,329 that has to take care of him, and I just don't... 534 00:19:37,353 --> 00:19:39,033 know if I can do that. 535 00:19:39,357 --> 00:19:42,798 I mean, who's gonna take care of me when I get old? 536 00:19:44,301 --> 00:19:46,939 'Cause I'm all alone. 537 00:19:46,972 --> 00:19:48,442 And... 538 00:19:49,578 --> 00:19:52,450 I don't know if that's ever gonna change. 539 00:19:54,087 --> 00:19:57,527 You are surprisingly helpful to talk to. 540 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:00,466 Hey, Dad. 541 00:20:02,804 --> 00:20:04,450 I, uh... 542 00:20:04,474 --> 00:20:07,341 can't believe I'm gonna say this, but, uh... 543 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:09,495 I'd like to talk to you. 544 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:14,060 We need to try and find a way to make this work. 545 00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:16,040 We need to yell less! 546 00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:18,078 Or maybe even... 547 00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:20,507 listen to each other. 548 00:20:22,477 --> 00:20:24,648 Look, I understand that 549 00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:28,556 you've been through a lot these past few days, so... 550 00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:31,862 Here. 551 00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:39,010 It's the wrong sweater, numbnuts I said the blue one. 552 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:40,723 - That is blue. - The one I like! 553 00:20:40,747 --> 00:20:43,614 Not the cheap one you gave me for Christmas. 554 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,957 Color-blind and stupid. 555 00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:53,816 You can't leave him here! I won the race! 556 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,743 I have no honor. 557 00:20:59,195 --> 00:21:01,083 _ 558 00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:03,826 My wife vetoed all my baby names. 559 00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:05,496 Huckleberry Patel. 560 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:07,743 Would've been a major league pitcher. 561 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,114 So, what have I gotta say to get you to prescribe me 562 00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:11,374 the good stuff? 563 00:21:11,408 --> 00:21:13,121 I think I led us down a weird path. 564 00:21:13,145 --> 00:21:14,792 I'm not actually gonna kill anyone. 565 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,396 You know, I was just asking if you would have to report it, 566 00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:19,023 out of curiosity. 567 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:22,372 And you do have to report it, which is good. 568 00:21:22,396 --> 00:21:23,767 And why I asked. 569 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,813 I understand that giving a patient a letter grade 570 00:21:25,837 --> 00:21:28,519 completely misses the point of therapy, but if you were 571 00:21:28,543 --> 00:21:31,859 to give me a score out of 100 on how good I'm doing... 572 00:21:31,883 --> 00:21:33,830 Here's a couple of areas I don't want to unravel. 573 00:21:33,854 --> 00:21:36,424 Love life, family, fear of mortality. 574 00:21:36,458 --> 00:21:38,893 Oh, nothing about body or food. Let's do it. 575 00:21:38,918 --> 00:21:42,977 CREDITS