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credits

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The past few months
have just been...

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really awful.

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There were these ICE raids

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and my dad's company
went out of business.

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Then we lost our house
and had to move

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into the old folks home
with my grandpa.

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It's like
everything keeps changing

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00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:54,852
and I really don't know
how to cope with it.

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And how exactly do you feel
like shit has changed, bro?

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Well, Jesus, It just seems like

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people aren't really
as kind and giving

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as they used to be, you know?

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Like, I just got some money
from Saudi Arabia

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and I'm thinking of sharing it.

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'Cause I feel like that's what
everyone needs right now.

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Like, a big Christmas miracle?

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Sounds like some socialist
bullshit to me, bro.

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Jesus, I don't wanna live

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in an old folks home anymore,
OK?

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Now, I don't know what's
made you change like this,

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but we need some
God damn Christmas magic!

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Hey, baby, I brought us
some Pinot Grigio!

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What took you so long?

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Don't be mad. I was out
doing my charity work!

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I'm a Christian,

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so I sing to people in need!

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Just shut up
and pour me that shit.

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You wanna make
your life better, Stan?

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Join the frickin' club!

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This is the time of year we all
wish things were better.

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But trust me, nothing miraculous

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is gonna happen to anyone.

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? The crib is decorated

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? And the nursery's
all planned ?

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? I put holly on the diapers
With all the love I can ?

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? Tiny dreams in tinsel glow ?

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? What's more special than ?

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? A new baby at Christmas time ?

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Only days remain
until America meets

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President Trump's demon spawn.

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How Satan will give birth to
the butt baby is still unclear,

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but everyone knows
the crap-out is coming.

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? Don the wipes
and mistletoe ?

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? There's so much to be done ?

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? We'll drink eggnog and cocoa
when labor has begun ?

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? So many reasons to be glad,
and I'll be having one ?

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? A new baby at Christmas time ?

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? I will love the baby
and so will its dad ?

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? We will be so...
Wait a minute.

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Where the hell is he?

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Donald?

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Donald!

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00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:03,081
Where is Donald?

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Oh, sorry, Satan.

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The President had to fly
to Colorado

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on an urgent matter.

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00:03:07,358 --> 00:03:11,005
An urgent matter?
Are you serious right now?

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I told him this was the day

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we were going to sing songs
and decorate the nursery!

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What is he doing
that's more urgent than that?

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Sorry, it's all high-level
classified stuff.

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Even we don't have clearance
to know what he's doing.

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He is such a piece a shit!

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He does this to me all the time!

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I'm about to have this baby,
and he's out fucking around!

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Hormones, huh?

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It is strange
that the President hasn't

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even informed me
why he's going to Colorado.

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Well, the President said
it's top secret

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and only he and
the vice president can know.

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Whatever they're doing...

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must be part of an extremely
covert military operation.

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Merry Christmas!

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Relax, guy!

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Hey-hey-hey!
Relax, guy!

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OK, Boss, this is the place.

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That is the police station
over there.

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That's where they are keeping
Peter Thiel.

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All right,
we just gotta keep it quiet.

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Nobody can know
I want to kill this baby... ope!

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Merry Christmas!
Hey-hey-hey!

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Relax!

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Are you sure this
Peter Thiel can do it?

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Yes, Boss.

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But we must find a way
to break him out

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of that police-
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

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Happy holidays!

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Hey-hey-hey!

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Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have
any spare change, mkay?

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The government cut
school funding

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so I lost my job.

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Then, you know,
everything costs more

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with all the tariffs,
and my health care got cut,

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so I'm just struggling
like a lot of Americans are.

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All right,
well, Merry Christmas!

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We better hurry, Boss.

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The town might be onto us,

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and the crap-out could be
any minute now.

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00:05:06,858 --> 00:05:08,512
OK, let's synchronize
our watches.

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It's time to complete
Operation Kill My Own Baby!

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? I'll be home
for Christmas ?

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? If only in my dreams,
my dreams, my holiday dreams ?

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Hello, seniors,
I'm Peggy Rockbottom

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here to spread
a little holiday cheer.

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You know, sometimes we forget
the reason for the season.

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But there's only one man
in my life,

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and that man is Jesus Christ.

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And I wrote this song for him.

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? A Christian woman knows
her place ?

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? So go ahead
and punch me in the face ?

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? 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ?

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? That's why I wrote
this holiday song ?

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? With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ?

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? Saying merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ?

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Come on, seniors, sing along!

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? A Christian woman knows
her place ?

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? So go ahead
and punch me in the face ?

119
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? 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ?

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? That's why I wrote
this holiday song ?

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? With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ?

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? To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ?

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I don't know
if you can hear me,

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but I've been kind of wishing
for a Christmas miracle.

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If miracles can
still even happen,

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please, make it happen now.

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Yay!

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Look, guys, it's Stanny!

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Stanny!

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Oh, no!

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- Did you miss us, Stan?
- Oh, no!

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That son of a bitch.

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I could give birth any minute.

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"Oh, hey, Satan,
you about to go into labor?

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"OK, how about
you go do everything,

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and I'll do nothing?"

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Oh, yeah, great idea, Donald!
Just like you always do.

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Ugh.
God, he is so disgusting.

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Ugh, he's such a pig!

140
00:07:47,739 --> 00:07:49,771
A blue jock strap?

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He doesn't wear
a blue jock strap.

142
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Who does this belong to?

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Vance.

144
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It's Vance.

145
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They're together.

146
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,825
What are you talking about?

147
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They just wanna kill the baby.

148
00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:17,531
What?

149
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:22,943
The President... Vance...
so much sex.

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00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:25,106
I can't understand you
'cause you're covered

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in dried-up milk!

152
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It's not milk.

153
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Oh, thank God! Oh, thank God!

154
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Tell me everything you know!

155
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I will, but first...
please...

156
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I need to get...
just a little high.

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Go away!

158
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:02,207
_

159
00:09:02,302 --> 00:09:03,586
What do you guys want?

160
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,404
Well, didn't you hear, Stan?

161
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Satan's gonna give birth
to the antichrist!

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Yeah,
he's gonna have a butt baby

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and there's gonna be
a big crap-out!

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And nobody loves a crap-out
more than us!

165
00:09:16,762 --> 00:09:18,075
Wait a minute,
wait, wait, wait.

166
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This doesn't make any sense!

167
00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:21,950
You guys are just something
that Cartman made up in his head!

168
00:09:23,215 --> 00:09:26,224
Aww, are you really gonna
overanalyze a crap-out?

169
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No way!
Crap-outs have no rules!

170
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Yay!

171
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All right, y'all,
Stan wished us here

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to help the Prince of Darkness,
so we gotta do what he says.

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I didn't wish for that!

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I didn't know anything
about Satan having a baby

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or crap-outs.

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But you asked
for a Christmas miracle, Stan!

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And this crap-out's gonna
make everything better!

178
00:09:45,982 --> 00:09:48,482
It is? Are you sure?

179
00:09:48,968 --> 00:09:51,405
Of course!
Crap-outs are the best!

180
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Come on!
Let's get to it!

181
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Yay!

182
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Oh, it's been so long.

183
00:10:03,232 --> 00:10:05,263
So then Vice President Vance,

184
00:10:05,288 --> 00:10:07,005
he doesn't want you
to have the baby, right?

185
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'Cause he thinks
your baby is gonna hurt

186
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his chances
of becoming president.

187
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So he convinces Trump to try
to get rid of the baby himself,

188
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but every time he tries,
he gets blocked by the FCC.

189
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:23,702
If he didn't want the baby,
why didn't he tell me?

190
00:10:23,762 --> 00:10:26,185
They couldn't let anyone know
they wanted to get rid

191
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:29,473
of the baby because, you know,
Republicans, abortions...

192
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,891
it's a bad look.

193
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,880
So then Vance gets this guy
Peter Thiel

194
00:10:33,905 --> 00:10:36,211
to get rid of the baby,
and Thiel's about to come do it

195
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,962
when Pam Bondi
suddenly finds out

196
00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:39,505
there's a plot to kill the baby.

197
00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:42,388
So crazy, man.
You can't write this shit.

198
00:10:43,820 --> 00:10:45,561
What did I ever see in him?

199
00:10:45,586 --> 00:10:47,802
So then The President,
he's pissed off at Vance.

200
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:50,177
He says, you've been
lying to me, but Vance says,

201
00:10:50,202 --> 00:10:51,646
I was just trying
to protect you,

202
00:10:51,671 --> 00:10:53,177
and then they start having sex

203
00:10:53,202 --> 00:10:54,484
over and over
and over and over...

204
00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:56,146
Enough!

205
00:10:57,512 --> 00:11:00,404
The president hath deceived me.

206
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,615
He hath deceived us all.

207
00:11:03,895 --> 00:11:06,669
And I shall make him pay.

208
00:11:09,348 --> 00:11:12,220
Oh, hell yeah, man.
Let's go get that motherfucker.

209
00:11:15,514 --> 00:11:17,114
? What a special time,
it's a special day ?

210
00:11:17,155 --> 00:11:18,595
? It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ?

211
00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:20,717
Crap-out!

212
00:11:26,493 --> 00:11:28,490
Hey! Merry Christmas!

213
00:11:28,515 --> 00:11:33,099
- Merry Christmas!
- Happy Holidays! Relax, guy!

214
00:11:33,124 --> 00:11:35,605
Hello, we're with
the Salvation Army!

215
00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:37,607
We brought some food
for your prisoners!

216
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,974
- Food for the prisoners?
- Hey, relax, guy!

217
00:11:43,999 --> 00:11:46,263
This is the time of year
to give to the needy!

218
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,849
- We brought 'em this cake!
- We don't need your cake!

219
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:51,529
The president's gonna come
for us, and he's gonna... oof!

220
00:11:51,787 --> 00:11:53,458
Well, I guess there's no harm.

221
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:54,919
Mitch, let 'em in.

222
00:11:54,944 --> 00:11:56,990
Hey, thanks, buddy!

223
00:11:57,747 --> 00:11:59,719
? We're headin'
for a crap-out ?

224
00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,354
? Crap-out, crap-out ?

225
00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:04,357
? We smell a crap-out
comin' soon ?

226
00:12:04,382 --> 00:12:07,310
? Don't take the hard route
? Just get to the crapout

227
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:10,505
? Satan's gonna crap out
his anal womb ?

228
00:12:10,574 --> 00:12:12,247
OK, hold on a second.

229
00:12:12,304 --> 00:12:14,568
You said that Satan
was in Washington, D.C.

230
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,953
Yeah, he was,
and now he's about to be here!

231
00:12:16,978 --> 00:12:18,427
But how can you know that?

232
00:12:18,452 --> 00:12:20,474
Oh, for Pete's sake, Stanny,
will you just get on board

233
00:12:20,499 --> 00:12:21,521
with the crap-out already?

234
00:12:21,546 --> 00:12:22,849
Don't worry, Stanny.

235
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:25,036
Everything has been foretold
and nothing can stop

236
00:12:25,061 --> 00:12:26,453
the antichrist from coming.

237
00:12:26,478 --> 00:12:28,005
Except, of course,
for Peter Thiel!

238
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,755
P-P-P-Peter Thiel!

239
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,621
Wait, you mean
the six seven guy?

240
00:12:32,646 --> 00:12:34,822
You know Peter Thiel?

241
00:12:34,847 --> 00:12:36,833
Yeah, he did a big dumb
assembly at the school.

242
00:12:36,858 --> 00:12:38,381
He's here?

243
00:12:38,406 --> 00:12:39,755
What are you gonna do, Stanny?

244
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,738
Are you gonna kill him
and eat him?

245
00:12:41,846 --> 00:12:43,021
All right, look.

246
00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:44,371
If I'm gonna get
on board with something,

247
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:46,398
I need it make at least
a little bit of sense.

248
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,113
Well, OK, Susan Sontag,
we'll make sure

249
00:12:49,138 --> 00:12:51,177
it all lines up perfectly
for ya.

250
00:12:51,444 --> 00:12:52,895
Yay!

251
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:58,865
Peter Thiel to Red Dragon.

252
00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,474
Come in, Red Dragon.

253
00:13:01,059 --> 00:13:03,322
Go ahead, guy.
This is Red Dragon.

254
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,958
I got the walkie in the cake.

255
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,966
Awaiting further instructions.

256
00:13:06,991 --> 00:13:08,107
Excellent.

257
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:10,325
Just stand by, and we'll
find a way to get you out

258
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:11,743
so you can kill my baby.

259
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:13,271
Let's synchronize our watches.

260
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,577
Donald!

261
00:13:17,027 --> 00:13:20,193
You have lied to me.

262
00:13:21,313 --> 00:13:24,882
Satan! We were just doing
some charity work!

263
00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:26,990
Yeah, I don't think so!

264
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:32,130
I told Satan every detail
of your expertly-crafted plot.

265
00:13:32,407 --> 00:13:34,670
Boss, it's your cum rag!

266
00:13:34,723 --> 00:13:37,755
I stayed with you
while you two are fucking

267
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,303
behind my back?

268
00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:42,365
Did Donald tell you
he has genital warts?

269
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:46,942
Hey, relax there, guy.

270
00:13:47,175 --> 00:13:48,480
Look, there he is!

271
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,133
It's Satan!

272
00:13:50,158 --> 00:13:52,091
Yay!

273
00:13:52,908 --> 00:13:54,954
Just as the prophecy foretold!

274
00:13:54,981 --> 00:13:56,896
Towelie? What's going on?

275
00:13:56,921 --> 00:14:00,838
What's going on is the most
exquisitely woven tapestry

276
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:04,127
of ideas
that you've ever seen, man.

277
00:14:04,382 --> 00:14:08,919
Your deception is over,
Donald, and so are we.

278
00:14:09,162 --> 00:14:11,861
This child will be born.

279
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:14,982
And for once,
you are going to have to live

280
00:14:15,007 --> 00:14:18,302
with the consequences
of your actions.

281
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:36,446
Keep your hands off
my president, bro.

282
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:40,790
Whoa! It's Jesus Christ!

283
00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:44,279
This happens to be a great man

284
00:14:44,304 --> 00:14:46,638
who's protecting our country
from fags.

285
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,971
What the hell happened
to Jesus?

286
00:14:48,996 --> 00:14:50,786
He's all Christian now.

287
00:14:51,092 --> 00:14:55,836
This man is a con artist,
and I will deal with him!

288
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:57,544
Don't think so, bro!

289
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,708
Yeah! America! Whoo!

290
00:15:07,881 --> 00:15:11,145
Oh, my God, this just keeps
getting crazier.

291
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:19,222
What's wrong, Satan?

292
00:15:19,247 --> 00:15:22,849
It's the baby.
I think it's coming.

293
00:15:23,309 --> 00:15:26,450
- Oh, wow, y'all, it's time!
- What do we do, Stan?

294
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,755
I don't know!

295
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,568
You gotta get him to a hospital!

296
00:15:34,732 --> 00:15:38,208
Oh, boy! The big crap-out
is almost here!

297
00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:40,560
I can hardly wait!
Can hardly wait!

298
00:15:41,766 --> 00:15:43,246
Look, it's the doctor!

299
00:15:43,271 --> 00:15:44,881
Yay!

300
00:15:44,929 --> 00:15:46,560
All right, we're almost ready.

301
00:15:46,585 --> 00:15:48,109
We just wanna run
a quick ultrasound,

302
00:15:48,134 --> 00:15:49,918
and we'll get you into the OR.

303
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:55,115
Doctor, we must hurry.
There are evil forces at work.

304
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:05,051
All right!
This guy's incredible!

305
00:16:05,076 --> 00:16:07,365
OK, now set Peter Thiel free!

306
00:16:11,857 --> 00:16:14,693
- Mr. President! What happened?
- I don't know!

307
00:16:14,718 --> 00:16:17,232
I got another Christian dipshit
to help me get what I want!

308
00:16:17,451 --> 00:16:18,841
Let's go, Christianity!

309
00:16:20,722 --> 00:16:22,027
Then we can proceed.

310
00:16:22,052 --> 00:16:23,833
We have very little time to stop

311
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,381
the antichrist from coming.

312
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,312
Boss, just so you know,

313
00:16:27,337 --> 00:16:30,253
I don't care if my asshole
is filled with genital warts.

314
00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:31,671
I still love you.

315
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:38,211
I can't believe
he turned out to be

316
00:16:38,236 --> 00:16:40,592
this big of a piece a shit.

317
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,724
I seriously fall
for the worst guys.

318
00:16:44,033 --> 00:16:47,380
Now, now, Satan, you need
to save your strength!

319
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,966
I mean, I knew he sucked, OK?

320
00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:52,927
I knew it, but I didn't think
he would go this far.

321
00:16:52,952 --> 00:16:56,396
- I am so stupid.
- No! You're not stupid!

322
00:16:56,421 --> 00:16:58,786
Stanny,
tell Satan he's not stupid.

323
00:16:59,743 --> 00:17:02,790
- You're not stupid.
- No, I'm stupid!

324
00:17:02,815 --> 00:17:04,773
I saw how he treated everyone,

325
00:17:04,798 --> 00:17:06,974
but I was willing to look
the other way.

326
00:17:06,999 --> 00:17:11,134
All because I just wanted
my Christmas miracle.

327
00:17:11,289 --> 00:17:13,291
Your Christmas miracle?

328
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,185
My little baby.

329
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,818
The only thing in my life
that could actually be good.

330
00:17:20,484 --> 00:17:23,662
But now Donald has Jesus
on his side,

331
00:17:23,783 --> 00:17:26,221
and we'll never be free.

332
00:17:27,703 --> 00:17:29,107
Satan's right.

333
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:32,888
If the President has Jesus
on his side, he's unstoppable!

334
00:17:32,913 --> 00:17:34,566
It's only a matter of time

335
00:17:34,591 --> 00:17:37,029
before they come here
and ruin everything.

336
00:17:38,889 --> 00:17:40,271
Now, don't be down, y'all.

337
00:17:40,303 --> 00:17:43,306
- We have our own secret weapon.
- That's right!

338
00:17:43,385 --> 00:17:47,333
They might have Jesus,
but we've got Stan!

339
00:17:47,379 --> 00:17:48,859
Yay!

340
00:17:52,721 --> 00:17:54,269
? What a special time,
it's a special day ?

341
00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:55,706
? It's a Woodland Critter
Christmas ?

342
00:17:55,731 --> 00:17:58,466
Crap-out! Yeah! Let's go!

343
00:18:06,822 --> 00:18:08,489
Let's do this!

344
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,394
Oh, no, here they c-c-c-come!

345
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,950
What are we gonna do?

346
00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:20,726
Where is room 6-7?

347
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:23,244
Thank you!

348
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:48,646
- Hey, kid! Get out of the way!
- No.

349
00:18:48,671 --> 00:18:51,413
If you wanna get to Satan,
you'll have to go through us.

350
00:18:51,707 --> 00:18:54,047
I am fully embracing
this crap-out.

351
00:18:54,072 --> 00:18:55,567
Yay!

352
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:59,031
Do not listen to these foul
creatures of darkness, child!

353
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:01,365
I don't know
who to listen to anymore.

354
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,305
All I know is,
I might as well help someone

355
00:19:03,330 --> 00:19:04,810
get their Christmas miracle.

356
00:19:04,835 --> 00:19:06,974
'Cause nobody's helping me
with mine.

357
00:19:07,726 --> 00:19:09,728
At least that's what
Christmas used to mean.

358
00:19:09,753 --> 00:19:11,193
Trying to make things
a little easier

359
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,654
for someone else who needed it.

360
00:19:12,838 --> 00:19:14,013
I don't know what happened

361
00:19:14,038 --> 00:19:15,605
to your Spirit of Christmas,
Jesus.

362
00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:19,560
Let's face it, you gave up,
and now you've hit rock bottom.

363
00:19:21,186 --> 00:19:23,840
Hey, I didn't hit her, OK?

364
00:19:24,065 --> 00:19:26,894
I mean, all right, maybe I did!

365
00:19:26,919 --> 00:19:28,615
But Peggy was asking' for it!

366
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,302
That's actually not at all
what I was talking about.

367
00:19:31,655 --> 00:19:33,646
No. You're right.

368
00:19:34,358 --> 00:19:36,186
You're right, my child.

369
00:19:36,299 --> 00:19:38,693
I gave up and I lost faith.

370
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,445
I don't want to do this.

371
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:43,573
Hey!
Don't forget I can sue you!

372
00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:47,849
Then go ahead and sue me.

373
00:19:48,575 --> 00:19:51,208
I'm not going
to be afraid anymore.

374
00:19:52,555 --> 00:19:53,947
Excuse me, everyone.

375
00:19:53,972 --> 00:19:55,626
Sorry... sorry to interrupt,

376
00:19:55,651 --> 00:19:58,193
but I'm afraid we have
some really bad news.

377
00:19:59,911 --> 00:20:02,560
- What?
- What? What happened?

378
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,163
We've looked
at the ultrasound, and...

379
00:20:05,314 --> 00:20:08,230
it appears that at some point
when nobody was watching,

380
00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:10,561
the baby hung itself
and took its own life.

381
00:20:12,499 --> 00:20:14,936
- What?
- What are you talking about?

382
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,172
I'm afraid you can
see it all in the video.

383
00:20:17,325 --> 00:20:19,414
The baby got ahold
of some bedsheets.

384
00:20:19,439 --> 00:20:20,851
There's a couple minutes
missing from the ultrasound,

385
00:20:20,876 --> 00:20:22,622
but it's definitely a suicide.

386
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,962
You gotta be kidding me!

387
00:20:24,987 --> 00:20:26,815
The baby hung itself?

388
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,841
Boss! Boss! It's a miracle!

389
00:20:30,368 --> 00:20:31,848
But does that mean

390
00:20:31,873 --> 00:20:33,872
there's not gonna be a crap-out?

391
00:20:35,254 --> 00:20:38,333
This is a Fox News
special alert.

392
00:20:38,508 --> 00:20:41,163
Fox News has just
received confirmation

393
00:20:41,188 --> 00:20:44,104
that the unborn child
of Satan and President Trump

394
00:20:44,129 --> 00:20:46,436
has decided to take
the easy way out

395
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:48,115
and end its own life.

396
00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:50,326
Definitely an unfortunate
turn of events.

397
00:20:50,351 --> 00:20:52,744
Fox News has
analyzed the ultrasound.

398
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:55,936
You can see the baby probably
considering suicide right here

399
00:20:55,961 --> 00:20:57,485
and then...
a little bit missing...

400
00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:58,903
and it killed itself.

401
00:20:58,928 --> 00:21:00,911
Obvious confirmation of suicide.

402
00:21:00,936 --> 00:21:02,590
You can see
a little chair there.

403
00:21:02,615 --> 00:21:04,835
Just what babies do sometimes.

404
00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:07,885
That's right, and if you
or someone you know

405
00:21:07,910 --> 00:21:10,478
is a fetus
contemplating suicide,

406
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:14,107
we urge you to call Fox News
as much as you possibly can.

407
00:21:14,313 --> 00:21:16,358
In the meantime,
all our thoughts and prayers

408
00:21:16,383 --> 00:21:18,168
are with the president tonight,

409
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,499
Who will be holding a funeral
for his unborn child

410
00:21:20,524 --> 00:21:22,138
at the White House.

411
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:36,069
Hey, Merry Christmas!

412
00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:38,401
Did you hear the news?
The baby's dead!

413
00:21:38,426 --> 00:21:41,083
Yes, Mr. President,
we are so sorry.

414
00:21:41,419 --> 00:21:43,464
Happy holidays!
The baby's dead!

415
00:21:43,489 --> 00:21:45,435
Are you OK, sir?

416
00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:48,075
Yeah, it's really hard!
Here, have a cigar!

417
00:21:48,634 --> 00:21:50,332
_

418
00:21:50,357 --> 00:21:52,474
Hey, Pam! Merry Christmas!
The baby's dead!

419
00:21:52,499 --> 00:21:54,762
You're so strong,
Mr. President.

420
00:21:54,872 --> 00:21:56,918
And you're taking it
really well.

421
00:21:56,943 --> 00:21:59,044
Hey! Thanks, Pam!

422
00:22:50,307 --> 00:22:54,963
I win! I win! I win again!

423
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:12,513
Christmas letters from home.
Here you go.

424
00:23:12,538 --> 00:23:14,552
Some Christmas joy
from your loved ones.

425
00:23:14,577 --> 00:23:15,677
There you go.

426
00:23:16,526 --> 00:23:18,267
Hey, there's one for you today.

427
00:23:22,242 --> 00:23:24,242
_

428
00:23:27,693 --> 00:23:30,174
Dear Stan, I'm writing this

429
00:23:30,199 --> 00:23:32,825
because I owe you an apology

430
00:23:32,850 --> 00:23:35,107
and a thank you.

431
00:23:35,284 --> 00:23:37,895
You asked
for a Christmas miracle,

432
00:23:38,088 --> 00:23:40,133
and I didn't listen.

433
00:23:40,326 --> 00:23:42,669
So now, go to this address.

434
00:23:42,856 --> 00:23:44,031
No way.

435
00:23:53,107 --> 00:23:55,107
_

436
00:24:16,603 --> 00:24:18,823
Thank you.
Thank you!

437
00:24:21,035 --> 00:24:24,453
I'll be here, Stan,
watching over everybody.

438
00:24:24,949 --> 00:24:26,219
Be good.

439
00:24:26,244 --> 00:24:28,550
And remember,
never give up on the things

440
00:24:28,575 --> 00:24:30,011
that you commit to.

441
00:24:30,375 --> 00:24:32,246
He's so great, isn't he?

442
00:24:32,271 --> 00:24:34,403
Merry Christmas, everyone!

443
00:24:34,428 --> 00:24:37,213
Let's all have
the happiest holidays!

444
00:24:37,238 --> 00:24:40,284
? A Christian Woman knows
her place ?

445
00:24:40,309 --> 00:24:43,265
? So go ahead
and punch me in the face ?

446
00:24:43,290 --> 00:24:46,598
? 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ?

447
00:24:46,623 --> 00:24:49,539
? That's why I wrote
this holiday song ?

448
00:24:49,564 --> 00:24:52,567
? With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ?

449
00:24:52,592 --> 00:24:56,335
? Saying Merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ?

450
00:24:56,505 --> 00:24:58,942
Come on, seniors, sing along!

451
00:24:59,101 --> 00:25:02,191
? A Christian woman knows
her place ?

452
00:25:02,216 --> 00:25:05,164
? So go ahead
and punch me in the face ?

453
00:25:05,189 --> 00:25:08,509
? 'Cause I deserve it,
I was wrong ?

454
00:25:08,534 --> 00:25:11,398
? That's why I wrote
this holiday song ?

455
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:14,711
? With my big fake tits
and my Botox lips ?

456
00:25:14,736 --> 00:25:17,898
? To say merry Christmas,
Jesus Christ ?

457
00:25:17,923 --> 00:25:20,633
? A Christian woman
knows her place ?

458
00:25:20,658 --> 00:25:23,878
? So go ahead
and punch me in the face ?

459
00:25:23,903 --> 00:25:25,765
? 'Cause I deserve it ?

460
00:25:25,789 --> 00:25:31,031
credits