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credits

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Hey, fellas! Fellas!

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You wanna know what time
I woke up this morning?

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- What time?
- Around six-seven!

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Six-seven!

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Hey, Annie. Ladies.

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Did you guys do your homework
last night?

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I tried to, but I got stuck on
problems six and seven!

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Six-seven!

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Hey, Eric!

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I know, Butters. I know.
Don't do it to me.

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- It's too funny.
- But I just did a six-seven

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with Annie and Megan
at the same time!

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Yeah, five minutes ago
I snuck up on Wendy

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and totally six-seven'd
her from behind.

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- Wow!
- Hey, Scott.

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How's your diabetes, man?

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- My diabetes?
- Yeah, what's your A1C at?

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6.7.

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Six-seven!

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My God.

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So fucking funny.

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All right, everyone, listen up.

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I've gotten a lot of reports
of disruptions in the classroom

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and some satanic numerology
shit going on.

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So I want to remind you this is
a Power Christian school,

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and I am
a Power Christian Principal,

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and we will be PC!

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So now I want you to hear
from someone

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who is the highest authority
on Biblical prophecies.

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This person is an absolute
expert on the end of days

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and the coming
of the Antichrist.

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Please welcome Mr. Pete Thiel.

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? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

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? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

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? I'm Peter Thiel and I
know about the Antichrist ?

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? Let's learn about the Antichrist today ?

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? Today ?

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Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel,
and I'm here to talk to you

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about the Antichrist!

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OK, so first,
what is the Antichrist?

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The Antichrist is a newer,
more human form of Satan

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that will soon walk the Earth.

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We don't know how soon
it will walk the Earth,

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but it could be within
the next six to seven weeks.

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Six-seven!

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Kay.

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You see,
Satan was a fallen angel

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and God punished him,

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and to make sure that Satan
could never have offspring,

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the Lord God did shrink
Satan's asshole

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to the size
of a tiny, little pinhole

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so nothing could ever penetrate
and ejaculate inside of it.

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So Satan could never
have a butt baby until

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along came Mr. Donald Trunp,

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whose penis is so teeny,
teeny tiny

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it could actually fit
in Satan's asshole.

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How small is
Donald Trump's penis?

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Somewhere between six and seven
centimeters.

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Six-seven!

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Hey, look, this is very
important, people.

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OK, the Antichrist is coming.

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The Bible refers to the eagle,
which refers to America,

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the fourth seal broken,
and hell coming to Earth.

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It's right here
in Revelations 6...

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six-seven.

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Six-seven!

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Good, and breathe in
through your nose.

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And out through your mouth.

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In... two, three four.

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And exhale... two, three, four.

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Good.
Let your shoulders soften.

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Let your jaw relax.

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Now gentle pressure on the hips
as your partner exhales.

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Good.

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This is so boring!

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How about you shut up
and do your job?

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Come on, Satan!

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How about we just go home and fuck?

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We haven't had sex in forever.

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That's because it's bad
for the baby.

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Yeah, but fuck the baby.
This is stupid!

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Did you just say
"fuck the baby"?

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Hey, relax, guy.

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I didn't mean like
really fuck the baby!

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No, you know what?
You can just go home.

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I'll finish this myself.

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You can go home
and jack off if you want.

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Perfect.

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Hello, boss!

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Shit!

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Good news, boss,

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we just shut down
another abortion clinic.

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Yeah, great.
That's great.

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Yes, boss.

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You've made all the Christians
so happy.

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Of course, there is still
one more clinic

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that will still perform abortions

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right here in town.

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- There is?
- Yes.

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How unfortunate that some babies

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will not be able to be born.

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As Christians, we can't allow
this to continue.

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Perhaps you should go speak

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with this abortion doctor
personally.

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Yeah. Yeah!

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Come on.

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PC Principal,
do you have a minute?

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Sure, Jesus.
What do you need?

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I'm starting to wonder
if I really fit in here.

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Course you fit in.

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This school's been a cesspool
of heathen left-wing

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little bitches, and only our
faith is gonna set them right.

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Could I ask exactly

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what branch of Christianity
are you?

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The kind that
loves his country

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and doesn't tolerate
any fucking fags.

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Yeah, see, I-I really think
I don't belong here.

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Look, I understand
it's a tough transition.

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You know,
the vice principal here

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had the same conflict as you,
but she's really come around.

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The vice principal?
Your wife?

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That's right.

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Can you send in Strong
Christian Woman, please?

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She was saying this wasn't
the place for her anymore,

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but just this last weekend,
she converted to Christianity.

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You wanted to see me?

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Yeah, Strong Christian Woman,
I was just telling Jesus

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here about our faith.

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Yes, it's been such a blessing.

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- She converted on Saturday.
- What do you think?

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You ever seen a more Christian
chick in your fucking life?

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Never.

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Look,
I know it's a hard adjustment,

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but just stick with it,

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and you're gonna fit in here
just fine, Jesus.

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Everything go good at school
today, honey?

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Yep, yep. School was good.

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School was pretty good.

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Is everything OK, honey?

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Yeah. Everything's fine.

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It's fine.

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Mom? Could I...
could I ask you something?

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Sure, Eric.

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Do you know, um...

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do you know on average,

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um, at what age kids
lose their baby teeth?

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I'm not sure, Eric.

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I guess usually around
six, seven?

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OK.

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Eric, what?

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No, nothing. Nothing.
I'm sorry.

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I'm sorry.

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I was just...
I was just, um...

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I was just thinking about
your menstrual cycle.

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My menstrual cycle?

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Yeah, I was just wondering

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when you actual menstruate, Mom.

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Like, roughly, how many days
does that last?

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Well, Eric,
it's usually around

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six to seven days
that a woman...

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Eric? Sweetie?

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Eric, what is going on?
This keeps happening.

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Mom, Mom,
you gotta tell me something.

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Of course, honey.

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Roughly how many nights...

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have I been throwing up
at dinner?

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I-I don't know, Eric.

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It's probably been
six or seven nights...

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Hey, Jesus,
get your stuff, man.

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- We're going out for drinks.
- What?

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Look,
I know it's been hard for you

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trying to adjust here
and everything,

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so the wife and I were talking

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and we found
a nice Christian lady

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we're gonna set you up with.

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I don't think so.
Thanks, but...

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- Come on, man.
- She's a really great woman,

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and she just converted
to Christianity.

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My wife met her at the same
place that she became Christian.

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So then I was like,
"You know what?

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I need a new direction
in my life.

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It's like I just got so sick of
everyone being such a pussy

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all the time,
and all this woke garbage

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and women trying to be men.

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So I just started reading
the Bible, you know?

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I mean, I didn't actually
read the Bible,

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but I listened to
a lot of podcasts.

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And once I went through
my transition, I was like,

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"This is great,"

191
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only now, guys are always
checking out my Christianity.

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Sorry,
could you all excuse me?

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I need to go to the bathroom.

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Sure thing, Jesus.

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He seems nice.

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Miss Davidson?

197
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Miss Coco Slutty Davidson?

198
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Yeah, that's me!

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I'm Coco Slutty Davidson.

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I'm just here
to get an abortion.

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The doctor's right in here... ma'am.

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Hey, doc!

203
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,316
All right, listen,

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I need you to perform an
abortion, but it's not for me.

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It's for my partner.

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And you can't tell anyone,

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not even my partner.

208
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,613
How am I supposed to do that?

209
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:03,328
Well, you're gonna come
with me, see,

210
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:04,701
and we're gonna sneak
into my house,

211
00:10:04,726 --> 00:10:07,267
and you're gonna suck that thing
out while everyone's asleep.

212
00:10:07,859 --> 00:10:10,167
You house wouldn't happen
to be white, would it?

213
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,412
Hey! How do you know that?

214
00:10:11,437 --> 00:10:13,487
Look, Mr. President,
I've seen the news.

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00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,348
If you got Satan pregnant,
that's your responsibility.

216
00:10:16,373 --> 00:10:18,203
Well, it's your
responsibility now!

217
00:10:18,228 --> 00:10:19,968
Or else I'll sue you,
how about that?

218
00:10:19,993 --> 00:10:21,815
Even if I wanted
to help you, sir,

219
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:23,490
I have no idea
how to perform an abortion

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00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:25,449
on the offspring of Satan.

221
00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:28,752
To do that, you'd need some kind
of expert on the Antichrist.

222
00:10:31,561 --> 00:10:34,447
? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

223
00:10:34,471 --> 00:10:37,570
? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

224
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:42,881
? I'm Peter Thiel and I
know about the Antichrist ?

225
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,492
All right, listen,

226
00:10:46,517 --> 00:10:48,652
you people have a very serious
problem here.

227
00:10:48,677 --> 00:10:50,886
Your students appear to be in
some kind of cult

228
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,650
involving the numbers six
and seven.

229
00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,447
All right,
so what should we do?

230
00:10:54,472 --> 00:10:57,400
I'm going to need access to
all your school's private data...

231
00:10:57,425 --> 00:10:59,555
school records, health records,
and of course,

232
00:10:59,580 --> 00:11:01,128
all security cameras.

233
00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:03,683
No, look,
I don't think we need it...

234
00:11:03,727 --> 00:11:05,708
Is this really
what we've come to?

235
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,800
Freely handing people's
personal data over

236
00:11:07,825 --> 00:11:10,483
to some tech billionaire
preaching shit about the Bible?

237
00:11:12,619 --> 00:11:14,102
You got a problem with Jesus, bro?

238
00:11:15,232 --> 00:11:18,242
Come on, man, you became a
Christian like three months ago.

239
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:20,076
Yeah,
I've got fucking faith, dude!

240
00:11:20,101 --> 00:11:21,671
What do you have,
you little bitch?

241
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:23,026
You wanna throw down, bro?

242
00:11:23,064 --> 00:11:24,674
OK, hey, hey, hey...

243
00:11:24,699 --> 00:11:25,805
You wanna see what it feels
like to talk shit

244
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:27,100
about Christians, dude?

245
00:11:28,761 --> 00:11:30,213
I'll kick your heathen ass,
bro!

246
00:11:43,046 --> 00:11:44,923
All right, just try
to be still, Eric.

247
00:11:45,350 --> 00:11:47,180
Doctor,
could I ask a question?

248
00:11:47,277 --> 00:11:48,287
Of course.

249
00:11:48,312 --> 00:11:49,826
About how long...

250
00:11:50,446 --> 00:11:51,926
do you need me to be still?

251
00:11:51,951 --> 00:11:53,741
Just about ten seconds, Eric.

252
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:54,963
OK.

253
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:58,457
So how long now?

254
00:11:58,482 --> 00:12:00,523
Just another six, seven
seconds, Eric...

255
00:12:08,843 --> 00:12:11,135
I'm sorry, Mrs. Cartman,
but we can't pinpoint

256
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,680
the source of his illness.

257
00:12:14,393 --> 00:12:16,963
If he continues to vomit
this much daily,

258
00:12:17,226 --> 00:12:19,315
I'm afraid it could be
life threatening.

259
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:20,722
But, doctor,

260
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,320
if I'm not able
to keep any food down,

261
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,631
roughly how long would it take...

262
00:12:26,693 --> 00:12:29,483
roughly how long would it take
for the human body to die?

263
00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:31,823
Eric, I'm gonna be very honest
with you.

264
00:12:31,933 --> 00:12:33,502
Without sufficient nutrients,

265
00:12:33,527 --> 00:12:35,715
the body shuts down
after six to seven weeks.

266
00:12:44,426 --> 00:12:46,380
Excuse me, that's my computer.

267
00:12:46,405 --> 00:12:49,041
Yes. And your computer
has all the personal data

268
00:12:49,066 --> 00:12:50,856
- of the students here.
- It's OK, Jesus,

269
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:52,231
Peter Thiel knows
what he's doing.

270
00:12:52,332 --> 00:12:54,235
I've downloaded all
the students' information

271
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:56,888
and loaded them into an
AI face detection program

272
00:12:56,913 --> 00:12:59,647
so the school's security cameras
can watch their every move.

273
00:12:59,672 --> 00:13:00,767
Now look.

274
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,380
Two students passing each other
in the hallway.

275
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:06,365
They give each other the sign...
six, seven.

276
00:13:06,596 --> 00:13:08,747
Exactly 67 seconds later,

277
00:13:08,772 --> 00:13:11,912
this odd parka-wearing child
makes the same gesture.

278
00:13:12,199 --> 00:13:14,483
And then
inside the girls bathroom,

279
00:13:14,508 --> 00:13:16,858
two girls doing the same thing.

280
00:13:17,066 --> 00:13:20,350
Wait, why is there a camera
inside the girls bathroom?

281
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:22,483
To stop the Antichrist.

282
00:13:22,856 --> 00:13:25,089
Now I'm following the lead
on this girl here.

283
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,181
She went home
to 67 Mala Vista Drive.

284
00:13:28,206 --> 00:13:29,996
Going through her family's
medical records,

285
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:32,735
I found that her father has
testicular cancer

286
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:36,640
and 67 days ago,
had one testicle removed.

287
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,123
That really feels like
none of our business.

288
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,904
I don't know how
I'm supposed to work

289
00:13:40,929 --> 00:13:43,332
with Nosy Nancy peering over
my shoulder all the time.

290
00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:44,999
Jesus, let's you and me
have a quick chin wiggle

291
00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,204
out in the hall.

292
00:13:54,296 --> 00:13:55,775
I'm getting close.

293
00:13:55,879 --> 00:13:58,717
I almost have the key
to stop it from happening.

294
00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:03,391
We are running out of time,
Mr. Thiel.

295
00:14:03,416 --> 00:14:05,657
The Antichrist is coming.

296
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:09,503
Satan is shopping for
baby strollers as we speak.

297
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:12,600
If I'm going to learn
what these numbers mean,

298
00:14:12,803 --> 00:14:16,072
I'm going to need access to
every government database.

299
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,604
You will have it, Mr. Thiel.

300
00:14:18,629 --> 00:14:21,325
Nothing is more important
than making sure

301
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:24,429
this baby is not born.

302
00:14:30,690 --> 00:14:33,106
Look, man, I know it's tough,

303
00:14:33,486 --> 00:14:35,446
but you gotta understand
that drastic times

304
00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:37,185
call for drastic measures.

305
00:14:37,722 --> 00:14:40,869
I just don't feel good about
treating people this way.

306
00:14:41,556 --> 00:14:44,256
I think the most important thing
still has to be loving

307
00:14:44,281 --> 00:14:45,851
and respecting each other.

308
00:14:48,493 --> 00:14:50,039
All right, man,
I need to ask you something

309
00:14:50,064 --> 00:14:51,672
and I need you
to tell me the truth.

310
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,509
Are you a fag?

311
00:14:54,239 --> 00:14:55,888
No. That has nothing to do
with it. It just...

312
00:14:55,913 --> 00:14:57,295
Are you fucking sure?

313
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,980
I'm just trying to say that
I'm really confused right now.

314
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,175
OK, but confused like you
don't know if you're attracted

315
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,537
to dudes, or like what?

316
00:15:03,562 --> 00:15:06,176
Like how we can just change
everything about who we are.

317
00:15:07,816 --> 00:15:09,362
I think you still
just don't understand

318
00:15:09,387 --> 00:15:11,140
what Christians today are about.

319
00:15:12,022 --> 00:15:14,814
Come on. There's someone I think
you should talk to.

320
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,490
Yes, the Antichrist!

321
00:15:18,515 --> 00:15:21,077
I've listened to a lot
of podcasts about that.

322
00:15:21,146 --> 00:15:23,607
Everyone keeps saying
how the Antichrist is coming,

323
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:25,162
but I'm like "He already did!

324
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:27,508
I was married to him in 2018!"

325
00:15:27,533 --> 00:15:29,996
But seriously, if he saw
how Christian I was now,

326
00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:31,811
he'd probably shit his pants.

327
00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,320
Don't be jealous.

328
00:15:33,345 --> 00:15:35,045
He's so funny.

329
00:15:46,926 --> 00:15:47,848
Hey.

330
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,503
Hey, Satan.

331
00:16:01,721 --> 00:16:03,910
- Hello, boss.
- Fuck! Shit!

332
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,518
Sorry, boss.

333
00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,673
I did not know
Satan was sleeping.

334
00:16:07,751 --> 00:16:09,790
Yeah, that's all he ever does
anymore.

335
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:11,219
Poor boss.

336
00:16:11,339 --> 00:16:14,078
If you're going to jack off,
shall I fetch your cum rag?

337
00:16:14,109 --> 00:16:15,873
Hey! I wasn't jacking off!

338
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:16,970
Sure thing, boss.

339
00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:18,785
I'll go get your cum rag.

340
00:16:25,173 --> 00:16:27,033
What is taking you so long?

341
00:16:27,499 --> 00:16:29,695
I'm very close to finding
the secret of the numbers.

342
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,408
I've narrowed it down
to one little boy

343
00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:33,302
who seems more possessed
than the others.

344
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:34,767
Then deal with him,

345
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:36,654
and keep it quiet.

346
00:16:36,753 --> 00:16:39,708
Nobody can know
that we are working together.

347
00:16:39,733 --> 00:16:41,328
When I become president,

348
00:16:41,353 --> 00:16:45,053
I will give you full access
to everyone's data.

349
00:16:45,209 --> 00:16:47,209
I've already spoken
with the mother,

350
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:50,203
and I'm on my way now
to face the child.

351
00:17:01,958 --> 00:17:05,216
? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

352
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:08,350
? Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist ?

353
00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:13,323
? I'm Peter Thiel and I
know about the Antichrist ?

354
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:15,825
? Let's deal with the Antichrist today ?

355
00:17:15,850 --> 00:17:17,155
? Today ?

356
00:17:17,486 --> 00:17:18,966
Is your son home?

357
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:20,859
Yes, Mr. Thiel.

358
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,710
He's right upstairs.

359
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,386
Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.

360
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:47,255
I'm here to help our country.

361
00:17:47,938 --> 00:17:49,320
OK.

362
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,289
I came to see you...

363
00:17:52,253 --> 00:17:54,270
in an Uber, Eric.

364
00:17:58,626 --> 00:18:01,586
Would you like to know how
long it took me to get here?

365
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:04,460
How long?

366
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:06,781
It took...

367
00:18:07,104 --> 00:18:09,230
around six or seven minutes.
I'm not really...

368
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,130
No way! No way!

369
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:20,078
You know, they're all just
a bunch of libtards anyways.

370
00:18:20,103 --> 00:18:22,270
I know what's up.
I listen to podcasts.

371
00:18:22,295 --> 00:18:24,472
You wanna know who I think
the Antichrist is?

372
00:18:24,497 --> 00:18:25,745
Greta Thunberg.

373
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:27,862
With her stupid haircut
and her dumb bangs.

374
00:18:27,887 --> 00:18:30,475
Someone should yank out
whatever's up her ass.

375
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:33,373
I can't.

376
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,670
I just can't!

377
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:43,931
Everything all right, bud?

378
00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:45,460
No, everything's
not all right!

379
00:18:45,485 --> 00:18:47,315
I don't know what
I'm doing here!

380
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:50,023
You're trying to get with
the program, bro!

381
00:18:50,048 --> 00:18:51,878
Peggy Rockbottom is
a hot Christian girl,

382
00:18:51,903 --> 00:18:53,773
now stop acting gay!

383
00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:56,578
Look, I don't know what
you think Christianity is,

384
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,791
but it has nothing to do
with that.

385
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,231
What are you saying?

386
00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:02,352
I'm saying that you
and a lot of other people

387
00:19:02,377 --> 00:19:05,558
seem to have a very warped sense
of what Christianity is.

388
00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,297
Are you questioning my faith?

389
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,935
You wanna fucking go?

390
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:11,365
No, I don't want
to fucking go.

391
00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:14,165
- You got a problem, bro?
- No, I don't have a problem.

392
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:15,859
You actually have a problem.

393
00:19:15,884 --> 00:19:17,279
You need a way to bully people

394
00:19:17,304 --> 00:19:19,160
and you're using the Bible to do it.

395
00:19:21,349 --> 00:19:24,292
You like that?
Yeah! You want some more?

396
00:19:27,193 --> 00:19:29,103
I'm not gonna fight you!

397
00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:31,558
Damn right you won't, 'cause
you're a gay little pussy!

398
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,085
Yeah, don't come back!

399
00:19:35,110 --> 00:19:36,675
You're gonna get some more,
bitch!

400
00:19:39,329 --> 00:19:41,249
Tell me what it means!

401
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:45,720
The Lord labored six days

402
00:19:45,745 --> 00:19:47,365
and on the seventh, He rested!

403
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,829
You will tell me
the significance!

404
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:57,296
There's nothing more
I can do here.

405
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,844
I have to take him
to Washington D.C.

406
00:20:00,543 --> 00:20:03,943
- Washington?
- No, he can't travel now.

407
00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:05,565
He's very sick.

408
00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:09,752
Your son is the key to saving
our country, Ms. Cartman.

409
00:20:09,777 --> 00:20:12,196
Everything we hold dear
could end.

410
00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:14,826
We have to unlock the secrets
he holds,

411
00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:17,012
no matter what it takes.

412
00:21:28,192 --> 00:21:29,712
Fuck yeah, Jesus!

413
00:21:39,316 --> 00:21:41,056
Let's fucking go, bro!

414
00:21:41,081 --> 00:21:43,452
Yes, baby! Yes!

415
00:21:45,039 --> 00:21:53,039
credits