1 00:00:30,686 --> 00:00:37,686 credits 2 00:00:42,149 --> 00:00:44,803 OK, kids, let's take our seats. 3 00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:47,691 Before we get started, we have a guest speaker today. 4 00:00:47,716 --> 00:00:51,208 Please give your undivided attention to Kipling. 5 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:53,344 Thank you, sir. Hey. What's up, guys? 6 00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:54,244 My name's Kipling. 7 00:00:54,269 --> 00:00:56,091 I'm with the Webelos of America. 8 00:00:56,167 --> 00:00:58,365 I want to talk you guys about the exciting opportunity 9 00:00:58,390 --> 00:00:59,985 to join the Webelos. 10 00:01:00,215 --> 00:01:02,391 - Is that a chick or a dude? - Shut up. 11 00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:04,086 I'm sure some of you were in Scouts before. 12 00:01:04,111 --> 00:01:05,976 Webelos are an extension of Scouts, 13 00:01:06,001 --> 00:01:07,856 specifically for fifth and sixth graders. 14 00:01:07,881 --> 00:01:09,482 You guys, is that a chick or a dude? 15 00:01:09,507 --> 00:01:11,550 - It's a chick. - Nah, that's a dude, bro. 16 00:01:11,575 --> 00:01:13,229 Part of it as well. 17 00:01:13,254 --> 00:01:15,249 Now, I know what y'all might be thinking... 18 00:01:15,274 --> 00:01:17,202 Webelos used to be only for boys. 19 00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:19,023 Well, now they also allow girls, 20 00:01:19,048 --> 00:01:21,295 and I myself, as a... 21 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,311 Webelo, can tell you 22 00:01:23,336 --> 00:01:25,604 it's a great organization for everyone. 23 00:01:28,612 --> 00:01:30,363 I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure 24 00:01:30,388 --> 00:01:31,616 that was a fucking dude. 25 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:33,310 I'm definitely betting it's a chick. 26 00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:34,422 What are the odds at? 27 00:01:34,447 --> 00:01:35,974 Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 28 00:01:35,999 --> 00:01:38,201 55% saying the Webelo is a dude. 29 00:01:38,226 --> 00:01:40,318 So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? 30 00:01:40,612 --> 00:01:41,932 What are you guys talking about? 31 00:01:41,957 --> 00:01:43,393 Prediction market app, dude. 32 00:01:43,418 --> 00:01:45,289 You know, online peer to peer betting. 33 00:01:45,435 --> 00:01:46,669 Yeah, it's social platform betting. 34 00:01:46,694 --> 00:01:47,802 People can make any bet they want, 35 00:01:47,827 --> 00:01:49,109 and then other users take them up on it. 36 00:01:49,289 --> 00:01:51,194 - Really? - Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. 37 00:01:51,219 --> 00:01:53,144 People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. 38 00:01:53,169 --> 00:01:55,384 See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? 39 00:01:55,409 --> 00:01:56,782 Will there be a snow day this month? 40 00:01:56,807 --> 00:01:58,200 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 41 00:01:58,225 --> 00:01:59,515 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 42 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,215 Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 43 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,421 Wait, what was that? 44 00:02:02,446 --> 00:02:04,365 Will school lunch have tater tots next week? 45 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,595 No, the one about my mom! 46 00:02:06,788 --> 00:02:08,095 Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza 47 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:09,557 and destroy a Palestinian hospital? 48 00:02:09,582 --> 00:02:12,019 Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital? 49 00:02:12,473 --> 00:02:14,584 'Cause she's a Jew? 50 00:02:15,329 --> 00:02:16,981 Boys, put 'em away. 51 00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:19,605 You know the rules... no cell phones during school time. 52 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,184 Sorry, Jesus. 53 00:02:22,571 --> 00:02:24,138 No phones, guys! 54 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:27,556 Take that bet down right now, fat ass! 55 00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,027 I didn't put it up, Kyle. 56 00:02:29,052 --> 00:02:30,257 I'm not even betting on it. 57 00:02:30,282 --> 00:02:32,551 It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it... those are terrible odds. 58 00:02:32,795 --> 00:02:34,188 This is such bullshit! 59 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:35,495 I'm gonna find out who started this 60 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,416 and I'm gonna fucking rip them a new asshole! 61 00:02:38,831 --> 00:02:41,745 Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. 62 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,858 Maybe these are pretty good odds. 63 00:02:46,478 --> 00:02:50,003 You're watching Fox News! 64 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,500 They're called prediction market apps... 65 00:02:52,525 --> 00:02:54,996 controversial online betting that's found a loophole 66 00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:57,189 around normal gambling laws. 67 00:02:57,214 --> 00:03:00,275 And, of course, the number one trending bet on the apps: 68 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:04,087 Will President Trump and Satan's baby be a boy or a girl? 69 00:03:04,308 --> 00:03:06,021 That's right, prediction market apps 70 00:03:06,046 --> 00:03:07,699 are going crazy right now. 71 00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:11,423 On Kalshi, 54% are betting it's gonna be a boy, 72 00:03:11,489 --> 00:03:14,753 while bettors on Polymarket are at nearly 60% 73 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,771 the demonic butt baby's gonna be a girl. 74 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:28,860 Hello, boss. 75 00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,252 Another gift for the baby. 76 00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,822 Another present for the baby? 77 00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,459 What about me? 78 00:03:35,524 --> 00:03:38,093 Everyone is so excited for the baby, boss. 79 00:03:38,204 --> 00:03:41,381 You must be so excited as well. 80 00:03:41,406 --> 00:03:43,147 - Yeah, sure. - Real excited. 81 00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:46,403 It is going to completely change your life, though. 82 00:03:47,782 --> 00:03:48,739 What are you talking about? 83 00:03:48,777 --> 00:03:50,822 Well, when the baby comes, 84 00:03:50,847 --> 00:03:53,408 you will have to give it all your attention. 85 00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:56,862 No more dinner parties in the Rose Garden. 86 00:03:56,887 --> 00:04:00,239 No more baseball games. No more travelling. 87 00:04:00,264 --> 00:04:03,267 No more long nights at Mar-a-Lago. 88 00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,931 Hey, Satan! 89 00:04:13,209 --> 00:04:15,856 You wanna get in the hot tub and smoke some cigarettes? 90 00:04:16,109 --> 00:04:19,286 Hot tubs and cigarettes are really bad for the baby. 91 00:04:19,383 --> 00:04:21,477 Yeah, I know. Let's do it anyway. 92 00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:24,158 Wait, do you want to get rid of the baby? 93 00:04:24,183 --> 00:04:26,255 I don't think your followers would be very happy 94 00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,842 if we got an abortion. 95 00:04:28,663 --> 00:04:30,839 Hey, relax, guy! 96 00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:32,779 I don't want to get rid of the baby. 97 00:04:32,804 --> 00:04:34,564 Good, 'cause we're not going to. 98 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,363 Great! 99 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:42,954 Jimmy! 100 00:04:42,979 --> 00:04:43,937 Hey, Kyle. 101 00:04:43,962 --> 00:04:45,509 What the hell is this? 102 00:04:45,613 --> 00:04:47,466 That's a prediction market app. 103 00:04:47,491 --> 00:04:51,103 I'm asking why did you bet yes that my mom would strike Gaza? 104 00:04:51,451 --> 00:04:52,713 Yeah, I put some money on that. 105 00:04:52,738 --> 00:04:54,791 I know it's not very likely, but I like to bet on 106 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,204 l-longshots. 107 00:04:56,646 --> 00:04:58,262 Why are you betting on it at all? 108 00:04:58,287 --> 00:05:00,558 Israel and Gaza is a very serious matter. 109 00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:01,665 I know, Kyle. 110 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:03,499 I told a joke about Gaza on a Zoom meeting yesterday 111 00:05:03,524 --> 00:05:04,656 and nobody laughed. 112 00:05:04,681 --> 00:05:06,726 I guess it's not even remotely funny. 113 00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:10,230 Wow. What a terrific audience. 114 00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:11,896 What is wrong with you people? 115 00:05:11,935 --> 00:05:13,227 Do you even know what Gaza is? 116 00:05:13,252 --> 00:05:15,380 Do you seriously just care about making a couple bucks? 117 00:05:15,405 --> 00:05:17,261 You know what my mom would do if she found out about this? 118 00:05:17,286 --> 00:05:18,983 She would absolutely lose her shit! 119 00:05:19,008 --> 00:05:21,359 There's been a conflict in Israel for thousands of years, 120 00:05:21,384 --> 00:05:23,557 and Jews and Palestinians are not football teams 121 00:05:23,582 --> 00:05:24,757 that you bet on. 122 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,262 Guys, phones. 123 00:05:26,287 --> 00:05:27,921 Sorry, Jesus. 124 00:05:28,475 --> 00:05:30,041 Kyle, if you think the bet isn't fair, 125 00:05:30,066 --> 00:05:31,261 then you can just take it up with the company 126 00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:33,068 - that manages the app. - I can? 127 00:05:33,093 --> 00:05:33,981 Sure thing. 128 00:05:34,006 --> 00:05:36,598 These apps aren't r-run of the mill, rinkydink. 129 00:05:36,738 --> 00:05:39,560 They're all run by highly professional strategic advisors. 130 00:05:55,350 --> 00:05:56,574 Hello? 131 00:05:57,114 --> 00:06:00,940 Yeah, is this the "Strategic Advisor for Predictive Markets? 132 00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:03,504 Yes, it is. 133 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,652 Well, there's a bet on one of your apps 134 00:06:05,677 --> 00:06:06,872 that's incredible insensitive, 135 00:06:06,897 --> 00:06:08,942 and it needs to be taken down now! 136 00:06:10,652 --> 00:06:14,958 All our bets are actually regulated by the CFTC. 137 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,656 You need to talk to them. 138 00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,987 What's the CFTC? 139 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:22,276 It's the Commodity Futures Trading Commission. 140 00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:23,822 It's the federal government. 141 00:06:23,847 --> 00:06:26,894 They have to approve all bets and deal with discrepancies. 142 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,438 Fine! I'll call the CFTC then. 143 00:06:29,463 --> 00:06:30,718 So stupid. 144 00:06:30,743 --> 00:06:33,072 Commodity Futures Trading Commission... here we go. 145 00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,964 Hello? 146 00:06:44,340 --> 00:06:46,100 Yeah, I'm calling about a prediction market bet 147 00:06:46,125 --> 00:06:47,736 that's offensive to Jewish people. 148 00:06:47,884 --> 00:06:50,279 Ooh, that sounds really bad. 149 00:06:50,304 --> 00:06:53,736 If it's offensive, you probably need to speak with the FCC. 150 00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:55,416 The FCC? 151 00:06:55,496 --> 00:06:57,920 Yeah, they're dealing with all the offensive stuff now. 152 00:06:57,945 --> 00:06:59,460 Here, let me connect you. 153 00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:11,268 Hello? 154 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,085 This is the same fucking guy! 155 00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:15,798 - Who is it? - Apparently, 156 00:07:15,830 --> 00:07:18,006 there's a really offensive bet on an app 157 00:07:18,031 --> 00:07:20,281 that the government is sort of in charge of, 158 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,255 and I'm like the strategic advisor. 159 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,064 An offensive government app? 160 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:26,353 I better go speak with the president right away. 161 00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,540 Hey, Satan! 162 00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,655 Hey, Satan! 163 00:07:49,831 --> 00:07:51,421 Can you come downstairs? 164 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,524 What do you want? 165 00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:57,738 Just come down the stairs real quick. 166 00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,087 For what? 167 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,403 For just real quick. 168 00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:01,969 There you are, Mr. President! 169 00:08:01,994 --> 00:08:03,256 I need to talk to you. 170 00:08:03,437 --> 00:08:05,239 No, no, no, no! Brendan Carr, don't... 171 00:08:11,843 --> 00:08:14,498 The FCC guy must have shitty ankles. 172 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,268 You guys! You guys! 173 00:08:23,342 --> 00:08:25,132 Have you checked out the betting app lately? 174 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,675 - No. - Ever since Kyle got 175 00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:28,140 all pissed off, the odds are going up 176 00:08:28,165 --> 00:08:29,732 on his mom attacking Gaza. 177 00:08:29,757 --> 00:08:31,585 - No way. - Yeah, check it out! 178 00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:34,046 Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it. 179 00:08:34,071 --> 00:08:36,031 We gotta get in on this, guys. 180 00:08:36,056 --> 00:08:38,281 Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza. 181 00:08:38,353 --> 00:08:40,393 Yes, exactly. We know that. 182 00:08:40,418 --> 00:08:42,306 And we can also influence Kyle 183 00:08:42,331 --> 00:08:44,132 to get the odds raised even more. 184 00:08:44,238 --> 00:08:45,979 It's called a conflict of interest, you guys. 185 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,222 It's a way to make free money. 186 00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:48,431 Isn't that illegal? 187 00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:50,019 - Yes! - All we have to do is make sure 188 00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:51,172 Kyle stays angry, 189 00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,738 and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom 190 00:08:53,763 --> 00:08:55,243 to goose the odds up even more. 191 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:56,857 What are you guys talking about? 192 00:08:56,882 --> 00:08:58,057 Nothing. Just talking about 193 00:08:58,082 --> 00:08:59,823 how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now. 194 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:02,260 - You think it's messed up? - Yes, I do, Kyle. 195 00:09:02,285 --> 00:09:04,206 Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? 196 00:09:04,231 --> 00:09:05,450 It's obvious race bait. 197 00:09:05,475 --> 00:09:07,477 Yeah, that's exactly how I feel! 198 00:09:07,639 --> 00:09:09,220 Dude, you might just want to let it go. 199 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:10,595 See? "Just let it go." 200 00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:12,557 That's how people want you to deal with a crisis 201 00:09:12,582 --> 00:09:13,862 that they don't even understand. 202 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,541 Yes! Thank you! 203 00:09:15,566 --> 00:09:16,836 You can't give up, Kyle. 204 00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:18,935 It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. 205 00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:21,671 And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? 206 00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:27,748 Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? 207 00:09:28,813 --> 00:09:31,938 Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. 208 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:33,983 Well, I don't know, I would just hate to be 209 00:09:34,008 --> 00:09:35,833 a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. 210 00:09:35,858 --> 00:09:37,512 Well, anyway, good to talk to you guys. 211 00:09:37,698 --> 00:09:39,040 Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about 212 00:09:39,065 --> 00:09:40,893 my friend Kyle's mom? 213 00:09:47,729 --> 00:09:50,380 My goodness, can you believe all the crazy apps 214 00:09:50,405 --> 00:09:52,128 our kids are on these days? 215 00:09:52,153 --> 00:09:54,460 Who can keep track anymore? 216 00:09:54,485 --> 00:09:56,723 Kyle comes to me every day with a new app 217 00:09:56,748 --> 00:09:58,225 that he just has to have. 218 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,752 I tell him, "That app costs money, Kyle. 219 00:10:00,777 --> 00:10:02,126 "Then it charges you money. 220 00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:03,790 Where you gonna get this money?" 221 00:10:03,815 --> 00:10:05,340 Yeah, you know what'd be nice? 222 00:10:05,373 --> 00:10:07,824 Is an app where you can actually make some money. 223 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:08,869 Yes. 224 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,305 That'd be great, wouldn't it? 225 00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,655 Yes, it certainly would. 226 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,875 So, Sheila, 227 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:19,114 how have you been feeling about the current situation in Gaza? 228 00:10:22,782 --> 00:10:24,348 - What? - Yeah, 229 00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,854 just... just thought we'd sort of take your temperature. 230 00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:29,018 Which way are you thinking about going with that? 231 00:10:29,957 --> 00:10:31,915 Well, I think it's all horrible. 232 00:10:31,940 --> 00:10:34,012 A lot of people are dying. 233 00:10:34,863 --> 00:10:38,560 And do you feel like you need to do anything about it? 234 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,506 What would I do about it? 235 00:10:40,531 --> 00:10:42,315 I mean, probably nothing, right? 236 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,547 You're going to do nothing about it. 237 00:10:44,572 --> 00:10:47,129 Are you implying the Jews in America 238 00:10:47,154 --> 00:10:49,750 have some kind of obligation to do something about it? 239 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,473 - Whoa, whoa! - You want to vilify my faith! 240 00:10:52,498 --> 00:10:54,234 - Is that it? - Sheila, it's OK. 241 00:10:54,259 --> 00:10:56,387 It's not Jews versus Palestine! 242 00:10:56,412 --> 00:10:58,371 It's Israel versus Palestine! 243 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,196 Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again. 244 00:11:00,221 --> 00:11:01,745 And maybe if you read books 245 00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:03,960 instead of everything Hollywood actors say, 246 00:11:04,012 --> 00:11:05,934 you'd know the difference! 247 00:11:08,932 --> 00:11:10,372 What are you putting your money on? 248 00:11:10,397 --> 00:11:14,157 I mean, it's a ridiculous bet, but she seems pretty pissed off. 249 00:11:14,182 --> 00:11:16,965 There's really no money to be made on betting she won't. 250 00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:18,644 Yeah, let's take the long odds. 251 00:11:18,859 --> 00:11:20,469 That makes these apps more fun. 252 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,680 - Yeah. - Yeah. 253 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,591 _ 254 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,315 Hey, Satan! 255 00:12:02,419 --> 00:12:04,335 I made you some soup! 256 00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:07,989 I don't like carrots. 257 00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:12,287 Hey, relax, guy! 258 00:12:12,312 --> 00:12:13,662 Carrots are good for you. 259 00:12:13,687 --> 00:12:15,776 I don't want carrots. 260 00:12:15,847 --> 00:12:18,327 I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash. 261 00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,044 Mr. President, I really need to speak with you. 262 00:12:21,069 --> 00:12:22,331 Not now, Brendan Carr! 263 00:12:22,356 --> 00:12:23,749 Satan won't eat his carrots. 264 00:12:23,774 --> 00:12:25,928 Come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. 265 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,564 Carrots are good for you, see? 266 00:12:27,589 --> 00:12:30,026 No, Brendan Carr, don't do it! 267 00:12:30,051 --> 00:12:32,519 Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I... 268 00:12:34,429 --> 00:12:35,338 God! 269 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,103 Those carrots must have been from Erewhon. 270 00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,307 Everywhere I went today, 271 00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:58,855 it was the same thing. 272 00:12:59,033 --> 00:13:01,209 What are you going to do about Gaza? 273 00:13:01,234 --> 00:13:03,454 Like us Jews in America have any control 274 00:13:03,479 --> 00:13:05,359 over what's going on in Israel. 275 00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:07,299 Why is everyone suddenly confronting us 276 00:13:07,324 --> 00:13:08,873 about the politics? 277 00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:12,559 Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald? 278 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,881 No, for some reason, they were just asking 279 00:13:14,906 --> 00:13:16,952 - what you think about it. - You see? 280 00:13:16,977 --> 00:13:18,866 It's just pure antisemitism! 281 00:13:18,891 --> 00:13:22,269 I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine 282 00:13:22,294 --> 00:13:23,905 and my thoughts on Hamas! 283 00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:26,590 And being judged for things that are centuries old 284 00:13:26,615 --> 00:13:29,139 and that non-Jews know nothing about! 285 00:13:29,164 --> 00:13:30,532 Well, if they all think we should do something... 286 00:13:30,557 --> 00:13:31,428 - You... stop! - Then you better believe 287 00:13:31,453 --> 00:13:33,093 I'll do something! 288 00:13:33,221 --> 00:13:35,223 You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews 289 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,688 should just lay low for a little bit. 290 00:13:36,786 --> 00:13:39,926 There! Now my son is complacent. 291 00:13:40,057 --> 00:13:43,337 This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it anymore! 292 00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:45,343 Ma, please. Don't make things any worse. 293 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,546 Worse? How can it be any worse? 294 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:51,048 I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, 295 00:13:51,185 --> 00:13:54,492 and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind! 296 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:57,191 No! Ma! 297 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,628 Look, boss, another present for the baby! 298 00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:10,470 Another present for the baby? Right! 299 00:14:10,926 --> 00:14:12,406 Isn't it cute, boss? 300 00:14:12,530 --> 00:14:14,033 We must be careful, though, 301 00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:16,808 cats can be very harmful to a pregnancy. 302 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,755 Harmful to a pregnancy? 303 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:23,479 Well, yes, boss, it's a parasite called toxoplasmosis. 304 00:14:23,601 --> 00:14:25,821 It can be transferred from cats to humans 305 00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:27,807 and bring about some complications. 306 00:14:29,424 --> 00:14:31,442 Toxoplasmosis? 307 00:14:55,205 --> 00:14:58,025 Hey, Satan! 308 00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:03,286 Hey, Satan, you gotta come see this, it's really great. 309 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:05,976 What? 310 00:15:06,682 --> 00:15:09,001 Ay! I thought you were napping in our room. 311 00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,560 No, I had to go get the ultrasound. 312 00:15:11,585 --> 00:15:13,544 I can't believe you didn't show up. 313 00:15:13,569 --> 00:15:16,355 It really makes me feel like you don't care about this baby. 314 00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:20,645 Hey, relax, guy, of course I care about the baby. 315 00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,747 Mr. President, I'm feeling much better... 316 00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:24,995 No! Fuck! Brendan Carr! 317 00:15:41,665 --> 00:15:44,494 - You guys. You guys, I did it. 318 00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:45,544 You did what? 319 00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:47,343 I talked so much shit about the Jews 320 00:15:47,368 --> 00:15:49,956 that I got the odds on the bet up to 95%. 321 00:15:49,981 --> 00:15:50,903 _ 322 00:15:50,928 --> 00:15:52,069 Yeah, check it out. 323 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,943 I put 1,400 bucks on it last night. 324 00:15:53,968 --> 00:15:55,360 I am locked in. 325 00:15:55,408 --> 00:15:57,005 Where'd you get 1,400 bucks? 326 00:15:57,030 --> 00:15:58,422 I just took my mom's debit card, 327 00:15:58,447 --> 00:15:59,781 entered all the info into the betting app, 328 00:15:59,806 --> 00:16:01,435 and put all the money she has on it. 329 00:16:01,647 --> 00:16:02,673 _ 330 00:16:02,698 --> 00:16:04,221 Isn't she gonna be pissed off? 331 00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:07,393 Yeah, not when I turn her 1,400 bucks into 14,000. 332 00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:09,119 This is the safest investment ever. 333 00:16:09,144 --> 00:16:10,580 Nothing can possibly go wrong. 334 00:16:10,605 --> 00:16:12,520 Hey, fellas. Fellas! 335 00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:14,234 Fellas, have you seen the news? 336 00:16:14,259 --> 00:16:15,913 Kyle's mom's in Israel. 337 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,195 - Really? - Wow! 338 00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:20,790 I just put money down! 339 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,918 Dude, your mom's in Israel. 340 00:16:42,943 --> 00:16:44,161 I know. 341 00:16:44,186 --> 00:16:45,296 Well, you gotta call her. 342 00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:46,377 You gotta calm her down. 343 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:47,983 I've been trying to call her. 344 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,368 Her phone's not working over there. 345 00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:51,445 Kyle this is no time for weakness. 346 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,493 Whatever your mom is doing, 347 00:16:52,558 --> 00:16:54,908 it is going to make kids here even more anti-Semitic. 348 00:16:56,122 --> 00:16:57,400 You're totally right. 349 00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:58,694 Damn right, I'm right! 350 00:16:58,719 --> 00:17:00,125 You have to get ahold of your mom 351 00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,403 and tell her to calm down, Kyle. 352 00:17:01,428 --> 00:17:03,058 Call the Israeli government if you have to. 353 00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:04,824 How do I call the Israeli government? 354 00:17:04,933 --> 00:17:07,066 Call a diplomat. Call an embassy. 355 00:17:07,091 --> 00:17:09,544 You just have to talk to someone who works for Israel. 356 00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:16,748 Hello. 357 00:17:17,299 --> 00:17:19,094 You have got to be shitting me! 358 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:20,892 - What? - This is the strategic advisor 359 00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:22,441 for predictive market apps. 360 00:17:22,466 --> 00:17:23,583 Tell him to take the bet down. 361 00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:24,470 What? 362 00:17:24,495 --> 00:17:25,648 Make him take the bet down, Kyle. 363 00:17:25,673 --> 00:17:26,952 It is anti-Semitic, and you have to fight 364 00:17:26,977 --> 00:17:28,217 for what you believe in. 365 00:17:29,211 --> 00:17:31,006 I called before about an offensive bet, 366 00:17:31,031 --> 00:17:32,399 and I want that bet taken down right now! 367 00:17:32,424 --> 00:17:33,556 That's right! 368 00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,445 Yes, I believe your complaint 369 00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:37,747 was being reviewed by head of the FCC. 370 00:17:38,067 --> 00:17:39,991 Well, then what's the head of the FCC doing? 371 00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,364 Where the hell is he? 372 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,524 Mr. Carr? Mr. Carr, can you hear me? 373 00:17:54,027 --> 00:17:56,938 We understand you're the head of the FCC, is that correct? 374 00:17:59,693 --> 00:18:01,341 All right, well, I'm very sorry, 375 00:18:01,366 --> 00:18:03,455 but you do appear to have toxoplasmosis 376 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,263 from exposure to cat feces. 377 00:18:07,862 --> 00:18:10,521 We need you to get some rest. Try not to move. 378 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,426 Will the head of the FCC be OK, Doctor? 379 00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:17,079 His bones are healing, 380 00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:19,136 so he may regain full range of motion. 381 00:18:19,161 --> 00:18:23,413 But if the toxoplasmosis parasite gets to his brain... 382 00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:25,927 I'm afraid he may lose his freedom of speech. 383 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,846 No! 384 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:31,110 We'll do everything we can. 385 00:18:38,998 --> 00:18:43,263 Mr. Carr, why do you keep meddling in my plans? 386 00:18:44,622 --> 00:18:46,852 I've been trying to convince the boss 387 00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:49,119 to get rid of the baby. 388 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,934 I am next in line to be president. 389 00:18:52,959 --> 00:18:55,048 That baby cannot be born. 390 00:18:55,181 --> 00:18:57,731 And if you continue to interfere, 391 00:18:57,773 --> 00:19:00,602 I will make things very difficult for you. 392 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,356 We can do this the easy way, 393 00:19:06,381 --> 00:19:09,157 or we can do it the hard way. 394 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,157 Hello. 395 00:19:24,182 --> 00:19:27,012 Yes, is this the office of the president? 396 00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:28,691 Yes, it is. 397 00:19:28,716 --> 00:19:30,544 I've got a young man who's saying one of our 398 00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:33,224 predictive market bets is offensive to Jews? 399 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,301 Ooh, that sounds bad. 400 00:19:35,326 --> 00:19:36,980 Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. 401 00:19:37,005 --> 00:19:38,351 Well, the president isn't here, 402 00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:40,074 but I'm, like, a special advisor, 403 00:19:40,099 --> 00:19:42,567 so I can probably get the bet taken down. 404 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:45,227 Ooh, I'm a special advisor too! 405 00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:46,924 Really? That's great. 406 00:19:46,949 --> 00:19:49,082 Can you email me the bet in question? 407 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,885 Yeah, I'm emailing it now. 408 00:19:50,921 --> 00:19:52,078 Yeah, I see it. 409 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:54,452 OK, I'll need to approve with the financial company 410 00:19:54,477 --> 00:19:57,606 backing all the app since the bet money needs to be returned. 411 00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,416 OK, thanks, I'll let all the Jews know. 412 00:20:05,029 --> 00:20:06,824 What the hell? 413 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,598 They took it down. 414 00:20:10,156 --> 00:20:12,854 We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets. 415 00:20:13,185 --> 00:20:14,838 How can the app company do that? 416 00:20:14,949 --> 00:20:16,461 I got in at nine-to-one odds. 417 00:20:16,493 --> 00:20:18,364 This is b-b-bullshit! 418 00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:20,461 Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt. 419 00:20:20,990 --> 00:20:23,666 Guys! For the love of God! 420 00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:30,410 Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. 421 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:33,131 You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here 422 00:20:33,163 --> 00:20:35,738 gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you. 423 00:20:36,047 --> 00:20:37,658 That's all right, Kyle. 424 00:20:37,754 --> 00:20:40,061 I'm just happy the bet got taken down. 425 00:20:40,086 --> 00:20:41,609 Now none of these sickos can profit 426 00:20:41,634 --> 00:20:43,114 off of what your mom does. 427 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,593 Yeah, well, those people 428 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,341 would have all lost the bet anyway. 429 00:20:47,655 --> 00:20:49,876 What do you mean they would have all lost the bet? 430 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:52,435 Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel. 431 00:20:53,684 --> 00:20:55,773 It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital? 432 00:20:55,925 --> 00:20:57,622 No, when my mom left the house, 433 00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:58,711 she said she was gonna find 434 00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:00,104 the person responsible for all this 435 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,825 and give them a piece of her mind. 436 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,924 You are not going to talk to me like that! 437 00:21:13,949 --> 00:21:15,400 I am extremely upset, 438 00:21:15,425 --> 00:21:18,232 and I am not leaving until I have said my piece! 439 00:21:19,086 --> 00:21:22,136 There you are, Mr. Netanyahu! 440 00:21:22,626 --> 00:21:24,454 Just who do you think you are, 441 00:21:24,479 --> 00:21:26,898 killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods, 442 00:21:26,923 --> 00:21:28,829 then wrapping yourself in Judaism 443 00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:31,169 like it's some shield from criticism? 444 00:21:31,194 --> 00:21:33,312 You're making life for Jews miserable 445 00:21:33,337 --> 00:21:35,821 and life for American Jews impossible! 446 00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,601 Don't you roll your eyes at me, mister. 447 00:21:38,638 --> 00:21:40,117 You know what you're doing, 448 00:21:40,149 --> 00:21:42,115 and you're doing it on purpose! 449 00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:44,107 Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 450 00:21:44,132 --> 00:21:46,395 'cause I'm not going anywhere, buster! 451 00:21:46,420 --> 00:21:48,440 I've been to every PTA meeting, 452 00:21:48,465 --> 00:21:49,945 every school board meeting, 453 00:21:49,970 --> 00:21:51,885 and I can go all day! 454 00:21:51,969 --> 00:21:59,969 credits