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credits

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My name is Frank.

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I've had a great life, a family,
lots of friends, adventures,

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but I'm ready for a change.

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One last shot at finding true love.

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I'm hoping this is it.

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_

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Thank you. Hi.

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Thank you so much. Thank you.

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Thank you and good evening,
Bachelor nation.

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I'm Jesse Palmer, and welcome

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to The Golden Bachelor season finale.

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Of course, we are coming to
you live from Los Angeles

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as Frank's journey to
find the love of his life

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comes to a dramatic conclusion.

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Now admittedly,
the crew nor the producers were prepared

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to host a Bachelor as eccentric

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as Frank Reynolds.

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In fact, this is the first
season in Bachelor history

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where we considered ending the
entire franchise altogether.

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But, boy, are we glad we didn't,

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because Frank captured our hearts,

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and tonight is the moment
we've all been waiting for.

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Will Frank find true love again?

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All I can say is that you'll
have to see it to believe it.

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So let's take a look back
at the season's highlights

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where Frank started in
a very different place

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than where we find him today.

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Let's get this show on the road.

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Can't wait to find a Grade A,
prime cut piece of [BLEEP].

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To love.

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Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher
around the edges than we're accustomed to.

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All right, so where are all the broads?

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I dropped a couple of blueys.

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This baby's got about a half hour

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to perform like, pew,

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and then that's it. So, let's hurry up.

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Okay, the first car is arriving now.

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Okay, all right, good. The first car.

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Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby.

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Look at this. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

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Ooh. Here it comes.
I'm anticipating this...

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Oh, let's see, yeah.

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_

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- Uh, nope.
- Excuse me?

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- No. No. Nope.
- Frank, Frank.

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Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass.

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You can walk by. You can keep on going.

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Just walk on by. That's it.

50
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Next, next, next. Bring the next one in.

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_

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- Uh-uh.
- Frank.

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No, no. Absolutely not.

54
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No, no. Pass on. Next.
Let's go to the next one.

55
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Next one, this is not working out.
What's going on?

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Frank, there's a time for this.
It's just not right now.

57
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All right, bring the next one on,
bring the next one on.

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I'm starting to get nervous.

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What do we got?

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_

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Holy... Oh...

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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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No, pass, pass, pass.

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Are all these whores gonna be this old?

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Why did I do this?
I don't know what's the matter with me.

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What the [BLEEP] did I do?

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Everyone that got out of the car,
I mean, they were, like, crackling.

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I mean, you could hear their
[BLEEP] crackling.

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- It was like, just, old meat.
- Frank,

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honestly, you didn't understand
the premise of this show?

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Well, I knew there would be
a couple of duds,

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but I thought you Hollywood
people were all about diversity.

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Well, there's gonna be women
of every ethnicity here.

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Age. Diversity of age.

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Frank, the show's called
The Golden Bachelor.

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Golden Bachelor, my [BLEEP].

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I'm [BLEEP] out of here
unless I find something

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coming out of that car that I like.

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You gotta do something.

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- You ever watch TikTok?
- Yeah, of course.

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Well, you ever...
you ever hear of Cock Chewa?

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- Cock Chewa?
- Cock Chewa...

83
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And so in a series
of Golden Bachelor firsts,

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we caved into Frank's demands.

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I saw this trash on TikTok.

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Her name was Cock Chewa.

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Her catchphrase was,
"Chew on that thang."

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I had to have her.

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My heart's beating a mile a minute.

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Let's see what happens.

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What's coming out?

92
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Oh! It's her. That's her.
That's her!

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Hey, y'all!

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- Chew on that thang.
- Chew on that thang!

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- Chew on that thang.
- Okay. She's it. She's the one.

96
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- Wait, what? What?
- I picked her.

97
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- Yeah, she's it. Okay, that's it.
- Wait, what?

98
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- I choose her. Yes.
- I get paid for this, right?

99
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Yeah, the game's over. We can take her.

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No, no, no, Frank.
It's only the first episode, okay?

101
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We have to go through
this whole process,

102
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otherwise there can't be a show.

103
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- All right, well, you get paid.
- Yeah.

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It's the first night,

105
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so you're gonna have
to wait a little while

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- to chew on that thang.
- Chew on that thang.

107
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- Chew on that thang.
- Okay, let's just keep it moving here.

108
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Oh, baby, am I boned up.
Okay, here let's go.

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Okay. Okay.

110
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All right.

111
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Oops, I thought you said we
were done with the old ones.

112
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Uh, hi. Very nice to see you,
you know. But no.

113
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- But no. Okay, so anyway, pass.
- Oh.

114
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But, you know,
go on inside and keep warm.

115
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I'll get you out of here ASAP.

116
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You're kidding me.
This cretin is the bachelor?

117
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I got better looking boils.

118
00:05:24,345 --> 00:05:27,530
That was a good one.
You got me there. You got me there.

119
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Well, maybe I'll keep this one
around just to entertain me.

120
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She got me with that... That was very...

121
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She's good.
Let's lump her in with the other one.

122
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We'll see how it goes.
That was funny. She was pretty funny.

123
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Oh. Oh. What's this?
I thought I said no dudes.

124
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Oh, I have an Amazon Prime
delivery for a, uh, Frank Reynolds.

125
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- Oh, Frank Reynolds, that's me.
- Okay.

126
00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:49,820
Yeah, that's me.
Oh, yeah, this... Thank you.

127
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,590
Oh, my, my, that was so fast.

128
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:55,620
Amazon Prime deliveries are so fast.

129
00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:57,790
Frank, what are you doing?
You can't bring your own plugs.

130
00:05:57,830 --> 00:06:00,700
Yeah... I... No, we... No plugs.
Their items are very meaningful to me.

131
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I am fired up about Chewy. That's
a broad I could spend my life with.

132
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And the other one's good too.
They both got mouths on 'em.

133
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One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp.

134
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I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old.

135
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Since Frank had already
chosen his final two,

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we had to get creative with
the situations we put them in.

137
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So, uh, where you from?

138
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Gang, gang.

139
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Chew, chew.

140
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Gang, gang. Gang. Gang, gang.

141
00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:34,460
That's a butthole.
Thank you, y'all. Thank you.

142
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:38,130
- What's that? What are you doing?
- I'm making money on a live stream.

143
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- Huh?
- Gang, gang.

144
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,789
You're making...

145
00:06:43,427 --> 00:06:44,770
So, uh, yeah, yeah, hmm.

146
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- Well, what kind of music do you like?
- Thank you.

147
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The conversation was a little rough.

148
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I didn't know what the hell
she was doing with the phone.

149
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:58,150
I guess people pay her
to respond to emojis?

150
00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:00,043
I was losing my patience.

151
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:04,190
Gang, gang. Chew, chew. Chew.

152
00:07:04,230 --> 00:07:07,226
Look, if we don't bang soon,
I'm gonna boot you off the show.

153
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,770
- Well, that worked like a charm.
- All right.

154
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,630
We banged three times that night.

155
00:07:12,670 --> 00:07:16,300
And on some kind of
OnlyFans live stream thing.

156
00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:19,137
Made 12 grand. It was incredible.

157
00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:21,510
Except for the chewing.

158
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:23,380
That was weird as hell.

159
00:07:23,658 --> 00:07:28,580
I-I thought it was more of a catch
phrase than an actual method.

160
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Where the [BLEEP] is he?

161
00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:37,990
- Wow. I'm sorry I'm late.
- Oh, hey.

162
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I had to dump out big time.

163
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,070
Oh, well, that makes two of us.

164
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:44,870
Just got here myself.

165
00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:49,103
Took the liberty of ordering
us the seafood linguine.

166
00:07:50,355 --> 00:07:53,240
- Oh. Strong choice. I like that.
- Uh-huh.

167
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,810
- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

168
00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:58,608
So... Hmm. Mm-mmm.

169
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What now?

170
00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:06,650
Ah. Well...

171
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:11,290
we could get the linguine to go,
go back to your place.

172
00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:13,130
I would say we bang at my place,

173
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,260
but I don't want you
hanging around after.

174
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:18,670
- You get it.
- What makes you think I'm gonna bang you?

175
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,162
All right, we bang after dinner.

176
00:08:21,187 --> 00:08:23,457
- Eh, make love.
- Hmm.

177
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:27,093
Yeah. So what's your deal?
Were you ever married?

178
00:08:27,710 --> 00:08:29,002
If you must know.

179
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,317
My husband's dead.

180
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,085
You knock him off?

181
00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:38,137
They say he got chomped
in two by a great white

182
00:08:38,162 --> 00:08:40,995
while he was snorkeling
off the coast of Maine.

183
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,940
Ooh, wicked.

184
00:08:42,965 --> 00:08:46,760
Personally, I think he was
smuggling drugs down from Canada,

185
00:08:46,785 --> 00:08:50,362
got chainsawed by some cartel.

186
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,800
They only found the bottom half.

187
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Nasty.

188
00:08:57,191 --> 00:08:58,764
Mmm. Nasty business.

189
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,459
Did you keep the dong?

190
00:09:02,927 --> 00:09:04,631
Of course I did.

191
00:09:05,909 --> 00:09:08,839
I had it pickled and put in a jar.

192
00:09:09,503 --> 00:09:10,503
- Yeah.
- Wow...

193
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,020
That's what I would have wanted.

194
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,870
- Hmm.
- Wow. Beautiful.

195
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,800
I have to say I
enjoyed the conversation.

196
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:26,140
We talked all night, didn't even bang.

197
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:29,645
Which is probably better because my
cock was chewed to [BLEEP].

198
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,710
So Frank was left with a dilemma.

199
00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:32,980
Who was he gonna choose?

200
00:09:33,010 --> 00:09:35,110
And for that he turned to his family.

201
00:09:35,140 --> 00:09:37,250
But in a bizarre turn of events,

202
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:41,767
the producers learned that his
family was not his family at all.

203
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:45,250
He had hired actors to play them.

204
00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:48,244
These people are maniacs.
You don't understand.

205
00:09:48,269 --> 00:09:51,374
I was afraid they were gonna
embarrass me on national television.

206
00:09:51,399 --> 00:09:55,560
So Frank was concerned that his
real family would embarrass him.

207
00:09:55,768 --> 00:09:57,405
It was time to go to his hometown:

208
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,840
Philadelphia.
The birthplace of our nation.

209
00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:02,840
Could it be the
birthplace of a new love?

210
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,740
Things were off to a rocky start.

211
00:10:06,118 --> 00:10:10,458
I was terrified to have Sam
and Chewy meet the gang.

212
00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:12,883
But I have to admit,
they played it really cool.

213
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,386
Well, here we are.

214
00:10:15,411 --> 00:10:17,456
I'm so excited to see Frank.

215
00:10:17,481 --> 00:10:19,781
Oh, I'm just excited to meet the ladies.

216
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,515
If Frank likes them, I'll like them.

217
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,230
Wonder where they are.

218
00:10:25,466 --> 00:10:27,166
I, too, am feeling things.

219
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:32,517
Well, speak of the dev...
Uh, speak of Frank.

220
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,970
- Hello.
- Hi. Hi.

221
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,056
- Well, here we are.
- Uh-huh.

222
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,142
- Yeah.
- Oh.

223
00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,850
I was really nervous that
you guys were gonna be mad

224
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,709
about the whole fake family thing.

225
00:10:44,734 --> 00:10:46,120
Oh.

226
00:10:46,150 --> 00:10:49,080
- Frank, forget it, huh?
- Oh, no. Please, we get it.

227
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,590
- I don't care.
- You were nervous.

228
00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,347
- Yeah.
- I'm passed that.

229
00:10:52,372 --> 00:10:55,720
Yeah, I want you to know how happy
we are for both of you and for Frank.

230
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,730
- Well, thank you.
- We just want what's best for everyone.

231
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:58,739
- That's right.
- Yeah, yeah.

232
00:10:58,764 --> 00:11:01,935
Uh, Frank, should we take your dates
and get to know them a little better?

233
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,270
Oh.

234
00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:07,426
Okay. Uh, all right. Play nice.

235
00:11:07,683 --> 00:11:09,100
Play nice.

236
00:11:09,140 --> 00:11:10,940
- Well, we always play nice.
- He's a funny guy, right?

237
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:12,710
- He's so funny.
- A joker.

238
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,880
Okay, listen, bitch.
You are not getting the money.

239
00:11:15,910 --> 00:11:17,250
Yeah, you're too old to have a baby.

240
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,250
And if you try and adopt,
so help me God,

241
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,007
we will snuff that thing
out like a cigarillo.

242
00:11:22,032 --> 00:11:24,232
- Hmm.
- You're on television.

243
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:25,890
Please.

244
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,760
I think we all know Disney's
never gonna air this.

245
00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,730
- No, but you will have heard it.
- What?

246
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,765
So listen to me and listen good.

247
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:35,949
You are not getting our money.

248
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,382
I have my own money.

249
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:41,570
You do?

250
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,670
Explain yourself.

251
00:11:44,110 --> 00:11:48,367
I got chicken money
and plenty of it too.

252
00:11:48,392 --> 00:11:51,393
So whatever Frank's got,
he can just keep it.

253
00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:54,141
I made my own fortune
on the backs of others.

254
00:11:54,166 --> 00:11:57,836
I don't need to be pulling it
out of an old man's pocket.

255
00:11:58,430 --> 00:12:00,430
- Chicken money.
- Chicken money, huh?

256
00:12:01,090 --> 00:12:03,290
The chicken money comment was
a bit of a relief, you know?

257
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:05,230
- Not that I trust her.
- Well, no, that's true.

258
00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:07,000
We're not really the trusting kind,
you know?

259
00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:09,200
But if she does have this so-called
"chicken money",

260
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,046
then we wouldn't mind, uh...

261
00:12:11,926 --> 00:12:13,190
Wetting our beaks.

262
00:12:14,893 --> 00:12:16,970
Did you see that?
I didn't have to say it.

263
00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:18,639
She-She walked right into it.

264
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,540
Dee's a bird.

265
00:12:29,602 --> 00:12:31,491
Uh... Chewy. May I call you Chewy?

266
00:12:31,516 --> 00:12:33,977
- Yeah.
- Chewy, we are a vibe.

267
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:35,787
And we need to know how
you're gonna fit in.

268
00:12:35,812 --> 00:12:37,454
You know,
I think it's important that whoever

269
00:12:37,479 --> 00:12:39,777
we bring into the fold
fits with our dynamic.

270
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,736
Oh, I love the gays.
I'll chew on that thang.

271
00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:45,400
That doesn't make any sense.
Moreover, it sickens me.

272
00:12:45,425 --> 00:12:47,192
What is this? How is this gonna work?

273
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,217
Like, there's no room
for you on my couch, man.

274
00:12:49,242 --> 00:12:51,582
- There's just not.
- Okay. Well, we have to pick one, Charlie.

275
00:12:51,607 --> 00:12:55,047
I don't want to pick one.
I don't understand why Frank did this.

276
00:12:55,072 --> 00:12:56,956
If he was unhappy,
why didn't he come to me?

277
00:12:56,981 --> 00:13:00,391
You ruined this, okay? I need it
to go back to the way that it was.

278
00:13:00,416 --> 00:13:02,279
Well,
he's not gonna just chew on that thang.

279
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:03,944
- Whatever y'all want.
- What does that mean?

280
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:05,339
Why does she keep saying it?

281
00:13:06,231 --> 00:13:07,642
I'd seen all I needed to see.

282
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,437
I mean, we-we couldn't run
the risk of one of these women

283
00:13:09,462 --> 00:13:11,559
becoming a major player in our lives.

284
00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:13,611
We need to bring in
someone Frank might go for,

285
00:13:13,636 --> 00:13:15,729
but who we know we can control.

286
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,857
A woman with no personal ambitions

287
00:13:17,882 --> 00:13:20,605
but who Frank could also bang.

288
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,921
Guys, I believe I have the first line.

289
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:25,276
- Uh, announcement.
- Announce. Just an announcement.

290
00:13:25,301 --> 00:13:26,909
- It's just a natural conversation.
- Yes.

291
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:29,296
- He just has to talk first.
- Welcome to Mac and Dennis's apartment.

292
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:31,273
- Well, you're Mac.
- I'm Mac.

293
00:13:31,298 --> 00:13:32,292
- Well, he's just welcoming.
- Yeah.

294
00:13:32,317 --> 00:13:33,832
This is Dennis,
and this is our apartment.

295
00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:35,857
- Yes.
- And we do a lot of hosting.

296
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:38,308
- That's right.
- And we are not a couple.

297
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:42,203
- No.
- But our living arrangement is

298
00:13:42,228 --> 00:13:43,720
- perfectly age appropriate.
- But he is gay.

299
00:13:43,745 --> 00:13:45,175
- Well, he is gay.
- Well... Goddamn it.

300
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,279
And I am gay.

301
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,136
Uh, I believe I may have snapped at
Dennis and hit him a little bit...

302
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:52,171
- Yeah, a little bit too hard.
- ...too hard.

303
00:13:52,196 --> 00:13:54,166
And also the fact that you're
gay is inconsequential because...

304
00:13:54,191 --> 00:13:55,961
- It's playful.
- Yes.

305
00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:57,945
...that's gonna make it
sound like maybe I'm not.

306
00:13:58,252 --> 00:14:00,497
- Chew on that thang.
- What?

307
00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:02,610
She's not supposed to say that, right?

308
00:14:02,635 --> 00:14:04,635
Is that it? That's all she can say?

309
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:06,675
- The vocab is limited.
- Good.

310
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,240
- Yeah.
- I'ma barf on it.

311
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:09,665
- What?
- What?

312
00:14:10,089 --> 00:14:11,725
That's not your line.

313
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,486
- What are you... What are you doing?
- What is she...

314
00:14:13,511 --> 00:14:15,833
Ah. It's kind of a catchphrase
that I do, you know what I mean?

315
00:14:15,858 --> 00:14:17,758
- She's kidding. You're kidding.
- Barf on that thing, y'all.

316
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,224
- That's playful.
- Oh, no.

317
00:14:20,249 --> 00:14:21,777
Well, no, no, no.

318
00:14:21,802 --> 00:14:23,404
Should I have a catchphrase?
I don't approve of this union.

319
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,399
Let's keep this evening
about Frank, okay?

320
00:14:25,424 --> 00:14:27,854
And not have... We don't have...
Nobody has any catchphrases.

321
00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:31,149
We-we're just...
Uh, I'm gonna raise a toast... Um...

322
00:14:31,326 --> 00:14:35,396
to these two wonderful women
and to an impossible choice.

323
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,640
- Yeah.
- Oh.

324
00:14:37,949 --> 00:14:38,333
Oh.

325
00:14:38,358 --> 00:14:40,910
- My, my. Who could that be?
- Oh. What's this?

326
00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:43,260
Goddamn it.

327
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:50,223
Hey... Oh, Miss... Ms. Kelly.

328
00:14:50,248 --> 00:14:53,029
- Mom.
- My God. Well, what brings you here?

329
00:14:53,054 --> 00:14:57,084
To be a slut and to marry Frank.

330
00:14:57,109 --> 00:14:57,969
That was...

331
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,800
Oh.

332
00:15:01,136 --> 00:15:03,656
Really? Oh, good.
Dennis, did you put her up to this?

333
00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:05,163
What do you mean? She just came over.

334
00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:07,716
Already I have to deal with
two sluts and now a third?

335
00:15:08,314 --> 00:15:09,833
Start over, Mac! Start over.

336
00:15:18,890 --> 00:15:19,950
[BLEEP] yeah!

337
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:33,666
Now the stakes were even higher
with a third woman in the mix,

338
00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:35,166
but luckily for Frank,

339
00:15:35,191 --> 00:15:38,215
he'd have the fantasy suites
to help him make up his mind.

340
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,910
This was the hardest decision
of my life. What's the order?

341
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:46,520
Do I go Chewy first and work
my way to Bonnie through Sam?

342
00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:50,490
Or do I run the risk of being
gnawed to a stump and have to heal?

343
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,610
I was feeling so many things.

344
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:55,430
And then, I had an idea.

345
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:58,960
Frank, there is no way Disney
is ever gonna go with that.

346
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,160
It's what I want.

347
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,030
No, Frank, we have to stagger them.

348
00:16:02,060 --> 00:16:04,412
I'll handle that once
we're in the middle of it.

349
00:16:04,437 --> 00:16:05,926
Look, you wanna join us?

350
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,360
I don't love it,
but no eye contact and we're good.

351
00:16:09,410 --> 00:16:11,170
All right. Let's go ahead. Let's go.

352
00:16:11,210 --> 00:16:13,780
Ha! Let's go, ladies.

353
00:16:14,270 --> 00:16:17,285
We're gonna do kind
of a group situation.

354
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,280
Why don't you just come this way?

355
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,190
- There you go. There you go.
- Yeah.

356
00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:24,390
- O-Okay, listen to me, Frank.
- Hey.

357
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:25,890
I'm no prude, right?

358
00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:28,190
I mean, I was in the navy, right?

359
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,467
I took a whole destroyer
full of torpedoes, you know?

360
00:16:31,884 --> 00:16:33,300
That's pretty funny, Sam.

361
00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:35,026
Yeah, but here's the thing:

362
00:16:35,051 --> 00:16:38,330
I feel like I'm ready to settle down
and, you know...

363
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:43,170
- ...I got feelings for-for-for you, Frank.
- You do?

364
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,840
Yeah, you know. Ain't that something.

365
00:16:45,865 --> 00:16:48,010
I-I gotta tell you a little story,
right?

366
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,280
Well, I'm kind of on the clock here,
you know?

367
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,450
Yeah, okay.

368
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,180
When I was a little girl,

369
00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:57,920
I shortened my name to
Sam and I told everybody,

370
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,465
"Ooh,
I-I really liked that so much better,"

371
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,404
but I didn't.

372
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:09,390
I-I just thought that... Samantha,
that's-that's too long for anybody to say.

373
00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:14,470
So-So I changed my name,
Frank, because I thought

374
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,880
that nobody would care enough to
take the time to say the whole thing.

375
00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:20,965
Oh, my God. Stupid, huh?

376
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,618
Well, you were a kid.

377
00:17:24,812 --> 00:17:27,982
I lived my whole life that way.

378
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:33,391
And when I was busy pretending
to be somebody that I wasn't,

379
00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:40,745
you were living your life
being exactly who you are.

380
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:47,040
I just love that about you, Frank.

381
00:17:49,170 --> 00:17:53,674
And I kind of thought it was
too late for me, but then,

382
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,048
you've shown me that it's never too late

383
00:17:59,654 --> 00:18:01,147
to find your heart.

384
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:03,720
And your voice.

385
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,390
And your name.

386
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:12,190
I think I'm falling in love
with you, Frank.

387
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:15,330
Yeah, I-I don't want to ruin that.

388
00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:18,800
So, you know, I'm not going in there.

389
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,100
I'm-I'm gonna go.

390
00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:32,756
Sam had struck a chord.

391
00:18:32,790 --> 00:18:35,690
And now Frank had an even
tougher decision to make.

392
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,815
Just what was he going to do?

393
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,140
Yeah, I mean, I took a shot, right?

394
00:18:40,165 --> 00:18:44,505
And I-I think he's feeling
the same things I am.

395
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:46,800
At least, I hope so, right?

396
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,890
Yeah.

397
00:18:54,707 --> 00:18:55,737
What's it say?

398
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,600
_

399
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:07,420
Look, as much as Dennis
wanted Frank to pick Bonnie,

400
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:10,190
we all knew he was gonna go
with the 20-year-old, so...

401
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,120
I devised that prank to
make sure she was cool.

402
00:19:13,503 --> 00:19:16,260
The prank is this,
when they fly us out there, we set off

403
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:19,557
one of those elephant toothpaste
bombs in the mansion.

404
00:19:19,582 --> 00:19:21,430
And then, if she likes it, she's in.

405
00:19:21,932 --> 00:19:23,270
- What the hell is that?
- What is that?

406
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:24,870
Oh. It's-It's like a chemical reaction.
Check it out.

407
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:29,762
- Cool, huh?
- Oh. Yeah.

408
00:19:29,787 --> 00:19:31,966
This is a good idea though, Mac.
I could work with this.

409
00:19:31,991 --> 00:19:33,793
- Yeah, that's gonna be fun.
- Okay.

410
00:19:33,818 --> 00:19:37,721
So Frank was concerned that his
real family would embarrass him.

411
00:19:37,997 --> 00:19:40,391
Well,
we've got them here with us tonight.

412
00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,296
How do you guys feel about that?

413
00:19:44,895 --> 00:19:45,995
Well...

414
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:47,661
The situation...

415
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:52,259
...under the circumstances
is quite understandable.

416
00:19:52,284 --> 00:19:57,870
Our appearance may seem gruesome,
but all can be quite easily explained.

417
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:59,040
Oh. Indeed.

418
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,800
- Yeah.
- Indeed.

419
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,510
As you can tell,
our voices have also been affected,

420
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:07,840
creating an unintentionally
sinister tone.

421
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,480
- So, where did things go wrong, guys?
- Well...

422
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:12,420
There seems to
have been a miscalculation.

423
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:15,080
- Our hubris got the best of us.
- Nonsense.

424
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:21,020
There was no mix-up in the laboratory,
no... neglect of the pH balance.

425
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:23,330
It was my jealousy of these women

426
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,930
that drove me to
surreptitiously add 20 gallons

427
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,970
of Nair hair removal into the concoction.

428
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:33,120
Wait, wait, you did what?

429
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:38,470
? You wear short shorts
If you dare wear short shorts Nair for... ?

430
00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:40,080
Yeah, we know the product.

431
00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:41,240
You're familiar with it?

432
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,850
Do you guys know the song?

433
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,810
- Yes, we know the goddamn song.
- Yes.

434
00:20:44,850 --> 00:20:46,050
Uh. Okay, okay, okay, that's just...

435
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:48,020
We're gonna stop right there.

436
00:20:48,050 --> 00:20:50,350
Uh. So with no help from
his family whatsoever,

437
00:20:50,390 --> 00:20:53,760
Frank is now left with the most
important choice of his entire life.

438
00:20:53,790 --> 00:20:57,830
And on that final night he
had to make that choice alone.

439
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:01,360
Ooh.

440
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:05,100
Frank, it's the final rose.

441
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:08,070
This is it. So who will you choose?

442
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,296
Will it be Bonnie or Sara?

443
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,310
Who the hell is Sara?

444
00:21:13,599 --> 00:21:16,355
You actually thought that the
woman's birth name was Cock Chewa?

445
00:21:16,380 --> 00:21:19,150
Oh. Never gave it much thought.

446
00:21:19,273 --> 00:21:20,873
America is waiting.

447
00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:24,190
Frank, who are you gonna give it to?

448
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:32,190
Well, Bonnie,
you are a dirty, dirty slut.

449
00:21:32,686 --> 00:21:34,056
Thank you, Frank.

450
00:21:34,081 --> 00:21:35,651
And you're old as hell.

451
00:21:35,890 --> 00:21:41,106
But-But I gotta be honest,
you bone me up like nobody else.

452
00:21:41,470 --> 00:21:44,503
So it's really hard not to choose you.

453
00:21:47,616 --> 00:21:51,525
Chewy, I gotta be honest,
I don't like the teeth.

454
00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:56,320
I-I never understood the chewing thing.
I mean, people like that?

455
00:21:56,350 --> 00:21:57,957
Chew on that thang?

456
00:21:57,982 --> 00:22:01,160
It's weird as hell.
It hurts, your chomping on it.

457
00:22:01,190 --> 00:22:02,791
I mean, it's like...

458
00:22:03,863 --> 00:22:06,645
You go deep, deep, deep.
The bottom? Oh.

459
00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:08,891
I may never recover from that.

460
00:22:10,499 --> 00:22:11,900
But I gotta say,

461
00:22:13,140 --> 00:22:16,840
you are so goddamn hot.

462
00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:19,440
It is hard not to choose you.

463
00:22:20,574 --> 00:22:22,110
I gotta make a decision.

464
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,212
I gotta make a decision.

465
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:32,490
And...

466
00:22:33,846 --> 00:22:35,260
my decision is...

467
00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:43,100
Sam!

468
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:46,400
Sam! Sam, where are you?

469
00:22:48,270 --> 00:22:49,310
Sam!

470
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:51,410
Sam!

471
00:22:53,510 --> 00:22:54,980
Sam!

472
00:22:57,350 --> 00:23:00,920
Samantha! Samantha!

473
00:23:01,587 --> 00:23:02,617
Frank.

474
00:23:03,420 --> 00:23:05,220
- Frank.
- Saman... Oh.

475
00:23:05,590 --> 00:23:07,520
Samantha, don't get on that bus.

476
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,290
I'm a jerk. I'm an idiot.

477
00:23:09,330 --> 00:23:11,490
But most of all I'm a coward.

478
00:23:11,530 --> 00:23:15,272
I-I didn't let you go
because I didn't like you.

479
00:23:15,473 --> 00:23:18,843
I-I got rid of you because
I like you too much

480
00:23:18,868 --> 00:23:20,668
and it scared the shit out of me.

481
00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:23,240
I'm just like you, Samantha.

482
00:23:23,956 --> 00:23:26,456
But together,
we don't have to be afraid.

483
00:23:28,310 --> 00:23:31,280
Would you accept this
rose and be my wife?

484
00:23:37,150 --> 00:23:38,190
Frank,

485
00:23:39,060 --> 00:23:40,090
I will.

486
00:23:55,259 --> 00:23:57,015
_

487
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,510
Be strong, Bonnie.

488
00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:02,050
Be strong for your
little gingerbread man.

489
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:03,510
Bonnie?

490
00:24:03,550 --> 00:24:04,950
How do you guys know each other?

491
00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:07,780
- This is my date.
- Yeah.

492
00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:10,414
One. Two. Three.

493
00:24:10,439 --> 00:24:13,643
- Why are you doing everything in threes?
- So Charlie doesn't die.

494
00:24:13,668 --> 00:24:14,898
Show us on the doll.

495
00:24:14,923 --> 00:24:15,993
Show you what?

496
00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:17,860
Where he touched you.

497
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,400
I don't want a dog
to eat my face, Charlie.

498
00:24:19,430 --> 00:24:21,100
She doesn't want a dog eating her face.

499
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:23,000
Oh. Sorry.

500
00:24:23,030 --> 00:24:24,470
You!

501
00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:26,300
- Hey.
- Merry Christmas.

502
00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:27,986
- I'm so excited. It's almost Christmas!
- I'm so excited!

503
00:24:28,011 --> 00:24:32,179
I'll be in the kitchen making
gingerbread men for my gingerbread boy.

504
00:24:38,722 --> 00:24:42,800
_

505
00:24:52,969 --> 00:24:59,969
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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