1
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,230
? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?

2
00:00:13,404 --> 00:00:15,405
? Gonna have myself a time ?

3
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,017
? Friendly faces
everywhere ?

4
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:18,713
? Humble folks
without temptation ?

5
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:19,931
? I'm goin' down
to South Park ?

6
00:00:19,932 --> 00:00:21,673
? Gonna leave my woes behind

7
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:23,674
? Ample parking day
or night ?

8
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:25,373
? People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ?

9
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:26,547
? I'm headin' on down
to South Park ?

10
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,332
? Gonna see
if I can't unwind ?

11
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,249
? Come on down
to South Park ?

12
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:39,250
credits

13
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,398
He's gone too far
this time, dude.

14
00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,791
The stuff he's saying about
Jews is out of control.

15
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:55,315
Bro, you just
got to ignore him.

16
00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:56,707
Bro, it's pretty hard
to ignore him

17
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,361
when he's saying it
all on a podcast.

18
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:00,842
He actually said that
all women are whores,

19
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,280
and the only thing we're
good at is murdering babies.

20
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,715
Look, guys,
just leave it alone.

21
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,066
Don't give him
any more attention.

22
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,718
That's easy
for you to say, dude.

23
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,546
Yeah, you are one
of the multitudes of groups

24
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,506
he's spewing
his stupid shit about.

25
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:12,506
Hey, guys.

26
00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:13,811
Who are you talking about?

27
00:01:13,812 --> 00:01:14,509
Clyde.

28
00:01:14,944 --> 00:01:15,901
Clyde?

29
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,251
Yeah, and his stupid
debating podcast.

30
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,514
Hey, here he comes.

31
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:21,993
Whatever, guys.

32
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,909
Prove me wrong.
Prove me wrong.

33
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,433
You don't know a thing
about the Jewish people.

34
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,653
Yeah, and shut up
about girls' bodies.

35
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:31,351
Well, that sounds like a very
female and Jew thing to say.

36
00:01:31,352 --> 00:01:32,330
If you guys don't like it,

37
00:01:32,355 --> 00:01:34,309
why don't you come debate me
on my podcast?

38
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:36,965
We're not indulging
your stupid podcast.

39
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,402
Yeah, screw you, fat ass.

40
00:01:40,256 --> 00:01:41,797
Wha-- what?

41
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,016
Now, as your counselor,

42
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,975
I want to try and understand
why you're doing

43
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,804
all these bad things
you're doing.

44
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:52,633
The other students are
very upset at this podcast.

45
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,591
And what makes you think
you got to say

46
00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:55,898
all this stuff, Clyde?

47
00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,205
Hey, I'm just trying
to make my nut, man.

48
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,642
Y-your nut?

49
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,426
Yeah, you know,
kids have it tough these days.

50
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,255
We got Xbox subscriptions,
PS5, Steam subscriptions,

51
00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:08,432
Netflix, HBO,
you want to order DoorDash.

52
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,217
My nut's about 60 bucks a week.

53
00:02:10,478 --> 00:02:12,305
So you know, as a kid,
if you could do a podcast,

54
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,395
say some really divisive shit,
then you could make your nut.

55
00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:18,049
Well, Clyde, there's more
important things

56
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,530
than a nut, mkay?

57
00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:21,330
Like what?

58
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,252
Well, like being nice,
mkay,

59
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,797
making people smile,
helping people out.

60
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,646
That's why
I became a counselor.

61
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:29,671
Yes?

62
00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,063
Mr. Mackey, I need you
to pack your stuff.

63
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,108
You've been fired, bud.

64
00:02:33,155 --> 00:02:34,461
W-what?

65
00:02:34,486 --> 00:02:36,546
Government's doing away with
needless spending in schools.

66
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,506
Get your things.
Last paycheck's up front.

67
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:39,898
What are you talking about?

68
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:42,204
Hey, wait a minute,
PC Principal.

69
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,519
Power Christian Principle, yes.

70
00:02:43,712 --> 00:02:45,687
I've worked here
for 26 years.

71
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,296
We appreciate your service
to this school,

72
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:49,907
but the government's cutting
back on unnecessary expenses.

73
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,997
Well, what's more important
than a school counselor?

74
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:53,825
Schools have
one counselor now,

75
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,914
and he is the greatest
counselor that ever lived.

76
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,655
Thanks for everything.
Now, pack your shit.

77
00:03:02,263 --> 00:03:03,046
But...

78
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,489
what about my nut?

79
00:03:20,195 --> 00:03:21,591
Hello, and welcome

80
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:25,278
to the "Clyde Donovan
Podcast."

81
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:28,599
Welcome to
the Channel of Truth, guys.

82
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:29,991
You can't trust Jews,

83
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,210
white people are
the underprivileged,

84
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,559
and women belong at home.

85
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,864
I'd like to welcome
our first guest

86
00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:35,389
to the debate, Eric Cartman.

87
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,437
What the hell do you think
you're doing, Clyde?

88
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,133
We're here speaking the truth
about the Jews

89
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:43,483
and the underprivileged
white class--

90
00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:44,614
That's my shtick.

91
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,790
Knock it off, Clyde.
You stole my idea.

92
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,203
I don't know about
stealing ideas,

93
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,011
but I do know about some
amazing supplement powders

94
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,534
- that are an absolute steal...
- Supplement powders?

95
00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,057
HE-MAN supplement powders
can really help you

96
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,146
- bulk up and get...
- Are you fucking serious?

97
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,018
People are sponsoring you
for ripping me off?

98
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,411
And it's really just the best
way to get ripped quick.

99
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,543
So be sure to get some.

100
00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:01,981
And also, be sure to hashtag
#RespectClydesAuthority.

101
00:04:02,338 --> 00:04:03,128
What?

102
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:07,681
So after losing my job,
I realized

103
00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:11,251
I really better get a handle
on how much I spend a month.

104
00:04:11,407 --> 00:04:12,599
Yes, Mr. Mackey.

105
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,078
Looking over
your portfolio here,

106
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,908
it appears you've got about
an $8,000 a month nut.

107
00:04:17,811 --> 00:04:19,573
$8,000 a month?

108
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,043
I had no idea
my nut was that big.

109
00:04:22,044 --> 00:04:24,306
Now, we could get you
a debt consolidation loan,

110
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,655
cancel your streaming services,

111
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:26,874
downgrade
your phone subscription,

112
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,354
do a second mortgage
on your house,

113
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,574
and your nut's still $8,000...

114
00:04:31,496 --> 00:04:32,367
a month.

115
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,100
But I don't have anything, mkay?

116
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,536
I can't find a job.

117
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:38,538
Nobody's hiring
counselors anymore.

118
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:39,888
What am I supposed to do?

119
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,804
Well, there are
other career opportunities.

120
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,153
Have you considered...

121
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,155
a job with the I-C-E?

122
00:04:47,073 --> 00:04:49,505
Help your country round up
undocumented immigrants.

123
00:04:50,799 --> 00:04:51,550
ICE?

124
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:52,988
I'm a counselor.

125
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:54,293
I help people.

126
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,121
I would never work for ICE.

127
00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:58,022
I understand you have
to have your principles.

128
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,082
It's just they are
offering new recruits

129
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,128
about a $100,000 salary.

130
00:05:05,397 --> 00:05:06,727
Say--say what now?

131
00:05:08,444 --> 00:05:10,539
Are you looking
for a new career?

132
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,573
Why not join the I-C-E?

133
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,443
We have jobs available now

134
00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,881
with up to
a $50,000 signing bonus.

135
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:18,579
Signing bonus?

136
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:21,407
? We don't ask
for experience ?

137
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:22,757
? Just show up

138
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:26,630
? We don't care if you've
read a book or grown up ?

139
00:05:26,655 --> 00:05:29,590
? If you're crazy
or fat and lazy ?

140
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:32,132
? We don't care at all ?

141
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,638
I'm proud
to work for the I-C-E.

142
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,425
? Immigration
and Customs Enforcement ?

143
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:40,817
? If you need a job

144
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,013
? It's a job

145
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,102
? To have

146
00:05:48,927 --> 00:05:52,612
And now, watch as
Clyde Donovan totally destroys

147
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,310
these woke liberal students.

148
00:05:54,669 --> 00:05:56,180
Welcome to the channel, guys.

149
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,139
Looks like a lot
of whiny babies have a problem

150
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,490
with what I say,
so prove me wrong.

151
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,187
Uh, Hey, Clyde.

152
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,754
Um, you said nothing good
ever came from the Jews.

153
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,844
But if that's true,
why are bagels so yummy?

154
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,064
- Yeah.
- Yeah!

155
00:06:09,089 --> 00:06:10,649
Well, you've obviously
been taught by the Jews

156
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,109
to have a problem with this
school and with America.

157
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:14,155
So let me ask you this-- what
is your definition of a woman?

158
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:15,826
Wait, now, what?

159
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:17,986
What is a woman?
It's a very simple question.

160
00:06:19,118 --> 00:06:21,510
Well, a woman is
a lady friend

161
00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,207
who, you know,
gives you kisses.

162
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,339
You see, you can't
answer the question.

163
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:25,819
But something is male
or it is female.

164
00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,342
Both science and scripture
agree to that.

165
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,909
And that's just the truth.
Next.

166
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,738
Another woke
student totally destroyed.

167
00:06:31,739 --> 00:06:32,914
Oh, jeez.

168
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,828
Did you call
the girls' soccer team

169
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,047
a Marxist
indoctrination factory?

170
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,397
That is correct.

171
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,530
We actually beat the boys
4 to 0, you know.

172
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,401
You can whine about American
oppression all you want,

173
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,098
but you're using an iPhone
made by the free market

174
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:45,752
to complain about a system
that gave it to you.

175
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,406
Girls have it way easy
in America,

176
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,886
and that's just the truth.

177
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,155
Woke student totally pwned.

178
00:06:51,294 --> 00:06:52,541
Women have it good
in America,

179
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,500
just like Black people do.

180
00:06:53,525 --> 00:06:55,152
Black people have everything
handed to them--

181
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:55,980
Motherfucker!

182
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:04,704
I'm sick of people
stealing my schtick.

183
00:07:04,729 --> 00:07:07,630
If anyone around here
is gonna be a master debater,

184
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,514
it's me.

185
00:07:08,588 --> 00:07:09,545
So let's go.

186
00:07:09,570 --> 00:07:11,125
Who wants to debate
the master debater?

187
00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:12,337
Let's go.
You right there.

188
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,477
That's the stupidest haircut
I've ever seen.

189
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,218
You are wrong.

190
00:07:16,243 --> 00:07:19,109
Leviticus 3:17 says it shall be
a perpetual statute

191
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,874
for your generations
throughout all your dwellings.

192
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:21,963
So you can shut up, Bebe.

193
00:07:21,988 --> 00:07:23,548
You just hate America
and you love abortions.

194
00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:38,501
Mr. Mackey?

195
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:39,992
Uh, yes, r-right here.

196
00:07:43,855 --> 00:07:45,247
Have a seat, sir.

197
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,817
What makes you want to work
for immigration enforcement?

198
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:50,957
Uh, well,

199
00:07:51,417 --> 00:07:53,037
you see, I got a nut.

200
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:54,385
All right, you're hired.

201
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:55,475
Take this to the next station

202
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,456
for your physical
and orientation video.

203
00:07:58,608 --> 00:07:59,827
Well, th-that's it?

204
00:08:04,964 --> 00:08:07,398
You will now watch
an orientation video

205
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,081
featuring the Director
of Homeland Security.

206
00:08:15,914 --> 00:08:17,714
Welcome to the team, recruits.

207
00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:20,240
I'm Kristi Noem,
Head of Homeland Security.

208
00:08:20,944 --> 00:08:23,459
Oh, she seems nice, mkay?
Very pretty.

209
00:08:23,588 --> 00:08:25,982
A few years ago,
I had to put my puppy down

210
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,463
by shooting it in the face,

211
00:08:27,488 --> 00:08:29,396
because sometimes
doing what's important

212
00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,858
means doing what's hard.

213
00:08:36,324 --> 00:08:38,561
Now, we'll ask
the same determination of you.

214
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,216
Because detaining
and questioning people

215
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,348
is never easy.

216
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,048
Oh, God!

217
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,745
As the face
of Homeland Security,

218
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:50,837
I'll be leading the way.

219
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,403
And together,
we'll make sure

220
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,537
everyone is in this country
legally.

221
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,844
So let's get out there
and get 'em, recruits.

222
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,673
Together,
we can make it happen.

223
00:09:06,757 --> 00:09:08,590
We hope you enjoyed
the presentation.

224
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,985
Please step through to the
vehicles for your first raid.

225
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:26,913
Keep your hands and feet
inside the vehicle

226
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:27,784
at all times.

227
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,964
Lock and load, recruits!

228
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,184
Prepare to raid!

229
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,194
Mmm-kay.

230
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,670
Watch as
Eric Cartman shuts down

231
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,149
these woke liberal students.

232
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:46,983
Oh, my God.

233
00:09:47,008 --> 00:09:48,674
What makes you think
you have the right

234
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,111
to say what I do with my body?

235
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,026
Let me ask you something.

236
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:54,244
If a pregnant woman is killed
and the baby dies too,

237
00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,042
why is the killer charged
with a double homicide?

238
00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:58,945
Well, b--because people
have different beliefs.

239
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,468
It's not about belief.
It's about truth.

240
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,252
Science confirms life
begins at conception.

241
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,124
So, yes, Jeremiah 1:5 says,
before I formed you

242
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:04,865
in the womb, I knew you.

243
00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:06,082
But it's just morality
that demands

244
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,345
we protect the most vulnerable.

245
00:10:07,370 --> 00:10:09,257
So let me ask you--
when do you think life begins?

246
00:10:10,554 --> 00:10:12,393
Eric, are you all right
in there?

247
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,177
Yeah, I'm fine, Mom.

248
00:10:13,202 --> 00:10:14,577
I'm just in here
master debating.

249
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,311
Well, Eric, that's enough.

250
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,878
Let's get out of the bathroom.

251
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:19,662
I can't, Mom.

252
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,413
I'm master debating to these
young college girls.

253
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:24,187
That's very naughty, Eric.
Stop it.

254
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,015
Mom, I finally got
sponsored by a protein powder,

255
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,888
so I gotta master debate
for a couple more hours.

256
00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:29,733
Leviticus 9:1-8.
Leave me alone.

257
00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:38,159
All right, recruits.
This is it.

258
00:10:38,292 --> 00:10:39,550
We're heading to a location

259
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,423
that might be filled
with illegals.

260
00:10:41,448 --> 00:10:43,686
Let's take these
bad hombres down.

261
00:10:45,607 --> 00:10:46,775
Backpack.

262
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:47,821
Backpack.

263
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:50,432
Backpack. Backpack.

264
00:10:55,262 --> 00:10:57,133
? I'm the map,
I'm the map ?

265
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,874
? I'm the map,
he's the map ?

266
00:10:58,875 --> 00:10:59,875
? He's the map,
I'm the map ?

267
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:00,870
Freeze!

268
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,115
Oh, God. Mkay.

269
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:09,581
We're just here
for questioning.

270
00:11:09,945 --> 00:11:12,279
Cooperate, and nothing bad--
holy shit.

271
00:11:20,399 --> 00:11:22,158
Look,
I'm really sorry about this.

272
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:24,707
It's just, I got
a monthly nut, you know?

273
00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:26,555
I gotta make my nut.

274
00:11:29,966 --> 00:11:31,707
You did a good job
in there, soldier.

275
00:11:31,831 --> 00:11:34,040
Mkay.
Thank you, Captain.

276
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,868
I know it's tough
doing what's hard,

277
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:38,219
but we could use more men
like you in the--

278
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,655
Whoa, what the fuck?

279
00:11:40,656 --> 00:11:42,179
Your Botox, Ms. Noem.

280
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,702
Oh, yeah.
Fix me up.

281
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,529
Fix me up.

282
00:11:47,684 --> 00:11:49,752
Another day doing what's tough.

283
00:11:55,946 --> 00:11:57,498
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

284
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,979
But a body growing inside
a woman's body is not her body.

285
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,527
It's a completely separate
fetus--

286
00:12:03,086 --> 00:12:04,593
Eric, what are you doing?

287
00:12:05,199 --> 00:12:06,417
I'm sorry, mom.

288
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,076
You told me to go to sleep, but
I started masterdebating again.

289
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,209
This is really getting
to be a problem, Eric.

290
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:13,296
Mom, you don't understand.

291
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,645
I'm getting really good
at this.

292
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,256
I have my arguments down
rock solid.

293
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,910
These young college girls
are totally unprepared,

294
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,216
so I can just destroy them
and also edit out all the ones

295
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,479
that actually argue back well.

296
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:23,045
It just feels so good.

297
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,612
I understand it feels good,

298
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:27,137
but that doesn't mean
you do it all the time.

299
00:12:27,517 --> 00:12:28,692
I'm sorry, Mommy.

300
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,966
Put the computer away
and leave those poor

301
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,533
college girls alone.

302
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:33,515
OK.

303
00:12:33,540 --> 00:12:35,145
I won't master debate
anymore tonight.

304
00:12:36,961 --> 00:12:38,626
Look, look, you can call it
reproductive rights.

305
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,063
But be honest,
if a baby could speak,

306
00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:41,263
it would fight
for its right to live.

307
00:12:41,288 --> 00:12:42,158
Eric Cartman!

308
00:12:42,183 --> 00:12:43,046
I'm sorry, Mom!

309
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:48,636
Tom, another protest today,
as thousands turned out

310
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,160
in downtown Denver
to voice their outrage

311
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,597
against the I-C-E.

312
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,991
This is just out of control.

313
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,297
A lot of the people being
targeted in these raids

314
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,474
are kind, hard-working,
deeply faithful people

315
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,085
who care for their families.

316
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:06,480
I have no doubt that there are
many, many Latinos in heaven.

317
00:13:21,815 --> 00:13:23,585
Oh, this is bad.

318
00:13:23,621 --> 00:13:24,455
Mkay?

319
00:13:34,978 --> 00:13:37,380
Remember, only detain
the brown ones.

320
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,034
If it's brown, it goes down.

321
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,080
Jesus, look out!

322
00:13:49,548 --> 00:13:51,307
There's another one
flying over here.

323
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,396
Catch him!
Catch him!

324
00:13:54,899 --> 00:13:56,660
I just need
to ask you some questions,

325
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,272
mkay, make sure you're legal.

326
00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,448
How did you get into heaven?

327
00:14:00,752 --> 00:14:03,058
Um, I was really nice
to people,

328
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,060
and I helped various charities.

329
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,627
Look,
I'm really sorry about this,

330
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,499
but I'm just trying
to make my nut.

331
00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,197
Mackey, I need a word.

332
00:14:11,863 --> 00:14:13,026
Yes, Captain?

333
00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:15,331
You did another great job
out there, Mackey.

334
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,507
I like your style.

335
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,553
Oh.
Thank you.

336
00:14:18,578 --> 00:14:20,032
The President's
handing out bonuses

337
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,207
to recruits that stand out.

338
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,556
And I'm going to recommend you

339
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:23,815
for the next set
of bonuses that--

340
00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:27,433
Grab it!

341
00:14:30,673 --> 00:14:32,466
No more brownies in heaven.

342
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:37,440
Hello and welcome
to the third annual

343
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:40,357
Charlie Kirk Award
for Young Masterdebaters.

344
00:14:42,516 --> 00:14:44,230
More and more
young people today

345
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,058
are learning to fight
for America

346
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:47,495
through masterdebation.

347
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:51,151
We're here to honor the recent
efforts of a brave young man

348
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,543
who has been
furiously masterdebating

349
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:55,981
for the past several days
and has won himself

350
00:14:55,982 --> 00:15:00,115
not only this trophy, but also
an all expenses paid vacation

351
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,248
to a beautiful
five-star resort.

352
00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,733
He has proven himself
the true champion.

353
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,170
Please welcome
the best young masterdebater

354
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:13,608
of our time, Clyde Donovan.

355
00:15:14,495 --> 00:15:15,475
Clyde?

356
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,876
No! That's my trip
to a five-star resort!

357
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:23,467
Come on, Eric.
Let's go.

358
00:15:24,497 --> 00:15:25,599
Thanks, everyone.

359
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,056
The Civil Rights Act
was a huge mistake.

360
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,929
And, I don't know, lesbians
are an abomination of God.

361
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,671
You all stole my schtick!

362
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,891
Clyde!

363
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,116
OK.

364
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:45,030
We got some
of your pay stubs in.

365
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,771
Let's see
how that nut's looking.

366
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,558
Well, seems you got
some bonuses

367
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,212
for rounding up
the most Mexicans.

368
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,388
Shh.

369
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,868
We don't round up Mexicans, OK?

370
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,884
We just detain foreigners
who might be illegal.

371
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:00,655
OK.

372
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,787
Well, after taxes
and with your bonuses,

373
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:06,487
it looks like you've got about
$10 grand a month to spend.

374
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,141
- Oh, I do?
- Yes.

375
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,666
And your nut's up to about
$12 grand a month.

376
00:16:12,283 --> 00:16:13,121
What?

377
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,496
But my nut was only
$8 grand a week ago.

378
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,802
Right.
But you got a good-paying job.

379
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,542
You see,
as you make more money,

380
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,545
your nut actually gets bigger.

381
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,590
How is that possible?

382
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:24,331
It's all right.

383
00:16:24,356 --> 00:16:25,810
If you can just get
a few more bonuses,

384
00:16:25,835 --> 00:16:27,768
we can refinance the house,
divide that

385
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,813
by the number of Mexicans
you detained, and, of course,

386
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,294
compound any Costa Ricans
you might incur to the--

387
00:16:32,935 --> 00:16:34,994
Freeze!
Nobody move!

388
00:16:37,342 --> 00:16:38,665
Here he is over here.

389
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,261
Come on, Mackey.
Need to talk to you outside.

390
00:16:41,479 --> 00:16:43,330
Talk to me?
About what?

391
00:16:43,934 --> 00:16:45,439
What's this all about?

392
00:16:45,743 --> 00:16:47,440
Congratulations, recruit.

393
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,790
I talked to the president
about your accomplishments,

394
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,880
and he says he wants
to help you with your nut.

395
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,100
Really?
He does?

396
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,187
That's right.

397
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,232
We have orders
to get you on a plane.

398
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,235
The President wants
to thank you personally.

399
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:00,758
Congratulations.

400
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,934
He's invited you to Mar-a-Lago.

401
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,415
Mar-a-Lago?

402
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:21,823
Oh, wow.

403
00:17:35,841 --> 00:17:37,708
Relax! Take a load off!

404
00:17:37,778 --> 00:17:39,492
Boss, the plane is here

405
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,756
from Immigration
and Customs Enforcement.

406
00:17:41,781 --> 00:17:43,240
I know, stupid.
Let's go.

407
00:17:55,715 --> 00:17:56,987
Hey, buddy.

408
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:59,220
Welcome to Mar-a-Lago.

409
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,993
Oh, thank you, Mr. President.

410
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:04,213
What is his fantasy, boss?

411
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,287
Will you get out of here?

412
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,435
Listen, buddy,
I want to offer you

413
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:10,828
an incredible opportunity.

414
00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:12,612
How would you like to make
more money

415
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,267
than you ever thought possible?

416
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618
Well, I do have
a pretty huge nut.

417
00:18:17,643 --> 00:18:19,471
Now, that's the kind
of talk I like.

418
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:21,787
Mar-a-Lago's for everyone
that's got a nut.

419
00:18:24,293 --> 00:18:25,686
I'm giving you a promotion.

420
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:29,108
You'll have access to all
that Mar-a-Lago has to offer.

421
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:32,502
I want to make you the new face
of Homeland Security.

422
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,722
But, Mr. President,
I thought Kristi Noem

423
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,419
was the head
of Homeland Security.

424
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,726
Well, she was, but her face
freaks me out.

425
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:40,771
So what do you say?

426
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,165
Well, I do need
a high-paying job.

427
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,340
Excellent.

428
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,082
Now, let's take care
of that nut for you.

429
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,781
Hey, Satan.

430
00:18:50,809 --> 00:18:52,783
Meet the new face
of Homeland Security.

431
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,002
Whoa!
Oh, my God.

432
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,090
I just want to go.

433
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,396
This place is gross.

434
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,311
Would you like me
to apply the baby oil

435
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,096
to Satan's asshole, boss?

436
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:04,548
OK, look, I think there's
been a misunderstanding.

437
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:07,189
I'm going to take
a little break here.

438
00:19:07,318 --> 00:19:08,668
Hey, come on.

439
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:09,800
Relax, guy.

440
00:19:15,251 --> 00:19:17,025
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.

441
00:19:19,565 --> 00:19:22,377
Backpack, backpack.

442
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:23,900
Oh, God, Dora the Explorer.

443
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:24,882
Excuse me.

444
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:32,571
Clyde?

445
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:35,477
Not right now, sir.

446
00:19:35,478 --> 00:19:36,479
I've kind of had enough.

447
00:19:37,698 --> 00:19:41,136
What are you doing here...
young man?

448
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,051
Just trying
to make my nut, sir.

449
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,574
Didn't really want all this.

450
00:19:46,638 --> 00:19:49,641
Oh, well, young man...

451
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:58,936
I kind of know what
you're going through, mkay?

452
00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:02,852
I know we all have
a lot of pressures

453
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:06,292
and we all want
nice things, mkay, but--

454
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:10,209
but if you're doing something
you don't really believe in

455
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:12,428
just to make your nut,

456
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,084
you're going to find
that you just get sadder

457
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,391
and your nut just gets bigger.

458
00:20:19,132 --> 00:20:19,994
Mkay?

459
00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:22,809
Yeah.

460
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:24,179
I guess you're right.

461
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:28,227
But... who are you?

462
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,581
I'm a goddamn counselor.

463
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,757
That's what I am.

464
00:20:37,378 --> 00:20:39,586
This place isn't right
for either of us.

465
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,197
There's got to be someone
that can help get us out.

466
00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:57,081
All right.
Got him.

467
00:20:57,771 --> 00:21:00,259
Hey, Kristi, what's going on?

468
00:21:00,598 --> 00:21:02,129
Trying to replace me

469
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,219
as the face
of Homeland Security, huh?

470
00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:06,090
Hey, relax, guy.

471
00:21:06,211 --> 00:21:08,038
Who could replace
a face like that?

472
00:21:08,151 --> 00:21:10,050
Think I can't handle myself
'cause I'm a lady

473
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,183
with good looks
that drive men wild?

474
00:21:28,158 --> 00:21:30,289
Come on.
We're getting out of here.

475
00:21:30,952 --> 00:21:32,365
You too, come on.

476
00:21:35,298 --> 00:21:36,904
We got it.
We got it.

477
00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,451
Another job well done.

478
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:48,392
? Loo loo loo,
loo loo loo loo loo ?

479
00:21:48,417 --> 00:21:52,024
? Loo loo loo, loo loo loo ?

480
00:21:52,048 --> 00:22:00,048
credits