1 00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:04,260 *CREDITS* 2 00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,490 Oh, God. 3 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,723 My daughter is not some conquest. 4 00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:10,190 I can't trust either of you. 5 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,290 Be careful you're not tarring Meg with the same brush. 6 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:15,223 Do you really think I'm just going to retire to be a housewife? 7 00:00:15,233 --> 00:00:16,656 Come over for dinner. 8 00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,390 Let's call it an apology. 9 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,956 I'll be calling it "Great Expectations." 10 00:00:20,966 --> 00:00:23,333 What the hell you playing at? 11 00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,600 There you are... come on! 12 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,366 Chop-chop. 13 00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,290 Vicarage. 14 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,690 So, first date. 15 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:18,056 All ready for dinner with Minxy Meg the librarian? 16 00:01:18,066 --> 00:01:20,390 I would be if I wasn't on the phone to you. 17 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,890 What's on the menu? 18 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:24,823 For starters, I've made chicken liver pâté. 19 00:01:24,833 --> 00:01:26,823 Right, let me stop you there. 20 00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:28,190 Chicken liver? 21 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,956 It's quick. It's tasty. 22 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,723 It's the liver of a chicken, Alphy. 23 00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:35,466 And offal doesn't say romance? 24 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,656 What's the main course? Tripe? 25 00:01:40,666 --> 00:01:43,223 You really aren't helping my nerves here, Geordie. 26 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,566 Ah, you got nothing to worry about. 27 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,923 What if she hates the dog, 28 00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:49,823 or I give her food poisoning? 29 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:52,756 Well, you've got those things to worry about, sure. 30 00:01:52,766 --> 00:01:55,623 Alphy, you're delightful. 31 00:01:55,633 --> 00:01:57,256 And she's delightful. 32 00:01:57,266 --> 00:01:59,123 Don't overthink it. 33 00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:00,990 Don't overthink it... I can do that. 34 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,156 And the flowers? 35 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,156 Flowers? 36 00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,956 Have you got flowers? 37 00:02:04,966 --> 00:02:06,366 Should I have flowers? 38 00:02:07,366 --> 00:02:08,466 The boy's an amateur. 39 00:02:16,766 --> 00:02:18,723 Sorry. 40 00:02:18,733 --> 00:02:21,056 Oh, I say! 41 00:02:21,066 --> 00:02:22,823 What a to-do! 42 00:02:22,833 --> 00:02:26,966 What a to-do! What a to-do! 43 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,856 Oh, I say. 44 00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:35,323 What a to-do! What a to-do! 45 00:02:35,333 --> 00:02:37,733 What a to-do! 46 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,123 Oh, do it again, David! 47 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:44,856 He's such a card! 48 00:02:44,866 --> 00:02:46,056 Go on, David... show him. 49 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,733 It's hilarious. 50 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,556 What you doing? We were watching that! 51 00:02:57,566 --> 00:03:00,133 Don't happen to think it's very funny, that's all. 52 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,756 Hello? 53 00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:07,856 Boss. 54 00:03:07,866 --> 00:03:09,100 Sorry to call you on your night off. 55 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:11,990 Boss? 56 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,490 I'm here. 57 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:14,566 What is it, Larry? 58 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:19,966 What do we think? 59 00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:26,923 She's the bishop's daughter. 60 00:03:26,933 --> 00:03:29,256 God forbid she sees my clavicle. 61 00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:31,323 This could be the future Mrs. Kottaram. 62 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:34,523 Whoa, whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves. 63 00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:37,433 One error could ruin your entire future. 64 00:03:38,733 --> 00:03:41,700 Oh, well, that's put me at ease, thank you. 65 00:03:48,933 --> 00:03:50,890 You want me to go, don't you? 66 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,690 Very much so, yes. 67 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,766 I'll get it. 68 00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:01,923 Miss Grey. 69 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,756 Mrs. Chapman. 70 00:04:03,766 --> 00:04:05,790 Uh, she's just leaving. 71 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,890 Aren't you looking smashing? 72 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:09,590 Doesn't she look smashing? 73 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,623 Love to Jack, Mrs. C. 74 00:04:11,633 --> 00:04:13,390 He's been a bag of nerves all day, bless him. 75 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,456 All afluster. 76 00:04:14,466 --> 00:04:15,956 Not, not really. 77 00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:17,123 Liar. 78 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,790 Do you like sloe gin? 79 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,323 I can't say I've ever tried it. 80 00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:22,923 I'll get out my special batch. 81 00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:25,423 Usually only comes out at funerals. 82 00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,090 Oh, that funeral can be arranged. 83 00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:32,323 Have fun. 84 00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:33,833 Not too much fun. 85 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,090 You do, by the way. 86 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,133 Do what? 87 00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:45,823 Look smashing. 88 00:04:45,833 --> 00:04:48,256 Thank you. 89 00:04:48,266 --> 00:04:49,300 Likewise. 90 00:04:56,133 --> 00:04:57,833 Alphy, can we make a pact? 91 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,656 Sure. 92 00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:02,756 That if this evening doesn't work out... 93 00:05:02,766 --> 00:05:05,023 If we run out of things to say. 94 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,755 Or I insult your cooking. 95 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,487 Or we disagree on politics? 96 00:05:08,497 --> 00:05:12,666 - Or there's just... - Absolutely no spark. 97 00:05:13,666 --> 00:05:16,433 Then we shake hands and part on good terms. 98 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,690 Maybe meet for a coffee once in a while? 99 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:22,723 That's not gonna happen. 100 00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:24,556 No? 101 00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,666 I can't stand coffee. 102 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:34,690 And what time did you last see her alive? 103 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:36,956 Wakey, wakey. 104 00:05:36,966 --> 00:05:39,800 Are you sure about that? 105 00:05:41,266 --> 00:05:43,090 Drunk as a skunk. 106 00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,923 Why does it always have to be Saturday night? 107 00:05:45,933 --> 00:05:48,056 Do you know what Saturday night should be, Larry? 108 00:05:48,066 --> 00:05:49,056 Steak and onions? 109 00:05:49,066 --> 00:05:50,700 Steak and onions. 110 00:05:52,866 --> 00:05:55,156 Stab wound. 111 00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:57,756 Narrow blade, by the looks of it. 112 00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,066 Mrs. Tassell ran the place. 113 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:02,723 Mrs. Tassell? 114 00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,966 Of Tassell's strip club. 115 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,633 The club isn't named after her. 116 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:12,256 - Isn't it? - Have you never been to a strip club, Larry? 117 00:06:12,266 --> 00:06:15,156 Whole thing makes me feel a bit queasy, if I'm honest. 118 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,890 I can explain it to him, if you want. 119 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,990 No, not necessary, Miss...? 120 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,323 Kitty... but you can call me whatever you like, sweetheart. 121 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:24,056 Kitty'll do. 122 00:06:24,066 --> 00:06:25,490 Where's the cash? 123 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,223 Should be in that box. 124 00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:28,723 Stanley here's the doorman. 125 00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:30,790 Doorman, barman. 126 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,190 General dogsbody. 127 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,256 Busy night? 128 00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,090 Yeah, should be a good 50 quid in there. 129 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,233 Some bugger's nicked it. 130 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:40,556 So, she's sitting here. 131 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,233 Watching Joan give her Salome. 132 00:06:43,933 --> 00:06:45,423 That one's lost on me, too. 133 00:06:45,433 --> 00:06:47,056 Midway through, she just slumped. 134 00:06:47,066 --> 00:06:48,956 Girls thought she'd had one too many. 135 00:06:48,966 --> 00:06:50,233 She always has one too many. 136 00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:52,390 No one stabbed her? 137 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,823 No one touched her. 138 00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:55,723 She just... 139 00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:57,900 Like great big sack of potatoes. 140 00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:00,223 Where were you? 141 00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:02,400 Upstairs, on the door. 142 00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:06,290 I want all these fellas interviewed. 143 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,656 Any other girls? 144 00:07:07,666 --> 00:07:09,290 Joan. 145 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:11,290 I'll want to talk to her, too. 146 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,890 You'll have a hard job of that. 147 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,233 She left with the vicar. 148 00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:18,133 The vicar? 149 00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:24,990 You wait there for me. 150 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,200 Follow me, sir. 151 00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:43,956 Mind your head. 152 00:07:43,966 --> 00:07:46,400 Thank you, handsome. 153 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,900 Pack it in. 154 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:53,966 Sneaky Pete's. 155 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,323 Know where it is? 156 00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,890 Down by the river. 157 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,190 Maybe there's a bit of rivalry going on. 158 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,323 What do you reckon? 159 00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:03,656 Sneaky Pete's bumping off the competition? 160 00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:06,123 Get down there, see what you can find. 161 00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:07,490 Oh, and get uniform on the lookout 162 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,956 for a stripper and a vicar. 163 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:10,766 - Shouldn't be too hard to find. - Kitty! 164 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:16,466 Make that two strippers and a vicar. 165 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,100 Bon appétit. 166 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,290 It's more edible than it looks. 167 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,190 I'm not going to make love to you. 168 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,856 I'm sorry? 169 00:08:32,866 --> 00:08:34,590 I just want to get that out of the way 170 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,056 so that there isn't any expectation. 171 00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:39,690 There aren't any expectations. 172 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,090 So the candlelight? 173 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,056 And the flowers? 174 00:08:43,066 --> 00:08:44,956 The flowers weren't my idea. 175 00:08:44,966 --> 00:08:47,390 Just feels a bit woo-ey. 176 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,490 Woo-ey? 177 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,056 I just don't want you expecting 178 00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:52,923 we'll go straight to the main course, as it were. 179 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,423 All I was expecting was some good conversation. 180 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,523 Not even a bit of kissing? 181 00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:00,656 Well, I didn't like to presume. 182 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:03,590 Glad to hear it. 183 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,800 Yoo-hoo! Only me! 184 00:09:06,966 --> 00:09:09,033 I'll be right back. 185 00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:12,956 I couldn't leave. 186 00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:14,990 Yes, you could. 187 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,423 Just found these two wandering in the churchyard. 188 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:20,990 If he calls me "poppet" once, 189 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,466 I will not be responsible for my actions. 190 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,623 Everything's going to be fine. 191 00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:34,256 David? 192 00:09:34,266 --> 00:09:37,523 Alphy, my boy. 193 00:09:37,528 --> 00:09:38,528 How are we? 194 00:09:38,533 --> 00:09:40,456 Busy, as it happens. 195 00:09:40,461 --> 00:09:41,461 This is Joan. 196 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,790 The reverend's niece. 197 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,456 Your niece. 198 00:09:45,466 --> 00:09:47,133 Apparently so. 199 00:09:48,133 --> 00:09:50,323 Joan, Alphy... it's a pleasure. 200 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:52,323 Pleasure's all mine, darling. 201 00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:53,523 Is the study free? 202 00:09:53,533 --> 00:09:56,190 Now is really not a good time. 203 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,623 I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't 204 00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:59,290 of vital clerical importance. 205 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,990 Can't you go to the bishop? 206 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,790 - No. - No. He cannot know about any of this. 207 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,333 I don't mean to be alarmist, but you've cremated the toa... 208 00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:10,800 Mr. Lane. 209 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:14,023 David, you know Miss Grey. 210 00:10:14,033 --> 00:10:15,490 The bishop's daughter. 211 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,423 Of course. 212 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,990 The bishop's daughter. 213 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,790 Well, this is, um... 214 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,500 This really is, um... 215 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,633 Isn't it just? 216 00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:33,523 Alphy, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, 217 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,033 but I really need your help. 218 00:10:42,666 --> 00:10:44,090 Do you mind? 219 00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:47,333 Who am I to get in the way of vital clerical importance? 220 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:55,156 How do you feel about burnt toast? 221 00:10:55,166 --> 00:10:57,156 Quite partial, as it happens. 222 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:59,223 Marvelous... shall we? 223 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:00,900 Can I take your coat, miss? 224 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,700 Probably best if you don't. 225 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,023 With regard to my niece... 226 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:11,256 David, we both know she's not your niece. 227 00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:13,990 The thing is, she's in a touch of bother. 228 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,990 The kind that requires sanctuary. 229 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,390 Technically, that only applies to the church. 230 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,656 Yes, we tried the church... it was locked. 231 00:11:20,666 --> 00:11:23,356 What are you seeking sanctuary from, exactly? 232 00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:24,361 Well, in... 233 00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:25,790 In a roundabout way, 234 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,756 it's all to do with King Herod. 235 00:11:27,766 --> 00:11:30,200 Alphy! Visitor! 236 00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:36,723 Is the vicar here? 237 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,856 - Which one? - David. 238 00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:39,933 He'll do, though! 239 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,223 - Hello, handsome. - Hello. 240 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:46,723 He said he'd be in the church, but it's locked. 241 00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:48,356 Another niece? 242 00:11:48,366 --> 00:11:49,523 Oh, no. 243 00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:51,200 I'm here 'cause of the murder. 244 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,723 How'd you find me? 245 00:11:55,733 --> 00:11:57,256 Bike... car. 246 00:11:57,266 --> 00:11:58,490 Who's he calling a bike? 247 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,390 We followed you, Kit. 248 00:12:01,933 --> 00:12:03,966 Think I'd better come in. 249 00:12:07,233 --> 00:12:08,800 I think you'd better. 250 00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:41,400 Is now a good time? 251 00:12:42,633 --> 00:12:46,566 Well, it depends on your definition of "good." 252 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:52,323 Daniel and I have had the most dreadful argument. 253 00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,156 I said he's been away far too long. 254 00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:57,390 He called me self-centered... me! 255 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,223 I'm not the one who thinks the world revolves around him. 256 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:01,090 I'm not the one who acts like no one else exists. 257 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:02,233 Leonard. 258 00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:10,200 Hello! 259 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,666 Well, this looks, um... 260 00:13:14,266 --> 00:13:16,456 Do you know, I'm not actually sure what this looks like. 261 00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:19,190 It's a copper, two vicars, two strippers. 262 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,323 You're strippers?! 263 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,566 I prefer "carnal artiste." 264 00:13:23,866 --> 00:13:26,056 I'm just here for the food. 265 00:13:26,066 --> 00:13:27,690 - Well, I should probably just go... - No. 266 00:13:27,700 --> 00:13:29,833 Stay, why don't you? 267 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,223 Yeah, stay, why don't you? 268 00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:35,300 This is nice. 269 00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:39,156 Hello, handsome. 270 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,656 Everyone who witnessed 271 00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:42,066 a murder today, hands up. 272 00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:46,890 Right, you lot, statements. 273 00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:48,400 Starting with you. 274 00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:01,900 Geordie. 275 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,356 I'm on a date. 276 00:14:04,366 --> 00:14:06,266 Correction... you were on a date. 277 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,523 You're not leaving, are you? 278 00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:11,090 I'm a librarian. 279 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,623 A librarian who is also 280 00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:14,633 a bishop's daughter. 281 00:14:16,233 --> 00:14:17,923 Not your usual dinner guests. 282 00:14:17,933 --> 00:14:20,590 It's not the girls that I object to. 283 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,623 It's that horrid little man. 284 00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:24,456 Reverend Lane. 285 00:14:24,466 --> 00:14:27,456 Yeah, well, I nearly punched him once, so... 286 00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,190 I don't usually advocate violence, but in his case... 287 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,290 Stay. 288 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,456 Please. 289 00:14:33,466 --> 00:14:35,233 There's crumble. 290 00:14:36,733 --> 00:14:38,556 I do love crumble. 291 00:14:38,566 --> 00:14:40,723 It will just be the two of us soon, I, I promise. 292 00:14:40,733 --> 00:14:42,623 Anyone hungry? 293 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,756 He's made my famous coq au vin. 294 00:14:44,766 --> 00:14:47,623 I'm rather partial to a coq au vin myself. 295 00:14:47,633 --> 00:14:49,623 Aren't we all, darling? 296 00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:51,190 Leonard, you get the plates. 297 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,890 Just the two of us, you say? 298 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:54,433 - Yeah, but... - Alphy?! 299 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:57,266 I'll be right back. 300 00:15:04,266 --> 00:15:05,466 Truth time, Reverend. 301 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,466 Which one? 302 00:15:09,966 --> 00:15:12,156 - You. - What were you doing at the strip club? 303 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:14,190 One might ask what you're doing cavorting with the bishop's daughter. 304 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,866 I don't think the two are morally equivalent, David. 305 00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:21,423 I minister to the girls. 306 00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:23,823 Stanley says you helped them with their artistry. 307 00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:26,056 Well, they needed direction. 308 00:15:26,066 --> 00:15:28,956 Before I stepped in, Kitty looked like she was 309 00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:30,756 hurling grenades at enemy lines. 310 00:15:30,766 --> 00:15:33,156 Come on, David, this isn't about artistry. 311 00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,523 Jesus befriended the destitute, 312 00:15:35,533 --> 00:15:39,390 the tax collectors, the prostitutes. 313 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,656 I am just following his fine example. 314 00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,323 Funny. 315 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,456 You didn't choose to hang about down the tax office. 316 00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,823 These girls are troubled. 317 00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:49,356 They're drunks... 318 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,356 They're also, I'm not sure if you've noticed, 319 00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:53,323 cavorting about in their birthday suits. 320 00:15:53,333 --> 00:15:56,590 It's all very tasteful. 321 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,590 They keep their harvest festivals firmly on. 322 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,056 Their what? 323 00:16:02,066 --> 00:16:03,356 Their drawers. 324 00:16:03,366 --> 00:16:05,823 I call them their harvest festivals 325 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:08,066 because "all is safely gathered in." 326 00:16:10,561 --> 00:16:11,561 The woman who died. 327 00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:12,956 Madam. 328 00:16:12,966 --> 00:16:15,233 - You saw what happened to her? - Yes. 329 00:16:16,866 --> 00:16:17,990 So what happened? 330 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,366 I have absolutely no idea. 331 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,290 Well, she just slumped. 332 00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,556 No one went near her. 333 00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:31,723 And nobody touched her. 334 00:16:31,728 --> 00:16:32,728 She just carked it. 335 00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,823 Right there in the back row. 336 00:16:34,833 --> 00:16:36,890 Sounds like a heart attack to me. 337 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,456 Or a brain aneurism. 338 00:16:38,466 --> 00:16:41,556 Well, either that or whatever stabbed her in the back of the neck. 339 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,623 Aneurism... aren't you clever? 340 00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:46,100 You're not his cup of tea, Kit. 341 00:16:47,233 --> 00:16:48,790 How can you tell? 342 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,390 I just can. 343 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,856 It's innate, I reckon. 344 00:16:51,866 --> 00:16:53,833 From birth. 345 00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:58,523 - So there was no sign of a weapon? - None. 346 00:16:58,533 --> 00:17:00,453 Like the hand of God took her. 347 00:17:00,463 --> 00:17:03,390 In novels, it's always an icicle. 348 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,456 The weapon just melts away... ingenious. 349 00:17:06,466 --> 00:17:08,056 Uh, so the Madam... 350 00:17:08,066 --> 00:17:09,123 Not the Madam. 351 00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:10,456 She's not a madam. 352 00:17:10,466 --> 00:17:11,690 We're not on the game. 353 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:13,790 Cover your ears. 354 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,556 She just called herself "Madam" because it sounded... 355 00:17:16,566 --> 00:17:18,590 Classy? 356 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,523 I suppose it adds a bit of je ne sais quoi. 357 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:21,900 Bien sûr. 358 00:17:23,466 --> 00:17:25,990 So she never forced you to go with the customers? 359 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,066 Give them a few... 360 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,923 You know, added extras? 361 00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:32,123 No. 362 00:17:32,133 --> 00:17:33,423 No. 363 00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,066 Not unless we wanted to, of course. 364 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,756 So Madam was well-liked. 365 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,590 Well, she wasn't a saint nor nothing, 366 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,956 but she wasn't all bad. 367 00:17:40,966 --> 00:17:42,356 She was horrible to you, Stanley. 368 00:17:42,366 --> 00:17:44,623 There's no need to be kind. 369 00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:46,556 She was a mean as a rattlesnake, she was. 370 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,023 I was quite fond of her. 371 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:49,956 The customers, on the other hand... 372 00:17:49,966 --> 00:17:51,690 Pigs, I imagine. 373 00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,590 - That's men for you. - Amen to that, darling. 374 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:55,133 Amen. 375 00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,300 Top-up, anyone? 376 00:18:02,366 --> 00:18:04,600 Stanley. 377 00:18:06,466 --> 00:18:09,556 So, you collect the entrance fee when the punters arrive? 378 00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,190 Well, V.I.Ps. get a green raffle ticket. 379 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,890 Everybody else gets a plain one. 380 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,090 And what does being a V.I.P. get you? 381 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,556 Free drinks, chat with the girls. 382 00:18:18,566 --> 00:18:20,623 Only way in and out is the stairs? 383 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,123 That's right. 384 00:18:22,133 --> 00:18:24,790 So everyone had to come past you. 385 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,756 - Do you have a guest list? - We're not the kind 386 00:18:26,766 --> 00:18:28,356 of establishment where people want to leave 387 00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:29,823 - their names. - Course not. 388 00:18:29,833 --> 00:18:31,823 That would be far too easy. 389 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:34,790 What about David? 390 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,423 How often's he in? 391 00:18:36,433 --> 00:18:37,466 Most nights. 392 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,123 And he and Madam? 393 00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:41,556 Oh, got on a treat. 394 00:18:41,566 --> 00:18:42,823 He's a convivial chap. 395 00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:45,500 Convivial? That's one word for it. 396 00:18:46,933 --> 00:18:50,156 I didn't get much schooling when I were a boy. 397 00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:52,923 He takes the time to sit with me. 398 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:54,166 Helps me read the paper. 399 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,323 Vicarage. 400 00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:03,823 Larry? Larry. 401 00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:05,166 Thank you, Stanley. 402 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,556 Madam could be cruel. 403 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:13,223 But she gave this lame old fool a job 404 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,233 when nobody else would, so... 405 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:20,956 What you got for me, Larry? 406 00:19:20,966 --> 00:19:23,190 Few complaints about the club. 407 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,523 Loud music. 408 00:19:24,533 --> 00:19:27,123 Drunks passed out on doorsteps. 409 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:30,856 But then there's this fella, Sneaky Pete. 410 00:19:30,866 --> 00:19:32,123 The rival club owner. 411 00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,623 Larry, there is no Sneaky Pete. 412 00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:37,556 No, there is... Peter White. 413 00:19:37,566 --> 00:19:39,790 Sneaky as they come, apparently. 414 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,623 Well, him and the Madam 415 00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:43,390 had a bit of argy-bargy recently. 416 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,790 And it's not "the Madam," it... oh, never mind. 417 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,090 What was the argument about? 418 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,690 What was the argument about? 419 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,890 Decency, apparently. 420 00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,956 Decency? 421 00:19:53,966 --> 00:19:56,056 Between two rival strip clubs? 422 00:19:56,066 --> 00:19:58,623 Sneaky Pete's been stealing. 423 00:19:58,633 --> 00:20:00,366 Stealing what? 424 00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,900 Girls. 425 00:20:10,066 --> 00:20:11,756 Just helping myself. 426 00:20:11,766 --> 00:20:14,333 Hope you don't mind. 427 00:20:17,566 --> 00:20:18,666 Kitty? 428 00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:26,200 What's this about Sneaky Pete? 429 00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:29,356 You were dancing for him, too. 430 00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:31,490 And Madam was not happy about it. 431 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:33,190 I dance in a lot of places. 432 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,456 There's no harm in that. 433 00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,690 Gives you motive. 434 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,156 You kill Madam to escape her evil clutches. 435 00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:40,223 With an icicle. 436 00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:41,533 That goes without saying. 437 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:44,123 I was behind the curtain the entire time. 438 00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,223 Good ten feet away. 439 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:47,790 You got a lot of admirers, Kitty? 440 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,890 - A few. - And the rest. 441 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:52,590 She's our little birthday cake, aren't you, Kit? 442 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,190 Everyone's had a piece. 443 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,990 Joan! 444 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,990 I don't mind... it's the truth. 445 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,390 - Any of those admirers there last night? - Well, yeah. 446 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,556 - Obviously. - The Reverend. 447 00:21:02,566 --> 00:21:03,956 He follows her around wherever she goes. 448 00:21:03,966 --> 00:21:05,790 He's her knight in shining armor. 449 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,323 Well, he's sweet, really. 450 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,156 I mean... 451 00:21:10,166 --> 00:21:11,523 A weirdo, but, 452 00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:13,790 you know, still sweet. 453 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,933 It's probably him what done it. 454 00:21:26,433 --> 00:21:29,200 Is that your car? 455 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,200 Come on. 456 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,023 You move one inch, I will... 457 00:21:36,033 --> 00:21:37,390 Punch my lights out? 458 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,623 You threatened me once before. 459 00:21:38,633 --> 00:21:41,390 Yeah? Well, this time, I mean it. 460 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,733 I'd listen to him, if I were you. 461 00:21:49,233 --> 00:21:51,066 I am a sinner. 462 00:21:53,566 --> 00:21:57,690 I have impure thoughts, 463 00:21:57,700 --> 00:22:01,200 ones I try very hard not to indulge. 464 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:05,823 Helping the girls, it, um... 465 00:22:06,733 --> 00:22:08,690 Stops those impure thoughts? 466 00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:10,490 I offer them financial aid. 467 00:22:10,500 --> 00:22:13,656 I help with, with their... 468 00:22:13,661 --> 00:22:14,661 Artistry? 469 00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:16,123 Absolutely. 470 00:22:16,133 --> 00:22:18,256 And you never partake of the wares? 471 00:22:18,266 --> 00:22:21,090 I swear on my mother's grave. 472 00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:22,800 Bollocks. 473 00:22:25,033 --> 00:22:27,190 And what about Kitty? 474 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,956 I am very fond of her. 475 00:22:28,966 --> 00:22:31,423 Fond enough to kill for her? 476 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,633 I am a man of God. 477 00:22:38,466 --> 00:22:40,156 What are you doing? 478 00:22:40,166 --> 00:22:42,590 I've known too many men of God. 479 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,290 - It's time we did this in a more formal setting. - Please, I... 480 00:22:45,300 --> 00:22:48,690 I have a reputation to uphold. 481 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,833 Says the fella running around with the strippers. 482 00:22:51,966 --> 00:22:55,223 My calling is all I have. 483 00:22:55,233 --> 00:22:56,266 Geordie. 484 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,700 Do we have to make this so public? 485 00:23:01,566 --> 00:23:03,700 He's the one making it public. 486 00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:08,200 Sex, sex, sex... this country is sex-mad. 487 00:23:09,533 --> 00:23:13,190 What does that do for the next generation, eh? 488 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:14,723 Hey, Larry. 489 00:23:14,733 --> 00:23:16,033 Send the Black Maria. 490 00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:22,440 Have you ever thought about becoming a secretary? 491 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:24,556 Or an usher at the theater? 492 00:23:24,566 --> 00:23:25,990 Or a seamstress? 493 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,356 Good money in dresses. 494 00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:28,600 More money out of them. 495 00:23:30,666 --> 00:23:32,856 You're worth so much more than this. 496 00:23:32,866 --> 00:23:34,090 Both of you. 497 00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:35,300 We know. 498 00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:41,290 So, there was no knife in sight? 499 00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,323 - No. - No one touched her? 500 00:23:43,333 --> 00:23:45,223 - Nope. - It's impossible. 501 00:23:45,233 --> 00:23:47,723 I keep coming back to the icicle. 502 00:23:47,733 --> 00:23:48,890 Me, too. 503 00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:51,756 I can't help thinking it does have something to do with King Herod. 504 00:23:51,766 --> 00:23:53,990 So you were on stage, Joan. 505 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,823 I was doing my dance of the five veils. 506 00:23:55,833 --> 00:23:57,390 Seven veils, isn't it? 507 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,823 I do it with five. 508 00:23:58,833 --> 00:24:00,423 The fellas lose interest otherwise. 509 00:24:00,433 --> 00:24:02,223 Well, fair enough. 510 00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:04,000 So... 511 00:24:05,766 --> 00:24:08,156 Madam is here, say. 512 00:24:08,166 --> 00:24:10,166 And I'm up here. 513 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:12,666 And where are you? 514 00:24:16,233 --> 00:24:18,690 Oh, I had a ciggie, if that's important. 515 00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:20,490 You know what we should do? 516 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,423 Do not say a reconstruction. 517 00:24:22,433 --> 00:24:25,090 All my theatrical training has been leading to this moment. 518 00:24:25,100 --> 00:24:26,890 What theatrical training? 519 00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:29,023 I did the Nativity... it was a triumph. 520 00:24:29,033 --> 00:24:31,800 It was very far from a triumph, Leonard. 521 00:24:33,433 --> 00:24:35,666 I was here. 522 00:24:37,133 --> 00:24:38,233 Stanley? 523 00:24:39,233 --> 00:24:41,790 Uh, my knees are giving me a bit of gyp, I'm afraid. 524 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,656 You take a seat, Stanley, dear boy. 525 00:24:43,666 --> 00:24:46,590 That's fine... I'll play you. 526 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,823 This is a complete waste of time. 527 00:24:47,833 --> 00:24:49,290 Well, how far's the Black Maria? 528 00:24:49,300 --> 00:24:50,823 It's 20 minutes. 529 00:24:50,833 --> 00:24:52,623 We need veils... and chairs. 530 00:24:52,633 --> 00:24:54,956 You fix the gins. 531 00:24:54,966 --> 00:24:56,990 I'll get the tea towels. 532 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,333 On a search for props. 533 00:25:10,233 --> 00:25:11,333 Uh... Ha! 534 00:25:13,966 --> 00:25:15,990 We can call the whole thing off, if you'd rather. 535 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,633 No, do what you like, Leonard. 536 00:25:20,566 --> 00:25:21,900 When did you know? 537 00:25:22,866 --> 00:25:23,900 Know what? 538 00:25:25,233 --> 00:25:26,333 That you... 539 00:25:27,566 --> 00:25:29,423 You know, uh... 540 00:25:29,433 --> 00:25:30,500 You liked the fellas. 541 00:25:33,133 --> 00:25:35,056 I think I've always known. 542 00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:37,466 Deep down. 543 00:25:38,633 --> 00:25:39,956 Ten years old? 544 00:25:39,966 --> 00:25:42,756 Certainly by then. 545 00:25:42,766 --> 00:25:43,966 And your parents. 546 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:47,166 Did they know? 547 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:51,023 My father, um... 548 00:25:51,033 --> 00:25:53,056 He always made it clear I was a disappointment, 549 00:25:53,066 --> 00:25:54,600 so... 550 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,890 Did you ever wear dresses? 551 00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:01,556 Dresses? 552 00:26:01,566 --> 00:26:04,800 I'm more of a sweater vest kind of a chap. 553 00:26:06,333 --> 00:26:07,600 Why on Earth do you ask that? 554 00:26:09,733 --> 00:26:12,623 I had a felon in today, 555 00:26:12,633 --> 00:26:15,300 dressed up like my mother on Christmas morning. 556 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,356 I couldn't get my head around it. 557 00:26:18,366 --> 00:26:19,833 That's all. 558 00:26:22,933 --> 00:26:24,766 We'll make this quick, I promise. 559 00:27:10,366 --> 00:27:12,456 - Tea towels. - Just as Salome danced. 560 00:27:12,466 --> 00:27:14,790 With a map of the Isle of Wight. 561 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:15,790 How do? 562 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,956 I'm Stanley. 563 00:27:17,966 --> 00:27:20,923 Bad knees... I'm getting into character. 564 00:27:20,933 --> 00:27:22,523 Come on. 565 00:27:22,533 --> 00:27:24,056 Has he been a bit tipsy recently? 566 00:27:24,066 --> 00:27:25,990 - When? - All the time. 567 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,290 No, he's fine, Mrs. C. 568 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:29,523 Tuppence! 569 00:27:29,533 --> 00:27:32,466 Tuppence to see the prettiest girls in town. 570 00:27:41,633 --> 00:27:43,623 Welcome to Tassell's, 571 00:27:43,633 --> 00:27:47,523 Cambridge's finest erotic establishment. 572 00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:50,133 I take out my wallet. 573 00:27:52,100 --> 00:27:54,933 Madam said to give me the V.I.P. treatment. 574 00:27:56,066 --> 00:27:57,390 Oh, sorry, my line. 575 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,200 Give him the V.I.P. treatment, Stanley. 576 00:28:02,366 --> 00:28:04,490 It just means free drinks. 577 00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:06,023 Raffle ticket. 578 00:28:06,033 --> 00:28:08,556 Free drinks. 579 00:28:08,566 --> 00:28:10,823 On the house, Your Reverence. 580 00:28:10,833 --> 00:28:13,656 And I went in. 581 00:28:13,666 --> 00:28:15,556 Have a wonderful evening! 582 00:28:15,566 --> 00:28:17,866 - Me knees! - Good Lord. 583 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:21,666 Kitty was dancing. 584 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,723 Oh, do you want me to... 585 00:28:24,733 --> 00:28:27,033 - No! - Not necessary. 586 00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:30,333 I take my seat. 587 00:28:31,566 --> 00:28:34,090 Say hello to Joan... hello, hello. 588 00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:37,390 Hello, David, looking ever so handsome this evening. 589 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:38,523 Thank you. 590 00:28:38,528 --> 00:28:41,423 Madam takes her place. 591 00:28:41,433 --> 00:28:44,823 How are you, darlings? 592 00:28:44,833 --> 00:28:47,756 I'm not even going to try it. 593 00:28:47,766 --> 00:28:49,066 And then me. 594 00:28:56,566 --> 00:28:58,390 Christ on a bike. 595 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,623 Now, the reason I keep mentioning King Herod is that 596 00:29:01,633 --> 00:29:03,590 when Salome danced for him, 597 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,123 he was enchanted by her, so much so, that he killed a man. 598 00:29:07,133 --> 00:29:08,990 St. John the Baptist. 599 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,456 Head on a platter. 600 00:29:10,466 --> 00:29:12,623 Could be a motive. 601 00:29:12,633 --> 00:29:13,890 I'm sure our killer read the Old Testament 602 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:15,156 before he left the house. 603 00:29:15,166 --> 00:29:16,566 New Testament. 604 00:29:19,133 --> 00:29:21,266 Cor! Get 'em off! 605 00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:24,956 Leonard told me to leer. 606 00:29:24,966 --> 00:29:26,456 I did tell her to leer. 607 00:29:26,466 --> 00:29:28,156 Where the hell's that Black Maria? 608 00:29:28,166 --> 00:29:30,090 Okay, so Joan's dancing. 609 00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:33,823 Madam's at the table counting the takings. 610 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:35,756 Stanley, where are you? 611 00:29:35,766 --> 00:29:38,100 Back upstairs at the door. 612 00:29:39,433 --> 00:29:41,266 I was still over here. 613 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:43,766 And then? 614 00:29:47,566 --> 00:29:50,256 I went, "Madam? Madam?" 615 00:29:50,266 --> 00:29:52,923 I went, "The old cow's carked it!" 616 00:29:52,933 --> 00:29:54,790 And that was that. 617 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:56,823 Everyone left? 618 00:29:56,833 --> 00:29:58,190 Everyone left. 619 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,823 After doing our due diligence, of course. 620 00:29:59,833 --> 00:30:01,566 You were first out the door, David. 621 00:30:02,866 --> 00:30:05,556 Joan came back in to get her clothes. 622 00:30:05,566 --> 00:30:07,356 Couldn't leave in just my smalls, could I? 623 00:30:07,366 --> 00:30:08,456 And that was that. 624 00:30:08,466 --> 00:30:10,423 We turned up on your doorstep. 625 00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:12,223 There's a big van outside. 626 00:30:12,233 --> 00:30:13,656 No, that didn't happen. 627 00:30:13,666 --> 00:30:15,156 No, in real life. 628 00:30:15,166 --> 00:30:16,723 I mean, there's a big van outside. 629 00:30:16,733 --> 00:30:19,090 Fun's over... everyone in the van. 630 00:30:19,100 --> 00:30:21,300 I'll find your coats, ladies. 631 00:30:28,161 --> 00:30:29,161 Slump forward again. 632 00:30:29,166 --> 00:30:30,756 Me? 633 00:30:30,766 --> 00:30:32,056 Yeah, just... 634 00:30:32,066 --> 00:30:34,500 Just sit up and then slump. 635 00:30:40,366 --> 00:30:42,333 Geordie, where was the wound? 636 00:30:45,466 --> 00:30:47,066 There. 637 00:30:49,166 --> 00:30:51,133 Have you got a pen? 638 00:30:52,166 --> 00:30:55,456 It's like playtime with the bloody kids. 639 00:30:55,466 --> 00:30:57,690 You are in a foul mood this evening. 640 00:30:57,700 --> 00:31:00,133 And you're wondering why? 641 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:05,623 Okay. 642 00:31:05,633 --> 00:31:06,933 Sit back. 643 00:31:09,333 --> 00:31:11,456 There were no tears through her clothing. 644 00:31:11,466 --> 00:31:16,000 So she had to have been stabbed... After she fell forward. 645 00:31:23,933 --> 00:31:25,800 Joan went back to get her clothes, you said. 646 00:31:27,300 --> 00:31:30,166 Uh, she was no more than ten seconds, why? 647 00:31:57,100 --> 00:31:58,756 Wait here. 648 00:32:04,966 --> 00:32:06,490 They're all in for questioning. 649 00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:09,523 Oh, have a seat here, Stanley. 650 00:32:09,533 --> 00:32:11,656 Take the weight off those poor old knees. 651 00:32:11,666 --> 00:32:12,866 Thank you, David. 652 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:16,266 Joan? Shall we? 653 00:32:18,333 --> 00:32:20,056 God will forgive you, my dear. 654 00:32:20,066 --> 00:32:21,700 Stuff your forgiveness, David. 655 00:32:22,833 --> 00:32:24,656 Kitty can't stand you, you know that? 656 00:32:24,666 --> 00:32:26,933 Can't stand to even look at you. 657 00:32:42,295 --> 00:32:43,295 Coat? 658 00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:44,966 Please. 659 00:33:05,533 --> 00:33:07,300 Where'd you get this from? 660 00:33:09,933 --> 00:33:11,966 I won big on the horses. 661 00:33:15,133 --> 00:33:17,190 It's the takings. 662 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,590 - Which you stole when? - When I went back to get my clothes. 663 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,290 After she'd collapsed. 664 00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:25,800 I thought she was dead. 665 00:33:31,700 --> 00:33:34,733 I thought, she can hardly miss the money now. 666 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,433 Can't take it with you, can you? 667 00:33:41,333 --> 00:33:42,600 But she opened her eyes. 668 00:33:52,533 --> 00:33:55,090 So she wasn't dead? 669 00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:57,290 Well, she wasn't and then she was. 670 00:33:57,300 --> 00:33:59,790 Once you'd got to her. 671 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,223 I understand, Joan. 672 00:34:02,233 --> 00:34:04,400 I understand how these clubs work. 673 00:34:05,733 --> 00:34:09,033 Tricked into it with the promise of fame and fortune. 674 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,066 Got me pegged as a little victim, haven't you? 675 00:34:14,233 --> 00:34:16,590 I knew exactly what I was getting into. 676 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,923 Dancing, it's means to an end for me. 677 00:34:19,933 --> 00:34:22,056 Nothing more. 678 00:34:22,066 --> 00:34:25,090 I have a husband. 679 00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:26,590 Little boy. 680 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,423 I work and I go home. 681 00:34:29,433 --> 00:34:31,823 I had no hard feelings against her, I just... 682 00:34:31,833 --> 00:34:33,923 Stabbed her in cold blood. 683 00:34:33,933 --> 00:34:36,333 I panicked. 684 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:40,233 And I'm sorry for it. 685 00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:43,400 I really am. 686 00:34:47,100 --> 00:34:48,856 Where will you go now? 687 00:34:48,866 --> 00:34:50,923 Ah, I'm not so sure. 688 00:34:50,933 --> 00:34:53,056 I'll find a new job. 689 00:34:53,066 --> 00:34:55,490 I got my reading good now, haven't I? 690 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:57,090 It's exemplary. 691 00:34:57,100 --> 00:34:59,000 You'll be grand. 692 00:35:01,166 --> 00:35:02,956 Do you think Madam's gone to hell? 693 00:35:02,966 --> 00:35:04,833 Oh, absolutely. 694 00:35:06,333 --> 00:35:08,956 I don't like to think of her burning for all eternity. 695 00:35:08,966 --> 00:35:13,490 Well, I, I see hell more as a, a den of iniquity. 696 00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:17,090 Seething with devils and temptresses. 697 00:35:17,100 --> 00:35:19,433 Much like Tassell's, then. 698 00:35:20,666 --> 00:35:22,333 Yeah, now you mention it, yeah. 699 00:35:23,933 --> 00:35:25,556 There you are, fellas. 700 00:35:25,566 --> 00:35:27,156 Oh, you're a diamond. 701 00:35:27,166 --> 00:35:28,890 Stanley likes sugar. 702 00:35:28,900 --> 00:35:30,223 Two sugars. 703 00:35:30,233 --> 00:35:31,490 I don't want to be no bother. 704 00:35:31,500 --> 00:35:33,656 It's not a bother at all, is it? 705 00:35:33,666 --> 00:35:35,400 It's what he's here for. 706 00:35:36,633 --> 00:35:38,400 I'll fetch some now. 707 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,356 You'll be absolutely grand, Stanley. 708 00:35:44,366 --> 00:35:46,566 Absolutely grand. 709 00:35:48,300 --> 00:35:50,590 Two sugars... I'm not a bloody tea boy. 710 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,723 - You what? - Oh, nothing. 711 00:35:52,733 --> 00:35:54,790 Postmortem's back on your desk, Boss. 712 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,166 Great... oh, couldn't get me a cup of tea, could you, Larry? 713 00:36:03,733 --> 00:36:05,256 Geordie Keating. 714 00:36:05,266 --> 00:36:07,390 I want to report a missing person. 715 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,190 My husband went to work hours ago and didn't come back. 716 00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:14,156 Oh, I'm sorry about that, Cathy. 717 00:36:14,166 --> 00:36:15,456 The kids in bed? 718 00:36:15,466 --> 00:36:17,990 Finally, thank God. 719 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:19,023 How's David? 720 00:36:19,033 --> 00:36:20,266 Fine. 721 00:36:21,233 --> 00:36:22,656 I wish you wouldn't be so grumpy with him. 722 00:36:22,666 --> 00:36:23,956 He was only larking about. 723 00:36:23,966 --> 00:36:25,956 I don't like him watching that nonsense. 724 00:36:25,966 --> 00:36:27,156 You watch it. 725 00:36:27,166 --> 00:36:28,590 It's not the point. 726 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:30,690 He's a shy little thing, our David. 727 00:36:30,700 --> 00:36:33,290 Barely get a word out of him most days. 728 00:36:33,300 --> 00:36:35,623 It was nice to see him having fun. 729 00:36:35,633 --> 00:36:38,900 We should be encouraging him, Geordie. 730 00:36:40,133 --> 00:36:41,400 You're not listening, are you? 731 00:36:44,866 --> 00:36:47,856 And in three, two, one... 732 00:36:47,861 --> 00:36:48,861 - Got to go, love. - I've got to go, love. 733 00:36:48,866 --> 00:36:50,666 I'm sorry. 734 00:36:52,666 --> 00:36:54,690 Come on, Leonard. 735 00:36:54,700 --> 00:36:55,790 Let's sit you down. 736 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:56,890 Everything's spinning. 737 00:36:56,900 --> 00:36:59,190 All that acting. 738 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,023 Takes it out of you. 739 00:37:01,033 --> 00:37:03,390 You are a wonderful friend, Alphy. 740 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,600 Aw, so are you. 741 00:37:10,233 --> 00:37:12,366 This man is a wonderful man. 742 00:37:22,866 --> 00:37:24,490 Just the two of us, then. 743 00:37:24,500 --> 00:37:25,933 Just the two of us. 744 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:29,723 Good Lord. 745 00:37:29,733 --> 00:37:32,266 I'm not sure even He can help you. 746 00:37:35,466 --> 00:37:36,756 Vicarage. 747 00:37:36,766 --> 00:37:38,156 Alphy. 748 00:37:38,166 --> 00:37:39,956 What now? 749 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:41,856 Try to sound a bit more enthusiastic. 750 00:37:41,866 --> 00:37:44,366 Joan stabbed Madam. 751 00:37:45,900 --> 00:37:48,623 But that's not what killed her. 752 00:37:48,633 --> 00:37:51,123 Pathologist says the stab wound was superficial. 753 00:37:51,133 --> 00:37:52,890 So what did kill her? 754 00:37:52,900 --> 00:37:55,323 Why did she slump to the table in the first place? 755 00:37:55,333 --> 00:37:57,056 Exactly. 756 00:37:57,066 --> 00:37:59,233 Going back to the club... you coming? 757 00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:03,633 Go. 758 00:38:04,766 --> 00:38:06,500 - You sure? - I'm sure. 759 00:38:08,166 --> 00:38:10,923 Will you still be here when I get back? 760 00:38:10,933 --> 00:38:13,790 Maybe. We'll see. 761 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,290 I have it on good authority 762 00:38:15,300 --> 00:38:17,666 that you're a wonderful man, so... 763 00:38:19,428 --> 00:38:20,428 No rush. 764 00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:22,300 You take your time. 765 00:38:23,266 --> 00:38:24,466 On my way. 766 00:38:39,700 --> 00:38:41,156 Joan didn't kill her. 767 00:38:41,166 --> 00:38:43,990 And if Joan didn't kill her, could be anyone. 768 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,766 Could be Sneaky Pete, for all we know. 769 00:38:48,533 --> 00:38:50,590 - You're not listening, are you? - No, I'm listening. 770 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,590 You're smitten. 771 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:56,623 Do you know, I think I might be, but that's not what I'm thinking about. 772 00:38:56,633 --> 00:38:58,456 Sure. 773 00:38:58,466 --> 00:39:01,019 What did Larry say? About the club? 774 00:39:01,029 --> 00:39:02,290 There'd been complaints. 775 00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:04,356 Yeah, loud music. 776 00:39:04,366 --> 00:39:06,256 Men passed out in doorways. 777 00:39:06,266 --> 00:39:09,166 Men passed out in doorways. 778 00:39:10,433 --> 00:39:11,690 Yeah, there was a fella sitting right here. 779 00:39:11,700 --> 00:39:13,156 He was passed out, too. 780 00:39:13,166 --> 00:39:15,856 What if that's the key to all of it? 781 00:39:15,866 --> 00:39:18,856 What, the drunk fella? 782 00:39:18,866 --> 00:39:21,200 What if he wasn't just drunk? 783 00:39:22,900 --> 00:39:25,366 What if there's more to this than just booze? 784 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,723 Alphy? It's laudanum. 785 00:39:52,733 --> 00:39:55,633 - You sure? - Yeah, pretty sure. 786 00:39:56,633 --> 00:39:59,100 Mix it with alcohol, gives off a musky smell. 787 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,833 Someone gave Madam laudanum. 788 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,200 Enough to kill her. 789 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:51,256 - Larry? - Boss. 790 00:40:51,266 --> 00:40:53,656 The drunk and incompetent cases from the club. 791 00:40:53,666 --> 00:40:55,433 On your desk. 792 00:40:58,766 --> 00:41:00,123 How many were there? 793 00:41:00,133 --> 00:41:01,923 Dozen or so. 794 00:41:01,933 --> 00:41:03,423 All passed out. 795 00:41:03,433 --> 00:41:05,266 All woke up missing their valuables. 796 00:41:12,766 --> 00:41:14,990 "I was in the club... next thing I remember, 797 00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:18,200 "I woke up in a doorway without my wallet. 798 00:41:19,566 --> 00:41:23,856 "I was offered V.I.P. treatment. 799 00:41:23,866 --> 00:41:26,056 Free drinks and whatnot." 800 00:41:26,066 --> 00:41:28,100 V.I.P. treatment. 801 00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:32,356 The green raffle tickets. It marks the men out. 802 00:41:32,366 --> 00:41:34,023 Those with a bit of cash on them 803 00:41:34,033 --> 00:41:35,923 get green tickets. 804 00:41:35,933 --> 00:41:38,923 Those are the punters who Madam gives the laudanum. 805 00:41:38,933 --> 00:41:43,300 They pass out, she robs them, turns them out on the street. 806 00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:53,200 The reverend was offered V.I.P. treatment. 807 00:41:54,933 --> 00:41:58,233 So why's he still compos mentis? 808 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,100 Because David was kind to him. 809 00:42:17,433 --> 00:42:18,700 Stan? 810 00:42:21,466 --> 00:42:22,600 Stanley. 811 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,300 Sorry. 812 00:42:26,466 --> 00:42:28,433 Sorry about that. 813 00:42:32,833 --> 00:42:35,900 Madam was meaner than a rattlesnake, Joan said. 814 00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,466 She wasn't very kind to you, was she? 815 00:42:45,433 --> 00:42:47,500 The reverend, on the other hand... 816 00:42:48,766 --> 00:42:50,690 He showed you some kindness. 817 00:42:50,700 --> 00:42:52,000 Helped you with your reading. 818 00:42:53,766 --> 00:42:55,156 I don't know what you're talking about. 819 00:42:55,166 --> 00:42:57,756 Ah, you do, Stanley. 820 00:42:57,766 --> 00:42:58,856 You know. 821 00:42:58,866 --> 00:43:01,433 David gave you the time of day. 822 00:43:02,900 --> 00:43:05,256 Which is more than most people do. 823 00:43:05,266 --> 00:43:07,766 Was that what pushed you over the edge? 824 00:43:10,033 --> 00:43:14,233 He was kind to you, and she wanted you to drug him? 825 00:43:16,933 --> 00:43:18,166 It didn't seem right. 826 00:43:19,666 --> 00:43:22,466 Rob a man who's only shown us kindness. 827 00:43:25,966 --> 00:43:28,723 V.I.P. treatment for the vicar, Stanley. 828 00:43:28,733 --> 00:43:29,823 Very kind. 829 00:43:29,833 --> 00:43:30,866 Thank you. 830 00:43:35,233 --> 00:43:36,600 Thank you. 831 00:43:38,766 --> 00:43:41,800 And thank you. 832 00:43:44,933 --> 00:43:46,990 She took advantage. 833 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,500 Of him, the girls. 834 00:43:50,566 --> 00:43:51,890 I had to stand and watch 835 00:43:51,900 --> 00:43:54,366 while she broke Joan and Kitty down. 836 00:43:56,466 --> 00:44:00,466 Degraded 'em. Used them. 837 00:44:01,566 --> 00:44:03,466 She used you, too. 838 00:44:05,866 --> 00:44:08,166 She made me feel I was worthless. 839 00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:12,166 Maybe I am. 840 00:44:13,833 --> 00:44:15,556 No. 841 00:44:15,566 --> 00:44:18,056 That's not true, Stanley. 842 00:44:18,066 --> 00:44:20,990 I was tired of it. 843 00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:22,033 Of her. 844 00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,533 Of tricking all those poor fellas. 845 00:44:28,433 --> 00:44:30,700 Didn't feel right. 846 00:44:32,266 --> 00:44:34,566 It didn't feel right in here. 847 00:44:37,100 --> 00:44:38,890 So you drugged her. 848 00:44:38,900 --> 00:44:41,966 A dose big enough to kill. 849 00:44:58,433 --> 00:44:59,866 You know the worst of it? 850 00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:03,566 I don't feel an ounce of remorse. 851 00:45:05,966 --> 00:45:09,433 - Promise me something, Inspector. - What's that? 852 00:45:10,700 --> 00:45:13,356 Don't bring the girls into this. 853 00:45:13,966 --> 00:45:16,566 They deserve a bit of happiness. 854 00:45:20,233 --> 00:45:23,300 Lord knows they never had it when she were alive. 855 00:45:25,133 --> 00:45:26,266 Stanley. 856 00:45:28,166 --> 00:45:30,533 Shall we? 857 00:45:33,966 --> 00:45:36,066 Steady as she goes. 858 00:45:38,900 --> 00:45:40,856 Thank you for your hospitality, Vicar. 859 00:45:40,866 --> 00:45:44,166 It was a pleasure, Stanley. 860 00:45:46,133 --> 00:45:47,666 God bless you. 861 00:46:17,700 --> 00:46:20,533 You must think me a terrible buffoon. 862 00:46:28,366 --> 00:46:31,933 I think you're as flawed and complicated as the rest of us. 863 00:46:34,300 --> 00:46:37,790 I knew Kitty could never fall for a man like me, 864 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,856 but I, I just allowed myself 865 00:46:40,866 --> 00:46:42,990 to indulge in the fantasy for a while. 866 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,000 I, I don't know why. 867 00:46:46,633 --> 00:46:48,623 Perhaps you're lonely. 868 00:46:48,833 --> 00:46:51,990 No, I, I have a very full life. 869 00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,023 With the church and, um... 870 00:46:56,033 --> 00:46:58,190 And... 871 00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,300 I, I never stop. 872 00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:05,000 It's the life we chose, I suppose. 873 00:47:07,766 --> 00:47:09,833 Or that chose us. 874 00:47:11,766 --> 00:47:13,823 Yeah. 875 00:47:13,833 --> 00:47:16,200 It chose us, didn't it? 876 00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:21,590 Rather lovely when you think about it like that. 877 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:36,723 Last one standing? 878 00:47:36,733 --> 00:47:38,633 Not quite. 879 00:47:49,666 --> 00:47:52,590 You didn't need to clean up. 880 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,190 Well, it was a pleasant distraction after the... 881 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,200 Lunacy of the evening? 882 00:47:58,333 --> 00:47:59,956 It was quite mad, wasn't it? 883 00:47:59,966 --> 00:48:01,923 I think that might be understating it. 884 00:48:01,933 --> 00:48:04,823 Learnt a few things, though... got some new 885 00:48:04,833 --> 00:48:06,923 dance moves under my belt. 886 00:48:06,933 --> 00:48:09,033 So educational, if nothing else. 887 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,000 Just the two of us, then. 888 00:48:18,366 --> 00:48:20,366 Just the two of us. 889 00:48:23,500 --> 00:48:25,290 That's my taxi. 890 00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:26,700 Of course it is. 891 00:48:28,500 --> 00:48:29,856 My mother always told me 892 00:48:29,866 --> 00:48:32,466 it's polite to leave after the arrests. 893 00:48:33,900 --> 00:48:35,133 Quite right. 894 00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:57,700 So... 895 00:48:58,833 --> 00:49:00,600 So... 896 00:49:04,933 --> 00:49:07,556 Well, we said we'd shake hands. 897 00:49:07,566 --> 00:49:10,823 So there isn't going to be a next time? 898 00:49:10,833 --> 00:49:13,090 I'd like there to be a next time. 899 00:49:13,100 --> 00:49:16,266 I'd like there to be a next time. 900 00:49:17,666 --> 00:49:20,490 Just not sure how I'm gonna top tonight. 901 00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:23,690 It's tricky. 902 00:49:23,700 --> 00:49:25,433 Cinema? 903 00:49:26,633 --> 00:49:28,100 Perfect. 904 00:49:30,333 --> 00:49:32,556 You might want to check on Leonard. 905 00:49:32,566 --> 00:49:35,190 He regaled me with a poem about cheese 906 00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,323 and then he was a little bit sick. 907 00:49:37,333 --> 00:49:39,166 Oh, dear. 908 00:49:44,433 --> 00:49:46,766 Night, then. 909 00:49:48,233 --> 00:49:50,500 Night. 910 00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,033 Meg. 911 00:50:08,866 --> 00:50:12,400 A poem about cheese? 912 00:50:14,133 --> 00:50:16,300 It was actually very poignant. 913 00:50:51,533 --> 00:50:54,000 I didn't make a fool of myself, did I? 914 00:50:58,966 --> 00:51:00,400 Not at all. 915 00:51:02,066 --> 00:51:03,723 I think I made up a poem for Meg. 916 00:51:03,733 --> 00:51:06,533 About cheese. 917 00:51:07,533 --> 00:51:09,023 Really? 918 00:51:09,033 --> 00:51:10,956 Hm, she didn't mention anything. 919 00:51:10,966 --> 00:51:13,400 And I was rude to Daniel. 920 00:51:14,666 --> 00:51:17,656 Do you think he'll ever forgive me? 921 00:51:17,666 --> 00:51:19,733 Of course he will. 922 00:51:21,133 --> 00:51:23,823 You really are a wonderful friend, Alphy. 923 00:51:23,833 --> 00:51:26,456 I'm sorry. 924 00:51:26,466 --> 00:51:29,823 I'm a terrible liability, aren't I? 925 00:51:29,833 --> 00:51:32,156 Get some sleep, Leonard. 926 00:51:32,166 --> 00:51:35,066 It'll all feel better in the morning. 927 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:15,000 *CREDITS*