Just a few more steps and...
Ta-da!
- It's an old motel. - An amazing one.
- And it is a steal. - I'm not surprised.
Real estate is all about vision, Portia,
and your little lady right here has so much.
- It's scary. - Emphasis on scary.
But with paint job, cosmetic landscaping,
and a snappy neon selfie wall...
Hello, Selfies.
- Trippy cow skulls... - Okay, okay.
That all sounds beautiful,
but why would anybody want to stay here
in the middle of nowhere?
Because...
one of the most infamous mass murders
happened at this very spot.
Hear me out.
The True Crime industry brings in millions a year
and people will travel around the world
just to break into a place like this.
So imagine how much they would pay to legit stay in one.
Little sickos like you.
Thousands.
Throw in an on-theme diner.
Serving a trapped market,
you can't get pizza or Chinese food delivered all the way out here.
You wanna eat, you gotta hunt.
Yeah, or I can spend that kind of money
on a beautiful winter home
in Palm Springs for us. With a pool.
Let me think on it.
Of course...
But I know that once you've done your usual market research,
and you see how famous this place is,
you'll agree we're looking at a True Crime gold mine.
Murder's where the money's at, girl.
So people would
pay to come and stay at a place where a massacre took place?
Big bucks. Oodles of it.
Guaranteed.
- No! Floyd! - Oh, my God!
Everything we own is in there! Everything!
What are we gonna do?!
- It was our only way out. - Where the hell's the car?
It's in the shop! We only got the SUV until Monday.
Are you kidding me?
You insisted that we come in in that goddamn hearse.
As part of the experience!
We weren't foreseeing somebody would murder a guest!
- Who are they gonna kill next? - We didn't kill anyone!
So let's go in the motel now!
Well, someone did. In there!
And I, for one, ain't dying today.
You wanna figure out what's going on?
Then what we need to do is to get inside now!
***
Let's get out of here.
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All I'm asking is for everybody to keep their heads about them.
Portia and I are handling this.
How do we know you didn't kill Hemmingway?
And burn the RV?
You strand us here
and then you pick us off one by one?
In what world would that make sense?
We are business women.
We have spent $700,000 renovating this place.
Not to mention what it cost to buy the motel.
So we're not going to piss away our life savings
and ruin our lives in the process.
Maybe not you.
But you, I'm not so sure.
Yeah, me neither.
Why me?
Oh, right. Let me guess, my makeup, how I dress...
No. Because you're obsessed with murders that happened here.
Yeah, girl, I'm a connoisseur of slaughter.
You're a wannabe.
It's all a little too much and make yourself at the center.
And none of you want to?
Really?
Every single one of you
wanted a piece of True Crime history.
And that is what we delivered.
Total access to the most famous murder site in history.
On our dime.
I can't believe how ungrateful you all are.
The bullying, the finger-pointing.
One of your guests was cooked to death on your watch.
- Exactly! - So thank you so much for the invite,
- but I want to check out. - Preach!
And if they're going, I'm going too.
- Yeah, me too. - Sounds like a good plan.
Okay, I just want to put this in people's heads.
I've hunted this state the last ten years...
and it's serious.
There's black bear all over.
And around here, you got grey wolf and mountain lion.
And this weather's no joke.
Five minutes out there and you'll be soaked to your skin.
Walk through the woods at night...
if the wildlife don't kill ya, hypothermia will.
You're a hunter.
Yeah, my whole life.
Normally, I would bow to you
letting your primal impulse loose,
- but given the circumstances... - Never boiled my prey to death.
But how are we supposed to know that?
Listen, fella. Where I come from,
you call someone a murderer, you better back it up.
Prove me wrong, big guy.
Okay, let's all just...
let's all just calm down.
Let's calm down. Okay?
Everybody go back to your rooms, lock your doors...
We'll bed down for the night and by the morning,
Portia and I will have a plan for how we can get help.
That sounds sensible.
I'm going to the kitchen.
Fix myself some food.
Yeah, help yourself to whatever you want.
Yeah, I'm also gonna help myself to a knife.
I suggest everybody else do the same thing.
I don't think arming everyone will make anybody safer.
Look. If I've learned one thing
from personal experience?
Crazy murderers like these, they never stop at just one.
What the hell?
I know!
You didn't stew that chef, did you?
It's not my handiwork
But someone beat us to him.
Good news is, they'll pin the RV on whoever killed that prick.
Nice work on your talk about the wilderness and the weather.
Yeah, well, you gotta explain it to these city-bred morons
that they can't just saunter 45 miles to safety.
One of those people killed the chef.
It's hard to believe that anyone from that pack
of spoiled pussies pulled it off.
Crow or...
Kawayan might be capable.
The wacky spiritual guy and the artists?
Though, I wouldn't put it past that freak Ruby who runs the place.
I don't know.
Portia seems too put together to be shacked up with a killer.
Someone did it. And the bigger question is why?
Kids have been dressing up as us for Halloween for years.
Maybe we have a copycat.
Or...
maybe we have a real Satanist in our midst.
You really think so?
Someone who understands the portents
behind the timing of all this,
and wants to complete the ritual for Baphomet.
- A ritual we started. - Yeah.
Whoever it is, we need to flush them out.
We cannot fail again.
The gateway must be opened to release Baphomet.
We should just go and kill them all, right now.
Patience. Patience, my love.
The blood must be spilled as we move along Saturn's orbital period,
marking its path, yeah?
Spill it all at once or too soon,
and the blood loses its magik.
It won't have the power to open the gate.
We don't have another 30 years to wait
for Saturn's return, so...
this must be perfect.
Okay.
We'll figure out who's trying to steal our thunder and then
- we'll make them pay with their life. - Yeah.
Slow...
Someone knows how to use a knife.
Someone had to.
Right, you already popped your mass murder cherry.
That's not a joke.
I never joke about serial killers.
Why don't we room together?
Why would we do that?
Safety in numbers?
Do you trust me?
I trust you.
I mean, it couldn't hurt, rooming with someone
who has already survived something like this.
I just... I figure I have a better chance of making it out alive
with you by my side.
It's a crime scene, so...
I guess we should lock up down here...
Right.
Do you think the murderer... like,
the original murderer has come back?
- To finish what he started? - Well, I don't know.
I mean, did we make this happen by re-opening the motel?
No.
I promise you.
Let's get this done fast, we'll go back to our room,
lock our doors, we'll cuddle our way to tomorrow. Okay?
Oh, God.
We can't just leave him like that.
We need to at least try and get him someplace cool.
Maybe the walk-in fridge?
I don't think I can.
We got this.
We can do anything together.
Okay. How are we gonna get him to the kitchen?
Guess we... pull him out of here.
Maybe put him on a yoga mat and carry him the rest of the way?
Sure.
Oh, God...
Oh, God.
- Oh, God! No, no! - Portia!
Andy.
Shouldn't you be in your room?
I mean, I guess you could say the same for me,
but I will not starve to death.
You okay?
I guess...
writing about True Crime isn't the same as being in it, right?
You think we're gonna make it?
I can't answer that. No one can.
I know this feels really far away
from your regular life,
but, Andy...
you were built for this.
It's in your ancestral bones.
You were the son of generations of survivors.
Yeah. Take a breath with me.
Yeah, that's it.
What I want you to do is I want you to breathe in
your ancestors who fought,
and who struggled, and who survived
to get us to this point.
Their genes made us the men we are today.
We're lucky to be here.
We're lucky to have survived to this point.
And honestly,
even in all this madness and challenge,
I'm glad I'm here with you right now.
Thanks.
You have... quite the gift.
How are you so calm?
Aren't you even a little afraid?
Of course,
but I'm deeply interested in things that we look away from.
That includes fear.
Helps in moments like this.
Whenever life gets scary,
I walk purposefully towards it.
I hope...
some of whatever you have is rubbing off on me, Crow.
This is probably the best sandwich I've ever had.
It's soy sauce. It turns mayo into super mayo.
Okay, yeah.
So now that you're feeling all full and happy
and appreciating my culinary secrets...
do you think you could tell me a little bit
about The Sigma Die Killer?
The murder you're part of now,
- it's not enough for you? - Okay...
Fine. Had to ask, but I get it.
Okay, so, why don't you ask me something?
Anything you want.
You really travel all over the world
just to bang these guys behind bars?
I do.
It's one of the perks of being a flight attendant.
I can bang a killer on every continent.
Like this one time,
I was on a layover in Berlin.
And I met up with this guy,
Roland Lucas.
He's a murderer who just got out, and this guy,
like the German cliché, which as far as I can tell
is 100 % accurate...
He was kinky.
He had me all chained up.
Wait? Like actual chains?
Oh, yeah, they're way better than ropes, there's no give.
So, he had me all chained up,
- arms in the air, totally exposed. - And...
you weren't like, scared or anything like that?
Oh, no. I was fucking terrified,
but you know what?
It turned me on.
- Yeah? - A lot.
Fear and sex
are not so far apart.
H-Hey...
thanks for that pep talk.
Hey, it's brave to be vulnerable.
And thank you for trusting me enough
to share what you're going through.
Do you wanna hang out?
I swiped a big bag of almonds
that I probably shouldn't eat alone.
I mean, it would pair really...
really well with this...
bottle of red.
Andy.
I'm gonna make a run for it into town.
I'm gonna get us some help.
In this storm? Doesn't sound like a good idea.
I think I can make it.
With the work I do, I've logged many hours in extreme weather.
Heat, cold... I'm used to suffering.
Okay, but, I mean, you heard that guy.
There's bears, there's mountain lions.
I can't just sit here and do nothing.
I will go crazy.
It says it's the most waterproof coat on the market.
Thank you.
Stay safe.
Who is that?
Can't see who it is exactly,
but one of our little lambs is getting away.
Like hell they are.
We need nine sacrifices to open that portal.
Can I kill this asshole?
And I'll do some reconnaissance of my own.
Be careful.
For all we know, this could be our killer.
I've never bagged me a killer before.
That's a big offering for Baphomet.
- That was... - Foul?
Sad?
I will get one of the others to help me tomorrow.
You're gonna be okay?
Just wanna sleep.
Sleep 'til this is all over and the police get here.
You should.
I took a Benzo.
Good.
I'm sorry for making you do that.
You didn't want to and I should've...
We should've never bought this place.
Portia.
Come on, this was our dream.
No!
No, this was your dream.
And I never should have bankrolled
your sick and perverted nightmare.
This is an awful moment,
but it is one tiny stumbling block.
Stumbling block?
His arm fell off like an overcooked joint of meat.
But that is what this place is all about, right?
- And you love it for it. - I love the story.
No, you love all of it!
Your grotesque obsession with murder
and the poor people who died here.
I think that you're happy that they died.
Of course I'm not.
And now you have some new victim to fangirl over.
It's just...
your obsessions, Ruby. They repulse me. You repulse me!
I'm sorry, okay, I shouldn't have said that.
It's not you, it's just... it's this place.
No.
You meant every last word.
And you don't get to try and smooth that over now!
You don't get to pretend that everything
we have been building is suddenly perverted
and disgusting!
I am so tired
of being your little fix-it project!
I'm so tired of never living up...
to your holier-than-thou standards!
So you can go screw yourself, Portia!
You know what?
Better yet, paint a target on your chest,
you let that murdering bastard try and find your heart.
And rip it straight out of you.
Stand still.
You run and that beast will run you down.
He'll be eating your liver before you get
back up to the top of this road.
You gotta stand your ground and scare it off.
Move on, you bastard!
Get out of here! Move on. Git!
Thank you.
Y-You can just keep that.
Jumpy bugger, aren't you?
What are you doing out here?
I'd ask the same about you.
I'm going to get us help.
You're gonna become a chew toy.
Which is why I told everyone else
to wait until at least sunrise.
I guess I forgot the part where I take orders from you.
So what's your real name?
Don't say Crow
because that is some made up Indian bullcaca.
I only got your first name.
Floyd Dantree.
- So what's yours? - You got an ID, Floyd Dantree?
I lost it in the RV fire.
That's convenient.
You suspect me of something?
I suspect everybody...
except Hemmingway.
So you and your wife, you just show up...
at some out of the way, hole in the wall motel
that you apparently don't know about?
And some mysterious fire destroys your RV?
Yeah, I suspect that a bunch and you would too,
so why don't you tell me what you're really doing here.
How about I show you?
Crow!
Crow! Where are you?
Guess I didn't have to worry.
Didn't know you'd have company.
Yeah, no. There's nothing to worry about.
Well, the wolf he just ran into says otherwise.
Mother Nature.
She can be one mean, dangerous bitch.
Okay, you saw one wolf?
There'll probably be others nearby. We should go.
No, no, no. I'm not gonna sit on my hands in that motel, Andy.
Look, can you talk some sense into him, Floyd?
That's what I came out here to do.
If he insists on this foolishness, I just,
well, can't let him go on this track alone.
I ain't that kind of guy.
I guess it can wait 'til morning.
Good man.
Sane man.
- What? You don't want it? - I do, I do. I just...
feels like we're moving a little bit too fast. Don't you think?
With like Hemmingway...
Hemmingway just reminds me that life is short.
You know that better than anyone, right?
And when you know what you want,
why should you wait for it?
And what I really,
really want...
I think I know what you want.
is to see your scars.
What?
You don't have to be embarrassed,
- you don't have to hide anything from me, Blake... - I'm not, I'm not. It's just, I...
Why do you want to see them?
Oh, my Gosh.
Now take this off.
- Okay... - Take this off.
Oh, my God.
You were sliced and diced...
X-Acto knife?
It's a poker... fireplace poker.
- Now, back to that other thing I want. - Yeah?
I got a feeling you want it too.
No way.
No, no, no. I...
I don't think so. Also...
I don't know if now's the right time...
for something like that.
There's a murderer out in the halls and...
Really?
Oh, Jesus...
Okay...
Look.
Locked.
Okay...
Locked.
- Okay... - Both locked.
You're safe.
Well...
safe as you want to be.
Okay...
Okay.
Yeah...
Who's my good boy?
Put that away.
But I like it...
No. Put it away, put it away.
- It's fine, what are you so afraid of? - No, no. Unlock the cuffs.
Calm down.
- Don't worry about it, you're safe. - No, no, unlock the cuffs.
Unlock the cuffs. Unlock the fucking cuffs!
Jesus...
God!
Thought this was an art installation,
not a performance art piece.
This? This is all shit.
I thought it looked pretty damn good.
Soda?
Cheers.
Isn't this just part of that artistic process we all hear about?
You try to make something great ***
No.
I've spent my entire career translating these horrors
into visual, visceral media,
but all this time, I've been nothing but a hack.
Come on, why are you saying that?
Seeing actual murder, up close and personal?
What I was doing was just play acting.
You're being too hard on yourself.
No way. You saw Hemmingway,
you saw his body.
That's what murder is. That was the real deal.
Everything I do, it's just a photocopy.
Maybe you need to try your hand at murder.
What I'm saying is...
if you need to invest yourself in your art,
that might be your only option.
Or you can just try changing your oeuvre
to something less... bloody.
Do you think you can do that? Kill someone?
In the heat of the moment? Sure.
We all have a killer hiding within us.
Jesus. You gave me a heart attack.
Could've been a lot worse.
You should be in your room, doors locked.
Yeah, look who's talking.
Crow here thought he could walk 12 plus hours to get help.
Full-on savior complex, this guy.
- I'm going to bed. - Yeah, me too. I'm beat.
And Shirl's probably worried. Good night.
And sleep with the angels.
I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him.
- Who? That good ol' boy? - And his machete.
We're all carrying weapons.
I get that.
I'm a real good reader of people, Andy, and that guy?
With his glaring eyes and his tough guy stance.
That guy's a killer. Trust me.
I'll admit he gives off weird vibes.
But he could've killed us both out there if he wanted,
returned to the motel, no one the wiser.
He's biding his time until he can pull off
something Hemmingway level awful.
And you know what that means?
The rest of us, we have to stay on guard.
We have to stick together.
Floyd?
What are you doing out there?
And in your outdoor things?
Hope you wiped off all that mud.
Because if you damage any of the wood,
you'll be charged for it.
Her soul must be dispatched to hell.
Not in the middle of the goddamn hallway, Floyd.
I swear,
left to your own devices...
Portia, sweetheart...
can we talk?
You're not the only one that said things she shouldn't have.
I'm sorry for all of it.
Portia?
Love?
Yeah.
Stupid! Stupid!
Idiot!
You did not treat viper venom in yak meat,
slay dragons to back off to that motherfu...
I cannot stay here!
I cannot stay here cooped up!
Tell me that wasn't amazing.
Tell me that wasn't the hottest,
craziest sex you've ever had in your entire life.
That was... something.
That was everything.
Hey, can you do the other... the other hand?
Yeah, I guess, since you've been such a good boy.
- Thank you. - And...
You're free. So here's a question
that's definitely on my mind,
who do think's gonna bite the bullet next?
Really rather not think about that.
Well, you should,
because if we don't figure out who the killer is,
he or she, will strike again.
And we want to make sure we're out of here or safe
before they call our number.
So? Who do you think it's gonna be?
- I don't know. - Oh, I got another question.
Who do you want it to be?
No one?
Look, I know, after everything you've been through
that life is precious and all that,
but come on, you're human.
There's gotta be someone who you wish
meets the chewing end of a chainsaw.
You could totally kill someone here and get away with it.
I mean, you could just do it and then blame the psycho murderer, right?
So? Who would that be?
Okay, so for me...
- I think it would be Prissy Paige. - Yeah?
I did kind of like the first Doomed Service,
and she was okay in it.
But if I'm honest? Each sequel was worse than the last,
and that was because of how grating she was.
Always running and crying and being all self-righteous.
I mean, it's boring.
And her sex scenes, my God!
She screws like someone who's never seen a dick.
Yeah.
Yeah, we kill her...
and then once we're out of here, safe and sound...
we translate all the fame and fortune
into another book for you,
and an acting career for me.
I could play Caitlyn in the next Doomed Service.
Or actually, no, I should just play myself.
I'm more badass, definitely sexier.
People would eat me up.
What do you think? Wanna be famous?
That was messed up.
Come on,
- I'm just playing what if. - Yeah, about murdering
an innocent woman who hasn't done a thing to you.
Okay, it doesn't have to be her.
We could save her for last.
Yeah, Paige's death would have to be poetic.
A has-been actor, how do we kill them?
Replace a prop knife with a real knife.
Oh, no, I know!
I know, Blake! We cram all her bad reviews
down her throat!
What? Blake, I'm joking! Jesus.
Are you?
Yes!
Aw, Blake. Jesus.
I'm not a monster, I'm misunderstood.
That was fun.
Pussy.
Do we even need that?
I mean, I can just set us up on a texting system instead.
It's the actual bell they had here the night of the murders.
You didn't tell me that.
No... because you'd get all freaked out.
I want you to be happy and enjoy what we're doing.
Because what we're doing, babe?
Starting the next chapter of our lives together.
I would just enjoy the weekend so much more
if our closest neighbors weren't hours away.
All the best horror takes place in isolation.
Evil Dead, Cabin In The Woods...
The Shining.
Wow, the Portia I met and fell in love with
would've thought the shining was just some kind of yoga retreat.
Trust me,
this is good.
I trust you with my life.
Our guests are here.
Portia, do you hear that?
Portia?
It's been raining like cats and dogs.
There must be a leak somewhere.
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