1
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"Will & Grace" is recorded

2
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in front of a live studio audience.

3
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- Excuse me, do you think...
- 45 "min-oohs."

4
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- Minutes?
- "Yus."

5
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It's gonna be a while.

6
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What are we doing?

7
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Christmas used to be so magical and fun,

8
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and... and now we're just
getting attitude

9
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from "No Table for Old Men."

10
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- Let's go home.
- No. Will, no.

11
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If we don't maintain
our Christmas Eve tradition,

12
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,540
then we'll be forced to spend
more time with our family,

13
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and that's just not
what Christmas is about.

14
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Sorry we're late.

15
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Jackie and I were doing
our gift exchange.

16
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I got a faux fur!

17
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Great coat. Uh, two... two things:

18
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A, uh, it's 65 degrees out,

19
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and B, you don't look foolish
at all as the white Shaft.

20
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- Can you dig it?
- Mm-hmm.

21
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It'll get colder.

22
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It's gonna snow tonight.

23
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Karen promised me a Christmas miracle,

24
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and rich people don't lie.

25
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I think we have very
different interpretations

26
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of the word "snow."

27
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Ah...

28
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A quick "oop-date,"
your table will be ready

29
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in 51 "min-oohs."

30
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That's more "min-oohs" than before.

31
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That's "race-oost."

32
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Okay. I'm not doing it.

33
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Ugh, no, Will, it is Christmas.

34
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I am done with Christmas.

35
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And who feels like celebrating, anyway?

36
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All the crap going on nowadays.

37
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I don't understand you, Will.

38
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This is the one time a year

39
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fat people are supposed to be jolly.

40
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It's not going to snow,

41
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there's no such thing as miracles,

42
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Christmas is for spoiled rich kids,

43
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and... and... and Santa's
just another old white perv

44
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we once trusted.

45
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

46
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Oh! Thank God you're open.

47
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Hi. Can I use your bathroom?

48
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Hi, I'm Pete.

49
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Welcome to the Immigrant
Historical Society.

50
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Can I interest you in a tour?

51
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She just needs to tinkle, Hodor!

52
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Uh, the bathroom's for customers only.

53
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Okay, I'll buy this book,
so that she can pee.

54
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Not the first time
I've said that sentence.

55
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Okay, so he's buying a book,
we're customers,

56
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so your bathroom is...

57
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Only for customers that take the tour.

58
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I really should've clarified.

59
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Oh, come on!

60
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Fine, we'll take the tour.

61
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The night's ruined anyway.
Couldn't get much worse.

62
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That's the spirit.

63
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It's up there.

64
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I'm just gonna say it.

65
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I love museums!

66
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Jackie, this is the Immigrant
Historical Society.

67
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It's just gonna be poor people's bodies

68
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mounted and stuffed with newspaper.

69
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Look at these pictures of old New York.

70
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Can you imagine how great
Christmas was back then?

71
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You know, horse-drawn carriage rides

72
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and carols sung by candlelight.

73
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You'd walk down the street and
say, "Merry Christmas, sir,"

74
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and he'd say, "Same to you.

75
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I like the shape of your mustache."

76
00:03:06,115 --> 00:03:08,721
And I'd say, "I like yours too."

77
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Wow, you didn't even have
gay game 100 years ago.

78
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I feel so much better.

79
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I am never gonna complain
about anything ever again.

80
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Ready to take that tour?

81
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Ugh, really? We're still gonna do this?

82
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We're about to enter

83
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the fully preserved tenement
of an Irish immigrant,

84
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the widow, Karolyn O'Sullivan.

85
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Welcome to Christmas 1912.

86
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- Where is she?
- I think she's still asleep.

87
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- I'm so hungry.
- Where's Ma?

88
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It's Christmas morning,
and she's not out of bed yet.

89
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I think she was drinking again
last night.

90
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I had the nicest dream.

91
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I was rich, and none of you were here.

92
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Merry Christmas, Mother.

93
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All right, me children,

94
00:04:00,719 --> 00:04:02,619
it's time for your Christmas presents.

95
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Gather close.

96
00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:04,939
If we were any closer,

97
00:04:04,964 --> 00:04:06,224
we'd be our own aunts and uncles.

98
00:04:06,399 --> 00:04:08,679
No one likes a funny girl, Mary!

99
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Now, do you want your
Christmas onion or not?

100
00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:14,859
Then hold baby.

101
00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:16,779
Why doesn't baby have a name, Ma?

102
00:04:16,804 --> 00:04:20,144
You know she'll get a name
if she survives the winter.

103
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,621
Don't want to get too attached.

104
00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:26,579
All right, children,
onions for all of ya.

105
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Pour me a drink, Smitty.

106
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One of you run downstairs
and give an onion

107
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to old man Flannery.

108
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Old man Flannery's gone.

109
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He was beaten to death with
a pipe by an anti-Irish mob.

110
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They found his rotted body
in the East River.

111
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Ah, Smitty...

112
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Ya always know just what to say

113
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to cheer your mother up.

114
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Oh, me stars.

115
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If that's the landlord come
for the rent, we're done for.

116
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Under the staircase you go.

117
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Oh, if he sees ya,

118
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he'll... he'll take you
to work in his sweatshop.

119
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Top of the Christmas mornin' to ya.

120
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,499
William Howard Taft, you are fabulous.

121
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Why, thank you, kind sir, but who are ya,

122
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and why are ya knocking on me door?

123
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The name's John Patrick, and I'm a sailor

124
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looking for a bed to rent between boats.

125
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Oh...

126
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You want to rent from me?

127
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- It's a Christmas miracle!
- I don't have any money...

128
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Never mind.

129
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But one thing I can offer
is that no matter how bleak

130
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and depressing life may be,

131
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I'm always happy and gay.

132
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You do seem... surprisingly gay.

133
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I can't help it.

134
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Everything about this city makes me gay,

135
00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:08,435
especially all the beautiful
girls I have intercourse with.

136
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It's settled, then. You're staying.

137
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Open the door.

138
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It's your landlord, Mr. Van Billioms.

139
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As in Billam Van Billioms?

140
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He's one of the richest men in New York.

141
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And one of the cruelest.

142
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His heart is black as coal,

143
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and no one knows why.

144
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Oh. I've spilled on your coat.

145
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Take it off, and I'll wash it for ya.

146
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Mrs. O'Sullivan...

147
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You are late with the rent.

148
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You forced me to leave
my wife on Christmas

149
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to travel to this filthy
godforsaken neighborhood

150
00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:49,579
full of lazy scum,

151
00:06:49,679 --> 00:06:52,219
and that has put me in a very bad mood,

152
00:06:52,319 --> 00:06:54,739
a mood that has soured my day,

153
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,919
a mood that has... oh, hello.

154
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:01,819
I didn't see you there. Hi.

155
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What, are you... are...
are you Mr. O'Sullivan?

156
00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:06,699
No, sir. He's me new boarder.

157
00:07:06,799 --> 00:07:08,619
John Patrick McGee.

158
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,659
Ay, where are me manners?
Let me put my coat back on.

159
00:07:10,759 --> 00:07:12,721
No, no, no, no, no,
leave... leave it off.

160
00:07:12,821 --> 00:07:14,528
No need for modesty.

161
00:07:14,628 --> 00:07:17,059
It's not the first time
I've seen a man's naked arms.

162
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I've... I've seen that
the usual amount of times.

163
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Seven.

164
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And it is... it is hot as Hades in here.

165
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I'm... I... I almost feel like
taking off my own coat,

166
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not that I would.

167
00:07:28,919 --> 00:07:30,659
I never would.

168
00:07:30,759 --> 00:07:31,880
It's a preposterous suggestion!

169
00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:33,759
I won't have you make it!

170
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You will have my money by sundown,

171
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or I'll see you out in the streets.

172
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Fanny!

173
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,101
Fanny?

174
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,699
Fanny! Where is my confounded wife?

175
00:07:51,799 --> 00:07:53,799
I'm right here.

176
00:07:55,799 --> 00:07:57,739
Why ya hocking me?

177
00:07:57,914 --> 00:07:59,214
Oh, my God, where you been?

178
00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:00,659
I've been looking all over for you.

179
00:08:00,759 --> 00:08:03,139
I was downstairs,
ringing the Christmas goose.

180
00:08:03,239 --> 00:08:05,239
Don't you think you should
do that in private?

181
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,134
It's a smart joke.

182
00:08:08,159 --> 00:08:10,679
You didn't get it.
Other people would get it.

183
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,919
No one likes a funny girl, Fanny.

184
00:08:15,479 --> 00:08:17,139
What the devil are you eating?

185
00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:19,779
Oh. It's these new cookies they invented.

186
00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:21,659
They're two chocolate biscuits

187
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:23,259
with cream on the inside.

188
00:08:23,359 --> 00:08:25,799
They're called "Oh-ray-ohs."

189
00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,654
Billam, oh, my God,

190
00:08:30,679 --> 00:08:33,021
"Oh-ray-ohs" are so good.
Here, here, you gotta try one.

191
00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,539
Absolutely not.

192
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,139
I just fit into this weskit.

193
00:08:36,239 --> 00:08:37,659
It would take 20 minutes
on the mechanical horse

194
00:08:37,759 --> 00:08:39,759
to work off even one "Oh-ray-oh."

195
00:08:41,514 --> 00:08:43,294
Fanny, why do we have a harp now?

196
00:08:43,319 --> 00:08:44,939
You don't even play.

197
00:08:45,039 --> 00:08:47,886
It's nice. It's very heaven-y.

198
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,094
I mean, come on, look around.

199
00:08:50,119 --> 00:08:52,179
Have I ever been wrong about decorating?

200
00:08:52,279 --> 00:08:55,299
In fact, I had an epiphany this morning.

201
00:08:55,399 --> 00:08:57,499
What if I started a new business,

202
00:08:57,599 --> 00:09:01,339
where I decorate the interiors
of other people's homes?

203
00:09:01,439 --> 00:09:03,099
I would call myself

204
00:09:03,199 --> 00:09:07,822
an inside-of-homes decorator.

205
00:09:08,639 --> 00:09:10,619
My wife, starting a business...

206
00:09:10,719 --> 00:09:12,419
- Mm-hmm.
- Never.

207
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,859
People would say, "Billam used
to be the man of the house.

208
00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:17,199
Now his Fanny runs it."

209
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,099
You've got to get such foolish
ideas out of your head, Fanny.

210
00:09:23,199 --> 00:09:25,819
A woman's place is to support her man,

211
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:28,499
- keep his home...
- Share his bed?

212
00:09:28,927 --> 00:09:31,779
Not necessarily.
Every relationship's different.

213
00:09:31,879 --> 00:09:33,299
Well, I don't have time for this.

214
00:09:33,399 --> 00:09:35,019
I've got a family to evict.

215
00:09:35,119 --> 00:09:37,339
Oh, Billam, no, you can't.
It's Christmas...

216
00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:39,339
and Hanukkah.

217
00:09:39,439 --> 00:09:40,939
Fanny, you converted.

218
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,939
Please stop mentioning Hanukkah.

219
00:09:43,039 --> 00:09:44,459
Hanukkah.

220
00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:45,819
Hanukkah.

221
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,379
Like... "Happy holidays."

222
00:09:47,479 --> 00:09:49,179
Enough!

223
00:09:49,279 --> 00:09:51,539
My tenant broke her contract.

224
00:09:51,639 --> 00:09:55,219
Though I can't help feeling
for her strapping boarder,

225
00:09:55,319 --> 00:09:58,019
no bed to call his own,

226
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:00,019
out in the cold,

227
00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:02,839
holding himself for warmth...

228
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,259
With those toned and...

229
00:10:08,758 --> 00:10:10,510
tattooed arms.

230
00:10:11,399 --> 00:10:14,319
Stop polishing your stick.
You've already rung your goose.

231
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,599
Right. I'm off.

232
00:10:36,999 --> 00:10:38,659
Whoa!

233
00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:46,419
Well, angels,

234
00:10:46,838 --> 00:10:49,559
even after selling Smitty's wooden leg...

235
00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:55,099
We're still $10 short of making rent.

236
00:10:55,199 --> 00:10:56,579
Oh!

237
00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:57,899
Someone's coming up the stairs.

238
00:10:57,999 --> 00:11:00,479
Quick, quick, go hide.

239
00:11:04,239 --> 00:11:06,239
Hurry, they're coming!

240
00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:09,459
Who loves women, survived scurvy,

241
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:11,559
and has big news?

242
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,699
'Tis I!

243
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:16,419
I've discovered something
incredible down at the docks.

244
00:11:16,519 --> 00:11:18,779
- He found money. We're saved!
- Now, it's not money.

245
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,779
Never mind.

246
00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:23,414
Without money, I'll have to give my body

247
00:11:23,439 --> 00:11:25,699
to that awful landlord, Billam.

248
00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:28,299
Trust me, he wouldn't enjoy it.

249
00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:29,968
And why not?

250
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:31,802
I may have delivered nine children,

251
00:11:31,827 --> 00:11:33,879
but most of the heads were tiny.

252
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:38,489
No, Karolyn, he wouldn't
enjoy it with any women.

253
00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:39,979
That's what I discovered.

254
00:11:40,079 --> 00:11:42,719
He's a sweeper of chimneys...

255
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,719
A snake charmer.

256
00:11:50,513 --> 00:11:52,913
He only travels by tunnel.

257
00:11:56,313 --> 00:11:58,413
What are you saying to me?

258
00:11:58,513 --> 00:12:00,633
He's a mustache bumper.

259
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,193
He rubs the silverware without a cloth.

260
00:12:07,953 --> 00:12:10,753
He plays the flute of the damned.

261
00:12:12,513 --> 00:12:14,013
He's a homo.

262
00:12:20,595 --> 00:12:22,055
Billam, wait.

263
00:12:22,155 --> 00:12:23,815
I cannot let you put these poor people

264
00:12:23,915 --> 00:12:25,255
out on the street on Christmas.

265
00:12:25,355 --> 00:12:26,695
It's not fair.

266
00:12:26,795 --> 00:12:29,215
The gentleman
I acquired this property from

267
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,655
says the poor have
only themselves to blame,

268
00:12:31,755 --> 00:12:33,775
and I have yet to disagree
with anything out of the mouth

269
00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:36,175
of Mr. Frederick Trump.

270
00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:38,375
Extra! Extra!

271
00:12:38,475 --> 00:12:40,215
Oh, newsboy, I'll take a paper.

272
00:12:40,315 --> 00:12:43,555
Well, well, well...

273
00:12:47,675 --> 00:12:49,415
Billam Van Billioms.

274
00:12:49,515 --> 00:12:51,575
Hello, Charlie. Never mind.

275
00:12:51,675 --> 00:12:54,215
Oh, you know this very old paperboy?

276
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,995
Only as the occasional buyer
of his newspapers.

277
00:12:58,435 --> 00:13:00,295
So you're all alone on Christmas?

278
00:13:00,395 --> 00:13:01,935
Sadly, yes.

279
00:13:02,035 --> 00:13:05,095
It'll just be me and my
newspaper sales associate,

280
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:06,686
Benji.

281
00:13:08,675 --> 00:13:10,675
Ta-ta.

282
00:13:12,235 --> 00:13:15,175
Maybe I should hire
a newspaper sales associate.

283
00:13:15,275 --> 00:13:17,175
But you're in the real estate business.

284
00:13:17,275 --> 00:13:18,775
They're related. It's hard to explain.

285
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,375
This is why women shouldn't work.

286
00:13:22,715 --> 00:13:24,935
Oh, what am I to do, John Patrick?

287
00:13:25,035 --> 00:13:26,415
I've got no money,

288
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:28,895
and my body's useless to Billam.

289
00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:30,975
But mine isn't.

290
00:13:31,075 --> 00:13:33,135
I saw the way he was looking at me.

291
00:13:33,235 --> 00:13:36,355
His eyes were removing my outer
clothes and my underthings...

292
00:13:37,675 --> 00:13:40,795
And doing swirlies
all around me front bits.

293
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,695
He did all of that with his eyes?

294
00:13:43,795 --> 00:13:44,754
And more.

295
00:13:44,854 --> 00:13:47,955
He licked one finger
and tended my rear garden...

296
00:13:50,315 --> 00:13:51,773
With his eyes.

297
00:13:53,675 --> 00:13:55,575
But to lay with another man?

298
00:13:55,675 --> 00:13:58,015
Oh, it don't mean
the same thing for a sailor.

299
00:13:58,115 --> 00:13:59,535
When you spend your life
at sea without women,

300
00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:01,055
you learn to drop your line

301
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,200
over the other side of the railing.

302
00:14:05,066 --> 00:14:08,055
- So you've...
- I've had sex with men, yes!

303
00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:09,832
But only on boats!

304
00:14:11,155 --> 00:14:13,295
And it didn't make me feel gay,

305
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,495
just a wee bit queer.

306
00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:15,895
Hmm.

307
00:14:17,195 --> 00:14:18,695
It's him.

308
00:14:23,595 --> 00:14:25,775
I've come for the rent, Mrs. O'Sullivan.

309
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:27,815
Oh, I love this place.

310
00:14:27,915 --> 00:14:30,895
It's shabby, but it could be very chic.

311
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,955
I'd call it chic-y shab.

312
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:40,780
This is my wife.
She came along for some reason.

313
00:14:41,355 --> 00:14:43,975
You brought your wife?
He brought his wife.

314
00:14:44,075 --> 00:14:45,335
How is this going to work
with her standing...

315
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,360
I'm working on it!

316
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,015
Nice to see you again. Mr. McGee, is it?

317
00:14:51,115 --> 00:14:52,615
First name, John, I want to say.

318
00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:54,135
Middle name, Patrick, or something.

319
00:14:54,235 --> 00:14:55,375
I'm not good with names.

320
00:14:58,475 --> 00:15:00,215
Is that a baby in there?

321
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:03,335
Billam, have mercy on this woman.

322
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:05,575
Her children are living in the closet.

323
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,720
What's wrong with living in the closet?

324
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,455
Closets can be nice, I...

325
00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:11,970
not that I know
a whole lot about closets.

326
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,095
Why are we still talking about them?

327
00:15:13,195 --> 00:15:14,855
Enough of closets!

328
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,895
Mrs. O'Sullivan, I'll have my money

329
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,920
or see you evicted.

330
00:15:20,115 --> 00:15:21,655
Before you evict me,

331
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:24,295
I'll see me honor defended.

332
00:15:24,395 --> 00:15:26,895
What? How have I insulted your honor?

333
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,780
Why, you've stomped your foot

334
00:15:29,955 --> 00:15:31,815
on an Irish woman's floor.

335
00:15:31,915 --> 00:15:34,295
That's one of the worst things
you can do in this culture,

336
00:15:34,395 --> 00:15:36,419
isn't it, John Patrick?

337
00:15:37,211 --> 00:15:39,015
I'd be less offended
if you dropped your drawers

338
00:15:39,115 --> 00:15:41,515
and did your dirty business on me boot.

339
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:47,530
You'll have to settle it
out in the hall, like men.

340
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,175
Oh, this is ridiculous.

341
00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:50,175
I am absolutely not gonna...

342
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,340
out in the hall it is.

343
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:53,515
Let's settle it out in the hall.

344
00:15:58,155 --> 00:16:00,109
It's nice you have children.

345
00:16:00,715 --> 00:16:01,855
We tried.

346
00:16:01,955 --> 00:16:04,570
Well, I tried, but, you know,

347
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:06,616
men and their headaches...

348
00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:11,395
Maybe it's what you're wearing.

349
00:16:15,955 --> 00:16:19,155
1888 called.
They'd like their drapes back.

350
00:16:23,075 --> 00:16:25,855
You're funny. I like that in a woman.

351
00:16:25,955 --> 00:16:28,455
Oh, you know, Alice Roosevelt

352
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,455
telegraphed something funny
to me the other day,

353
00:16:30,555 --> 00:16:34,602
and then I re-telegraphed it
to a whole bunch of my friends.

354
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:39,774
I ate a rat last night for dinner.

355
00:16:43,715 --> 00:16:46,975
Look, I know it's tough
being an immigrant.

356
00:16:47,075 --> 00:16:48,935
Irish, Italian, Jews.

357
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,500
No picnic being women, either...

358
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:51,815
Hmm.

359
00:16:51,915 --> 00:16:54,175
But this country is built on

360
00:16:54,275 --> 00:16:58,735
letting more people enjoy
its great freedoms,

361
00:16:58,835 --> 00:17:01,275
not keeping people down.

362
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,615
It may take longer than it should,

363
00:17:03,715 --> 00:17:05,895
but we always get it right,

364
00:17:05,995 --> 00:17:07,760
eventually.

365
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:09,535
Hmm.

366
00:17:09,635 --> 00:17:11,615
Sorry, dear, the opium just kicked in.

367
00:17:11,715 --> 00:17:13,875
I heard none of that.

368
00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:21,495
Oh, my God!

369
00:17:21,595 --> 00:17:24,535
Oh, my God, oh, my God!

370
00:17:24,986 --> 00:17:27,615
What do you think's going on?
It sounds like they're praying.

371
00:17:27,715 --> 00:17:31,675
Ay, I'll bet someone's on his knees.

372
00:17:35,795 --> 00:17:38,235
Ladies, I've changed my mind.

373
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,815
It's Christmas. I can't just
throw you out into the street.

374
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:47,135
There'll be no rent collected today.

375
00:17:47,235 --> 00:17:49,535
Saints preserve me. We're saved!

376
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:51,330
Oh, Billam,

377
00:17:51,355 --> 00:17:52,895
- you've done a good thing.
- Hmm.

378
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,220
The Christmas spirit
really got inside you.

379
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:57,245
Hmm.

380
00:17:58,395 --> 00:18:00,095
Right...

381
00:18:00,195 --> 00:18:02,195
it was the Christmas spirit.

382
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,455
Since we'll be able
to survive the winter now

383
00:18:05,555 --> 00:18:08,895
because of ya, I'd like to name
my baby daughter after you.

384
00:18:08,995 --> 00:18:11,055
That's the kindest thing I've ever heard.

385
00:18:11,155 --> 00:18:13,375
- What's your name, by the way?
- Fanny.

386
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,880
Uh-huh, and what's your middle name?

387
00:18:18,744 --> 00:18:21,417
Wow. What a story.

388
00:18:21,438 --> 00:18:23,458
It's so specific.

389
00:18:23,558 --> 00:18:26,778
I didn't know poverty could be so sad.

390
00:18:26,878 --> 00:18:28,658
At least it all worked out, Kar.

391
00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:31,458
Oh, no, that was just Christmas.

392
00:18:31,558 --> 00:18:35,018
Karolyn eventually served
four years in debtors' prison.

393
00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:37,138
John Patrick died at sea.

394
00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:40,583
Billam was convicted of sodomy
and died penniless and alone.

395
00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:43,818
Fanny was the first woman
to vote in New York,

396
00:18:43,918 --> 00:18:46,798
and the first woman killed
for voting in New York.

397
00:18:48,238 --> 00:18:51,378
You might want to
end the tour before that part.

398
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,298
Could you imagine being gay back then?

399
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:54,858
Ugh, or a woman?

400
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,883
Or a hot sailor?

401
00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:01,498
Or an immigrant?

402
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,578
I thought working harder for less

403
00:19:03,678 --> 00:19:06,003
was their American dream.

404
00:19:10,678 --> 00:19:12,298
Well, you know what, I'm done complaining

405
00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:13,778
that things used to be better.
They weren't.

406
00:19:13,878 --> 00:19:15,298
I mean, they're not great now,

407
00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:17,018
but we do have a lot to be thankful for.

408
00:19:17,118 --> 00:19:19,618
And we should have faith
that it will get better.

409
00:19:19,718 --> 00:19:21,458
The arc of history is long,

410
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:24,403
but it always bends towards justice.

411
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:32,498
I'm guessing you dated
a guy named Justice?

412
00:19:32,598 --> 00:19:34,178
And we called my penis
the Arc of History.

413
00:19:34,278 --> 00:19:36,278
Yeah.

414
00:19:37,438 --> 00:19:40,138
Oh, God, who used this antique toilet?

415
00:19:40,238 --> 00:19:42,665
It's not connected to anything!

416
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:49,478
Go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

417
00:19:51,038 --> 00:19:52,298
Grace, how could you not know?

418
00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:54,098
I knew.

419
00:19:54,123 --> 00:19:55,783
When I went to pull on that
chain and nothing happened,

420
00:19:55,808 --> 00:19:58,168
I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

421
00:20:00,118 --> 00:20:01,898
Oh, my gosh, you guys, it's snowing!

422
00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:03,538
You did it, Kar!

423
00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:05,858
Ah, you bet I did, Jackie,

424
00:20:05,958 --> 00:20:07,618
all for you.

425
00:20:10,638 --> 00:20:12,578
Hey, it's midnight.

426
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,338
It's Christmas!

427
00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:16,218
- Ah, Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, you guys.

428
00:20:16,318 --> 00:20:19,045
- Aw, Merry Christmas.
- You see?

429
00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:21,863
This is what the holidays are all about.

430
00:20:29,398 --> 00:20:30,858
Oh, I just remembered,

431
00:20:30,958 --> 00:20:33,298
we have to be somewhere
before she finishes.

432
00:20:37,078 --> 00:20:38,978
So, so sorry.

433
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:41,183
She'll be done soon.

434
00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:43,562
Hi.

435
00:20:43,662 --> 00:20:46,178
I like your mustache.

436
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:47,698
I'm Will.

437
00:20:59,118 --> 00:21:01,418
All right, let me try it again.

438
00:21:01,518 --> 00:21:04,098
That accent, it's a bitch.

439
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:08,898
Rat. You ate a rat, right? Okay.

440
00:21:10,798 --> 00:21:12,458
Quiet!

441
00:21:14,038 --> 00:21:15,778
I'm... I'm stuffing my asshole.

442
00:21:20,278 --> 00:21:22,278
Cut!

443
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,533
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

