If you'd be so good as to follow me,
ladies and gentlemen.
So the game begins, huh?
Thanks a lot.
You're all here.
Marvellous.
Luncheon is served.
With a side dish of...
murder!
Now, first of all, meet your detective -
actor and national treasure Anthony Hart,
or, as you know him,
Elliot Flame from television's Phoenix.
Um, Aunt Hel, I thought I was supposed to play the victim.
You were.
Dad?!
*CREDITS*
One fatal stab to the heart.
DS Mallowan.
Nice of you to join us. We were expecting you
- half an hour ago. - I know, I know.
Car trouble. But don't worry, sir, I'm on it.
Just got to order a new part.
Well, a really old part.
A detective needs a car that works, not a mobile skip.
Yeah, absolutely, sir - great point. Couldn't agree more.
Now, half the guests were on a garden tour all morning,
so we've ruled them out and sent them home,
but we need statements from the others,
and the Chief Super wants this wrapped up
as quickly as possible to keep the eyes of the press off us.
It'll be like a circus here tomorrow.
Are you saying I've only got 24 hours?
- What? No. - Aw. Can you?
Makes it feel proper dramatic.
Look, wrap this up quickly,
and keep the force from press scrutiny,
and that promotion's as good as yours.
Great. Where's Chaudhry?
Farming dispute. Gibsons and the Lewises, out near Cefnisel.
It's all kicked off there. I've got to go too.
Two officers for warring farmers?
No. Kayleigh's been suspended from school
for spreading malicious rumours about a teacher,
which I happen to know are perfectly true,
but that's beside the point.
Well, don't worry, sir, I've got it down here.
Right, thanks. Keep me posted.
Oh! Also, you two were teenage girls once -
say, hypothetically, your father locked you
in a police cell to teach you about responsibility,
do you think that would be a good life lesson or...?
No.
OK.
Right, cause of death, stab wound directly to the heart.
Angle of entry suggests the killer was standing in front of him.
No defence wounds.
Interesting detail about the weapon, though.
It's not a knife, it's a letter opener.
Other strange detail - he's wearing make-up.
Foundation over his left eye. Someone punched him.
Fairly recently, from the look of it.
Anthony Hart.
Legend.
Sounds wrong to say it, but I thought he was already dead.
Me too!
Can I go home?
This is a murder investigation.
Nobody is going to leave this house until I've taken a statement.
Look at the police notebook, honey.
The attention to detail!
Not sure I buy those shoes on a cop, though.
OK, er, sorry, what are both your names?
Huh? Oh...
I'm Tannis Fairweather,
owner of a South African diamond mine.
Patty and Bill Marcus.
I keep trying to explain to him that this is not part of the game.
It's not. It's absolutely not. Someone died.
Sure, Officer.
OK, um, can everybody apart from the family of the deceased
please wait outside?
- Right. - Gladly.
I need a drink.
Who would want to kill Dad?
It's horrible.
So, you both lived here with Anthony?
Er, no, urgh. No, I live in Ibiza.
I am only here because Dad came home.
My brother came back last month.
He'd signed up to do these events for a year.
This is the Hart family home.
Oh, good, that'll be him.
I've asked a friend to come round...
I need someone to be with me.
This is a murder scene!
You can't be inviting random people along!
He's not some random person.
He's a very dear old friend.
Oh, right, well, why didn't you say so?!
Oh, Johnny!
My hero!
Fighting through the rain to comfort me.
Helena, it's so awful. I...
Anthony, murdered? I...
Unthinkable, isn't it?
I've got a houseful of strangers,
I just needed someone familiar.
Um, look, I, er... I know what you're going through,
and the last thing you want to be doing is cooking,
so I picked some food up.
Oh, Johnny...
this is why I needed you.
You understand me.
I think you may be one of the few people I've never understood.
Um, can I have a word with...
Johnny, is it?
This is your new case, is it?
Yes, and it's very time-sensitive.
If I wanted your help, I would've called.
Oh, yeah, Dial-a-Lackey, of course, yeah.
Well, it's been quite a time since you've pestered me,
I thought perhaps you'd passed me over,
now that you were up and running.
- Hey! - If you're going to touch evidence, glove up!
Oh, these horrible things.
Ugh! Make me look like some ageing Smurf.
- Eugh. - OK.
Interesting murder weapon, though, isn't it, eh?
A table covered in steak knives,
yet they use a letter opener?
It tells us that the weapon is significant,
pregnant with meaning to our malefactor.
Or... they just grabbed it from the house.
Helena's not the type to own a letter opener.
Precision's not in her armoury.
She'd tear her envelopes open.
A very passionate woman.
Is she now, John Chapel?!
Is that why you're here?
To get your leg over?
Well, I am not here to get my leg over,
you appalling vulgarian!
Helena is a dear friend. We actually met through Anthony.
Some of my happiest memories are in this house.
So you were mates?
Very good mates for a while. Then, sadly, bitter rivals.
Phoenix on ITV, Caesar on BBC.
Got quite feisty.
Well, he won in the end.
What?! You think Anthony Hart was more successful than me
because he chose to defect to America?
Why didn't you ever go to America?
Oh, I was asked. Begged, even.
I could never make the dates work.
Anyway, can you picture me
sitting around a pool all day in my Speedos?
Oh, I've had enough traumatic images in my head today
with the dead body.
Do you mind?! There was a time
when I happened to look rather striking in a Speedo.
Couldn't get away with it now, though -
- too much danglage. - Ohh, right. OK.
I'm going to go and ask Helena what she knows
about the murder weapon.
And I'll see what I can find out from the other guests.
But don't take too long with Helena.
She must be suffering terribly.
Interesting, Chapel.
Very interesting.
Never seen it before in my life.
I'm fairly certain it isn't from the house,
though I have had four rather strong whiskies.
Right.
Very interesting.
Actually, not that interesting. Don't know why I said that.
So...
you and John Chapel - what's the story there?
Oh, brilliant, sensitive John.
Would wake a girl up with a poem and a buttered teacake.
You used to wake up with John Chapel...?
Yes.
Is this relevant?
Very. It's... essen... essential background.
Oh, right.
Johnny used to stay here a lot back in the '80s,
um, and, well, we...
we had a bit of a fling. Nothing serious.
He was a wonderful lovemaker.
Oh, God. God. No. Um...
And then fate intervened. I went on holiday to Marrakech.
While I was away, he met the lovely Elin.
They were soulmates from the off.
I came back with a deep tan,
a gorgeous rug and a broken heart.
At least you got a rug.
And you've stayed in touch all this time?
No, no, no, he went off-grid when Elin died.
Poor thing. Wouldn't even pick up the phone.
It's only recently he's got back in touch.
- Why? - There's a young lady in his life.
Nothing like that - an acquaintance.
But, um... whatever she's done,
he's really back to his old self.
Seems to be alive again.
Did I mention
he was a wonderful lovemaker?
OK, I think we're done. Yeah.
Oh, marvellous. Well... um...
I think I might go for a bit of a lie-down.
Do, er, wake me up if you find the killer.
There you go.
You did say tea, yeah?
Oh, actually, I asked for an extra-hot latte machi...
Yeah. Thought that might be a challenge.
Izzy's a nice girl,
but she's slightly useless for a silver-service waitress.
She was so spooked earlier,
she bolted upstairs to the bathroom when she saw the body.
Well, that's interesting. Excuse me.
Er... Oh, yeah, no, yeah, just walk away.
I was definitely done talking, so...
Don't mind me.
Quite the tricky murder
we've got going on here, eh?
Well, this is a murder. A man is dead.
I've tried, Mr Chapel.
I'm Patty Marcus.
- This is Bill. - Charmed.
Sorry, love, I think that's got sugar in.
It's the margaritas all over again, huh?
The margaritas?
Anthony asked me to make him a margarita earlier.
He took one sip, said it was disgusting and then he lost it.
When was this?
At the welcome drinks, when we all arrived.
Then he cleared off. Locked himself in his room all day, even though
we'd paid good money to meet him.
Er, Dennis Williams.
I can make cocktails. I worked the bar in Cardiff Infernos.
I made the best Skittle bombs out of anyone.
I don't doubt it. Cardiff Infernos -
I wouldn't dare cast aspersions on your mixology skills.
Oh! Thanks, love!
Look, I know probably now is a bad time,
but I've just got to say I am such a huge fan.
I've even watched your masterclass DVD.
Really? Well, that's amazing.
Yeah, we found it in Grandad's underwear drawer when we were
clearing his house out.
It's belting, seeing how hard you work. Fair play.
Well... you know, acting, proper acting,
it can be incredibly taxing.
And nurses think they've got it tough.
Sorry, just pulling your leg.
Marvellous sense of humour!
It's all right, I'm not immune to a bit of ribbing.
You seem like a sharp tack, Dennis.
What's your take on all this?
I think it's the curse of Phoenix.
The curse of Phoenix?
Ah, you have to tell me all about this.
Well, there was a girl worked on the show who died years ago.
And two actors suffered heart attacks while filming.
- And now this. - There's no such thing as bloody curses!
Anthony wasn't killed by a myth or a legend,
it was someone in this house.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need the loo.
Prostate the size of a cantaloupe.
Can I borrow Mr Chapel?
- Please excuse me. - Yeah, right.
How can I help, Detective?
So, what do you make of our guests?
An interesting little bunch.
Well, Dennis, something not quite right there,
no, no, but what is it, Chapel? What is it?
Performance, artifice - it's not his thing at all,
but he's here, at a murder mystery event.
No, that dog won't hunt, no, no. Plus, he mocked me.
Oh, right, yeah, he bruised your ego
so he must be our killer? Anything actually useful?
Anthony spent all afternoon in his room. Have you searched it yet?
Not yet, but I was going to.
- Oh, yeah? - Do you want to come?
Well, I really ought to go and see Helena.
She's having a lie-down.
But you could wake her up in a bit, with a...
poem and a buttered teacake.
- What? - Mm! Come on.
Somebody's hand-delivered a letter to Anthony.
And...
it's missing.
Dean!
Yes, thank you.
Yeah, I need to bring my car in again.
The usual. And there's a burnt-hair smell.
Oh, and it keeps making this noise.
Well, sort of like, um...
Thank you. Thanks, thanks. Bye.
Very interesting - car sentimentality.
Usually get it with men, or parents,
but I don't get it with you.
There's nothing to get. I like my car.
I like VHS tapes - I don't watch them any more.
It's not as simple as that.
My car...
it was Sian's. She left it to me,
so it means a bit more than a flipping VHS tape.
It's funny - we used to pretend to be you.
Just driving round, looking for crime.
She was a weirdo too, was she?
No wonder you were close.
Oi! We weren't weird, we were cool.
And I don't want to watch all of that just get crushed up
into a little... metal cube,
so just leave my car alone.
Right.
Very odd mix of magazines.
Anthony didn't seem the celeb junk-mag type to me.
There's nothing here.
Do you think this looks like someone
who was planning on staying for good?
Well, it's hard to say, isn't it?
Us actors aren't all about possessions.
Our accumulated baggage is on the inside.
I don't think he was staying.
Helena said he'd signed up to do these events for a year.
If he was going to do a runner,
that would give her a pretty good motive.
Helena? Fratricide? It's preposterous.
Why don't you go and, um, rouse her from her slumber,
see what you can find out?
I'm here to comfort Helena, not interrogate her.
Anyway, we should be talking to the son, Owen.
He just came back to see his father,
who is then murdered - seems very... coincidental.
OK, deal. I'll go talk to him,
and you go charm the lady of the manor.
I, er... I haven't read this week's, and, um,
well, I need to flush out a little suspect of my own.
So... Ibiza...
Sounds nice.
Lots of parties.
That's what my life used to look like, but not now.
I run a wellness retreat.
Why Ibiza? Couldn't you run a wellness retreat here?
Nobody gets well in Powys.
For a start, you need vitamin D and sunshine.
- Do you have to do that now? - Yoga's great for processing grief.
You grew up here?
Ah, do you know? Sometimes I wish I'd just had
a more wholesome, humble upbringing -
like you probably had.
Excuse me?! We had Sky!
And we went to Crete!
Did anything out of the ordinary happen
running up to the event?
No, I don't think so.
Although...
Oh, a few days ago, Dad was acting strange.
- How? - Kept trying to get rid of everyone.
Sent Aunt Hel off into town to get supplies
and told me to make myself scarce for the afternoon.
But I came back early and he wasn't alone.
He was with a woman.
Whoa... K!
Can you describe this woman?
Yeah, um, she was young, dark hair.
A bit like you, I suppose.
But elegant and stylish.
I'm stylish. Have you seen my little crop jacky?
Oof...
It's a little croppy jacky.
You, up on the roof,
bellowing poetry in a hurricane.
We all thought you were mad!
No, no, the technical term is steaming, I think...
Latvian vodka, if I remember correctly,
which I probably don't!
Oh, Johnny.
I feel awful laughing in all this.
Are you OK, Helena?
Really?
I have to be.
There's much to be done, and this place doesn't look after itself.
Is it not a bit too much for you on your own?
Sometimes.
It'd be nice to have someone else around to help.
Owen comes now and then -
usually when he's run out of money.
Perceptive of him to come to you for money,
rather than Anthony.
Well, they'd had their troubles.
He did rather run off the rails in his youth.
I say that's what being young's for, but, er,
Anthony was very hard on him.
Even yesterday, they had a row.
What about?
I've no idea.
Now, that's very odd.
This door is always locked.
That's the third door that's like it -
there are two more upstairs that have been unlocked.
Very strange.
Thank you for being here.
Makes everything that much more bearable.
I just want everyone out of this house.
I think the police will be done soon,
and everyone will be out of your hair.
Yeah... That's not happening.
The road's flooded.
I'm sorry, but you will all have to stay here overnight.
Oh! Little predictable, but I like it.
Izzy, where have you been?
I was just taking the bins out.
In this weather?
Is everyone here insane?
Well, I suggest everybody locks themselves
in their rooms until the morning,
when hopefully the road will be clear.
I am certain of two things, Atkins.
One - there is a killer in our midst.
And two - they shall presently lament
trying to commit a murder under the nose of Charles Caesar.
We've had a statement in from one of the neighbours, sir.
Do you have to watch that now?
It helps me think.
But it... Well, it's distracting.
It's transported me back to my character.
It's conflicting my psyche...
- Oh, this is a good bit. - Mm.
Chaudhry!
Sorry, I was meant to call you earlier,
but I've been with the Lewises all day.
I've got to get a team in from Welsh Water
to clear out the drains tomorrow
before Dave Lewis - and I quote -
puts Tom Gibson through the wall.
Aw, that sounds really boring.
Are you joking?
They're going to let me hold the big hose! I can't wait!
Anyways, I've been looking into Anthony Hart.
You're going to want to hear this.
He was booked on a flight back to LA next week.
So he wasn't sticking around?
No. But also,
he filed for bankruptcy in the US. He was skint.
OK, bye!
Well, the bankruptcy explains
why Anthony was doing those events. He needed the money.
That's a very unimaginative conclusion.
Oh, for f... OK, why do you imagine I'm wrong?
Because if Anthony needed money,
his agent could have got him an advert.
It would have been easier and ultimately less humiliating.
But bankruptcy? We're talking a lot of money.
I bought a boat once
from just doing an advert for Japanese vacuum cleaners.
Mind you, it wasn't just for the money -
I actually believed in Saku Suck And Clean.
O... K.
Well, while I YouTube that, why don't we call it a night?
You could, um, go for a nightcap with Helena?
No, I don't think so.
Why? She clearly fancies you.
Don't you like her?
- Of course I do. - What's stopping you?
You're single.
I haven't been a single man since 1986.
- I have a wife. - You can't keep living in the past.
Oh, that's rich, coming from someone driving around in hers.
Now, just leave it, OK?
OK. Fine.
- Johnny?! - Oh, God!
Helena, I'm so sorry.
- Don't know which is which. - This is mine.
Oh, right. Yeah, this is mine.
Sorry about that.
Ooh! I see you've found your old dressing gown.
- Yeah. - It still fits.
Yes, it does, yeah.
Brought back some memories.
Fond memories, I hope.
Oh, yeah.
Well, um...
I... I don't think
I'm going to get back to sleep right now.
Maybe a nightcap might be a... good idea?
Maybe.
Yes.
You do that, then. I...
I'd better not join you.
I'll only end up on the roof
shouting poetry again, yeah.
A bit dangerous in this weather.
I'd be like a lightning rod, yeah.
Pew!
Better get my head down.
Eight hours and all that - advisable for our age group, I believe.
Yeah, heard it on a podcast.
Yeah. I won't... I won't keep you.
Night-night. Er, sleep tight.
All that... Nighty-night.
I've slept on it and I think I know
who the mystery woman that Owen saw is.
What if, right,
she is the lover
Anthony came back for,
but she had a jealous husband,
and the husband joined the murder-mystery event...
to kill his love rival?
Dennis.
What, Dennis had a glamorous younger wife?
What did they talk about - his enlarged prostate?
No, no, no, no.
Well, I don't see you coming up with any better ideas.
While you were busy sleeping,
my subconscious and my antennae were busy deducing.
It's obvious who this woman is.
Getting everyone out of the house? The unlocked doors?
It must have been an estate agent.
Anthony was going to sell the house?
Well, it's the only logical reason for him to come back.
He needed money fast. It was his only asset.
An estate agent would want to see every room,
hence the unlocked doors.
I'll get Chaudhry to look into it.
OK.
If Dennis didn't do it, how about Owen?
He could be our killer.
Why?
Because he's annoying, and I don't trust him.
All his yoga and his yoga gear and his yoga pants...
You've got more of an issue with yoga than Owen.
Well, it's just stretching,
and everyone that does it thinks they're Gwyneth Paltrow,
and I'm sick of it!
Plus, he smells of biscuits.
He's guilty.
If we just knew why him and Anthony argued,
we could prove it.
Well, you're not going to find the answer in there.
Actually...
Can't this wait?
I'm kind of busy right now, because our useless maid for the weekend
just leaves all the cocktail stuff lying around.
It won't take long. Ooh, tequila!
I love a tequila slammer.
Yeah, you seem like the sort of person who would.
Right, we need to talk now.
About this.
"Love Island Star's Hideaway Regret"?
No, no, er...
Just, er...
"London Party Animals."
That would be you rolling out of the back of a cab in Soho?
That's why you and Anthony argued.
There is no wellness retreat.
You've been living in London, partying on Daddy's money.
He found out and summoned you home.
You had to make it look like
you were living in Ibiza, hence the fake tan.
Looks the part, but as anyone whose mam loves fake tan
as much as mine knows, it smells like biscuits.
The nose doesn't lie.
Fine.
Yeah.
Dad called me and told me to "come home at once"!
And, well, you know, you don't ignore the big chief.
And Anthony showed you the magazine?
Mm. Said it was the final straw.
"No more money."
Pretty big motive for murder.
OK, now, wait a minute.
OK, he was threatening to cut me off all the time.
Plus, I could just borrow from Aunt Hel.
Or bump him off and inherit everything?
Look... I... I wouldn't. I couldn't do it.
You know, most of the Zen stuff's an act,
but deep down I'm actually a really peaceful guy.
Hugs, not drugs, you know?
Although I do really love drugs.
Look, if anyone wanted to hurt Dad, it was that old guy.
He threatened him.
You threatened to punch Anthony.
Was it you that gave him the black eye?
No! We had words, that's all.
I was standing up for the girl. The maid.
- Izzy? - Yeah.
He had a pop at her about his margarita being too sweet,
so I told him to pick on someone his own size.
Chaudhry. Yeah, er, I-I've got to take this, sorry.
Chaudhry? What did you get?
Well, hopefully we can all go home soon.
Not soon enough, as far as I'm concerned.
Well, this is what I can't understand about you, Dennis.
Everyone else, I get why they're here.
They enjoy all this, the... artifice.
So do I.
"And nurses think they've got it tough"?
No, no, you've no time for dressing up, make-believe.
You're a practical man.
So why have you spent a small fortune to be here?
You're right.
I'm not like the others.
Oddballs.
I think a lot of TV crime stuff's just nonsense.
Agreed.
Well, it's actually what made Caesar so remarkable.
But it's not about Caesar, sorry. Carry on.
I am a sucker for Phoenix.
Really? I found it to be formulaic,
but it's all a matter of taste, of course.
No, please... please carry on.
My daughter was a huge fan.
We'd watch it together every week without fail.
What happened to your daughter, Dennis?
She moved to Canada. Years ago.
I don't see her any more.
It's only Canada.
Flights are cheaper than coming here.
It's not that simple.
We fell out.
Things can't go back to how they were.
No. They never can.
That's why I came here, really.
Daft old sod.
I saw it advertised and I thought
it might feel like me and her were still together somehow.
I didn't want to admit it,
because, well, it makes me sound bonkers.
You're not bonkers, Dennis.
Well, maybe you are, but, er...
we're all a bit bonkers, aren't we?
Ah, yes.
OK, I will need you to come in and make an official statement.
Yes, bye. Love you.
Doh... dunno why I said that! Argh, hang up!
That was our estate agent.
My estate agent.
You thought it was Dennis's younger wife, remember?
Mm, potato, tomay-to.
She did meet with Anthony to put the house on the market.
She called back to confirm some details a few days ago,
but said the call was answered by Anthony's sister.
- No. - Yes.
Helena said they were still considering it
and hadn't confirmed 100 % whether they'd be selling.
No, no, no, no, Helena would never sell the house.
Which puts Helena in the frame.
There was a call from some woman but I was rushed off my feet.
I just said what I thought would... get her off the line.
I must have, er... must have got a... shock
from the light switch.
You didn't confront Anthony?
I didn't think he was serious.
Weird. Didn't hurt me.
But then I didn't hurt my hand attacking Anthony.
God, I'm good - admit it.
Maybe not the time, but very good, yes.
Is it true, Helena?
The selfishness.
Typical Anthony.
He was trying to sell my home.
You couldn't let that happen, so you didn't. You stopped him.
No, no, no, no. We argued. I was furious and I hit him,
but that was all.
I needed him to make these events a success.
I'd spent months putting everything in place.
Not strictly true - not everything.
Think, Chapel.
Yes. The name cards...
were in the wrong place.
But I triple-checked all the place settings myself
yesterday morning.
It's definitely in the wrong place. See?
Well, that's even stranger.
The name's wrong. There was no Lorna Maddison.
Patty was supposed to be a different name.
Mary Murphy O'Toole. I came up with all the names myself,
and I was particularly pleased with that one.
Very Irish.
It's been tampered with.
So who is Lorna Maddison?
Lorna Maddison - worked as a production assistant
on the TV show Phoenix.
Where is she now?
Dead.
Died in a car crash in 2007 whilst working on the show.
According to the inquest, she fell asleep at the wheel.
She was driving from set to London
after a 15-hour working day
to go pick up Anthony Hart's mail from his house.
All that to pick up some mail? What an arse.
Left behind a husband and a six-month-old daughter.
Also, we've had an update from Baxter on the toxicology.
Said she's rushed the results through,
so you owe her a Pizza Express.
Every time! What else did she say?
Well, the cause of death is still a letter opener,
but Anthony had traces of ethylene glycol in his system.
Somebody had tried to poison him.
How much did everyone hate this guy?!
Ethylene glycol?
Found in brake fluid. Not enough to kill him.
Apparently, it's quite easy to hide. It tastes quite sweet.
Thanks, Chaudhry.
Well, that explains why Anthony thought
there was too much sugar syrup in his margarita.
And it does rather implicate Izzy in his death.
- But why would she do it? - I don't know.
Ah... the only motives I can see come from the family,
and Izzy is not family.
She might be.
Yeah, of course.
The name card,
the letter opener, Lorna Maddison -
it all comes back to her.
Somebody wanted revenge for what happened.
Who?
Lorna's daughter. The six-month-old baby girl!
She'd be about 18 now.
It's possible. She clearly lied to get the job working here.
Silver-service waitresses don't tend to come
straight from Cardiff Infernos.
But why go to all the bother?
Why not just bump him off in the street?
She didn't want to just kill him -
she wanted him to know why,
she wanted him to be scared.
That's why she posted the letter under his door.
- It was a threat. - Where's the letter?
She took it from Anthony's room.
Think about it. Izzy's reaction to seeing the body
was to run upstairs to the bathroom. Why?
There's a toilet by the kitchen.
She couldn't risk you finding it in the house.
Didn't it seem strange that she went to take out the bins
during a storm? You'd wait until later, wouldn't you?
Unless you had to get rid of something urgently.
Why would I kill him? It makes no sense.
A lot of things make no sense.
Like why you lied your way into a waitressing job.
You did it to get close to Anthony, didn't you?
- No. - Yes. You tried to poison him,
and when that didn't work, you stabbed him.
No! Why would I?
Because he killed your mother.
Mam's dead?!
I spoke to her this morning!
You're not Lorna Maddison's daughter?
No, my mam's called Trish.
Are you sure?
What, that she's alive or that she's called Trish?
I mean, I'm pretty sure on both but I can ring her and check.
Agh, damn!
Wha...! I was really hoping your mam was dead!
Not in that way. But something about you doesn't add up,
so you better tell me why you're really here now
or I'm taking you down the station. Now, let's start
with why you put a letter underneath Anthony's door.
It wasn't a letter, it was a headshot.
She's an actress. She lied her way here to get closer to Anthony -
thought it would help her career.
Same as she thought you would.
Ah, well, that's why she was keen to talk about my process.
That's a relief.
I did worry she was flirting.
With you? Ego much?
As if she wants to see you in your Speedos with all your danglage.
It does take us back to square one, though.
I was sure she was the daughter.
It did feel right.
Emotionally.
An obsessive needing revenge for a loss, righting the past.
Oh, Chapel...
Chapel...
Yes-s!
Oh, you fool! It's obvious!
It wasn't the daughter,
but it was the daughter!
Just once, please, make sense.
The road has been cleared now so you're all free to go...
once we've sorted out the little matter of who killed Anthony.
- Now... - Wait, what?
this murder is, at its heart,
about a woman called Lorna Maddison - a young woman
who died because of Anthony Hart,
18 years ago, driving to collect his post.
Hence the letter opener.
I really like the word "hence". I should use it more often.
The letter opener was significant.
Symbolic.
Wasn't it, Dennis?
No way!
You were the big inconsistency from the start.
The huge fan of Phoenix
who wasn't interested in the show.
I told you, I liked it
because me and my daughter were into it.
Your daughter. Yes.
You were telling the truth there.
I could tell how much you miss her.
But there'd been no falling-out between you.
You'd do anything to see your daughter again...
but you can't.
Because Lorna is dead.
The only genuine emotion you showed
was when you saw Anthony shouting at Izzy -
seeing him push around a young woman
the way he'd pushed your daughter around.
Do you deny it, Dennis?
That man...
Maybe he wasn't in the car...
but he killed my girl.
Every time I saw his smug face on the telly,
this thing grew inside me.
I knew I'd have to finish him off one day.
Just had to find out how to get to him.
You famous people are really cagey
about your whereabouts and that.
Well, quite wisely, in your case.
Then I saw the ad for this. Couldn't believe my luck.
First thing I thought of was the letter opener.
Seemed fitting.
"Here's your mail."
I'd snuck off and changed the place cards earlier.
Said I needed the loo.
In actual fact, I've got the prostate of a 25-year-old.
Then I came down before lunch.
Asked for an autograph for my little girl.
He asked me her name.
I told him -
Lorna Maddison.
They were the last words he heard.
You killed my dad?
Saved you the job in the end.
What?
You'd already started your plan to kill your dad.
Poisoning him with brake fluid in the margarita.
I told you I know how to make cocktails!
Owen wouldn't murder his father.
He had to. Anthony had threatened to cut him off.
Good work, Detective.
I completely missed that.
This is absurd. There's no evidence.
The tequila bottle. It's empty, but there'll be traces.
Yeah, OK...
Yeah, you got me. That's very good.
Mm, yeah. When I saw him at the table,
the tears were real. I was so relieved.
Thank you, Dennis.
Thanks to you, I walk free, and inherit everything, so...
Yeah. No, you're still going to be arrested.
It's still attempted murder.
What?!
No.
Please, no. Um... It-It was a joke.
Er, doesn't grief do that to some people?
Gallows humour? No?
Oh, come on, it wasn't even enough poison to kill him.
It would've taken me weeks.
A good lawyer will get me off.
And how are you going to afford a good lawyer?
Oh, Aunt Hel, maybe you...
You little shit. You'll never receive a penny from me again.
That'll be your ride, boys.
We can come to an arrangement - me and you?
A mutual arrangement? Backs get scratched?
A bribe - there, I can't be any clearer.
Watch the shirt!
There you go, Chaudhry. Didn't miss out
on all the excitement with your dead sheep.
Didn't you hear? It wasn't a sheep carcass at all. It was a human's.
- What?! - It'd had been in the drain for years.
Clarke wants us on it straight away.
I'll see you back at the station, all right?
OK, all right.
Er, I-I need to head straight down to the station.
What, in your car?
You going to make it?
Oh, I hope so, but... maybe you are right.
Maybe I do need to start thinking about...
maybe thinking about...
letting it go.
Well, you don't want to be stuck in the past, like Dennis.
Be sure to give us a good review on Tripadvisor.
Oh, that's for sure! We had a great time. Thanks.
Johnny? You're not going?
Yeah, I'd better get back. Yeah.
Helena, look, um,
if you're not, er, preoccupied
in doing, you know, with the...
Are you trying to... ask me out?
I think I am. Yeah.
Dinner?
Talk about old times?
Maybe make some new times?
Yes, yes, I'd... I'd love that.
Right, excellent.
Great.
Lovely.
Oh, Johnny Chapel, you've got me all flustered.
I can't believe the vicar did it.
We'll be booking again for next year.
Oh, before you go, John Chapel,
can I get one more photo of the supersleuths together?
One more? You've been taking photos this whole time?
Yeah.
Please tell me you haven't sent them to anyone?
- Well, just our kids. - The kids.
You got quite the response on social media.
- Oh! - Oh, God.
No. No, no, no. Delete, delete.
- Delete? - Delete them all.
All right. Delete them all.
- What's the matter? - Er, I'm so fired.
Ah... We're in the paper!
"Washed-up actor"? Well, this won't do!
Oh, G... Clarke's calling me.
I'm dead. I'm dead.
Hi!
*CREDITS*