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_
Well, we're taking a big risk here,
so just tell us what you want.
Alright, honey.
Three hundred each. Be at the gazebo at 6:00.
Three hundred?
I thought brains went for five!
We have to build up a rapport with the new broker.
I think you've built enough rapport.
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's just business. I swear to you.
You think I'm a fool!
We should have gotten 800 for those wrists.
You're holding out on me.
To hell with it.
I am keeping the money, and I'm sleeping with him too.
You home-wrecking harpy!
No! If it weren't for me,
this place would've rotted a long time ago,
you weak, bloodless, shriveled little worm!
Are we inside minimum?
Yeah. I think he overshot the mark.
We're out. He's inside minimum, right?
Okay. Alright, we'll do it again.
Let's cut.
Reset.
Coming in.
Let's reset the rug, please.
Copy that, set deck coming in.
Make way for the rug.
There she goes.
What's your story?
You with makeup, hair, wardrobe?
Oh, me? No, no.
I wish.
This is my husband's funeral home.
- Do you need some help? - No, no, no. Don't touch that.
_
? We'll meet again ?
? Don't know where ?
? Don't know when ?
? But I know... ?
Anybody got 20 on locations?
Why'd they even set this in 1973 anyway?
'Cause, like, iPhones and DNA and stuff
make it way too easy to solve murders now.
Like, like, one drop of blood.
- Boom! There's your guy. - Excuse me.
This is a work area. It's off-limits.
- Go. - Sorry, dude.
What the hell?
What the... is going on?
And we're back up. Going right into a take!
Roll sound, please!
- What happened to the lights? - It's a live set.
Sparks blew a breaker. We're rolling.
Action.
The families will never know
because all they're getting are ashes.
Ashes.
Everyone thinks they're ashes.
They're actually bone fragments
ground to the consistency of ashes.
Any respectable funeral director would say "remains."
- Cut! - Please be quiet.
- Greta? - Resetting!
Great job.
Fred.
Oh, my God. They've destroyed the place.
No, no, no.
Honey, they're professionals.
They're gonna leave it exactly the way it came.
- Dan Locos told me. - Who fuck is Dan Locos?
Dan, the locations manager.
Hat and mullet?
Yeah.
That's what they all call him. Like a nickname.
They have names for everything.
A whole secret language.
The bathroom is the "honey wagon" and snacks are "crafty."
I don't care.
Just keep them out of my workshop.
And speaking of which,
what are you doing anyway?
You're supposed to be finishing the makeup job.
Honey, I will.
Tomorrow morning, the Hoppenstammers will walk through that door
to grieve their beloved grandmother.
Real people dealing with real death.
That's what our lives are about now, Greta,
- not this fantasy land. - Yeah.
We've already rescheduled the Hoppenstammers once
because you talked me into this ridiculous filming.
And the money from it is gonna get us through the month.
And I needed...
What?
What do you need, Greta?
I don't know.
Something...
alive.
Hey!
What happened to the lights?
It was just a breaker.
I'm sorry, and I'll be sure to keep the PAs out of the basement.
Oh, yes, and the peons in the basement.
And look behind you.
You're destroying my father's peonies
and trampling my grandmother's lavender.
And desecrating my great aunt's azaleas.
Fred, it'll all be better than new when we leave.
I told you, you won't even know we were here.
Oh, my God.
The Hoppenstammers.
We'll replant those too.
The hell is this? We didn't talk about a party.
Mrs. Hoppenstammer.
Mr. Hoppenstammer.
Ms. Hoppenstammer.
Fred, what the hell is going on here?
Well, we had to reschedule for tomorrow.
Greta was supposed to call you?
Nobody called us.
Oh, shit.
Oh. Shit.
For three generations,
my family has kept this place a sanctuary
to the sanctity of life's final passage.
This is not a job...
not a business.
This is a temple...
to the dignity of death.
And you and I are its caretakers.
So, "Oh, shit"
indeed.
I want...
a divorce.
What?
One of the makeup girls from the shoot said
she can set me up with work in Miami.
Local stuff.
Small ads.
My cosmetology license can transfer over.
- Miami? - I don't want to hurt you.
I just wanna take my half and go.
Your half?
I know, you probably can't afford to buy me out.
I've spoken to the realtor whose aunt we did last month,
and he's already found us a really good offer.
Let's have a baby.
A baby would bring life into this place.
That's what you want.
And he would grow up to be our child.
And he would take over this place when I die,
a fourth generation keeping
- the fire burning... - No!
I am not gonna trap a baby too
in this depressing, haunted shithole!
You think I trapped you?
I don't know.
I mean, when we got married, I was so young.
So, yeah, I feel...
trapped.
But I think you're trapped here too.
Mostly maybe with all these ghosts.
You should get out.
- Out? - Yeah.
I don't understand out.
There is no out.
Well, there is for me.
What about "Sleep Walk"?
Fred...
I hate "Sleep Walk".
You home-wrecking harpy!
No!
If it weren't for me,
this place would've rotted a long time ago.
No thanks to you,
you weak, bloodless, shriveled little worm.
Cut!
Alright, let's reset and go again.
You home-wrecking harpy!
Cut. Reset.
You home-wrecking harpy!
Cut.
You home-wrecking harpy!
And cut.
That should do it.
We'll clean up the rest of the blood spatter in the morning.
Greta, where have you been?
Hi.
Out...
with friends.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I overreacted.
Can we just talk about this?
No.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
No...
How long will this take?
When will you be out of my home?
Tomorrow morning? 7:00 a.m.?
They'll strike the set dressing
and scrub the place,
so don't worry.
You'll be able to eat off the floors
if that's your thing.
_
? Ring my bell ?
? My bell ?
? Ring my bell ?
? My bell, ring ?
? Ring my bell ?
? You can ring my bell ?
There you are.
So, yeah, anyway, I'm...
I'm pretty sure I about cracked the code.
I mean, there was a while there where I really...
I just couldn't get a moment's peace.
You know, hayride, lighthouse, what have you.
But the last three months, well,
not a peep from Beatrix Hasp,
not a peep from the Five Families.
Feelin' pretty good. Feelin' pretty good.
Oh, no big huge deal, but I even quit smoking
and that was kind of my whole scene.
Yeah, I switched to vaping.
Techno Cotton Candy. It's delicious.
You shouldn't know that.
Anyway, no one really knows if it's healthier.
But, hey, vice is spice of life.
What else are we doing on this great trip to nowhere?
No one knows.
We do know how it ends at the end.
It ends the same for each of us, I guess.
Buy the ticket. Take the ride, right?
Who knows? Might even run for sheriff of Aspen.
I see my Hunter S Thompson references
are lost on you, and that's a shame.
That's why we need to keep books in Florida libraries.
It's very important.
Mai Tai on the beach, huh?
Gosh, kids, you guys are great.
And that's... It's dead.
And, you see, that's the one downside with these things
is they run on batteries.
Yo, hey, with cigarettes,
you're always looking for a lighter, right?
Okay, guess I'm off on a a battery run.
Pleasure doing business
and great work on the moat.
_
Okay.
Hi.
So, what's the why?
Hey, sorry for the chase.
What year is this car?
This is... She's a beauty.
Oh, thanks. Yeah, it's...
This right here is a 1969 Plymouth Barracuda.
Limited edition, original engine,
windshield wipers that just won't start,
but, hey, that's why I got this rag.
I'm so sorry if I spooked you.
Let me just get to business here.
See, I rent these classics for, like, movies.
They call them picture cars.
I see. And you're sure you're not affiliated with the mob?
Nah. Union 385, Florida Teamster Branch.
I have seen "Hoffa."
Yes. Very cool. Okay. Got it, alright.
- We're making a new movie. - Yes.
- It's set in '73. - Does it pay cash?
And I will pay you the other half at wrap.
Wow, which is when-ish?
Six-ish.
I'm gonna put this CB radio in with Transpo
so they can communicate with the driver on set, cool?
It's actually...
- Check it out. - Super cool.
I'm gonna be like Linda Manz, right?
"Hey, this is gorgeous.
"kill all hippies.
Subvert normality. Over."
Wow. Nothing? It's a, it's a Dennis Hopper classic.
You really should check it out.
- Love that guy. - You do?
Oh, it seems like you're not that familiar with his work actually.
Call sheets. You need a call sheet?
Oh, sure.
Looks like a murder happened around here.
Good.
Corpse has COVID? No, great.
Copy that, corpse has COVID.
- Hey, do you have COVID? - Me?
No.
Look, I'll be honest with you, I haven't tested much recently.
Great. Wanna be a corpse? Pays cash.
- Sure. Cash, I like. Thanks. - Okay, let's go.
It's just business, I swear to you.
You think I'm a fool!
The wrists.
We should have gotten 800 for those wrists!
You've been holding out on me.
Oh, to hell with it.
I am taking the money, and I'm sleeping with him too.
You home-wrecking harpy!
No! If it weren't for me,
this place would've rotted a long time ago,
you weak, bloodless, shriveled little worm!
Cut, cut, cut. Let's go again.
Wait.
Again?
Quiet from the corpse, please.
Alright, everyone, sit tight while sparks works this out.
- No business like show business, huh? - Tell me about it.
Back from lunch in 30, people. Back in 30.
There's so much food, they're gonna throw it away.
- Really? - Yes.
Oh, hey, corpse,
- you should come sit with us. - Come, mm.
This guy? Wow.
I'm a corpse. So, what'd I miss?
So, anyway, it's not just eye makeup like we're used to.
You use actual paint, not makeup.
I don't know these people, these dead shells.
But when I start to work,
I imagine them alive and happy with me.
Sometimes I even talk to them.
This is sounding creepy?
Yeah, man, I get it.
I get it. Caring about someone,
even if they're gone
and wanna give them a little bit of dignity,
even if they'll never know it.
I get it.
Yeah, but then...
life among the dead,
what kind of life is that?
I get that too.
I actually went to cosmetology school
thinking I'd move to...
Miami and work for a magazine or something,
like fashion shoots or what you guys do.
But then my parents got in a car accident,
and that's how I met Fred.
And then, switched focus to mortuary stuff.
Wait, you mean your parents are buried here?
No, they were cremated.
But, yeah, Fred directed the funeral.
I was devastated.
25 going on 18.
I'd never been on my own.
Just completely lost, and Fred was gentle.
He really cared.
He was just what I needed in that moment.
I didn't think I was picking a path.
But then you wake up...
and it's too late for anything else.
Too late shit. Too late?
Girl, I know plenty of people in Miami
doing commercial stuff if you ever need a hookup.
Really?
Okay, irregardless,
you two wanna get blackout wasted tonight?
We do a hell of a banger.
Yes!
Greta, can I speak to you inside, please?
So, a banger, huh?
Back in five, people!
Points, points, points.
Wait, I...
bathroom?
Bathroom?
Thanks.
And what is all this, by the way?
Well, thank you for asking.
This day has been hell on me.
Here at Finch's, we are proud to offer
a guaranteed unbeatable variety
of keepsakes for your family's remains.
Fred Finch.
Oh, Charlie.
Charlie Corpse.
Pretty cool. Pretty cool. Yeah, yeah.
So, wait,
what does that mean?
Does that mean... So, what?
You can put ashes in any of this stuff?
Remains, not ashes.
Remains.
We can infuse remains into practically anything.
Bookends, fountain pen ink,
stained glass, Christmas ornaments,
shot glasses...
cuff links,
even fireworks.
Crazy.
There are constant breakthroughs in crematory science.
So many ways to keep your dearly departed
within arm's reach.
You like music?
- Spice of life. - Same.
- Be dead without it. - Same.
I installed a state-of-the-art
vinyl record press from a supplier in Germany.
May I?
Learned rudimentary German as well.
- Wow. - The buttons are in German.
- I see. - You pick the song,
and we can press your loved ones
into vinyl records on site.
No other funeral home in the Southeast can do that.
So these are...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Remains.
- Right, not ashes. - No. No.
Crushed bone fragments called "remains."
Greta, yeah.
She had mentioned that you were
into all this kind of stuff, and I can see why.
I think it's cool.
It's cool, genuinely.
- Very special place here. - Yes.
Well, a certain amount of urgency
on the pee-pee front.
Yes.
- All yours. - Ah, thanks.
I don't wanna be pressed into an ornament!
You don't wanna be an ornament!
No!
I don't, I don't wanna become...
a record.
Greta, it is weird.
It's niche, but it's also kind of cool.
Romantic.
He's already had the molds made
for our special songs.
It's like I'm already dead.
- Red flags. - I didn't even get to pick mine.
You think I'd pick Santo & Johnny's "Sleep Walk"?
And you can't dance to that song.
"Ring My Bell," I told him.
Fifteen years of marriage, he's never taken me dancing.
And never rung my bell.
Shit.
- Harsh. - "Sleep Walk."
I hate the slide guitar.
What am I, Hawaiian?
- No, no, no. - Ixnay on this...
I mean, that's appropriation.
You don't need to go here. Trust me.
- Google it. Google it. - Greta, before we all Google,
maybe it's time for a little hydration, huh?
Easy on the moonshine.
- No. - What, this?
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
Put your number into my phone.
Oh, the password's it's 1212.
After my old Chihuahua's birthday.
Pouring one out for the dead Chihuahua.
Think I'm in here.
Call me anytime.
- She's good. - Yeah, yes.
I'm learning. I'm learning tricks.
He's inside.
You sure you don't want to come in?
Me? No, I live in this car.
Hey... Miami.
Miami, alright.
Miami my hammy!
Miami my hammy.
- We're gonna go, right? - What?
Don't bullshit me because I'm gonna go pack.
No, I don't bullshit. Seriously.
- Okay, it's Greta and Charlie. - It's a big rule. Yeah.
- We'll go wherever anywhere. - Yeah, any...
But, but, but here tomorrow, okay?
Listen, you still wanna go tomorrow morning,
I'll be here, I'll pick you up, kiddo. Okay?
- Yeah? - Alright, buddy.
Alright. Alright.
- Good night. Good night. - Nighty-night.
Okay.
Good night.
Okay, Miami.
Locations is ready to lock up now.
Trucks are loaded. See you at the stage.
Hey, gorgeous. This is CB. Are you copy?
Kill all hippies. Subvert normality.
Over. Good morning.
Greta?
Yo Greta! Oh, hi.
Have you seen Greta?
- Who? - Yeah, the wife.
She lives here. We had this plan. We're gonna go to Miami today.
- We were pretty wasted, so... - Busy, babe.
Greta, we ride at dawn!
Where's Greta?
She's gone.
She told me she was gonna leave me.
This is the last thing she texted me last night.
I woke up this morning,
she was gone,
without a trace.
Ay.
Just like that,
after 20 years.
She must have left with the film crew.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
Okay.
Guess that's it.
Hawaiian appropriation. Google it.
_
I remember the night we met.
Randy Savage had just died,
and we were just pounding shots for the Macho Man.
Oh, gosh. Excuse me. It's a beautiful story. I...
Did she have, a pacemaker or an implant with a battery?
It's a fire safety issue.
Anything with a battery will explode in the crematorium furnace.
- Babe? - No.
Not that we know of.
Can you sign here to attest to that?
My wife, Greta, was supposed to go over all this with you.
Hi, Mrs. H, and Mr. H.
Hi, I did wanna say
that your mother-in-law seemed like an incredible woman
and my condolences.
And Fred, hi.
I just wanted to double-check on Greta.
I'm kind of in the middle of shepherding a grieving family
through their final moments with a loved one right now.
Your sweet wife Greta. Is she okay?
It's a crazy thing. She's disappeared,
and, so I just wanted to double-check...
No, no, no. She didn't disappear.
Well, I...
She's gone and you don't know where she is
and, well, I don't know where she is.
The poor girl. Fred, can we help?
I can hog up a posse.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No need to hog up.
Excuse me, Mrs. Hoppenstammer.
This is Banshee's moment.
I'm so very, very, very sorry for the intrusion.
Yes, it is. And thanks for the hog up.
I'm sorry.
She was incredible.
Hi, Fred. I did. I just was wondering
is there anything that may have indicated
that Greta was, gonna take off like this?
No, no. Greta decided to leave with the film crew. Alright?
She said she wanted to leave with the film crew and she did.
True.
Oh, also, and... this is incidental.
I'm just curious,
you had mentioned that you press your own vinyl in-house.
About how long does that take?
Come back when you have a body,
and I'd be happy to discuss all of our services.
Now, kindly leave.
A call sheet.
_
She texted me late last night, like, 50 times.
"Hey." "Hay," well, spelled with an A.
"Hey, wassup?"
"Haaaaaaaay," with, like, a ton of As.
You get the picture. But, yeah,
this morning I didn't get any texts back.
Weird.
Hey, uh...
do you know what this movie is about?
- No idea. - Right.
Thought you said it was in set in 1973.
I think it's a multiverse thing.
Anyway, I'll ask around and see if anyone's seen Greta, you know?
Set deck was here at 7:00 a.m.
It's worth asking them if they saw her leave.
Oh, okay. Set deck.
Paige.
Wild night.
Hey, so you, were you at the funeral home this morning?
Yeah, 7:00 a.m. call.
Set deck had to go clean up the murder scene.
Right, right. And did you see Greta?
No, but that creepy funeral guy
was kind of hovering the whole time,
making sure we got everything.
To be fair, we did leave it kind of grisly
after last night's shoot.
You know, fake blood splattered everywhere, the usu'.
How do you know that that blood was fake?
Babygirl, it's a movie.
Oh, right, right.
Yeah, makes sense.
Oh, pardon. Hi.
Do you happen to know what this movie is about?
It's not my department,
but I think I heard someone say it's about vanity.
Oh, cool. Now I get it.
Yes, yes, of course. Hi.
No one's seen Greta all day.
I tried calling her, but all I got was a voice message.
You know, her husband told me that she left with the film crew,
and I could tell he was telling the truth.
- How? - Well, 'cause things...
You know, it's a long story, anyway.
You seem worried. You think something might have happened to Greta?
The record thing, well, it's tenuous.
Maybe I should go back to that death house
and do a little snooping.
Our lunch break is in 20 minutes.
I'm gonna come with you.
You're a good egg, Tommy.
What are we snooping for, though?
It's a good question.
I guess anything amiss, out of place.
Strange, weird. I don't know.
I think I'm hoping I'll know it when I see it.
Hoppenstammers ho!
The highway screams with high-octane dreams!
Mama Banshee's gonna ride with us.
Come on, Mama.
Let's ride!
Let's snoop.
Okay. Come on, come on.
We need a plan.
You go in there. I'll go down the stairs.
_
Tommy?
Hello?
Hot.
What are you doing in here?
Hi.
I'm just here looking for my friend, Greta.
Are you kidding me?
I told you she left with the film crew.
I don't know where they took her.
Yeah, you did tell me that.
And, it's true,
but it's also true that, Mama Banshee,
well, she rides with the Hoppenstammers.
- What? - I'm just thinking.
Well, if it's true that Greta left with the film crew,
the question remains, Fred,
what condition did she leave with them in?
Remains, see? The question remains.
Added to which,
she hasn't been picking up her phone for some reason.
And well, gosh, I mean, more things just keep adding up.
You know, the death song thing.
I saw you listening to that record this morning.
The one with the song that you picked out for her
even though she hated it...
"Sleep Walk."
Yeah. And now,
well, the craziest thing.
Now there's this speck of...
- What's that look like to you? - You're insane.
What do you think happened in here yesterday?
That's movie blood. They missed a spot.
They missed a spot.
Yeah.
Yesterday.
You see, yesterday,
well, I was lying in this casket all day,
pretending to be dead.
As far as vocations go, intolerable.
I had nothing to do but, stare up at that ceiling all day
watching over and over that cheesy,
and, frankly, misogynistic murder scene.
And each time, well, you see, a bunch of that movie blood,
it would splatter on that wall over there.
And every time, a few specks would land on that
white silk cloth situation covering the whole ceiling.
But the people that do the lights and so forth,
well, they told me that they,
they said that they ramped out after the filming.
So, that means that I guess
they would've taken the white silk with them.
I guess that means that,
whatever this little spot is here,
it must have gotten here
after the shoot, you see?
Overnight?
I think that, Greta
finally decided she'd had enough
of being trapped inside of this embalmed death house,
and you didn't like that, Fred. And she,
well...
Hey, this movie shoot gave you the perfect cover to stop her.
To keep her here, forever,
trapped inside of a song
that you got to choose. Am I getting warmer?
But what you didn't count on, I guess,
is, somebody giving a damn about her.
Now look me in the eye,
you manipulative creep,
and, tell me that you didn't kill her.
Greta just texted me.
She's fine.
Wait, wait, wait. What?
Yeah, I guess she must have fallen asleep on the Greyhound to Miami,
but she made it.
It's all good.
See?
Oh, geez.
Oh, man. I...
Oh, Fred. Ah, shit, I'm sorry.
Well, my lunch break's up.
- Catch you later. - Alright, Tommy. Thanks, man.
Geez.
Fred, Fred, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, really please, man. I'm sorry.
She's gone and it's...
it's all my fault.
- I am a creep. - You're not a creep.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Look, people grow apart.
They want different things.
Greta, she wanted to move to Miami. Okay?
And you? You love it here.
This embalmed death house?
Alright, I'm sorry I said that.
Really. I...
Believe me, if you knew the wreck
that was my life, I...
My whole family,
everyone I ever cared about has passed on.
They're all right here with me.
Yeah. And it's, it's beautiful.
Like, you can feel their presence.
My Uncle Jeffrey,
he's right there in that lamp.
What do you mean, "in" the lamp?
His remains,
they're in the lamp.
- Yeah. - Isn't that beautiful?
And my cousin Shirley's over there in the music box.
Hey, Shirley.
Great Uncle Rick is in the stained glass
and Grandma Bee, well, she's actually in the grandfather clock.
And...
that's my dad...
right there in the mug.
I...
The rest of his remains we mixed with oil paints.
That's him.
I like to sit here and have coffee with him in the morning.
Greta never really understood.
How could she?
I should probably
hit the head and then the road,
belly full of tea.
Thanks, Dad.
Fred.
Sorry, Aunt Edna.
Holy shit.
Dog birthday. Dog birthday.
_
- _ - 2022?
Fred?
Hey! Hello?
What the fuck is happening?
Please let me out of here!
Please, please!
No, no, no, no, no!
Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred!
Listen, if you let me out of here,
I swear to God I won't say anything. Okay?
I swear. I swear. I'm really sorry.
Okay? I promise.
Just please, please, let me out of here!
Please! Please!
Fred!
With your clever guessing,
you're getting warmer.
Much, much warmer.
Fred, Fred, please listen to me. Okay? Listen to me.
- Listen. - You were the one
who talked her into leaving in the first place.
So, in a way,
it's perfect justice.
No, no, no, no!
Fred! Fred!
Fred!
Fred, let me out!
Fred! Fred! Fred! Fred!
No!
_
Ah, shit!
Come on, come on. Come on!
Let's go! Come on!
Come on.
Oh, look, look.
Fred, we gotta go.
Come on, come on!
Fred! Fred!
Ah, fuck!
Shit!
Fuck me!
Fuck.
Ah, fuck.
If I've ever deserved one.
You know better than that, Charlie Cale.
Those things'll kill ya.
Beatrix Hasp, huh?
We got some unfinished business, pal.
Drive!
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