1
00:00:22,157 --> 00:00:25,293
Shred... It's been like 20
minutes, dude, come on.

2
00:00:26,378 --> 00:00:27,478
Hello?

3
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:30,691
All right, everybody, time's up.

4
00:00:31,962 --> 00:00:33,853
- Everybody?
- Come on.

5
00:00:33,877 --> 00:00:35,125
Come on.

6
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,722
It's good for their feathers.

7
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:49,458
Hmm. Well, that explains my
foot fungus that won't go away.

8
00:01:17,019 --> 00:01:20,414
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

9
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,581
A hundred days since he
escaped from the Seattle Zoo,

10
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:26,106
Oreo, the penguin is still missing.

11
00:01:26,130 --> 00:01:28,413
Will he ever make it back
to his enclosure to reunite

12
00:01:28,437 --> 00:01:30,980
with his wife, Patty, and unborn child?

13
00:01:31,004 --> 00:01:33,592
I suppose that's up to Seattle
Animal Control,

14
00:01:33,616 --> 00:01:35,594
who've still been unable to find him.

15
00:01:35,618 --> 00:01:37,291
TJ, back to you.

16
00:01:37,315 --> 00:01:38,771
That's not news.

17
00:01:38,795 --> 00:01:40,628
Uh, handsome public servant

18
00:01:40,652 --> 00:01:43,707
who could pass for early 30s
searches for lost animal.

19
00:01:43,731 --> 00:01:46,257
That's a story. I can't stand this.

20
00:01:46,281 --> 00:01:47,606
We're a laughing stock.

21
00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:48,911
That penguin is a folk hero.

22
00:01:48,935 --> 00:01:50,696
People are saying he should
run for city council.

23
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:51,910
Well, people are idiots

24
00:01:51,934 --> 00:01:54,657
because we get at
least three hoax calls a week.

25
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,833
And since what we do here is
often ridiculous,

26
00:01:56,857 --> 00:01:58,748
hoaxes are impossible to detect.

27
00:01:58,772 --> 00:02:00,837
Yeah, I actually think the
hoaxes are kind of cute.

28
00:02:00,861 --> 00:02:03,056
I mean, massive waste of public funds,

29
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,188
but still cute.

30
00:02:04,212 --> 00:02:05,842
If you all are talking about Oreo,

31
00:02:05,866 --> 00:02:07,974
he is officially no longer our problem.

32
00:02:07,998 --> 00:02:10,237
We are turning over the case
to Fish and Game.

33
00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:11,282
The feds?

34
00:02:11,306 --> 00:02:12,413
No, absolutely not.

35
00:02:12,437 --> 00:02:14,502
No, absolutely yes. I just
spoke with Commandant Boyle.

36
00:02:14,526 --> 00:02:16,504
He's really tired of
all the bad coverage.

37
00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:18,245
Plus, honestly, I think
you're starting to take this

38
00:02:18,269 --> 00:02:19,950
- a little too personally.
- That's true.

39
00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,684
You've got to stop watching
all that penguin porn.

40
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,822
They're documentaries.
If you know how they mate,

41
00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:25,382
you know how they live, what they want.

42
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,298
Fish, right? Basically just fish.

43
00:02:27,322 --> 00:02:29,474
Just give me 24 hours.
I'll get the whole precinct on it.

44
00:02:29,498 --> 00:02:31,302
Can't. We're going to Canada.

45
00:02:31,326 --> 00:02:33,260
Oh, we're not just going to Canada.

46
00:02:33,284 --> 00:02:35,958
We are flying private to Canada.

47
00:02:35,982 --> 00:02:38,613
What? They get to fly
international on a PJ.

48
00:02:38,637 --> 00:02:39,876
They are taking home a Pomeranian

49
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:41,573
who ran away from the Seattle dog show.

50
00:02:41,597 --> 00:02:43,254
Yeah, hey. So I've been
thinking about that.

51
00:02:43,278 --> 00:02:45,359
We should drive
carbon footprint and all.

52
00:02:45,383 --> 00:02:47,404
If Brigadoon's rich owner
wants to pay for a private jet.

53
00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:48,536
I say we let her.

54
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,670
Or she could pay for
gas for a car. I just have...

55
00:02:51,694 --> 00:02:53,716
I have, like, a slight fear of
small planes.

56
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,089
Give me an Airbus

57
00:02:55,113 --> 00:02:57,502
or an A380 or a 777, and I'm good.

58
00:02:57,526 --> 00:02:59,809
You are going to be fine.

59
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,680
I've got this Michelin Star
sushi restaurant

60
00:03:01,704 --> 00:03:02,985
picked out in Vancouver.

61
00:03:03,009 --> 00:03:04,857
I skipped breakfast in preparation.

62
00:03:04,881 --> 00:03:07,033
I will need the receipts
for all your expenses.

63
00:03:07,057 --> 00:03:09,819
Just the professional ones,
not the Patel-related ones.

64
00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:12,125
Yeah, this is going to be
the best mini vacation

65
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:13,257
of all time.

66
00:03:13,281 --> 00:03:14,954
Okay, while you're all jaw-jacking,

67
00:03:14,978 --> 00:03:17,522
an injustice is being perpetrated.

68
00:03:17,546 --> 00:03:19,742
Our precinct, that
I'm the public face of,

69
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:22,353
is having its lunch eaten
by a waddling madman.

70
00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:23,963
Frank, it's not about how we look,

71
00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:25,922
It's about finding the best
way to bring Oreo home safely

72
00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:28,730
- to his partner and their egg.
- Bring him home? Sure.

73
00:03:28,754 --> 00:03:31,797
Safely? Well, we'll see how
rough this penguin wants to tango.

74
00:03:31,821 --> 00:03:34,321
Okay. If no one has any
further rantings,

75
00:03:34,345 --> 00:03:36,278
I think this meeting is over.

76
00:03:44,094 --> 00:03:46,769
Why are heavy things being
hidden from me?

77
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,378
Shred, get over here,
I'm gonna throw you.

78
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:49,546
All right.

79
00:03:50,884 --> 00:03:52,296
Fish and Game.

80
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,602
Must be nice to only focus on
two kinds of animals.

81
00:03:54,626 --> 00:03:55,995
Emily sold us out.

82
00:03:56,019 --> 00:03:58,606
Emily didn't sell us out.
Her boss made the call.

83
00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,608
Bureaucracy sold us out, Frank.

84
00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,567
You know they have a truck
that turns into a boat.

85
00:04:02,591 --> 00:04:04,134
They're gonna find Oreo like that.

86
00:04:04,158 --> 00:04:06,066
I don't know how a truck boat
makes it that much easier,

87
00:04:06,091 --> 00:04:07,137
but okay.

88
00:04:07,161 --> 00:04:08,399
Truck 12.

89
00:04:08,423 --> 00:04:10,880
Report of a penguin sighting
1223 Briarcrest.

90
00:04:10,904 --> 00:04:11,985
Oh.

91
00:04:12,009 --> 00:04:13,578
Hey, Truck 12 responding.

92
00:04:13,602 --> 00:04:15,057
We are no longer taking penguin calls.

93
00:04:15,081 --> 00:04:16,320
Please route to Fish and Game.

94
00:04:16,344 --> 00:04:18,495
Frank! Frank! Frank!

95
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,889
That is city property!

96
00:04:19,913 --> 00:04:21,020
We're taking the call.

97
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:23,196
Dude, no. Emily said that we can't.

98
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:25,024
Oh, Emily said this. Emily said that.

99
00:04:25,048 --> 00:04:27,722
Being short and a kiss ass,
not a good look.

100
00:04:27,746 --> 00:04:30,116
Okay, I'm sorry we're not
all Nordic giants like you.

101
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,857
And your mind-games won't
work on me, man.

102
00:04:31,881 --> 00:04:35,145
Oh, my mind games won't work?
Think about breathing.

103
00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:38,820
We're going.

104
00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:41,729
Champagne?

105
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,643
Keep them coming.

106
00:04:44,938 --> 00:04:46,567
How does this plane work?

107
00:04:46,591 --> 00:04:48,961
Like, how does it stay up in the air?

108
00:04:48,985 --> 00:04:50,876
Also, can I get an oxygen mask, please?

109
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,529
One of the ones that you
were talking about

110
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:53,792
when you did the... Great. Thanks.

111
00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:55,272
Can you relax?

112
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,440
Even this anxious little furball
is having a good ride.

113
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,928
That's because Brigadoon
doesn't know that

114
00:04:58,952 --> 00:05:00,736
we're about to die.

115
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,064
Babe, we're finally living.
This is where it all happens.

116
00:05:05,088 --> 00:05:07,893
Where the game gets rigged,
the table gets set.

117
00:05:07,917 --> 00:05:10,156
The rich... get richer.

118
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:12,506
Right, yeah.
It's just you, me, and a dog.

119
00:05:12,530 --> 00:05:14,813
May I offer you a selection of
Vancouver's finest Gouda?

120
00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:15,814
Mm.

121
00:05:15,838 --> 00:05:18,121
I am a cheese man,

122
00:05:18,145 --> 00:05:21,231
but I've got a lunch
date with a Michelin Star.

123
00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:23,300
Yes, please.

124
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:27,043
Gouda and prosciutto,
say hello to benzodiazepine.

125
00:05:27,067 --> 00:05:28,522
This flight's only an hour.

126
00:05:28,546 --> 00:05:30,701
You take all those now, you're
going to be useless when we land.

127
00:05:30,726 --> 00:05:31,656
If we land.

128
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,310
You're stressing him out.

129
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,442
No pills, but I will have champagne.

130
00:05:35,466 --> 00:05:37,140
I'm gonna have the rest
of that champagne.

131
00:05:37,164 --> 00:05:39,697
You can bring the bottle, that's fine.

132
00:05:40,297 --> 00:05:42,014
Come on, it's a black and white
bird of the nunnery.

133
00:05:42,038 --> 00:05:43,276
It's another hoax, Frank.

134
00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:45,626
You know, there once
was a pretty cool dude

135
00:05:45,650 --> 00:05:48,183
everyone else thought was a hoax, too.

136
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:51,421
Criss Angel Mindfreak.

137
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,461
Can I help you, gentlemen?

138
00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:55,985
Hi, Sister.
We're here about the penguin.

139
00:05:56,009 --> 00:05:58,813
The penguin? Is that some sort of joke?

140
00:05:58,837 --> 00:06:00,990
No, Sister. We're with
Seattle Animal Control.

141
00:06:01,014 --> 00:06:02,513
And this is how you present yourself.

142
00:06:02,537 --> 00:06:04,137
Shirttails untucked.

143
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,125
Sorry. We just... We got a...

144
00:06:06,149 --> 00:06:08,214
Goodness, stand up straight.

145
00:06:08,238 --> 00:06:10,651
And I see the devil has had
his way with your hair.

146
00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,871
Boy, I hope you two don't
break into song.

147
00:06:12,895 --> 00:06:15,004
Just a little light Catholic
school flashbacks.

148
00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:16,526
It's definitely not traumatizing.

149
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:17,694
Hey.

150
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:19,451
You guys here about the penguin?

151
00:06:19,475 --> 00:06:20,857
He's over by the fountain.

152
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,255
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

153
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,056
Oh. I should have trusted
my cop instincts.

154
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,813
Always head straight
to the groundskeeper.

155
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,313
Oreo! I'm coming.

156
00:06:30,130 --> 00:06:31,330
Oh, we got him.

157
00:06:31,914 --> 00:06:33,936
Finally got that son of a bitch.

158
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,712
Ow.

159
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:38,290
I didn't even say it, he said it.

160
00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:45,928
Ahhhhh!!!!!

161
00:06:46,494 --> 00:06:48,733
Cara, you slag, get back here!!!

162
00:06:48,757 --> 00:06:50,126
Why is it going like this?!

163
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:52,041
We're just experiencing
some slight turbulence.

164
00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:54,173
It's nothing to worry about, all right?

165
00:06:54,197 --> 00:06:56,090
Ahhhh!!!!!

166
00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:57,481
Cara's in on it.

167
00:06:57,505 --> 00:06:59,962
It's fine. Everything's great actually.

168
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,575
There's no screaming kids.

169
00:07:01,599 --> 00:07:02,583
You know what you gotta do

170
00:07:02,607 --> 00:07:03,941
is try that hand lotion in the bathroom.

171
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,543
These sausages have never been softer.

172
00:07:05,567 --> 00:07:06,683
Yeah, everything's so great

173
00:07:06,707 --> 00:07:08,622
why'd you put the little dog
in the safety box?

174
00:07:08,646 --> 00:07:10,326
You mean the dog crate?

175
00:07:10,739 --> 00:07:12,713
What? What are you doing?
Get back in there!

176
00:07:12,737 --> 00:07:14,063
Who's driving the plane?

177
00:07:14,087 --> 00:07:15,978
You're just gonna skip past
the baby part?

178
00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,631
Mom and dad got booked
on the same flight.

179
00:07:17,655 --> 00:07:20,388
Childcare fell through.
You know the deal.

180
00:07:21,224 --> 00:07:22,810
- Turbulence is about to pick up.
- Okay.

181
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,573
Just need two hands on the yoke there.

182
00:07:24,597 --> 00:07:25,762
Okay.

183
00:07:26,186 --> 00:07:27,250
Turbulen...

184
00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:29,165
Somebody's always fussy at 40,000 feet.

185
00:07:29,189 --> 00:07:30,644
What's that in meters, Cara?!

186
00:07:30,668 --> 00:07:31,689
Relax, it's like 10.

187
00:07:31,713 --> 00:07:32,864
- Liar. Give me.
- Yeah.

188
00:07:32,888 --> 00:07:33,965
I'm gonna need that.

189
00:07:33,989 --> 00:07:35,020
Okay.

190
00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:38,242
Shouldn't have brought the baby.

191
00:07:39,112 --> 00:07:43,700
One hundred days, six hours,
44 minutes...

192
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:45,702
Forty-five now, approximately.

193
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,096
That's how long we've been chasing this

194
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,619
oily, flightless bird.

195
00:07:48,643 --> 00:07:49,707
I'm impressed the little dude

196
00:07:49,731 --> 00:07:51,100
made it this long in the big city.

197
00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:53,953
My first month here, I was a wreck.

198
00:07:57,739 --> 00:07:59,419
We've been made. Get him!

199
00:07:59,784 --> 00:08:01,144
Sorry, I'm sorry.

200
00:08:07,227 --> 00:08:10,684
He may draw all men unto him,

201
00:08:10,708 --> 00:08:12,642
and give them eternal life.

202
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,297
Behold the lamb.

203
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:15,863
You take the side,
I'll go up the middle.

204
00:08:15,887 --> 00:08:17,953
Wash away the sins of the world.

205
00:08:17,977 --> 00:08:19,215
Don't blame us.

206
00:08:19,239 --> 00:08:21,218
It's the fault of one
of God's creatures.

207
00:08:21,242 --> 00:08:22,401
Sorry.

208
00:08:22,425 --> 00:08:23,865
Peace be with you.

209
00:08:26,681 --> 00:08:28,615
- Where'd he go?
- He must have slipped under the pew.

210
00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:29,739
I'm on it!

211
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,404
Hurry! He's heading for the altar.

212
00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:35,528
Oh!

213
00:08:40,825 --> 00:08:42,064
What are you waiting for?

214
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,891
Last time I desecrated an altar,

215
00:08:43,915 --> 00:08:46,155
they made me write the Lord's
Prayer a thousand times.

216
00:08:46,179 --> 00:08:47,859
Just do it, you sissy!

217
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:51,943
? Hallelujah ?

218
00:08:51,967 --> 00:08:53,162
- Damn.
- ? Hallelujah ?

219
00:08:53,186 --> 00:08:55,186
That was much better than sex.

220
00:08:56,754 --> 00:08:58,434
Well, you can imagine.

221
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:04,782
Hey, Cara, do we have a binky for him?

222
00:09:04,806 --> 00:09:06,240
Cara!

223
00:09:06,264 --> 00:09:08,177
Hey, folks, this is your pilot speaking.

224
00:09:08,201 --> 00:09:10,266
We're encountering some rough
weather over the Cascades.

225
00:09:10,290 --> 00:09:11,963
Yeah, we've been circling
for over an hour.

226
00:09:11,987 --> 00:09:13,776
Unfortunately, we will have
to touch down in Boise.

227
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,098
What? Idaho. We're going to Idaho.

228
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,995
That's the opposite direction!

229
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,494
Ground transport will be provided

230
00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:20,711
to your final destination.

231
00:09:20,735 --> 00:09:23,540
Sorry, Is that a black car or a limo?

232
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,218
Fancy party bus?

233
00:09:27,089 --> 00:09:29,720
We lost a penguin. We found a penguin.

234
00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:31,113
It's an epic tale for the ages.

235
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,679
Feels good man.

236
00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:34,899
I mean, I'm realizing I have
quite a bit of school trauma

237
00:09:34,923 --> 00:09:36,465
I need to unpack one day,

238
00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:39,356
but still, it's nice
to get a win, you know?

239
00:09:42,278 --> 00:09:44,256
- Uh-huh.
- Emily, what's black and white

240
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,605
and caged in the back of the truck?

241
00:09:45,629 --> 00:09:46,650
Are you drunk?

242
00:09:46,674 --> 00:09:47,781
'Cause you sound a little drunk.

243
00:09:47,805 --> 00:09:49,261
We got Oreo.

244
00:09:49,285 --> 00:09:53,178
Really? Uh, that's... that's great.

245
00:09:53,202 --> 00:09:54,875
Let's save the 'that's great' platitudes

246
00:09:54,899 --> 00:09:56,225
for photos of your friends' kids

247
00:09:56,249 --> 00:09:58,400
What I did today was astonishing.

248
00:09:58,424 --> 00:09:59,836
I'm glad that he's safe.

249
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,361
But you also totally defied my orders.

250
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:04,146
Yeah, well, orders are meant
to be defied, Chief.

251
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:08,019
I'm an iconoclast, a renegade,
and I just put on sunglasses.

252
00:10:08,043 --> 00:10:09,194
Yeah, he does look really cool.

253
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:11,109
But to be clear, I was against the whole

254
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,242
renegade, iconoclast... thing.

255
00:10:13,266 --> 00:10:14,765
All right. Well, tell me
you guys at least

256
00:10:14,789 --> 00:10:16,430
got some footage that we
could send to the news.

257
00:10:16,455 --> 00:10:18,073
Well, I got a selfie
with the bird and I,

258
00:10:18,097 --> 00:10:19,465
but it reads a little Guantanamo.

259
00:10:19,489 --> 00:10:21,337
Okay, well, we're probably
not going to use that.

260
00:10:21,361 --> 00:10:23,339
The body cam footage is no good either.

261
00:10:23,363 --> 00:10:24,687
Catch pole was blocking Franks,

262
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,386
and then mine fogged up
from all my hot wheezing

263
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:29,954
because it was a very
exciting afternoon.

264
00:10:29,978 --> 00:10:32,160
Look, if you need a pull quote
for the press release,

265
00:10:32,184 --> 00:10:34,350
I've been noodling some,
with Jack London quotes

266
00:10:34,374 --> 00:10:36,170
- and without.
- Great.

267
00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:39,398
Hello?

268
00:10:39,422 --> 00:10:41,008
I'm surprised she wasn't more psyched.

269
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:44,011
Well, I think she'd be more psyched
if we had caught it on film.

270
00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:46,144
What's that face?
I don't trust that face.

271
00:10:46,168 --> 00:10:47,449
You can't wait for inspiration.

272
00:10:47,473 --> 00:10:48,973
You have to go after it with a club.

273
00:10:48,997 --> 00:10:50,061
Jack London.

274
00:10:50,085 --> 00:10:52,218
We should not club that penguin.

275
00:10:56,874 --> 00:10:59,070
Whoa! This is nice.

276
00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:00,374
It's disgusting.

277
00:11:00,748 --> 00:11:03,723
No offense to anyone who paid
to be on this bus.

278
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:04,945
Excuse me.

279
00:11:04,969 --> 00:11:06,860
Where are we going again?

280
00:11:06,884 --> 00:11:08,429
How many pills have you taken?

281
00:11:08,453 --> 00:11:10,019
A baker's dozen.

282
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,237
You're officially a liability.

283
00:11:14,022 --> 00:11:15,122
All right.

284
00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:17,871
Three and a half hours till you're home.

285
00:11:17,895 --> 00:11:20,762
And I'm eating the best sushi
I've ever had.

286
00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:23,665
We can do this.

287
00:11:31,387 --> 00:11:32,487
Perfect.

288
00:11:32,997 --> 00:11:34,149
Thanks for calling.

289
00:11:34,173 --> 00:11:35,482
Normally, we don't stage news footage,

290
00:11:35,506 --> 00:11:37,021
but stories about animals, assaults

291
00:11:37,045 --> 00:11:38,414
and attempted murder
are good for ratings.

292
00:11:38,438 --> 00:11:39,806
Now, obviously, Oreo is the star,

293
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,504
but I think this story

294
00:11:41,528 --> 00:11:44,128
should really be played out on my face.

295
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,812
I'm not sure about this, Frank.

296
00:11:45,836 --> 00:11:47,988
Who cares if we caught Oreo
on camera or not.

297
00:11:48,012 --> 00:11:49,294
To recreate it is meaningless.

298
00:11:49,318 --> 00:11:50,861
And don't even get me started

299
00:11:50,885 --> 00:11:52,297
on the journalistic ethics of this.

300
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,386
This is our only chance
to take back the narrative.

301
00:11:54,410 --> 00:11:55,685
Do you still want people calling you

302
00:11:55,709 --> 00:11:57,591
a potato face waterslide stooge?

303
00:11:57,615 --> 00:11:58,782
It's my first time hearing that.

304
00:11:58,806 --> 00:12:01,001
But, yeah, I mean, I'd like it to stop.

305
00:12:01,025 --> 00:12:02,705
Okay, then you're in.

306
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:09,445
All right, roll it.

307
00:12:09,469 --> 00:12:11,273
Emily would not be cool with this.

308
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:12,448
You need to stop being so naive.

309
00:12:12,472 --> 00:12:15,842
The economy runs on fake animal footage.

310
00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:17,540
Frank... Oreo's gone.

311
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:18,813
Oh, that was a really great read.

312
00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:20,282
Frank, he's gone.

313
00:12:27,051 --> 00:12:28,151
Oreo!

314
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,748
- Frank, go, go, go.
- Excuse me.

315
00:12:33,773 --> 00:12:35,688
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Do you see a penguin?

316
00:12:35,712 --> 00:12:37,124
Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me.

317
00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:38,828
Excuse me. Excuse me.

318
00:12:41,892 --> 00:12:43,522
Of all the animals that end my career.

319
00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:46,213
I didn't think it was gonna be
a penguin.

320
00:12:47,115 --> 00:12:48,915
You accepting applications?

321
00:12:52,599 --> 00:12:55,360
Seattle celebrity Penguin Oreo
was spotted today,

322
00:12:55,384 --> 00:12:57,101
but he won't be going back to the zoo.

323
00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,580
God, is that how I run?

324
00:12:58,604 --> 00:13:01,192
This is not the first time
Animal Control

325
00:13:01,216 --> 00:13:04,836
has failed to capture Oreo,
making this reporter wonder,

326
00:13:04,959 --> 00:13:08,031
should this case be handed over
to Fish and Game.

327
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,767
I mentioned the Fish and Game
thing off the record.

328
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,072
I'm speechless.

329
00:13:12,096 --> 00:13:13,422
I just want to say

330
00:13:13,446 --> 00:13:15,119
that everyone was on board
for the reenactment.

331
00:13:15,143 --> 00:13:16,251
Except Oreo.

332
00:13:16,275 --> 00:13:18,252
And me. I was never on board.

333
00:13:18,276 --> 00:13:20,385
The principals were on board,
meaning me.

334
00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:21,865
Well, whatever. It doesn't matter now.

335
00:13:21,889 --> 00:13:23,692
Commandant Boyle wants to see me
'cause I'm in trouble.

336
00:13:23,716 --> 00:13:26,435
And all I do is work my tush
off for this precinct.

337
00:13:26,459 --> 00:13:27,914
I'm sorry to swear, but it's true.

338
00:13:27,938 --> 00:13:29,307
I mean, I have managed a zoo break.

339
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:30,917
I have raised money for a new kennel,

340
00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:32,963
which maybe is now in
jeopardy after all of this.

341
00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:35,139
I even sneak into this office
on the weekends

342
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:37,489
to clean what the janitorial
staff has missed.

343
00:13:37,513 --> 00:13:39,012
Yeah, well, nobody can get the grout

344
00:13:39,036 --> 00:13:40,275
with a toothbrush like you.

345
00:13:40,299 --> 00:13:41,624
Don't suck up to me.

346
00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:43,756
'Cause the only time my boss
wants to see me is

347
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,845
because you two knuckleheads
have done something stupid.

348
00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:47,760
And do you know what happens
when I get yelled at?

349
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:48,979
You cry.

350
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:50,937
No, that's so insulting and sexist. No.

351
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:52,199
Maybe just let her talk.

352
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:55,071
I panic sweat, okay? Like a sprinkler.

353
00:13:55,095 --> 00:13:56,595
They used to call me
two shirts at school.

354
00:13:56,619 --> 00:13:57,988
Oh, my God, it's starting already.

355
00:13:58,012 --> 00:13:59,095
Emily, I'm really sorry.

356
00:13:59,119 --> 00:14:00,908
We never meant for any of this
to blow back on you.

357
00:14:00,932 --> 00:14:02,915
You are both hosing out cages
for the rest of the week.

358
00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:04,211
Just get out of here.

359
00:14:04,235 --> 00:14:05,517
Oh, God. Did I get you?

360
00:14:05,541 --> 00:14:06,605
Yep. You got me.

361
00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:08,208
That's all right.
That's a little friendly fire.

362
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:09,173
We deserve that.

363
00:14:09,197 --> 00:14:11,001
- Yeah, sorry.
- Wow.

364
00:14:11,025 --> 00:14:13,225
Just leave. Why am I apologizing?

365
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,486
You get that cab receipt for Emily?

366
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:20,096
I just threw up in Brigadoon.
Mom's powder room.

367
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,316
You're lucky I'm still standing.

368
00:14:21,340 --> 00:14:22,751
You know what?

369
00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:25,911
All that matters right now
is we are finally here.

370
00:14:30,131 --> 00:14:31,326
No.

371
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:32,450
No, no!

372
00:14:33,221 --> 00:14:36,069
Hello? Patel. Party of two.

373
00:14:36,093 --> 00:14:38,158
Patel! Party of two!

374
00:14:38,182 --> 00:14:41,074
Looks like they close
at 3:00 p.m. on Wednesdays.

375
00:14:41,098 --> 00:14:43,076
No, that wasn't on the website.

376
00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:45,383
It doesn't say that on the website!

377
00:14:45,407 --> 00:14:49,629
Brigadoon!!!

378
00:14:53,667 --> 00:14:55,811
Fish and Game guys
had to bring their boat truck

379
00:14:55,835 --> 00:14:57,635
just to get the Oreo files.

380
00:14:58,724 --> 00:15:01,486
Oh, real class act. Dicks!

381
00:15:01,510 --> 00:15:04,044
Yeah, you know, if we had one
of those amphibious vehicles,

382
00:15:04,068 --> 00:15:05,316
we'd get them like that...

383
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:07,143
We did catch them like that.

384
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,667
And then you let them go.

385
00:15:08,691 --> 00:15:11,409
And now, we have to hose down
Great Dane doo doo.

386
00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:13,411
Okay, you know I hate
that word. Just say leavings.

387
00:15:13,435 --> 00:15:14,586
I don't want to say leavings.

388
00:15:14,610 --> 00:15:16,018
I want to cute it up.

389
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:17,459
And, if you don't mind my saying

390
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:19,504
you've acted like
a real piece of doo doo.

391
00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:22,028
Whoa! You know,
Sister Carol Ann's not here,

392
00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:23,247
so you can talk like a grown-up.

393
00:15:23,271 --> 00:15:24,726
Great, I will.

394
00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:26,555
You completely hung Emily out to dry

395
00:15:26,579 --> 00:15:28,164
and pardon my French,

396
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,559
but she works her tush off
for this precinct.

397
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,474
I mean, she managed the zoo break,

398
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,040
she raised money for a new kennel,

399
00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:35,842
she even sneaks into
the office on the weekends.

400
00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:37,311
Okay, you're just repeating
what Emily said.

401
00:15:37,335 --> 00:15:39,045
She's a great supervisor, man.

402
00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:42,440
But right now, all her boss
thinks is that she's the dummy

403
00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:44,137
who hired the two bigger dummies

404
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,488
who lost Oreo... twice.

405
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:49,491
So, if you could please
just shut up for once

406
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,615
and hose.

407
00:16:03,659 --> 00:16:05,332
You know, you're a lot more fun

408
00:16:05,356 --> 00:16:07,356
when you put me on a pedestal.

409
00:16:09,658 --> 00:16:11,499
_

410
00:16:11,524 --> 00:16:12,624
Next.

411
00:16:14,148 --> 00:16:15,342
Today has been a nightmare.

412
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:17,475
Really? I feel so well-rested.

413
00:16:17,499 --> 00:16:18,781
I can't believe I'm saying this

414
00:16:18,805 --> 00:16:20,609
because Danny's got two ear infections,

415
00:16:20,633 --> 00:16:22,915
but I'm just excited to go home.

416
00:16:22,939 --> 00:16:24,439
- Next.
- Oh, here we go.

417
00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:27,920
- Passports.
- Yes, I have one. It's American.

418
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:29,138
I'm a citizen.

419
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,358
Land of the free.

420
00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:32,477
Well, not always, but most of...

421
00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:33,769
- Okay, thank you.
- You're good.

422
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:34,894
Oh, wait. Where's my fanny pack?

423
00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:36,791
- Hey.
- Where's my...

424
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,803
$300 cab. I left it in the $300 cab.

425
00:16:40,827 --> 00:16:42,587
My lumbar was chafing and I took it...

426
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,676
I told you not to wear that fanny pack.

427
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,635
For different reason, but still.

428
00:16:46,659 --> 00:16:49,629
Sir, I'm an officer of
the law. Well, kind of.

429
00:16:49,653 --> 00:16:52,011
Does Animal Control get
diplomatic privileges?

430
00:16:52,035 --> 00:16:54,089
- No passport, no crossing.
- No, sorry.

431
00:16:54,113 --> 00:16:55,470
- Next.
- No, hey. Sorry. Hey.

432
00:16:55,494 --> 00:16:57,602
You don't understand, okay.

433
00:16:57,626 --> 00:17:00,213
I've had the worst... the worst day.

434
00:17:00,237 --> 00:17:02,128
I had to hold a baby on a private jet.

435
00:17:02,152 --> 00:17:04,217
- Next.
- And I didn't get my sushi.

436
00:17:04,241 --> 00:17:06,848
And then a bus child put gum on my hair.

437
00:17:06,872 --> 00:17:10,354
- Next.
- Excuse me. All I want is to go home.

438
00:17:10,378 --> 00:17:13,662
That's what I'm going to do.
I am going home.

439
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:15,489
And there's not a thing you

440
00:17:15,513 --> 00:17:18,841
or any of these fine men or
women can say to stop me.

441
00:17:19,692 --> 00:17:20,792
Patel, wait.

442
00:17:26,263 --> 00:17:28,503
I am dry, and cool and competent.

443
00:17:28,527 --> 00:17:30,964
I am dry and cool and competent.

444
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,053
Oh, no, I'm not.

445
00:17:35,142 --> 00:17:37,424
Emily, wait. There's been a miracle.

446
00:17:37,448 --> 00:17:38,469
What?

447
00:17:38,493 --> 00:17:40,166
I found Oreo.

448
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:41,254
No...

449
00:17:41,278 --> 00:17:43,779
I was just... I was trolling the
marshlands outside the nunnery,

450
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:44,997
and there he was.

451
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:48,218
Oh my God.
Oh, my God, you saved my life.

452
00:17:48,242 --> 00:17:50,437
It might be time to change
the shirt, too.

453
00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:51,830
Oh, this is shirt two.

454
00:17:51,854 --> 00:17:53,484
Then it's great.

455
00:17:53,508 --> 00:17:55,225
Who wants to lick the inside

456
00:17:55,249 --> 00:17:56,922
of a round little treat?

457
00:17:56,946 --> 00:17:59,272
What? Do you need a mental health day?

458
00:17:59,296 --> 00:18:00,976
Because I found Oreo.

459
00:18:01,734 --> 00:18:03,232
Oh my gosh, there's two of them.

460
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:05,714
Twins. What a twist.

461
00:18:05,738 --> 00:18:07,629
Oh, okay.

462
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,370
Okay, so neither of
these are Oreo, are they?

463
00:18:10,394 --> 00:18:11,807
- No.
- They are not, no.

464
00:18:11,831 --> 00:18:13,591
And do I want to know where
you two found penguins?

465
00:18:13,615 --> 00:18:15,018
- Steve's.
- Yeah, that was Steve's.

466
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:17,203
Steve's. Okay. Who's Steve?!

467
00:18:17,227 --> 00:18:19,335
He's got a bird sanctuary,
but he's totally above board.

468
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,121
Yeah, he's between licenses,
but a great dude.

469
00:18:22,145 --> 00:18:24,340
So... So, just so I'm clear,
you both disobeyed me.

470
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:25,864
And then as a fix,
you double disobeyed me

471
00:18:25,888 --> 00:18:27,343
with something that, by the way,

472
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:28,606
is never going to work.

473
00:18:28,630 --> 00:18:30,652
To be fair, it did kind of work on you,

474
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,523
so it'll definitely work on your boss.

475
00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:33,742
And you shouldn't get in trouble

476
00:18:33,766 --> 00:18:35,499
for something that we did.

477
00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:37,085
I did.

478
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:39,399
I just...

479
00:18:39,423 --> 00:18:42,011
I've never been so mad looking
at such cute animals.

480
00:18:42,035 --> 00:18:43,135
Emily.

481
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:44,753
Take a bird.

482
00:18:44,777 --> 00:18:46,363
Embrace the darkness.

483
00:18:46,387 --> 00:18:47,693
Be born again.

484
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,370
Okay, fine. I'm taking Shreds, though,

485
00:18:53,394 --> 00:18:55,074
because it seems lighter.

486
00:18:55,744 --> 00:18:56,831
Oh.

487
00:19:01,576 --> 00:19:03,902
How much did you pay Steve
for the penguin?

488
00:19:03,926 --> 00:19:05,294
Only if we say it at the same time.

489
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:08,080
Three. Two. One.

490
00:19:08,104 --> 00:19:09,784
- Free.
- Three hun...

491
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:11,984
Free. I was gonna say free.

492
00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:15,776
Hey.

493
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,612
Look what the cab driver dropped off.

494
00:19:17,636 --> 00:19:19,744
What? How did you find him?

495
00:19:19,768 --> 00:19:22,312
Okay, so I have no memory of
this, but, um,

496
00:19:22,336 --> 00:19:23,890
I guess I got his number.

497
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:25,271
Did you get the receipt?

498
00:19:25,295 --> 00:19:26,664
Shoot. No, I should have

499
00:19:26,688 --> 00:19:27,883
because it was another 300 bucks.

500
00:19:27,907 --> 00:19:29,057
No, you know what?

501
00:19:29,081 --> 00:19:30,842
This time, we should focus on the wins.

502
00:19:30,866 --> 00:19:33,515
- Let's go.
- Oh, also, I got you this.

503
00:19:33,539 --> 00:19:35,847
It's not sushi grade,
but it's packed full of oil.

504
00:19:35,871 --> 00:19:37,928
- And I know how much you love oil.
- Thank you.

505
00:19:37,952 --> 00:19:39,677
Do you think I have time
to eat this right now?

506
00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:41,636
Definitely, yeah. You should sit down.

507
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:42,737
Okay.

508
00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:46,289
So... we missed the last bus
for the night,

509
00:19:47,491 --> 00:19:49,558
and I will see you at 5:00 a.m.

510
00:19:55,064 --> 00:19:56,164
Oh, yeah.

511
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,865
Wild caught.

512
00:20:02,419 --> 00:20:04,019
Nope. That's farmed.

513
00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:10,752
I am so glad the zoo agreed
to host fake Oreo.

514
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,754
Yeah, yeah. I think it's a win-win.

515
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,450
They get a break from the bad press

516
00:20:14,474 --> 00:20:16,697
and we have time to find the real Oreo.

517
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:18,934
Wait, did you finish hosing the crates?

518
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,133
Absolutely.

519
00:20:21,438 --> 00:20:24,338
On a scale of 1 to 10,
how mad are you at me?

520
00:20:25,138 --> 00:20:26,333
Uh...

521
00:20:26,357 --> 00:20:27,638
three.

522
00:20:27,662 --> 00:20:29,378
Nice. Three.

523
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:30,902
It was a four.

524
00:20:30,926 --> 00:20:32,861
But then you loaned me your
shirt for my boss meeting.

525
00:20:32,885 --> 00:20:34,384
Oh, yeah. Of course I'm happy to

526
00:20:34,408 --> 00:20:35,889
and you can just... you can keep that.

527
00:20:35,914 --> 00:20:37,681
Yeah, I probably should.

528
00:20:38,891 --> 00:20:41,565
I don't know if Patty's
feeling the new guy.

529
00:20:41,589 --> 00:20:43,262
Yeah. It's natural.

530
00:20:43,286 --> 00:20:46,486
It's what happens when
you're not with your person.

531
00:20:49,553 --> 00:20:50,835
Hey, look at that.

532
00:20:50,859 --> 00:20:52,686
Awe.

533
00:20:53,869 --> 00:20:57,045
Ohh, we need to find a zookeeper ASAP.

534
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:58,075
- Yeah.
- Okay.

535
00:20:58,099 --> 00:20:59,199
Yes.

536
00:21:11,401 --> 00:21:12,378
Hey.

537
00:21:12,402 --> 00:21:14,628
- Hey.
- Nice work on that, penguin.

538
00:21:14,652 --> 00:21:16,078
Who? Oreo?

539
00:21:16,102 --> 00:21:17,883
Oh, well, we thought you
guys were going to botch it,

540
00:21:17,908 --> 00:21:19,385
so we took care of it ourselves.

541
00:21:19,409 --> 00:21:20,509
Respect.

542
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:22,780
Do you want to have lunch?

543
00:21:22,804 --> 00:21:23,825
Really?

544
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:25,914
Yeah, on that island over there.

545
00:21:25,938 --> 00:21:29,332
Oh, that's right... you can't.

546
00:21:32,509 --> 00:21:34,009
You know, we totally can.

547
00:21:34,033 --> 00:21:36,402
We just have to swim there,
but we had a big breakfast.

548
00:21:36,426 --> 00:21:37,490
We're not hungry.

549
00:21:37,514 --> 00:21:38,753
You think they're hiring?

550
00:21:38,777 --> 00:21:40,015
Why?

551
00:21:40,039 --> 00:21:42,017
I don't know, I just
like their uniforms.

552
00:21:42,041 --> 00:21:44,105
You know, they got earth tones

553
00:21:44,129 --> 00:21:45,273
I'm a summer.

554
00:21:48,961 --> 00:21:50,242
So cool.

555
00:21:50,266 --> 00:21:51,528
Really cool.

556
00:21:53,419 --> 00:21:55,048
I hate those guys.

557
00:21:55,073 --> 00:21:58,926
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com