1 00:00:07,665 --> 00:00:09,633 D'oh! 2 00:00:14,739 --> 00:00:16,776 _ 3 00:00:17,010 --> 00:00:18,741 _ 4 00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,505 - Here's your raise. - D'oh! 5 00:00:22,638 --> 00:00:28,607 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 6 00:00:29,185 --> 00:00:31,419 _ 7 00:00:31,956 --> 00:00:34,858 Light! Light! Light...! 8 00:00:34,893 --> 00:00:35,903 Light! 9 00:00:35,927 --> 00:00:37,694 - It's your turn to get up. - Light. 10 00:00:37,729 --> 00:00:40,163 Oh. I'll never understand how something 11 00:00:40,198 --> 00:00:43,767 that came from inside of you became my responsibility. 12 00:00:45,069 --> 00:00:47,604 - Mm. - Out! 13 00:00:47,639 --> 00:00:49,273 Light! 14 00:00:49,307 --> 00:00:51,642 Daddy. Breakfast. 15 00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:53,710 Geez, this kid's kind of smart. 16 00:00:53,745 --> 00:00:55,112 Tuesday. 17 00:00:55,146 --> 00:00:56,246 Au-Autumn. 18 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:58,282 - She's a genius. - Foliage. 19 00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,884 Like the guy who invented shoes with lights in them. 20 00:01:00,919 --> 00:01:02,686 Cornucopia? _ 21 00:01:03,955 --> 00:01:07,224 Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise you're awesome. 22 00:01:07,258 --> 00:01:10,494 We didn't have to pull you out by the elbow, like the boy. 23 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:11,995 Mwah. 24 00:01:14,299 --> 00:01:15,332 D'oh! 25 00:01:19,129 --> 00:01:20,772 _ 26 00:01:20,773 --> 00:01:22,906 Harvard College, admissions essay. 27 00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:24,875 Lisa M. Simpson. 28 00:01:24,909 --> 00:01:27,311 I was born with one great advantage in life... 29 00:01:27,345 --> 00:01:29,947 A voice that would make a rhino stick its horn up its butt? 30 00:01:29,981 --> 00:01:32,149 Rhinos are extinct, nimrod. 31 00:01:32,183 --> 00:01:34,952 Not hippos. I just saw one in smelly, blue pants. 32 00:01:34,986 --> 00:01:36,086 Why you little... 33 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,956 I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home. 34 00:01:38,990 --> 00:01:41,058 - Oh, man. - Why you disappointing... 35 00:01:41,092 --> 00:01:43,293 You know you're choking someone who can vote. 36 00:01:43,328 --> 00:01:45,162 - But did you vote? - No. 37 00:01:45,196 --> 00:01:47,130 - Why you little... - Oh, come on, man. 38 00:01:47,165 --> 00:01:49,499 not voting fascist-enabling... 39 00:01:50,868 --> 00:01:54,137 Must stop President Kid Rock. 40 00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:57,074 I was born with one great advantage, 41 00:01:57,108 --> 00:02:00,110 a family that never made anything easy. 42 00:02:00,144 --> 00:02:02,713 Never more than on my seventh birthday. 43 00:02:06,618 --> 00:02:08,318 It's my birthday! _ 44 00:02:08,353 --> 00:02:09,753 Seven years old! 45 00:02:09,787 --> 00:02:12,956 I'll wear my favorite blue dress. 46 00:02:12,991 --> 00:02:15,125 I'll wear red, just for today. 47 00:02:15,159 --> 00:02:16,627 It's my birthday. 48 00:02:16,661 --> 00:02:18,729 I want bacon! 49 00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,932 Shh! 50 00:02:21,966 --> 00:02:23,934 I can't get Maggie to sleep. 51 00:02:23,968 --> 00:02:27,404 I guess I'll just have to start using these. 52 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,940 _ 53 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:32,442 Whoa, okay, okay. That's enough for now. _ 54 00:02:32,477 --> 00:02:35,712 Geez, come on. _ 55 00:02:38,082 --> 00:02:40,584 Don't make me put you under warm water. 56 00:02:42,186 --> 00:02:43,353 I give up. 57 00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:47,357 _ 58 00:02:47,392 --> 00:02:49,192 Anyone have anything to say to me? 59 00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:52,029 Well, of course, honey. 60 00:02:52,063 --> 00:02:53,574 Get ready for school or you'll be late. 61 00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:56,967 Oy, this baby. 62 00:02:57,001 --> 00:03:00,070 Lisa, sweetie, I know why you're excited. 63 00:03:00,104 --> 00:03:02,105 This is a very big day. 64 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,640 Happy... 65 00:03:03,675 --> 00:03:06,309 hour at Moe's was extended by an hour. 66 00:03:06,344 --> 00:03:08,045 - Wh-What? - Mwah. 67 00:03:22,093 --> 00:03:25,996 Class, today is a very special day. _ 68 00:03:26,030 --> 00:03:27,964 It's someone's birthday. 69 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,534 Someone whose parents pretended to forget. 70 00:03:30,568 --> 00:03:31,802 Yes. 71 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,971 And that someone is... Hubert Wong. 72 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,007 Happy birthday, superstar. 73 00:03:38,743 --> 00:03:42,412 Lisa, please don't ruin Hubert's birthday. 74 00:03:42,447 --> 00:03:44,748 You wouldn't like it if someone ruined yours. 75 00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:50,420 I am sorry, but if you can't control yourself, 76 00:03:50,455 --> 00:03:52,255 I'll have to send you to the office. 77 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:57,027 But you saying that makes me wants to cry more. 78 00:04:04,268 --> 00:04:05,702 Mmm! 79 00:04:05,737 --> 00:04:08,772 No, Hubert. No cupcake for her. 80 00:04:11,462 --> 00:04:13,811 _ 81 00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:16,546 Lisa, school is a place for sitting quietly. 82 00:04:16,581 --> 00:04:17,948 What about learning? 83 00:04:17,982 --> 00:04:20,083 No longer part of our mandate. 84 00:04:20,118 --> 00:04:22,252 Did your mom ever disappoint you? 85 00:04:22,286 --> 00:04:24,054 This isn't about mother, 86 00:04:24,088 --> 00:04:25,956 so don't say a mother word about her. 87 00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:28,191 Don't you dare, Mother, don't you dare. 88 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,260 Ah. It's just me, a student. 89 00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:33,730 I can't hear you, Mother. 90 00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:38,902 She's everywhere and everyone. 91 00:04:38,936 --> 00:04:42,305 I'm everywhere because you're nothing. 92 00:04:43,808 --> 00:04:45,942 Thanks for getting me out of work, sweetie. 93 00:04:45,977 --> 00:04:48,178 - Want the rest of my donut? - No, sir. 94 00:04:48,212 --> 00:04:49,780 What? 95 00:04:49,814 --> 00:04:51,782 Aw, please tell me what's wrong. 96 00:04:51,816 --> 00:04:54,785 I can't tell you. You just have to know. 97 00:04:54,819 --> 00:04:57,154 - Would tickling help matters? - No. 98 00:04:57,188 --> 00:04:59,189 Well, that's really all I have in my toolbox. 99 00:04:59,223 --> 00:05:02,058 Okay, let me think. What's today? Tuesday? 100 00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,126 Yes. 101 00:05:03,161 --> 00:05:08,231 That would make you six years and 365 days old. 102 00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,267 Yes. 103 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,101 It's your birthday! 104 00:05:11,135 --> 00:05:13,370 And you forgot it, Lisa. 105 00:05:13,404 --> 00:05:16,006 But because it's your birthday, I forgive you. 106 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,308 And you're gonna have the best day ever. 107 00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:19,976 Optimism, you're back. 108 00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:24,915 Attention, world. 109 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:28,852 It's little Lisa's birthday, and you all forgot. 110 00:05:28,886 --> 00:05:30,587 Not me. 111 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:33,089 Now I suppose I got to get your kid something. 112 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,925 Just remember them in your prayers. 113 00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:37,027 Both of them? Fine. 114 00:05:37,061 --> 00:05:42,666 ? Happy birthday, dear Lisa ? 115 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:47,337 ? Happy birthday to you ? 116 00:05:47,371 --> 00:05:50,040 ? We all forgot. ? 117 00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:56,046 And all was well, until the next year, 118 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,581 when they forgot again. 119 00:05:57,615 --> 00:05:59,049 I mean, really, two in a row? 120 00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:01,184 Even Luigi remembers it. 121 00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:03,353 Well, we have-a the same-a birthday. 122 00:06:03,387 --> 00:06:07,023 Makes it easy. You, me, and Hubert Wong. 123 00:06:07,058 --> 00:06:10,794 That's a-right, Hubert. Cupcake for her. 124 00:06:14,135 --> 00:06:15,588 As I got older 125 00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:18,605 I realized, as all must, 126 00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:21,441 that my parents were not demigods. 127 00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,711 You are going to die soon. 128 00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:25,912 Shut up. 129 00:06:25,947 --> 00:06:27,391 You are going to die soon. 130 00:06:27,415 --> 00:06:28,582 Shut up. 131 00:06:28,616 --> 00:06:30,250 Blood pressure spiking. 132 00:06:30,284 --> 00:06:31,651 Shut up! 133 00:06:31,686 --> 00:06:34,321 Calling your doctor. 134 00:06:34,355 --> 00:06:36,089 Hello? 135 00:06:36,123 --> 00:06:37,457 Shut up! 136 00:06:37,492 --> 00:06:39,125 No, they are a man and a woman 137 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,428 trapped in a fragile marriage _ 138 00:06:41,462 --> 00:06:44,931 that nearly fell apart when I turned 14. 139 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,668 Happy birthday! Happy birthday! 140 00:06:48,703 --> 00:06:51,071 I remembered! Don't tell your therapist. 141 00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:54,174 ? Lisa, it's your birthday ? 142 00:06:54,208 --> 00:06:57,544 ? Here's five brand-new verses ? 143 00:06:57,578 --> 00:07:01,114 ? Soon you'll be a woman ? 144 00:07:01,148 --> 00:07:03,917 ? Soon you'll be in love ? 145 00:07:03,951 --> 00:07:07,254 ? Who'd be better to take advice from ? 146 00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:10,046 ? Than a man who wears one glove? ? 147 00:07:10,047 --> 00:07:11,192 Hee-hee! 148 00:07:11,193 --> 00:07:14,594 ? Lisa, it's your birthday ? 149 00:07:14,629 --> 00:07:18,164 ? Happy birthday, Lisa ? 150 00:07:18,199 --> 00:07:21,301 ? Lisa, it's your birthday ? 151 00:07:21,335 --> 00:07:24,771 ? Happy birthday, Lisa. ? 152 00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:26,506 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 153 00:07:26,541 --> 00:07:29,175 Thank you. It's a wonderful cake, Dad, 154 00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:30,443 but I'm 14. 155 00:07:30,478 --> 00:07:31,478 D'oh! 156 00:07:33,814 --> 00:07:35,015 Happy birthday, Lisa. 157 00:07:35,049 --> 00:07:37,217 We miss you in second grade. 158 00:07:37,251 --> 00:07:40,186 Oh, someday you'll get out of there, Ralph. 159 00:07:40,221 --> 00:07:42,355 I don't want to. I'm bigger than teacher. 160 00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,958 I broke my desk. Teacher cry. 161 00:07:44,992 --> 00:07:48,228 I'm growing a mustache under my long nose. 162 00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:53,433 Better use Mom's closet. 163 00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:58,471 Oof. It's full? 164 00:08:02,343 --> 00:08:05,111 Read me. Read me. 165 00:08:05,146 --> 00:08:06,346 Come on, help a letter out. 166 00:08:08,883 --> 00:08:10,183 "Dear Homer, 167 00:08:10,217 --> 00:08:12,118 By the time you read this..." 168 00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:13,286 I will be gone. 169 00:08:13,321 --> 00:08:15,488 Since we married, you've changed. 170 00:08:15,523 --> 00:08:17,223 Not once for the better. 171 00:08:17,258 --> 00:08:19,292 What's it say? I can't read. 172 00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:21,795 So I'm taking the kids and opening 173 00:08:21,829 --> 00:08:23,363 a bed-and-breakfast. 174 00:08:23,397 --> 00:08:25,398 _ 175 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,822 _ 176 00:08:27,835 --> 00:08:29,369 Bitterly, Marge. 177 00:08:29,403 --> 00:08:33,039 Is Mom really leaving Dad? 178 00:08:35,308 --> 00:08:38,345 _ 179 00:08:38,379 --> 00:08:40,880 So, you finally left him. 180 00:08:40,915 --> 00:08:43,683 Well, good for me and good for you. 181 00:08:43,718 --> 00:08:47,187 I finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand. 182 00:08:47,221 --> 00:08:49,456 Lisa, I know what you're doing. 183 00:08:50,803 --> 00:08:52,660 _ 184 00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,527 You're hiding when you're supposed to help me 185 00:08:54,562 --> 00:08:55,895 give the dog a bath. 186 00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:58,465 Mom, Mom! 187 00:08:58,499 --> 00:09:01,401 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere. 188 00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:03,236 Oh, God bless you, inertia. 189 00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:05,872 Not until I wash this dog. 190 00:09:06,974 --> 00:09:09,109 Bart, Mom's leaving Dad. 191 00:09:09,143 --> 00:09:10,377 Oh, the poor guy. 192 00:09:10,411 --> 00:09:12,912 Please let me tell him, please. 193 00:09:12,947 --> 00:09:14,114 Pass the gravy. 194 00:09:14,148 --> 00:09:17,450 We used to call it "grave," but that was too scary. 195 00:09:17,485 --> 00:09:20,887 So we modified it to "gravy," unless it had meat chunks. 196 00:09:20,921 --> 00:09:25,525 In which case, it was "gravier," but the war changed everything. 197 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,527 Ugh. 198 00:09:27,561 --> 00:09:30,864 I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids. 199 00:09:30,898 --> 00:09:33,533 Marge, I tried to drink in the pantry, 200 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:35,869 but you claim that's antisocial. 201 00:09:35,903 --> 00:09:38,204 Ugh. Why don't you just go to Moe's? 202 00:09:38,239 --> 00:09:42,142 You want me to go to a bar on my daughter's birthday? 203 00:09:42,176 --> 00:09:44,344 That is so messed up. 204 00:09:44,378 --> 00:09:47,414 I'm going, of course, but it is so messed up. 205 00:09:47,448 --> 00:09:48,581 Happy birthday. 206 00:09:55,289 --> 00:09:58,158 Harvard will save me. Harvard will save me. 207 00:10:00,227 --> 00:10:04,197 Kiss me, Lisa, in front of the hall my grandfather endowed. 208 00:10:04,231 --> 00:10:08,768 He made his money in opium, but we said it was molasses. 209 00:10:10,404 --> 00:10:12,505 First, I have to save my parents' marriage. 210 00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,240 Wait here in this fantasy? 211 00:10:14,275 --> 00:10:17,343 Yeah, can we, um, you know, see other people? 212 00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:18,378 Sure. 213 00:10:23,951 --> 00:10:26,319 _ 214 00:10:35,429 --> 00:10:37,597 Man, Moe, you sure are spry. 215 00:10:37,631 --> 00:10:40,100 The job keeps me young, eh. 216 00:10:45,339 --> 00:10:47,607 Dad! Mom is gonna leave you. 217 00:10:47,641 --> 00:10:50,443 Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters... 218 00:10:50,478 --> 00:10:52,212 they sit peacefully for years 219 00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:56,282 until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own. 220 00:10:56,317 --> 00:10:57,784 Mom packed her bags. 221 00:10:57,818 --> 00:11:00,386 Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? 222 00:11:00,421 --> 00:11:02,989 Because she won't get more than a block away with that. 223 00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:04,324 She fixed the wheel. 224 00:11:04,358 --> 00:11:05,525 Oh, God! 225 00:11:07,261 --> 00:11:09,863 - Dad, you've got to shape up. - Hmm? 226 00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:11,431 I'm 14-years-old. 227 00:11:11,465 --> 00:11:14,267 These next four years are the last memories I'll have 228 00:11:14,301 --> 00:11:16,069 of all of us together. 229 00:11:16,103 --> 00:11:17,570 I'll do anything you say, sweetie. 230 00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:19,639 I want you to stop drinking. 231 00:11:19,673 --> 00:11:20,907 Stop drinking? 232 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,810 But that's like asking a golfer to stop drinking. 233 00:11:23,844 --> 00:11:26,146 I never thought I'd say this, 234 00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:28,214 but I'd better text my sponsor. 235 00:11:28,249 --> 00:11:29,616 Homer's got a sponsor? 236 00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:32,485 Uh, what idiot would lean into that buzz saw? 237 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,255 Hey, hey! I'm the man from A-diddly-A! 238 00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:37,657 Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now! 239 00:11:37,691 --> 00:11:40,593 All right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps. 240 00:11:40,628 --> 00:11:42,162 Oh, 12? 241 00:11:42,196 --> 00:11:43,263 Fine. Nine. 242 00:11:43,297 --> 00:11:44,831 Oh! 243 00:11:44,865 --> 00:11:47,167 Okay, step one: Admit you're powerless. 244 00:11:47,201 --> 00:11:49,302 I'm powerless. Boom! Done. 245 00:11:49,336 --> 00:11:52,872 Step two: Admit there is a power greater than yourself. 246 00:11:52,907 --> 00:11:56,276 Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself? 247 00:11:56,310 --> 00:11:58,478 This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. 248 00:11:58,512 --> 00:12:01,481 Now, make a decision to turn your life to God. 249 00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:05,218 God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine. 250 00:12:05,252 --> 00:12:07,387 Make a searching moral inventory of yourself. 251 00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:11,224 If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws. 252 00:12:11,258 --> 00:12:12,725 Admit the nature of your wrongs. 253 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,395 Well, I'm not the best parallel parker. 254 00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:18,898 Are you ready for God to remove these defects? 255 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:20,834 Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, 256 00:12:20,868 --> 00:12:22,735 I order you to fix me. 257 00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,481 Okay, I'm just gonna fast-forward through this. 258 00:12:24,505 --> 00:12:25,939 - Make amends. - Here's your wallet. 259 00:12:25,973 --> 00:12:27,841 - Engage in prayer. - I pray you're not mad. 260 00:12:27,875 --> 00:12:29,909 And have a spiritual awakening. 261 00:12:31,312 --> 00:12:33,780 Things that cost $9.99 262 00:12:33,814 --> 00:12:36,316 are really ten dollars! 263 00:12:36,350 --> 00:12:39,319 The Lord has spoken, and it is good! 264 00:12:39,353 --> 00:12:41,221 That's it. No more drinking. 265 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:43,456 Look at those, guys. 266 00:12:43,490 --> 00:12:45,525 I used to be like them. 267 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:47,460 Oh, I'm overjoyed for thee. 268 00:12:47,494 --> 00:12:50,296 Call me anytime you hear the devil's seductive voice. 269 00:12:50,331 --> 00:12:51,731 Homer? 270 00:12:51,765 --> 00:12:53,166 Homer... 271 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,668 Homer... 272 00:12:55,703 --> 00:12:59,272 How's about a Flaming Moe? 273 00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:02,542 Drink me! 274 00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:06,312 I'm the most overpriced thing at Universal Studios! 275 00:13:06,347 --> 00:13:08,348 No! I won't do it! 276 00:13:12,353 --> 00:13:16,055 Lisa, sweetie, let's celebrate your birthday! 277 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,223 Yes! 278 00:13:17,258 --> 00:13:18,992 Ah, honey. 279 00:13:19,026 --> 00:13:20,226 I'm so sorry. 280 00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:21,828 I miss you so much. 281 00:13:23,197 --> 00:13:25,798 He did quit, for good, 282 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:29,502 and it was the best birthday present I ever got. 283 00:13:29,536 --> 00:13:32,105 Well, the essay is pretty trite. 284 00:13:32,139 --> 00:13:34,941 But her grades are perfect, her extracurricular's stellar, 285 00:13:34,975 --> 00:13:37,577 and she'll be the first from her state, ever. 286 00:13:37,611 --> 00:13:39,913 Admit! And now for our instantaneous letter 287 00:13:39,947 --> 00:13:41,570 - of acceptance. _ 288 00:13:45,419 --> 00:13:48,821 I'm in! And I accept! 289 00:13:54,453 --> 00:13:56,754 _ 290 00:14:01,024 --> 00:14:03,176 _ 291 00:14:03,321 --> 00:14:07,691 I'm here! And it's Ivy-er than my Ivy-est dreams. 292 00:14:07,725 --> 00:14:09,960 - Lisa Simpson. - Lisa Simpson? 293 00:14:09,994 --> 00:14:13,130 Hmm, I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake. 294 00:14:13,164 --> 00:14:15,299 - Oh, no! - Ha! Gotcha! 295 00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:17,301 My one moment of superiority 296 00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:19,970 before a lifetime of begging you for money. 297 00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:29,379 Come on, sweetie, let me carry you over the threshold. 298 00:14:29,414 --> 00:14:32,783 Dad! That's for weddings. 299 00:14:32,817 --> 00:14:34,551 I think Dad's turning into Grampa. 300 00:14:34,586 --> 00:14:35,819 Hey, I don't need 301 00:14:35,853 --> 00:14:37,588 to listen to that hooey! 302 00:14:37,622 --> 00:14:40,190 Because I make tie clips out of maple syrup, 303 00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:42,960 but only for Flag Day! 304 00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:44,795 ? By the sea, by the sea ? 305 00:14:44,829 --> 00:14:46,763 ? By the beautiful sea... ? 306 00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,833 This is great... we don't have to visit Grampa anymore. 307 00:14:56,448 --> 00:14:57,803 _ 308 00:14:57,842 --> 00:15:00,277 Chug, chug, chug. _ 309 00:15:00,311 --> 00:15:02,646 Really, man, I've had enough. 310 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,149 The hazing ends when we say it ends. 311 00:15:06,184 --> 00:15:08,318 Do you need any help unpacking? 312 00:15:08,353 --> 00:15:12,126 Mom, I need to learn to do these things for myself. 313 00:15:17,862 --> 00:15:19,262 Sorry, friend, 314 00:15:19,297 --> 00:15:21,531 you can't pahk your cah in Hahvahd Yahd. 315 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,468 _ 316 00:15:23,469 --> 00:15:25,469 I can't what my what in what what what? 317 00:15:25,503 --> 00:15:27,004 You can't pahk... 318 00:15:27,038 --> 00:15:29,106 - Yes...? - in Hahvahd Yahd. 319 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,842 - Are you on Novocain? - Yes, but recreationally. 320 00:15:31,876 --> 00:15:34,011 Now, move your craptastic cah. 321 00:15:36,047 --> 00:15:37,614 Hi. I'm Caitlyn. 322 00:15:37,649 --> 00:15:39,516 My roommate. 323 00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,518 So, you play an instrument? 324 00:15:41,552 --> 00:15:43,153 Bari sax. 325 00:15:43,187 --> 00:15:45,922 - Are you good? - I played at Kenny G's funeral. 326 00:15:45,957 --> 00:15:48,091 Ooh, she's pretty impressive. 327 00:15:48,126 --> 00:15:51,194 Uh... any childhood heartbreak? 328 00:15:51,229 --> 00:15:53,597 My parents forgot my birthday three times. 329 00:15:53,631 --> 00:15:55,365 She beats me at everything! 330 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,000 I don't belong here. 331 00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:59,503 While you were feeling inferior, I took the top bunk. 332 00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:04,207 Stroke, stroke, 333 00:16:04,242 --> 00:16:05,375 stroke... 334 00:16:05,410 --> 00:16:07,511 I'm not even gonna make it 335 00:16:07,545 --> 00:16:09,012 through freshman week. 336 00:16:09,047 --> 00:16:11,048 - Hey, little sister. - Well! 337 00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:13,383 At least you're having a good time. 338 00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:15,396 Yeah, these girls want me to piss off their parents 339 00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:16,987 before they head home. 340 00:16:18,956 --> 00:16:20,590 Get away from him, Mandy! 341 00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:22,092 I'll pay! I'll pay! 342 00:16:22,126 --> 00:16:23,827 Tell him I have two kids. 343 00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:26,463 The beauty part is, it's not a lie. 344 00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:30,367 You always know what to say, Bart. 345 00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:32,795 Well, try this. I've known you all your life, 346 00:16:32,820 --> 00:16:36,433 and if there's one thing I know, it's that you belong here. 347 00:16:36,458 --> 00:16:37,858 You're gonna study harder, 348 00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:39,584 you're gonna ask better questions, 349 00:16:39,609 --> 00:16:41,753 you're gonna get into their brains like an earworm 350 00:16:41,778 --> 00:16:43,539 and chew, chew, chew! 351 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:45,916 Now, make Mom and Dad proud. 352 00:16:45,950 --> 00:16:47,384 And then I'll make 'em proud. 353 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:49,286 - But you first. - Thank you. 354 00:16:52,754 --> 00:16:54,754 _ 355 00:16:57,697 --> 00:16:58,995 This is it. 356 00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:01,765 I'm on my own for the rest of my life. 357 00:17:03,401 --> 00:17:05,535 Huh? Are you my roommate, too? 358 00:17:05,570 --> 00:17:09,206 For now. Till they kick me out. 359 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,508 Everyone thinks they're not gonna make it. 360 00:17:11,542 --> 00:17:13,510 I already got kicked out of a psycho single 361 00:17:13,544 --> 00:17:16,513 'cause my roommate didn't like me. 362 00:17:16,547 --> 00:17:19,616 She used all the "shampoo"! 363 00:17:19,650 --> 00:17:21,618 I just think you're funny. 364 00:17:21,652 --> 00:17:25,455 So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs. 365 00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,290 Very much. But I won't. 366 00:17:27,325 --> 00:17:28,592 Tell me about you. 367 00:17:28,626 --> 00:17:29,826 I'm already homesick. 368 00:17:29,861 --> 00:17:31,762 I was always the kid that didn't fit in. 369 00:17:31,796 --> 00:17:32,996 Middle child. 370 00:17:33,931 --> 00:17:35,499 Artsy. And I play 371 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,101 the most unpopular instrument there is: 372 00:17:38,136 --> 00:17:40,137 the jazz clarinet. 373 00:17:40,171 --> 00:17:41,204 Hmm! 374 00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:53,450 You know your way around a licorice stick, kid. 375 00:17:53,484 --> 00:17:56,386 You blow a mean fish hook yourself, sister! 376 00:17:56,420 --> 00:17:59,456 - Let's talk normal now. - Thank you. 377 00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,725 You know, today I was hoping I would meet... 378 00:18:01,759 --> 00:18:03,593 - A lifelong friend? - Yes! 379 00:18:03,628 --> 00:18:05,629 Here I am. 380 00:18:06,764 --> 00:18:08,732 730 verbal, 790 math, 381 00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:10,400 800 telekinesis. 382 00:18:12,537 --> 00:18:14,337 740 verbal, 780 math, 383 00:18:14,372 --> 00:18:16,439 and I speak fluent cat! 384 00:18:16,451 --> 00:18:18,451 _ 385 00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:20,010 I have a friend! 386 00:18:21,045 --> 00:18:23,446 Oh. Maybe more than a friend. 387 00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:25,448 After that day, I never looked back... 388 00:18:25,483 --> 00:18:28,185 except for all the time I just spent looking back. 389 00:18:28,219 --> 00:18:30,187 But I never doubted 390 00:18:30,221 --> 00:18:32,622 that who I am was good enough. 391 00:18:32,657 --> 00:18:34,724 _ 392 00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:41,048 _ 393 00:18:47,897 --> 00:18:50,097 _ 394 00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:57,894 Light! Light...! 395 00:18:57,895 --> 00:18:59,795 Sweetie, you're one year old, 396 00:18:59,829 --> 00:19:02,748 and you're already the most amazing thing I ever did. 397 00:19:02,749 --> 00:19:04,448 Daddy happy. 398 00:19:04,483 --> 00:19:06,450 Daddy very happy. 399 00:19:06,485 --> 00:19:09,520 Daddy euphoric! 400 00:19:09,554 --> 00:19:12,493 Aw. She's making up words. 401 00:19:12,763 --> 00:19:15,777 ? Boy, the way Nirvana played ? 402 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,932 ? Steroids caused a hit parade ? 403 00:19:18,966 --> 00:19:22,569 ? Beanie Babies had it made ? 404 00:19:22,603 --> 00:19:25,739 ? Those were the days ? 405 00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:29,543 ? And we had real heroes then ? 406 00:19:29,577 --> 00:19:33,580 ? Like Jar Jar Binks and Qui-Gon Jinn ? 407 00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:36,383 ? Mister, we could use a man ? 408 00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:40,420 ? Like Richard Simmons again ? 409 00:19:40,455 --> 00:19:43,390 ? Watching films like Gilbert Grape ? 410 00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:46,793 ? Then rewinding all the tape ? 411 00:19:46,828 --> 00:19:51,565 ? Gee, our modem dialed up great ? 412 00:19:55,470 --> 00:20:00,507 ? Those were the days... ? 413 00:20:00,541 --> 00:20:03,443 Very nice. See you in court. 414 00:20:03,478 --> 00:20:06,482 Light! Light! Light...! 415 00:20:06,943 --> 00:20:08,334 Au-Autumn. 416 00:20:38,084 --> 00:20:52,396 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com -